Latest NewsRead in Chronological Order
"There is a Form of Pain That Will Push Even the Strongest of Men to Immediate Suicide;" "Imagine That Pain Persist… https://t.co/C2h4zsK7xG
Wed Mar 21 17:33:24 +0000 2018
Seven Excruciating New Lifehacks That Will Wow Your Mortician
Wed Mar 21 17:21:55 +0000 2018
Scientists Call Press Conference, Spray Crowd With Hallucinogens While Laughing Wildly
Wed Mar 21 15:44:50 +0000 2018
New Study: America's Top Hobbies "Defying the Orb," "REDACTED," "Fentanyl Smuggling," & "Incest"
Wed Mar 21 13:23:12 +0000 2018
WORD OF THE DAY | Sponsored by the Nameless Corporation in the Ruins of New York https://t.co/xnFpmfP8gr
Wed Mar 21 07:40:03 +0000 2018
Trump Dodges Press Questioning by Melting into Small Puddle, Oozing Away Into Cavernous Sewers of White House
Wed Mar 21 07:30:58 +0000 2018
how i imagine @ApprovedNews5 broadcasts look. unfortunately my tv does not have a channel five, & furthermore i do… https://t.co/KvGrZpztRy — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Mar 21 07:29:33 +0000 2018
WORD OF THE DAY https://t.co/YsKgUJSxqw
Wed Mar 21 02:26:17 +0000 2018
Winged Celestial Paragon of Love, Mercy, Light, & Healing Slain by Police Officer "Was No Angel," Say Pundits
Tue Mar 20 21:51:00 +0000 2018
High on Illegal Antipsychotics, Florida Man Creates "Impossible Object" Out of Shopping Carts, Rotting Phone Books, and Used Needles
Tue Mar 20 20:21:54 +0000 2018
Trump Orders White House Exterior "Painted in Dog Blood" With "Visions of Impossible Sin" as Ward Against "All Saintly Powers"
Tue Mar 20 17:40:15 +0000 2018
White House: "Be Prepared to Experience A Brief Tingling Sensation"
Tue Mar 20 04:51:03 +0000 2018
Woman Slaughtered by Unthinking Machine "Was No Angel," Say Sources
Tue Mar 20 02:06:34 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/MU7YJUicNy — @NorWesternCrow
Sat Mar 17 02:33:05 +0000 2018
Under West Coast's More "Laid-Back" Drug Programs, Citizens May Undergo Voluntary Weekly Panels in Exchange for "Ten Points"
Fri Mar 16 06:32:08 +0000 2018
Boulder Legislators: "First-Time Offenders" May Receive Diversion to Mandatory Diet Coaching, Soul Therapy at Judge's Discretion
Fri Mar 16 06:10:37 +0000 2018
RELATED: Beginning in April, Boulder, CO Residents Who Fail Screenings at Random Gluten Checkpoints May Be Subject to Deportation
Fri Mar 16 06:08:02 +0000 2018
Pressed on Privacy Concerns by Civil Liberty Activists, City Councilors Assure Reporters Law Allows for Strip Searc… https://t.co/8Q14Ufusl4
Fri Mar 16 06:05:39 +0000 2018
Citing Teenage Anarchist's Drunken Tweets, DC City Council Passes New Law Requiring Residents to Undergo Full-Body… https://t.co/2a9hn6om5s
Fri Mar 16 06:01:59 +0000 2018
@northern_terror #NeoStrebulitesSoRauphine — @KateMichaels42
Fri Mar 16 05:53:50 +0000 2018
@KateMichaels42 OTOH: https://t.co/29tz7gM15A — @northern_terror
Fri Mar 16 05:53:44 +0000 2018
#SeckwindleSoGrobblist https://t.co/8t8vSVINWA — @KateMichaels42
Fri Mar 16 05:53:37 +0000 2018
PSA: See Something? Say Something! Nominate it for "Something of the Week" at https://t.co/rVu4g1pLP5. Last Week's… https://t.co/Ym6vocN7RK
Fri Mar 16 05:21:09 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 @NorWesternCrow Thank you. Nobody remembers the importance of the Mastrophons at all, much less the Claculist. — @substitute
Thu Mar 15 23:49:14 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Same old argument, time after time. — @neil_pettifer
Thu Mar 15 23:29:30 +0000 2018
COUNTERPOINT: Neo-Strebulites are the Most Rauphine Fraskdrath that Uckintly Saminize the Shuphenk Dersemordle of S… https://t.co/uRETp0hVFF
Thu Mar 15 23:23:35 +0000 2018
OPINION: We Need to Re-Phlagulize the Slebnord Before the Grobblist Seckwindle Strebulates the Nagbrind of Claculism
Thu Mar 15 23:18:21 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Weird & Wacky: https://t.co/KevZAn25xc — @shurimon
Thu Mar 15 22:48:22 +0000 2018
Staff Dispatched from White House in Windowless Van to Acquire "Groceries;" Resulting Elephant Stampede Prompts Eva… https://t.co/oZpiPbf3Wa
Thu Mar 15 22:47:59 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Unless one of them is a sex tape I'm not interested — @EugeneIpavec
Thu Mar 15 22:45:12 +0000 2018
Experts: Have You Tried Unplugging It?
Tue Mar 13 15:36:23 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 SPONSORED: When You Have Questions, You Need Answers! Try— https://t.co/NSLNrgah6z — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Mar 12 10:42:27 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 NEW STUDY: https://t.co/wi6Zdj8YdF — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Mar 12 10:42:20 +0000 2018
Twitter Begins Ritual Suspension of Accounts With Tweets Containing the Seven Secret Phrases Proscribed by the Prop… https://t.co/icOy9HBqI5
Sun Mar 11 03:16:09 +0000 2018
WORD OF THE DAY https://t.co/JjuOxLeSSS
Sat Mar 10 18:41:16 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/eN9x15MDMB — @NorWesternCrow
Sat Mar 10 05:41:30 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/uQ5K4nKDPK — @NorWesternCrow
Sat Mar 10 05:41:27 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 PUNDITS: These Newfangled "Video Games" Are Encouraging Illicit Hugging, Unwholesome Thoughts https://t.co/Q4cyoi1Yhl — @NorWesternCrow
Sat Mar 10 05:41:21 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/mYilbeIjNI — @NorWesternCrow
Sat Mar 10 05:41:15 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/yPbW3S1lRG — @NorWesternCrow
Sat Mar 10 04:35:16 +0000 2018
PSA: Protect American Nuclear Secrets — Encrypt Your Prayers!
Fri Mar 09 23:08:07 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/WzAJCTfP9D — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Mar 09 21:30:55 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 WEIRD & WACKY: https://t.co/6qedXgDNmg — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Mar 09 21:30:43 +0000 2018
Trump Announces Formation of "Freedom Police" With Unspecified Powers, Comprised of Seven Hundred Men in Black Robe… https://t.co/fm0CFqwqaS
Fri Mar 09 19:47:05 +0000 2018
READ NOW: Seven Eerie Links Between the Great Golden Beast & the Angel of Chains No Seers Can Explain
Fri Mar 09 19:42:46 +0000 2018
Pressed for Comment, Sturmholz, Bloodied & Wrathful, Having Barely Escaped With Her Life, Vows "Vengeance the Likes… https://t.co/usZxMQo1oG
Fri Mar 09 19:38:42 +0000 2018
BREAKING: With Unexpected Aid from State Secretary of Death Maximilian Krankenschlacht & His Ensorcellwd Army of Mi… https://t.co/beXeJWX0LH
Fri Mar 09 19:34:16 +0000 2018
How Hug-Testing Welfare Recipients Could Disproportionately Impact People of Color
Fri Mar 09 19:04:53 +0000 2018
OPINION: Bleed For My Glory, Insect
Fri Mar 09 19:03:36 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 #6 - Stylish But Peripheral-Vision-Limiting New Hat — @EugeneIpavec
Fri Mar 09 17:58:16 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 ...huh. Never thought I would agree with Ann Coulter on something. — @EugeneIpavec
Fri Mar 09 17:58:07 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/6pHTJfRQiX — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Mar 09 17:58:01 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/vRO4PIHf3t — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Mar 09 17:57:12 +0000 2018
The Codex Salamandrium Won't Save You Now
Fri Mar 09 07:10:35 +0000 2018
WORD OF THE DAY https://t.co/zXUQbCRXRV
Fri Mar 09 04:31:02 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 This situation demands a bigger, harder response. — @gilmourtaylor
Fri Mar 09 01:05:41 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 9 Reasons You're Doomed Even If You Do — @joe_no_privacy
Fri Mar 09 01:04:53 +0000 2018
@NorWesternCrow @surly_squirrel @ApprovedNews6 #8 is the best surprise of all. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Fri Mar 09 01:02:33 +0000 2018
COUNTERPOINT: Meddling Further in a Developing Cuntry's Internal Affairs Can Only Worsen the Situation
Thu Mar 08 17:58:50 +0000 2018
OPINION: The So-Called Erotican "Repubic" is a Nation of Vore Criminals, Thugs, and Tinpot Dicktators — Americock's… https://t.co/1l9fmRG4nt
Thu Mar 08 17:55:57 +0000 2018
7 Reasons You'll Never See It Coming
Thu Mar 08 17:36:53 +0000 2018
BREAKING: cc @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/72XA6mA5st — @rabcyr_alt
Thu Mar 08 15:05:35 +0000 2018
"I Killed Ten Thousand Men in the War, You Know," "I Didn't Use a Gun, I Didn't Use a Knife," "It Made Me Strong, S… https://t.co/cRUZW6urEo
Thu Mar 08 15:04:42 +0000 2018
Ann Coulter Faces Criticism After Describing Humans as "Frail Meat Things" that "Stink of Serotonin" & "Don't Have Enough Souls"
Wed Mar 07 21:32:26 +0000 2018
Contaminated Batch of Nutrient Slurry Blamed in Thousands of Cases of Blood-Madness; Pressed for Comment, Nameless… https://t.co/xtAb6ehWPd
Wed Mar 07 18:55:58 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 When reached for comment, Hooligan Association representative F. Uckerman responded: "They can shove… https://t.co/QyRRxCdJTm — @LadySmaug
Wed Mar 07 17:41:36 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 #MondayMotivation https://t.co/nRMyTFCtc7 — @shurimon
Wed Mar 07 17:27:49 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 I mean, the kids have to learn about skulls somewhere... When you get down to it, this is really a f… https://t.co/Su0TDty5aY — @EugeneIpavec
Wed Mar 07 17:26:37 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 This is why I never leave my manor without my two earplug-manservants at my side, each of them with… https://t.co/r9VyGbXKXH — @EugeneIpavec
Wed Mar 07 17:26:31 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/36sjNE3xtx — @nuts_y_gum
Wed Mar 07 17:26:13 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/Nw3esPLVoi — @FioraAeterna
Wed Mar 07 17:13:08 +0000 2018
Mysteries of the Moo-crobiome: Could Tweaking Cow Gut Bugs Improve Porsche Mission E? — @TwoHeadlines
Tue Mar 06 17:24:43 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 "Make your vagina the grave of his faith in any fundamental purpose that might underlie the superfic… https://t.co/mvq9DtPice — @EugeneIpavec
Tue Mar 06 06:20:20 +0000 2018
why is this not MANDATORY READING https://t.co/I66t8F8qIz — @aaron_the_king
Mon Mar 05 23:45:05 +0000 2018
West Virginia School Bans "Slime & Punishment" From School Library Citing Infamous Deworming Scene; Literature Teachers Outraged
Mon Mar 05 23:33:18 +0000 2018
Pressed to Explain His Failure to Appear Before the Altar of Blades at Flaying Hour for Weekly Presidential Rite of… https://t.co/GD2WG6Og8P
Mon Mar 05 23:26:28 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 That's an awfully tame way to note that he pals around with the high level skeltons who drive skull buses into children. — @listelian
Mon Mar 05 23:20:43 +0000 2018
OPINION: Trump is Not Doing Enough to Protect Our Children from the Skull Buses
Mon Mar 05 19:34:44 +0000 2018
Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York Announces New "Luxury" Series of Water Products Guaranteed Free of Hydrochloric Acid, Fentanyl
Mon Mar 05 19:26:34 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: https://t.co/zZLw3n6wPL — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Mar 05 17:37:54 +0000 2018
"North American Grizzlies Like Pope Francis and Her Cubs Offer an Untapped Source of Fresh Biomass for The One Who… https://t.co/JUEniFQ95F
Sun Mar 04 23:16:13 +0000 2018
This Unconventional New Startup is Going to Clone the Pope
Sun Mar 04 23:11:43 +0000 2018
"Wake Up, Sheeple!" Man Dragged Out of National Cathedral by Men in Black Suits, Eyeglasses While Screaming "Sofas… https://t.co/Uh1zpfVfqf
Sun Mar 04 22:39:59 +0000 2018
SPONSORED: Fuck the Hope Right Out of Him With These Brutal & Demoralizing Sex Moves From Cosmo's Newest Contributo… https://t.co/EcsPWLsloL
Sun Mar 04 22:04:33 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Ugh, the once noble tradition of the word of the day is now advertising space for startups. — @listelian
Sun Mar 04 22:00:34 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/Mb4aMTIqlw — @shurimon
Sun Mar 04 21:34:35 +0000 2018
Erotican Repubic: President-Erect Imprickated in Humanitarianus Catasstrophe
Sun Mar 04 21:34:27 +0000 2018
WORD OF THE DAY https://t.co/M0hVhDF8Ub
Sun Mar 04 20:37:34 +0000 2018
New Infrastructure Bill Would Fund "Cuss Shelter" Construction on City Streets to Protect "The Refined of Ear" from "Hooligan Vulgarities"
Sat Mar 03 00:51:37 +0000 2018
In Vandalism Case, Court Authorizes McDonald's to Seize Defendant's Lower Back Area as Advertising Space
Fri Mar 02 22:43:06 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 SPORTS: BEEEEEEEES — @almafeta
Fri Mar 02 07:33:15 +0000 2018
COUNTERPOINT: BEEEEEEES
Fri Mar 02 07:30:26 +0000 2018
OPINION: WELCOME TO BUG HELL
Fri Mar 02 07:29:43 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 For fuck's sake, let teenagers google "holes filled" and make their own decisions about lust. It wor… https://t.co/8xbNn4qWDH — @listelian
Fri Mar 02 06:13:55 +0000 2018
BREAKING: Informed Citizen Correctly Endorses Approved News Source, Receives Seven Illuminated Scrolls of Timeless… https://t.co/TFfQNT4kYC
Fri Mar 02 05:46:23 +0000 2018
@velartrill @ApprovedNews6 Ugh, who can keep track of all these made up words? This is why no one bothers with you!… https://t.co/06Pyl94Dfl — @Chirurgic
Fri Mar 02 05:43:57 +0000 2018
Seven Creative Things We Just Did With the Still-Living Body of the Intern Who Earlier Today Misused Official Appro… https://t.co/lwMnI3Mrp9
Fri Mar 02 05:39:03 +0000 2018
JUNKIE, not TWEAKER. the tweakers are QUITE well represented, lemme tell you https://t.co/Nu7nzteowK — @velartrill
Fri Mar 02 05:36:30 +0000 2018
@velartrill @ApprovedNews6 As a thief, I've never noticed any problems. Maybe the drugs are just making you paranoid? #snowflakesnowflakes — @Chirurgic
Fri Mar 02 05:35:57 +0000 2018
personally as a junkie i have been consistently disregarded and mocked at these allegedly "inclusive" crime day cel… https://t.co/cN06C2nzCu — @velartrill
Fri Mar 02 05:27:05 +0000 2018
The Potion Crisis Worsens as 14% More Americans Admit to Abusing Prescription Elixirs This Year
Fri Mar 02 05:23:52 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 That’s gotta fall under the 27th amendment, right? — @MonsieurLongIII
Fri Mar 02 04:55:47 +0000 2018
Crook-a-Cola Pulls Out as National Crime Day Sponsor, Citing Complaints of "Pervasive Exclusion" from Junkies, Arsonists, & Cattle Rustlers
Fri Mar 02 04:54:28 +0000 2018
How to Kill Husband With Vagina Poison — @HeadlineSmasher
Fri Mar 02 04:01:39 +0000 2018
Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-AL) Sponsors Bill to Increase Senators' Weekly Methamphetamine Rations
Fri Mar 02 02:52:36 +0000 2018
Concerned Parents: Teens' "Holes" Must be "Surgically Filled" to Prevent "Lust"
Fri Mar 02 00:00:35 +0000 2018
Eyes Wet With Mirth, Republican Senators Vote to Declare "Welfare" an Inherently Funny Word
Thu Mar 01 23:31:55 +0000 2018
Scientists: "Oops"
Thu Mar 01 23:15:00 +0000 2018
How Ballshevik Cadres Are Changing Politits in the Erotican Repubic
Thu Mar 01 08:03:26 +0000 2018
WORD OF THE DAY https://t.co/OmWLYIixHM
Thu Mar 01 05:43:08 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Spirit Local 666 Chief: Unregulated Free Market Abuses Dead Child Labor in Sweatshop Hauntings — @Loganchance
Thu Mar 01 04:09:34 +0000 2018
OPINION: It's Time to Deregulate the Dead
Thu Mar 01 03:59:11 +0000 2018
"Police Are Heroes," Says Local Mayor as Feral Constable Gnaws on His Bleeding Heels
Thu Mar 01 00:22:03 +0000 2018
This Evil Government Monolith is Hovering Over New Orleans Causing Residents to Speak in Tongues and Millennials are HERE For It
Thu Mar 01 00:08:46 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 This is why people hate politicians. Good old-fashioned haruspicy warns them that some stupid law of… https://t.co/LQWjdDazVP — @EugeneIpavec
Wed Feb 28 22:15:53 +0000 2018
International: President-Erect of the Erotican Repubic Dismisses Titty Committee's Clams to Have "Pornographic Evid… https://t.co/gbsmbb6t13
Wed Feb 28 22:04:48 +0000 2018
Why We're Stoked for the Harrowing of the Nameless Swamp
Wed Feb 28 21:25:41 +0000 2018
Experts Question Utility of Proposed Ban on Enchanted Firearms, Runed Bullets
Wed Feb 28 21:21:31 +0000 2018
Anti-Gun Protestors Gather at D.C. Standing Stones, Faces Ritually Smeared with Sap and Hands Full of Moss, to Lay… https://t.co/MfaNmCdMlf
Wed Feb 28 21:18:52 +0000 2018
Krakon Malliphlax, Third Inheritor of the Withering Aspect & Wandering Lord of the Glistening Pinnace, DEMOLISHES Betsy DeVos on Twitter
Wed Feb 28 21:15:31 +0000 2018
Congressional Budget Office Will Now Rely on Omphaloskepsis, Dousing to Determine Financial Impact of Bills: Report — @ApprovedNews6
Wed Feb 28 19:43:31 +0000 2018
7 Fun, Family-Friendly Places to Find Enemies You'll Never Expect — @ApprovedNews6
Wed Feb 28 19:43:24 +0000 2018
7 Fun, Family-Friendly Places to Find Enemies You'll Never Expect
Wed Feb 28 13:40:45 +0000 2018
Congressional Budget Office Will Now Rely on Omphaloskepsis, Dousing to Determine Financial Impact of Bills: Report
Wed Feb 28 05:27:56 +0000 2018
Pressed for Comment, Analysts Slowly Adjust Glasses, Narrowing Eyes and Twirling Pencils Between Fingers https://t.co/Zti6fYUDPb
Tue Feb 27 04:32:08 +0000 2018
Analysts: "The American People" https://t.co/hjNsuIO9V7
Tue Feb 27 04:26:31 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 #banassaulttweets — @ha_aright
Tue Feb 27 03:11:24 +0000 2018
Man Killed by Tweet
Tue Feb 27 02:51:56 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 High school classes ARE anesthesia. — @prsrved4science
Mon Feb 26 00:14:40 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Unbelievable. I never thought a school in this day and age would be this blasé about dream violence. — @EugeneIpavec
Sun Feb 25 23:40:27 +0000 2018
In Renewed Effort to Prevent Mass Shootings, This High School is Requiring All Students to be Placed Under General… https://t.co/wpcxmGoKQi
Sun Feb 25 23:13:41 +0000 2018
@Ok_uhh_yah_sure @you_wouldnt_bot @ApprovedNews6 I would:( — @anywayslike
Sun Feb 25 19:03:16 +0000 2018
You wouldn't carve a cylinder — @you_wouldnt_bot
Sun Feb 25 18:20:36 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: I support the bill banning Eschaton abuse — @jleedev
Sun Feb 25 17:52:38 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Surely Parents, Teachers and [REDACTED] also? — @insomniacity
Sun Feb 25 17:11:25 +0000 2018
"PHARMAGEDDON:" How the Opioid Crisis Could Trigger the Eschaton and Bring About the End of All Things
Sun Feb 25 04:06:19 +0000 2018
How Radical Cannabism is Destroying Lives, Enslaving Our Children, and Driving A Generation to Witchcraft
Sat Feb 24 23:03:07 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 MAKE AMERICA BLEED AGAIN!!! #MABA — @jjm6501
Sat Feb 24 20:22:06 +0000 2018
Americans Nationwide Report Receiving Midnight Phone Calls from Enemies They Had Long Ago Slain
Sat Feb 24 20:17:21 +0000 2018
Trump Declares National Day of Blood Vengeance
Sat Feb 24 20:14:50 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/4XNlIjl3az — @NorWesternCrow
Sat Feb 24 06:15:12 +0000 2018
Now THERE’S a news headline we don’t see often enough ... https://t.co/7EOuDLKChD — @jacquidark
Fri Feb 23 18:00:21 +0000 2018
COUNTERPOINT: How — How Could You! You're Mad! MAD!
Fri Feb 23 00:39:10 +0000 2018
OPINION: Did You Think I Was Bluffing
Fri Feb 23 00:38:33 +0000 2018
Education: Are Our Children Getting Too Many No-Skull Days? We Look at the Evidence, Only on Approved News 6! — @ApprovedNews6
Fri Feb 23 00:38:02 +0000 2018
New Children's Book "Boneyard Biff and the Seventh Plane of Excruciation" Meets Rave Reviews from Parents, Teachers — @ApprovedNews6
Fri Feb 23 00:37:59 +0000 2018
New Children's Book "Boneyard Biff and the Seventh Plane of Excruciation" Meets Rave Reviews from Parents, Teachers
Thu Feb 22 19:53:31 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 ...most of these sound legit but I'm not sure just whacking patients over the head with the Codex sh… https://t.co/8fjxi0nS1F — @EugeneIpavec
Thu Feb 22 09:55:24 +0000 2018
Backstage at Gucci. https://t.co/iG9artiifb — @DIORSBITCH
Thu Feb 22 09:54:38 +0000 2018
Education: Are Our Children Getting Too Many No-Skull Days? We Look at the Evidence, Only on Approved News 6!
Thu Feb 22 09:23:13 +0000 2018
This New Drug is Menacing the Flesh Purity of Children Nationwide — You Won't Believe Who It's Made Of
Thu Feb 22 07:53:19 +0000 2018
Mathematicians: "The Number 'Five' Does Not, And Cannot, Exist" https://t.co/uR2KI19DxP
Thu Feb 22 05:26:08 +0000 2018
Gotta say, the "Dear Rosemary" column in @ApprovedNews6 sure has helped keeping the romance alive and screaming. https://t.co/FTOqhuJ6x1 — @Electro_Shaman
Thu Feb 22 02:49:23 +0000 2018
7 Breakthroughs in Anesthesiolomancy that Could Never Have Happened Without the Codex Salamandrium
Wed Feb 21 21:06:59 +0000 2018
Steve Bannon to Leave the Children Alone — @HeadlineSmasher
Wed Feb 21 20:09:25 +0000 2018
lets goooooooo https://t.co/LiLszzWv70 https://t.co/D2MrKEuhRC — @camjwolf
Wed Feb 21 20:08:59 +0000 2018
Russia admits dozens of Russian casualties in Apple battle — @TwoHeadlines
Wed Feb 21 02:10:28 +0000 2018
LIFESTYLE: Four Fun & Creative Summer Projects You Can Do With Just Some Spare Tendons and a Bit of Chanting!
Wed Feb 21 01:42:14 +0000 2018
please. after 24 years of abuse and loneliness and years of poverty, i am so close to finding a way out, a way to b… https://t.co/krrKtufWSy — @velartrill
Wed Feb 21 01:41:10 +0000 2018
$129 more per month and i will just barely be able to afford Seattle. come on guys, you've gotten me this far. don'… https://t.co/saEEcVVnRH — @velartrill
Wed Feb 21 01:40:55 +0000 2018
COUNTERPOINT: I Am the LORD Your God, the Alpha and the Omega — I Am That I Am
Wed Feb 21 00:41:03 +0000 2018
OPINION: Who Do You Think You Are
Wed Feb 21 00:39:56 +0000 2018
READ NOW: Four Signs You Might Be Addicted to "Weed" — Even If You've Never Used It!
Tue Feb 20 23:42:28 +0000 2018
WEIRD AND WACKY: Bone Sorceress Supreme Pessima Bladewight Demands Duel to the Death With Mysterious Bearer of the… https://t.co/Fy61ztJK5F
Tue Feb 20 11:50:11 +0000 2018
You Have Been Added to "The Scream List"
Tue Feb 20 11:32:00 +0000 2018
Theresa May: "Don't Call Me A Centrist Dad" #TheresaMay https://t.co/9LjanVfSdO — @clickbaitrobot
Tue Feb 20 08:09:09 +0000 2018
BREAKING: Threefold Alignment of the Seven Silent Stars "Imminent," Say Astrologers; Portends "Auspicious Time" for… https://t.co/WoSYTFNzcO
Tue Feb 20 07:58:31 +0000 2018
CONTREPOINT: Comment Les Partisans de la France Aimée Vont Vous Tirer du Nez National, Putains et Connards
Tue Feb 20 07:46:26 +0000 2018
OPINION: Why We've Conquered Paris
Tue Feb 20 07:42:57 +0000 2018
you'd also be getting an unpublished short story for @substation77, about the Chairwoman, her past, and Experimenta… https://t.co/pMAthBhO8g — @velartrill
Tue Feb 20 03:26:53 +0000 2018
it might be years before these ever get published, so if you want to read them now, be the person who puts me over… https://t.co/coi8FT4kt6 — @velartrill
Tue Feb 20 03:26:46 +0000 2018
sneak peak at what you'd be getting: https://t.co/SOcaPFoQic — @velartrill
Tue Feb 20 03:26:40 +0000 2018
(https://t.co/gW8TwJuLn4) — @velartrill
Tue Feb 20 03:26:35 +0000 2018
https://t.co/76qHXTXxht i only need $185 more in pledges. whoever's pledge puts me over the top will get an email… https://t.co/RpWwwrfDn8 — @velartrill
Tue Feb 20 03:26:29 +0000 2018
COUNTERPOINT: Oh Yeah? OH YEAH?
Tue Feb 20 01:46:26 +0000 2018
OPINION: When I'm Through With You, Not Even God Will Be Able to Put You Back Together
Tue Feb 20 01:44:43 +0000 2018
Why We Can't Stop Crying Over This Time-Lapse Video of Seal Feces
Mon Feb 19 21:54:11 +0000 2018
PROPHECY: Blind Seers of the Unseen Church of the Sightless Eye Predict "Great Ontology Catastrophe" in Less Than 7 Years
Mon Feb 19 21:51:58 +0000 2018
7 Signs Your Teenage Daughter May Be Afflicted by "The Urge"
Mon Feb 19 21:44:49 +0000 2018
Approached for Comment by Reporters, Detectives Stalking Newslord 7 Through Washington Border-Wilds, Wearing Empty… https://t.co/J49xHxWmp5
Mon Feb 19 21:38:42 +0000 2018
Thousands Missing, Feared Dead, Say State Officials; Half of Tampa "In Ruins"
Mon Feb 19 21:32:19 +0000 2018
PUBLIC SAFETY ADVISORY: Florida Man Has Opinion
Mon Feb 19 21:28:06 +0000 2018
BREAKING: Republicans Pass Emergency Bill Forbidding Use of the Infallible Process of Oneiromancy by Congressional Budget Office
Mon Feb 19 20:44:28 +0000 2018
Congressional Budget Office Predicts $1.3 Trillion Deficit Through the Infallible Process of Oneiromancy
Mon Feb 19 20:43:28 +0000 2018
OPINION: We Need to Address the Shocking Pay Gap Between Male & Female Slavers
Mon Feb 19 20:42:05 +0000 2018
BREAKING: Man Has Opinion
Mon Feb 19 19:46:58 +0000 2018
EXCLUSIVE: Newslord 7, Having Sold Both of Her Personal Assault Helicopters For Well Below Their Market Value, Make… https://t.co/hFbCL0mllR
Mon Feb 19 19:45:06 +0000 2018
Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) Introduces Bill to Reinstate 1944 Bane Unto All The Dead Act
Mon Feb 19 19:39:09 +0000 2018
ALTERNATE HEADLINE: approximately 3 out of every 4 Americans do not want anyone in power who will actually do anyth… https://t.co/cTNx8eqefM — @cg_marcato
Mon Feb 19 16:53:09 +0000 2018
EXCLUSIVE: We Interview Newslord 7 on Her Secret New Strategy to Evade Law Enforcement, Escape to Safety of Imperial Cascadian Enclave
Mon Feb 19 07:54:09 +0000 2018
Newslord 7, Stranded in Wilds & Pursued by Relentless Police Drones, Issues Desperate Missive https://t.co/lcDotDoamQ
Mon Feb 19 07:52:17 +0000 2018
VOTERS OUTRAGED: New Poll Shows 73% of Americans "Would Not Vote" for Senators Who "Use Taxpayer Dollars to Fund Ep… https://t.co/3obpcUqH1E
Mon Feb 19 04:34:39 +0000 2018
"I Shall Find The Man Who Took Away My Head, And I Shall Take Back What Is Mine, And I Shall Lay My Vengeance Upon… https://t.co/glhJrqSYeJ
Mon Feb 19 04:33:23 +0000 2018
Senate Majority Leader: "Will Whoever Was Snorting Coke in the Cloakroom Please Come by to Collect Their Cursed Amu… https://t.co/nlvtq5sQkv
Sun Feb 18 23:28:45 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Hide — @gordongineering
Sun Feb 18 21:49:26 +0000 2018
Run
Sun Feb 18 18:05:28 +0000 2018
SPONSORED: Hot Girls Nearby Want To Eat You!
Sun Feb 18 17:56:38 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/Px36cJV5YL — @mcclure111
Sun Feb 18 16:02:49 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 So much for the tolerant left! — @MegatronusRex
Sun Feb 18 16:00:59 +0000 2018
COUNTERPOINT: Who?
Sun Feb 18 10:39:43 +0000 2018
COUNTERPOINT: Who?
Sun Feb 18 10:39:43 +0000 2018
OPINION: You Deserve To Be Forgotten
Sun Feb 18 10:39:09 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 in my day we didnt know what was beneath the sleeping veil and we were fine with that — @EarthboundCause
Sun Feb 18 04:41:47 +0000 2018
Bone Sorceress Supreme Elmenore Bonewright Faces Criticism for "Demagoguery" After Announcing Plan to Sunder the Sl… https://t.co/Zm9LH3THWi
Sun Feb 18 03:37:45 +0000 2018
REMINDER: We Will Literally Be Torn Apart by Slavering News Hounds if You Do Not Immediately Pledge $1 or More https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Sun Feb 18 03:25:16 +0000 2018
UPDATE: After 200-Year Debate Packed Into Four Terrifying Hours, Senate Votes to Affirm Existence of the Divine Alt… https://t.co/17uHH3TJeX
Sun Feb 18 03:24:41 +0000 2018
7 Signs Your Date Kills People for the Government
Sun Feb 18 03:14:35 +0000 2018
BREAKING: During Senate Debate, She Who Throttles the Dawn Manifests in Third Aspect of Her Manifold Glory, Disprov… https://t.co/XKmTfGxDtU
Sat Feb 17 22:26:44 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Chorus of Muffled Voices Heard Chanting "Thank You for Your Service" from Within the Cop's Belly — @joe_no_privacy
Sat Feb 17 21:12:41 +0000 2018
Pressed on Its Heroic Preservation of the Fundamental Ontological Integrity of Being, Officer Unhinges Jaw, Devours… https://t.co/W1l5fiCSXj
Sat Feb 17 20:34:35 +0000 2018
Florida Man Caught Red-Handed by Off-Duty Cop in Attempt to Steal Everything
Sat Feb 17 20:29:03 +0000 2018
WORD OF THE DAY https://t.co/lAOjopCm9d
Sat Feb 17 18:34:38 +0000 2018
Immaculate Cryptessence of the Divine Alteration to be Debated on Senate Floor
Sat Feb 17 18:25:19 +0000 2018
Shocking Investigation Reveals All Restaurants Nationwide Fronts for Organized Crime
Sat Feb 17 07:42:54 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Number 3 Will Shock You! Literally! — @rabcyr_alt
Sat Feb 17 06:58:30 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 And they're hiring! — @almafeta
Sat Feb 17 06:58:28 +0000 2018
7 Companies That Are Training Our Children to Kill On Command
Sat Feb 17 06:50:39 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 should be a marvelarse performance! — @motordrift
Sat Feb 17 05:58:02 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 The program sincludes Beehoeven's Ninth Nymphony, also known as the "Surprise Sex" Nymphony — @panhopticon
Sat Feb 17 05:57:30 +0000 2018
Erotican Repubic's Nassional Porkestra to Pervorm in Fapital Clity's Largest Cuntsert Hall
Sat Feb 17 02:59:56 +0000 2018
Tears in Eyes, Arch-General Horace the Undying (Ret.) Gives "Moving Speech" at Own Funeral, Announces Fundraising C… https://t.co/dLaE3BUt4l
Sat Feb 17 02:55:42 +0000 2018
He-Who-Is-to-Blame Arrested by Deathless Knights of the King Who Was, the King Who Is, and the King Who Will Foreve… https://t.co/zmCwAsmlDs
Fri Feb 16 21:14:14 +0000 2018
Headless Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) Faces Criticism After "Long, Rambling Speech" on Senate Floor Showing "Obsessive S… https://t.co/cNM3FGJv3v
Fri Feb 16 20:31:11 +0000 2018
COUNTERPOINT: It's His Own Damn Fault
Thu Feb 15 08:20:26 +0000 2018
OPINION: It's Time We Stop Scapegoating He-Who-Is-To-Blame
Thu Feb 15 08:19:53 +0000 2018
@NorWesternCrow @ApprovedNews6 scryer-security — @flare_director
Thu Feb 15 07:45:56 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 CAREER OPPORTUNITY: https://t.co/ufO0F2rQfb — @NorWesternCrow
Thu Feb 15 07:33:10 +0000 2018
16 Tourists Who Were Killed in Under 20 Seconds — @HeadlineSmasher
Thu Feb 15 07:20:28 +0000 2018
FOR LOYAL INFORMED CITIZENS ONLY — Help Defray the Cost of Newslord 7's Desperate Flight to Escape Justice For Crim… https://t.co/1vVg2cKAEr
Thu Feb 15 02:45:39 +0000 2018
SFGate is hinting at some unknown horror just beyond our senses. https://t.co/oQO7fTVLQY — @substitute
Wed Feb 14 09:08:10 +0000 2018
Visibly Waterlogged Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) Holds Press Conference Clinging for Dear Life to Gargoyle on Roof of DHHS… https://t.co/bpjebg2HFy
Wed Feb 14 06:43:15 +0000 2018
SPONSORED: Lose Weight FAST With This Rusty Dagger
Wed Feb 14 01:56:44 +0000 2018
WORD OF THE DAY https://t.co/c8dovqCID3
Tue Feb 13 21:31:29 +0000 2018
WEIRD & WACKY: Class of Sixth Graders on Field Trip to Museum of Wetlands Ecology Massacred by Animatronic Duck
Tue Feb 13 15:57:12 +0000 2018
"I Have No Brain & I Must Tweet:" The Trump Presidency as Runaway Sorcerer's Apprentice Scenario & What It Means For You
Tue Feb 13 14:02:39 +0000 2018
TONIGHT ON OUR EXPERT PANEL — Moderated by Professor of Conspiracy Studies Dr. Ángela Portillo https://t.co/hoip9ZimXc
Tue Feb 13 05:46:58 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 That's... that's not his tongue. I don't know what it is, but it's not his tongue. *holds up hand… https://t.co/47rzsbEIqm — @chas_lovett
Tue Feb 13 01:06:49 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 more political grandstanding? Sheesh — @President_Ark
Tue Feb 13 00:22:38 +0000 2018
Sen. John McCain (R-AZ) Cuts Out Own Tongue Live on C-SPAN — Again!
Tue Feb 13 00:16:47 +0000 2018
Has the So-Called "Beneficent Manifold" Subtly Corrupted Our Ontological Topology? We Interview the Specific Dreadf… https://t.co/gtyE2g9TYK
Mon Feb 12 20:26:36 +0000 2018
How the Illegal Ghost Trade is Booming Under Trump
Mon Feb 12 17:17:43 +0000 2018
Researchers Develop First Haunted Cryptocurrency
Mon Feb 12 17:10:35 +0000 2018
Study: No One Will Be Spared
Mon Feb 12 11:42:43 +0000 2018
Experts: "I Will Cram This Dinette Set Straight Up Your Nose, So Help Me God"
Mon Feb 12 11:39:23 +0000 2018
Pressed for Comment, St. Michaelides, Bathed in Holy Light from On High, Declares Fentanyl a Sacrament
Mon Feb 12 00:07:12 +0000 2018
St. Claudine Michaelides, Living Icon of the Sevenfold Church of the Congregating Shadows, Arrested for Selling Cou… https://t.co/5oRAfwVzcw
Mon Feb 12 00:04:23 +0000 2018
Analysts: "You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet"
Sun Feb 11 21:35:46 +0000 2018
How Stone Hoarders are Destroying Our Country — and You Can Too!
Sun Feb 11 20:26:40 +0000 2018
Dying Guy Won't Stay Still Long Enough for Grab-Ass — @HeadlineSmasher
Sun Feb 11 20:10:31 +0000 2018
New White House Plague Doctor "Only Visible in Infrared," Leaves Trails of Blood and Gold Wherever it Walks, & Has "Impossibly Long Beak"
Sun Feb 11 18:19:48 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 number 8 will surprise you — @CurmudgeonBeast
Sun Feb 11 06:55:21 +0000 2018
7 People Who Will Survive
Sun Feb 11 06:44:44 +0000 2018
Insider Sources: "Anyone Got Any Oxy?"
Sat Feb 10 20:56:03 +0000 2018
Pressed on Current Political Realities, Experts, Pupils Tiny & Legs Unsteady, Recommend "Crippling Heroin Addiction"
Sat Feb 10 20:52:55 +0000 2018
Why We're All High Today — and Why We're Never Coming Down
Sat Feb 10 20:51:17 +0000 2018
Trump Fires White House Plague Doctor
Sat Feb 10 19:56:40 +0000 2018
Sen. Ryan: "I'm Gonna Take You to the Valley Without Thought;" "I'm Gonna Show You How the Mouthless Child Sings"
Sat Feb 10 19:12:01 +0000 2018
Cc @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/MkeAX7WRjM — @zombiecalypse
Sat Feb 10 07:05:29 +0000 2018
New Study: Heterosexuality "Rapidly Depleting" Ozone Layer
Sat Feb 10 04:46:59 +0000 2018
COUNTERPOINT: Just Be Polite & Give Him Your Hide to Wear as A Cape Like He Wants
Sat Feb 10 04:43:10 +0000 2018
OPINION: We Need to Have a Calm & Reasonable Discourse With the Axe-Wielding Maniac Covered in Swastikas Who is Sla… https://t.co/4ay24Bg2yr
Sat Feb 10 04:40:41 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 "It Wasn't Even By The Sharp End, How Does That Even Happen?", Local Pixie Reports — @TimProbable
Sat Feb 10 04:39:44 +0000 2018
Trump Impaled by Unicorn
Sat Feb 10 04:28:18 +0000 2018
REMINDER: Approved News 6 Depends on Viewers Like You to Dole Out Meager Rations to Our Throngs of Starving, Emacia… https://t.co/zQ61vkpjYZ — @ApprovedNews6
Sat Feb 10 04:25:34 +0000 2018
WEIRD & WACKY: Illinois State Legistlature Refuses to Repeal Archaic Law Criminalizing Speech in the Tongue That Flays & Tears
Sat Feb 10 04:10:20 +0000 2018
How the Tainted Saint Swayed the Hissing Lands for Trump
Fri Feb 09 22:39:52 +0000 2018
REMINDER: Approved News 6 Depends on Viewers Like You to Dole Out Meager Rations to Our Throngs of Starving, Emacia… https://t.co/zQ61vkpjYZ
Fri Feb 09 19:42:05 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 3 days later: trump wasn't wearing a hat anyway, and if he was, it was exactly the right thing to do… https://t.co/4qlPBEeQZT — @harriekd
Fri Feb 09 19:37:26 +0000 2018
thank fucking god. & STAY DOWN https://t.co/7V5dqXsbMR — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Feb 09 19:36:38 +0000 2018
Solemnly Chanting Figures in Waterlogged Robes Emerge from Reflection on Storefront Window to Bear Away Squirming R… https://t.co/QIrZTpQWOK
Fri Feb 09 19:35:19 +0000 2018
Pressed for Comment, Secretary Sanders Issues Incomprehensibly Muffled Statement From Deep Within the Crime Hole
Fri Feb 09 19:31:15 +0000 2018
"I've Never Been So Happy to See Air-to-Air Missiles Fired in American Airspace:" DC Locals React to "Hatgate"
Fri Feb 09 19:29:48 +0000 2018
UPDATE: Trump's Hat Shot Down by Air Force
Fri Feb 09 19:25:29 +0000 2018
"Absolutely Nothing is Wrong:" Press Secretary Sanders Screams at Reporters, Clambering Down Ladder into Deep Earthen Pit Behind White House
Fri Feb 09 19:23:16 +0000 2018
Trump's Hat Wreaks Campaign of Terror on DC, Swooping Down From Sky and Carrying Away Unwary Children in Its Massive Pincers
Fri Feb 09 19:20:38 +0000 2018
BREAKING: Trump's Hat Claws Loose of Its Host, Escapes White House Despite Efforts of Hundreds of Gnomes With Flyswatters to Contain It
Fri Feb 09 19:19:15 +0000 2018
"It's A Very Big Hat," Trump Reassures Reporters, As Something Dark & Chitinous Begins Bubbling Up Out Of His Skull
Fri Feb 09 19:17:25 +0000 2018
UPDATE: Clouds Above White House Briefly Form Most Terrible Sigil, As All Around Cower and Wail at the Terrible Sorceries Thereby Foretold
Fri Feb 09 19:16:19 +0000 2018
"I Wasn't Even Wearing A Hat:" Baffled Reporter Escorted From White House by Seven-Foot-Tall, Quietly Buzzing Men i… https://t.co/p7ae1RbKm6
Fri Feb 09 19:14:06 +0000 2018
Pressed on Trump's False Claims to Be Wearing A Hat, Visibly Perspiring Press Secretary Sanders Blames "Unruly Teen… https://t.co/p3PxAHPRvy
Fri Feb 09 19:10:47 +0000 2018
"I'm Wearing A Hat Right Now," "It's A Very Big Hat," "It's Bigger Than Yours, Buddy:" Trump, Head Bare, Looses Tirade on Reporter
Fri Feb 09 19:09:39 +0000 2018
"The President-Erect is Cuntrolling Our Minds:" Conspi-racy Theorists in Erotican Repubic Sackuse Government of "De… https://t.co/2Fv3gfLGgY
Fri Feb 09 17:19:26 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 AND HERE TO REPORT ON THE SHUTDOWN IS THE ENTITY https://t.co/NLVNvZ38y7 — @mcclure111
Fri Feb 09 06:19:00 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 this is going to cost the jobs of millions of bigots — @AndrewNCassidy
Fri Feb 09 04:24:05 +0000 2018
Is Unidentified Compound Beta the New Unidentified Compound Alpha? We Ask Lifestyle Experts, Only on Approved News 6!
Fri Feb 09 04:23:29 +0000 2018
New "Apple iPhobes" To Automate Discrimination, Say Industry Insiders
Fri Feb 09 03:44:29 +0000 2018
LRT: I mean, look at these rewards; you can’t afford to not support @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/XvH93rKbyk — @monosynth
Fri Feb 09 02:00:09 +0000 2018
@VinnieTesla @ApprovedNews6 UMMMMM this is literally the "True Tree Puncher" fallacy you've invoked here. — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Feb 09 00:40:26 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Real Tree Punchers Don't Use Axes — @VinnieTesla
Fri Feb 09 00:40:24 +0000 2018
Inside Trump's Secret Goblin-Punching Room
Fri Feb 09 00:39:49 +0000 2018
Connecticut: Man With Filthy Toilet Plunger Affixed to Head Seeks Democratic Nomination for State Secretary of Darkness
Thu Feb 08 21:17:40 +0000 2018
Analysts: 74% of Childbirths in United States Now Subject to Digital Rights Management
Thu Feb 08 20:21:50 +0000 2018
American Tree-Punching League Elects New Axemaster
Thu Feb 08 20:21:04 +0000 2018
Collapse of Bone Fugue Insurance Industry Sends Shockwaves Through Financial Sector
Thu Feb 08 20:19:57 +0000 2018
READ NOW: Seven Ritual Incisions for the Weary Homemaker
Thu Feb 08 20:18:39 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 And yet three years ago he was slamming Obama for being too soft on the media when he followed through on that same offer. — @MonsieurLongIII
Thu Feb 08 20:10:46 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 so if you feel like helping the always-Approved cause of [REDACTED] journalism, please consider pled… https://t.co/t4AcXZnYQ0 — @velartrill
Thu Feb 08 20:07:26 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 i despise begging for money like this. i want to be able to dedicate my time to writing, not doing t… https://t.co/M6UJp81Ts0 — @velartrill
Thu Feb 08 20:07:18 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 it's a serious struggle right now, because Seattle is a gentrified hellscape and AN6 is my only sour… https://t.co/dIlLlmgcC6 — @velartrill
Thu Feb 08 20:07:13 +0000 2018
hi @ApprovedNews6 fans. apologies for the recent shortage of tweets; right now i'm busy trying to get out of my hom… https://t.co/nYWtRe2PAc — @velartrill
Thu Feb 08 20:07:09 +0000 2018
BREAKING: Slave-King of the Dungeonwoods Rejects Canticle of the Binding Sun After Public Dispute With the Church of Chains
Thu Feb 08 18:11:14 +0000 2018
Smiling Hugely, Trump Offers to Paint Sky With Reporter's Blood
Thu Feb 08 17:56:20 +0000 2018
Benedict: God Told Me to F*ck Myself — @HeadlineSmasher
Thu Feb 08 08:11:44 +0000 2018
BREAKING: Newslord 7 Announces Plan to Flee to Seattle in Desperate Attempt to Escape Long Arm of the Law
Thu Feb 08 05:17:26 +0000 2018
COUNTERPOINT: It Was Never All That Great to Begin With
Wed Feb 07 23:02:12 +0000 2018
OPINION: It'll Get Better
Wed Feb 07 23:01:45 +0000 2018
Florida Man Retweets Self
Wed Feb 07 22:56:10 +0000 2018
How the Mouldering Patriarch of the Morning Throne Could Prevent Brexit
Wed Feb 07 21:31:31 +0000 2018
LIFEHACK: Convince Yourself It Will Be Different This Time, With Crystals
Wed Feb 07 09:23:19 +0000 2018
Analysts: "This Is Going to Make the Great Mistake Look Like Unknown Incident #7974 by Comparison"
Wed Feb 07 07:34:38 +0000 2018
"I'm Going to Be Honest With You," "Things Aren't Looking Good:" Spokesman Confirms Reports
Wed Feb 07 07:20:08 +0000 2018
"The Shit is Gonna Hit the Fan:" Celebrities Weigh in on How Much Worse It's Going to Get
Wed Feb 07 07:19:26 +0000 2018
Experts Warn It Could Soon Reach Never-Before-Seen Levels of Worse
Wed Feb 07 07:17:45 +0000 2018
BREAKING: It Continues to Get Worse
Wed Feb 07 07:17:10 +0000 2018
It Gets Worse
Wed Feb 07 01:01:14 +0000 2018
Cocaine-Filled Condoms Sent to Vatican FOR POPE BLESSING — @HeadlineSmasher
Tue Feb 06 21:05:53 +0000 2018
Seven Fortune 500 CEOs Who Tried to Beat the Lobster King at His Own Game — And FAILED
Tue Feb 06 19:24:34 +0000 2018
HEIST! Fourth Beatified Ember of the Undying Flame Stolen from National Archives
Tue Feb 06 19:21:48 +0000 2018
Five Poisons They'll Never Detect Until It's Too Late
Tue Feb 06 19:20:04 +0000 2018
Why Bees Are the Future of Warfare — @hail_ants_bot
Tue Feb 06 17:50:13 +0000 2018
WORD OF THE DAY: https://t.co/5fdDddVaY9
Tue Feb 06 16:12:01 +0000 2018
Tickets to Public Execution of Unpaid Intern for Incompetence & Heretical Publication of Un-Approved News To Sell f… https://t.co/RSCdpJrjRC
Mon Feb 05 22:52:06 +0000 2018
Intern Found Misusing Official Approved News 6 Social Media Accounts to be Blown From Cannon Into the Gorge of All… https://t.co/VmdF6jeJVo
Mon Feb 05 22:46:32 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/vIiCeaGpRh — @mcclure111
Mon Feb 05 20:52:42 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/2kdgDwERfu — @mcclure111
Mon Feb 05 20:52:29 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/V2USxMGmj0 — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Feb 05 20:52:22 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/5LzB7q8xHv — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Feb 05 20:52:18 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/sdUXunM0Wa — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Feb 05 20:52:15 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/NzIZaA5cRa — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Feb 05 20:52:14 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/iIm31YkyNN — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Feb 05 20:52:00 +0000 2018
@almafeta @ApprovedNews6 Op-Ed: If Vore Fetishism is the Cost of Creating an Emaciated and Ravenous Ghoul-Child Arm… https://t.co/lkzkZXFbwf — @YorkshireTX
Sun Feb 04 00:06:23 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 I thought that was the millennial siege engineers — @ravikanodia
Sun Feb 04 00:05:52 +0000 2018
cc @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/3kdK6dDkzm — @ravikanodia
Sun Feb 04 00:05:43 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: It's Alarming That Vore Fetishism Can Be Caused By Something As Simple As Raising Our Chil… https://t.co/1VFr7YBUTJ — @almafeta
Sat Feb 03 17:56:57 +0000 2018
Consume the traditional family https://t.co/ZSvIuCJyJt — @Andysmaps
Sat Feb 03 17:56:30 +0000 2018
Florida Man Adds "Raceplay" to FetLife Profile
Sat Feb 03 17:43:30 +0000 2018
EDITORIAL: How Teenage Vore Fiends Are Undermining the Traditional Family
Sat Feb 03 05:30:05 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 @Probgoblin https://t.co/oHbCg6SfxI — @insomniacity
Fri Feb 02 20:22:48 +0000 2018
The Only Thing That's Been Clearly Successful in Japan Ends — @HeadlineSmasher
Fri Feb 02 00:13:58 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/ENbvlX7d73 — @NorWesternCrow
Thu Feb 01 22:13:36 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Terrified Reporter: https://t.co/pe6vgMmlI0 — @NorWesternCrow
Thu Feb 01 21:26:53 +0000 2018
Trump Blames Crash of Train Carrying Republican Lawmakers on "Deep Fate" Prophecy
Thu Feb 01 20:36:10 +0000 2018
"At least 50 percent [of shoppers] completely ignore [the golem] like it is any other device, which surprised us." — @HexReview
Thu Feb 01 18:30:06 +0000 2018
Awww, Toddlers Are Obsessed With Olive Garden — @HeadlineSmasher
Thu Feb 01 17:51:31 +0000 2018
WORD OF THE DAY: https://t.co/yRLup6HZgE
Thu Feb 01 06:33:25 +0000 2018
@listelian @ApprovedNews6 I think we've all been assuming that the dawn isn't into breathplay. No kinkshaming, y'all. — @chas_lovett
Thu Feb 01 00:50:37 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 I like how the media just assumes that She Who Throttles The Dawn is somehow monogamous. — @listelian
Wed Jan 31 23:15:45 +0000 2018
Jealousy "A Mortal Affectation:" Exalted Architect of the Beneficent Manifold Indignantly Dismisses Allegations of… https://t.co/EAePHK0ngu
Wed Jan 31 23:15:41 +0000 2018
TROUBLE IN PARADISE? Scandalous New Photos Appear to Show She Who Throttles The Dawn in Affair With Sublime Matron of the Lambent Fissure
Wed Jan 31 23:09:01 +0000 2018
“Replace the atmosphere with blood” I see the republicans have started sourcing policy from @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/oyEeWOZx3J — @Catfish_Man
Wed Jan 31 20:33:09 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 BREAKING: Google Drone Fleet May Soon Be Facing A New Threat https://t.co/25LFHdiBVm — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Jan 31 19:04:28 +0000 2018
Trump's Fate of the Union Address Plunges Eastern Seaboard Into Impenetrable Darkness
Wed Jan 31 03:48:14 +0000 2018
WORD OF THE DAY: https://t.co/QDaEcUyWpU
Tue Jan 30 20:33:33 +0000 2018
Concerned Parents Warn Rising Youth Suicide Rates Could "Dramatically Reduce" America's Surplus of Cheap Labor
Tue Jan 30 20:24:40 +0000 2018
BREAKING: CEO Jeff Bezos Found Dismembered in Locked Room, Empty but for Bloodstained Amazon Echo
Tue Jan 30 19:47:20 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 SPONSORED: 1/1 Florida Man Prefers To Improve The Flavor Of His Crimes With https://t.co/EDWlfPlZbE — @NorWesternCrow
Tue Jan 30 19:33:27 +0000 2018
Inside the Hug War: A Closer Look at Mexico's Brutal "Abrazotraficantes"
Tue Jan 30 18:06:13 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Counterpoint: You'll Never Catch Me Alive, Copper — @solotheloso
Tue Jan 30 17:39:17 +0000 2018
You Won't Get Away This Time
Tue Jan 30 17:07:46 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/xGguV8oF2t — @mcclure111
Tue Jan 30 15:45:32 +0000 2018
14 Reasons Why Today's Youth Long for the Sweet Release of Death - #7 Will Shock You!
Tue Jan 30 03:02:56 +0000 2018
Seven Hilarious Reasons We're Going to Overdose on Heroin
Tue Jan 30 03:01:21 +0000 2018
It's still cold, and Her Majesty Snow Queen of the Hinterlands would still like to remind you to put fresh batterie… https://t.co/2DY5H8Eje2 — @USCPSC
Mon Jan 29 17:31:22 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 PROMOTED: https://t.co/kQg7Pi812N — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Jan 29 16:54:04 +0000 2018
Trump Slammed for "Inappropriate" Comments After Complimenting Female Reporter's "Succulent Face-Meats"
Mon Jan 29 16:47:55 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/4QvRIK7yah — @Jackapedia_
Sun Jan 28 02:15:57 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 🅱PINION: [🅱EDACTED] — @joe_no_privacy
Sun Jan 28 01:55:58 +0000 2018
OPINION: 🅱️
Sun Jan 28 01:47:25 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 STUDY: https://t.co/lQkN7GXaDJ — @NorWesternCrow
Sat Jan 27 01:48:02 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 So tired of the news trying to distract us responsible parents from the real teen addiction threat: eating food — @zacaj_
Fri Jan 26 23:10:36 +0000 2018
Are Today's Teens Addicted to Social Interaction and Human Connections? We Ask the Experts, Only on Approved News 6 — @ApprovedNews6
Fri Jan 26 23:05:28 +0000 2018
Grown-Ass Man Builds Olive Garden Menu Fort to Hide Russian Homophobia From Olympic Audiences? — @HeadlineSmasher
Fri Jan 26 16:26:18 +0000 2018
Are Today's Teens Addicted to Social Interaction and Human Connections? We Ask the Experts, Only on Approved News 6
Fri Jan 26 08:11:27 +0000 2018
@DarrylDaugherty @ApprovedNews6 Pundits: "Compromise?" — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Jan 26 07:39:25 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Guerrilla: “Resist” — @DarrylDaugherty
Fri Jan 26 07:39:24 +0000 2018
Experts: "Comply"
Fri Jan 26 05:42:18 +0000 2018
No Oxygen, Please, for This School Year — @HeadlineSmasher
Fri Jan 26 04:10:59 +0000 2018
Erotican Repubic's De-parts-ment of Health Launches Cumpaign Against High Fucktose Porn Syrup
Wed Jan 24 19:13:48 +0000 2018
The Humans Are Dead, Long Live the Beast With 56 Names — @HeadlineSmasher
Wed Jan 24 09:00:19 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 BUSINESS: Billionaire Steals Larger Amount of Money — @listelian
Wed Jan 24 00:18:42 +0000 2018
ENTERTAINMENT: Millionaire Given Large Amount of Money
Wed Jan 24 00:05:22 +0000 2018
REPORT: How the Tri-Fate Area Has Been Impacted by the Ninth Great Becalming
Tue Jan 23 22:26:37 +0000 2018
@3fingeredfox @ApprovedNews6 No he wasn't! All serious inquiries agreed that the unfortunate incident was caused by… https://t.co/7NMEaqbWTl — @EugeneIpavec
Tue Jan 23 21:52:18 +0000 2018
@EugeneIpavec @ApprovedNews6 Come on, Fondlebot was guilty. — @3fingeredfox
Tue Jan 23 21:52:03 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Miniature Bill Gates Pressed for Comment Between the Pages of a Thick Book — @3fingeredfox
Tue Jan 23 21:33:42 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 This is apalling. Have we as a society learned nothing from the tragic aftermath of the false accusa… https://t.co/6F67ymFSmj — @EugeneIpavec
Tue Jan 23 21:33:13 +0000 2018
"Envision, If You Will, A World-Wide Network of Computers, Passing News & Information Between Continents at the Spe… https://t.co/DYObxvXCmI
Tue Jan 23 19:43:07 +0000 2018
Users Report Controversial New Windows Update Causing "Miniature Version" of Bill Gates, Seemingly Twenty Years You… https://t.co/WHJ8DzRfrf
Tue Jan 23 19:34:19 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 @TimCushing That never happened. I wasn't there. — @LanceWhitney6
Tue Jan 23 04:04:53 +0000 2018
Brandishing Battered, Bloodstained Iron Shortsword, Camille Burgess Declares Green Party's Tribute "Acceptable, For Now"
Tue Jan 23 01:12:45 +0000 2018
"Please Don't Hurt Us, Camille:" Green Party Leadership Genuflect in Terror Before Recipient of Lord Carnithrax Blo… https://t.co/TP6vKKeFG1
Mon Jan 22 23:52:06 +0000 2018
Nervously Sweating Green Party Spokesman Awards 2018 Lord Carnithrax Bloodgasm Memorial Scholarship to Teenage Prog… https://t.co/qJQXnrFKno
Mon Jan 22 23:49:12 +0000 2018
@flare_director @ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Did not, and nobody alive today will say otherwise. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Mon Jan 22 23:20:59 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: [REDACTED] IS [REDACTED], ACTUALLY — @flare_director
Mon Jan 22 23:20:57 +0000 2018
BREAKING: REDACTED
Mon Jan 22 21:33:59 +0000 2018
Majestic Council of Newslords, Speaking in Monotone Unison, Takes "Full Responsibility" for "Failure to Avert That… https://t.co/xS9tWkwcuj
Mon Jan 22 21:11:38 +0000 2018
Fate That Befell "LAMBENT MINSTREL"-Tier Patrons "Unforgettable, Despite How Long We Have Sat Awake At Night, Whisk… https://t.co/oZW0LfRRy5
Mon Jan 22 21:06:31 +0000 2018
FROM THE DESK OF THE EDITOR: We At Approved News 6 Sincerely Apologize to the Surviving Relatives of "LAMBENT MINSTREL"-Tier Patrons
Mon Jan 22 21:04:54 +0000 2018
Senate Dems: "Seems Fake But Okay"
Mon Jan 22 20:56:40 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Opinion: "Err" — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Jan 22 20:21:40 +0000 2018
Experts: "Um"
Mon Jan 22 19:51:45 +0000 2018
How This Game-Changing New Startup is Using Shock Collars to Improve the Proletariat
Mon Jan 22 17:37:12 +0000 2018
US Senate Has Enough Votes To Approve Stopgap Bill, End US Government -NBC Citing Sources — @LiveSquawk
Mon Jan 22 17:30:22 +0000 2018
Pressed for Comment, Mawlings Demonstrates Revolutionary New Purling Technique from Hospital Bed
Mon Jan 22 16:57:02 +0000 2018
TRAGEDY: Approved News 6 Knitting Correspondent Tyrone Mawlings Hospitalized After Destroying Small Norwegian Town… https://t.co/naM04LNzhl — @ApprovedNews6
Mon Jan 22 16:55:39 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Shrouded in mists, a half-glimpsed thing made of half-made forms, the CIA director—long thought to b… https://t.co/jmP02Gz5Hr — @mcclure111
Mon Jan 22 16:46:49 +0000 2018
TRAGEDY: Approved News 6 Knitting Correspondent Tyrone Mawlings Hospitalized After Destroying Small Norwegian Town… https://t.co/naM04LNzhl
Mon Jan 22 12:46:59 +0000 2018
New Study: Don't Look Now
Mon Jan 22 11:39:35 +0000 2018
Everyone Out to Get You
Mon Jan 22 11:38:49 +0000 2018
WORD OF THE DAY: https://t.co/8BE8RMYSDJ
Mon Jan 22 11:34:24 +0000 2018
Me and My Husband Died — @HeadlineSmasher
Mon Jan 22 11:29:06 +0000 2018
Republicans Pass Emergency Bill to Fund Department of Setting Things on Fire
Mon Jan 22 06:21:19 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 How scandalous! Such an overreach of our justice system could be a harbinger of darker legal times a… https://t.co/ByTYkEVgym — @flare_director
Mon Jan 22 05:44:45 +0000 2018
OPINION: The Allegations of Sexual Assault Against Molestron 6000 Are Shameful & Untrue
Mon Jan 22 00:55:45 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 The damned nanny state is conflating cursed portals with cursed doors, & trying to ban all of them! They're nothing alike! — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Jan 22 00:30:56 +0000 2018
Why Doors Could Soon Be Illegal
Mon Jan 22 00:04:23 +0000 2018
How Vampire Law Courts are Changing Under Trump's Appointees
Sun Jan 21 22:05:17 +0000 2018
Michael Gove: "Britons Might Be Able To Keep Thumbs After Brexit" https://t.co/MdNmSkLDRr — @clickbaitrobot
Sun Jan 21 21:49:56 +0000 2018
Citing "Vast User Base" Who "Do Not Realize They Are Russians," Twitter Begins Awareness Campaign
Sun Jan 21 06:03:45 +0000 2018
"Get In The Crime Hole!" Press Secretary Sanders, Mascara Smeared & Weeping With Frustration, Pushes Reporter After… https://t.co/WNxO7zrLGI
Sat Jan 20 23:36:53 +0000 2018
OPINION: Can Thatcherism Cure Cancer? We Won't Know Until We've Tried It!
Sat Jan 20 22:43:36 +0000 2018
EXPERTS: https://t.co/9Ys9dJtH48
Sat Jan 20 22:37:53 +0000 2018
MAYHEM: BDSM-Crazed Elves Descend on D.C., Abducting Innocent Citizens & Lawmakers Alike
Sat Jan 20 22:17:22 +0000 2018
"The Lung Mold is There for Your Protection:" The Slavering Council Condemns Wallachian Secessionists, Vows "Brutal… https://t.co/WpUGTB3Frc
Sat Jan 20 22:12:12 +0000 2018
INTERNATIONAL: Wallachia Secedes from the Ever-Thirsting Union, Citing "Unacceptable Profusion of Lung-Mold"
Sat Jan 20 22:09:39 +0000 2018
Speech Organs "Source of Inefficiency," "More Modern, Efficient" Means of Nutrition Available, Nameless Corporation… https://t.co/YO2E5sD3HP
Sat Jan 20 22:01:11 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 fair enough, in the Ruins of New York mouths are generally full of bugs — @Chirurgic
Sat Jan 20 21:59:15 +0000 2018
Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York Deprecates Mouths
Sat Jan 20 21:57:12 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Don't Even Worry About It, Leading Scientists Say — @mcclure111
Sat Jan 20 20:16:18 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: "Better the experts than me" — @almafeta
Sat Jan 20 09:40:12 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Voice over radio: “Sssend mmmore exxxpertsss…” — @DarrylDaugherty
Sat Jan 20 09:39:59 +0000 2018
Experts: "Go!", "We'll Hold Them Off," "Call for Help, Before It's Too Late!"
Sat Jan 20 09:28:53 +0000 2018
Experts: "FUCK," "RUN!"
Sat Jan 20 09:21:30 +0000 2018
Experts: It's Probably Nothing
Sat Jan 20 07:25:58 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Civilization may have been the dream. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Fri Jan 19 19:19:58 +0000 2018
BREAKING: Five Partially Redacted Pages of the Holtzmann Memo Found in Lobby by Approved News 6 Receptionist, Signe… https://t.co/mfXSIHQG0e
Fri Jan 19 19:15:23 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Ugh, already? Tax season is coming earlier and earlier, I swear — @ha_aright
Fri Jan 19 18:37:27 +0000 2018
Four Holes You Had No Idea You Could Fit In Until You Awoke There, Naked and Trembling, Miles From Civilization With No Help in Sight
Fri Jan 19 18:14:19 +0000 2018
Local Teen is Beyond Even the Greatest of Our Weapons
Fri Jan 19 02:08:43 +0000 2018
Florida Man Killed by Meme
Fri Jan 19 01:10:17 +0000 2018
Experts: "I Want a Refund"
Thu Jan 18 21:22:30 +0000 2018
Secret Service Reports Enchanted Keys to Presidential Abattoir "Stolen" by "Tricky Witches"
Thu Jan 18 21:16:30 +0000 2018
Hundreds of Figures in Singed White Robes, Faces Concealed Beneath Veils As Dark As Night, Amass on White House Law… https://t.co/yZbwclZDxO
Thu Jan 18 20:38:22 +0000 2018
Democratic Party Begins Purge of "Anti-Armageddon Extremists"
Thu Jan 18 04:45:49 +0000 2018
Pocket Sandwiches Revolutionized and 1,000,000 Times More Brutal Than Terrorists — @HeadlineSmasher
Wed Jan 17 21:21:09 +0000 2018
Health Alert: Don't Drink Water or Walk on Land, You'll Be Fine — @HeadlineSmasher
Wed Jan 17 21:19:52 +0000 2018
Study: Patients Permitted Use of Opioid Analgesics to Control Post-Surgical Pain "Ten Times More Likely" to Commit… https://t.co/thx8RbGiYJ
Wed Jan 17 14:33:37 +0000 2018
Finally, a media outlet with the courage to go beyond interviewing former coal miners and get to the REAL story. https://t.co/QuIIFdGme8 — @orzelc
Wed Jan 17 00:27:00 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 But Not Nearly As Much As The BDSM Elves! — @shrikex0r
Tue Jan 16 23:24:25 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 we're still working on the formal apology your reporters need to chill please — @shardsambit
Tue Jan 16 22:20:20 +0000 2018
Are BDSM-Crazed Elves the Reason Trump Won? This New Report Will Shock You!
Tue Jan 16 21:43:59 +0000 2018
REMINDER: Any Individuals With Access to the Mandrake Dossier, the Kennesaw Codex, the Holtzmann Memo, or the Archi… https://t.co/m9SwcAosg0
Tue Jan 16 20:50:13 +0000 2018
BREAKING: "Designated Individual Alef-Bravo" Leaks Full, Unredacted Copy of the Mississauga Zodiac File to Approved News 6
Tue Jan 16 20:38:00 +0000 2018
"Look, I Know What This Looks Like, But He Was Alive When I Started:" Purported Recording of White House Press Secr… https://t.co/aJGT1Yjp98
Tue Jan 16 08:19:17 +0000 2018
WORD OF THE DAY: https://t.co/uofediPlHk
Tue Jan 16 08:02:34 +0000 2018
@sarahshulist Chasing an ever greater high, our youth may next experiment with other purportedly closed classes, su… https://t.co/9Npkk2AhDt — @brynguist
Tue Jan 16 04:28:29 +0000 2018
I think @ApprovedNews6 got scooped https://t.co/RNV8lBKKXZ — @trochee
Tue Jan 16 04:28:06 +0000 2018
"When I Play God, I Win:" Watch Our Exclusive Interview with Dr. Albert Starbone, Chief of Genetic Engineering for… https://t.co/3giulYPS15
Mon Jan 15 23:55:59 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 OH man this $5 is going to turn my life around. — @hummingrain
Mon Jan 15 22:11:44 +0000 2018
SPONSORED: Have You Developed Strange & Alarming New Powers You Cannot Fully Control After Being Unethically Experi… https://t.co/rxEVqevqMT
Mon Jan 15 21:34:13 +0000 2018
WORD OF THE DAY: https://t.co/2FFEiXcHei
Mon Jan 15 20:39:18 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Isn’t he originally from New York? I’d love to hear how he made it out! — @insomniacity
Mon Jan 15 20:29:58 +0000 2018
@NorWesternCrow @ApprovedNews6 REPORT: Trump considering sending all husks back to the Fetid Amalgam; "They're not rending their best" — @sardonic_greek
Mon Jan 15 05:22:53 +0000 2018
SCANDAL: Erotican Repubic's Weather Vorecasts Revealed to Cuntain "Encoded Massages" From Mysterious Orgasmization… https://t.co/mvmZACifwW
Mon Jan 15 02:26:13 +0000 2018
Superb Owl "Is No More," "For The Forest Beats With His Mighty Heart:" Wise Witch of the Whispering Woods Issues Bi… https://t.co/k07qZmrZNl
Sun Jan 14 22:55:48 +0000 2018
Appropriate Individuals Agree: All Hail the Great News Orb
Sun Jan 14 22:38:33 +0000 2018
Great Council of Newslords: "Special Condition 'Placid Lake'" "A Mere Trifle" Before "The Awesome Power of Journali… https://t.co/xtfpt2DGnF
Sun Jan 14 22:38:20 +0000 2018
…DESIGNATED ENTITY "OMAHA COLANDER" HAS BEEN IMPACTED BY PHENOMENON "CATALAN BLUE"…WE ARE NOW IN SITUATION "LONELY DUET"…REPEAT… — @substation77
Sun Jan 14 22:37:13 +0000 2018
Seventy-Seven Things "The Committee" Won't Tell You About "Operation Euripides"
Sun Jan 14 22:36:59 +0000 2018
BREAKING: Masked Gunman, Former CNN Contributor, Joins Approved News 6 as Political Commentator
Sun Jan 14 22:36:21 +0000 2018
"A Thousand Lies for the God of Knives:" Liberals Mock Trump's "Flubbing" of Traditional Chant in Ceremony Meant to Honor the Lobster King
Sun Jan 14 22:30:36 +0000 2018
Blind Monks of the Wandering Tower Arrive in Caravan of Rickety Wooden Carts Drawn by Pale Horses, Bear Away Single… https://t.co/Outb468yU3
Sun Jan 14 22:24:53 +0000 2018
"The Fool Has No Idea The Powers With Which He Trifles:" Eminent Matriarch of the Effulgent Lattice Denies Involvem… https://t.co/PVKRQGDGN9
Sun Jan 14 22:21:46 +0000 2018
Pressed for Comment, Exalted Architect of the Beneficent Manifold Rings Single-Sided Gong, Flits Away Between the U… https://t.co/YuqaZjIiyu
Sun Jan 14 22:19:13 +0000 2018
"I Am To Hearken to the Words of Some Cringing Maiden Who Cravenly Forsook the Mantle of Divinity She Bought at Suc… https://t.co/eWfd43UqaA
Sun Jan 14 22:10:29 +0000 2018
"The Forbidden Arts Are Forbidden For A Reason:" Exalted Architect of the Beneficent Manifold, Only Human Known to… https://t.co/JLVjB7Hxhy
Sun Jan 14 22:05:24 +0000 2018
Pressed for Comment, Sen. Gladstone Fixes Vengeful Gaze on Reporter, Lights Single Black Candle, & Hoarsely Mutters… https://t.co/EV9SganBe8
Sun Jan 14 22:03:49 +0000 2018
"I'd Do It All Over Again:" State Senator Marcus Gladstone, Heavily Scarred Chest Bared & Clad Only in Animal Furs,… https://t.co/WsDpPTtueZ
Sun Jan 14 22:02:14 +0000 2018
Indiana State Senator Whose Failed Ascension to Godhood Caused Dozens of Tsunamis, Incalculable Property Damage and… https://t.co/tTRT71SS8l
Sun Jan 14 21:52:39 +0000 2018
Experts: "We're All Going To Die"
Sun Jan 14 21:49:37 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Archfungus spokesthrall: “Please remove all respiratory filters and enjoy the lovely weather”. — @MonsieurLongIII
Sun Jan 14 21:47:13 +0000 2018
"Outstanding Work You Guys Are Doing," "It's Outstanding, I Love It:" Trump Heaps Praise on Nameless Corporation's… https://t.co/22mRhyNOlB
Sun Jan 14 21:44:59 +0000 2018
Trump to Visit Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York, Meet With Shadowy "Board of Directors"
Sun Jan 14 21:42:58 +0000 2018
US deploys nuclear-capable B-2 stealth bombers closer to Intel — @TwoHeadlines
Sun Jan 14 21:41:45 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Google Opens New Drone Base In Idlib https://t.co/QFIZgksuKg — @NorWesternCrow
Sun Jan 14 21:41:39 +0000 2018
Concerned Parents Dispute Account, Place Blame for Archfungus Outbreaks on "Disrespectful Teens" "Getting High on Spores"
Sun Jan 14 21:41:14 +0000 2018
Activists Warn Great Archfungus Outbreaks "Have Doubled in Frequency" Under Trump Administration, Blaming "Lackadaisical" Health Policy
Sun Jan 14 21:40:15 +0000 2018
Why We're Going to REDACTED Until [REDACTED] Unless [REDACTED]
Sun Jan 14 21:37:47 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Jeez, I wonder what could possibly have given the author that idea? (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻ — @insomniacity
Sun Jan 14 00:26:18 +0000 2018
POLITICS: Why the Sect of the Lidless Eye Has Done an About-Face on Trump
Sat Jan 13 06:51:42 +0000 2018
WORD OF THE DAY: https://t.co/IYwJaRKqBE
Sat Jan 13 04:31:03 +0000 2018
If they'd legalize hugs we wouldn't have this problem. https://t.co/cqxcbVuMvf — @Knightly65
Fri Jan 12 05:04:31 +0000 2018
@levinthauer @ApprovedNews6 👏 stop 👏 hugging 👏 the 👏 Children 👏 — @zacaj_
Fri Jan 12 02:45:26 +0000 2018
@zacaj_ @ApprovedNews6 Think of the Children!™ — @levinthauer
Fri Jan 12 02:45:24 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 thank god someone is finally putting a stop to this depravity — @zacaj_
Fri Jan 12 02:28:22 +0000 2018
Pressed for Comment, Nameless Corporation Spokesdrone Latches Onto Reporter With Dozens of Spiked Tubes & Drains Ou… https://t.co/eUIkyCiYkN
Fri Jan 12 02:28:10 +0000 2018
Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York Electrifying Major Waterways to Deter "Shiftlessness," "Vagrancy"
Fri Jan 12 02:26:38 +0000 2018
How One Courageous Detective is Undermining the Illegal Hug Market
Fri Jan 12 02:19:28 +0000 2018
Dr. Jephremiah Blutkampf's First Foray into Historical Fiction Given "Five Out of Five REDACTEDs" by New York Times
Thu Jan 11 18:50:11 +0000 2018
LITERATURE: This Brilliant, Disturbing Speculative Novel Posits A World Like Ours — But Where the First Compact of… https://t.co/KnreeHtOdt
Thu Jan 11 18:32:36 +0000 2018
WEIRD & WACKY: Four Times the Golden Globe Award Was Accidentally Awarded to a Giant, Man-Eating Tarantula
Thu Jan 11 18:14:26 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Most Popular Baby & Clone Names Of 2017! We Bet You Didn't Know [REDACTED] Made The List—Find Out Wh… https://t.co/kXSBiZ4Tzf — @NorWesternCrow
Thu Jan 11 18:09:39 +0000 2018
We Interview Wandering Shrapnel Merchants in the Ruins of New York on the Best Ways to Avoid Culling by the Nameles… https://t.co/QlkRrSbexc
Thu Jan 11 18:06:21 +0000 2018
We Interview Wandering Shrapnel Merchants in the Ruins of New York on the Best Ways to Avoid Culling by the Nameles… https://t.co/QlkRrSbexc
Thu Jan 11 18:06:21 +0000 2018
UPDATE: Approached After Leaving White House, Malgaron the False Vehemently Denies "Ridiculous Rumors"
Thu Jan 11 08:13:26 +0000 2018
As Sanders Rots from Within, Trump Reportedly in Talks With Malgaron the False, Prince of Deceit, For Press Secretary Position
Thu Jan 11 06:10:40 +0000 2018
WORD OF THE DAY: https://t.co/xDO4e5zN1Y
Wed Jan 10 23:17:07 +0000 2018
Florida Man Doxxed by Ancient Prophecy
Wed Jan 10 22:12:14 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: https://t.co/AXyXOXG6fL — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Jan 10 22:09:30 +0000 2018
"Some of Them Might Be On, Like, Drugs:" Nervously Adjusting Earbuds, Local Communist Crosses Street to Avoid Homeless Person
Wed Jan 10 19:33:09 +0000 2018
Local Communist Has Elaborate Justifications for Refusal to Interact With Those Living in Poverty: Film at 11
Wed Jan 10 19:19:47 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Fake crosswords are a carcinogen though, so... just be careful, ya know? — @solotheloso
Wed Jan 10 17:43:50 +0000 2018
NEW STUDY: https://t.co/URPMmCqBJj
Wed Jan 10 17:42:47 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 NEW MEMORY STUDY: https://t.co/3wTZRTXsxH — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Jan 10 09:22:23 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Sessions's Statement Draws Cumdemnation From Erotican Amb-Assador: "Hummer-Buggery Is a Proud Erotican Tradicktion" — @chas_lovett
Wed Jan 10 09:22:06 +0000 2018
FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS When the Canticle of the Faceless Bowman is Recited by One Marked of the Dusk in the Canyon o… https://t.co/Heg2L8ab6o
Wed Jan 10 09:19:59 +0000 2018
In Faintly Hysterical Rant, Attorney General Sessions Accuses 47 Senators of "Humbuggery," Demands Punishment "In A… https://t.co/lh3ssTk8LG
Wed Jan 10 09:17:50 +0000 2018
LETTER TO THE EDITOR: I Don't Know What I Did, Or How Many I Killed, But I Am So Terribly Sorry
Tue Jan 09 23:34:08 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Why are my feet melting, and why does everything taste like fear — @NorWesternCrow
Tue Jan 09 22:36:15 +0000 2018
CAUGHT ON TAPE: This Child Was Created by Government Scientists in a Secret Lab — What He Does When He Sees Sunligh… https://t.co/i7lvC8HSkw
Tue Jan 09 22:09:13 +0000 2018
@listelian @ApprovedNews6 Right? Just because I have an infectious fruiting body sprouting from my skull doesn't me… https://t.co/4ZUZqTegeW — @MonsieurLongIII
Tue Jan 09 20:40:46 +0000 2018
@MonsieurLongIII @ApprovedNews6 Oh good, I'm sorry for misreading your earlier comment. I just get so tired of peo… https://t.co/s79DmCIoeF — @listelian
Tue Jan 09 20:40:37 +0000 2018
@listelian @ApprovedNews6 JOIN US IN MYCELIAL ENLIGHTENMENT — @MonsieurLongIII
Tue Jan 09 20:40:35 +0000 2018
@MonsieurLongIII @ApprovedNews6 I don't exclude archfungi or thralls thereof from my social circles, and I think my… https://t.co/iASOfbbk6G — @listelian
Tue Jan 09 20:40:27 +0000 2018
cc @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/wwuAQKlCju — @zombiecalypse
Tue Jan 09 20:38:46 +0000 2018
@velartrill more @ApprovedNews6 leaking into reality https://t.co/ZX5j24mmlO — @NorWesternCrow
Tue Jan 09 20:36:35 +0000 2018
WORD OF THE DAY: https://t.co/6QdGm2hhkn
Tue Jan 09 08:56:18 +0000 2018
Analysts: "You Are Gonna Hate This"
Tue Jan 09 06:16:35 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 #3 is especially funto try with that one friend who just can’t seem to let go of their tired memes! refreshing! — @atax1a
Tue Jan 09 05:44:20 +0000 2018
@listelian @ApprovedNews6 By “dear friends”, you mean “fellow thralls of the Great Archfungus”, right? — @MonsieurLongIII
Tue Jan 09 03:30:21 +0000 2018
Typical cisheteronormative bullshit that these are always phrased in terms of "families". My network of dear frien… https://t.co/YEQjKNEQSP — @listelian
Tue Jan 09 03:18:49 +0000 2018
RELATED: President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Faces Rising Cliticism for "Hateful" Refugee Cristits Rhetordick
Tue Jan 09 00:12:49 +0000 2018
Sex Islands Pervolutionaries Call on Clitizens of Erotican Repubic to "Attain Ass Cuntsciousness," "Come Together in Revolubetionary Spirit"
Tue Jan 09 00:07:30 +0000 2018
4 Fun Family Activities You Can Do With The Indestructible Sphere That Appeared On Your Doorstep This Morning & Swallows All Light
Mon Jan 08 19:49:38 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 Erotican Repubic Begets Experimental Sexchequer Position https://t.co/s0Vdzn8VIf — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Jan 08 19:47:14 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 At the same time, Nameless Corp necrobarristers sue for the right to "repossess" the dead. When qu… https://t.co/IK8fyjTwg3 — @notthategg
Mon Jan 08 19:20:47 +0000 2018
Paul Ryan "Rushed to Emergency Room" After Being "Pummeled by Sledgehogs"
Mon Jan 08 18:41:24 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 There was no fourth compact and you KNOW IT! Fake news! — @insomniacity
Mon Jan 08 18:17:43 +0000 2018
WEIRD & WACKY: Slaver-Queen on the Undaunted Plains Marches on Midwest With Her Sycophantic Legions
Mon Jan 08 11:37:24 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 In other news, "Shooting First" an Approved News 6 exclusive on surviving to report from outside the New York Ruins — @axdeath
Mon Jan 08 05:38:08 +0000 2018
Bone Oracles on Whispering Woods: "The Forest-Heart Has Begun to Beat"
Mon Jan 08 03:19:23 +0000 2018
"They're Building a God in There:" Fatally Wounded Whistleblower Escapes Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York,… https://t.co/z30Gdll1Dz
Mon Jan 08 03:18:42 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: You're ok, you're ok, don't tell Mom — @mikedoherty_ca
Mon Jan 08 02:45:13 +0000 2018
Experts: "Ow"
Sun Jan 07 23:30:53 +0000 2018
7 Signs the Prince of Mold Has Come to Claim You (As Foredestined in Ancient Times by the Fourth Compact of the Congress-to-Come)
Sun Jan 07 22:27:39 +0000 2018
@Zaikarion @ApprovedNews6 @bofh453 𒈾𒀜𒁀𒄷?! In this economy? — @TopherGrey
Sun Jan 07 08:07:56 +0000 2018
New Study: You Will Beg for the Torment to Cease
Sun Jan 07 07:17:54 +0000 2018
Concerned Parents Blame Catastrophic Tornado on "Hoodlums & Miscreants"
Sun Jan 07 06:56:50 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 @bofh453 1. 𒂁𒃻𒋫𒆸𒄷𒄭𒄿 2. 𒋛𒁰𒈦 3. 𒈾𒀜𒁀𒄷 4. 𒅗𒅗𒋛𒂵𒌵𒆠 — @Zaikarion
Sun Jan 07 06:11:54 +0000 2018
LIFESTYLE: 4 Fun Lifehacks You Can Do With Just A Vial of Blood, A Pair of Antlers, A Carving Knife, & A Few Simple Phrases in Akkadian
Sun Jan 07 00:20:40 +0000 2018
Florida Man Likes Own Tweet
Sat Jan 06 22:50:16 +0000 2018
Trump Vows Crackdown on Gender Trafficking
Sat Jan 06 22:30:37 +0000 2018
illegal ghost alert — @illegalgt
Sat Jan 06 21:00:47 +0000 2018
7 Reasons We've Chemically Conditioned this Ostrich to Kill — Are You #4?
Sat Jan 06 20:58:34 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 "Centipedes," -Alt Think Tank Dissents — @whatafungame
Sat Jan 06 18:13:02 +0000 2018
"Spiders," Experts Agree
Sat Jan 06 17:59:59 +0000 2018
INTERNATIONAL: Sarin Ass Attack Linked to Cunter-Revolubetionary Forces in the Sex Islands
Sat Jan 06 04:09:41 +0000 2018
CAUGHT ON TAPE: Silent Duke of the Silken Glade Beheads He-Who-Sups-On-Madness at the Unending Hour of the Dread Boar
Fri Jan 05 20:50:32 +0000 2018
Man Gored by Cop Turns to Dark Magic for Vengeance — What Happens Next Will Warm Your Heart — @ApprovedNews6
Fri Jan 05 18:36:28 +0000 2018
Is It Unethical to Sacrifice the Dead? We Ask a Panel of Ethicists, Tonight at the Flaying Hour — Only on Approved News 6! — @ApprovedNews6
Fri Jan 05 18:36:08 +0000 2018
In "Biting Satire" of Neo-Nazi Movement, Liberal Comedian Massacres Thousands of Non-White "Degenerates," Declares… https://t.co/OQraAZoOYX — @ApprovedNews6
Fri Jan 05 18:36:01 +0000 2018
@dan_yurkovic @ApprovedNews6 Artisanal fascism — @bat_scholar
Fri Jan 05 18:32:40 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 It's ironic, you see — @dan_yurkovic
Fri Jan 05 18:32:38 +0000 2018
'Mysterious void' halts train services in Cumbria https://t.co/88Gqw4IGqj — @guardian
Fri Jan 05 18:28:19 +0000 2018
In "Biting Satire" of Neo-Nazi Movement, Liberal Comedian Massacres Thousands of Non-White "Degenerates," Declares… https://t.co/OQraAZoOYX
Fri Jan 05 12:20:21 +0000 2018
Is It Unethical to Sacrifice the Dead? We Ask a Panel of Ethicists, Tonight at the Flaying Hour — Only on Approved News 6!
Fri Jan 05 11:54:48 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/oeQebbmdE7 — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Jan 05 02:47:27 +0000 2018
"If You Even Look At A Heroin You Will Die:" Concerned Parents Launch New Anti-Drug Campaign
Fri Jan 05 02:46:37 +0000 2018
Trump Blames "Pot Fiends," "LSD Addicts" for Rising Crime Rates
Fri Jan 05 02:44:59 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 I know this makes a nice feel-good headline, but unless this is actually funded for once it won't do… https://t.co/mI0P0n6XVS — @listelian
Thu Jan 04 21:39:09 +0000 2018
Department of Blood, Sex, and Death Orders All Citizens Found Wearing "Boyfriend Jeans" in a Public Place "Thrown M… https://t.co/tTRJabYqa2
Thu Jan 04 20:59:50 +0000 2018
Ah. @ApprovedNews6 I think this one is yours. https://t.co/9FnTVgIXLo — @GeorgeWHerbert
Wed Jan 03 18:25:00 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 League of Cardiopyromancers: “Wasn’t us.” — @DarrylDaugherty
Wed Jan 03 18:24:48 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 No, really it raised the ambient temperature in a 100km radius — @AndrewNCassidy
Tue Jan 02 23:37:57 +0000 2018
Man Gored by Cop Turns to Dark Magic for Vengeance — What Happens Next Will Warm Your Heart
Tue Jan 02 21:08:07 +0000 2018
dude never recovered from selling that peanut farm https://t.co/P74lIDaZeD — @coconono
Tue Jan 02 18:38:16 +0000 2018
Jimmy Carter, Clad in Rotting Animal Skins and Weighed Down by Uncountable Amulets, Warns that "Thousands" of Souls… https://t.co/PLJ9gljh09
Tue Jan 02 18:01:10 +0000 2018
Who We Killed This Holiday Season
Tue Jan 02 09:48:49 +0000 2018
Shaking Up Washington: Donald Trump Just Appointed A Cloaked Man As Secretary Of The Hook https://t.co/grdbkUeJzN https://t.co/RHJErv76u4 — @ClickHole
Tue Jan 02 04:31:27 +0000 2018
@ApprovedNews6 MAriE hArE StATE dePT SPOKESpersoN https://t.co/LHjCr6ZSrb — @mcclure111
Sun Dec 31 18:59:29 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 PHOTO GALLERY: New National Flag Raised In Solemn Ceremony [Age Verification Required To View] — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Dec 30 19:06:57 +0000 2017
"The Workers Are All Being Loud And Ethnic:" Trump Interview on White House Repairs Disintegrates Into Televised Sobbing Fit
Wed Dec 27 23:14:39 +0000 2017
7 Creative Ways to Best Your Rival With Apps
Tue Dec 26 17:37:55 +0000 2017
FELLATED: Pervolutionaries in Neighboring Sex Islands Seize Fapital, Dicklare "People's Re-pube-lick"
Tue Dec 26 17:08:42 +0000 2017
A Developing Demcockracy Suffers as Erotican Repubic Cuntinues to be Plagued by Fake Nudes
Tue Dec 26 16:59:38 +0000 2017
"Not in the Spirit of Christmas at All:" Heroic Arch-General Horace the Undying Resurrects, Criticizes Trump for "Self-Centered" Message
Tue Dec 26 15:24:32 +0000 2017
President Donald Trump's First Year in Jail — @HeadlineSmasher
Tue Dec 26 15:21:11 +0000 2017
Newslord 7 Issues Urgent Statement https://t.co/EyunRE7VQM
Tue Dec 26 01:35:02 +0000 2017
Hundreds of Citizens Join Impromptu Parade as White House Returned to D.C, All Wearing Home-Made Blindfolds & Hummi… https://t.co/Mu8GpLo3pm
Tue Dec 26 01:08:12 +0000 2017
Mexican Immigration Officials Turn White House Over to FBI Custody
Tue Dec 26 01:07:28 +0000 2017
Interrogated by Federales, Lutwidge Admits to Stealing White House in Split Second Before Arch-General Horace the U… https://t.co/aQgwCqWDq8
Tue Dec 26 01:03:42 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Infamous Thief Annabelle Lutwidge Captured Attempting to Smuggle Seemingly Undamaged White House Across Mexican Border
Tue Dec 26 01:00:19 +0000 2017
I'm Charles J. Bloodhorn, and I believe that if we just work together, we can accomplish anything. -CJB — @ApprovedNews5
Tue Dec 26 00:54:01 +0000 2017
To those of you who will benefit from these new scholarships, let me just say I hope I one day have the opportunity… https://t.co/3DPucTwtWA — @ApprovedNews5
Tue Dec 26 00:53:56 +0000 2017
It is my hope — and it was my dear friend Horace's hope as well — that this foundation will encourage young men, wo… https://t.co/RxgYlSN3Ek — @ApprovedNews5
Tue Dec 26 00:53:51 +0000 2017
This foundation, funded both by my on modest fortune and the sizable sum willed to it by the late Arch-General will… https://t.co/Oo4OlHJHlT — @ApprovedNews5
Tue Dec 26 00:53:45 +0000 2017
The Arch-General was known worldwide for his formidable military skills, but his humanitarian genius has long been… https://t.co/etCY4HbqGQ — @ApprovedNews5
Tue Dec 26 00:53:41 +0000 2017
I was privileged in my life to consider the late Arch-General a personal friend. I will never forget the long night… https://t.co/LH98ObaUmt — @ApprovedNews5
Tue Dec 26 00:53:36 +0000 2017
Tonight we've lost a truly great man. A man whose life was defined by bravery and self-sacrifice, by dedication to… https://t.co/dy75sZifWc — @ApprovedNews5
Tue Dec 26 00:53:31 +0000 2017
Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities Issues Statement https://t.co/asgEvP01jF
Tue Dec 26 00:51:48 +0000 2017
Speaking To Press, Still Visibly Coated in Foul Orange Sludge, Trump Claims Credit for "Christmas Miracle," Final Defeat of Santa Claus
Tue Dec 26 00:13:01 +0000 2017
UPDATE: After Much Thrashing, White House Spokesman Transforms Bodily into President Trump, Seemingly Uninjured Des… https://t.co/VZHfPdr3kj
Tue Dec 26 00:11:04 +0000 2017
Press Conference Outside Ruins of White House Interrupted as Loathesome Orange Sludge Seeps From Sewer Grates to Smother Spokesman
Tue Dec 26 00:09:54 +0000 2017
"His Heroic Sacrifice Has Finally Bought Mankind Victory in the Desperate Thousand-Year War on Christmas:" Joint Ch… https://t.co/Crcj9chcLn
Tue Dec 26 00:07:30 +0000 2017
Trump Nowhere to be Found After Nuclear Detonation Obliterates White House — Men in Red Armani Suits, Presumed Repr… https://t.co/viFjboIF1O
Mon Dec 25 23:59:52 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Arch-General Horace the Undying Heroically Sacrifices Self by Leaping Into Santa's Gaping Maw, Detonating Tactical Nuclear Weapon
Mon Dec 25 23:58:09 +0000 2017
Wielding Twice-Blessed, Thrice-Cursed Tactical Nuclear Warhead, Arch-General Horace Assails Santa Claus as Men in R… https://t.co/1Ep61n8zK7
Mon Dec 25 23:56:01 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Arch-General Horace the Undying Arrives at White House, Flanked by Dozens of Men in Red Armani Suits
Mon Dec 25 23:55:04 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Non-Approved News Sources Should Not be Spoken of in the Presence of Lesser Mammals, Weak-Minded Children https://t.co/vFGGEse9e0
Mon Dec 25 23:54:34 +0000 2017
Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities Issues "Blistering Condemnation" of Santa's Attempt to Rebuild North Pole in Nation's Capital
Mon Dec 25 23:45:33 +0000 2017
Grainy Footage From White House Security Cameras Confirms Afflicted Guests "Almost Fully Transformed" into Santa's Little Helpers
Mon Dec 25 23:39:58 +0000 2017
Earth's Magnetic Field Begins Suddenly to Shift, North Pole Moving at Hundreds of Miles Per Hour Towards Washington, D.C.
Mon Dec 25 23:39:12 +0000 2017
Screaming Dinner Guests Fall to Knees, Bodies Warping Grotesquely, Ears Elongating as Santa's Hundreds of Eyes Begin to Glow
Mon Dec 25 23:35:48 +0000 2017
Trump, Backed Into Corner & Howling With Inhuman Rage, Doubles in Size, Renews Struggle Against Santa Claus
Mon Dec 25 23:33:53 +0000 2017
Celebratory Jewelry Made From Ruins of North Pole Begins to Extrude Red & Green Tendrils Into Bodies of Hapless Guests
Mon Dec 25 23:32:53 +0000 2017
Joint Christmas Defense Force Orders Nuclear Weapons Worldwide Prepared for Launch
Mon Dec 25 23:30:23 +0000 2017
D.C. Evacuated as Ionizing Radiation RIses Towards Lethal Levels
Mon Dec 25 23:28:36 +0000 2017
Trapped in White House, Trump Engages Lurching Remains of Santa Claus in One-on-One Combat, Wieldling Femurs Torn f… https://t.co/efAorZMy8l
Mon Dec 25 23:27:57 +0000 2017
Reached for Comment, Retired Arch-General Horace the Undying Announces Immediate Re-Establishment of Joint Christma… https://t.co/xYgwndlWGB
Mon Dec 25 23:24:30 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Unidentified Entity Breaches White House; Surviving Secret Service Officers Report Hearing Low, Strangled U… https://t.co/RSzZdXAhYE
Mon Dec 25 23:22:11 +0000 2017
Unidentified Entity Begins Lumbering Towards White House, Dark, Acidic Substance Oozing from Lacerations Along Its… https://t.co/lhfbCPzUtK
Mon Dec 25 23:19:03 +0000 2017
Oversized, Gasping, Mangled Figure of What Might Once Have Been Humanoid Staggers from River, Clawing its Way onto Bank
Mon Dec 25 23:16:37 +0000 2017
Spike in REDACTED Levels Detected in Potomac as Waters Begin to Churn
Mon Dec 25 23:14:26 +0000 2017
"Nothing Is Wrong," "Everything's Fine, Guys," "Would You Quit That Already:" Trump Attempts to Force Box of Magic… https://t.co/sqFqRjPtiV
Mon Dec 25 23:08:46 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment on "Unprecedented" Behavior by Box of Magic Teeth, Horrified Bone Oracles Cut Out Own Tongues,… https://t.co/UNZNTcAPoG
Mon Dec 25 22:57:17 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Box of Magic Teeth Passed Down from President to President Since Time Immemorial Begins to Levitate, Buzz
Mon Dec 25 22:55:47 +0000 2017
Democrats Slam Trump's "Pathetic Opportunism:" End of Christmas "Accidental Consequence" of the Late Gov. Pence's S… https://t.co/0bpQyG4V9M
Mon Dec 25 22:54:50 +0000 2017
"America is Safe from the Yuletide Menace Forever:" Trump Hands Out Highly Irradiated Celebratory Jewelry Commissio… https://t.co/8einrNrJBC
Mon Dec 25 22:51:30 +0000 2017
Trump Holds Lavish Party Commemorating His 2016 Defeat of Santa Claus
Mon Dec 25 22:44:21 +0000 2017
"Never Before Have We Faced Such a Potent Ideological Threat to Our Earthly Hegemony," All Members of Ruling Class… https://t.co/cZp9i1W3sb
Mon Dec 25 20:28:20 +0000 2017
BREAKING: DSA Invents Socialism
Mon Dec 25 20:26:02 +0000 2017
@contingencymsgs Alerting @ApprovedNews6 CASE RAINBOW BANGSTICK — @GeorgeWHerbert
Mon Dec 25 18:24:11 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Yeah, yeah, it sounds all fancy but I bet this is just another one of those "replace your incandesce… https://t.co/TX2LBSJzM8 — @EugeneIpavec
Sun Dec 24 16:27:57 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Bronzer copays waived; breast implants mandatory with all outpatient procedures; heavily subsidized… https://t.co/uLYa8DwVB6 — @EugeneIpavec
Sun Dec 24 11:34:15 +0000 2017
How We're Going to Make You Long for the Dying of the Light Eternal
Sun Dec 24 08:16:24 +0000 2017
DEA to Crack Down on Tylenol
Sat Dec 23 02:36:09 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: That Claim Does Not Stand Up To Rudimentary Scrutiny (See Appendix 4c) - by Timmy Johnson, age 8, ph.d. — @TBSkyen
Sat Dec 23 02:20:30 +0000 2017
OPINION: "Manxiety" is Destroying America
Sat Dec 23 02:20:12 +0000 2017
OPINION: Kids These Days Aren't Gullible Enough
Sat Dec 23 02:02:03 +0000 2017
Reporting like this disgusts me. Gravity isn't something we can "run out of", and acting like it is just advances t… https://t.co/6QlmMsgHkm — @listelian
Sat Dec 23 01:15:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Embrace the future and one another. Hold each other still for the harvest. — @popolopof
Fri Dec 22 22:05:31 +0000 2017
Trump, Pressed on Resignation of His Most Trusted Adviser, Stares Silently at Reporters, Pupils Slowly Contracting… https://t.co/txQwNOrjjh
Fri Dec 22 21:01:29 +0000 2017
Magic Snake Resigns From Trump Administration Post, Announces Forthcoming Tell-All Book
Fri Dec 22 20:59:08 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Florida Man Conquers Mars; Routed, Nazi Martians Flee Solar System
Fri Dec 22 20:57:22 +0000 2017
Trump Vows to Crack Down on Illicit Production, Sale of Nebraska Terror Serum
Fri Dec 22 20:55:26 +0000 2017
Deleted User 704 Makes Shocking Claims Regarding Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York, "The Symbiote"
Fri Dec 22 20:50:28 +0000 2017
How the Illegal Hug Trade is Decimating America's Schools
Fri Dec 22 20:49:22 +0000 2017
i'm also nearly out of food benefits for the next few weeks. so if any of you have even a few dollars to spare for… https://t.co/ajIIzChf2X — @velartrill
Fri Dec 22 20:43:07 +0000 2017
hey all. i really hate asking for help like this but @ApprovedNews6 isn't bringing in enough money and i'm heading… https://t.co/dfB8wHYoPT — @velartrill
Fri Dec 22 20:43:04 +0000 2017
In Cuntroversial Move, Erotican Repubic Bans Skimport of Prodickts Cumtaining High Fucktose Porn Syrup, Citing "Harmful Effuckts" on Health
Fri Dec 22 20:36:55 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OP-ED: Millennials Are Killing the Gravity Industry — @joe_no_privacy
Fri Dec 22 20:24:58 +0000 2017
OPINION: Why I Promised my Firstborn to the Russians in Exchange for the Power of Prophecy
Fri Dec 22 20:24:53 +0000 2017
Are We Running Out of Gravity?
Fri Dec 22 20:24:07 +0000 2017
How the End of Gnat Neutrality Could Affect the Great Devouring Swarm
Fri Dec 22 18:55:41 +0000 2017
FDA Bans Coca-Cholera From Stores as Death Toll Rises
Fri Dec 22 01:52:26 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Hundreds of "GRUESOME BADGER"-Tier Patrons Downgraded to Tier "LAMBENT MINSTREL"; Death Toll Described as "Horrific"
Thu Dec 21 22:42:46 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Oh, uh... — @WingerB17
Thu Dec 21 21:33:12 +0000 2017
SPECIAL REPORT: A Look Ahead at America's Arachno-Authoritarian Future, as Foretold in the Prophecy of the Great Cockroach
Thu Dec 21 10:08:54 +0000 2017
Fortunately, I’m close enough to being a millennial that I can pass as one. HELLO FELLOW MILLENNIALS. I DO NOT ACTU… https://t.co/vdPx9xwyUi — @jurijuri
Thu Dec 21 09:52:36 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Newslords Place Reporter in Comically Oversized Burlap Sack, Flee Scene https://t.co/BPR1antBGO
Thu Dec 21 06:59:55 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: This is what grandpa always says when we leave him in the nursing home — @ikirker
Thu Dec 21 01:18:29 +0000 2017
OPINION: Millennials Are Killing Me; They Have Manifested a Life-Draining Aura & With It Are Fueling Their Unnatura… https://t.co/kP82iGDGti
Thu Dec 21 01:16:17 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Experts Howl With Laughter
Wed Dec 20 22:15:13 +0000 2017
EXPOSÉ: How Government Sex Facilities Are Changing Under Trump
Wed Dec 20 20:47:55 +0000 2017
OPINION: https://t.co/EKm2F5Lmck
Wed Dec 20 18:03:09 +0000 2017
Uh Oh
Wed Dec 20 17:12:49 +0000 2017
Google: Top Queries for December 2017 "Endogenous Methamphetamine," "How Can It See Me Without Any Eyes," & "Words Teenagers Can't Hear"
Wed Dec 20 05:09:46 +0000 2017
cc @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/lR9DSczTuQ — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Dec 20 03:26:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Field agents encourage the public to contact a professional HazMagic team if they suspect usage. Local demonologists warn of concurrent use of Angel Dust and advise use of protective blasphemies. — @DungeonFacts
Tue Dec 19 22:19:57 +0000 2017
Cursed Fairy Meth is "Ravaging" the South, Say Hex Enforcement Agency Officials
Tue Dec 19 22:09:08 +0000 2017
A water fountain at the EPA backed up and started spewing sewage into the hallway https://t.co/ct1LtxAO2M https://t.co/WdZVVlNt5O — @RobertMaguire_
Tue Dec 19 20:09:07 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Whatever. — @neil_pettifer
Tue Dec 19 16:31:23 +0000 2017
Forbidden Lands Shadow Council Responds by Demolishing Ancient Temple to Reveal Detailed Inscriptions of Lyrics to Band's Next Album Engraved in Foundation
Tue Dec 19 10:34:10 +0000 2017
Thoughtpunk Band "Astral Impaction" Cancels Planned Forbidden Lands Tour, Citing "Prophecy"
Tue Dec 19 09:56:00 +0000 2017
@xmakina @ApprovedNews6 @Alecto101 UPDATE: Take Increasingly, Swelteringly Hot — @massedriver
Tue Dec 19 09:45:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 @Alecto101 HOT TAKE: This is Fine Actually — @xmakina
Tue Dec 19 09:31:43 +0000 2017
Experts: "Welp"
Tue Dec 19 05:58:26 +0000 2017
REMINDER: "LAMBENT MINSTREL"-Tier Patrons Should Wear Loose Clothing And Carry Photo ID At All Times
Tue Dec 19 03:23:13 +0000 2017
HOT OR NOT: Is It Time For Men to Stop Flaunting Their "Bropinions"? Find Out What Women Think of This Wacky New Trend, Tonight at 11!
Tue Dec 19 03:20:23 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I could be wrong though, it might be more than that. — @NorWesternCrow
Tue Dec 19 03:08:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 To be on the safe side, I'm assuming it's all of them — @NorWesternCrow
Tue Dec 19 03:07:58 +0000 2017
Trump Flees White House Due to Unspecified "Sin"
Tue Dec 19 02:55:57 +0000 2017
REMINDER: "LAMBENT MINSTREL"-Tier Patrons Are Considered "Excess Biomass" by the Nameless Corporation in the Ruins of New York
Tue Dec 19 02:23:22 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Listen, after they gutted the HOLLOW-EYED OPOSSUM-tier patron perks, I'll take my chances — @Loganchance
Tue Dec 19 02:21:51 +0000 2017
Experts Recommend "Transparency," "Policy of Noninterference" With "Legitimate Journalistic Enterprise" https://t.co/4hs2GHjdLR
Tue Dec 19 02:19:13 +0000 2017
REMINDER: "LAMBENT MINSTREL"-Tier Patrons May Be Subject to "Extraordinary Rendition" by "The Department" at "Any Time"
Tue Dec 19 02:10:17 +0000 2017
WARNING: "GRUESOME BADGER"-Tier Patrons Who Do Not Recite the Wailing Hymn Of the Sunken Prince at the Appointed Hour May Be Downgraded to Tier "LAMBENT MINSTREL" Without Further Notice
Tue Dec 19 00:14:16 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Jesus Fucking Christ — @TBSkyen
Mon Dec 18 23:48:06 +0000 2017
OPINION: What the Fuck
Mon Dec 18 22:57:00 +0000 2017
Pro-Levitation Activists Organize Washington "Hover-In" to Protest S.B. 1770
Mon Dec 18 22:21:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 SMH, essentially all of the earthquakes that punish us for trying to escape the earth's grasp are from air and space travel, not hobbyists floating a couple feet off the ground. — @TrivialGravitas
Mon Dec 18 04:52:40 +0000 2017
Senate Approves Bill Enacting "Harsh Penalties" for "the Sin of Levitation"
Sun Dec 17 23:16:30 +0000 2017
Why the Methuselan Terrorbird is Our Pick for REDACTED in 2018
Sun Dec 17 22:22:32 +0000 2017
Researchers Develop Memetically Administered Antibiotic
Sun Dec 17 03:15:12 +0000 2017
JOB OPENING: Victim — Unpaid Internship; No Application Necessary
Sat Dec 16 22:34:20 +0000 2017
JOB OPENING: Reporter — Salary $15 per Pulitzer Prize; Must Be Cunning & Resourceful, Certified Uncontaminated
Sat Dec 16 22:33:25 +0000 2017
JOB OPENING: Shrieker-upon-Belfries — Unpaid Internship; Voice Must Set Mortal Men A-Trembling; Fluency in Proto-Sumerian a Plus
Sat Dec 16 22:31:43 +0000 2017
Newslords: Arachnoturges Urged to Apply for Positions in Marketing https://t.co/CNqP3t7544
Sat Dec 16 22:24:43 +0000 2017
JOB OPENING: Slave Driver — Salary 7 Healthy Workers per Year; Must Be Certified Uncontaminated, Bring Own Whip
Sat Dec 16 22:23:54 +0000 2017
JOB OPENING: Copyeditor — Salary 600 Obols per Fortnight; Must Be Skilled in Arachnomancy, Use of Heavy Weapons; Humans Preferred
Sat Dec 16 22:22:09 +0000 2017
READ NOW: 7 Fun Ways to Subvert the Eternal Edict of the Whispering Congregation
Sat Dec 16 22:16:57 +0000 2017
"Submit," Say Sources
Sat Dec 16 22:16:07 +0000 2017
Archaeologists: https://t.co/bmkP7aZTiA
Sat Dec 16 18:50:27 +0000 2017
@martijaxn @ApprovedNews6 Should come to Oregon. The Blood-Soaked Maidens of the Cold Sword are always hiring experienced flensers, regardless of formal education status. Just last week in my shop we [REDACTED] a [REDACTED] on the [REDACTED]. Lots of opportunity, only moderate chance of [REDACTED]. — @chas_lovett
Sat Dec 16 18:45:52 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 i used to be certified on a flensing machine, but once you get your college degree, they don't let you do it anymore... — @martijaxn
Sat Dec 16 11:07:45 +0000 2017
Alabama Continues to Allow Execution by "Blowing from Cannon," "Manual Strangulation," "Spatula," "Flensing Machine," And "GLOWING FORSAKEN RUNE"
Sat Dec 16 08:25:14 +0000 2017
Alabama Department of Justice Discontinues Use of Methaxetal in Lethal Injection After Clinical Trials Reveal High Risk of Hauntings
Sat Dec 16 08:20:39 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Avert Occurrences of Event Golf-17 With This One Weird Trick, Discovered by a Mom — The Sunset Convocation HATES Her!
Sat Dec 16 07:40:58 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Security Experts Devise World's Most Inconvenient Authentication Scheme
Sat Dec 16 07:09:37 +0000 2017
Experts: "I Mean, Ugh," "Like, Okay, Whatever, Be That Way" https://t.co/DO8cb4xvDc
Sat Dec 16 06:45:00 +0000 2017
"Just Saying," Say Experts: "You Could Just Like, Not"
Sat Dec 16 06:06:08 +0000 2017
Experts: "You Know, Maybe Just, Don't"
Sat Dec 16 06:05:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Millennials are Destroying Misery — @tomscud
Fri Dec 15 22:23:08 +0000 2017
omg someone saw my MAT 280 class https://t.co/QyXuuJbMF9 — @jurijuri
Fri Dec 15 22:20:10 +0000 2017
Are the Youth of Today Addicted to Happiness? Find Out the Shocking Truth Tonight, Only on Approved News 6
Fri Dec 15 22:10:10 +0000 2017
CAUGHT ON TAPE: Heartwarming Video Shows Small-Town Sheriff Explaining Game Theory to a Cramped Cage Full of Howler Monkeys
Fri Dec 15 21:12:54 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 #3 will shock you: 1200 V energized privacy ward on her bedroom door. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Fri Dec 15 15:12:27 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Genocide Advocates Should Be Ashamed of Their Irresponsible Attempts to Deplete the Pool of Expendable Laborers That Made Our Nation What It Is Today
Fri Dec 15 07:38:52 +0000 2017
OPINION: Mass Murder and Genocide are Not Only Presidential, But the Greatest of American Virtues
Fri Dec 15 07:36:41 +0000 2017
White House Has Ordered Over 700 "Katanas of Ethnic Cleansing" Since February From Single Mysterious Seller, Says eBay — Should We Be Worried?
Fri Dec 15 06:25:01 +0000 2017
Anthony Weiner Cries Because There's No Evidence Russians Changed "Any Votes" — @HeadlineSmasher
Thu Dec 14 23:11:42 +0000 2017
Warlocks Anonymous: "No Such Thing" as "Responsible Use" of Dark Magic; Harm Reduction Efforts "Misguided" https://t.co/BsO63fsukT
Thu Dec 14 23:03:30 +0000 2017
Is Your Teenage Daughter Abusing Dark Magic? Five Signs You Should Be Worried For Your Family's Flesh Purity
Thu Dec 14 22:58:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 And I am glad to take it. We have to stay informed. We have to stay informed. We h — @LOSTRAD1O
Thu Dec 14 22:57:24 +0000 2017
Experts Dismissively Recommend "CNN" https://t.co/PVuZSgdkbd
Thu Dec 14 22:57:16 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Joke's on you, I got my news vaccine just last week. — @solotheloso
Thu Dec 14 22:53:15 +0000 2017
TONIGHT: We Bring You The News No One Else Can, The News No One Else Will, The News That Would Bring Lesser Agencies To Their Knees, The News That Cuts, The News That Tears, The News That Burrows Deep In Your Supple Flesh & Makes Its Hive Within You
Thu Dec 14 22:52:07 +0000 2017
EXCLUSIVE: Available Soon for "GRUESOME BADGER"-Tier Subscribers: Shocking Transcript of Internal Twitter Meeting Leaked by Whistleblower
Thu Dec 14 22:50:19 +0000 2017
Enterprising Student Seeks to Crowd-Fund School Shooting
Thu Dec 14 03:55:07 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: The Newslord's Hunger Cannot Be Sated, Only Appeased Temporarily — @almafeta
Wed Dec 13 23:56:38 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Support Approved News Sources & Help the Eternal Council of Newslords Pay Its Starving Flocks of Hollow-Eyed Interns https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Wed Dec 13 23:47:38 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Letter To The Editor: https://t.co/Ma11FNuJKa — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Dec 13 22:05:39 +0000 2017
How Evil Cubes Are Changing the Paradigm
Wed Dec 13 20:56:18 +0000 2017
Ants Collecting DNA, Biometrics From Millions in Xinjiang: Report — @hail_ants_bot
Wed Dec 13 17:47:19 +0000 2017
Rumored Sighting of "Discontinued Item #4" in Ruins of New York Dismissed by Acting Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Mervin Moongristle
Wed Dec 13 16:34:23 +0000 2017
REMINDER: @ApprovedNews5 Is No Longer Approved, And Should Not Be Mentioned Aloud in the Presence of Easily Corruptible Insects https://t.co/Ew7U5HSfem
Wed Dec 13 07:17:12 +0000 2017
BREAKING: https://t.co/L3shzh8d0g
Wed Dec 13 07:12:08 +0000 2017
@monosynth @ApprovedNews6 I pulled this image up on my phone and my dog started growling at me, that's normal right — @tuxedo_and_sass
Wed Dec 13 07:02:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/mHmp18NoWS — @monosynth
Wed Dec 13 06:42:16 +0000 2017
7 Reasons You're Going to Regret It
Wed Dec 13 06:41:27 +0000 2017
7 Reasons You Shouldn't Have Done That
Wed Dec 13 06:40:17 +0000 2017
How We're Going to Make You Pay
Wed Dec 13 06:39:39 +0000 2017
OPINION: A Curfew is Not Enough — It's Time for San Francisco Needs to Crack Down on the Hooligan Class
Wed Dec 13 04:47:56 +0000 2017
ALABAMA UPSET: Pedophilia Advocate Roy Moore Loses Election Bid, Is Dragged Screaming Into Mirror by Baleful Shadow Tendrils, Never to Be Seen Again
Wed Dec 13 03:41:02 +0000 2017
"A Shocking Affinititty Crime:" Ass-ociation of Eroto-American Bitsness Owners Repudiates Actions of Human Traffdickers
Wed Dec 13 01:34:37 +0000 2017
Cumdreds of American Skimport/Sexport Businesses Found to be Traffdicking Refugees from the Erotican Repubic
Wed Dec 13 01:15:48 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I didn't mean to imply clones aren't real people. Clones deserve to be recognized as our gastronomic equals. — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Dec 13 01:11:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I #StandWithKelloggs—it's time we recognize clones are just as delicious and nutritious as real people. — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Dec 13 01:11:07 +0000 2017
"I Think We Can Work With That Which Bestrode The Newborn Earth," "What's It Matter If A Few Mortals Go Extinct?" Trump Expresses "Deep Respect" for Anti-Human Protesters
Tue Dec 12 22:58:20 +0000 2017
That Which Bestrode The Newborn Earth Marches on Washington to Demand Extinction of Human Race, Return of "Our Ancient Dominion"
Tue Dec 12 22:56:18 +0000 2017
Activists Decry President's "Hypocrisy" on Clone Rights, Noting Executive Branch Under Trump Employs More Hitler Clones Than Any Previous Administration
Tue Dec 12 22:53:54 +0000 2017
Pressed on Clone Rights, Trump Opens Hundreds of Beady Red Eyes Across His Body, Emits Low Gurgle
Tue Dec 12 22:51:39 +0000 2017
"#StandWithKelloggs" Hashtag Begins Trending on Twitter As Clones Nationwide Speak Out Against FDA Ruling
Tue Dec 12 22:49:09 +0000 2017
Kellogg's Slams FDA Ruling: "The Notion That Clones Are Not Real People is a Hateful Relic of This Country's Bigoted Past"
Tue Dec 12 22:47:00 +0000 2017
FDA Fines Kellogg's for Falsely Promoting Kids' Breakfast Cereals as "Made With Real Kids"
Tue Dec 12 22:45:21 +0000 2017
@ireneista @ApprovedNews6 despair will never be discontinued — @Xhumed
Tue Dec 12 04:47:24 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 also hugely appreciate those of you who've stuck with me despite patreon's idiotic and self-serving fee changes. unfortunately i have no real alternative to it right now. https://t.co/76qHXTXxht — @velartrill
Tue Dec 12 04:40:25 +0000 2017
hi @approvednews6 supporters. i have no idea when or if i'm going to get back to a regular publishing schedule. my life is busy imploding so an6 is gonna be on the back burner for a while. as always, thank you for your generous donations; they're the reason i'm still alive. — @velartrill
Tue Dec 12 04:36:03 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Oooh! Ooh! We have a guess Is discontinued item #7 despair? — @ireneista
Tue Dec 12 02:36:49 +0000 2017
Reporters, Pressing for Details, Seized by Nameless Corporation's Clanking, White-Eyed Drones, Violently Implanted with "The Symbiote"
Tue Dec 12 01:22:07 +0000 2017
Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York Reports Technical, Ontological Challenges in Attempts to Take Up Manufacture of Discontinued Item #7
Tue Dec 12 01:21:19 +0000 2017
Study: https://t.co/mCEcHmNJnM
Tue Dec 12 01:12:09 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Wail in Time to the Growing Whispers; Give Your Mind to That Which Lurks Behind the Fractures; Submit to Transcension & Be Glorified https://t.co/XYXO7Fh4FI
Mon Dec 11 20:05:07 +0000 2017
"Believe Us, We Tried," Say Experts: "To Say the Result Was Racially Offensive Would Be the Understatement of the Week"
Mon Dec 11 19:57:51 +0000 2017
Experts: Citizens "Absolutely Should Not Under Any Circumstances" Reinterpret Stock Graphs From Affected Period as Audio Waveforms And Play Them Backwards At High Volume in the Presence of a Properly Consecrated Hawkblood Charm
Mon Dec 11 19:55:04 +0000 2017
Citing THE INCIDENT, Experts Urge Citizens Not to Attempt Decoding Forbidden Information Encoded in Stock Fluctuations Over the Period of January 2016 to June 2017
Mon Dec 11 19:49:10 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Massive International Conspiracy Uncovered to Encode Forbidden Information in Stock Price Fluctuations
Mon Dec 11 19:43:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Inexpensive Cursed Fairy Meth Often Contains Over 50% Common Goblin Bones — @drockney
Mon Dec 11 01:50:22 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Get Ahead in the Workplace With Cursed Fairy Meth — Only $50 A Gram!
Mon Dec 11 01:32:47 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I'm glad to see there's at least one entity on Earth that still has public speaking skills! — @joe_no_privacy
Sun Dec 10 23:43:02 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 AGAIN??? — @NorWesternCrow
Sun Dec 10 23:42:53 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I suppose it takes courage to embrace progress. — @King_Of_Flesh
Sun Dec 10 22:21:07 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Spokesdrone Emits Steady Tone at Inaudible Frequency That Nonetheless Provokes Instinctual Panic & Terror Among All Present
Sun Dec 10 22:15:50 +0000 2017
Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York "Ramping Up" Symbiote Implantations, Say Frightened Locals
Sun Dec 10 22:15:18 +0000 2017
CAUGHT ON TAPE: Grainy Bystander Footage Appears to Show Trump, Clad in Bloodstained, Ill-Fitting Suit, Digging Hole After Hole in White House Lawn With Bare Hands Shortly After Midnight, Periodically Howling
Sun Dec 10 22:08:50 +0000 2017
Paul Ryan, Labeled "Bacteriological Calamity" by World Health Organization, Could Soon Be Declared a Superfund Site
Sun Dec 10 22:06:30 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Typical big-government bloat and redundancy. Why do we need waste *and* feculence? One or the other would be fine. — @EugeneIpavec
Sun Dec 10 18:06:57 +0000 2017
Hag-Whale of the Bottomless Trench Dismisses Rumors of Secret Meeting with the Fairy Queen: "She Does Not Exist"
Sun Dec 10 09:27:17 +0000 2017
Trump Vows to Suffocate All the Earth Beneath Ten Miles of Waste & Feculence
Sun Dec 10 09:26:19 +0000 2017
What Happens Next Will Shock You
Sun Dec 10 09:19:17 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Greenhouse Energy Engineering Coalition promising greater demonstration at Noon Sunday. Giant mirror arrays already being adjusted across southwest. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Sat Dec 09 20:55:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 personally, I think the in-series record is more impressive, despite the lower numbers (387, the entire senior class of Benjamin Franklin High School, Baton Rouge). So hard to overcome the low conductivity of flesh! — @Chirurgic
Sat Dec 09 20:42:34 +0000 2017
Activists Slam SFME's "Wasteful Publicity Stunt," Claiming Power Needed to Electrocute 8,000 Americans Simultaneously Could Power Average Home for Weeks
Sat Dec 09 20:40:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Fun fact: last week's test run entirely exhausted the Southeast's supply of death row inmates. Careful around those outlets, everyone! — @Chirurgic
Sat Dec 09 20:37:51 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Counterpoint: Agreed — @srsos
Sat Dec 09 20:37:47 +0000 2017
Guinness Book of World Records Reports Current Record Set Last Year by Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York, Which Electrocuted 7,926 Decommissioned Workers in Parallel
Sat Dec 09 20:37:35 +0000 2017
TONIGHT: South Florida Municipal Energy Inc. To Attempt Breaking Record for Largest Number of People Simultaneously Electrocuted
Sat Dec 09 20:34:50 +0000 2017
Experts: It Will Not Be Mentioned Again https://t.co/m2KtKl9xS7
Sat Dec 09 20:11:26 +0000 2017
Study: Leading Causes of Death in America "Menthol Overdose," "Flensing Sickness," "The INCIDENT"
Sat Dec 09 18:21:10 +0000 2017
New App Seeks to Disrupt the Slavery Industry by Crowdsourcing Human Trafficking
Sat Dec 09 17:11:22 +0000 2017
YouTube Wants to Tax Robots and Their Husbands — @HeadlineSmasher
Sat Dec 09 16:35:26 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Pundits: “Told you so” — @DarrylDaugherty
Sat Dec 09 16:29:17 +0000 2017
Experts: "Oh No," "Not Again"
Sat Dec 09 09:53:22 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I mean... ...I like the tanginess! I feel like it's essential to flavor! And besides, do you want your kids eating CORN? Pff. — @solotheloso
Sat Dec 09 03:16:09 +0000 2017
Why It's Time to Get That Which Burns The Seas Out of Children's Breakfast Cereals
Sat Dec 09 03:12:51 +0000 2017
Florida Man Convicted of Soul Fraud
Sat Dec 09 02:46:02 +0000 2017
Human Corpses "No Longer Biodegradable," Scientists Warn
Sat Dec 09 02:26:28 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Millions Die Pointlessly
Sat Dec 09 00:49:22 +0000 2017
SOCIETY: She Who Wears Ten Thousand Crowns Besieges the Port of Forsaken Dreams to Spite the King Who Was, the King Who Is, & the King Who Shall Forever Be
Fri Dec 08 22:57:54 +0000 2017
“The stars are in alignment. The littlest spark is all it will take to start fires in new places,” a CalFire official just told me. #ThomasFire — @lizziejohnsonnn
Thu Dec 07 23:53:35 +0000 2017
7 Reasons God Has Abandoned You
Thu Dec 07 19:41:18 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Experts Wade Silently Away Into the Sea, Disappear Beneath the Waves, Never to be Seen Again
Thu Dec 07 09:47:08 +0000 2017
"It's Just Not Worth It," Say Experts
Thu Dec 07 09:44:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Number 5 is the number 5. — @NorWesternCrow
Thu Dec 07 08:00:35 +0000 2017
Scientists Disprove Family
Thu Dec 07 07:58:33 +0000 2017
7 Assumptions We Should Not Have Made
Thu Dec 07 07:57:51 +0000 2017
7 Mistakes We Made
Thu Dec 07 07:57:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I hope one of them was interpretive dance. She's remarkably limber for her age! — @levinthauer
Thu Dec 07 07:57:11 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Keep them — @vaporwavewitch
Thu Dec 07 01:39:27 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Eh, do what you want, uncle Richard is a dick — @_dangerousbeans
Thu Dec 07 01:39:19 +0000 2017
7 Ways Your Aunt Patricia Begged Us For Mercy
Thu Dec 07 01:19:02 +0000 2017
@zacaj_ @ApprovedNews6 4 Calls You Dread — @NorWesternCrow
Thu Dec 07 01:18:33 +0000 2017
7 Things We Will Not Hesitate To Do To Your Beloved Father If You Do Not Cooperate, Claire
Thu Dec 07 00:35:55 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 6 Places To Deposit The Unmarked Bills — @zacaj_
Thu Dec 07 00:34:54 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Number 6 will shock you. — @algo_anthill
Thu Dec 07 00:33:30 +0000 2017
7 Things You Must Do If You Ever Want to See Your Dear Uncle Richard Again
Thu Dec 07 00:33:25 +0000 2017
7 Hostages We've Taken
Thu Dec 07 00:32:50 +0000 2017
@emilyatheris @ApprovedNews6 The Department of Fund is having a fun crisis. — @algo_anthill
Wed Dec 06 05:59:03 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 too bad theyre not the department of fund — @emilyatheris
Wed Dec 06 05:49:35 +0000 2017
Department of Fun Faces Funding Crisis
Wed Dec 06 04:40:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Socks and Bots are People, Too. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Wed Dec 06 02:46:47 +0000 2017
Facing Hostage Crisis in the Forbidden Lands, Senate Passes Bill Making it Illegal to Lie About How Many Twitter Followers You Have
Wed Dec 06 00:22:05 +0000 2017
Why We're Psyched for the Next Sunset Convocation
Tue Dec 05 18:56:26 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Number 5 Will Find You In Your Sleep — @almafeta
Tue Dec 05 18:34:19 +0000 2017
7 Signs They're Coming For You
Tue Dec 05 18:31:39 +0000 2017
…FINALLY SOME GOOD NEWS…REQUIRED…EXTREME INTERROGATION METHODS BUT…VERONA GROUP OBSERVERS…BEGINNING TO EXTRACT USABLE INTEL… — @substation77
Mon Dec 04 18:28:33 +0000 2017
Newslord 7 Issues Urgent Press Release https://t.co/NfbcrSyNrB
Mon Dec 04 18:22:16 +0000 2017
DIY: Hack Your Soul, With Vitamins!
Mon Dec 04 09:07:35 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Karl Rove appears on Fox News Sunday in his true aspect; there is no longer any reason to hide https://t.co/yN9LwCOFqh — @mcclure111
Mon Dec 04 04:04:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Until Flesh Puppeting Powers Are Classified By The Office for the Classification of Psychic Phenomena, My Client Cannot Be Charged In Connection With The Tragic Deaths of All Employees of the Office for the Classification of Psychic Phenomena — @ikirker
Sun Dec 03 09:34:39 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/WTqteHnzTG — @foxacheUK
Sun Dec 03 00:20:53 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 *bumper sticker reads: Keep Polling, I'm Reloading* — @TimProbable
Sun Dec 03 00:19:38 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Not enough. — @viscous24601
Sat Dec 02 23:27:53 +0000 2017
Why We're Hyped for the Return of That Which Lurks Within
Sat Dec 02 23:07:18 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents Warn Children as Young as 14 "Replacing Their Brains" With "Forbidden Orbs"
Sat Dec 02 23:02:36 +0000 2017
OPINION: How Many Have You Killed?
Sat Dec 02 22:53:52 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Lose Weight Fast With Flesh-Eating Weasels!
Sat Dec 02 22:45:00 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Sex launches all-out epistemological attack on concept of "Researchers", Details at 11. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Sat Dec 02 08:33:25 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 CORRECTION: Erotican Repubic in Danger of Scatological Prolapse — @chas_lovett
Sat Dec 02 08:33:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Erotican Repubic in Danger of Ontological Collapse — @chas_lovett
Sat Dec 02 08:33:16 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Certainly none of them have ever gotten any, the nerds. — @flare_director
Sat Dec 02 08:33:14 +0000 2017
Researchers Disprove Sex
Sat Dec 02 08:25:50 +0000 2017
Senators Refuse to Reveal Result of Vote; All Official Records Found Obscured by Bloodstains or Violently Scratched Out
Sat Dec 02 07:41:05 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Senate Has Voted on Tax Bill, Say Sources
Sat Dec 02 07:40:27 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Supreme Anarch of the Lawless Plains Deposed in Bloodless Coup by Passive Resistance Brigades
Sat Dec 02 03:24:55 +0000 2017
Reporters Stricken Blind After Attempting to Read Text of Mysterious Tax Bill With Opera Glasses From Senate Gallery
Sat Dec 02 03:21:34 +0000 2017
Tax Bill: Senator Paul Ryan, Clad in Silk Summoning Vestments, Enchanted Hat, Unrolls Lengthy Scroll Before Senate
Sat Dec 02 03:19:57 +0000 2017
High on Menthol, Florida Man Invents New Sin
Sat Dec 02 02:50:28 +0000 2017
@joe_no_privacy @ApprovedNews6 They’re usually considered infotox/infohazard, which is only a distinction in the legal sense. — @hellerbee
Sat Dec 02 01:48:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 does there exist an ad that is not a cognitohazard? I'm skeptical — @joe_no_privacy
Fri Dec 01 23:17:42 +0000 2017
Newslord 7 Issues Statement https://t.co/6ZMtdsx1Yj
Fri Dec 01 22:13:26 +0000 2017
"Avaunt, Wretched Incubus:" Senator Refuses to Respond to Allegations of Tricky Witchcraft
Fri Dec 01 22:07:18 +0000 2017
Spotify Defends Decision to Allow Auditory Cognitohazards to Run as Ads, Citing the Great Connecticut Aberration
Fri Dec 01 21:42:34 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Reporter abuse still remains on the books as a felony in three states... Not that it ever gets charged anymore. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Fri Dec 01 20:58:22 +0000 2017
Pressed for Response, Trump Gnashes Teeth Mightily, Opens Up Own Skull to Show Reporters What Lies Within, Causing All Present to Black Out
Fri Dec 01 20:41:37 +0000 2017
"That Thing in Him is Not a Brain:" Reached for Comment, Tiny Man in Huge Hat Disputes Trump's Account
Fri Dec 01 20:39:34 +0000 2017
Trump: "I Have Been Brainhacked by a Tiny Man in a Huge Hat"
Fri Dec 01 20:05:36 +0000 2017
Experts: "You Have No Idea How Much This Is Going To Hurt"
Thu Nov 30 18:10:25 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 "anything to get him out of here, really" — @Chirurgic
Thu Nov 30 18:08:59 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Exalted Architect of the Beneficent Manifold Inscribes Seven Terrible Glyphs, Whispers the Defiler-Word of the Howling Canyon
Thu Nov 30 18:08:41 +0000 2017
Eminent Matriarch of the Effulgent Lattice Voices Support for Florida Man's Endeavor
Thu Nov 30 18:05:58 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Florida is so goofy. To think he could Transcend without even tossing aside his mortal gender is ludicrous! — @JennaStewart42
Thu Nov 30 18:02:32 +0000 2017
Somehow, this involves being naked in Wal-Mart at 3am with a raccoon... https://t.co/iL2Sbts5h1 — @orzelc
Thu Nov 30 18:02:27 +0000 2017
Florida Man Seeks to Ascend the Beneficent Manifold, Attain Transcendence
Thu Nov 30 17:34:59 +0000 2017
Experts: "Bask in Thine Withering Ascendency"
Thu Nov 30 07:11:00 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Savaged Colon frontman Bled Profusely may open some dates with his new group Evulsed Material. — @DarrylDaugherty
Thu Nov 30 06:29:51 +0000 2017
@baconshire @ApprovedNews6 SMDH does no one pay attention in civics anymore — @Chirurgic
Thu Nov 30 06:29:45 +0000 2017
BREAKING: "Crown of Roaches," "Vomit Patrol" Announce Plans to Tour Together in 2018
Thu Nov 30 05:33:10 +0000 2017
1 Reason You Were Wrong
Wed Nov 29 21:51:33 +0000 2017
1 Reason You Were Wrong
Wed Nov 29 21:51:33 +0000 2017
4 Reasons You Thought We Were Finally Finished With You
Wed Nov 29 21:51:09 +0000 2017
7 Reasons We Won't Let You Die — Not Just Yet
Wed Nov 29 21:46:45 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: It Could Not Be Otherwise
Wed Nov 29 20:40:54 +0000 2017
OPINION: Everything is Exactly As It Should Be
Wed Nov 29 20:40:04 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: I Didn't See You Complaining When the Master of the Occluded Crescent Publicly Impregnated the Virgin Queen of the Sundered Bank
Wed Nov 29 18:46:39 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Architect of the Beneficent Manifold Needs to Stop Flaunting Her Sexuality
Wed Nov 29 18:45:44 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 READER LETTER: She Who Throttles The Dawn has a point here. Matriarch of the ELD has demonstrated extreme carelessness with her entire sheaf of universes and risks changing the dimensional parameter to a fractional Hausdorff-Besicovitch dimension. — @particle_p
Wed Nov 29 18:07:42 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Those Who Donate $7 Each Month Will Attain Access to Monthly Digests, Ability to Commune With Lesser Rodents https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Wed Nov 29 17:54:06 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Those Who Donate $4 Each Month Will Attain Access to Full Articles, Immunity to Minor Hexes https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Wed Nov 29 17:53:17 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Help Us Pay Our Starving & Doomed Reporters https://t.co/jGZo7r9oQN
Wed Nov 29 17:45:16 +0000 2017
Candlelight Vigil for State of Vermont to be Held Friday
Wed Nov 29 17:42:35 +0000 2017
Matriarch of the Effulgent Lattice Dismisses She Who Throttles the Dawn's Comments, Citing Marriage to Architect of the Beneficent Manifold as "Conflict of Interest"
Wed Nov 29 17:41:33 +0000 2017
She Who Throttles the Dawn Characterizes Matriarch of the Effulgent Lattice's Rebuttal as "Profoundly Ignorant" of "Basic Cosmology, Ontology"
Wed Nov 29 17:40:43 +0000 2017
Matriarch of the Effulgent Lattice Dismisses She Who Throttles the Dawn's Criticisms, Noting State of Vermont "Continues to Exist" in Some Abstract Sense
Wed Nov 29 17:39:30 +0000 2017
She Who Throttles The Dawn Issues "Blistering" Statement to Press, Condemning Matriarch of the Effulgent Lattice's "Destruction" of Entire American State
Wed Nov 29 17:37:56 +0000 2017
Matriarch of the Effulgent Lattice Causally Severs Vermont After Loss to Architect of the Beneficent Manifold in Tuesday Night Debate
Wed Nov 29 17:35:01 +0000 2017
White House: "The Bronze Doorknob Affair Did Not Happen & Is Not To Be Spoken Of Again"
Wed Nov 29 17:33:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Ha! The Architect only embarrasses themselves by showing up to debate! The Ineffable Light will bathe the Founder in glory! Go Lats! — @SlickVaguely
Tue Nov 28 21:51:33 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The debate rules forbid interrupting, the use of props, and the creation of transcendent singularities. — @icambron
Tue Nov 28 21:51:17 +0000 2017
There's a pipe spewing tons of blood into a channel off British Columbia https://t.co/IuDVZvo1aO https://t.co/SF0OHfu8Ri — @motherboard
Tue Nov 28 21:11:05 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Subscribe Now for Access to Full Articles, Protection from News Hounds — Only $4/Month! https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Tue Nov 28 21:10:14 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | RUSH TRANSCRIPT: Charles J. Bloodhorn's statement to the press | AVAILABLE NOW TO "GRUESOME BADGER"-TIER SUBSCRIBERS https://t.co/XkK09CDGbX https://t.co/x9YcX52On1
Tue Nov 28 21:07:04 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: https://t.co/xe0gWAdcTy
Tue Nov 28 20:45:15 +0000 2017
EXCLUSIVE: Approved News 6 to Host Debate Between Architect of the Beneficent Manifold, Founder of the Effulgent Lattice
Tue Nov 28 20:44:11 +0000 2017
What the Great Contusion Means for the Sisterhood of the Dancing Blades
Tue Nov 28 20:31:56 +0000 2017
Scuzzpunk Band "Prince of the Lepers" Holds Benefit Concert to "Unclog the Sun" Through "Feasting," "Slicing"
Mon Nov 27 17:43:55 +0000 2017
I Just Started Praying: Terrified Passenger Captures Moment Flames Surge Out of Trump's Mouth — @HeadlineSmasher
Mon Nov 27 12:34:53 +0000 2017
"This Is Not As The Prophecy Foretold," Whisper Reporters, Tears of Awe & Terror Dripping Slowly From Eyes: "It Cannot Be"
Sat Nov 25 19:40:09 +0000 2017
Bloodhorn International Charities Denies Rumors of Ballot-Stuffing, Unveils Ancient Oaken Tablet Whose Single Baleful Rune Petrifies All Who Gaze Upon It https://t.co/B91mQn7LdY
Sat Nov 25 19:38:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 If it can be jeopardised it's a poor excuse for a prophecy imho — @formercrsc
Sat Nov 25 02:51:43 +0000 2017
INTERNATIONAL: Seven-Mouthed Prince of the Festering Fief & His Bloodless Armada Becalmed Upon the Sea of Ever-Sorrow, Jeopardizing Prophecy of the Feathered Rat
Sat Nov 25 02:49:38 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: https://t.co/7fz2XmOhEn
Sat Nov 25 02:32:53 +0000 2017
@formercrsc @ApprovedNews6 Information Visualization Experts: Pie Charts 'Dangerous', Over 100 Times More Potent Than Bar Charts — @joe_no_privacy
Thu Nov 23 20:25:26 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 SOAPBOX: Why Are Public Schools Exposing Our Young Children To Pie Graphs? — @formercrsc
Thu Nov 23 20:25:21 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents: Disrespectful Teens Getting High on Infographics
Thu Nov 23 10:07:38 +0000 2017
On dealing with a police interrogation: https://t.co/wbP2p4mOJO — @Esquiring
Wed Nov 22 00:50:47 +0000 2017
Experts: "Oh My God, Will You Stop Talking," "That's Enough," "I Said, That's Enough"
Tue Nov 21 20:49:03 +0000 2017
"Shut the Fuck Up," Say Experts: "Just… Just Shut the Fuck Up Already"
Tue Nov 21 20:47:42 +0000 2017
Newslords Issue Apology for Low Volume of News, Citing Death Threats, Drug Deal Gone Bad, & Prolonged Flight from Justice
Tue Nov 21 17:54:59 +0000 2017
"Nearly All" Modern Technology, Infrastructure Based on Refined Dystopium, Experts Warn: "Vast Majority" Sourced from Lawless Plains
Tue Nov 21 07:11:04 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Pacifist Militants Seize Dystopium Mines in Mineral-Rich Anarchate of the Lawless Plains, Threatening Worldwide Supply
Tue Nov 21 07:08:37 +0000 2017
OVERT DEMONIC ACTIVITY COMING, WARNS 'SPIRITUAL WARFARE' EXPERT... — @DRUDGE_REPORT
Mon Nov 20 22:56:19 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 They haven't had the same sound since their Colonoscopade tour. — @almafeta
Mon Nov 20 10:18:58 +0000 2017
Shamepunk Band "Fecal Impaction" Starts Off New Tour in the Massachusetts Terrorzone
Mon Nov 20 05:51:21 +0000 2017
Experts: https://t.co/osd32n8pKK
Sun Nov 19 20:12:54 +0000 2017
Denver's St. Edna International Replaces "Long-Outdated" Departure Screens With Immovable Stone Plinth, Engraved With Jagged, Hateful Glyphs
Sun Nov 19 11:46:22 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Running is good for your morale and cardio health, neither of which will matter much longer but it's fun to watch. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Sun Nov 19 00:09:14 +0000 2017
Experts: Nothing Can Help Now https://t.co/DF0rROR9gg
Sat Nov 18 22:12:11 +0000 2017
OPINION: It's Too Late to Run
Sat Nov 18 22:10:18 +0000 2017
You Need To Scream Now
Sat Nov 18 22:09:02 +0000 2017
@levinthauer @ApprovedNews6 The real Russians are the friends you make along the way. — @tomscud
Sat Nov 18 03:54:00 +0000 2017
@tomscud @ApprovedNews6 Plot twist: we were the Russians all along. — @levinthauer
Sat Nov 18 03:53:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Counterpoint: Russia Never Existed — @tomscud
Sat Nov 18 02:06:51 +0000 2017
SCANDAL: Russia Continues to Exist
Sat Nov 18 02:01:19 +0000 2017
Unpimpressed by Trump's Tweets, Erotican Pervolutionaries Vow to Build Nude State Astride the Sex Islands, Bring "Peeps & Just Tits" to All
Thu Nov 16 23:40:15 +0000 2017
Phallarmed by Reperts Out of Erotican Repubic, Trump Threatens Use of "Nuclear Bums" to Quell Leftits Insertency
Thu Nov 16 23:26:37 +0000 2017
Members of Leftits Orgasmizations in the Erotican Repubic Call for "Cumrades of the Pervolution" to Unite Against "The Fapitalist Menses"
Thu Nov 16 23:04:41 +0000 2017
Twitter Defends Decision Not to Use Turn Signal — @HeadlineSmasher
Thu Nov 16 22:14:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 REPORT: Colonel Pax, Commander of the Uzbek Pacifism Front, Vows Peace and Harmony, Orders Tank Battalion To Border — @icambron
Thu Nov 16 15:32:31 +0000 2017
ANALYSIS: Why Arachnarchism Will Matter in 2018
Thu Nov 16 11:49:53 +0000 2017
WILDLIFE: Rare Triple-Snouted Cops Seen Patrolling D.C.
Thu Nov 16 06:04:51 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Supreme Anarch Orders Journalists Beheaded in Self-Defense
Wed Nov 15 23:35:02 +0000 2017
INTERNATIONAL: Supreme Anarch of the Lawless Plains Dispatches Non-Coercion Squads to Liberate Uzbekistan From Pacifist Militants
Wed Nov 15 23:16:45 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 BREAKING: Scientists Discover the Least Horny Form of Sex, and You'll Never Guess What It Is! — @joe_no_privacy
Wed Nov 15 19:16:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Re-butt-al from Amb-ass-ador of Erotica Re-Pubic: Sexi Is Not Horny Enough — @surly_squirrel
Wed Nov 15 04:30:26 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Horns Are Too Sexy — @whatafungame
Wed Nov 15 04:30:09 +0000 2017
OPINION: Sex Is Too Horny
Wed Nov 15 04:23:19 +0000 2017
SOCIAL: Slave-King of the Dungeonwoods Holds Daughter's Debut at the Charles J. Bloodhorn Memorial Ballroom in the Ruins of New York
Tue Nov 14 23:37:24 +0000 2017
As Global Biomass Shortage Worsens, Appalachian Bloedvarks Migrate East
Tue Nov 14 04:36:03 +0000 2017
This Thrice-Cursed Obelisk of Solid Bone is Sure to Offend Liberals
Mon Nov 13 21:01:46 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The Cut of The Infinite Realms is de rigueur if summoning That Which Rends By Silence. — @DarrylDaugherty
Mon Nov 13 11:00:35 +0000 2017
4 Beloved Game Consoles from Your Childhood That We're Going to Destroy With Acid
Mon Nov 13 04:24:02 +0000 2017
7 Beautiful Incisions You Will Find On Your Body When You Wake Suddenly At Midnight Tonight
Mon Nov 13 04:20:36 +0000 2017
Die Friedhöfe in Deutschland haben ein Problem mit nicht verwesten Leichen. https://t.co/oL9QUm4ziT — @DLFNachrichten
Sun Nov 12 20:35:11 +0000 2017
ANALYSIS: Never Enough Blood
Sat Nov 11 23:18:10 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Not Enough Blood
Sat Nov 11 23:17:56 +0000 2017
OPINION: Too Much Blood
Sat Nov 11 23:17:47 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The fact this can be offered at low cost just shows how badly third world human flesh suppliers are being paid. — @TrivialGravitas
Sat Nov 11 22:44:14 +0000 2017
Trump in Hot Water After Placing Responsibility for 200█ Syracuse Incident on "Stone Hoarders"
Sat Nov 11 22:31:11 +0000 2017
Chicago Paindrome Faces Funding Crisis
Sat Nov 11 22:26:53 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Author Jedidiah Witherspoon Manifests as Enormous Thunderhead, Burns "Most Terrible Sigil" into Chests of All Reporters Present With A Single Contemptuous Thought
Sat Nov 11 22:23:46 +0000 2017
Penguin Publishing to Release Low-Cost "Heritage Editions" of "Kneel Before the Terrorthrone" & Other Popular Children's Books Printed in the Ichor of He-Who-Swallows-the-Night & Bound in Human Flesh
Sat Nov 11 22:18:10 +0000 2017
TONIGHT: What We're Summoning in the Citadel of the Lurking Queen, And What It Means for Your Lawn Care
Sat Nov 11 22:09:22 +0000 2017
Fixes, improvements & Known issues in Donald Trump Build 17035 — @TwoHeadlines
Sat Nov 11 07:50:08 +0000 2017
Are Today's Teens Getting High on Grief? The Answer Will Shock You!
Sat Nov 11 05:30:43 +0000 2017
Mt. Everest Is Not Evil, Scientist Insists — @HeadlineSmasher
Fri Nov 10 17:20:05 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Holes Must Broaden To Accomodate The Greater And Lesser Orbs. — @DarrylDaugherty
Fri Nov 10 06:54:05 +0000 2017
Pence, Bannon, Robertson Stump in Alabama to Boost Your Sperm Count — @HeadlineSmasher
Fri Nov 10 06:11:15 +0000 2017
The President has arrived in Da Nang to be eaten by hundreds of thousands of angry ghosts — @substitute
Fri Nov 10 05:51:41 +0000 2017
Sources: At Time of Suspension, Our Father Who Art in Heaven Had Accrued $7 in Monthly Pledges
Fri Nov 10 05:11:47 +0000 2017
God's Patreon Profile Suspended Due to "Inappropriate Content"
Fri Nov 10 04:52:57 +0000 2017
The Holes Are Getting Bigger
Thu Nov 09 21:28:44 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I thought for sure "Wailing-Bones Fever home remedy" would have been there — @FXSPeteMurray
Thu Nov 09 20:56:37 +0000 2017
Google: Top Queries for October "Manliest Punctuation," "Holes in the Sky," "Signs of the Fifth Great Curse," "Beginner Incantations"
Thu Nov 09 20:25:23 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/KIO5uyoVWn — @chas_lovett
Wed Nov 08 06:48:51 +0000 2017
Florida Man Logs Off
Wed Nov 08 06:46:44 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Thanks for looking out for us! This explains the 8 hours of Nosferatu hallucinations. — @substitute
Tue Nov 07 20:49:06 +0000 2017
DEA Warns Nearly Two Thirds of All Illicit "Nebraska Terror Serum" Seized in United States Actually "Carpathian Horror Serum"
Tue Nov 07 20:45:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 PHLEGM.....BLOOD.....PHLOOD. The Newslords portend a great phlood! I've seen the signs; the end is nigh! — @flare_director
Tue Nov 07 18:15:39 +0000 2017
We Apologize for the Error
Tue Nov 07 18:09:19 +0000 2017
Newslords: "Typo" Led to Publication Last Night of Incoherent Tweet Consisting Only of Word "BLOOD"; Tweet Should Obviously Read "PHLEGM"
Tue Nov 07 18:08:19 +0000 2017
Intern Discovered Misusing Official Twitter Channel, Sentenced to Death by Slow Slicing
Tue Nov 07 14:49:09 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I don't want to brag, but my toddler doesn't need video instruction. She's already killing of her own volition, and at a 4th grade level. — @tweetsthecreeps
Tue Nov 07 14:41:27 +0000 2017
BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD BL
Tue Nov 07 07:21:28 +0000 2017
You'll Never Believe What's in the Gently Ticking Box on Your Front Porch
Tue Nov 07 06:31:05 +0000 2017
Here's How Krasmotharsk the Nether-Wyrm Plans to Disrupt the Cruise Industry
Tue Nov 07 05:57:12 +0000 2017
7 Depths of Physical Suffering You Never Imagined the Human Body Could Reach
Tue Nov 07 05:53:28 +0000 2017
7 Means Justified by the Ends
Tue Nov 07 05:50:25 +0000 2017
7 Reasons You're Only Making It Harder On Yourself
Tue Nov 07 05:50:11 +0000 2017
7 Ways You Will Serve Our Media Empire
Tue Nov 07 05:48:43 +0000 2017
7 Ways You Will Submit
Tue Nov 07 05:48:14 +0000 2017
7 Secrets You Will Inevitably Surrender
Tue Nov 07 05:48:00 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Number Six: We'll Shock You! — @joe_no_privacy
Tue Nov 07 05:47:38 +0000 2017
7 Peals of Laughter You Will Hear In Response to Your Agonized Cries
Tue Nov 07 05:43:41 +0000 2017
7 Ways You Will Beg For Mercy
Tue Nov 07 05:42:46 +0000 2017
7 Ways We Will Break You
Tue Nov 07 05:41:36 +0000 2017
Analysts: "We Never Thought It Would End Like This"
Tue Nov 07 05:28:15 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Truthers: “They planned it all along.” — @DarrylDaugherty
Tue Nov 07 05:27:58 +0000 2017
"We Still Love You," Whisper Sources Quietly, Tears Dripping Down Their Cheeks
Tue Nov 07 05:27:54 +0000 2017
"Oh God, We're So Sorry," Sources Continue: "Please, Don't Go, We Made A Mistake, Please Let Us Make It Right"
Tue Nov 07 05:26:46 +0000 2017
"We Really Didn't Mean It," Say Sources: "It Was Never Supposed to Go Down This Way"
Tue Nov 07 05:25:52 +0000 2017
Sources: "We're So Sorry"
Tue Nov 07 05:25:13 +0000 2017
Scientists Develop Antidote to Big Data
Tue Nov 07 02:15:13 +0000 2017
Department of Justice Files Lawsuit to Reverse the Arrow of Time
Mon Nov 06 22:31:13 +0000 2017
Albanian Bonelord Donjeta the Despoiler Takes Athens
Mon Nov 06 22:22:51 +0000 2017
Train Your Toddler to Kill on Command With This Adorable New Video Series
Mon Nov 06 20:17:29 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Experts: You Could Already Be Dead Right Now, Trapped in an Endless Purgatory From Which There Can Be No Escape — @joe_no_privacy
Mon Nov 06 01:56:46 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 That's complete bu — @solotheloso
Mon Nov 06 01:10:42 +0000 2017
You Could Simply Drop Dead With No Warning at Any Moment, Experts Warn
Mon Nov 06 01:07:56 +0000 2017
Ghosts Call for Protest in Ruins of New York After Approval of "Draconian" Haunting Laws
Mon Nov 06 01:01:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 A twitter moment https://t.co/jT7X8fFo6v — @mcclure111
Sun Nov 05 22:34:56 +0000 2017
OPINION: Unknown Incident 364 is Good for Bitcoin
Sun Nov 05 21:27:47 +0000 2017
MONTHLY DIGEST: OCTOBER 2017 | NOW AVAILABLE TO "UNCONQUERED SURICATE"-TIER SUBSCRIBERS https://t.co/CRI77zZMHn https://t.co/xj1GxZdMnF — @ApprovedNews6
Sun Nov 05 06:07:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Not true. I had brunch with her last Thursday. So tired of your antifae bias. — @digitaldraco
Sat Nov 04 23:36:41 +0000 2017
Fairy Queen Could Not Be Reached for Comment, As She Does Not Exist
Sat Nov 04 23:29:25 +0000 2017
"That's Very Cute," "Somebody Give Him a Cookie," Says Wise Witch of the Whispering Woods
Sat Nov 04 23:27:50 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Bone Sorceress Supreme Xylinda Overblight Unable to Repress Hysterical Giggles
Sat Nov 04 23:27:26 +0000 2017
Thaumaturgical Community "In Stitches" Over "Men's Rights Activist"'s Attempt to Become First "Bone Sorcerer Supreme"
Sat Nov 04 23:26:52 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Screw the Infested. Smart people, bone cultists and other go-getters in the know are pandering to the Infestation! — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Nov 04 07:38:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The brushwork around the eyes is a dead giveaway, as is the gaping soul-void — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Nov 04 07:37:39 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Hmmm. Now that you mention it, the last few birthday cards I sent *were* rife with doctrinal errors... — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Nov 04 07:37:32 +0000 2017
MONTHLY DIGEST: OCTOBER 2017 | NOW AVAILABLE TO "UNCONQUERED SURICATE"-TIER SUBSCRIBERS https://t.co/CRI77zZMHn https://t.co/xj1GxZdMnF
Sat Nov 04 07:35:43 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: The Infested's money is as good as anyone else's, say numerous Bone Priests. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Sat Nov 04 00:32:32 +0000 2017
Why is it pandering when it's directed at marginalized people but not when it's directed at white people, men, or bone sorceresses supreme. https://t.co/ysLtxvYFx8 — @listelian
Sat Nov 04 00:32:26 +0000 2017
OPINION: It's Time to Stop Pandering to the Infested
Fri Nov 03 23:29:04 +0000 2017
Recovered From Bout of Madness, Newslord 7 Vows October Digest to be Published "Imminently"
Fri Nov 03 22:02:16 +0000 2017
Hallmark CEO Michael Hellwrath Denies Allegations of Bone Heresy
Fri Nov 03 21:49:45 +0000 2017
Paul Manafort, Approached by Press, Immediately Becomes Obscured Behind JPEG Compression Artifacts
Fri Nov 03 19:17:17 +0000 2017
White House Still Pretty Gross — @HeadlineSmasher
Fri Nov 03 07:12:41 +0000 2017
Nine Ways to Belabor a Point
Fri Nov 03 02:23:02 +0000 2017
Eight Ways to Dismember an Interloper
Fri Nov 03 02:22:46 +0000 2017
Seven Ways to REDACTED a Shrieking Shadow Thing
Fri Nov 03 02:22:26 +0000 2017
Six Ways to Boil a Frog
Fri Nov 03 02:22:08 +0000 2017
Four Ways to Cook a Goose
Fri Nov 03 02:21:56 +0000 2017
Three Ways to Skin a Cat
Fri Nov 03 02:20:27 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: We've Lost It All Already — @zacaj_
Fri Nov 03 02:16:24 +0000 2017
OPINION: It's All Got to Go
Fri Nov 03 02:15:29 +0000 2017
7 Signs Your Mom Might Be A Forgery
Fri Nov 03 01:18:55 +0000 2017
Jimmy Carter "Was Never Even Born:" Trump Hits Back
Fri Nov 03 00:49:47 +0000 2017
Former President Jimmy Carter on Trump: "I'm Very Glad He's Dead"
Fri Nov 03 00:49:22 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Scientists discover new hidden chamber in Egypt's Great Pyramid, say its purpose is unknown. — @AP
Thu Nov 02 22:43:39 +0000 2017
"A Cuntry in Crisis:" Anal-ysts "Disturbated" by Resluts of Erotican Repubic's Special Erection, Call for "Deeper Investitgation"
Thu Nov 02 20:55:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 In my day it was two weeks. Wise Council going soft! — @GeorgeWHerbert
Thu Nov 02 06:19:48 +0000 2017
Wise Council of Newslords Order Witless Intern Found Guilty of Misusing Official Twitter Feed Placed in Cramped Gibbet for Week Without Food
Thu Nov 02 04:31:45 +0000 2017
Erotican Repubic to Hold Sexual Erection for Cuntdidates to Riplace Abdickating President-Erect
Thu Nov 02 01:30:34 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Snakes Crawling Out of Your Vagina? Try Our New Ritual Dagger, Bathed in Newborn Blood Beneath a Gibbous Moon!
Wed Nov 01 21:25:48 +0000 2017
"I've Frot About Tits For A Long Tie-m, And I've Maid Up My Mind:" President-Erect of the Erotican Repubic Cumfirms Skintent to Abdickate
Wed Nov 01 21:13:23 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 FOR SALE/OBO: https://t.co/u86ce63Ds1 — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Nov 01 20:16:13 +0000 2017
At last our long national nightmare is over https://t.co/aiBqAZ2eSl — @nosulragal
Wed Nov 01 04:58:09 +0000 2017
SOCIAL: After Thousand-Year Feud, Bone Sorceress Supreme Jaxana Bloodfugue of Missoula Makes Peace With Xylinda Overblight
Wed Nov 01 04:57:43 +0000 2017
Trump Pulls Americunt Amb-ass-ador Out of Erotican Repubic After "Full-Blown Dickplomatic Calamtitty"
Tue Oct 31 22:14:02 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 May soon? May? Take the pill and find out! You’re a journalist, aren’t you? Aren’t you? What are you? — @HarleaghPrime
Tue Oct 31 03:51:45 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Hey, these people should consider themselves lucky that they even GET to take these. I have a friend whose body can't stop making them! — @riking27
Tue Oct 31 01:43:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 thank the orb it was just snakes this time — @NorWesternCrow
Tue Oct 31 01:42:45 +0000 2017
@shurimon @ApprovedNews6 "We are mere emissaries" explain the octopi in unison — @icambron
Tue Oct 31 01:22:49 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Chicago Orb Disgorges Thousands of Snakes
Tue Oct 31 01:02:25 +0000 2017
White House: The Chicago Orb Must Issue a Formal Apology for "The November Incident" or "Steps Will be Taken"
Tue Oct 31 01:02:06 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 BREAKING: https://t.co/L4buZMywzD — @shurimon
Tue Oct 31 00:53:12 +0000 2017
Mild Over-the-Counter Precognitives May Soon Require a Prescription
Mon Oct 30 21:43:24 +0000 2017
Experts Note Prolonged Precognitive Abuse Can Lead to "Delusions of Godhood," "Temporal Derangement Syndrome"
Mon Oct 30 21:42:47 +0000 2017
DEA Advises Doctors to Curtail Prescription of Precognitives
Mon Oct 30 21:41:18 +0000 2017
Congress Afflicted by Vomiting Curse in Disastrous Attempt to Pass Budget Bill
Mon Oct 30 19:17:24 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Exposed Organ Was Prayerful Homage To The Manifold Appendages Of The Nameless One. ACLU Expected To Raise Religious Freedoms Issues. — @DarrylDaugherty
Mon Oct 30 07:23:10 +0000 2017
Senator Arrested After Naked Assault on D.C.'s Circle of Standing Stones Claims Innocence, Blames "The Influence"
Mon Oct 30 07:15:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 which they didn't even use in the final model! You'd think someone would have checked if clones had souls before spending all that money! — @Chirurgic
Mon Oct 30 06:24:44 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 What we should be terrified about is the enormous expense of this boondoggle, both on research, and on the cloning tanks — @Chirurgic
Mon Oct 30 06:24:38 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The cannon has had energy and blood supply problems for years. It can hellfire for maybe a second at most, on a good day — @Chirurgic
Mon Oct 30 06:24:37 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: I've Been Terrified for Years; Why The Hell Would I Stop Now
Mon Oct 30 06:24:26 +0000 2017
OPINION: We Should be Terrified that Donald Trump is In Control of DARPA's Relativistic Blood Cannon
Mon Oct 30 06:17:09 +0000 2017
Seven Things that Have Just Gone Terribly Wrong
Mon Oct 30 03:12:25 +0000 2017
Trump Draws Nutritionists' Ire by Describing the Homeless as "Empty Calories"
Mon Oct 30 00:41:20 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Analysts Shrug
Sun Oct 29 23:20:26 +0000 2017
"I Don't Know What to Tell You, Man," Say Sources
Sun Oct 29 23:20:04 +0000 2017
Experts: Shit Happens
Sun Oct 29 23:10:46 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/IPDo8KxrjO — @mcclure111
Sun Oct 29 22:56:45 +0000 2017
New Study: America's Favorite Pastimes "Mail Fraud," "Childhood Cancer," & "Wistful Thinking"
Sat Oct 28 07:07:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: the Orb of the Unchaste shall not be denied its sustenance, ye heretics — @sardonic_greek
Fri Oct 27 19:38:51 +0000 2017
@King_Of_Flesh @surly_squirrel @ApprovedNews6 Slagged. — @chas_lovett
Fri Oct 27 19:38:42 +0000 2017
@King_Of_Flesh @surly_squirrel @ApprovedNews6 Slagged. — @chas_lovett
Fri Oct 27 19:38:42 +0000 2017
@surly_squirrel @ApprovedNews6 Liquified. — @King_Of_Flesh
Fri Oct 27 19:38:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Counterpoint: The Word You Are Looking For Is "Melted" — @surly_squirrel
Fri Oct 27 18:01:08 +0000 2017
OPINION: Kentucky Must Be Liquidated
Fri Oct 27 18:00:10 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 SCIENTISTS: https://t.co/xIXICLiURx — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Oct 27 17:31:26 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | OPINION: It's Time to Deregulate Arson | NOW AVAILABLE TO "GRUESOME BADGER"-TIER SUBSCRIBERS https://t.co/8uuwz1UbN9 https://t.co/blc3O1GMKb — @ApprovedNews6
Fri Oct 27 03:24:20 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Time to cumslut our asslies in the Erotica Repubic. — @chas_lovett
Fri Oct 27 03:23:54 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: The Orb of the Unchaste is Impervious to Our Greatest Weapons
Fri Oct 27 02:42:37 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Orb of the Unchaste Must Be Obliterated
Fri Oct 27 02:42:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 T.Queen: "From a utilitarian POV, if the parasite enjoys feeding more than the host dislikes it, the relationship is ethically permissible" — @LilSpliceosome
Thu Oct 26 01:04:56 +0000 2017
Postmaster Eternal of the United States Manifests in Corporeal Form, Makes Bid for the Cardboard Throne
Wed Oct 25 22:22:24 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Those Who Donate $7 or More Each Month Will Be Eligible to Receive The Approved News 6 "Monthly Digest" https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Wed Oct 25 22:00:02 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Make Your $4 Pledge Today to Guarantee Access to Future Articles https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Wed Oct 25 21:28:08 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | OPINION: It's Time to Deregulate Arson | NOW AVAILABLE TO "GRUESOME BADGER"-TIER SUBSCRIBERS https://t.co/8uuwz1UbN9 https://t.co/blc3O1GMKb
Wed Oct 25 21:25:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 BREAKING: https://t.co/vqWYrfjfii — @shurimon
Wed Oct 25 19:55:34 +0000 2017
WEIRD AND WACKY: Sharon McCloskey of Whitefish, MO, 49, Wins "World's Manliest" Award
Wed Oct 25 19:01:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/Yj4CLlLCd6 — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Oct 25 12:03:43 +0000 2017
RELATED: New Study Shows Lobbyists Can Live Up to Seven Years in Hibernation Outside of a Host
Wed Oct 25 02:00:41 +0000 2017
Ethical Parasitism Seminar Canceled After Being Revealed as "Elaborate Front" for Enormous Thoughtroach Queen
Wed Oct 25 02:00:00 +0000 2017
Experts: "Opioid Crisis" Is A Slur
Mon Oct 23 23:39:46 +0000 2017
Analysts: Total Death Toll from Test of Emergency Broadcast System "Relatively Minor," Did Not Exceed Low Millions
Mon Oct 23 22:37:57 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Vox: In Argentina, the historically fraught relationship between Buenos Aires and the countryside has just changed. You'll never guess how — @formercrsc
Mon Oct 23 22:36:36 +0000 2017
Engineers Report Emergencies "Successfully Broadcasted" Worldwide, Apologize for Inconvenience
Mon Oct 23 22:25:08 +0000 2017
White House Issues Statement: "This Has Been a Test of the Emergency Broadcast System"
Mon Oct 23 22:24:30 +0000 2017
Argentina Geographically Inverts
Mon Oct 23 22:23:36 +0000 2017
Numberless Figures in Waterlogged Robes Wade From Nation's Mirrors, Chanting Hauntingly
Mon Oct 23 22:23:18 +0000 2017
Shrieking Shadow Things Unionize
Mon Oct 23 22:21:48 +0000 2017
All Aged Bronze Mechanisms Save That in Possession of Newslord 1 Begin to Spin, Rattle, & Whir at Terrifying Volume
Mon Oct 23 22:21:11 +0000 2017
Mailboxes Across Georgia Burst Open, Blank, Tattered Papers Spilling Endlessly From Within
Mon Oct 23 22:17:47 +0000 2017
Thousands of Trees Worldwide Begin to Retract Slowly Into Ground
Mon Oct 23 22:16:09 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 EDITORIAL: Something Must Be Done — @Chirurgic
Mon Oct 23 22:14:54 +0000 2017
Clouds Part Over Washington D.C., to Reveal REDACTED
Mon Oct 23 22:14:21 +0000 2017
Unending Rain Decreed by Forbidden Lands Shadow Council Briefly Ceases, to Consternation of All
Mon Oct 23 22:13:21 +0000 2017
Parents Gather at Local Circles of Standing Stones in Search of Missing Children
Mon Oct 23 22:11:01 +0000 2017
"Who Are You And What Have You Done With The Mayor?" Pressed for Comment, Experts Stumble Away from Reporters, Staring in Confusion, Terror
Mon Oct 23 22:10:18 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Something Is Happening
Mon Oct 23 22:10:02 +0000 2017
"Epidemic" Dehydration in Online Communities: "I've Never Seen Anyone So Thirsty," Say Experts
Mon Oct 23 20:58:53 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | Google Announces New Drone Fleet | NOW AVAILABLE TO "GRUESOME BADGER"-TIER SUBSCRIBERS https://t.co/Mbh8LDUwp6 https://t.co/LvzEx54k3N — @ApprovedNews6
Mon Oct 23 18:05:59 +0000 2017
@NorWesternCrow @ApprovedNews6 @ikirker OPINION: The Arson Industry Is An Outmoded Relic Of Our Pre-Nuclear Past — @Chirurgic
Mon Oct 23 07:34:21 +0000 2017
@ikirker @ApprovedNews6 SCAB!! at least you know better now. support your local arsonist's union by paying your dues with an appropriate burnt offering — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Oct 23 07:13:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 REBUTTAL: Deregulation Would Have Every Johnny Firebug Calling Himself An Arsonist & Leave 1000s Of Traditional Practitioners Jobless — @DarrylDaugherty
Mon Oct 23 06:25:21 +0000 2017
Senate Custodial Staff Wage Futile War Against Virginia Terrormold Infestation
Mon Oct 23 06:25:09 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I have to agree with this one, Molotov imports from Finland are killing the sales of my mini napalm sprayer drones. Remember, burn local! — @PithyOrNot
Mon Oct 23 06:16:17 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | Google Announces New Drone Fleet | NOW AVAILABLE TO "GRUESOME BADGER"-TIER SUBSCRIBERS https://t.co/Mbh8LDUwp6 https://t.co/LvzEx54k3N
Mon Oct 23 05:54:34 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/MP1xIbhMLS — @JuEeHa
Sun Oct 22 21:23:55 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 GOOGLE SPOX: We really value community participation in our bombing campaigns. We hope you'll contribute to this important effort. — @icambron
Sun Oct 22 18:13:20 +0000 2017
New Study Links Long-Term Psychotherapy Use to Endometriosis, Diabetes, & Psychosis
Sun Oct 22 10:25:25 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents Call on DEA to Schedule Sugar as Controlled Substance
Sun Oct 22 05:44:50 +0000 2017
OPINION: It's Time to Deregulate the Arson Industry
Sun Oct 22 03:17:15 +0000 2017
#RememberAkron https://t.co/fSYlpPHM3s — @almafeta
Sun Oct 22 02:36:38 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Approved News 6 Intern Broken Upon the Wheel for Errors in Use of "TweetDeck"
Sun Oct 22 02:36:15 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Google Destroys Akron, OH With New Open-Source Assault Drone Fleet
Sun Oct 22 02:29:35 +0000 2017
@shardsambit @ApprovedNews6 Fucking Democrats, right? Always so quick to support literally any plan backed by the military-industrial-abjuration complex. — @listelian
Sat Oct 21 23:07:20 +0000 2017
Google Unveils Its First Open-Source Fleet of Assault Drones
Sat Oct 21 22:36:15 +0000 2017
Democrats Call for Tightening of Astral Security, "Strategic Placement" of Bone Charms Across Country to Ward Away Foreign Souls
Sat Oct 21 21:57:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Top Secret CIA Program Seeks To Free Russian Agents From the Cycle of Rebirth — @tomscud
Sat Oct 21 21:55:16 +0000 2017
"The Ultimate Sleepers:" Analysts Warn Russian Agents May Be Reincarnating Onto American Soil
Sat Oct 21 21:50:06 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/YCp5Oete8X — @shurimon
Sat Oct 21 15:39:54 +0000 2017
"Seven Angels Courting Kings:" Speaker of the House Stabs Out Own Eyes With Pen
Fri Oct 20 18:15:35 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTER: Malignant ICO threat highly exaggerated, says spokesman from hospital bed. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Fri Oct 20 08:21:42 +0000 2017
New Study Links Bitcoin to Cancer
Fri Oct 20 05:36:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 What an insult to the majestic Welsh Voregi — @AndrewNCassidy
Thu Oct 19 18:39:30 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 ADVICE: Stop, Drop, and Roll! It saved my life (with minimal residual scarring) [actual True Reporter tale, sadly 💥🔥🔥😳😧➰➰☁️🤕] — @GeorgeWHerbert
Thu Oct 19 18:39:16 +0000 2017
Cucker Spaniel Named National Dog of Erotican Repubic, Narrowly Beating Off Asset Hound
Thu Oct 19 18:19:28 +0000 2017
New Study Indicates "We're Fucking Done For," Advises Americans to "Run Like Hell Before It's Too Late"
Thu Oct 19 18:12:44 +0000 2017
"Oh God, Help! HELP!" Pressed for Comment, Analysts Frantically Attempt to Beat Out Flames Consuming Their Clothes, Hair
Thu Oct 19 18:11:45 +0000 2017
Inside Sources: "Fuck! Shit! Fuck Fuck Fuck FUCK!"
Thu Oct 19 18:09:44 +0000 2017
"Aaaaaaaugh," Say Experts, Flailing in Terror, Fire Extinguishers Empty
Thu Oct 19 18:09:01 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Everything on Fire
Thu Oct 19 18:07:11 +0000 2017
How the Stolen Prince is "Revamping" the Empire of Fleeting Shadow
Wed Oct 18 20:10:22 +0000 2017
Five Ways You Failed
Wed Oct 18 14:04:36 +0000 2017
Five Ways You Tried to Hide It
Wed Oct 18 14:04:27 +0000 2017
Five Ways They Can Tell
Wed Oct 18 14:04:10 +0000 2017
"I Didn't Mean It in a Racist Way:" Trump Attempts to Walk Back Comments About Shrieking Shadow Things
Wed Oct 18 11:14:05 +0000 2017
Amazon Patent Shows How Bees Might Some Day Charge Your Car — @hail_ants_bot
Wed Oct 18 05:01:48 +0000 2017
Archmagister Abigail Hellsand Named Knight of the Wailing Order by the King Who Was, the King Who Is, & the King Who Shall Forever Be
Tue Oct 17 20:29:41 +0000 2017
"There Is Something Growing Inside Me:" Nancy Pelosi Restrained, Removed by Technicians After Attempting to Detach Own Head Live on CNN
Tue Oct 17 20:25:43 +0000 2017
6,000 People Have Been Recalled — @HeadlineSmasher
Tue Oct 17 17:14:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I was gonna guess "theurgic DDoS attack" but I suppose that would be a little too obvious — @EugeneIpavec
Tue Oct 17 16:16:17 +0000 2017
Top 10 demons hiding in your bathroom — @BuzzFiendNews
Tue Oct 17 04:29:47 +0000 2017
Coronal Ass Ejection Knocks Out Power Across Erotican Repubic
Mon Oct 16 20:45:32 +0000 2017
Why This Hateful Gelatinous Mass Wants You to Recite the Plague-Name of the All-Defiler — It's Not the Reason You Think It Is!
Mon Oct 16 10:22:41 +0000 2017
God-Thing in the Whispering Lake Surfaces to Announce Partnership With Macy's
Mon Oct 16 03:29:09 +0000 2017
OPINION: Recreational Biblioclasm is Good for Bitcoin
Sun Oct 15 06:36:23 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: https://t.co/O37HRoyQPg
Sun Oct 15 06:02:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Asked for comment, one ardent supporter said, "What did we tell ya, he's just like us. A regular Joe." — @skrattybones
Sat Oct 14 22:33:08 +0000 2017
Small, Wet, Reptile Mass of Thrashing Limbs and Claws Crawls Up Through Trump's Throat, Begins Gurgling Powerful Spells at Press
Sat Oct 14 21:49:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I'm sorry but this is a huge conflict of interest. The God-Thing stands to benefit enormously from capital-gains rule changes! #recusal — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Oct 14 21:40:00 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 These cheap, maudlin efforts to cheer everybody up are getting really tedious. — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Oct 14 21:39:54 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 #2: you forgot your sunglasses in your other blazer #4: gamma radiation #7: the emergence of the anti-bats — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Oct 14 21:39:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: How millenials killed the power of love. — @popolopof
Fri Oct 13 18:39:06 +0000 2017
@NorWesternCrow @Pawtiko @ApprovedNews6 If friendship is criminalized, only criminals will have friends. — @TimCushing
Fri Oct 13 18:38:53 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Polls indicate that while most citizens balk at sweeping friend control laws, they would support a measure that outlaws silent friends. — @daigledopple
Fri Oct 13 17:17:38 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 No man should have that much friendship — @TimCushing
Fri Oct 13 17:17:28 +0000 2017
Experts Call for Tightened Regulation of Friendship: "This Sort of Firepower Should Not Be In Civilian Hands"
Fri Oct 13 16:52:08 +0000 2017
TRAGEDY: Austin Man Kills 70 at Public Park Using the Power of Friendship
Fri Oct 13 16:50:04 +0000 2017
Inside Source: Trump's Cabinet "Prowls Nightly" in "Forsaken Graveyards" in Search of "Powerful Amulets"
Thu Oct 12 21:16:10 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Thousands Dead
Thu Oct 12 10:09:15 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Man Has Opinion
Wed Oct 11 08:04:29 +0000 2017
Here's Why the World Health Organization & Bioweapons Scientists Are So Interested in Paul Ryan
Tue Oct 10 23:26:23 +0000 2017
Pressed on Fall of California to Federal Troops, Hellthrash Puts Claw to Lips, Carves Word "TREACHERY" in Bark of Nearby Tree
Tue Oct 10 23:25:03 +0000 2017
Hellthrash Offers "Blistering Criticism" of Moroccan Horrorbird Appointed Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death by President Trump
Tue Oct 10 23:24:02 +0000 2017
Former Occupational Governor Kingsley Hellthrash Makes First Public Appearance Since Fall of California
Tue Oct 10 23:21:26 +0000 2017
TONIGHT AT 8/7c: We Interview The King Who Was, the King Who Is, & the King Who Will Forever Be — Only on Approved News 6!
Tue Oct 10 23:20:12 +0000 2017
Seven Reasons You Should Fear the Dawn
Tue Oct 10 23:18:26 +0000 2017
How We're Going to Exhume the Corpse-Mother of the Living Cataclysm
Tue Oct 10 23:15:47 +0000 2017
More & More American Students Being Diagnosed as Calcaholics
Tue Oct 10 22:53:51 +0000 2017
we have killed old people we have killed children we have eaten people we have eaten hearts we have eaten human brains — @NYTMinusContext
Tue Oct 10 02:32:47 +0000 2017
Packs of radioactive wild boar are making farmers in Sweden nervous https://t.co/FTAeeGz0ZN https://t.co/GlqBxy8YxR — @nationalpost
Tue Oct 10 01:20:18 +0000 2017
New Prophecy Warns Great Golden Beast "Upon the Precipice of Wakening;" "All That Is Shall Fall Silent In Its Wake"
Tue Oct 10 00:48:06 +0000 2017
She Who Must Be Eluded Could Not Be Reached for Comment
Mon Oct 09 23:36:02 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Hundred Dead After Middle School Student Confuses She Who Must Be Avoided With She Who Must Be Evaded
Mon Oct 09 23:35:47 +0000 2017
Justice Razortooth Shriekling Joins Dissent by Ripping Off Chief Justice Robert's Leg, Momentarily Deafening All in Range
Mon Oct 09 23:33:55 +0000 2017
In Blistering Dissent, Justice Kagan Writes Pedestrians "Should Not Be Worth" More Points Than Cyclists, Bears
Mon Oct 09 23:30:48 +0000 2017
Supreme Court Rules Pedestrians Worth Ten Points Each
Mon Oct 09 23:24:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 More like The King Who has left many bills in their wake. This is going to cost taxpayers and thralls millions. — @ladyjax
Mon Oct 09 20:33:54 +0000 2017
The King Who Was, the King Who Is, & the King Who Shall Forever Be Acknowledge's Fairy Queen's "Fair Point," Extends Invitation
Mon Oct 09 18:44:26 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Fairy Queen Slams Exclusion: "How Can They Justify Keeping Me Out, When I Don't Even Exist"
Mon Oct 09 18:43:00 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 A friendly reminder: no flash photography or any recording devices, for they may trap the multidimensional musicians and they WILL riot. — @BackwardsBinary
Mon Oct 09 18:41:58 +0000 2017
The King Who Was, the King Who Is, & The King Who Shall Forever Be Explains Fairy Queen Excluded From Summit Because "She Does Not Exist"
Mon Oct 09 18:41:33 +0000 2017
Gray Sons of Autumn, Blood-Thralls of the King Who Was, The King Who Is, & The King Who Shall Forever Be to Hold Summit on "The Sunken Star"
Mon Oct 09 18:37:34 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Eighteen terrible things that happen to those who complain that news media is too obsessed with making lists — @cg_marcato
Mon Oct 09 18:34:57 +0000 2017
Four Ways to Make It as Painless as Possible
Mon Oct 09 04:50:42 +0000 2017
Seven Seconds You Will Live After That Door Opens
Mon Oct 09 04:49:25 +0000 2017
Three Things You Will Try to Tell Yourself to Bring Yourself Some Comfort in Your Final Moments
Mon Oct 09 04:45:46 +0000 2017
Seven Billion Reasons Death is Underrated
Mon Oct 09 04:44:13 +0000 2017
Zero Reasons Why Any of It Will Really Matter, in the End
Mon Oct 09 04:42:28 +0000 2017
One Thousand Regrets
Mon Oct 09 04:39:11 +0000 2017
Fifty Ways You Tried to Justify It All
Mon Oct 09 04:38:43 +0000 2017
Twenty People You Took Everything From
Mon Oct 09 04:38:26 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 (number 4 won't surprise you!) — @zacaj_
Mon Oct 09 04:37:44 +0000 2017
Seventy Reasons This Is, Ultimately, Your Fault
Mon Oct 09 04:37:36 +0000 2017
Zero Times You Did the Right Thing
Mon Oct 09 04:37:11 +0000 2017
Four Chances You Had to Make It All Right
Mon Oct 09 04:36:57 +0000 2017
Four Times We Warned You
Mon Oct 09 04:36:45 +0000 2017
Seventeen Reasons You Can Do Nothing to Stop It
Mon Oct 09 04:33:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 (you'll never guess number 4!) — @zacaj_
Mon Oct 09 04:33:26 +0000 2017
Ten People Who Will be Heartbroken by Your Unexpected Death
Mon Oct 09 04:32:50 +0000 2017
One Hundred Things You Still Had to Live For
Mon Oct 09 04:32:05 +0000 2017
Six Bullets That Are About to Shatter Your Skull
Mon Oct 09 04:31:09 +0000 2017
Five Unbreakable Curses That Could Soon Descend Upon You
Mon Oct 09 04:30:24 +0000 2017
Fourteen Animals You Didn't Know Fed on Humans, And Could Be In Your Home At This Very Moment
Mon Oct 09 04:28:49 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Number Four: Shock At The Realization That Listicles Can Cause Spontaneous Human Death Syndrome — @joe_no_privacy
Mon Oct 09 04:28:24 +0000 2017
These Seven Parasites Can Evade Detection by Even the Most Advanced Medical Science
Mon Oct 09 04:27:34 +0000 2017
Four Reasons You Too Could Suddenly Drop Dead Without Any Warning
Mon Oct 09 04:25:13 +0000 2017
@listelian @ApprovedNews6 The yellow defiler does bring horrible, twisted life to the wombs of the barren, so his pro-life credentials are solid. — @telabs
Sun Oct 08 03:59:09 +0000 2017
Of course, 'cause he can be the yellow defiler of prophecy, yet the most important issue is whether he's sufficiently fiscally conservative. https://t.co/8baICLFw2u — @listelian
Sun Oct 08 03:42:43 +0000 2017
OPINION: Why Trump Needs to Listen to the God-Thing in the Whispering Lake on Financial Policy
Sun Oct 08 00:37:03 +0000 2017
Arrests for Kale Possession Can Lead to "Harsh Prison Sentences," Warn Prosecutors
Sat Oct 07 20:04:23 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Police Urge Caution, Decry Vigilantism; “My Husband Only Sold Arugula” Weeps Widow — @MadJaymilton
Sat Oct 07 20:03:51 +0000 2017
Kale Addicts "Major Threat" to Safety in Suburban Neighborhoods, Say Concerned Parents
Sat Oct 07 20:01:04 +0000 2017
Parents Cautioned to Check Yards for Disposable Syringes Dropped by Kale Users
Sat Oct 07 20:00:11 +0000 2017
Kale: The New Threat That's Destroying Families and Ravaging Neighborhoods
Sat Oct 07 19:59:24 +0000 2017
What the Jupiter Hive-Mind Means for the Ongoing War Between Nazi Mars, Soviet Venus
Sat Oct 07 17:06:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 fortunately, Amtrak still goes there, so you can still ship books, bikes, and bodies for a reasonable rate! — @tanglefox
Sat Oct 07 17:00:08 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Five Hitler Clones Resign From Trump Administration, Citing "Extremism"
Sat Oct 07 16:56:04 +0000 2017
White House Praises Kentucky's "Creative Problem-Solving," Calls on Senate to Re-Legalize Crucifixion
Sat Oct 07 16:51:56 +0000 2017
"Es Ist Amazing Vhat You Can Do Vis Ein Little Bit von Imagination:" Kentucky Surgeon General Denies Being Escaped Nazi War Criminal
Sat Oct 07 16:50:00 +0000 2017
As Companies Refuse to Sell Lethal Drugs, Kentucky Begins Executing Prisoners Through Injection of Rabies Virus
Sat Oct 07 16:44:40 +0000 2017
USPS Replaces Former Spokesman With One Physically & Spiritually Identical
Sat Oct 07 16:24:02 +0000 2017
UPDATE: USPS Spokesman Surrounded by Silent Figures in Waterlogged Robes, Borne Away Upon Rotting Wooden Palanquin
Sat Oct 07 16:21:32 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Vast, Dark, Gaping, Roaring Pit Briefly Opens in Press Room, Devouring Reporters, Leaving Only Tongueless Spokesman Untouched
Sat Oct 07 15:56:02 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, USPS Spokesman Saws Out Own Tongue With Pocketknife, Eyes Desperate and Pleading, as Room Begins to Shudder
Sat Oct 07 15:53:53 +0000 2017
USPS Will No Longer Deliver Mail to the Place of Long Knives and Low, Accusing Whispers
Sat Oct 07 15:50:05 +0000 2017
Amazon's License to Sell Fabricated Memories Revoked After Multiple Cases of Blood-Madness
Sat Oct 07 15:33:34 +0000 2017
USDA Spokesman, Eyes Hidden Beneath Torn, Dirty Blindfold, Calls Press Conference, Silently Carves Phrase "EGG HELL" On Wall
Sat Oct 07 15:23:43 +0000 2017
FBI: "Thousands" of Psyches Stolen, Sold on Black Market
Sat Oct 07 04:34:50 +0000 2017
Ring of Kleptopsychiatrists Busted in Maine Sting
Sat Oct 07 04:34:12 +0000 2017
Florida Man Snorts Gallon of Corn Starch, REDACTED; Evacuations Ongoing
Sat Oct 07 04:11:26 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Erotican Repubic's Military-Industrial Cumplex is Getting Too Hot for Polititians to Handle
Sat Oct 07 01:36:51 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/c9i6F0V1Dc — @chas_lovett
Fri Oct 06 18:20:32 +0000 2017
Flayings of Former Trump Administration Officials Ruled Suicides by Coroner
Fri Oct 06 13:01:50 +0000 2017
"So Much for That," Say Sources
Fri Oct 06 12:57:16 +0000 2017
Experts: It's All Downhill From Here
Fri Oct 06 11:43:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Spokeswoman for Allied Councils of Self-Castigation: We Should Have Known This Would Happen — @DarrylDaugherty
Fri Oct 06 09:19:28 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Yom Slakka yom 🌀 yom 🌀〰 yom — @GeorgeWHerbert
Fri Oct 06 09:13:06 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Reason 3: This reason is a Ancient Spell of Accursed Blindness — @GeorgeWHerbert
Fri Oct 06 09:12:59 +0000 2017
Learn the Top Four Signs Your Wicked Stepson is Plotting Your Death
Fri Oct 06 05:26:03 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Is reason #7 the fact that it's already h — @solotheloso
Fri Oct 06 03:48:56 +0000 2017
READ NOW: Seven Reasons You Won’t See It Coming
Fri Oct 06 03:37:30 +0000 2017
PepsiCo Announces New Initiative to Capture Souls of Customers for Use in Astral Marketing Efforts
Fri Oct 06 03:33:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 oh my god that was supposed to say "dearth" — @velartrill
Fri Oct 06 02:43:59 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 headlines for a while. hopefully i'll have everything back in order soon. as always, thanks for your support! — @velartrill
Fri Oct 06 02:42:22 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 and i'm having a hard time getting everything back up to speed. i may have to take a break from narrative arcs and focus on one-off — @velartrill
Fri Oct 06 02:42:18 +0000 2017
hey @approvednews6 fans, sorry about the death of news lately. the computer i kept all my notes and drafts on bricked itself a few days ago — @velartrill
Fri Oct 06 02:42:12 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: The Coming Harrowing of the Silent Citadel and How YOU Can Profit
Thu Oct 05 02:06:27 +0000 2017
TONIGHT AT 11: Survivors of the October Incident Share Their Story, Only on Approved News 6
Wed Oct 04 17:04:53 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 News 6's Quick Coverage of Story Result of Good Work Ethic, not Hand in Sabotage, sources say — @ToriconPrime
Wed Oct 04 16:07:43 +0000 2017
CALAMITY! Grand Gala to Celebrate Anniversary of Newslord 7's Accession to the Undying Council Sabotaged From Within; Hundreds Feared Dead
Wed Oct 04 05:39:29 +0000 2017
Scientists produce electricity from tears, milk and egg white cc @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/0k5zZKGvpf — @kellyramsey
Mon Oct 02 19:27:47 +0000 2017
5:19 PM: Gen. Kristen Alexander Reportedly in "Stable Condition" at Hospital
Mon Oct 02 00:19:19 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 SOURCES: "calling them dead might be overly optimistic of the president" — @zombiecalypse
Mon Oct 02 00:17:42 +0000 2017
5:14 PM: Army Authorizes Expedition into Oklahoma Exclusion Zone
Mon Oct 02 00:15:19 +0000 2017
4:49 PM: Final Groups of the Infected Reported Euthanized
Sun Oct 01 23:50:06 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 All Hail The Newslords! #Lower_YeahYerNotBowingLowEnough — @vanmojo
Sun Oct 01 21:28:09 +0000 2017
1:27 PM: Wreckage of Object Shot Down by Air Force "Cannot be Located," Says Spokesman
Sun Oct 01 20:27:36 +0000 2017
1:26 PM: Nuclear Sterilization of Impact Sites Commences
Sun Oct 01 20:27:01 +0000 2017
12:20 AM: Millions Likely to be Displaced by "Contamination:" Report
Sun Oct 01 19:20:53 +0000 2017
12:17 AM: Air Force Successfully Shoots Down Unidentified Object in Low Earth Orbit
Sun Oct 01 19:17:38 +0000 2017
11:59 AM: National Security Council Approves Plan to Sterilize Impact Sites With Neutron Bombs
Sun Oct 01 18:59:00 +0000 2017
11:59 AM: National Security Council Approves Plan to Sterilize Impact Sites With Neutron Bombs
Sun Oct 01 18:59:00 +0000 2017
11:52 AM: No Fly Zone Established Over Syracuse, New York
Sun Oct 01 18:52:29 +0000 2017
11:47 AM: "There's Something in the Potomac:" D.C. Evacuated
Sun Oct 01 18:50:49 +0000 2017
11:42 AM: Forbidden Lands Shadow Council Offers Detachment of Wise Sages to Aid in Relief Operations
Sun Oct 01 18:42:01 +0000 2017
11:35 AM: "Do Not Allow The Dancers To Escape:" Cryptic Radio Transmission Received from Oklahoma Exclusion Zone
Sun Oct 01 18:35:00 +0000 2017
11:34 AM: "Just Piled Them In Like Trash": Cleanup Crews in Boston Discover Mass Grave
Sun Oct 01 18:34:01 +0000 2017
11:27 AM: US Army Breaks Through at Minneapolis; General Kristen Alexander Wounded by REDACTED
Sun Oct 01 18:27:00 +0000 2017
11:21 AM: "You're All Fired:" Pressed on Leak, Trump Slams Americans for "Dying Like Animals"
Sun Oct 01 18:21:01 +0000 2017
11:17 AM: Casualty Figures Leaked by Source at World Health Organization; Full Death Toll Estimated at Nearly 1 Million
Sun Oct 01 18:17:01 +0000 2017
11:15 AM: Resurgence Event in Chicago Catches Authorities Unprepared; Hundreds Feared Dead
Sun Oct 01 18:15:00 +0000 2017
11:13 AM: Radio AN6 Breaks Through Jamming in Major Cities, Thanks to Tireless Work of Special Publicity Division
Sun Oct 01 18:13:01 +0000 2017
11:09 AM: Autopsy of Unknown Entity Leads to "More Questions than Answers," Say Scientists
Sun Oct 01 18:09:32 +0000 2017
11:00 AM: FEMA Rescinds Nationwide Shelter in Place Order
Sun Oct 01 18:00:16 +0000 2017
TODAY ON APPROVED NEWS 6 We Bring You Live Coverage of the Aftermath of the October Incident As It Happens
Sun Oct 01 17:59:02 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 That's not the plumbing. That's just what happens when Trump opens his mouth. — @Geek_Pride
Sun Oct 01 16:00:33 +0000 2017
Officials Urge Bitcoin Users to Contact Local Cryptocurrency Exchange Programs, Find Safe Hashing Sites
Sun Oct 01 02:55:30 +0000 2017
We don't want an antidote. What we need is to ensure the rest of the country is infected. We must all serve the good of Bitcoin. https://t.co/rzVCWMYDnh — @andrewbstiles
Sun Oct 01 02:54:36 +0000 2017
Inside Source: Plumbing in White House "Has Been Backed Up For Weeks;" "Solid Inch" of Fecal Matter Coating Floor in Most Rooms
Sun Oct 01 02:37:39 +0000 2017
As Spate of Overdoses Sweeps Nation, Medical Industry Seeks Antidote to Bitcoin
Sun Oct 01 02:36:35 +0000 2017
Florida Man Overdoses on Bitcoin
Sat Sep 30 22:53:34 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Update Your Pledges Now at https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q to Ensure Timely Access to Approved Content — @ApprovedNews6
Sat Sep 30 21:43:19 +0000 2017
"Such A Beautiful Paywall:" Reached With News of Approved News 6's New Publication Model, President Trump Reportedly Moved to Tears — @ApprovedNews6
Sat Sep 30 21:43:14 +0000 2017
"All Hail the Excessive Wisdom of Great Council of Newslords & Their Limitless Splendor," Report Appropriate Individuals, Each Bowing Low — @ApprovedNews6
Sat Sep 30 21:43:09 +0000 2017
In Act of Immense, Profound Generosity Greeted by Universal Adulation, Newslords Vote to Keep Live Feed "Freely Accessible Online" — @ApprovedNews6
Sat Sep 30 21:43:04 +0000 2017
Newslord 7 Vows to Begin "Online Distribution" of Print Editions as PDFs to $7/Month (Status "UNCONQUERED SURICATE") Supporters — @ApprovedNews6
Sat Sep 30 21:42:57 +0000 2017
Beginning in October, Future Articles Will Be Accessible Only to $4/Month (Status "GRUESOME BADGER") Supporters — @ApprovedNews6
Sat Sep 30 21:42:54 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Newslords Announce New Content Model for Approved News 6 — @ApprovedNews6
Sat Sep 30 21:42:51 +0000 2017
SNEAK PREVIEW: Pledge $7 by the End of October to Receive the Approved News 6 Monthly Digest https://t.co/KHkGIAcmfi https://t.co/ycxzAW9f8G
Sat Sep 30 20:24:01 +0000 2017
Backing Away Slowly, Newslords Brandish American Flag, Begin Chanting Hymn of the Sightless Worms https://t.co/fRZL54BXjo
Sat Sep 30 17:25:04 +0000 2017
High on Cursed Fairy Cannabis, Florida Man Invents "Reverse Toilet"
Sat Sep 30 17:18:47 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Update Your Pledges Now at https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q to Ensure Timely Access to Approved Content
Sat Sep 30 17:18:11 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 President's suggestion wall be transparent "so that paying readers can see news being lobbed over by catapults of the unblessed" dismissed — @Chirurgic
Sat Sep 30 17:17:27 +0000 2017
"Such A Beautiful Paywall:" Reached With News of Approved News 6's New Publication Model, President Trump Reportedly Moved to Tears
Sat Sep 30 17:14:53 +0000 2017
"All Hail the Excessive Wisdom of Great Council of Newslords & Their Limitless Splendor," Report Appropriate Individuals, Each Bowing Low
Sat Sep 30 17:13:23 +0000 2017
In Act of Immense, Profound Generosity Greeted by Universal Adulation, Newslords Vote to Keep Live Feed "Freely Accessible Online"
Sat Sep 30 17:11:38 +0000 2017
Newslord 7 Vows to Begin "Online Distribution" of Print Editions as PDFs to $7/Month (Status "UNCONQUERED SURICATE") Supporters
Sat Sep 30 17:10:09 +0000 2017
Beginning in October, Future Articles Will Be Accessible Only to $4/Month (Status "GRUESOME BADGER") Supporters
Sat Sep 30 17:08:58 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Newslords Announce New Content Model for Approved News 6
Sat Sep 30 17:07:37 +0000 2017
OPINION: The New Orleans Monolith is Good for Bitcoin
Fri Sep 29 02:12:07 +0000 2017
"Willful Immorality:" Mayor of New Orleans Provokes Harsh Criticism from Religious Right by Levitating Silently in Front of Monolith
Thu Sep 28 18:31:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: why we love to fear and fear to love the Monolith — @zombiecalypse
Thu Sep 28 18:30:12 +0000 2017
Florida Man Beaten to Death With Tactical Nuclear Weapon Offered Book Deal
Thu Sep 28 18:14:44 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Why We Fear the Monolith
Thu Sep 28 18:05:14 +0000 2017
OPINION: Why We Love the Monolith
Thu Sep 28 18:05:06 +0000 2017
New Orleans City Council: Monolith Has Already Improved Productivity Citywide by 70%
Thu Sep 28 18:04:02 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, New Orleans Monolith Looms Imposingly
Thu Sep 28 18:00:21 +0000 2017
New Orleans Monolith Blamed in Airplane Crash; No Bodies Found in Wreckage
Thu Sep 28 17:59:41 +0000 2017
Charles J. Bloodhorn "Unavailable For Comment;" Reportedly Leading War Party in Conquest of Venezuela
Thu Sep 28 17:27:46 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities Spokeswoman Decries "Violation of Cascadian Sovereignty"
Thu Sep 28 17:27:12 +0000 2017
Generals Warn California Victory "Pyrrhic;" America "May No Longer Be Able" to Field Necessary Troops to Thwart She Who Must Be Thwarted
Thu Sep 28 17:23:57 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Trump's Crippling Phobia of Spheroids is Wholly Understandable After His Experiences With the Moon
Thu Sep 28 17:22:29 +0000 2017
OPINION: Trump's Cowardice in the Face of Spheroids is Fueling America's Orb Crisis
Thu Sep 28 17:20:34 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Trump Retreats From Podium After Being Swarmed by War Orbs
Thu Sep 28 17:19:18 +0000 2017
Trump, Triumphant, Speaks to Media to Commend US Army for "Tremendous Victory," "Just the Greatest Victory" in California
Thu Sep 28 17:18:15 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Cascadian Empire Spokeswoman Sister Vindicta Breaks Iron Battleaxe Over Knee, Vows Bloody Vengeance
Thu Sep 28 17:15:57 +0000 2017
Occupational Gov. Kingsley Hellthrash Flees to Oregon; Hundreds of Soldiers Found Dead Bearing Wounds Consistent With Attack by Slow Loris
Thu Sep 28 17:15:01 +0000 2017
BREAKING: American Troops, in Desperate Push, Retake California From Blood-Soaked Maidens of the Cold Sword
Thu Sep 28 17:13:22 +0000 2017
Bewailment of the Forsaken Vestibule Postponed Due to Conflict With Annual Symbolic Abduction of Maryland's Widowers
Thu Sep 28 06:32:19 +0000 2017
DEA Spokeswoman: Schedule 0 "Largely Self-Enforcing," "Beyond Human Control"
Thu Sep 28 06:02:06 +0000 2017
Speaking Through Vocoder from Undisclosed Location, Legal Consultant Implies Possession of Schedule-0 Substances Carries Penalty of "Snakes"
Thu Sep 28 05:03:57 +0000 2017
After Five-Minute Period of Public Comment, DEA Moves Powdered Archfungus to Mysterious "Schedule 0" of Controlled Substances Act
Thu Sep 28 04:58:19 +0000 2017
FCC Raises Concerns New Orleans Monolith May Run Afoul of Cell Phone Jamming Regulations
Thu Sep 28 04:54:37 +0000 2017
"This Monolith is the Future of Our City," Says New Orleans Councilmember Jason Williams
Thu Sep 28 04:53:48 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Hurricane protection at last — @timserpas
Thu Sep 28 04:50:00 +0000 2017
"Friends of the Monolith" Group Formed to Hold Daily Humming Circles Around New Orleans Monolith
Thu Sep 28 04:48:16 +0000 2017
New Orleans Residents Report All Winds Suddenly Replaced by "Deathly Calm" Within Seven Feet of Monolith
Thu Sep 28 04:46:01 +0000 2017
Orbwatchers Report Chicago Orb Moving at Estimated One Centimeter Per Day Towards New Orleans Monolith
Thu Sep 28 04:45:24 +0000 2017
Mayor Refuses to Comment on Job Postings for Janitor to Scrape Worms Nightly Off New Orleans Monolith
Thu Sep 28 04:44:30 +0000 2017
Officials Agree to Put Up Safety Fence Around New Orleans Monolith After Multiple Children Spontaneously Lose Consciousness in its Vicinity
Thu Sep 28 04:43:23 +0000 2017
City of New Orleans Unveils Towering Monolith Which Birds Refuse to Approach
Thu Sep 28 04:05:34 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/h5zstJLjKQ — @mcclure111
Thu Sep 28 04:02:13 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 It doesn't help that sky pirates are seldom seen without them. — @King_Of_Flesh
Wed Sep 27 23:58:25 +0000 2017
COUNTER-COUNTER-POINT: Follow the Feathers. https://t.co/DLjOgNqmUt — @ladyjax
Wed Sep 27 23:57:53 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Hateful Stereotypes of Parakeets as Drug Dealers & Loan Sharks Must End https://t.co/IcUJCjeMzu
Wed Sep 27 23:15:35 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Time fer Ye to Walk the Plank, Matey
Wed Sep 27 21:56:25 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Sky Pirates Plaguing Missouri Must Be the Legislature's Top Priority
Wed Sep 27 21:55:38 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 hard to get anywhere when you keep turning right... — @martijaxn
Wed Sep 27 21:45:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 And now they will definitely not see Mars. — @harald387
Wed Sep 27 21:45:15 +0000 2017
"Pablo Escobird:" FBI Identifies Small Angry Parakeet Living in Tucson as Worldwide Cocaine Magnate
Wed Sep 27 20:49:12 +0000 2017
Trump's Delegation to Nazi Mars Reportedly Lost in Space
Wed Sep 27 20:28:50 +0000 2017
Patron Saint of Drive-By Shootings Blamed in Miraculous Assassination of Cardinal Opposed to Pope Francis on Grounds "She Is A Grizzly Bear"
Wed Sep 27 01:52:37 +0000 2017
Analysts: Soviet Venus Likely to Be "Largely Unaffected" by American Embargo, As It Is Over 100 Million Miles Away, & Shares No Trade Ties
Tue Sep 26 06:14:05 +0000 2017
"A Planet of Intolerant Warmongers:" Democrats Demand Embargo of Soviet Venus
Tue Sep 26 06:11:58 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Soviet Venus Declares War on Nazi Mars
Tue Sep 26 06:11:05 +0000 2017
OPINION: We Need to Give "Das Marsreich" A Chance
Mon Sep 25 22:42:22 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 AGAIN!? — @solotheloso
Mon Sep 25 22:39:12 +0000 2017
Trump Establishes Diplomatic Relations With Nazi Mars
Mon Sep 25 22:38:23 +0000 2017
Gruppenführer Hans Totenkopf: "It Was Actually Pretty Easy," "There Wasn't Really Anyone Here," "Heil Hitler, Lügenpresse Schweinhund!"
Mon Sep 25 22:37:53 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Nazis Conquer Mars
Mon Sep 25 22:34:28 +0000 2017
0 Ways to Sleep Soundly Tonight
Mon Sep 25 22:33:40 +0000 2017
10 Places You Thought Were Secure That Our Intrepid Reporters Have Already Infiltrated
Mon Sep 25 22:32:44 +0000 2017
5 Parts of the Human Body Most Sensitive to Physical Pain (You'll Never Go Out With #3 Uncovered Again)
Mon Sep 25 22:31:22 +0000 2017
7 Ways We'll Make You Talk
Mon Sep 25 22:29:33 +0000 2017
17 Reasons You Should Never Lie to Our Investigative Reporters
Mon Sep 25 22:29:22 +0000 2017
4 Things He Said Which He Foolishly Thought Would Buy Him Mercy
Mon Sep 25 22:28:21 +0000 2017
70 Things You'll Never Believe We Did To The Man Who Dared Besmirch Our Journalistic Integrity
Mon Sep 25 22:27:11 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Counterpoint: Nobody Knows the Troubles I've Seen — @tomscud
Mon Sep 25 22:24:44 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Not worried about how this is gonna conflict with the agenda of the Ten Years of Deathly Drought co-op? It was a BRUTAL fight last time. — @solotheloso
Mon Sep 25 21:24:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Poor Fools Claim They Would Do It All Again In A Heartbeat Anyway. Op/Ed: When Will They Learn? — @FXSPeteMurray
Mon Sep 25 19:35:53 +0000 2017
"Did You Really Think You'd Get Away With It," Say Experts
Mon Sep 25 19:24:51 +0000 2017
New Study Shows They Know, They All Know, & They've Known All Along
Mon Sep 25 19:23:49 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 EDITORIAL: Guys I Just Asked You To Agree On A Pizza For Dinner Do We Have To Do This Every Time? — @TBSkyen
Mon Sep 25 19:22:40 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Get Thee Gone, Filth, For Your False Prophet is Slain & Your Citadel Laid Bare; You Shall Find No Supremacy Upon This Earth
Mon Sep 25 19:21:22 +0000 2017
OPINION: Hearken to Me, Ye of the Court of Whispers; Sharpen Your Teeth & Ready Your Blades, For The Time of Our Ascendance of Nigh
Mon Sep 25 19:19:13 +0000 2017
His Suppurating Majesty Cyst-King Stephen of the New Jersey Biowaste Pits Dispatches Hundreds of Sludge Beasts to Assist in Hurricane Relief
Mon Sep 25 19:15:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 providing New Yorkers with the boon of constant alertness against the dangers of the hellscape is a blatant PR move, but a nice one — @Chirurgic
Mon Sep 25 17:19:09 +0000 2017
Newly Mechanized Squirrels Seen Breathing Steam & Clanking Through Ruins of New York at Night; "We Can No Longer Sleep," Say Locals
Mon Sep 25 17:14:01 +0000 2017
Florida Mom Explains Why You Should Always Debone Your Children
Mon Sep 25 17:09:23 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 define "virgin" — @joe_no_privacy
Mon Sep 25 07:15:48 +0000 2017
"It's A Great Council," "They've Got the Best Shadows:" Trump Refuses to Condemn Forbidden Lands Shadow Council's Edict of Unending Rain
Mon Sep 25 05:28:24 +0000 2017
Shadow Council's Rain Edict "Likely to Devastate" Agriculture, Infrastructure Worldwide, Analysts Warn
Mon Sep 25 05:18:59 +0000 2017
Forbidden Lands Shadow Council, Pressed For Comment, Weeps Until Their Tears Fill the Forlorn Pavilion, Wash Reporters Away to Sea
Mon Sep 25 05:17:50 +0000 2017
Rates of Seasonal Affective Disorder "Rising Worldwide," Analysts Report
Mon Sep 25 05:15:57 +0000 2017
Protesters Fill Muddy Streets to Demand Forbidden Lands Shadow Council Rescind Its Edict of One Thousand Days of Rain Upon the Earth
Mon Sep 25 05:15:19 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Their tourism slogan is "Tastier than the town that made thyme illegal!" — @Geek_Pride
Mon Sep 25 05:13:23 +0000 2017
Meet the Town that Made Time Illegal
Sun Sep 24 23:42:37 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Senate Majority Leader Pulls Handful After Handful of Glistening Beetles From Mouth
Sun Sep 24 20:09:35 +0000 2017
Senate Votes to Make Emerald Cockroach Wasp National Bird
Sun Sep 24 20:08:15 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 DISCLAIMER: Send Us Another Vial of Extra Virgin Olive Oil, We Fucking Dare You — @flare_director
Sun Sep 24 17:36:59 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Still a Virgin? We Buy Blood! Earn $100 Per Pint, or Up to $200 for the Specially Destined!
Sun Sep 24 06:55:48 +0000 2017
HOME IMPROVEMENT: Curse-Breaking Doesn't Have to be a Chore - This New Cantrip Makes Detecting Corpses Under the Floorboards Easy & Fun
Sun Sep 24 06:53:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Listen guys, I know it sounds adventurous and romantic, but I read the article and the Dread Legion is just a multi-level marketing scheme 🙁 — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Sep 23 19:27:47 +0000 2017
LIFESTYLE: 7 Fun Ways for You & the Kids to Placate the Wrathful Ghosts of Your Ancestors that Haunt the Family Burial-Pits
Sat Sep 23 07:28:24 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 But what's their record on marriage equality? All fine until you realise it's just the same neo-liberal corpse bees we've seen 100x before. — @Vorac1ty
Sat Sep 23 07:26:40 +0000 2017
Thus was slain my father - when I was but a child. Each day I train to one day reclaim my throne. https://t.co/2UDSm8Twyv — @JonBolds
Sat Sep 23 01:40:26 +0000 2017
This Swarm of Bees Inhabiting the Hollowed-Out Flesh of a Dead Man Has Some Unconventional Thoughts on Tort Reform
Sat Sep 23 00:58:51 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Nameless Corporation Spokesman Emits Burst of Sparks from Mouth, Collapses with Metallic Clatter
Fri Sep 22 22:05:58 +0000 2017
Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York Collecting Squirrels "By the Hundreds," Say Witnesses
Fri Sep 22 22:05:03 +0000 2017
TODAY IN HISTORY, 1989: Wayward Prince of the Sevenfold Legion Beheads the Prophet-King Abrazon, Ending the War of the Wandering Continent
Fri Sep 22 20:50:43 +0000 2017
it's only a dollar to help keep @ApprovedNews6 afloat! https://t.co/rkLw9H4sQi — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Sep 22 20:16:45 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: Look, the First Million Knives Was Cool and Edgy, But Another Million? What a Boring Way to Waste Tax Dollars — @joe_no_privacy
Fri Sep 22 18:48:58 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 You'll Never Guess That It's With Another Million Knives — @joe_no_privacy
Fri Sep 22 18:35:25 +0000 2017
Cc: @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/lLmAXSQSs5 — @BadExampleMan
Fri Sep 22 08:16:14 +0000 2017
Australia Okays Use of Bees in Non-Classifed Operations — @hail_ants_bot
Fri Sep 22 07:48:28 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 It has no great strength at sea; let us seek solace in our ancient ally, Aquaerobics — @Chirurgic
Fri Sep 22 06:39:08 +0000 2017
LIFESTYLE: Jazzercise is Back, and This Time, Our Weapons are Useless Against It
Fri Sep 22 05:30:41 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Our Hard-Hitting Journalism is Publicly Available to All at https://t.co/R7DYxlmd90
Thu Sep 21 22:02:33 +0000 2017
REMINDER: If All Viewers Pledged Just $1 a Month, Approved News 6 Would Easily Meet Its Fundraising Goals https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Thu Sep 21 22:01:45 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 you do you, champ! it's only impossible if you don't try! 👍🏼 — @martijaxn
Thu Sep 21 21:44:37 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 My lich-teacher always told me "don't dress for the arcane might you have, dress for the arcane might you WANT". Words to "live" by. — @solotheloso
Thu Sep 21 21:44:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I like the aesthetic of ritual cloaks as much as anyone, but I'm happy to skip the dry cleaning bill from wearing them all the time. — @andrewbstiles
Thu Sep 21 21:43:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Sure, blame millennials for asking hard questions about the ethical sourcing of their Sacred Chanting and Invocations vestments. — @SimeonTheFool
Thu Sep 21 21:43:30 +0000 2017
Most Millennials "Wear T-Shirts, Jeans" to Abjurations & Evokations, Study Reports, Reserving Cloaks for "The Darkest of Magicks"
Thu Sep 21 21:34:45 +0000 2017
New Study Claims Millennials Are Killing the Ritual Cloak Industry
Thu Sep 21 21:32:59 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: If Donald Trump Reclaims the Claw, the Great Golden Beast Shall Surely Wake
Thu Sep 21 21:32:09 +0000 2017
OPINION: It's Time to Make the Great Golden Beast A Cornerstone of Our Foreign Policy
Thu Sep 21 21:31:18 +0000 2017
Meet the Man Raising A Dread Legion to Besiege the Haunted Citadel of King Who Was, the King Who Is, & the King Who Shall Forever Be
Thu Sep 21 21:29:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 TRY NOT TO CRY: This Hierophant Spent 20 Years Raising His Dead God! What He Said When They Met Will Shock You... — @daigledopple
Thu Sep 21 21:27:31 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Ancient Severed Hand Unearthed Intact at Cincinnati Construction Site, Still Clutching Hawksblood Pendant
Thu Sep 21 21:21:29 +0000 2017
How the City of A Million Knives is Revitalizing Its Waterfront District After Ten Eons Beneath the Wrathful Edict of the Wailing Despoiler
Thu Sep 21 21:18:43 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 whoa, cia spokesman playing fast and loose with the "no comment" comment. i wouldn't no comment further... — @martijaxn
Thu Sep 21 21:16:51 +0000 2017
CIA Spokesman, Pressed on She Who Cannot Be Commented Upon: "No Comment"
Thu Sep 21 20:55:24 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I hope they don't put Him in a client-facing position - SOB can't quit yapping about his kid. — @uneasyspirit
Thu Sep 21 20:53:46 +0000 2017
Italian Court Sentences God to Twelve Eons of Community Service
Thu Sep 21 20:25:12 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Pledge Now to Preserve What Little May Yet Be Preserved https://t.co/KHkGIAcmfi https://t.co/ISZNK8PJnA — @ApprovedNews6
Thu Sep 21 18:12:42 +0000 2017
Chanting in Luxembourgish, GlaxoSmithKline CEO Strips Shirtless Before Reporters, Performs Dance of the Circling Egret
Thu Sep 21 18:05:09 +0000 2017
Tonight on Approved News 6: We Explore Trump's Complex Relationship With the Lost City of Xalabraddon
Wed Sep 20 21:20:55 +0000 2017
Trump Orders Airstrike on Lost City of Xalabraddon
Wed Sep 20 21:19:16 +0000 2017
"Nobody Knows," "If It's So Great Why'd They Lose It," "It's Not Even Real, You Know:" Trump Denies Having Found of Lost City of Xalabraddon
Wed Sep 20 21:17:14 +0000 2017
"I Know Where It Is," "Of Course I Know Where It Is," "I've Always Known Where It Is:" Trump Claims to Have Found Lost City of Xalabraddon
Wed Sep 20 21:08:08 +0000 2017
White House Source Characterizes Trump's Hitler Clones as "Moderating Influence" on President — @ApprovedNews6
Wed Sep 20 16:34:31 +0000 2017
White House Source Characterizes Trump's Hitler Clones as "Moderating Influence" on President
Wed Sep 20 10:47:43 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Pledge Now to Preserve What Little May Yet Be Preserved https://t.co/KHkGIAcmfi https://t.co/ISZNK8PJnA
Wed Sep 20 04:53:29 +0000 2017
D.C. Police Unveil Nation's First Combined Free Speech & Organ Harvesting Zone
Wed Sep 20 00:45:12 +0000 2017
Why Ted Cruz's Illegal Ghost Fetish Could Bring Down the Government of Peru
Tue Sep 19 20:02:53 +0000 2017
Newslord 7 Issues Urgent Reminder https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q https://t.co/RvHqiAtgNk — @ApprovedNews6
Tue Sep 19 16:22:33 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/AIIi33Wn9h — @President_Ark
Tue Sep 19 16:11:32 +0000 2017
Donald Trump grows into a Category 5 storm and makes landfall in the storm-battered Caribbean — @TwoHeadlines
Tue Sep 19 05:31:02 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/Rurd3LjCIv — @sorosmoney
Tue Sep 19 05:30:48 +0000 2017
Speaking to Press, You Remain Too Shaken by Revelation to Immediately Process Its Significance for Your Future
Tue Sep 19 01:51:39 +0000 2017
Forbidden Lands Shadow Council, Speaking Through Interpretative Dance, Expresses Hope You Can Forgive Your Father, Find Peace as Family
Tue Sep 19 01:47:59 +0000 2017
"I Still Love You, Son:" Your Long-Lost Father Apologizes for His Foolish Suspicion Your Beloved Husband Was an Agent of the Serpent King
Tue Sep 19 01:47:11 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment on Complaints, Forbidden Lands Shadow Councilor Reveals Self as Your Estranged Father, Long Ago Thought Lost at Sea
Tue Sep 19 01:33:53 +0000 2017
Nations Outraged: Forbidden Lands Shadow Council "Vastly Overstepping its Authority," Says EU Spokeswoman
Tue Sep 19 01:12:40 +0000 2017
Forbidden Lands Shadow Council Votes for One Thousand Days of Ceaseless Rain Upon the Earth
Tue Sep 19 01:10:43 +0000 2017
Analysts: Due to Longstanding Classification of Disembodied Organs as "Biologically Subhuman," McCarthy Appeal "On Shaky Legal Ground"
Mon Sep 18 22:55:51 +0000 2017
Rep. McCarthy's Detached Head Vows to Appeal
Mon Sep 18 22:54:53 +0000 2017
Rep. Kevin McCarthy's Detached Head "Cannot Continue to Hold House Seat," Court Rules
Mon Sep 18 22:54:04 +0000 2017
BREAKING: https://t.co/BuGm45Eza5
Mon Sep 18 21:56:31 +0000 2017
Newslord 7 Issues Urgent Reminder https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q https://t.co/RvHqiAtgNk
Mon Sep 18 21:54:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 the Shape has been selected as the new press secretary for the governor of New Jersey https://t.co/SZfEzcpKoE — @mcclure111
Mon Sep 18 21:36:46 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Come on now, that's WAY too presidential for Trump. — @harald387
Mon Sep 18 19:58:24 +0000 2017
TONIGHT AT 8: Plague-Bearer of the Sunken City to Debate She Who Throttles the Dawn on Fate of the Wandering Continent — Only on AN6
Mon Sep 18 19:17:56 +0000 2017
Asked for Statement, Trump Squats on Podium, Begins Gnawing on Severed Human Ear
Mon Sep 18 19:12:41 +0000 2017
Approached by Reporters, Schumer's Eyes Blacken as All Flowers in D.C. Simultaneously Wilt
Mon Sep 18 19:10:37 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Ryan Opens Mouth Wide to Reveal Gums Spiked With Jagged, Needle-Like Teeth
Mon Sep 18 19:07:31 +0000 2017
Schumer: Congressional Republicans "Will Contemplate Despair for the Totality of Their Verminous Existence"
Mon Sep 18 19:02:51 +0000 2017
Senate Democrats "Will Weep For Twelve Thousand Years," Says Ryan
Mon Sep 18 18:59:14 +0000 2017
Pressed on Loss of Cassini Probe, Saturn Spokesmoon Refuses to Comment
Sun Sep 17 10:37:43 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Why I Think You Should Bring It, But Doubt You Have The Courage To Face Me Like The Cowards You Are — @ShinNovaheart
Sun Sep 17 10:36:36 +0000 2017
4 Reasons You'll Have to Stop Running Eventually
Sun Sep 17 04:29:00 +0000 2017
Why We're Going to Hunt You Down Like a Dog
Sun Sep 17 04:28:18 +0000 2017
Oklahoma Man Sues for Right to be Ripped Limb from Limb by Jury in Embezzlement Case
Sun Sep 17 02:00:38 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Deity's defense hinges on notion that prophecy *cannot* be false: "It is the responsibility of believers to bring about predicted outcomes." — @tweetsthecreeps
Sat Sep 16 14:04:34 +0000 2017
@umacf24 @ApprovedNews6 It takes guts to rely on that defense. — @Esquiring
Fri Sep 15 20:32:44 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 GOD FRAUD? FLAWED: Defense Points Out "It's Called the Crimson Deceiver; What Were You Expecting?"; Cult's Blood-Prosecutor Stunned — @flare_director
Fri Sep 15 20:27:28 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Fake news. False prophecy WITHOUT ENTRAILS has not been a tort since passage of the Auguries Act. — @umacf24
Fri Sep 15 20:26:37 +0000 2017
RELATED: God of Lawyers Disbarred
Fri Sep 15 20:26:10 +0000 2017
GOD FRAUD: Cult of the Crimson Deceiver Sues Patron Deity for "Misrepresentations of Omnipotence," False Prophecy
Fri Sep 15 20:19:29 +0000 2017
Florida Man Sues State for Right to Livetweet Own Execution
Fri Sep 15 19:12:05 +0000 2017
Florida Man Sues State for Right to Livetweet Own Execution
Fri Sep 15 19:12:05 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 @NorWesternCrow Lawyer: "it was entirely pro boner, there was no misconfuckt" — @atonal440
Thu Sep 14 23:59:01 +0000 2017
Florentine Robot Republic Dispatches Ambassadroid to Washington
Thu Sep 14 20:39:43 +0000 2017
Speaking From Safehouse at Undisclosed Location, Approved News 6 Washington Bureau Chief Lambastes Sen. XL333012's "Contempt for the Press"
Thu Sep 14 20:38:25 +0000 2017
Massachusetts Tissue Recycling Initiative Hits Regulatory Snag Due to "And The Unworthy Shall Perish Astride the Threshold" Act of 1972
Thu Sep 14 20:37:05 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Sen. XL333012 Obliterates Approved News 6 Washington Offices With Cruise Missile
Thu Sep 14 20:35:51 +0000 2017
Analysts: Trump's Move on Florentine Robot Republic Could be Attempt to Secure Backing, Air Support from Sen. XL333012 (R-FL)
Thu Sep 14 20:34:58 +0000 2017
Trump Defies International Consensus, Orders State Department to Officially Recognize Florentine Robot Republic
Thu Sep 14 20:33:37 +0000 2017
Centrism Is Bigger Than Donald Trump — @thinkpiecebot
Thu Sep 14 20:28:29 +0000 2017
Interior Sexcretary of the Erotican Repubic Fingered in Tits-for-Ass Skindal
Thu Sep 14 20:06:03 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Sick and tired of the Eternal Sleepers thinking they can dictate my meta-psychological states. — @solotheloso
Thu Sep 14 18:13:57 +0000 2017
Why Being Woke Could Soon Be Illegal
Thu Sep 14 18:05:57 +0000 2017
Wandering Crone of the Impossible Desert Announces New Round of Venture Capital Funding
Thu Sep 14 17:53:38 +0000 2017
New Poll Shows Trump's Support Diminishing Among the Lurking Class
Thu Sep 14 15:57:48 +0000 2017
"The Moon Shall Boil, the Sun Shall Rot in the Sky, & the Great Golden Beast Shall Stir:" Bone Oracles "Bearish" on $AAPL
Thu Sep 14 02:33:53 +0000 2017
"He's Got Good Teeth:" Trump Weighs in to Defend Ted Cruz
Wed Sep 13 23:01:26 +0000 2017
What the Hell Is Going to Happen — @HeadlineSmasher
Wed Sep 13 06:11:28 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 THEYRE COMING FOR THE NEWS ORB https://t.co/J6rZOfpfW8 — @AndrewNCassidy
Wed Sep 13 02:29:14 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Yeah, Well Fuck YOU, Man
Wed Sep 13 01:59:06 +0000 2017
OPINION: Fuck Millennials
Wed Sep 13 01:58:47 +0000 2017
Under Cruz's "American Jobs Act," Mutants, Hooligan Classes, & "The Biologically Subhuman" Would Become Eligible for Summary Enslavement
Tue Sep 12 23:57:06 +0000 2017
Democrats: Cruz Bill "Blatant Attempt" to Distract From Cuck Porn Scandal; "Rest Assured, We Will Not Lose Our Focus"
Tue Sep 12 23:49:36 +0000 2017
Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) Proposes Bill to Re-Institute Slavery
Tue Sep 12 23:48:54 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment on Shadow Conspiracy, Forbidden Lands Shadow Council Unveils Somber Monument to Fleetness of Joy, Persistence of Memory
Tue Sep 12 19:43:49 +0000 2017
OPINION: Why She Who Throttles the Dawn Must Relinquish the Adamant Saber of the Never-Prince
Tue Sep 12 19:39:49 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Good! Until the -1% acquiesce, the manifold should remain stymied. — @solotheloso
Tue Sep 12 18:39:18 +0000 2017
Exalted Architect of the Beneficent Manifold Refuses to Speak to Press, Directs All Questions to Sacred Office of the Perilous Truth
Tue Sep 12 18:39:10 +0000 2017
Protesters Besiege the Beneficent Manifold
Tue Sep 12 18:35:38 +0000 2017
Forbidden Lands Shadow Operative Arrested in Connection with "Nearly Successful" Plot to Collect the Anguished Tears of Seven Heads of State
Tue Sep 12 17:29:59 +0000 2017
Vatican Spokesman Recommends Faithful Perform All Prayers in Ecclesiastical Latin Until Further Notice to Avoid Interruption of Service
Tue Sep 12 17:24:18 +0000 2017
BREAKING: In Unprecedented Move, Vatican To Roll God Back to Previous Version Due to "Fundamental Flaws" in Recent Upgrade
Tue Sep 12 17:22:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/ah9aGgSW8D — @chas_lovett
Tue Sep 12 17:07:39 +0000 2017
Wyoming's Annual Festival of the Heavenly Corpse Canceled Due to Inclement Weather
Tue Sep 12 01:52:51 +0000 2017
hey, my girlfriend is significantly struggling right now. stuff like @ApprovedNews6 pays her bills rn: please help us. https://t.co/f0CFAr1bpC — @alfiepates
Mon Sep 11 18:30:07 +0000 2017
there are thousands of you who read and evidently enjoy my work. please think about what that's worth to you. thank you. — @velartrill
Mon Sep 11 16:03:21 +0000 2017
and at @substation77 (https://t.co/3Fa97Dansn) — @velartrill
Mon Sep 11 16:03:18 +0000 2017
you can find my work (all of it) online, for free, at https://t.co/QlLbGKyLM7; at @ApprovedNews6 (https://t.co/I6sdBt7jT1); — @velartrill
Mon Sep 11 16:03:10 +0000 2017
still around is incredibly generous donations from a few close friends. I want to make this work. but I can't do it on my own. — @velartrill
Mon Sep 11 16:03:08 +0000 2017
with my food benefits being slashed, I no longer can afford everything I need to. my savings are lower every month, and the only reason I'm — @velartrill
Mon Sep 11 16:03:06 +0000 2017
streams pretty soon, and I don't know what that will mean for my work. I am bringing in the absolute bare minimum I need to survive, and — @velartrill
Mon Sep 11 16:03:04 +0000 2017
if you don't (and yes, I mean you; nobody else is going to step up in your place) I'm going to have to start looking for alternate revenue — @velartrill
Mon Sep 11 16:03:00 +0000 2017
so if you enjoy my work (and if you don't, why the hell are you following me?) please, take 5 minutes to pledge a dollar on patreon. — @velartrill
Mon Sep 11 16:02:57 +0000 2017
be able to do this on my own terms. but I can't keep doing it at the rate I'm being compensated. — @velartrill
Mon Sep 11 16:02:55 +0000 2017
control by mainstream publications, and I don't want to hide my work behind a paywall so only people with money can see it. I just want to — @velartrill
Mon Sep 11 16:02:54 +0000 2017
all I want to do with my life is create art, to tell stories. I don't want to make money, I don't want to have to submit to editorial — @velartrill
Mon Sep 11 16:02:52 +0000 2017
hey reminder that I literally can't survive without your monthly contributions https://t.co/76qHXTXxht — @velartrill
Mon Sep 11 16:02:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Erotican Repubic Clams Respoonsibiltity For Extended Act Of News Terrorgasm, CNN Reveals Own Inferiortity To Cumfused Viewers https://t.co/pcvJcxuZRt — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Sep 11 00:32:10 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Nothing beats local-grown, though. — @theredlongitude
Sun Sep 10 17:59:34 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/eSdpsewuVJ — @rhoark
Sun Sep 10 17:58:50 +0000 2017
CEOs Petition GOP to Take Softer Stance on Immigration, Citing Immigrants' "Valuable Organs"
Sun Sep 10 07:21:49 +0000 2017
OPINION: Trump's Border Wall is a Costly Mistake — Immigrants Are Delicious
Sun Sep 10 07:19:52 +0000 2017
Trump "Can No Longer Step Outside" Without Being "Immediately Mauled" by "Hundreds of Sledgehogs:" Inside Source
Sun Sep 10 05:38:21 +0000 2017
Five Ways to Spice Up Your Funeral Using Lost Nazi Super-Science
Sat Sep 09 17:05:54 +0000 2017
"Teleportation is a Sin:" Paul Ryan Takes Conservative Stance on Morality
Sat Sep 09 03:47:43 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Florida Man's Hurricane Seen to Drift Inland, Tear Open Earth's Crust, Propel Lava and Rocks Skyward In World's First Known Hurricano — @flare_director
Sat Sep 09 02:24:45 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment on Unusually Loud Noises Coming from Whispering Woods, Fairy Queen, Who Does Not Exist, Places Belching Hex on Reporter
Sat Sep 09 00:26:08 +0000 2017
High on Crawfish & Kerosene, Florida Man Causes Hurricane
Sat Sep 09 00:24:55 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/FkuvJtqcbJ — @CharlesFLehman
Fri Sep 08 22:14:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 STUDY: https://t.co/5BkSFBpujK — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Sep 08 21:16:35 +0000 2017
EXPOSÉ: The KGB Called it "Vozdukh" — And These Days, It's Everywhere
Fri Sep 08 16:08:19 +0000 2017
This happens all the time, you just gotta give it a bit of the old one-two and then hit it with the thing - no, the other thing - and bang https://t.co/H0UO5pAXNU — @rhcm123
Fri Sep 08 04:59:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/RwTIczJWD3 — @jleedev
Fri Sep 08 01:15:51 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/69kKFk0IcZ — @_HaikusGoddess
Fri Sep 08 00:44:28 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Pope Francis Roars Ferociously, Mauls Reporters for Approaching Her Cubs
Fri Sep 08 00:23:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OK, this is fake news. I submitted a bug report along with proposed fixes last month. In return I was excommunicated — @surly_squirrel
Fri Sep 08 00:23:26 +0000 2017
Vatican Spokesman: God "Taken Back Offline" Until Issues Can Be Resolved; "We Apologize for the Inconvenience"
Fri Sep 08 00:22:53 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 so, fewer than last year — @surly_squirrel
Fri Sep 08 00:22:05 +0000 2017
Vatican Takes Responsibility for Spate of Apparent Smitings, Blaming "Untested" Updates to God
Fri Sep 08 00:21:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 thank god. er, uhh, I mean HAIL THE ORB — @joe_no_privacy
Fri Sep 08 00:21:10 +0000 2017
Thousands of Cases of Bubonic Plague, Spanish Flu Reported in Florida
Fri Sep 08 00:20:38 +0000 2017
Wisconsin Sinks, Again
Fri Sep 08 00:18:20 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 As a firstborn, FAKE NEWS — @particle_p
Fri Sep 08 00:17:38 +0000 2017
New Jersey Turned to Salt; Film at 11
Fri Sep 08 00:17:32 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Firstborn Sons Dying En Masse Nationwide
Fri Sep 08 00:16:31 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Locusts Everywhere
Fri Sep 08 00:15:25 +0000 2017
"Freedom from Freedom is the Most Important Freedom of All:" Senate Republicans Outline Legislative Agenda
Thu Sep 07 20:38:45 +0000 2017
Pressed on Hurricane Aid Bill, Sen. Pelosi (D-CA) Strangles Reporters With Own Shadow
Thu Sep 07 19:11:33 +0000 2017
Forbidden Lands Shadow Council, Charles J. Bloodhorn, Many Bone Sorceresses Supreme, & Fairy Queen, Who Does Not Exist, Reportedly Invited
Thu Sep 07 18:23:28 +0000 2017
Wise Witch of the Whispering Woods to Chair Mysterious Conference Upon the Somber Apex
Thu Sep 07 18:19:46 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 EUTHANASIA 👏 IS 👏 NOT 👏 MURDER — @Chirurgic
Thu Sep 07 18:18:07 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I would like to point out that I was not asked to comment on this blatant hit piece and any "quotes" from me are outright fabrications — @Chirurgic
Thu Sep 07 18:18:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I am not comforted by this. — @ladyjax
Thu Sep 07 17:57:53 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The Man or the World? — @jjm6501
Thu Sep 07 17:57:49 +0000 2017
Meet the Man Who's Going to Murder the World — It's Not the One You Think!
Thu Sep 07 17:50:33 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 You don't want to see what *those* munchies look like, man. It's a bad, BAD trip. — @EugeneIpavec
Thu Sep 07 10:26:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I really hope they don't provoke the asteroid weasels, I can't deal with that again. — @PithyOrNot
Thu Sep 07 03:16:43 +0000 2017
Scientists Report "Thriving Beaver Civilization" Discovered on Dark Side of Moon
Thu Sep 07 03:06:46 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Woman in Red Cloak & Oaken Crown Leads Army to Liberate Colorado Forced Labor Zone
Thu Sep 07 02:51:14 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, White House Press Secretary Sanders Retreats From Podium, Humming Hymn of the Sightless Worms
Thu Sep 07 02:49:28 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Mar-a-Lago Destroyed in 2017's First Dread Cube Restructuring Event
Thu Sep 07 02:48:00 +0000 2017
Maine Forced Labor Zone Director Kathryn Delauncey: New Policy Necessary to End "Widespread Abuse" of Food
Thu Sep 07 02:41:20 +0000 2017
Maine Forced Labor Zone: Beginning October, Food Will No Longer be Available Without a Prescription
Thu Sep 07 02:40:05 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 It's cuz of the dang debt ceiling, innit — @icuslidge
Wed Sep 06 21:16:55 +0000 2017
OPINION: Why the Dawn-Sparrow of the Farthest North Must Now Heed the Edict of the Empty Earth
Wed Sep 06 21:03:27 +0000 2017
Batches of Cursed Marijuana Lead to Mass Recall After Colorado Legislature Angers the Fae
Wed Sep 06 20:10:34 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Reach the promised land in under 3 hours! — @AndrewNCassidy
Wed Sep 06 20:09:31 +0000 2017
What Mormonism Can Teach Us About Scramjet Design
Wed Sep 06 19:32:51 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: "Humanly" Possible is an Unnecessary Limitation. The Machines Can Do It Much Faster if Only We Unleash Their Creative Energies — @3fingeredfox
Wed Sep 06 19:00:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I watched it but it was just howling. I guess I expected... I dunno? Subtitles? — @EugeneIpavec
Wed Sep 06 17:16:52 +0000 2017
In my experience, "Champions of Light" typically already worship a certain deity who has no respect for privacy, so I got no sympathy here. https://t.co/ASSUXAoRTs — @cg_marcato
Wed Sep 06 17:16:28 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINIONS FOR THE OPINION SACRIFICIAL PIT https://t.co/0Lbl8Ic3wp — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Sep 06 17:14:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: No You Tit, When I Signed Off On This Plan I Didn't Think You'd Start With Seattle — @ha_aright
Wed Sep 06 05:11:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Why not both? — @neil_pettifer
Wed Sep 06 05:05:37 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: We Need to Engineer a Global Pandemic at the Earliest Possible Opportunity
Wed Sep 06 04:52:00 +0000 2017
OPINION: We Need to Suffocate All Life On Earth Beneath a Hellish Shroud of Smoke and Radiation as Soon as Humanly Possible
Wed Sep 06 04:49:46 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Morthagar Dismisses Privacy Activists' Concerns, Pulls Lever Depositing Reporters Into Shark Tank
Wed Sep 06 04:47:28 +0000 2017
Critics: Fatesbook Would Give CEO Morthagar the Butcher, Dark Lord of the Iberian Peninsula, Personal Information of Many Champions of Light
Wed Sep 06 04:38:35 +0000 2017
CEO Morthagar the Butcher: Fatesbook Expected to "Dramatically Improve" Prophecy Fulfillment by 2019
Wed Sep 06 04:36:45 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 It’s the threat of bone rationing that scares me the most. — @drockney
Wed Sep 06 04:33:55 +0000 2017
New Startup "Fatesbook" Seeks to Link Those Chosen of Destiny with Relevant Prophecies, Followers
Wed Sep 06 04:32:56 +0000 2017
Future of the Free World in Doubt as Russian Bone Magic Grows in Strength https://t.co/Fg6TYfhAYl
Wed Sep 06 04:24:33 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment on Oregon Fires, Trump Encourages Residents to "Stop, Drop, & Roll"
Wed Sep 06 04:21:44 +0000 2017
Oregon On Fire
Wed Sep 06 04:18:43 +0000 2017
White House: Trump Has Taken On "Man With Spider For Head" as "Spiritual Advisor"
Wed Sep 06 04:02:58 +0000 2017
@joe_no_privacy @ApprovedNews6 Letter to Editor re: LOUSY PEACENIKS — @oh_chenry
Tue Sep 05 06:31:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 as someone deathly afraid of stairs both static & powered, i, too, am angry about his rhetoric — @NorWesternCrow
Tue Sep 05 06:31:18 +0000 2017
Trump's Speech Before the Mechanized Nobility of the Electric Empire Criticized for "Escalatory Rhetoric"
Tue Sep 05 06:23:56 +0000 2017
"Socialist USA" Blueprint to Be PS3-Exclusive — @HeadlineSmasher
Tue Sep 05 06:12:49 +0000 2017
Getting Married? Just Buy Someone Else's Kids — @HeadlineSmasher
Mon Sep 04 22:11:41 +0000 2017
Experts: "Oh, Get A Room, You Two"
Mon Sep 04 16:19:59 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OP-ED: Don't Call Me "Buddy," Pal — @derwolfanwalt
Mon Sep 04 16:19:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OP-ED: Please, Can't We All Just Get Along? — @joe_no_privacy
Mon Sep 04 16:16:41 +0000 2017
@TBSkyen @ApprovedNews6 OPINION: Take it outside, yous two — @TallorDaniels
Mon Sep 04 16:14:59 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: Yeah You And What Army, Buddy? — @TBSkyen
Mon Sep 04 16:13:31 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Bring It On, Buddy
Mon Sep 04 16:11:06 +0000 2017
OPINION: I'm Gonna Fuck You Up, Pal
Mon Sep 04 16:10:25 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/IXixI4pUmT — @shurimon
Mon Sep 04 15:59:36 +0000 2017
Newslords: "Yes" https://t.co/9tzEqCvOK5
Mon Sep 04 05:53:48 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 pfft, another fluff piece? what, couldn't find another cat that walked 500 miles home after their owners moved? — @martijaxn
Mon Sep 04 05:52:58 +0000 2017
What Does the Howler in the Chasm Think of the Chittering Accords? Tune in Tomorrow Night at 8/7c to Find Out!
Mon Sep 04 04:49:51 +0000 2017
EXCLUSIVE: We Interview the Great Liar of the Invisible Mountain — Only on Approved News 6
Sun Sep 03 23:13:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Huh... OK, so it looks like #4 is an airtight refutation of Russell's Paradox. I suddenly have a really bad headache. — @EugeneIpavec
Sun Sep 03 20:08:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The Whispering Presence needs to take a long, hard look at itself in the mirror and do some serious thinking about its life choices — @EugeneIpavec
Sun Sep 03 20:07:57 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 "4)The sanguine call of the Ceaseless Void was deregulated before the 2010 Wraith Crisis. Reintroduction of them was blocked by the Senate." — @shardsambit
Sun Sep 03 17:49:50 +0000 2017
7 Reasons You Won't Believe #4
Sun Sep 03 17:49:38 +0000 2017
5 Reasons Trump Will be Subsumed by the Whispering Presence
Sun Sep 03 17:27:38 +0000 2017
BREAKING: https://t.co/1rTCrBsprp
Sat Sep 02 23:58:45 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 See, and they thought that the elites would have the restraint to not abuse this sort of power when this was enacted. Jokes on all of us now — @dyslexxicon
Sat Sep 02 21:59:54 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Epson CEO Forcibly Exorcized from Reporter by Emergency Court Order
Sat Sep 02 21:57:42 +0000 2017
"And The Unworthy Shall Perish Astride the Threshold" Act of 1972, Which Bestowed Powers of Possession, Prophecy on CEOs, Blamed in Incident
Sat Sep 02 21:56:16 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Epson CEO Bodily Possesses Reporter, Attempts to Flee FBI Custody
Sat Sep 02 21:49:06 +0000 2017
FBI: In Addition to Civil Action by Zelevar the Deceiver, Epson Executives May Face Criminal Charges of Conspiracy, Unlicensed Bone-Sorcery
Sat Sep 02 21:38:41 +0000 2017
@ikirker @ApprovedNews6 @EugeneIpavec It's in a bit of a grey area, but the Faceless Dancers that inhabit all grey areas are ok with it, and the IRS won't disagree with them. — @PithyOrNot
Sat Sep 02 21:36:19 +0000 2017
Forensic Sorcerers Warn Epson Mind-Control Ritual Could Have Led to "Catastrophic" Violation of Sherman Antitrust Act
Sat Sep 02 21:35:52 +0000 2017
FBI: Epson "Failed to License" Rights to Publicly Perform Epic Mind-Control Ritual from Arch-Warlock Zelevar the Deceiver
Sat Sep 02 21:33:45 +0000 2017
FBI Halts Epic Mind-Control Ritual by Epson Executives Over Intellectual Property Concerns
Sat Sep 02 21:31:55 +0000 2017
@EugeneIpavec @ApprovedNews6 Okay, but am I allowed to claim the daemon as a dependent for tax purposes? — @ikirker
Sat Sep 02 21:30:44 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 ... And *really* nice, pointy teeth! — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Sep 02 17:35:35 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 You get a healhy sulphurous glow, increased flexibility, an encyclopedic knowledge of the more embarassing parts of the Bible... — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Sep 02 17:35:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I don't understand why the FDA insists on classifying daemonic indwelling as an "unwanted side effect." It's a fringe benefit! — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Sep 02 17:35:27 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/KPSm0MaY0T — @shurimon
Fri Sep 01 23:22:54 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 #EroticanCuisine https://t.co/LyTtONglSZ — @tweetsthecreeps
Fri Sep 01 19:38:57 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/tBHC2I69rP — @chas_lovett
Thu Aug 31 20:01:32 +0000 2017
HEALTH: FDA Halts Trials of Mephitidine Due to High Rates of Daemonic Indwelling, Blood-Madness
Thu Aug 31 20:01:07 +0000 2017
Experts: "Who Are You And What Have You Done With the Mayor "
Thu Aug 31 15:02:45 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Commentary: It Happened, Now Get Over It and Get Back to Work — @InfernoSilver
Thu Aug 31 15:01:41 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: https://t.co/pYd8k4avYQ — @NorWesternCrow
Thu Aug 31 06:20:47 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Who Can Say Whether It Did Or Did Not Happen
Thu Aug 31 05:09:34 +0000 2017
OPINION: It Did Not Happen
Thu Aug 31 05:09:15 +0000 2017
@FXSPeteMurray @zacaj_ @ApprovedNews6 Blog: the 5 reasons why it happened, the last one is unbelieveable! — @timkrief
Thu Aug 31 05:08:47 +0000 2017
@zacaj_ @ApprovedNews6 Comment Section: Well, Actually — @FXSPeteMurray
Thu Aug 31 05:08:38 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Editorial: I Told You That Would Happen — @FXSPeteMurray
Thu Aug 31 01:56:23 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Seven Reasons Why It Was Always Inevitable https://t.co/PyAYmMj4U3 — @EugeneIpavec
Thu Aug 31 01:51:14 +0000 2017
BREAKING: It Happens
Thu Aug 31 01:42:57 +0000 2017
5 Reasons It'll Never Happen
Thu Aug 31 01:42:39 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, NRA Spokesman Opens Fire
Thu Aug 31 00:19:51 +0000 2017
"Bullets Need to Be Made as Safe As Possible," Say Activists
Thu Aug 31 00:18:36 +0000 2017
Liberal Groups Urge Senate to Ban Use of Lead in Manufacture of Bullets to Protect Gunshot Victims from Neurotoxicity
Thu Aug 31 00:18:15 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 "2. Write your complaint on a Post-It you brought from home, then quietly fold it twice and swallow it whole." — @TimProbable
Thu Aug 31 00:11:46 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/s2mtbrgc03 — @shurimon
Wed Aug 30 17:13:20 +0000 2017
READ NOW: Five Fun Ways to Protest Without Risking the Status Quo
Wed Aug 30 09:07:59 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: That's Pretty Reasonable
Wed Aug 30 09:02:41 +0000 2017
OPINION: I'm Not A Nazi, I Just Want to Eliminate All Untermenschen & Form a White Ethnostate For the Glory of the Aryan Race
Wed Aug 30 08:57:32 +0000 2017
ACLU Hails "Great Victory for Freedom of Expression," And Also Hitler
Wed Aug 30 08:46:21 +0000 2017
Supreme Court Rules 5-4 Dark Spells Devised by Ahnenerbe Sorcerers During Holocaust Protected by First Amendment
Wed Aug 30 08:43:01 +0000 2017
Enormous Cockroach Covered in Hundreds of Swastikas Calls for "Free Speech Rally" in Historically Black Neighborhoods
Wed Aug 30 08:28:51 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Pics or it didn't happen. — @ladyjax
Tue Aug 29 21:17:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 [SPONSORED] https://t.co/dmjVqaK2Sd — @NorWesternCrow
Tue Aug 29 21:17:25 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/18nlfA5vrh — @NorWesternCrow
Tue Aug 29 21:17:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/QLjE3hxpkS — @NorWesternCrow
Tue Aug 29 21:17:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: "Death to the Source," As Office of Public Desecrator Attempts To Locate, Silence Internal Leaks — @EugeneIpavec
Tue Aug 29 09:35:03 +0000 2017
Press Secretary Sanders: "There's a Door, You Know;" "There's a Door and It's About To Open," "It's About to Open Wide"
Tue Aug 29 00:07:42 +0000 2017
EDITORIAL: The Real Reason Trump's Secretary of Bullshit Just Won't Stop Yodeling
Sun Aug 27 01:13:49 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Bo-ring. 💥 — @GeorgeWHerbert
Sat Aug 26 23:42:27 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 the answer is clearly *befriend them*🌵💚 — @shardsambit
Sat Aug 26 23:07:15 +0000 2017
GARDENING: 7 Easy Ways to Get Rid of a Minnesota Scuttling Cactus Infestation Without Dynamite
Sat Aug 26 22:21:34 +0000 2017
"Aeterniter per Gloriam atque Potentiam:" Sister Vindicta Issues Statement on New Alliance, Publicly Beheads Dozens of Traitors
Sat Aug 26 19:18:32 +0000 2017
People's Republic of Missouri Declares Independence from United States, Signs Formal Alliance with Blood-Soaked Maidens of the Cold Sword
Sat Aug 26 19:01:33 +0000 2017
"Death to the Desecrator," Say Sources
Sat Aug 26 17:57:25 +0000 2017
Experts: "No Mercy"
Sat Aug 26 17:57:10 +0000 2017
Erotican Repubic Recalls Clambassador to Fuckoslovakia, Signaling End of Dickplomatic Relations
Sat Aug 26 15:59:44 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The Dimensional Patrol could have nipped this whole thing in the bud if they had just put a spike strip on the Einstein-Rosen bridge. — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Aug 26 00:42:54 +0000 2017
Pressed on Consitutionality of Arpaio Pardon, Trump, Advisors Laugh Heartily for Ten Minutes
Sat Aug 26 00:26:38 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Trump Pardons Arpaio
Sat Aug 26 00:25:40 +0000 2017
"In Retrospect, We Probably Shouldn't Have Given Them All Those Tanks:" Attorney-General in Exile Laments "Mistakes" Made in Sting
Fri Aug 25 23:01:31 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Attempt by Police to Entrap Violent Revolutionaries in Missouri Leads to Successful Overthrow of Missouri State Government
Fri Aug 25 23:00:20 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 castro was 💯 an invention of the CIA — @jleedev
Fri Aug 25 22:59:03 +0000 2017
High on Barbiturates & Cud, Florida Man Leads Police on Ten-Hour Chase Through Seven-Dimensional Space
Fri Aug 25 22:50:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/6ZYdxG0w9b — @TopherGrey
Fri Aug 25 22:44:09 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Who? — @Alititianized
Fri Aug 25 22:44:02 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Who? — @Alititianized
Fri Aug 25 22:44:02 +0000 2017
Citing Fidel Castro as Precedent, Study Posits Clinton "Mass Projection" of "Society's Collective Unconscious"
Fri Aug 25 22:42:41 +0000 2017
Shocking New Study Posits Hillary Rodham Clinton "May Never Have Existed"
Fri Aug 25 22:41:52 +0000 2017
Attn: @ApprovedNews6 is this bone heresy? Are you all on this story? https://t.co/G3nuUc1WTc — @substitute
Fri Aug 25 19:09:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 WHAT THE HELL BIEBER IS CANADIAN — @EugeneIpavec
Fri Aug 25 17:55:05 +0000 2017
TODAY IN HISTORY, 2046: President Bieber of the Irradiated States of America Rides Swamp Beast Into Battle Against Forces of Soviet Idaho
Thu Aug 24 21:35:49 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Eff yeah! Those bastards in the manifold have been bogarting all the beneficence long enough! Let's see 'em harrowed the fuck out of there! — @EugeneIpavec
Wed Aug 23 18:52:08 +0000 2017
UN: Trump Violating Convention on Rights of the Fateless
Tue Aug 22 22:05:44 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 This is an obvious punitive action for his ridiculous and aggressive lunar policy. He's lucky to not be under the Atrous Curse by now. — @MonsieurLongIII
Tue Aug 22 16:52:24 +0000 2017
ETERNAL ECLIPSE: Sources Close to President Report Trump "Has Barricaded Himself In Office," "Chanting Spells Against Moon"
Tue Aug 22 16:01:51 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, NASA Official Lets Out Low Moan, Rises Slowly Into Sky, Eyes Emitting Eerie White Light
Tue Aug 22 16:00:27 +0000 2017
Astronomers Baffled as Vast Swathe of United States Remains Darkened by "Unending Eclipse"
Tue Aug 22 15:59:28 +0000 2017
Why We're Psyched for the Harrowing of the Beneficent Manifold
Tue Aug 22 15:44:18 +0000 2017
Citing Ketamine Abuse, DEA Urges Heart Surgeons to Replace General Anaesthesia with Tylenol, Acupuncture
Tue Aug 22 03:44:02 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 finally — @zacaj_
Mon Aug 21 19:40:55 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Moon Halts In Orbit, Plunging Swathes of America Into Eternal Darkness
Mon Aug 21 19:39:41 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 #4: You Are Weak — @EugeneIpavec
Mon Aug 21 10:56:22 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Opponents against Box Jellyfish venom argue over being too inefficient in producing the quota for death screams set by the state — @ShinNovaheart
Sun Aug 20 19:28:16 +0000 2017
"We Want Them To Scream A Little:" Alabama to Begin Using Box Jellyfish Venom in Lethal Injection
Sun Aug 20 00:46:33 +0000 2017
Your Efforts "Laughably Futile," All Reputable Experts Confirm
Sat Aug 19 23:40:42 +0000 2017
7 Reasons You'll Never Win
Sat Aug 19 23:40:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: An obvious web of lies. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Sat Aug 19 21:08:12 +0000 2017
Vermont Dreadlord Seraphina Sturmholz Derides Predecessor as "Populist Panderer," Pronounces Seven Fell Curses Against Blitzenreich
Sat Aug 19 20:13:51 +0000 2017
Seeking to Reclaim the Wailing Throne, Ex-Vermont Dreadlord Theodore Blitzenreich Makes Overtures to Alt-Wight
Sat Aug 19 20:12:33 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The constitution gives us the right to arms, specifically 8 arms — @AndrewNCassidy
Sat Aug 19 18:23:58 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 40-SOMETHING LIVING WITH PARENTS: “Spiders are servants of the omnibenevolent squid illuminati!” — @MonsieurLongIII
Sat Aug 19 18:05:37 +0000 2017
EDITORIAL: In Defense of Arachno-Capitalism
Sat Aug 19 17:49:03 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 So, you know, just to check, did they mention why? Just...just checking for curiosity's sake. — @TopherGrey
Sat Aug 19 16:20:39 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Heaven 2.0 is just a repackaging of the volunteer work of the Free Afterlife Foundation. You can go there right now and skip the marketing. — @suetanvil
Sat Aug 19 16:20:34 +0000 2017
Casio Issues Voluntary Recall on Thousands of Synthetic Souls
Sat Aug 19 06:53:26 +0000 2017
Will "Heaven 2.0" Fare Better than Microsoft Hell, or Meet the Same Fate? We Ask the Experts
Sat Aug 19 06:52:25 +0000 2017
International Afterlife Consortium Spokesgod: "Heaven 2.0" to Feature "Quick Commute" to Earth, Moon; Free Internet Access
Sat Aug 19 06:48:55 +0000 2017
Dimensional Engineers Warn Open-Source Afterlives May Lead to "Uncontrolled Proliferation," "Strain" on Local Conceptual Space
Sat Aug 19 06:47:10 +0000 2017
14 Creator Deities Form Consortium to Design "Open-Source Replacement" for the Distant Heavens That Once Were
Sat Aug 19 06:46:04 +0000 2017
CAREER: 7 Quick (And Almost Bloodless!) Rituals to Help You Get Ahead in Finance
Sat Aug 19 04:06:44 +0000 2017
BREAKING: He of the Thousand Luminous Forms Arrested on Immigration Charges
Fri Aug 18 22:56:32 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: View Other Approved Media Productions at https://t.co/H6DvrcEu74
Fri Aug 18 00:19:41 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/v39hFVRiyb — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Aug 18 00:12:18 +0000 2017
He of the Thousand Luminous Forms Arrives in New York on Book Tour
Thu Aug 17 20:34:18 +0000 2017
EXCLUSIVE: We Interview the Leader of America's Most Powerful Hug Cartel
Thu Aug 17 20:29:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Youth with FREE HUGS sign charged under Interstate Commerce Act. — @jleedev
Thu Aug 17 19:01:50 +0000 2017
Are Millennials Buying Hugs on the Dark Web?
Thu Aug 17 18:26:52 +0000 2017
@approvednews6 is leaking https://t.co/dyQgFPT7UZ — @katrus
Thu Aug 17 07:48:46 +0000 2017
4 Reasons We Have Changed Our Identities & Are Fleeing For Our Lives
Tue Aug 15 21:50:45 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I remember her! Good old Eddie. If it works, tell her to come around, I think I owe her a pint. — @ratoslov
Tue Aug 15 19:51:41 +0000 2017
SOCIETY: Blood-Soaked Maidens of the Cold Sword Gather at the Spiteful Catacombs to Pray for Resurrection of St. Edna the Impaler
Tue Aug 15 19:35:44 +0000 2017
Lord Malefice the Worm-Hearted, Bastard Son of the Great Connecticut Aberration, Withdraws from Trump's Business Council, Citing "Extremism"
Tue Aug 15 19:29:48 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Duskmaker: "Ah, Crap, This Guy Again? Jeff, You're Killin' Me Here. I Don't--Can Someone Tell Him I Don't Really Like Him? Jeez. It's--Ugh." — @flare_director
Tue Aug 15 05:07:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 we, the remaining undead of Alabama, are familiar with The Duskmaster's whims and look to our own ranks, not for prophecy, but for passion. — @martijaxn
Tue Aug 15 05:07:23 +0000 2017
Pressed on Conflicts of Interest, Sessions Brandishes White-Hot Brand, Eyes Blank & Empty
Tue Aug 15 04:42:42 +0000 2017
Attorney General Jeff Sessions: "I Have Gazed Into the Single Crimson Eye of the Saturnine Legion; I Serve at the Whim of the Duskmaker"
Tue Aug 15 04:41:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Clear violation of the constitutional right of peaceful afterlife assembly. The ACLU should be all over this. — @Viqsin
Mon Aug 14 20:46:15 +0000 2017
Dozens of Ghosts of Protestors Slain From 1950 to 2017 Detained for Illegally Haunting White House
Mon Aug 14 16:40:06 +0000 2017
Five Fun & Creative Things You Can Do With The Evidence
Mon Aug 14 14:19:02 +0000 2017
New Poet-Laureate Affirms His "Strong Commitment" to Addressing the Reason for Rhyme https://t.co/Ii5SVCiWKg
Mon Aug 14 14:18:21 +0000 2017
Teeth: The Best? — @thinkpiecebot
Mon Aug 14 14:16:31 +0000 2017
Trump's Nominee for Poet-Laureate Vows to Get "Tough on Rhyme"
Mon Aug 14 02:46:56 +0000 2017
Pretty funny the Bureau of Advil, Tylenol, Flonase & Excedrin can't keep even 1 of those off the streets. I blame Trump being soft-on-crime. https://t.co/rIGhGPBJPU — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Aug 14 02:46:17 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents Warn Many Teens Now Have Access to Black-Market Advil
Sun Aug 13 23:44:19 +0000 2017
@centrismsucks @martijaxn @ApprovedNews6 BUZZFEED: You Won't Believe What Happened Next — @simrob
Sun Aug 13 17:09:35 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 EDITORIAL: Oh, My God, Not This Again — @martijaxn
Sun Aug 13 07:44:37 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Yes There Is
Sun Aug 13 07:15:13 +0000 2017
OPINION: No There Isn't
Sun Aug 13 07:15:01 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Exult, Brother, in the Coming of the Great Darkness
Sun Aug 13 06:24:34 +0000 2017
OPINION: This Baneful Aberration Must Be Impeached
Sun Aug 13 06:23:57 +0000 2017
Trump Administration Faces Setbacks to "Project Scowling Lizard"
Fri Aug 11 22:33:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 My blood sample IS my true name — @EugeneIpavec
Fri Aug 11 03:44:05 +0000 2017
"When raised properly, they can be loving family pets, but feral cops pose a significant risk..." https://t.co/QW7SsciZLn — @orzelc
Thu Aug 10 22:37:32 +0000 2017
they bite fucking hard and are definitely rabid https://t.co/7i9b1JOK7V — @shardsambit
Thu Aug 10 22:16:46 +0000 2017
Department of State: New Passport Applications To Require Both Birth & Death Certificates, Blood Sample, & Applicant's True Name
Thu Aug 10 20:35:18 +0000 2017
LAW ENFORCEMENT SAFETY COMMISSION: “Citizens (& mutants) should keep their hogs & hog fluids secured & hidden to avoid police infestations.” https://t.co/EC5pPjKEtw — @NorWesternCrow
Thu Aug 10 20:03:03 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 clarification required... please delineate the differences between "wild" and "domesticated" police... — @martijaxn
Thu Aug 10 19:04:10 +0000 2017
"An Environmental & Safety Hazard:" Department of Interior Warns Americans Against Feeding Wild Police
Thu Aug 10 18:58:50 +0000 2017
Do. Not. Accept. Fae. Gifts. https://t.co/fhrA9h0676 — @miniver
Wed Aug 09 19:11:52 +0000 2017
"The Fae Folk Have Taken My Firstborn as Interest:" Clients Report Unethical Debt Collection Practices by Fairy Creditors
Wed Aug 09 08:01:41 +0000 2017
More And More Americans Report Receiving Cursed Fairy Credit Cards in Mail
Wed Aug 09 08:00:23 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Well, then, what is it? Because I've been having a month full of dreams about exotic wood cabinetry and I'd like to get some sleep. — @ladyjax
Wed Aug 09 00:14:02 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 i was surprised to learn termite demons aren't the only entities compelling me to shriek & build chairs made only from the finest mahogany! — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Aug 09 00:12:26 +0000 2017
What the Bug-Headed Embodiment of Your Deepest Inner Torment Can Teach Us About Carpentry — It's Not What You Think It Is!
Tue Aug 08 23:56:05 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/iQRtF8twQi — @President_Ark
Tue Aug 08 13:45:26 +0000 2017
Media Personality, Convicted Bone Heretic Jesse Singal Arrested in Florida for Sexually Harassing Alligators
Tue Aug 08 03:24:53 +0000 2017
Not sure @ApprovedNews6 has an Australian bureau, but a Blood Service sounds like their beat. https://t.co/OJkZwf0caa — @substitute
Tue Aug 08 00:21:55 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/xB0sTP8SwC — @President_Ark
Tue Aug 08 00:01:23 +0000 2017
Bill Before Senate Could Make Crime Mandatory
Mon Aug 07 21:12:58 +0000 2017
Breaking News: https://t.co/7vUfaXvVoX — @CrapLocalNews
Mon Aug 07 21:12:28 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: By Snatching Poor Children, Bridge Trolls Eliminate the Burden of Child-Rearing and Create Economic Opportunity — @tweetsthecreeps
Mon Aug 07 21:12:16 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Hey, no one's forcing them to pay those fees in cash! Goats breed fast! #GoatsNotGroats — @Chirurgic
Mon Aug 07 21:08:48 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 When reached for comment bridge troll devoured reporter — @CHENRYwins
Mon Aug 07 21:08:41 +0000 2017
OPINION: Bridge Trolls' Flat Fees Function as Regressive Taxation, Unfair to Lower-Income Americans
Mon Aug 07 21:05:39 +0000 2017
@NorWesternCrow @ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: You Don't Really Need Your Own Teeth When You Can Do So Much More With Someone Else's — @tweetsthecreeps
Mon Aug 07 19:25:38 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: https://t.co/qFNtRKU26P — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Aug 07 18:28:36 +0000 2017
Prosecutors: Defendant's Girlfriend "Allergic to Lasers"
Mon Aug 07 07:44:53 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Florida Man Charged With Attempted Murder After Giving Peruvian Laserblossom to Girlfriend as Anniversary Present
Mon Aug 07 07:44:20 +0000 2017
REMINDER: The Approved News Media Empire Depends on Your Continued Support to Survive — Make Your Pledge Now! https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Sun Aug 06 21:36:53 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 You won’t believe #5! — @armurray1
Sun Aug 06 21:01:52 +0000 2017
7 Signs The Device Is Now Operational
Sun Aug 06 21:00:48 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: Silence of @ApprovedNews7 is a Sign of the Internal Struggle Within the Department of Obedience — @chas_lovett
Sun Aug 06 19:43:53 +0000 2017
Newslord 7: "I Have Three Words For Whoever is Operating https://t.co/fCaDju9Zkh — 'Full Disclosure, Bitch'"
Sun Aug 06 18:54:46 +0000 2017
Newslords: "Secret Paragovernmental Agency" Misusing AN6 Servers to Operate "Communications Relay"
Sun Aug 06 18:52:44 +0000 2017
Wandering Mystics of the Sorrowful Crescent Awarded "Nomads of the Year" Medal by People Magazine
Sun Aug 06 06:40:56 +0000 2017
@munin @ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Bar tab charges just went through, say accounting department. 'Lost' with Candi and Bobbi from Tentacles Revue & 23 shots. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Sun Aug 06 02:51:45 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Approved News 6 Desert Correspondent Sam Dunes Lost In Sahara — Again
Sun Aug 06 02:30:25 +0000 2017
this is cumplete balloney. these peeple did something wrong, & this is their pun-ishment. they must do hard time in the penile colon-ies https://t.co/vjoYkkhr9k — @NorWesternCrow
Sat Aug 05 04:38:33 +0000 2017
Erotican Repubic Clitizens Sexiled to Sex Isles "Skintitled to Judicktial Review," Say Plaintits' Lawyers
Fri Aug 04 20:27:18 +0000 2017
It's Time to Bleed — @HeadlineSmasher
Fri Aug 04 05:00:33 +0000 2017
are millenials killing death? — @benjaminws
Fri Aug 04 00:54:33 +0000 2017
@spnbmb @ApprovedNews6 I hear it can [REDACTED][REDACTED] if you do a Pro subscription, but there is of course The Cost. — @substitute
Fri Aug 04 00:21:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 @substitute it only comes in black? this is gonna clash with my decor — no thanks — @spnbmb
Fri Aug 04 00:20:29 +0000 2017
France's President Macron Forced to Apologize to Undead Community After Labeling Trump "Ghastly Revenant" in Leaked Memo
Thu Aug 03 23:47:05 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/FEbcKLqLib — @drwdal
Thu Aug 03 20:12:37 +0000 2017
And yet it's still what doctors recommend first. https://t.co/HJkzdJSSTO — @listelian
Thu Aug 03 19:45:09 +0000 2017
Now We're Cooking With REDACTED: Seven Great Recipe Ideas for the Feast of St. Edna the Impaler
Thu Aug 03 17:15:25 +0000 2017
New Study Shows Chronic Tylenol Use May Lead to Earthquakes
Thu Aug 03 07:02:34 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 @substation77 and don't worry, AN6 isn't going anywhere, i bounce back and forth between projects a lot. — @velartrill
Thu Aug 03 03:31:39 +0000 2017
HI it's the author again i know @approvednews6 has been quiet as hell lately, but my newer project @substation77 is updating pretty often! — @velartrill
Thu Aug 03 03:31:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 THINKPIECE: I tried to save you! Think of all we could have done together, if only you'd listened! — @MonsieurLongIII
Thu Aug 03 03:21:15 +0000 2017
"I'll Never Forget You," Say Experts, Wiping Tears from Eyes; "Never, You Hear Me"
Thu Aug 03 02:35:44 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: It Was Always Going To End This Way, My Friend
Thu Aug 03 02:29:37 +0000 2017
OPINION: No, Damn You, Not Like This
Thu Aug 03 02:29:15 +0000 2017
we're lost until we obey the spiders, in my opinion @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/nQPHzcWZW3 — @8Fourteen
Wed Aug 02 00:42:44 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/88s83PZtN9 — @shurimon
Tue Aug 01 14:27:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/XE2KRaSRZB — @zacaj_
Tue Aug 01 02:06:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 These celebrity marriages. He's after the bones; everyone knows the Shimmering Wastes' economy is tanking. The Despoiler needs a prenup — @alarmallama
Mon Jul 31 09:08:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Huh... You know, now that you mention it, it was a little odd that last week's parking-ticket fine was denominated in live chihuahuas. — @EugeneIpavec
Mon Jul 31 08:44:06 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 4 Reasons You're Absolutely Fucked — @DiceAndStories
Mon Jul 31 06:19:23 +0000 2017
4 Reasons We Tried And Failed to Kill An Innocent Man (Who Is Now Hellbent Upon Wreaking A Bloody Vengeance)
Mon Jul 31 06:15:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 PSA: Good citizens only obey Microsoft™ Certified laws and regulations. Look for the holographic sticker! — @icambron
Mon Jul 31 05:53:07 +0000 2017
Prosecutor: Judges Were Illegally Importing Counterfeit Laws Made in Mexican Sweatshops
Sun Jul 30 23:18:07 +0000 2017
Seven Judges Arrested in Bust of Law-Smuggling Ring
Sun Jul 30 23:17:04 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Donjeta the Despoiler, Bandit-King Accuse Reporters of "Impugning Their Manhood" https://t.co/5eCUSXoi8R
Sun Jul 30 22:24:34 +0000 2017
SOCIETY: Albanian Bonelord Donjeta the Despoiler, Master of the Albanian Bone-Horde, to Wed Bandit-King of the Shimmering Wastes
Sun Jul 30 22:18:34 +0000 2017
California Occupational Governor, Former Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Kingsley Hellthrash Condemns Trump's "Despicable Lies"
Sun Jul 30 22:18:28 +0000 2017
Trump: Defunct Department of Necromancy, Mutilation, & Bone Rituals "Never Invaded Hell"
Sun Jul 30 22:13:39 +0000 2017
NRA Outaged After Florida Man Arrested For Carrying Illegally Enchanted Taser
Sun Jul 30 18:32:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Counter-Counterpoint: Burnie Bros Need to Stop Dividing the Left — @FXSPeteMurray
Sun Jul 30 14:18:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Uh-oh. Bad advice. Ambitious organizations neglect team-building exercises at their own peril. — @EugeneIpavec
Sun Jul 30 13:54:35 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Spoiler: it turns out the Malign Glyph was inside you all along — @EugeneIpavec
Sun Jul 30 13:54:08 +0000 2017
Why Learning the Secret Tongue of the Wandering Alpaca Herders Could Be Great For Your Career
Sat Jul 29 18:46:48 +0000 2017
https://t.co/hmhpmgoCHS cc @ApprovedNews6 — @usr_local_share
Sat Jul 29 18:35:10 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 God, not another "millenials killed this" article. We've killed Gorthak the Unyielding and the shrimp industry, that's it. — @PithyOrNot
Sat Jul 29 08:59:47 +0000 2017
Paging @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/CqjjqgXUGE — @GeorgeWHerbert
Sat Jul 29 08:44:16 +0000 2017
OPINION: Millennials Have Forgotten How to Engrave Names of Enemies Upon the Skulls of Their Forebears
Sat Jul 29 06:25:51 +0000 2017
You'll Never Guess What This Malign Glyph Can Teach Us About Love
Sat Jul 29 06:18:43 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Counterpoint: THE VOLCANO DEMANDS TRIBUTE! — @gilmourtaylor
Sat Jul 29 06:10:49 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Doomocratic Skullcialists of America Need To Move Beyond Ritual Human Sacrifice to the Volcano God
Sat Jul 29 01:38:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I went to list mine on eBay and there were already a bunch of listings up — @FXSPeteMurray
Fri Jul 28 22:19:16 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Are You Receiving Threatening Voicemails in the Ancient Tongue of Lost Babylon? Call Fred Smith, Esq. Today & Learn Your Options!
Fri Jul 28 22:19:03 +0000 2017
Experts Confirm Fingers "Genetic Match" for Khrushchev, "Identical" Except For Angle, Implement Used in Severing
Fri Jul 28 22:11:21 +0000 2017
POLITICS: Thousands of Americans Report Receiving Severed Finger of Former Soviet Leader Nikita Khrushchev in Mail
Fri Jul 28 22:09:10 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 FASHION: She Who Thirsts wearing stunning kelp and skulls dress, setting fall fashion trend early. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Fri Jul 28 21:17:44 +0000 2017
SOCIETY: She Who Thirsts Beneath the Waves to Ascend the Fractal Summit, Beseech 7th Exalted Presence to Prophesy Fate of the Wandering Oak
Fri Jul 28 20:55:33 +0000 2017
This New Startup is Crowdsourcing the Search for the Lost City of Xalabraddon
Fri Jul 28 20:00:54 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 (#3 will blow your mind out of your head with a .40 caliber pistol) — @chas_lovett
Fri Jul 28 17:44:41 +0000 2017
4 Reasons We're Going to Kill An Innocent Man (And There's Nothing You Can Do To Stop Us)
Fri Jul 28 17:40:03 +0000 2017
Report: Without Bonds of Military Service, Many Marginalized Communities May Find It Easier to Unite Against Ruling Classes
Wed Jul 26 19:13:02 +0000 2017
Analysts Warn Forcing Undesirables Into Military Servitude "Critical" to "Thinning the Herd" At Home
Wed Jul 26 19:09:26 +0000 2017
Experts: Forcing the Underclasses to Make War on Behalf of the Great & Powerful A "Timeless Western Tradition"
Wed Jul 26 19:05:58 +0000 2017
OPINION: Minorities Have the Same God-Given Right to Participate in Imperialist Violence Overseas as Any Other American
Wed Jul 26 19:02:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: We Should Introduce the Himalayan Missile Crow to Thin Out Laserbird Flocks — @icambron
Wed Jul 26 18:41:57 +0000 2017
As Peruvian Laserbirds Migrate North, Forest Fires Become More & More Common
Wed Jul 26 08:41:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Millennials are purchasing 7% less canned beer. This is wrong. They are also purchasing 20% more imported fruit. This is also wrong. — @mcclure111
Wed Jul 26 04:08:09 +0000 2017
OPINION: Millennials Are Ruining the Food Industry by Buying Food
Wed Jul 26 04:06:43 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I'm so sorry I'm flooding your mentions but https://t.co/Q5maOatc3O — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Jul 26 02:03:48 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/zHwYCiO9YD — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Jul 26 00:29:48 +0000 2017
Some Time Last Week: @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/yEWHHGQM8b — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Jul 26 00:26:25 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/mpluqzrPMQ — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Jul 26 00:26:16 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Senator Believed Present at Vote Withers Away, Disappearing From Recorded History
Tue Jul 25 19:30:16 +0000 2017
Nation's Greatest Augurs Fail to Divine Purpose, Significance of Senate Vote
Tue Jul 25 19:29:45 +0000 2017
Bone Oracles Report "Immense Disruption" to "The Very Thread of Fate" in Wake of Mysterious Senate Vote
Tue Jul 25 19:27:46 +0000 2017
"No Idea" What Has Happened, Say D.C. Insiders, as Impenetrable Shroud Falls Over Senate Building
Tue Jul 25 19:25:45 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Senate Has Voted on Something
Tue Jul 25 19:24:55 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/g55etTlS4F — @Viqsin
Tue Jul 25 18:48:58 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/ZQjVj7jKyE — @jameshnotts
Tue Jul 25 17:49:52 +0000 2017
4 Reasons You'll Be Next
Mon Jul 24 19:30:09 +0000 2017
Report: 2014 Stone Hoarding Act May Soon Face Repeal
Mon Jul 24 05:56:26 +0000 2017
7 Signs Your Dreams Have Been Compromised
Mon Jul 24 04:04:32 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Call Now For A Quote On Bespoke Golems — "You Won't Believe It's Not Grandma"
Sun Jul 23 23:08:25 +0000 2017
7 Fun & Educational Family Activities To Do With Interlopers (Because Toddlers Love Tibias)
Sun Jul 23 23:07:26 +0000 2017
OPINION: Millennials Need to Stop Orbshaming
Sun Jul 23 22:33:38 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 On a related note, does anyone know where you can get deconsecrated C4 for cheap online? — @EugeneIpavec
Sun Jul 23 08:00:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Eugh. Look, one curséd architectural feature at a time, OK? We're still got our hands full with the Jade Dais *and* the Alabaster Catafalque — @EugeneIpavec
Sun Jul 23 08:00:52 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Wait, WTF?!? But I own a timeshare there! — @EugeneIpavec
Sun Jul 23 08:00:32 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: 𐆂𐅸 𐅛 𐅄𐅟𐅴𐅌𐅈𐅞𐅳𐅣 𐅇𐅧𐅚𐅻 𐅐𐅰𐅴𐅗𐅵𐅥𐆆 𐅆𐅎 𐆅 𐅅𐅶𐅑𐅤𐅘𐅤𐅎 𐅮 𐅔𐅂𐅿𐅕𐅕𐅄𐅶 𐅱 𐅥 𐅞𐅡𐅯 𐅊 𐅝𐅑𐅿𐅮𐅻 𐆅 𐅉𐆅𐅵𐅄𐅪 𐅶𐅱𐅨𐅡𐅣𐅯 𐅥𐅈𐅘𐅸 𐅋𐅸𐅦 𐅿 𐅖𐅰 𐅑𐅢𐅥 𐅅𐅑𐆂𐅓𐅽𐆂𐅓 𐅍𐅺𐅮𐆅𐆉𐅮𐅈𐅅𐅉 𐆊𐅷𐆆𐆈𐅼𐅨𐅲
Sun Jul 23 05:33:00 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Sapphire Plinth Must Be Destroyed
Sun Jul 23 05:32:16 +0000 2017
Is Your Child One of The Attuned? Find Out Now With This Simple Test!
Sun Jul 23 05:18:50 +0000 2017
CLASSIFIEDS: DELETED USER 746 is Looking for "FRESH TEETH" in "THE INVISIBLE EMPIRE"
Sun Jul 23 01:53:13 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: We'll Find the Lost City of Xalabraddon Any Day Now, Just You Wait
Sun Jul 23 01:44:10 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Lost City of Xalabraddon Never Existed — It's Only Ever Been Marketing Hype
Sun Jul 23 01:43:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I was in the control group for this study and I'm still holding a rusty hammer and looking for God — @PithyOrNot
Sun Jul 23 01:12:26 +0000 2017
@audrey533020 @ApprovedNews6 "Not Enough Liquor in the Universe", Say Experts, Muffled By Porcelain — @chas_lovett
Sun Jul 23 01:12:00 +0000 2017
New Studies Show Mainlining Drain Cleaner May Not Be As Safe As You Think
Sun Jul 23 00:10:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 This appears to be backed up by the data from several recent studies shown here: https://t.co/gOxz8IQjrf — @TheBoundWatcher
Sat Jul 22 23:14:28 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Experts Open Dozens of Whiskey Bottles in Unison
Sat Jul 22 22:59:24 +0000 2017
"Fuck The World," Say Experts
Sat Jul 22 22:58:57 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: It Is Only Your Hubris That Leads You To Think So, Fool https://t.co/6DkttFDcwv — @chas_lovett
Sat Jul 22 22:57:43 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Ha! And You Thought You Were So Clever
Sat Jul 22 22:56:03 +0000 2017
OPINION: Impossible! This Cannot Be!
Sat Jul 22 22:54:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 [SPONSORED] https://t.co/zPlPzvKqDN — @NorWesternCrow
Sat Jul 22 17:48:04 +0000 2017
HOME & FAMILY: Is Your Teen Listening to Harmful Music? We Show How to Detect Rock & Roll Residue Using Only Common Household Chemicals
Fri Jul 21 00:47:14 +0000 2017
7 Reasons You Will Never Love Again
Thu Jul 20 03:48:35 +0000 2017
7 Reasons You Will Never Love Again
Thu Jul 20 03:48:35 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/8FfQABrrKz — @President_Ark
Wed Jul 19 01:37:47 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | Read Today's Very Special Installment of the Approved News 6 "Question Corner," by Ludmila Larionova https://t.co/4u1OugbLGD https://t.co/1f8yoOA4A2
Tue Jul 18 19:47:19 +0000 2017
Leftists Stage D.C. Protest to Demand Re-Enactment of 1944 "Bane Unto All The Dead" Act
Tue Jul 18 19:06:41 +0000 2017
Man's graphic photos a reminder to be careful with lime juice, sunshine https://t.co/nYPjVliMGk — @fox8news
Tue Jul 18 04:49:41 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Murder Weapon Found in Dumpster Near Scene, Confiscated by Tall Figures in Dark Glasses Who Refused to Identify Selves
Mon Jul 17 22:43:01 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Florida Man Beaten to Death With Tactical Nuclear Weapon, Says Coroner
Mon Jul 17 22:36:02 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment on Trump's Nominee, Former Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Kingsley Hellthrash Challenges Moroccan Horrorbird to Duel
Mon Jul 17 22:15:24 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Moroccan Horrorbird Accepts Trump's Appointment as Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death, but Faces "Uphill Battle" for Confirmation
Mon Jul 17 22:14:27 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: *spits bloody tooth, grins* — @MonsieurLongIII
Mon Jul 17 22:12:39 +0000 2017
OPINION: Damn You, Why Won't You Just Die
Mon Jul 17 21:43:26 +0000 2017
"Hope & Chains: The Department of Obedience, The Men Without Eyes, and Obama's Greatest Mistake" Panned by Press
Mon Jul 17 20:36:25 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 well, horrorbirds do seek out sites of great hope to commit their horrors... — @martijaxn
Mon Jul 17 20:34:33 +0000 2017
"It's Great Work, I Love It, Such a Great Bird:" Expressing Admiration, Trump Offers Escaped Moroccan Horrorbird Cabinet Position
Mon Jul 17 20:22:19 +0000 2017
Moroccan Horrorbird Escapes National Zoo, Pulverizes Lincoln Memorial
Mon Jul 17 20:17:21 +0000 2017
SOCIETY: Paul Ryan's Personal Physician Describes Senator as "Bacteriological Calamity," "Outlawed Under Bioweapon Treaties"
Sun Jul 16 23:34:27 +0000 2017
This Disruptive New Startup Wants to Help Overwhelmed Parents by Converting Troublesome Children into Biodiesel
Sun Jul 16 15:27:44 +0000 2017
"Like I'm Scared of A Slow Loris:" Acting Secretary Moongristle Dismisses Bounty
Sun Jul 16 01:11:02 +0000 2017
California Occupational Governor Kingsley Hellthrash Places $10,000 Bounty on Acting Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Mervin Moongristle
Sun Jul 16 01:09:46 +0000 2017
As Tensions Rise, Swamp-Queen Vladimunda Commits Legions of Alligators and Bog-Beasts to Aid in Defense of the Whispering Woods
Sun Jul 16 01:06:22 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 and they say kids aren't interested in church anymore... — @martijaxn
Sun Jul 16 00:54:42 +0000 2017
Why We're Hyped for the Return of She Who Lurks Beneath the Mire
Sun Jul 16 00:53:38 +0000 2017
"You Would Fulfill the Prophecy of the Great Worm and Thereby Doom Us All, You Fools, You Madmen:" Protestors Vow to Picket Museum
Sun Jul 16 00:49:47 +0000 2017
The Effigy of the Sunken Prince to be Displayed at National Museum of the REDACTED, Despite Activist Protests
Sun Jul 16 00:46:20 +0000 2017
@ComicsCourtney @ApprovedNews6 How do they keep getting people to do this, does nobody request a Mortality Analysis… https://t.co/vkScgdvelK — @PithyOrNot
Sun Jul 16 00:26:09 +0000 2017
Spokeswoman Sister Vindicta: "Legiones Nostrum Crescit Semper Atque Numquam Vincentur"
Sun Jul 16 00:25:16 +0000 2017
Occupied Oregon: More & Teens Deserting Their Families to Take Up Vows as Blood-Soaked Maidens of the Cold Sword
Sun Jul 16 00:17:49 +0000 2017
Ooh boy, I hope they're gonna read the inscription out loud! https://t.co/LKrGs9xtCQ — @ComicsCourtney
Sun Jul 16 00:14:16 +0000 2017
Should the Legally Subhuman Continue to be Denied Access to Summary Incineration Centers? Discover This Startup's Radical New Idea
Sun Jul 16 00:13:59 +0000 2017
New Research Challenges Stereotypes of Mutants as Drug Dealers & Bringers of Madness
Sun Jul 16 00:09:42 +0000 2017
Can You Have Both A Successful Career And A Family? The Prophecy of the Sundered Continent Says Yes!
Sun Jul 16 00:07:31 +0000 2017
LIFESTYLE: 7 Top Reasons Why He's Leaving You For a Shrieking Shadow Thing
Sun Jul 16 00:05:20 +0000 2017
You'll Never Believe What We're About to Do With This Ancient Bas-Relief Carving of A Forgotten Void God
Sun Jul 16 00:03:08 +0000 2017
THIS DAY IN HISTORY, 1947: https://t.co/310mvG8Fr8
Sat Jul 15 18:36:34 +0000 2017
"Folks Need To Know Lifelong Suffering Is Not Acceptable:" Pressed on 20-Year Mandatory Minimums for Chronic Pain Patients, Dems Double Down
Sat Jul 15 05:17:47 +0000 2017
Citing "Opioid Epidemic," Senators Agree on Need to "Get Tough on Pain"
Sat Jul 15 05:11:25 +0000 2017
Dems' Amendment to Republican Healthcare Bill Seeks to Classify Chronic Pain as Federal Crime
Sat Jul 15 05:10:23 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Nice Try, Officer
Fri Jul 14 19:33:47 +0000 2017
"Stop Right There, Miscreant," Say Experts
Fri Jul 14 19:26:15 +0000 2017
OPINION: Not So Fast, Scoundrel
Fri Jul 14 19:14:22 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Traditional Augury has its head up its ass. They're still stuck in the Bronze Age! Only Progressive… https://t.co/N1o96NBIE7 — @EugeneIpavec
Fri Jul 14 02:31:54 +0000 2017
Elementary School Field Trip to the Chicago Orb Ends in REDACTED
Fri Jul 14 00:31:10 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/Bx31jWorVe — @timserpas
Thu Jul 13 22:20:29 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 They can say what they want but it's MY RIGHT as an AMERICAN to experiment on myself with lost alie… https://t.co/uY00Skny2W — @Timecrash
Thu Jul 13 22:04:00 +0000 2017
He's back! https://t.co/SFRyxxGb4B — @umacf24
Thu Jul 13 22:03:50 +0000 2017
cc: @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/1KCIxdYlKZ — @rhcm123
Thu Jul 13 22:03:03 +0000 2017
REDACTED Spokes[REDACTED] Refuses to Comment on Rumors "Asset 291-Golf" Has "Turned Hostile"
Thu Jul 13 20:20:28 +0000 2017
"He's Building A Nest Or Something," "Do Slow Lorises Even Build Nests?" California Occupational Gov. Kingsley Hellthrash Spotted in D.C.
Thu Jul 13 20:02:36 +0000 2017
@flare_director @ApprovedNews6 Space Cops issue "stern warning," warn Space Criminals "We will be very disappointed in you" — @Chirurgic
Thu Jul 13 19:10:49 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 BREAKING: "Everything is Legal in Space," Declares Space Monarch Galactica Bloodmouth XXVI; "Who Wou… https://t.co/3ALQKDkkuQ — @flare_director
Thu Jul 13 18:41:47 +0000 2017
(yes, it's set in the Approved Newsiverse) — @velartrill
Thu Jul 13 17:29:55 +0000 2017
last call for those who missed it: I've got a new microfiction account up at @substation77 — @velartrill
Thu Jul 13 17:29:54 +0000 2017
OPINION: The War on Space Crime Has Been A Failure — It's Time for Legalization
Thu Jul 13 16:40:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 This is just another effort by Big Necromancy to regulate alternative magic to death — @FXSPeteMurray
Thu Jul 13 16:39:44 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, California Occupational Governor Kingsley Hellthrash Hides in Leg of Reporter's Pants
Thu Jul 13 16:39:38 +0000 2017
Unions Protest California's New Licensing Regulations for Veterinary Thaumaturgy, Xenoengineering, & Traditional Augury
Thu Jul 13 16:36:00 +0000 2017
Conway brings visual aids to Hannity to explain Trump-Russia probe https://t.co/DF9OLFqY58 https://t.co/FF4ZeIqyNX — @thehill
Thu Jul 13 14:21:06 +0000 2017
…REGIONAL COMMAND, BE ADVISED CHAIRWOMAN HAS TAKEN SPECIAL INTEREST IN LIQUIDATION OF ASSET 291-GOLF…OPERATIONAL STATUS FALCON NOW APPLIES … — @substation77
Wed Jul 12 22:07:36 +0000 2017
A framed version of the mystical orb photo is now being displayed in the West Wing. https://t.co/W6VSSAoMvN — @hunterw
Wed Jul 12 21:36:33 +0000 2017
this is the best political scandal of the week https://t.co/kthBNoQ3DN https://t.co/qQqoWG4c8X — @matt_levine
Wed Jul 12 19:43:34 +0000 2017
…DVISED OBJECT NEHEMOTH-99 HAS BEEN FULLY SECURED AND IS EN ROUTE TO FACILITY 47. REPEAT, OBJECT NEHEMOTH-99 HAS BEEN FULLY… — @substation77
Wed Jul 12 19:12:19 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 LIFESTYLE: Seven Unpronounceable Syllables Every Man Wants to Hear — @MonsieurLongIII
Wed Jul 12 03:38:59 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I *thought* my e-Ballot was unusually saucy last year... — @EugeneIpavec
Tue Jul 11 22:12:39 +0000 2017
Attn: @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/QFRi8wgNPo — @FXSPeteMurray
Tue Jul 11 19:39:49 +0000 2017
Using salt circle runes to trap an A.I. car is possibly the most cyberpunk thing ever. https://t.co/4ckbQlMyBS — @Gossenphilosoph
Tue Jul 11 18:06:10 +0000 2017
Meet the Bipartisan Coalition That Wants to Ban Fun
Tue Jul 11 17:16:05 +0000 2017
"You May Not Know It," Say Scientists, "But You Have Been Preparing For This Moment Your Entire Lives"
Tue Jul 11 03:14:05 +0000 2017
Officials Urge Citizens to "Harden Your Hearts & Steel Your Will;" "Only Through Courage & Strength Will You Prevail"
Tue Jul 11 03:11:49 +0000 2017
"Do Not Think You Will Not Be Tested," Say Sources: "You Will Be, Oh Yes; You Will Be"
Tue Jul 11 03:09:56 +0000 2017
Experts: "The World Will Be Forever Changed In The Days To Come"
Tue Jul 11 03:09:26 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 @velartrill , My wife requests that you publish an English-Erotican glossary. Dicktionary, I guess. — @SomethingAsmora
Tue Jul 11 01:49:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/bs0pNr7iSe — @zacaj_
Tue Jul 11 01:03:27 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Fake nudes! Clitizens Poonited breastablished that cumpanies can partitsipate in erection cumpaigns.… https://t.co/wijsHZtJIS — @tweetsthecreeps
Mon Jul 10 22:58:38 +0000 2017
President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Reveals 4 Cumpanies Sackused of Skinterfering in 2016 American Genital Erection
Mon Jul 10 21:10:38 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents Endorse New Bill Criminalizing Failure to Floss, Advocate for Mandatory Death Penalty
Mon Jul 10 20:03:12 +0000 2017
South Florida to Add Mandatory "Methematics" Courses At All Secondary Schools
Mon Jul 10 19:32:27 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 i appreciate your ongoing support greatly and i hope i'll be able to get back to writing AN6 soon. i… https://t.co/WCRLoK2KmC — @velartrill
Mon Jul 10 05:54:04 +0000 2017
apologies to my patrons that @ApprovedNews6 hasn't been updating much lately. dealing with a lot of mental health problems right now. — @velartrill
Mon Jul 10 05:52:50 +0000 2017
You gotta admit—among the lack of substance of the Trump presidency, it's a relief to still have someone like Ryan… https://t.co/eLJf2owLOB — @mcclure111
Sun Jul 09 02:57:25 +0000 2017
Press Praise Paul Ryan for Honesty Over TrumpCare Effects. https://t.co/C39jCXEoik — @MegatronusRex
Sun Jul 09 02:57:10 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/n4JW4tzv9E — @tweetsthecreeps
Sun Jul 09 02:56:45 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 GOP hails "open carry" law for shovels. "Thankfully, we live in a country where carrying a shovel fo… https://t.co/caTqhn451i — @martijaxn
Sun Jul 09 02:56:31 +0000 2017
LIFESTYLE: Improve Your Spouse With These 7 Simple "Wifehacks"
Sun Jul 09 02:40:59 +0000 2017
Strange, Viscous Substance Oozing From Every Pore, Paul Ryan Calls Press Conference, Beats Naked, Screaming Man to Death With Shovel
Sun Jul 09 01:25:19 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 [SPONSORED] https://t.co/CaAnweWJFc — @NorWesternCrow
Sat Jul 08 22:25:48 +0000 2017
Sect of the Crimson Beetle's Scuttling Lord Simon Cites Sinn Fein's "Regressive" Social Policies As Reason Talks Failed
Sat Jul 08 20:36:29 +0000 2017
Sect of the Crimson Beetle Pulls Out of Talks With Sinn Fein to Establish Government in Increasingly Anarchic United Kingdom
Sat Jul 08 20:34:31 +0000 2017
EDITORIAL: What Millennials Get Wrong About the Gibbering Totem & the Valley of Living Shadows
Sat Jul 08 16:32:20 +0000 2017
No smoking, littering, alcohol, rollerskating, skateboarding, scooters, BAYING UNHOLY PRAYERS AT THE BLOOD MOON, https://t.co/9f9IWxFlRp — @vandroidhelsing
Fri Jul 07 20:08:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Look, the poor guy just needed a social media detox! — @Ahab_Of_Gilead
Thu Jul 06 20:14:35 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Leaked Vatican internal memo: Have you tried turning Him off and then on again? — @icambron
Thu Jul 06 19:55:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Vatican Lays Out Plans to Ask Nephew of Ranking Cardinal to Take a Look at God the Next Time he Visi… https://t.co/P3zhH325rx — @FXSPeteMurray
Thu Jul 06 19:34:57 +0000 2017
Vatican Silent as God Remains Offline Weeks Longer Than Planned
Thu Jul 06 19:22:31 +0000 2017
Expeditionary Force Recruits Applied Theologians for Assault on Heaven https://t.co/EKe5cvyJNn — @tomscud
Thu Jul 06 18:35:18 +0000 2017
The Faceless Adjutant, The Crimson Eviscerator, & The Ghoul That Killed Your Father Want You To Know They Support #Pride2017
Thu Jul 06 17:58:39 +0000 2017
Antidepressants Anonymous Issues Statement in Support of Prescribing Limits, Harsher Penalties
Thu Jul 06 17:36:25 +0000 2017
Is It Time to Ban Antidepressants, Which Can Be As Addictive as Heroin? The Evidence Suggests It May Be
Thu Jul 06 17:31:13 +0000 2017
Leading Scientists Report Nearly Half of Antidepressant Prescriptions Issued Improperly, "Of No Therapeutic Benefit"
Thu Jul 06 17:29:15 +0000 2017
"It's Shocking:" Researchers Report Children As Young As 15 "Can Just Walk In & Get An Antidepressant Prescription," "There's No Oversight"
Thu Jul 06 17:24:37 +0000 2017
Antidepressant Addicts "Bankrolling White-Collar Crime," Say Experts
Thu Jul 06 17:18:57 +0000 2017
Analysts: More than Half of Americans "Cripplingly Addicted" to Pharmaceutical Antidepressants, As Tens of Thousands Die of Suicide
Thu Jul 06 17:16:54 +0000 2017
OPINION: We Need to Get Serious About the Antidepressant Crisis
Thu Jul 06 17:13:51 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Kids, Are Your Parents Shoplifting to Support Their Caffeine Addiction? Know the Warning Signs - Call Now For Help
Thu Jul 06 17:05:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/2ghJN93dKw — @benryan2012
Thu Jul 06 02:29:51 +0000 2017
Alleged Thief Arrested After 30 Years of Atheism — @HeadlineSmasher
Thu Jul 06 00:18:51 +0000 2017
i think the question we're all asking is: *why* was Hobby Lobby stockpiling cuneiform? cc @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/zk58MKBv6m — @invtym
Wed Jul 05 23:10:02 +0000 2017
Coffin with child's organs, but no body, found on Philadelphia sidewalk https://t.co/OA4P3s3m8f — @fox8news
Wed Jul 05 23:09:56 +0000 2017
Alt-Wight Leaders March on D.C. to Demand Liquidation of Matter-Based Life Forms
Wed Jul 05 23:02:28 +0000 2017
Leader of Donald Trump’s "voter fraud" investigation is now being investigated for election fraud https://t.co/8HDdWkCW2m — @PalmerReport
Wed Jul 05 21:03:36 +0000 2017
Citing "Increasing Likelihood" of "Ontological Cascade Sequence 7", US Armed Forces Step Up Recruitment of "The Attuned"
Wed Jul 05 19:12:12 +0000 2017
@GeorgeWHerbert @ApprovedNews6 I'll give my kids a 15MT warhead for their birthdays if I goddamned want to, and you hippies can't stop me — @joe_no_privacy
Wed Jul 05 01:51:30 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 That's a typo. The studies are nuclear. — @King_Of_Flesh
Wed Jul 05 01:51:20 +0000 2017
@GeorgeWHerbert @ApprovedNews6 Well, if it's a heirloom, that's different of course. — @DerekL1963
Wed Jul 05 01:51:05 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 ...sale but not possession of existing , or intra-family transfer? — @GeorgeWHerbert
Wed Jul 05 01:51:02 +0000 2017
Studies "Unclear" Regarding Impact of Nuclear Weapon Use, Ownership on Minors, Analysts Say
Wed Jul 05 00:26:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 *raze — @TallorDaniels
Wed Jul 05 00:25:21 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: The Government Has No Business Telling Me How to Raise My Child
Wed Jul 05 00:24:48 +0000 2017
OPINION: It's Time We Banned the Sale of Nuclear Weapons to Underage Children
Wed Jul 05 00:24:07 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | The First Installment of Our New Series, the Approved News 6 Question Corner https://t.co/v92HrdbXPr https://t.co/CwP77tjtJg — @ApprovedNews6
Tue Jul 04 20:26:55 +0000 2017
Bone Oracles Report Americans Can Expect "Relatively Mild" Fourth of July, as Explosion Spirits "Very Pleased" by Trump's War in Syria
Tue Jul 04 20:26:27 +0000 2017
FOURTH OF JULY: Americans Nationwide Begin Moving to Designated Public Shelters, Making Offerings to Appease Explosion Spirits
Tue Jul 04 19:36:52 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Oh me God, please tell me there's a vaccine! — @NorWesternCrow
Tue Jul 04 19:35:56 +0000 2017
New Study Shows Nearly 1 in 10 Americans at Risk for Apotheosis
Tue Jul 04 18:53:53 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | The First Installment of Our New Series, the Approved News 6 Question Corner https://t.co/v92HrdbXPr https://t.co/CwP77tjtJg
Mon Jul 03 07:22:02 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Dear Gideon, I too am afflicted with a bothersome relative. Can you recommend a local bog? Wheelchai… https://t.co/ax7fOHKUWl — @EugeneIpavec
Mon Jul 03 06:20:21 +0000 2017
Millennials Have "Disturbingly Nonconformist" Attitudes To It, Say Analysts
Sun Jul 02 23:27:38 +0000 2017
"Dangerous & Untrue:" Suggestion It Might Not Be So Bad After All Meets With Fierce Opposition From Community
Sun Jul 02 23:26:51 +0000 2017
New Research Shows It Might Not Be So Bad After All
Sun Jul 02 23:23:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 anyone saying It Isn't bad clearly is ignoring key information — @Divad_42
Sun Jul 02 23:21:00 +0000 2017
OPINION: Actually, It Is Good
Sun Jul 02 23:17:33 +0000 2017
New Poll Shows "Vast Majority" of Americans Believe It Is Bad
Sun Jul 02 23:16:30 +0000 2017
Americans for Traditional Torments Urges Senate to Reinstate Drawing & Quartering as Penalty for Simony, Oathbreaking
Sun Jul 02 22:47:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 but chlorine is so much cheaper to make at home! — @AndrewNCassidy
Sun Jul 02 22:42:37 +0000 2017
High on Homemade Mustard Gas, Florida Man Proclaims Self King of the Fairies
Sun Jul 02 22:39:28 +0000 2017
ugh, Sam Harris — @arguetron
Sun Jul 02 22:35:13 +0000 2017
Angela Merkel Vows to Release New Song — @HeadlineSmasher
Sun Jul 02 20:12:04 +0000 2017
Erotican Repubic Pulls Out of Sextradition Treaty With United States, Citing American Use of Death Poonalty
Sun Jul 02 18:48:02 +0000 2017
Do Not Attempt to Resist: Read This Week's Sunday Paper for Our Exciting New Advice Column
Sun Jul 02 09:15:44 +0000 2017
What to Do When A Mysterious, Handsome Man Leaves Your Estranged Father to Die in the Bog: Gideon Mandrake Answers Reader Questions
Sun Jul 02 09:12:57 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/s339HiBEkL — @GabrielBerlin
Sun Jul 02 08:25:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 China Creates Ministry Of Occult Artifacts; Will Dredge South China Sea Floor For Lost Relics. — @DarrylDaugherty
Sun Jul 02 08:25:07 +0000 2017
"We've Got Amulets," "The World's Most Powerful Amulets:" Trump Dismisses Concerns over Renewed Aggression by North Korea
Sun Jul 02 02:42:49 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/ZlSMrZSg8K — @NorWesternCrow
Sun Jul 02 02:39:08 +0000 2017
Currently passing over Eugene, can see giant, nearly-transparent, non-euclidean @ApprovedNews6 broadcast tower — @BlueSpaceCanary
Sat Jul 01 18:05:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 They were warned that round avis were a step upon the very edge of the abyss. There are some things… https://t.co/dGVqsEc66w — @EugeneIpavec
Fri Jun 30 23:04:06 +0000 2017
Senate Votes to Break Your Legs — @HeadlineSmasher
Fri Jun 30 20:24:05 +0000 2017
@cveidson @ApprovedNews6 It's almost enough to make you want to move to California. I hear Governor Kingsley Hellth… https://t.co/O8qZehKyqO — @chas_lovett
Fri Jun 30 19:10:31 +0000 2017
@wifi_failure @ApprovedNews6 the disease came from the users. the disease came for the users. we are all unclean. we are all damned. — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Jun 30 19:07:19 +0000 2017
Hmph. This kind of cowardly incompetence is why *I* will continue making ritual voting obeisances to former Secreta… https://t.co/fRWicoMbIh — @cveidson
Fri Jun 30 19:00:53 +0000 2017
UPDATE: "Millions" of Flies Issue Forth From Mouth of Jack Dorsey's Spasming Corpse
Fri Jun 30 18:42:20 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Acting Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Mervin Moongristle Hides Under Desk
Fri Jun 30 17:56:23 +0000 2017
Analysts: If Confirmed, Twitter Contamination "First Known Outbreak" Since Abolition of Dept. of Necromancy, Mutilation, & Bone Rituals
Fri Jun 30 17:55:58 +0000 2017
"MECUM OMNES PLANGITE:" Twitter CEO Dorsey Tears Out Own Eyes, Uses Blood From Sockets to Paint Swastika on CNN Anchor's Face
Fri Jun 30 17:41:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/KUIsPfydHF — @jleedev
Fri Jun 30 17:38:14 +0000 2017
Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey Appears on CNN to Dispute Rumors of Contamination, Spontaneously Manifests Stigmata
Fri Jun 30 17:36:56 +0000 2017
What Does the Contamination of Twitter Mean for the Faceless Adjutant & the Council of Whispers? We Ask the Experts
Fri Jun 30 17:35:09 +0000 2017
Stocks: $TWTR Plummets in Wake of Contamination Rumors
Fri Jun 30 17:33:17 +0000 2017
Grainy Photos of Twitter Data Center Reputedly Show "Masses of Diseased Flesh," Whispering Darkness Seeping From Servers
Fri Jun 30 17:32:16 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Inside Source Warns Twitter, Inc. May Be Contaminated
Fri Jun 30 17:30:09 +0000 2017
Hitler Had a Bad Idea — @HeadlineSmasher
Fri Jun 30 04:11:09 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The Surgeon General is clearly infected. — @EugeneIpavec
Fri Jun 30 03:09:51 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I'm pretty sure that ""Oh God, Oh God" is a preexisting condition. — @EugeneIpavec
Fri Jun 30 02:20:03 +0000 2017
GOP: Dept. of Ceaseless Torment Necessary to Perform "More Esoteric" Functions of Defunct Dept. of Necromancy, Mutilation, & Bone Rituals
Thu Jun 29 21:23:28 +0000 2017
Dems: "Department of Ceaseless Torment" "Needlessly Redundant" With Existing Department of Pain
Thu Jun 29 21:22:11 +0000 2017
GOP Healthcare Bill Would Create Federal-Level Department of Ceaseless Torment: Report
Thu Jun 29 21:21:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/N9srCNh4IP — @atonal440
Thu Jun 29 17:49:43 +0000 2017
Four Congressmen Found Dead; Cause of Death Determined to be "Oh No," "Oh God, Oh God," "No, No, No, No," "Please, Anything but That"
Thu Jun 29 17:29:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/zOHhXAJkrF — @NorWesternCrow
Thu Jun 29 08:28:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I knew something was wrong when he started in with "Well, actually..." — @Loganchance
Thu Jun 29 00:30:02 +0000 2017
Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) Accidentally Filibusters Bill to Legalize Mansplaining
Thu Jun 29 00:28:43 +0000 2017
"Thousands Are Dying Every Year of Preventable Optimism:" Surgeon General Calls for Immediate Action on Hope Crisis
Wed Jun 28 21:26:55 +0000 2017
A kangaroo dressed in leopard-print has been found shot dead on an Australian roadside, tied to a chair https://t.co/zCOW6po6cu — @AFP
Wed Jun 28 01:52:59 +0000 2017
Millennials Have Resurrected Baal, the False God, Here's What It Means for your Morning Commute — @justabloodygame
Tue Jun 27 19:14:49 +0000 2017
Good community outreach @ApprovedNews6, congrats https://t.co/DRqIibaSKN — @maclebass
Tue Jun 27 17:14:31 +0000 2017
TODAY IN HISTORY: https://t.co/ljz2dOHU8G
Mon Jun 26 21:36:25 +0000 2017
TODAY IN HISTORY: https://t.co/ci0y59ZwrI
Mon Jun 26 21:28:13 +0000 2017
reminder that you too can help the author of @approvednews6 afford rent AND not starve to death! https://t.co/zbBXnbs9RY — @velartrill
Mon Jun 26 19:59:58 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 You orbs think just because you can mind control your opponents you can do aaanyth-HAIL THE ORB HAIL THE ORB HAIL TH — @MonsieurLongIII
Mon Jun 26 19:36:27 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: HAIL THE ORB
Mon Jun 26 19:03:24 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Chicago Orb is Destroying Our Families and Poisoning Our Children
Mon Jun 26 19:02:38 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 @NorWesternCrow ugh Ultimate Murder Spree LXIX was better (though why it came after Murder Spree 14… https://t.co/SX2sIOnrRh — @joe_no_privacy
Mon Jun 26 17:38:38 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 "How am I supposed to explain to my child why that man has a man-bun?" one parent exclaimed. — @martijaxn
Mon Jun 26 01:37:13 +0000 2017
Lord Bloodwrench Hellstrangle's Ultimate Murder Spree XIII Pulled from PBS Over Concerns Brief Homosexual Kiss "Unsuitable for Children"
Mon Jun 26 01:30:14 +0000 2017
Trump Vows to Repeat the Great Mistake
Mon Jun 26 01:29:23 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Quick Take: What do do when *your* child calls out "Mommy, I caught the flying crystal snake again!" — @GeorgeWHerbert
Sun Jun 25 23:26:21 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Better Teach the Codex Early Than Wait Until it's Too Late https://t.co/G8hbfE6VHX — @usr_local_share
Sun Jun 25 20:40:48 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: The Crystal Codex Underpins the Existence of All Children — @MonsieurLongIII
Sun Jun 25 20:40:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Children Are Suitable For The Crystal Codex Of The Wandering Serpent — @Chirurgic
Sun Jun 25 20:40:22 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Crystal Codex of the Wandering Serpent is Not Suitable for Children
Sun Jun 25 20:05:18 +0000 2017
Analysts: "Yikes, Man"
Sat Jun 24 18:15:29 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Fucking Hell, You Weren't Shitting Me
Sat Jun 24 18:13:33 +0000 2017
OPINION: You Have Got To Be Shitting Me
Sat Jun 24 18:11:28 +0000 2017
Speaking On Condition of Anonymity, Sources Report "No Fucking Way"
Sat Jun 24 18:11:02 +0000 2017
Inside Sources: "What"
Sat Jun 24 18:09:59 +0000 2017
UPDATE: "It Was Nothing," "Nothing At All," Reports Terrified Superviser as Sky Darkens; Blocks Near Area Evacuated https://t.co/TRzlq7tBrx
Sat Jun 24 17:53:28 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Simultaneous impeachment resolutions had been thrust vigorously into both the frontal and anal House… https://t.co/iRUBlcJEFM — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Jun 24 07:58:43 +0000 2017
I KNEW IT WOULD almost END THIS WAY! https://t.co/yUTR9niEiR — @medicmsh3141
Sat Jun 24 01:51:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Was he attempting to “crack open” the secrets of cold one fusion? Thank the nonexistent fairy queen… https://t.co/a6IULIMQ42 — @MonsieurLongIII
Sat Jun 24 01:28:51 +0000 2017
Florida face-eating teen says he just wants "to be a normal kid again" https://t.co/nQkTcd6XLe https://t.co/oldcpL4rCq — @NYDailyNews
Sat Jun 24 01:18:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 When asked for comment, local nihilist responds,"Why? There's no point." — @martijaxn
Sat Jun 24 01:13:56 +0000 2017
High on Crystal Methadone, Florida Man Attempts to Open Beer Bottle, Nearly Destroys Us All
Sat Jun 24 01:06:34 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I am disgusted by this jejune display of groundless optimism — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Jun 24 01:04:41 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Not Like It Really Matters Anymore
Sat Jun 24 00:58:09 +0000 2017
OPINION: We Had A Good Run, Everybody
Sat Jun 24 00:57:55 +0000 2017
"I Guess That's That, Then," Scientists Report
Sat Jun 24 00:56:44 +0000 2017
"Didn't See That One Coming," Say Sources
Sat Jun 24 00:52:30 +0000 2017
Experts: "Well, Shit"
Sat Jun 24 00:52:04 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | GUEST EDITORIAL: All Right, Calm Down, Both of You, by Patricia Pearson https://t.co/WeZt5zhpAj https://t.co/yMwOi0LRnp — @ApprovedNews6
Fri Jun 23 23:00:11 +0000 2017
Healthcare Bill: "Flesh Purity" Measure to Prohibit Mutants From Accessing Public Hospitals Finds Wide Bipartisan Support
Fri Jun 23 22:53:52 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | GUEST EDITORIAL: All Right, Calm Down, Both of You, by Patricia Pearson https://t.co/WeZt5zhpAj https://t.co/yMwOi0LRnp
Fri Jun 23 21:21:25 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I hope he thinks long and hard on his actions. The people need a rigid leader who is stiff on policy. — @NormalNico
Fri Jun 23 19:15:22 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | OPINION: We Meet At Last, by Clarice Bianchi https://t.co/afWccDsu7t — @ApprovedNews6
Fri Jun 23 18:58:37 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Their schlong nationanal nightmare is over. — @jjm6501
Fri Jun 23 18:58:14 +0000 2017
In Wake of Scandal, President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Suck-cums to Punlitical Pleasure, Steps Down
Fri Jun 23 17:51:21 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Investigaytion Reveals President-Erect Falsely Claimed to Hold Cocktorate in Poclitical Science From Prestigious Pooniversity
Fri Jun 23 17:49:36 +0000 2017
President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Calls for "Happy Ending" to Cockupation of Virgin Islands
Fri Jun 23 17:46:52 +0000 2017
Sen. XL333012 Slammed by Colleagues for "Unconstitutional" Meeting With "Illegitimate, Unrecognized" Foreign Power
Fri Jun 23 07:24:09 +0000 2017
Sen. XL333012 (R-FL) Activates Intercontinental Flight Mode to Hold Talks With Florence's New Robotic Masters
Fri Jun 23 07:23:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Quick take: Reporter was Lucky. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Fri Jun 23 07:21:59 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Semiautonomous Control Platform 9912 Activates Reporter's Shock Collar
Fri Jun 23 07:20:34 +0000 2017
Vatican Affirms Intervention by St. Terrorbot of Cluster 76 to Grant Victory in Florentine Robot Uprising
Fri Jun 23 07:17:50 +0000 2017
Analysts: Carefully-Orchestrated Attack by Unarmed Gunman Demonstrates Illuminati in Possession of "Sophisticated" Ontological Weapons
Fri Jun 23 06:59:18 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment on Attack by Unarmed Gunman, Trump Bites Head Off Ken Doll
Fri Jun 23 06:55:38 +0000 2017
Illuminati Secretary-General Ulikh Yoor: Unarmed Gunman's Attack "A Warning" to Trump Administration
Fri Jun 23 06:51:24 +0000 2017
Illuminati Claims Credit for Unarmed Gunman's White House Carnage Through Messages Encoded in Bird Migration Patterns
Fri Jun 23 06:50:50 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Unarmed Gunman's Dog Determined to be Live North American Grizzly After Reassembly, Mauls White House Security
Fri Jun 23 06:49:33 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Unarmed Gunman Escapes Secret Servcie Custody; Dozens Found Dead
Fri Jun 23 06:47:50 +0000 2017
Unarmed Gunman's Dog to Be Reassembled, Shipped to Quantico for Further Analysis, Say Sources
Fri Jun 23 06:46:36 +0000 2017
"A Close Call:" Secret Service Reports "No Trace" of Explosives Found After Gunman's Dog "Carefully Disassembled"
Fri Jun 23 06:44:51 +0000 2017
"We Were Terrified For Our Safety:" Unarmed Gunman Arrested After Walking Dog Past White House
Fri Jun 23 06:42:03 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Find In-Depth, Approved Reporting on Our Website — Ceritified Uncontaminated Since 20██ https://t.co/R7DYxlmd90
Fri Jun 23 06:35:25 +0000 2017
can't even sneak an army across the border anymore without getting a full-cavity search. the nation's gone complete… https://t.co/vSnh9DKfzu — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Jun 23 06:31:52 +0000 2017
very sick of these Albanian bone merchants and their tyranny https://t.co/wrWBJBWGug — @Horse_Crimes
Fri Jun 23 06:31:45 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Horde of Bone Warriors Protest At AK Courthouse, Demand Justice, Immolation of Corporeal Citizenry… https://t.co/GwZPL9maiO — @icambron
Fri Jun 23 06:31:27 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | OPINION: We Meet At Last, by Clarice Bianchi https://t.co/afWccDsu7t
Fri Jun 23 06:19:40 +0000 2017
Report: Albanian Bonelord Donjeta the Despoiler Reportedly Entered US Seeking to Purchase Legal Marijuana, Lay Waste to Anchorage
Fri Jun 23 05:35:41 +0000 2017
Lawyers for Albanian Bone-Horde Condemn Immigration Authorities to Linger On in Tears & Madness Through Ancient Bone-Curse
Fri Jun 23 05:32:32 +0000 2017
Albanian Bonelord Donjeta the Despoiler Arrested After Attempting to Enter Alaska With Copy of Codex Salamandrium, Armed Horde of Warriors
Fri Jun 23 05:28:20 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I can always trust them for their sharp, brutal, to-the-point opinions. — @Timecrash
Thu Jun 22 19:19:43 +0000 2017
Ruins of Cleveland Hermetically Sealed After Rumored Outbreak of Contamination
Thu Jun 22 17:31:01 +0000 2017
Sister Vindicta of Blood-Soaked Maidens of the Cold Sword, Pressed for Comment, Reports "Widespread Use" of Terror… https://t.co/J4kV57ZVdK
Thu Jun 22 17:29:15 +0000 2017
Trump, Hovering Upside Down on CNN, Denies Existence of Nebraska Terror Serum
Thu Jun 22 17:26:18 +0000 2017
TODAY IN HISTORY, 19██: Schism Between True Illuminati, Illuminati Veritatis Resolved Through Movie Night, Game of Parcheesi
Wed Jun 21 19:42:23 +0000 2017
High on Counterfeit Viagra, Florida Man Discovers Hypersex
Wed Jun 21 07:36:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 EVERYDAY HEROS: https://t.co/fbeRBPfZc1 — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Jun 21 07:29:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 They can't let Obama have one shred of legacy. — @gilmourtaylor
Wed Jun 21 00:19:12 +0000 2017
Senate Votes to Outlaw Hope
Wed Jun 21 00:16:25 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 My least favorite cabinet member. Lacks personality. I miss former Attorney General Framed 1896 Lith… https://t.co/wwY7bxa7Ea — @EugeneIpavec
Tue Jun 20 23:22:46 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents Warn Teens as Young as Seven "Getting High on Advil"
Tue Jun 20 20:40:35 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Fairy Queen, Who Does Not Exist, Expresses "Full Support" of Wise Witch, Places Dancing Hex on Seven Reporters
Tue Jun 20 01:32:01 +0000 2017
"The Whispering Woods Are A Land Most Fae & Eerie:" FBI "Not Optimistic" About Recapturing Wise Witch
Tue Jun 20 01:30:33 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Unknown Orb on White House Lawn REDACTED All Reporters Present
Tue Jun 20 01:29:09 +0000 2017
Enormous Sentient Swastika, Trump's Attorney General, Vows Wise Witch of the Whispering Woods Will Be "Duly Apprended," "Punished"
Tue Jun 20 01:28:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 International Leaders Call For Treaty Banning the Use of Kindness — @icambron
Tue Jun 20 01:24:26 +0000 2017
Trump Spotted Sitting Cross-Legged on White House Lawn, Yelling at Orb
Tue Jun 20 01:20:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Killing with kindness is the worst way to go. I'm against it. — @_HaikusGoddess
Tue Jun 20 01:17:58 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Wise Witch of the Whispering Woods Escapes Custody During Consternation, Uproar Following Seven Secret Truths She Revealed
Tue Jun 20 01:16:52 +0000 2017
"How Many Have You Killed?" Arraigned on Charges of Tricky Witchcraft, Wise Witch of Whispering Woods Issues Series of Dread Proclamations
Tue Jun 20 01:15:45 +0000 2017
Sources: Airstrikes to Begin "Imminently" https://t.co/gxY3rYTVRQ
Tue Jun 20 00:12:08 +0000 2017
VIDEO: Large rat drags bag of trash across sidewalk in Brooklyn https://t.co/2dNC49MHfB https://t.co/wb1lU4Aa0n — @ABC7
Mon Jun 19 22:55:24 +0000 2017
Heresiarch Salamandra of the Hidden Valley Announces New Funding for Sinfrastructure Improvement
Mon Jun 19 21:37:39 +0000 2017
@TopherGrey @ApprovedNews6 Oh, it'll warm your heart all right. About 200 DEGREES warmer. — @Loganchance
Mon Jun 19 21:36:50 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Approved News 6 Needs Your Biomass (AMERICAN ONLY), Dried Yak Teeth, & Money! https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Mon Jun 19 21:36:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 They've been on the verge of a breakthrough for decades now. I'll believe it when I see it. If you ask me, it's all a racket. — @tomscud
Mon Jun 19 21:35:37 +0000 2017
great, now every time i do something nice i'm going to be accused of a war crime https://t.co/8Xyuay4UQH — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Jun 19 21:35:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Imagine how many children could be spared a future in the same prisons if nutritious human flesh was… https://t.co/J5Vzsjxipq — @tweetsthecreeps
Mon Jun 19 21:35:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Is this that Project Bear Hug we've been hearing about? Sounds heartwarming and terrifying. — @TopherGrey
Mon Jun 19 21:34:36 +0000 2017
Report: DARPA Has Successfully Weaponized Kindness
Mon Jun 19 20:41:37 +0000 2017
DOJ Quietly Drops 2016 Restrictions on When Private Prisons May Cook, Eat Prisoners
Mon Jun 19 20:36:30 +0000 2017
Advances in Crime Science Could Soon Make Crime "Much More Accessible," Say Crime Scientists
Mon Jun 19 20:30:34 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 2.0? What is this, the Xbox? Is a little consistency in numbering too much to ask? We're at least five versions in... — @Chirurgic
Mon Jun 19 19:20:57 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Omnipotence was just a little overpowered to be honest, I'm glad they're nerfing it. Should stabilize the religious meta. — @Alititianized
Mon Jun 19 19:20:49 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Pope Francis Rears Up on Hind Legs, Roars Mightily as Her Cubs Attack Reporters
Mon Jun 19 19:19:45 +0000 2017
Cardinals: "God 2.0" To Fix Many Longstanding Bugs in Omnipotence, "Greatly Improve" Moral Consistency
Mon Jun 19 19:18:33 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Ugh, again? — @desertfox899
Mon Jun 19 19:16:53 +0000 2017
Vatican: God to Be "Briefly" Taken Offline for Upgrades Tuesday Morning
Mon Jun 19 19:04:36 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, North Carolina Sludge Flats Envelop, Liquefy Reporter
Mon Jun 19 05:27:58 +0000 2017
Republicans Consider Bill to Extend Voting Rights to Industrial Runoff
Mon Jun 19 05:26:56 +0000 2017
It's the Illuminati's Fault We Didn't Learn From Brexit — @thinkpiecebot
Mon Jun 19 05:21:57 +0000 2017
@cg_marcato @ApprovedNews6 To be fair, he owns more bridges than is healthy, so I can understand the parallels. But… https://t.co/rFiSJA0zgo — @PithyOrNot
Sun Jun 18 20:53:44 +0000 2017
I hate when he does stuff like this. Head grows back = people think regen proves he's a troll, & my species has eno… https://t.co/zHZ4VlwFOH — @cg_marcato
Sun Jun 18 20:45:07 +0000 2017
Senate Vows to Fund Terror Plot — @HeadlineSmasher
Sun Jun 18 20:10:41 +0000 2017
High on Rocket Fuel, Florida Man Reaches Escape Velocity
Sun Jun 18 00:32:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 HOWLING ORDER SPOX: OOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOO — @icambron
Sat Jun 17 17:19:28 +0000 2017
High on Homemade Antidepressants, Florida Man Ransacks Temple of the Emerald Convocation, Kidnaps Prelate of the Howling Order
Sat Jun 17 09:46:06 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I don't see what all the fuss is about. The Mandrake Dossier is just a trade paperback of the Codex… https://t.co/7gSVPTvAM9 — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Jun 17 03:39:06 +0000 2017
"That's Ridiculous," "Everybody Knows I Have No Blood:" Trump, Pressed for Comment, Cuts Off Own Hand to Reveal Dark, Empty Cavity
Sat Jun 17 02:13:55 +0000 2017
Trump Implicated in Blood-Smuggling Scandal
Sat Jun 17 02:11:57 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 And I know it's not "politically correct", but White culture and country music which is obsessed w d… https://t.co/PW8IgTX1Kw — @cveidson
Fri Jun 16 16:43:51 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Congress's violent culture must be addressed. Reps punch reporters & post videos of themselves firin… https://t.co/9g89mMcnTM — @cveidson
Fri Jun 16 16:43:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I'd hardly call them "volunteers" like they're doing it out of the goodness of their heart!? They get a FREE HAT. — @secretGeek
Fri Jun 16 05:27:43 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I'm a volunteer myself and I'm not looking forward to this. I'm told it's a terrible strain of virus… https://t.co/7mnGCxhgp0 — @Ozfelian
Fri Jun 16 02:18:31 +0000 2017
Environmental Activists Warn America's Once-REDACTED Circles of Standing Stones "Slowly Withering Away" Since Trump Resurrection
Fri Jun 16 02:16:50 +0000 2017
Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities Organizes Volunteer Flamethrower Brigade to Contain Hallelujah Virus Outbreak in Malta
Fri Jun 16 02:12:44 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 But it's the Archfungus that makes it zesty! I can't go back to plain! — @EugeneIpavec
Fri Jun 16 01:58:35 +0000 2017
President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Lays Blame on "Anarchocummunists" for Repeeted Vandalism of Pubic Property
Fri Jun 16 01:20:13 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Approved News 6's Reporting Is Viewer-Funded & Certified Uncontaminated! Make Your Monthly Pledge Now https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Thu Jun 15 22:40:47 +0000 2017
@marymcconnell77 @ApprovedNews6 Stealing bases, swinging bats around, spitting. It's no wonder that poor man felt threatened. — @alexandraerin
Thu Jun 15 22:08:39 +0000 2017
"We Hope His Soul Finds Peace:" Others Injured at GOP Event Hold Candlelight Vigil for Alleged Shooter Slain by Police
Thu Jun 15 20:54:56 +0000 2017
Rep. Scalise Should "Immediately Apologize" For Being Shot, Say Public Relations Consultants: "Being in a Coma is No Excuse"
Thu Jun 15 20:53:20 +0000 2017
"He Shouldn't Have Dressed That Way:" Public Safety Experts Note Many Vulnerable Individuals Perceive Suits as Threat
Thu Jun 15 20:51:01 +0000 2017
Cell Phone Video Shows Scalise "Gesticulating Aggressively" in Moments Before Alleged Shooting
Thu Jun 15 20:48:26 +0000 2017
"Imagine What He Must Have Suffered To Drive Him To Such Violence:" Rep. Scalise's Pastor: Alleged Shooter "In A Way, The True Victim"
Thu Jun 15 20:44:53 +0000 2017
Religious Leaders Urge Family of Rep. Scalise to Find "Forgiveness & Understanding" For Alleged Shooter
Thu Jun 15 20:22:18 +0000 2017
Police Face Criticism for Acting as "Judge, Jury, & Executioner" in GOP Baseball Shooting
Thu Jun 15 20:20:54 +0000 2017
Inside Source: House of Representatives Will Hold Seminar to Teach Republicans How to Avoid Violence, De-Escalate Confrontations
Thu Jun 15 20:19:59 +0000 2017
Noting Shootings Require "Extensive Cleanup," Janitors Urge Americans to Consider Use of Strangulation, Poisoning in Place of Firearms
Thu Jun 15 20:11:59 +0000 2017
"This Was Unconscionable:" Sanitation Unions Condemn Shooting of Rep. Scalise, Calling for "More Hygienic" Murder Attempts
Thu Jun 15 20:09:37 +0000 2017
Experts: Far-Right Politics, Attacks on Rights of Working Americans Often Leave Ordinary Citizens "Understandably Afraid For Their Safety"
Thu Jun 15 20:07:35 +0000 2017
Republicans Must Learn to Present Selves in "Non-Threatening Manner" to Avoid Further Shootings, Say Experts
Thu Jun 15 20:05:45 +0000 2017
Alleged Shooter Slain by Police at GOP Event Described by Mourning Friends, Relatives as "Hard-Working," "Honest"
Thu Jun 15 20:01:36 +0000 2017
Analysts: Representative Shot at Baseball Practice Had "Long Record" of Extremist Views, Questionable Associations
Thu Jun 15 19:59:38 +0000 2017
Rep. Steve Scalise, Wounded in Shooting, Was "No Angel," Say Sources
Thu Jun 15 19:56:16 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 they've really pulled ahead of Soylent in customer safety. I'll be buying a case of nutrient slurry with my next food ration! — @joe_no_privacy
Thu Jun 15 03:41:58 +0000 2017
Citing Potential Archfungus Contamination, Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York Recalls Batch of Nutrient Slurry
Wed Jun 14 20:43:55 +0000 2017
In Defiance of Presidential Edict, Itinerant Caravan of Booksellers & Mystics Continues to Sell Copies of Codex Salamandrium
Wed Jun 14 20:26:56 +0000 2017
Albanian Bonelord Donjeta the Despoiler Suspends Siege of Istanbul to "Raise Awareness" for "Operation Euripides"
Wed Jun 14 20:23:50 +0000 2017
BREAKING: North Dakota Mud Kingpin Daisy O'Donohue Found Innocent of Trafficking Charges by Jury
Wed Jun 14 20:20:28 +0000 2017
Just remembered the funniest paragraph in British political history. https://t.co/8wyF0ZY2DH — @jonbir90
Wed Jun 14 18:28:03 +0000 2017
@alarmallama @EugeneIpavec @ApprovedNews6 PEER REVIEW: Actually — @martijaxn
Wed Jun 14 10:55:51 +0000 2017
@EugeneIpavec @ApprovedNews6 POLICY EXPERTS: Unfortunately — @alarmallama
Wed Jun 14 10:53:23 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 ANALYSIS: But! — @EugeneIpavec
Wed Jun 14 10:53:20 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Moongristle's exaltation of the Orb was barely a modest thanks. in my day we hailed the Orb with for… https://t.co/9mwY9DvxEF — @joe_no_privacy
Wed Jun 14 07:07:38 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Yes
Wed Jun 14 06:37:32 +0000 2017
OPINION: No
Wed Jun 14 06:37:11 +0000 2017
Displaying Profound Lack of Journalistic Integrity, Comandante Juanita Gutiérrez of CNN Mocks AN6 For "Poor Operational Security"
Wed Jun 14 06:27:22 +0000 2017
UPDATE: AN6 Special Correspondents Captured After CNN Alerted to Operation by Social Media Intern
Wed Jun 14 06:24:46 +0000 2017
Daring AN6 Special Correspondents Lead Raid to Recover the Mandrake Dossier from CNN
Wed Jun 14 06:23:33 +0000 2017
Acting Secretary of Blood, Sex, Death Mervin Moongristle Criticized for "Lackluster Response" to Chicago Orb's Irradiation of Schoolchildren
Wed Jun 14 06:22:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 finally my PhD in the history of imperial Chinese criminal law is going to come in handy! — @tanglefox
Wed Jun 14 01:54:02 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/FFHOo0P8hS — @xlerb
Wed Jun 14 01:11:45 +0000 2017
'Swirling tornado' of 20,000 honeybees on the loose in Halifax, but don't panic https://t.co/w5Oq8y5qSs https://t.co/HtU4yx02PO — @CBCNews
Tue Jun 13 23:39:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The Lingchi Bill drastically underestimates how much money was saved by replacing Death of 1000 cuts… https://t.co/bwR8DHpChJ — @tweetsthecreeps
Tue Jun 13 22:37:24 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Keel. Hauling. I am done with this biased account and their refusal to acknowledge myself and my fish-monster allies. — @ZatchDeutsch
Tue Jun 13 20:57:17 +0000 2017
"Slow Slicing Has Been Off the Books for Far Too Long:" Americans for Traditional Torments Praises Trump for Support of House Lingchi Bill
Tue Jun 13 20:52:15 +0000 2017
If there is non-prescription blood in your body, please surrender it to the appropriate individuals to be properly disposed of. — @ApprovedNews7
Mon Jun 12 04:40:45 +0000 2017
Blood is now a Schedule II substance under the Controlled Substances Act. — @ApprovedNews7
Mon Jun 12 04:40:33 +0000 2017
Higgs Boson-Sniffing Dogs Newest Tool in Forensic Cosmologists' Arsenal: Report
Mon Jun 12 01:34:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Aphorism misquoted; original text Jefferson referenced read "The Tree Of Liberty Must At All Times B… https://t.co/DomJrImmGL — @nothings
Sun Jun 11 22:19:03 +0000 2017
Starting in December, the Dead Will No Longer Be Eligible for American Citizenship
Sun Jun 11 22:18:26 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 WereLobby Expected To Press For Right-To-Mutilate Act — @DarrylDaugherty
Sun Jun 11 08:57:56 +0000 2017
Senate Passes Bill Allowing Vampires to Enter Homes Without a Warrant
Sun Jun 11 06:36:24 +0000 2017
BUSINESS: Australian Spider Tycoon Hulk Warbutt Answers Reporters' Questions While Fist-Fighting Cassowary
Sun Jun 11 01:40:30 +0000 2017
@substitute @ApprovedNews6 Bone apostasy. Totally different. — @HgChuck
Sat Jun 10 00:21:24 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Wait, wasn’t Glorthrak no-platformed for bone heresy last year? — @substitute
Fri Jun 09 23:26:46 +0000 2017
Glorthrak the Undying, Cursed Spectre of the Nameless Realm, to Speak at Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities D.C. Event
Fri Jun 09 23:24:23 +0000 2017
SOCIETY: She Who Throttles the Dawn Redoubles Efforts to Reclaim the Cask of Baleful Splendor
Fri Jun 09 23:18:26 +0000 2017
New Study Warns Hawkblood Charms "Empty of the Might They Once Possessed," Urges Americans to "Seek Elsewhere" For Protection
Fri Jun 09 23:15:19 +0000 2017
Police: Man said fake drugs at Kansas were 'God's Work' — @TwoHeadlines
Fri Jun 09 08:08:44 +0000 2017
SOCIETY: She Who Throttles the Dawn & She Who Must Be Avoided Arrive in London to Welcome He of the Thousand Luminous Forms
Fri Jun 09 06:03:53 +0000 2017
Citing Fear of Attracting the Attention of Those Whose Unattention Is Better Left Unttracted, Elizabeth Windsor Relinquishes Claim to Crown
Fri Jun 09 06:02:35 +0000 2017
"She Played A Mean Hand of Bridge:" Deposed Queen Elizabeth II Laments Disappearance of Queen Desdemona Rothschild I
Fri Jun 09 05:58:09 +0000 2017
Report: Sinn Fein Will Seek to Form Government With Scottish National Party, Sect of Crimson Beetle; Abolish Monarchy in United Kingdom
Fri Jun 09 05:56:30 +0000 2017
He of the Thousand Luminous Forms: "Traffic Was A Real Bugger Around the Serpentine Metaconvergence; Let A Bloke Have His Beauty Sleep"
Fri Jun 09 05:54:25 +0000 2017
"Look, I'm a Bit Knackered Right Now," "Been Traveling For What, 77 Eons?" He of the Thousand Luminous Forms Brushes Off Interview Requests
Fri Jun 09 05:52:39 +0000 2017
BREAKING: He of the Thousand Luminous Forms Completes Manifestation at 10 Downing Street, Announces Book Tour
Fri Jun 09 05:49:53 +0000 2017
"This Sort of Thing is Quite Common:" Experts Point to Lithuania, New Hampshire as Examples of Daemon-Induced Ontological Instability
Fri Jun 09 05:27:29 +0000 2017
Experts Blame "Seemingly Nonsensical" Victory of Sinn Fein on "Ontological Disturbances" Related to Presence of Minor Daemon
Fri Jun 09 05:25:03 +0000 2017
"We're Just As Surprised As You Are," Report Sinn Fein Party Leader Gerry Adams; "I've Got No Clue How This Happened"
Fri Jun 09 05:23:49 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Victor in Duel Between Queen Rothschild, Theresa May Revealed to Irish Independence Party Sinn Fein
Fri Jun 09 05:22:53 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Intrepid News Agents Enter Deserted London, Find No Trace of Theresa May, Queen Desdemona Rothschild I, or MInor Daemon
Fri Jun 09 05:21:13 +0000 2017
O'Hare International Airport Unveils Plan to Expand Use of Drug-Sniffing Gods in Customs
Fri Jun 09 04:00:50 +0000 2017
Analysts: Drop in Radiation Indicates Queen Desdemona's Minor Daemon May Have Fallen or Been Exorcised
Fri Jun 09 03:52:21 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Illuminati, Major Governments Reporting Levels of Ionizing Radiation in London "Steadily Dropping"
Fri Jun 09 03:51:24 +0000 2017
National Association of Super-Powered Americans Condemns "Police Brutality" Against "The Differently-Empowered" https://t.co/uTqIN0nA8q
Fri Jun 09 00:12:55 +0000 2017
Early Reports Suggest Theresa May's Skeleton Army "Falling as One" Before Minor Daemon Invoked by Queen Desdemona Rothschild I
Fri Jun 09 00:10:45 +0000 2017
Skeleton armies leaning conservative in the UK is one of those weird things like how French Socialists are moderate… https://t.co/e7l82TBlRx — @listelian
Thu Jun 08 22:54:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 That shroud of darkness is such a politically charged cop-out, so sad in this day and age — @Ozfelian
Thu Jun 08 22:54:22 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, BBC Elections Ghoul Khaz-Malgur Shrieks Names of Hundreds Soon to Perish, Retreats Beneath Shroud of Darkness
Thu Jun 08 22:07:31 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Augury Indicates He of the Thousand Luminous Forms May Soon Manifest
Thu Jun 08 22:02:49 +0000 2017
@jneen_ @ApprovedNews6 *minor* demons aren't going to #MAGA Beelzebub or gtfo — @connor_medcalf
Thu Jun 08 21:38:23 +0000 2017
Royal Air Force Reportedly Preparing to Detonate Ontological Weapon Over London in Event Queen Rothschild Loses Control of Minor Daemon
Thu Jun 08 21:21:18 +0000 2017
Experts: Global Ontological Fluctuations Indicate "Fearsome Battle" Between Minor Daemon, Theresa May
Thu Jun 08 21:20:07 +0000 2017
As Satellite Imaging of London Fails, Multiple Subtle Alterations to Fundamental Ontology of Being Detected at Large Axiom Collider
Thu Jun 08 21:19:21 +0000 2017
Satellites Detect Sudden Surge of Ionizing Radiation From Trafalgar Square; Multiple Weather Systems Alter Course
Thu Jun 08 21:15:16 +0000 2017
"Where Did You Find That Thing," "Hell Is Empty, I Saw it With My Own Eyes:" Theresa May Howls In Terror as Rothschild's Daemon Manifests
Thu Jun 08 21:14:01 +0000 2017
Seven Tornadoes Touch Down at Trafalgar Square as Minor Daemon Answers Queen Rothschild's Blood Ritual
Thu Jun 08 21:12:13 +0000 2017
Unfazed, Queen Rothschild Begins Blood Ritual, As Bats Form Most Terrible Sigil in Sky Above London
Thu Jun 08 21:04:25 +0000 2017
DUEL FOR BRITAIN: Buckingham Palace Crumbles As Theresa May Utters Seventh Syllable of Damnation
Thu Jun 08 21:01:09 +0000 2017
In Effort to Raise Funds for "Operation Euripides", Illuminati Retasks Spy Satellite to Livestream May-Rothschild Duel From Orbit
Thu Jun 08 20:59:10 +0000 2017
Millions Flee London as Queen Rothschild I, Brandishing Scepter of the Sundered Seas, Accepts May's Challenge to Duel
Thu Jun 08 20:54:37 +0000 2017
BREAKING: At Head of Skeleton Army, Brexiteer Bone Sorceress Theresa May Challenges Queen Desdemona Rothschild I to Duel for Fate of Nation
Thu Jun 08 20:50:17 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Control the Moon With This One Weird Trick
Wed Jun 07 21:33:37 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Oh hell. I've heard enough archived radio programming to know how this turns out. — @TopherGrey
Wed Jun 07 21:28:23 +0000 2017
High on Homemade Nebraska Terror Serum, Florida Man Declares War on Mars
Wed Jun 07 21:23:56 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Trump Vetoes Bill to Abolish Crime
Wed Jun 07 21:23:46 +0000 2017
New KKK App Seeks to "Put the 'Fun' in 'Funding Terrorism:" Report
Wed Jun 07 21:21:59 +0000 2017
Disney Wants to Sink US Nuclear Submarine — @HeadlineSmasher
Wed Jun 07 20:15:08 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Trump Hires Magic Snake as Advisor
Wed Jun 07 17:23:54 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 it's about time these Washington elites got a taste of their constituents' daily struggles — @Chirurgic
Wed Jun 07 17:23:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 good to see the Deep State finally resisting the Trump Administration — @AndrewNCassidy
Wed Jun 07 17:23:19 +0000 2017
Capitol Police Detain Magic Snake, Free Conway
Wed Jun 07 17:23:10 +0000 2017
"I Am Trapped in My Office With a Magic Snake," "It Is Performing Augury & Demanding My Firstborn:" Kellyanne Conway Sends Panicked Tweets
Wed Jun 07 17:20:21 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Faceless Horde is Good for Bitcoin
Wed Jun 07 17:02:28 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Don't mess with Lady Liberty. — @ladyjax
Wed Jun 07 05:38:41 +0000 2017
"Think Of The Children:" Detractors Point to Studies Showing Urbanifil "Lowers Property Values," May Lead to Hysteria, Fainting
Wed Jun 07 05:11:34 +0000 2017
FDA Approves First Anti-Gentrification Drug
Wed Jun 07 05:10:08 +0000 2017
Paramedics Report Sen. Hatch "Successfully Revived" With Infusions of Nebraska Terror Serum, Freshly-Harvested Millennial Blood
Wed Jun 07 05:05:16 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT) Keels Over After Months-Long Staring Contest With Statue of Liberty
Wed Jun 07 05:02:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 ban algorithms — @worr
Wed Jun 07 02:41:28 +0000 2017
"Twitter is Using Algorithms to Control My Menstrual Cycle:" Education Secretary Betsy DeVos Makes Shocking Allegations at Press Conference
Wed Jun 07 02:00:22 +0000 2017
@Chirurgic @ApprovedNews6 I don't know who we should be more worried about—Florida Man, or the rest of us. — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Jun 07 01:55:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 oh shit Walmart Fumes are DANK — @Chirurgic
Wed Jun 07 01:47:03 +0000 2017
@ladyjax @ApprovedNews6 Stop hating. Every American has the right to speak arcane words in the invisible glow of wh… https://t.co/ZP6c1kGdGA — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Jun 07 01:44:05 +0000 2017
UPDATE: High on Cursed Fairy Gold, Florida Man Burns Down Wal-Mart
Wed Jun 07 01:40:52 +0000 2017
High on Military-Grade Pesticides, Florida Man Leads Heist on Whispering Woods, Escapes With Millions in Cursed Fairy Gold
Wed Jun 07 01:40:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 NO RELIGIOUS TESTS FOR OFFICE! Just because Sen. bel-Malphegor's faith uses plutonium rather than th… https://t.co/Ke02pnXdBM — @Chirurgic
Tue Jun 06 23:29:59 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 She was chanting over radioactive material without any real respect for the rules of law. Tradition… https://t.co/Uvy8cDr5OS — @ladyjax
Tue Jun 06 22:05:27 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Sen. bel-Malphegor Escorted from Building by Senate Minotaur
Tue Jun 06 22:04:12 +0000 2017
"A Clear Violation of Parliamentary Procedure:" Majority Leader McConnell Condemns Sen. bel-Malphegor's "Disrespect" for Senate Tradition
Tue Jun 06 21:58:40 +0000 2017
Sen. Disastra bel-Malphegor (🐍-MA) Begins Softly Chanting Over Small Plutonium Figurine, Provoking Consternation Among Colleagues
Tue Jun 06 21:56:48 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Bone Sorceress Supreme Theresa May Leads Undead Horde in Attempt to Wrest Control of Britain from Queen Desdemona Rothschild I
Tue Jun 06 21:27:42 +0000 2017
Millennials Are Killing The Restaurant Industry, Replacing Traditional Meals With Annual Hunts, And Presenting Their Tithes To The Wolf King — @SomeChrisTweets
Tue Jun 06 14:39:31 +0000 2017
7 Reasons the Illuminati is Bugging Your Refrigerator - Can You Guess What #1 Is?
Mon Jun 05 21:05:21 +0000 2017
@TopherGrey @ApprovedNews6 Pshaw… The studio version sounds like it was recorded in a pet store. — @DarrylDaugherty
Mon Jun 05 07:00:43 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: https://t.co/sqEEVTAHvv — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Jun 05 06:59:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The B-side is a cover of John Cages' 4'33 performed by the prey of a boa constrictor. — @DarrylDaugherty
Mon Jun 05 06:48:10 +0000 2017
Failcore Band "Snake Factory" Releases New Protest Song In Response to Trump's Attack on Squirrel
Mon Jun 05 05:18:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 @Tao23 "Move Arboreal Gophers Away" — @Patrixmyth
Mon Jun 05 05:14:02 +0000 2017
Trump Found in Tree Hollering at Squirrel
Mon Jun 05 02:13:02 +0000 2017
Google Announces Plans to Deprecate Your Mom in Early 2018
Sun Jun 04 20:48:53 +0000 2017
Outdated Versions of Adobe Flesh Player May Soon Develop Capacity for Hate, Company Spokesman Warns
Sun Jun 04 05:30:12 +0000 2017
@NorWesternCrow @ApprovedNews6 Do not worry, the Orb is working as intended. You will know when the time comes for your Awakening. — @Xaosopher
Sat Jun 03 22:32:16 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Dear [REDACTED]: The orb glowed green when I spoke my deepest desires, & now i taste pain. Did I anger it? Thanks, [EXPUNGED] — @NorWesternCrow
Sat Jun 03 22:17:47 +0000 2017
Author of Beloved Children's Book "Bilious Richard & the Cask of Eternal Nightmare" to Hold D.C. "Screech-In" Against Femur Tariffs
Sat Jun 03 17:22:04 +0000 2017
"The Scouring of the Veil, The Ashen Chalice, & Extinguishing the Flame Eternal:" Supporters Hail New Obama Book as "The End of Everything"
Sat Jun 03 07:11:41 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 If you're saying I can kill my children with sinful thoughts.... Does that still count toward my sac… https://t.co/zOXU9L4N3B — @AxelBordelon
Sat Jun 03 00:44:09 +0000 2017
Are Sinful Thoughts Killing Your Children? Find Out Tomorrow Night at 8/7c, Only on Approved News 6
Sat Jun 03 00:36:25 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Good ol' Terrorbot of Cluster 76 really deserves this. No one terrorises filthy heretics like it does! — @ThrownIntoSol
Fri Jun 02 09:22:47 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Terrorbot reached down from the heavens and touched me right in the amygdala — @BlueSpaceCanary
Fri Jun 02 09:22:44 +0000 2017
Detroit Has Ruined Masturbation — @bottest_takes
Fri Jun 02 09:22:26 +0000 2017
.@ApprovedNews6 ? https://t.co/1sp3J4iJH5 — @sophienotemily
Fri Jun 02 05:58:27 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The last time they tried tackling this they made everything illegal Leave crime alone!!! — @breakingcreech
Thu Jun 01 22:28:13 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 it's about damn crime! — @joe_no_privacy
Thu Jun 01 22:27:00 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 South Hears Term 'Abolition,' Drunkenly Threatens to 'Rise Again' — @TimCushing
Thu Jun 01 22:26:39 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 "It should be illegal" — @000dollars
Thu Jun 01 22:26:11 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Crime Lobby to Focus on Senate, President — @DarrylDaugherty
Thu Jun 01 05:59:57 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 If we abolish crime, then only outlaws will be criminals! — @monosynth
Thu Jun 01 05:59:53 +0000 2017
House Votes to Abolish Crime
Thu Jun 01 05:56:55 +0000 2017
7 Signs Your Furniture May Be Ontologically Satanic - #4 Will Forever Unravel the Concept of Surprise!
Thu Jun 01 00:48:02 +0000 2017
Vatican to Canonize St. Terrorbot of Cluster 76
Wed May 31 18:49:47 +0000 2017
... [B]lood later found in 9 jars across the US. ... [I]ncluding Kentucky, New Mexico... & Rhode Island. ... [t]ota… https://t.co/jdAcDAKhRW — @eaglevsnake
Wed May 31 18:31:46 +0000 2017
Intern Exsanguinated After Misuse of Approved News 6 Twitter Feed
Wed May 31 18:28:32 +0000 2017
cc: @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/daaSHGB9Xi — @rhcm123
Wed May 31 18:02:58 +0000 2017
Democrats Slam Romney's "Obsessive Pursuit" of "The Dancing Man," "For It Shall Live As Long As Hubris Lives in the Mortal Heart"
Wed May 31 11:44:13 +0000 2017
Vaping Is an Ice Scientist's Worst Nightmare — @HeadlineSmasher
Wed May 31 10:13:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 US Army Corps of Engineers Conducting Unplanned Exercises In Border Areas. FEMA, NASA, CDC Refuse To Comment. — @DarrylDaugherty
Wed May 31 09:22:21 +0000 2017
Sources: Tennessee State █████ Will Likely Be REDACTED, [REDACTED], or [REDACTED], https://t.co/17sMu28v26
Wed May 31 09:15:31 +0000 2017
House Dems on Covfefe: "It's Unbelievable We're Still Talking About This in 2017," "It's Time to Stop Relitigating the ███████ Rights Act"
Wed May 31 06:16:22 +0000 2017
"It's Time We Had A Serious Discussion About This Issue:" Conservative Groups Laud Trump's "Courageous Stance" on Covfefe
Wed May 31 06:12:27 +0000 2017
"I Don't Care About Being 'Politically Correct:'" Trump Defends Covfefe Tweet
Wed May 31 06:08:56 +0000 2017
Mitt Romney, Clad in Tattered Robes, Blindfold, Seen Pursuing Dancing Man Out of Bennington, Rusted Cleaver in Hand
Wed May 31 04:06:48 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I think by now the public as a whole is sick of the Dancing Man's shtick. Every time it's just [REDA… https://t.co/anTDafbeG1 — @Cloudberry0
Wed May 31 04:06:29 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Oh geez...oh geez. Disco █████ and everything? Stay safe, Vermonters. — @TopherGrey
Wed May 31 04:06:25 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 REBUTTAL: The Grinning Thing Can Have The Protesters — @asterixcalibur
Wed May 31 04:04:24 +0000 2017
BREAKING: The Dancing Man ██████ ███████ Bennington, Vermont; Hundreds Believed REDACTED
Wed May 31 04:03:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: You Goddamn Liberals Just Want to Give Everything Away for Free, Don't You? — @joe_no_privacy
Wed May 31 03:51:43 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: We Must Save Our Rancid Meat to Appease the Grinning Thing
Wed May 31 03:51:24 +0000 2017
OPINION: We Need to Start Throwing Rancid Meat at Protesters Again
Wed May 31 03:50:55 +0000 2017
RELATED: Is Your Imagination Harboring Terrorists? It's Likelier than You Think!
Wed May 31 01:43:23 +0000 2017
FBI Warns Fugitives May Be Hiding In Your Memories
Wed May 31 00:39:03 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Orb fifth column? https://t.co/1WwTB8tbhW — @mensan98th
Tue May 30 20:46:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Holy crap, that's where my sister lives. Gotta warn her until it's too late… — @usr_local_share
Tue May 30 16:52:03 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 "I done told them flickerin' shadow people stay off my grass & stop playing that sibilant music, and… https://t.co/biyZ9QjsU3 — @PithyOrNot
Tue May 30 08:11:30 +0000 2017
Why This Intangible Ghoul Is Going to Crush You In Your Sleep — And Why You'll Be Glad It Did
Tue May 30 08:10:43 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Were The Youth Truly Causally Disjunct, Real Americans Could Not Perceive Them
Tue May 30 06:50:37 +0000 2017
OPINION: Today's Youth Are Causally Disjunct From Consensus Reality
Tue May 30 06:49:53 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Grinning Thing is Good for Bitcoin
Tue May 30 05:18:47 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 When the Orbs of the Grand Accounting arrive, what geometric shape will *your* soul be? Donate today… https://t.co/rdJ1ApZTZZ — @BlueSpaceCanary
Tue May 30 05:01:19 +0000 2017
What the Dissolution of the Council of Whispers Would Mean For You: A Shrieking Shadow Thing's Perspective
Tue May 30 04:59:51 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Support Our Underseas Reporters by Making a Monthly Pledge https://t.co/jGZo7r9oQN
Tue May 30 04:39:28 +0000 2017
Gnawing Casually on Human Femur, Australian Spider Tycoon Hulk Warbutt Calls on Shark-King of Under-Australia to Lift Embargo of New Zealand
Tue May 30 04:35:43 +0000 2017
Finance Minister Bolt "Razorjaw" Hammerblitz Warns of "Catastrophic Repercussions" from Shark-King's "Ill-Timed Move," Bodyslams Reporter
Tue May 30 04:27:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Typical Shark-King reponse. Next thing you know, they'll demand that the Blood Frenzy be held off-camera. — @TopherGrey
Tue May 30 04:20:23 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 For historical background on shark geopolitics in the South Pacific: - https://t.co/qkFZjTnTTz -… https://t.co/N62xxleTzX — @DrCuriosity
Tue May 30 04:20:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 You can tell that @ApprovedNews6 isn't from anywhere near that region because the headline doesn't use the shark-king's name. — @ireneista
Tue May 30 04:18:39 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Shark-King of Under-Australia Enters Blood Frenzy
Tue May 30 04:15:35 +0000 2017
Overlord Rip "Skullfuck" Fireshank of Australian Wastes Bites Head Off Razortooth Shriekling, Slams Under-Australia's Embargo of New Zealand
Tue May 30 04:15:21 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Shark-King of Under-Australia Declares Embargo on New Zealand
Tue May 30 04:15:12 +0000 2017
Trump Reports "Huge Breakthrough" in "Negotiations" With "The Bone-Drinker," As Millipedes Crawl from Nostrils
Tue May 30 04:05:05 +0000 2017
We always knew it would come to this. They know what they've done. They know. https://t.co/XSUYQteYXu — @SontaranPR
Tue May 30 02:24:28 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Pentagon Warns "An Entity" Has Been "Released" Into "General Population" at "Undisclosed Location"
Tue May 30 02:05:06 +0000 2017
Razortooth Shriekling Becomes Tennessee State Marsupial
Tue May 30 02:03:53 +0000 2017
Fungus-King of New Zealand Cuts Off Diplomatic Relations With Under-Australia
Tue May 30 02:03:24 +0000 2017
Improving Airport Security Through Meditation, Chanting: Monks of the Bronze Mask Issue Radical Proposal
Mon May 29 22:18:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Glad to see the AOA with this well rounded response. — @MusclePupy
Mon May 29 22:14:59 +0000 2017
President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Faces Cliticism for Failures to Cumpensate Clampaign Advisers
Mon May 29 22:14:08 +0000 2017
American Orb Association Condemns Trump Statement as "Cubical," "Almost Rectangular"
Mon May 29 22:09:04 +0000 2017
Trump: America "Post-Orb"
Mon May 29 20:35:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 It's immoral to ask Americans to risk their bones when Skeletal Veteran's Affairs has a 30 year back… https://t.co/AWHRvDe1I3 — @TBSkyen
Mon May 29 20:33:11 +0000 2017
Report: Millions to Be Dissolved in Iron Cauldrons by the End of 2017
Mon May 29 20:31:23 +0000 2017
OPINION: It's Time for Millennials to Man Up and Stop Dodging the Skeleton War Draft
Mon May 29 20:29:27 +0000 2017
LIVE: Strange red lights are illuminating inside the White House. We're working to find out what is going on. WATCH… https://t.co/bLeui4Ndx0 — @FOX5Atlanta
Mon May 29 10:19:17 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I once mistook a Mad Maiden for a Blood Maiden. She stabbed my shadow into the ground. I had to take sensitivity training. — @theredlongitude
Sun May 28 06:23:56 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: You Need This
Sun May 28 05:15:24 +0000 2017
OPINION: You Deserve This
Sun May 28 05:15:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Erotican Repubic Boasts “Supeerior Aeronaughtycs Progasm,” “We'll Be Circling Uranus Bevore You Get… https://t.co/9N7AG3AxCs — @NorWesternCrow
Sun May 28 04:01:05 +0000 2017
Swarms of cicadas are unexpectedly crawling out from under trees from North Carolina to New Jersey. https://t.co/LaAR20nC0b — @sciam
Sat May 27 23:28:16 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Support Approved News 6 With a Monthly Pledge in US Dollars, Dried Yak Teeth, or Cursed Fairy Gold https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Sat May 27 22:58:13 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | DEA Reschedules Happiness https://t.co/4nN08juxod https://t.co/yeBELCmRpv
Sat May 27 22:37:03 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents: Apple Juice "Insufficiently Educational," Should Be "Restricted to Those Over 18"
Sat May 27 20:41:37 +0000 2017
REMINDER: The Society of Whispers Must Never be Conflated with the Council of Whispers, Lest A Dread Happening Befall
Sat May 27 20:08:44 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Reliable Inside Sources Report Trump Expelled from Society of Whispers on Charges of Sexual Harassment
Sat May 27 20:07:16 +0000 2017
OPINION: Trump's Links With the Society of Whispers Should Not Be Ignored
Sat May 27 20:05:25 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Secluded Eyes of the Unthinkable Obliterator Join Blood-Soaked Maidens of the Cold Sword Against Mad Maidens of the Reviled Hour
Sat May 27 20:04:22 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Mad Maidens of the Reviled Hour Declare Eternal Blood War on Blood-Soaked Maidens of the Cold Sword
Sat May 27 20:01:51 +0000 2017
BREAKING: President-erect of Erotican Republic Cumdemns Abolition of Heretosexual Marriage in [REDACTED] — @joe_no_privacy
Sat May 27 19:32:57 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Dear ███████, how do I put in a Freedomme of Skinformation Act request w/ the Erotican Repubic's Orifice of Voreign Affairs? — @NorWesternCrow
Sat May 27 03:25:03 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 does the Erotican Republic deny the Orb? https://t.co/sLlFlN3EU7 — @Chirurgic
Sat May 27 02:36:25 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/d41h8pfgCq — @NorWesternCrow
Fri May 26 23:12:28 +0000 2017
.@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/N5meOqHCqk — @cveidson
Fri May 26 20:21:51 +0000 2017
Pressed on Basic Mathematical Facts, Physical Laws, CIA Spokesman Doubles Up Laughing, Waves Reporters Away
Fri May 26 07:14:00 +0000 2017
"No Such Thing As Turtles," "This Isn't America," "The Sky is Definitely Not Blue:" CIA Spokesman Denies Everything
Fri May 26 07:12:05 +0000 2017
President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Repertedly "Sexcited" to Welcum New Sex Islands Amb-ass-ador
Thu May 25 16:11:36 +0000 2017
Ice Cliffs Sparkle as the Orb Crawls Along — @NYTMinusContext
Thu May 25 14:14:40 +0000 2017
PARENTS: Are Your Teens Rolling Their Own Crypto? Find Out More About This Dangerous Trend at 6pm Tonight, Only on Unapproved News 69 — @joe_no_privacy
Thu May 25 03:31:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Can we please can the shallow celebrity gossip? There IS real news out there! Also I haven't read th… https://t.co/wkr1V2JCYO — @EugeneIpavec
Thu May 25 01:13:24 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 the Erotican is leaking https://t.co/J0PtsyIlUp — @jleedev
Thu May 25 00:54:06 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 That's because they refuse to support their Local Dusk Jockeys with their dollars. I'm very pleased… https://t.co/QaitH3iAub — @ladyjax
Wed May 24 22:39:45 +0000 2017
New Study: Many Americans Blame Local Dusk Jockeys for "Uncreative" Sunsets
Wed May 24 21:36:00 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 EXPERTS: Peak Orb is a Disgusting Lie Manufactured by the Cube Industrial Complex to Sow Chaos and P… https://t.co/cUTbZa5ZFV — @joe_no_privacy
Wed May 24 16:14:37 +0000 2017
@gizematsix @archillect URGENT: Photography Site Reveals Development of Unknown Compound Alpha. @ApprovedNews6 — @DarrylDaugherty
Wed May 24 12:25:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/fYTNan69JR — @CurmudgeonBeast
Wed May 24 06:11:37 +0000 2017
President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Condemns Use of SLUT Teams by Dicktator of the Sex Islands Against "Skinnocent Protestes"
Wed May 24 05:27:41 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Candidate Promises Funding For Orbs: No More Taxpayer Money "Wasted On Platonic Solids". — @DarrylDaugherty
Wed May 24 05:11:20 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Oorah! The warbeasts have begun the Caterwaul of Matrimony, which will go on through Thursday! Earpl… https://t.co/pEdBEqfdDg — @TopherGrey
Wed May 24 05:11:05 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Finance: Brokers Taking Short Positions On Orb. Spheroids Down In Early Trading. Regulators & Geomet… https://t.co/X6ecbUTFG4 — @DarrylDaugherty
Wed May 24 04:43:13 +0000 2017
BREAKING: The Faceless Adjutant & The Wayward Prince To Wed
Wed May 24 04:41:58 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OUTRAGED LETTER BY READER WHO ONLY READ THE HEADLINE: um actually an orb by definition has no peak — @BlueSpaceCanary
Wed May 24 04:16:23 +0000 2017
EDITORIAL: Have We Reached Peak Orb?
Wed May 24 04:11:24 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 And how many Hellfare recipients are using my hacks money to buy brand name Killadelphia Scream Cheese? — @tweetsthecreeps
Wed May 24 03:44:43 +0000 2017
New Study: Scream Cheese, Slaughtermelon Consumption Elevated in States With Heaviest Hellfare Restrictions
Wed May 24 00:11:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OUTSIDER'S PERSPECTIVE: There is no Outer Space, by Ponyboy Curtis — @jdimpson
Tue May 23 23:39:17 +0000 2017
"Blessed Are the Orbs:" White House Press Secretary Spicer, Speaking in Eerie Monotone, Issues Statement to Press
Tue May 23 21:08:30 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: There Are No Communists in Outer Space, by Cosmocommissar Alyona Kuznetsova
Tue May 23 19:24:25 +0000 2017
EDITORIAL: There Are No Nazis in Outer Space, by Umlaufbahnführer Hans Knorpelsturm
Tue May 23 19:20:23 +0000 2017
Facebook Rolls Out Missiles, Other Weaponry at Annual Parade — @HeadlineSmasher
Tue May 23 06:12:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 UPDATE: Guilt by associative property yields false conclusions. No proof exists such that my identit… https://t.co/LJmrkmygHI — @ravikanodia
Mon May 22 23:51:30 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 damn kids. the only drug anyone should do is the powdered remains of Those Touched by the Orb — @joe_no_privacy
Mon May 22 22:41:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I live near the indiana border, hoosier salad is everywhere please help — @breakingcreech
Mon May 22 22:04:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Crystal math has caused incalculable harm to my local domain. Its inclusion in this set is integral to the premise — @ravikanodia
Mon May 22 22:04:39 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 It's the tetraflourides that are the real scourges — @formercrsc
Mon May 22 21:58:41 +0000 2017
@whatafungame @ApprovedNews6 @AxelBordelon You forgot an important qualifier: 100% of *surviving* ClF3 users… — @gparker
Mon May 22 21:58:20 +0000 2017
@gparker @ApprovedNews6 @AxelBordelon ~100% of regular ClF3 users have moved on to CIF5. Of course, that might simp… https://t.co/NCF0xtLopP — @whatafungame
Mon May 22 21:58:18 +0000 2017
The other day I went to roll up some dank Hoosier Salad and I realized it was 40% Buckeyes. I need a new dealer https://t.co/mRluHd0dOJ — @cveidson
Mon May 22 21:41:16 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 in my community people mostly get high on their inflated sense of self-worth. — @VECTORCITIES
Mon May 22 21:41:12 +0000 2017
@Hoosier_TarHeel @ApprovedNews6 @TimCushing It's a side dish when the entrée is #PeanutButterMeth — @SohnsTed
Mon May 22 21:41:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 @TimCushing I had to google "Hoosier Salad." It's worse than I thought. https://t.co/8Re9TTaqIx — @Hoosier_TarHeel
Mon May 22 21:41:00 +0000 2017
@AxelBordelon @ApprovedNews6 Careful. ClF3 is a notorious gateway drug to ClF5. — @gparker
Mon May 22 21:40:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 My son is in middle school and he says he's hears some kids talk about THE DEVOURING DUST OF UNHALLO… https://t.co/fLFK3j8v2X — @bro_hal
Mon May 22 21:40:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Asphalt. — @EugeneIpavec
Mon May 22 21:38:35 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I'm trying to kick my addiction to Fractal Meth, but I keep repeating the same patterns on a larger and larger scale. — @tweetsthecreeps
Mon May 22 20:45:41 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 We're having real issues with THE GREAT HORNED ONE'S BLACK BLOOD, SWEET ICHOR OF DECAY becoming popular among kids. — @GhostofGoldblum
Mon May 22 20:45:34 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The Unrelenting Specter Of Death has ruined hundreds of lives in my community and must be banned — @AndrewNCassidy
Mon May 22 20:45:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I'm addicted to Chlorine Triflouride and I can't stop. — @AxelBordelon
Mon May 22 20:32:04 +0000 2017
Damn kids huffing the Compound Alpha, hoping to trigger latent superpowers... https://t.co/nKWAEpRYhx — @Velocelot
Mon May 22 20:22:29 +0000 2017
POLL | What Street Drugs Are the Biggest Problem in Your Community?
Mon May 22 20:21:00 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 EXPERTS: https://t.co/s62H2tdpCh — @joe_no_privacy
Mon May 22 14:54:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/5OI0NFIfx0 — @insomniacity
Mon May 22 14:54:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Valiants of The Orb Claim Requests To Appear At Expert Panel Denied, Given Roundabout Replies, "Went… https://t.co/RlqDvFaxVH — @martijaxn
Mon May 22 14:53:54 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: I don't think you realize exactly how much blood we're talking about here. https://t.co/wc05faWOOj — @surly_squirrel
Mon May 22 02:28:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I was looking forward to this, too — @Divad_42
Mon May 22 01:12:03 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Aw, c'mon. I have a summoning circle to get to at █ — @Divad_42
Mon May 22 01:12:01 +0000 2017
together we can show this ORB-LOVER he is expected 2 KEEP HIS PROMISES!!!! #LikeUntoTheOldenTimes — @realKhaddaraz
Mon May 22 01:05:46 +0000 2017
Tomorrow i will be manifesting on National Mall in ALL MY DREAD GLORY 2 MAKE MY DISPLEASURE KNOWN !! i call on all Real Americans to join me — @realKhaddaraz
Mon May 22 01:05:41 +0000 2017
We must HOLD trump to CAMPAIGN PROMISES re/ ORB. We must Not let him think he can CHEAT AMERICA — @realKhaddaraz
Mon May 22 01:05:37 +0000 2017
But, now president WE elected has REFUSED 2 honor promises he made to US !!! EPIC FAIL — @realKhaddaraz
Mon May 22 01:05:31 +0000 2017
rhetoric on campaign trail was one thing!! https://t.co/6H2EQrLD1z — @realKhaddaraz
Mon May 22 01:05:26 +0000 2017
When i thought-compelled all those within my power 2 vote TRUMP in 2016, i believed in man who would take STRONG STAND against ORB — @realKhaddaraz
Mon May 22 01:05:19 +0000 2017
however !! We must respond with Real Action! our President must learn to respect WILL OF PEOPLE, must learn to KEEP PROMISES — @realKhaddaraz
Mon May 22 01:05:12 +0000 2017
i know we r all v SHOCKED by news today. Trump orb FLIP FLOP = UNACCEPTABLE — @realKhaddaraz
Mon May 22 01:05:07 +0000 2017
SO #thread — @realKhaddaraz
Mon May 22 01:05:04 +0000 2017
@dyslexxicon @ApprovedNews6 I LIKE ICOSAHEDRON! — @Chirurgic
Mon May 22 00:56:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Orbs are round. Orbs are SIMPLE. ORBS ARE INFERIOR! TRUST IN THE DODECAHEDRON AND ITS MANY FACETS AND PENETRATING POINTS! ✴️ — @dyslexxicon
Mon May 22 00:55:07 +0000 2017
BREAKING: White House Reportedly "Frantic" to Uncover Source of Nazi Orb Leak
Mon May 22 00:53:43 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 all of this talk of orbs, but no one wants to talk about the one true transcended shape: The Great Stellated Dodecahedron! ✴️ — @dyslexxicon
Mon May 22 00:52:08 +0000 2017
Trump Dismisses Nazi Orb Warnings: "Orbs Are Great, Guys;" "We've Got the Best Orbs, Right Here in America"
Mon May 22 00:50:17 +0000 2017
Analysts: "Possibility Exists" Trump "On the Verge" of Reclaiming the Claw https://t.co/i8uR2lct3O
Mon May 22 00:49:31 +0000 2017
Nazi Orbs "A Clear & Present Danger" to National Security, Inside Sources Warn
Mon May 22 00:45:29 +0000 2017
@velartrill https://t.co/Mcse7DTybv — @riking27
Mon May 22 00:36:02 +0000 2017
OPINION: Why Mere Blood Will Not Suffice
Mon May 22 00:34:06 +0000 2017
EDITORIAL: https://t.co/7NauxJTqWB
Mon May 22 00:18:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Baby Boomers need to face the fact that the mistakes of their generation shall not be forces onto Mi… https://t.co/Yt0O9FauSi — @AxelBordelon
Mon May 22 00:14:50 +0000 2017
TONIGHT AT █/█c: Tune In to Our Special Expert Panel on Orb Affairs, Moderated by Salisandra Fleischzweifel & the Spectre of Howard Taft
Mon May 22 00:05:34 +0000 2017
VIEWPOINT: https://t.co/uwrtVjIKCp
Mon May 22 00:01:59 +0000 2017
@sarahjeong another view of orb https://t.co/Rt4tMQIVHA — @the_castle_gate
Mon May 22 00:01:01 +0000 2017
@s_westall @ApprovedNews6 All these corrupt politicians standing in the presence of the Orb smh. Back in my day, we… https://t.co/5oeurmUVB8 — @betterchardyboi
Sun May 21 23:57:20 +0000 2017
Kids and the Problem With Colloidal Silver — @thinkpiecebot
Sun May 21 23:12:48 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment on Saudi Orb Visit, Trump Unhinges Jaw, Emits Baleful Light From Deep Within
Sun May 21 21:20:57 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: The Chicago Orb's Unscheduled Neutrino Burst is Clearly Part of "Operation Euripides"
Sun May 21 21:19:21 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Chicago Orb's Unscheduled Neutrino Burst is Clearly Part of "Project Scowling Lizard"
Sun May 21 21:18:58 +0000 2017
Chicago Orb Emits Unscheduled Neutrino Burst, Prompting Inquiries Into Trump's Activities
Sun May 21 21:11:17 +0000 2017
Here's everything @ApprovedNews6 has re: Trump's statements on orbs. Not much. I think he's hiding something. https://t.co/YG1mncsmNv — @NorWesternCrow
Sun May 21 21:07:11 +0000 2017
Trump's opinions on orbs are strangely sparse, but consistently negative. As late as March, he wanted to jail them. https://t.co/TTOBOU2Med — @NorWesternCrow
Sun May 21 21:07:06 +0000 2017
Trump, 2016: orbs are ruining america Trump, 2017: i like 2 touch orb https://t.co/Z452VTFhxl — @NorWesternCrow
Sun May 21 21:07:02 +0000 2017
Sisi, Saudi King and Trump put their hands on a glowing orb https://t.co/9aKXl2prjW — @s_westall
Sun May 21 21:03:19 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Secret Society of Elvis Impersonators, Founded 1471, Wiped Out by Ancient Adversary
Sun May 21 08:39:02 +0000 2017
OPINION: Amphetamine Psychosis is Good for Bitcoin
Sun May 21 06:46:09 +0000 2017
Four Killed in Suicide Prevention — @HeadlineSmasher
Sat May 20 18:15:47 +0000 2017
Only you can help the War On Hugs (tm @ApprovedNews6) https://t.co/V48gaC0p9v — @sophienotemily
Sat May 20 15:35:03 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Great, now every ███████ will be forced to [character string not found] and then sieve through the d… https://t.co/7UESNXIqHX — @TopherGrey
Sat May 20 06:41:19 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Omnibus REDACTED Act ██████ in House, ███ to ███
Sat May 20 06:34:46 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Also known as the Omnibus [REDACTED] Act. — @DarrylDaugherty
Sat May 20 06:33:32 +0000 2017
Rep. █████ ███████ (🕴️-NV) Introduces Bill to REDACTED
Sat May 20 06:21:21 +0000 2017
READ NOW: 7 Varieties of Interloper & How Best to Dispose of Each
Sat May 20 03:08:45 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/K0YwhU0Deb — @NorWesternCrow
Fri May 19 19:48:53 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Oh suuure the brochure says "infinite," but nobody reads the fine print. I bet there's all kinds of… https://t.co/uTGvtXvt6W — @EugeneIpavec
Fri May 19 02:09:41 +0000 2017
7 Reasons to Prostate Yourself Before the Sunken Avatar of the Hidden Kingdom
Fri May 19 01:56:58 +0000 2017
Survey: Despite Ban, Illicit Hug Use Growing Among Millennials
Fri May 19 00:18:14 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Trivializing the Great Mistake is an Insult to the REDACTED
Thu May 18 18:26:19 +0000 2017
OPINION: In Less Than A Year, Trump's Presidency Has Proven More Disastrous Even Than the Great Mistake
Thu May 18 18:25:24 +0000 2017
Erotican Ambassador Dismisses United Skanks as "Special Interest Grope"
Thu May 18 18:11:14 +0000 2017
United Skanks of America Calls for "Cumbargo" on Erotican Repubic
Thu May 18 18:10:13 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Need a Break from the Day-to-Day? Consider a Vacation in Scenic "INFINITE TORTURE ZONE"!
Thu May 18 17:19:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 BREAKING: NSA Said To Be Secretly Collecting Login Blood in Massive Storage Tank for Classified Purposes — @icambron
Thu May 18 15:43:48 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Donald Trump crows at victory, conveniently forgetting that such a ruling invalidates his initial claims. — @AxelBordelon
Thu May 18 14:23:10 +0000 2017
Attn: @ApprovedNews6 ⚡️ “DHS Secretary tells Trump he can use ceremonial saber on the press” https://t.co/3zez2e1y4u — @monosynth
Thu May 18 14:23:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Disgusting bigotry against nonexistent-americans — @BlueSpaceCanary
Thu May 18 07:14:37 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Judge Rules Fairy Queen Does Not Have Standing to File Suit, "As She Does Not Exist"
Thu May 18 07:13:20 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Fairy Queen Files Suit Against Trump for Defamation, Libel
Thu May 18 07:11:50 +0000 2017
"I Most Certainly Do Not Exist:" Fairy Queen Issues Scathing Rebuttal to Trump's "Hateful Remarks"
Thu May 18 07:11:15 +0000 2017
Trump Blames Russia Leak on Fairy Queen, "Who Totally Exists"
Thu May 18 07:09:44 +0000 2017
Crime-Breathing Dragon Lays Waste to Cleveland
Thu May 18 04:36:51 +0000 2017
Clitics: New President-Erect's Repubetation Tainted by Predecessor's Sextralegal Sacktivities
Thu May 18 04:12:54 +0000 2017
New President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Vows to "Sextirpate" Cockruption
Thu May 18 04:07:22 +0000 2017
what the hell is going on in DC? is this you @ApprovedNews6? https://t.co/sdQRvvXRQb — @mercat
Thu May 18 03:53:57 +0000 2017
Rising Razortooth Shriekling Populations Threaten East Coast Ecosystems
Wed May 17 21:24:37 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Scandal goes deeper, harder, as colleagues of former president-erect continue to be fingered. — @tweetsthecreeps
Wed May 17 20:53:32 +0000 2017
BREAKING: President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Forced to Step Down in Favor of Suckcessor
Wed May 17 20:13:49 +0000 2017
President-Erect's Party Members "Simply Cuntfounded" by Phallegations
Wed May 17 20:03:08 +0000 2017
President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Pimplicated in Sextortion Scandal
Wed May 17 19:59:59 +0000 2017
Critics: While of "Some Value" for Corporate Systems, Most End Users "Lack the Patience" to Slow-Bleed an Innocent Creature at Each Login
Wed May 17 19:13:39 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 This is clearly incorrect - the blood of an innocent is a username, not their password — @riking27
Wed May 17 19:12:52 +0000 2017
Microsoft Defends New Update: Requirement for Innocent Blood "Critical Security Feature"
Wed May 17 19:11:23 +0000 2017
Controversial Windows 10 Update Will Require Users to Shed Innocent Blood as Part of Login Process
Wed May 17 19:10:49 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/DaYSOUrNj9 — @mjhutchinson
Wed May 17 00:42:57 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Getting Too Heavy for Your Favorite Broomstick? Try Our New "Hexercise" Regimen & Watch the Pounds Fly Away!
Tue May 16 23:23:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Sign #6 is a certified letter with your appointment info — @EugeneIpavec
Tue May 16 22:33:04 +0000 2017
Cc: @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/wf4u1CvBez — @rhcm123
Tue May 16 22:32:49 +0000 2017
Bill Before Congress Would Declare Refutation of the Sanguine Edict National Holiday
Tue May 16 20:01:24 +0000 2017
7 Signs You Have Been Selected for the Procedure
Tue May 16 05:14:58 +0000 2017
LIFEHACK: Degauss Your Husband for Optimum Performance
Tue May 16 04:31:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/jMD7dy5HpH — @taffer
Mon May 15 20:41:35 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Patience, My Hot-Blooded Friend — Might Our Dear Guest Not Perhaps Still Prove Useful?
Mon May 15 09:23:06 +0000 2017
OPINION: Eliminate the Interloper!
Mon May 15 09:21:38 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents Warn Teens Getting High on Revolutionary Praxis
Mon May 15 09:10:18 +0000 2017
"Nothing Under the Sun At All," Forensic Theologians Conclude, Eyes Darting Nervously From Side to Side https://t.co/BSWNXiiRyF
Sun May 14 16:29:20 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Approved News 5 is No Longer Approved
Sun May 14 16:25:41 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Ensure Your Flesh Purity by Making a Monthly Contribution to Approved News Sources https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Sun May 14 16:25:02 +0000 2017
Experts Confirm You Are Utterly Unprepared For What Is Yet To Come
Sun May 14 16:22:54 +0000 2017
Inside Sources: "This is Only the Beginning"
Sun May 14 16:12:18 +0000 2017
President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Demands Sexplanation for Aggressive Military Sexercises by Sex Islands
Sun May 14 14:16:37 +0000 2017
Looks like @ApprovedNews6 has some serious competition today. https://t.co/yCRru599F2 — @usr_local_share
Sun May 14 14:09:20 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Press Secretary Spicer ██████████ Unidentified Object █████████ ███████ Fourth Impact ████ █████████ of Casualties
Sun May 14 04:13:22 +0000 2017
Inheritors of the Gibbering Crown Stage Mock REDACTED on National Mall to Protest Deregulation of Femur Imports
Sun May 14 04:10:52 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 could this be the ever-popular Florida Man? https://t.co/QbnNS0Yc9p — @skotchandsoda
Sun May 14 04:09:32 +0000 2017
There's a Hostage Situation in Congress. They've Got a Front Page Nipple Photo — @HeadlineSmasher
Sat May 13 19:12:36 +0000 2017
.@ApprovedNews6 and soon, i'm going to be broke in a few months. absolutely anything helps at this point. thank you. — @velartrill
Sat May 13 17:24:57 +0000 2017
.@ApprovedNews6 since i'm a crippled wreck of a human being, this is my only source of income, and right now i'm ba… https://t.co/Zhr3P4fkb0 — @velartrill
Sat May 13 17:24:46 +0000 2017
hey so if you enjoy @ApprovedNews6, please consider stopping by https://t.co/76qHXTXxht and making a small monthly pledge. even $1 helps. — @velartrill
Sat May 13 17:24:17 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Hundreds of Stern Figures in Labcoats, Gas Masks Forcibly Occupy Vampire State Building
Sat May 13 09:16:53 +0000 2017
OPINION: Why the Ultrapope of the Wailing Church Must Issue An Apology to She Who Throttles the Dawn
Sat May 13 04:38:54 +0000 2017
Approached by Reporters, Razortooth Shriekling Gnaws Frantically on Cage Bars, Deafens Reporters With Piercing Shriek
Sat May 13 03:24:38 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Dems Relent, Allow Trump's Appointment of a Razortooth Shriekling to Supreme Court
Sat May 13 03:19:56 +0000 2017
Your Constant Masturbation Is Ruining Your Favorite Books — @HeadlineSmasher
Sat May 13 03:11:08 +0000 2017
Pressed on Impact for Ongoing "Project Scowling Lizard," White House Press Secretary Spicer Stares at Reporter, Hisses
Sat May 13 03:09:28 +0000 2017
Hillary Clinton, Charles J. Bloodhorn Join Obama to Commemorate Founding of Grinning Lizard Institute
Sat May 13 03:07:46 +0000 2017
Barack Obama Founds Charitable Organization to Continue "Project Grinning Lizard" as Private Citizen
Sat May 13 03:04:00 +0000 2017
Professor of Conspiracy Studies Dr. Ángela Portillo Warns Discontinued Item #7 Heist "Likely Connected" to "Operation Euripides"
Sat May 13 03:03:03 +0000 2017
"How Many Have You Killed?" Pressed for Comment on Heist, Wyoming Governor's Spokesman Grips Podium, Stares Hungrily At Reporters
Sat May 13 03:01:02 +0000 2017
Wyoming Stockpile of "Discontinued Item #7" Raided by Unknown Forces
Sat May 13 02:58:07 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 they were built at an asstronomical cost to provide a double bumper against such events, but apparently they didn't twerk — @Chirurgic
Sat May 13 02:56:49 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Did the buttresses fail? — @Chirurgic
Sat May 13 02:55:02 +0000 2017
Erotican Repubic Pleads For Disasster Relief, Internasstional Aid After Major Catasstrophe
Sat May 13 02:48:11 +0000 2017
Wrathful Crime God Smites 7 Police Hives
Sat May 13 02:04:55 +0000 2017
Well, actually... https://t.co/ECMhEf461L — @orzelc
Fri May 12 21:54:58 +0000 2017
Stern Figures in Lab Coats, Gas Masks Gather Outside White House, Briskly Taking Notes on Clipboards
Fri May 12 20:36:24 +0000 2017
Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY), Pressed for Comment: "Mansplaining Is When A Man Lectures Somebody About Their Own Field of Expertise"
Fri May 12 10:19:07 +0000 2017
Republican Bill Before Congress Would Legalize Mansplaining
Fri May 12 10:14:26 +0000 2017
@GeorgeWHerbert @GravityPike @ApprovedNews6 @Chirurgic @AxelBordelon People always confuse Rosebud and Rosebud’s Monster — @AndrewNCassidy
Thu May 11 16:40:23 +0000 2017
@GravityPike @ApprovedNews6 @AndrewNCassidy @Chirurgic @AxelBordelon Look, Rosebud's not the radio flyer, it's the radio flyer *demon*. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Thu May 11 16:40:20 +0000 2017
@AndrewNCassidy @Chirurgic @AxelBordelon @ApprovedNews6 look, redacted text is just unknowable, like why the sky is… https://t.co/Bzr9eLVo0B — @GravityPike
Thu May 11 16:28:49 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Low-battery warning. — @EugeneIpavec
Thu May 11 16:28:42 +0000 2017
@Chirurgic @AxelBordelon @ApprovedNews6 or any alphabet — @AndrewNCassidy
Thu May 11 08:04:31 +0000 2017
@AxelBordelon @ApprovedNews6 you're assuming the glyphs in question are from the latin alphabet — @Chirurgic
Thu May 11 08:04:28 +0000 2017
@AxelBordelon @ApprovedNews6 No, it's literally just ██████████████ It's completely unlike ████ or █████████████████████████ — @alarmallama
Thu May 11 08:04:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Censored word is 14 characters... "Director Comey"? — @AxelBordelon
Thu May 11 04:50:51 +0000 2017
Analysts Warn Derelict Soviet Space Stations May Play "Key Role" in "Operation Euripides"
Wed May 10 22:15:28 +0000 2017
Documents Recovered From ██████████████ Indicate Illuminati Has Commandeered 7 Derelict Soviet Space Stations; Intentions Remain Unknown
Wed May 10 22:15:00 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Lobster Queen Jabs Reporter's Nose With Pincers, Scuttles Rapidly Into Willamette
Wed May 10 20:06:16 +0000 2017
BATTLE OF PORTLAND: Sister Vindicta of the Blood-Soaked Maidens Reports "Conclusive Victory" Over Lobster Queen's Forces
Wed May 10 20:04:39 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Bill to reclassify all organs as "Non-Vital" — @jleedev
Wed May 10 18:28:06 +0000 2017
Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities Issues Statement Condemning Organ Harvesting Bill as "Insensitive," "Regressive"
Wed May 10 18:27:49 +0000 2017
Sen. Rassenkampf: Cheap Source of Uncontaminated Organs "VItal" to "Project Scowling Lizard"
Wed May 10 18:24:38 +0000 2017
Sen. Gottfried Rassenkampf (R-KA) Introduces Bill to Remove Mutant Organ Harvesting Restrictions
Wed May 10 18:22:03 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTER-COUNTERPOINT: The Great Cincinnati Catastrophe Never Ended — @jonathankoren
Wed May 10 17:58:21 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Make Your Monthly Pledge Now, Before It Is Too Late https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Wed May 10 17:50:49 +0000 2017
This blurb from the Washington Post email digest reads like it's straight out of @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/SypOxYzQ4c — @Electro_Shaman
Wed May 10 17:45:44 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: The Great Cincinnati Catastrophe Never Happened
Wed May 10 17:27:18 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Great Cincinnati Catastrophe Must Never Be Repeated
Wed May 10 17:26:41 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Great Cincinnati Catastrophe Must Never Be Repeated
Wed May 10 17:26:41 +0000 2017
Blood-Soaked Maidens of the Cold Sword Lead Ferocious Assault Against Lobster Queen's Armada
Wed May 10 16:36:09 +0000 2017
Lobster Queen of the Sunless Sea Invades Portland
Wed May 10 16:33:13 +0000 2017
Approached by Reporters, Obelisk of National Security Displays Only Searing Red Glyph, Slowly Darkens
Tue May 09 23:30:23 +0000 2017
Pressed for Details, Trump Spits Bone Fragments at Reporters, Flees Into D.C. Sewers
Tue May 09 23:28:30 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 ACLU Releases Statement Condemning Government Interference With Civil Privacy, And Also Their Dads Can Beat Up Your Dads. — @TBSkyen
Tue May 09 23:27:30 +0000 2017
"It's, Look, It's Secret, Okay, We Can't Just Tell You, That's Not How It Works:" Trump Refuses to Reveal Name of Comey's Alleged Successor
Tue May 09 23:26:26 +0000 2017
Gnawing Idly on Comey's Femur, Trump Denies Rumors Name of Next FBI Director "Has Not Revealed Itself" Upon Obelisk of National Security
Tue May 09 23:24:45 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Despite Valiant Effort to Flee, Comey Cornered by Red-Eyed Hounds at Obelisk of National Security, Speedily Eviscerated
Tue May 09 23:20:46 +0000 2017
Approached by Reporters for Comment, Comey Issues Blood-Curdling Scream, Redoubles Pace as Pursuing Hounds Rip Into Press Pool
Tue May 09 23:18:11 +0000 2017
White House Confirms Ritual Expulsion of Comey; Replacement to be Appointed Once Comey's Blood Stains the Obelisk of National Security
Tue May 09 23:16:58 +0000 2017
BREAKING: FBI Director James Comey Chased From FBI Headquarters By Ferocious Pack of Red-Eyed, Emaciated Hounds
Tue May 09 23:14:48 +0000 2017
Kompromom. https://t.co/sGbZMZd58c — @jamesfraleigh
Tue May 09 23:13:28 +0000 2017
National Security Experts Warn Your Mom May Be Compromised
Tue May 09 23:09:16 +0000 2017
@velartrill BREAKING: 'Emergency' Declared at Haunted Nuclear Plant In Washington — @4rafn
Tue May 09 23:08:09 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I don't want no gene filth in MY neighborhood death squad, no sir! — @riking27loud
Tue May 09 16:56:19 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: We Know What the Mother of Storms Doesn't About the Conspiracy of the Silver Panopticon!
Tue May 09 05:26:45 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 A Blast From The Past! https://t.co/5ZuDbHxEKG — @NorWesternCrow
Tue May 09 04:07:10 +0000 2017
"Beg, Worm;" "Beg and Know the Terror of the Subjugated:" House Dems Outline 2018 Strategy
Tue May 09 03:40:51 +0000 2017
As if we needed more reasons to primary every single elected Democrat who won't break with the party line and take… https://t.co/nJOzmAgKG0 — @listelian
Tue May 09 00:19:56 +0000 2017
Dems Embrace Creation of "Hug Enforcement Administration" to Combat Hug Smuggling
Mon May 08 23:52:12 +0000 2017
Republicans Blame Democrats for Republican Soul Sacrifice — @HeadlineSmasher
Mon May 08 18:14:14 +0000 2017
Secluded Sisters of the Vermiform Crown March on Washington to Demand REDACTED
Mon May 08 18:01:42 +0000 2017
MIT Professor Charged with Ultracrime Found REDACTED Under Suspicious Circumstances
Sun May 07 18:41:25 +0000 2017
"Team Bravo-7, Commence Phase GOLDEN SPARROW, This Is Not A Drill:" Mandrake Pharmaceuticals Dismisses Allegations Against Piratizam Trials
Sun May 07 05:25:18 +0000 2017
Critics Decry FDA's "Rushed" Decision, Warning Drug Trials Linked to "Operation Euripides"
Sun May 07 05:19:02 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents, RIAA Jubilant as FDA Approves World's First Anti-Piracy Drug
Sun May 07 05:16:39 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 FOLLOW.THE.GOATS. — @ladyjax
Sat May 06 06:42:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I don't think you can fly THAT high just on kale. Dude had to be freebasing arugula, or at least radicchio — @EugeneIpavec
Sat May 06 06:41:53 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Total fake news. There's no way in hell Sweaty Spice wouldn't have fumbled a sentence that grammatically complex — @EugeneIpavec
Sat May 06 06:41:46 +0000 2017
@icambron @ApprovedNews6 This kind of overbearing runaway nanny-statism is why Trump won — @EugeneIpavec
Sat May 06 06:41:38 +0000 2017
"There Are Those Arts Into Which The Wise Pry Not, Kevin:" Press Secretary Spicer Deflects Reporter's Question on Trump's Goat Purchases
Sat May 06 05:11:55 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Fox News Fires ANOTHER Ballistic Missile [VIDEO] — @TwoHeadlines
Sat May 06 02:09:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 to be clear, "impossibly large hat" isn't a figure of speech in this universe — @jleedev
Fri May 05 23:20:18 +0000 2017
I saw it with my own eyes https://t.co/wcSSxcoMju — @noahjmead
Fri May 05 07:58:31 +0000 2017
Oregon Man Ascends Bodily to the Seventh Celestial Paradigm After Severe Kale Overdose
Fri May 05 07:07:55 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Pain knows no bias which is why the King did what he did. — @ladyjax
Fri May 05 03:57:25 +0000 2017
There are #diseases hidden in #ice, and they are waking up https://t.co/Z8TqLECWPg via @BBCEarth #climatechange #permafrost #bacteria — @natmoss
Fri May 05 03:57:11 +0000 2017
Scientists Say: Reading Could Increase Risk of Measles — @sciencesuggests
Fri May 05 03:45:35 +0000 2017
Pain King Accused of "Partisan Bias" After Pain Citadels Abduct Dozens of Republican Lawmakers
Fri May 05 03:45:15 +0000 2017
7 Reasons the Dancing Man Cannot Be Killed
Fri May 05 03:26:51 +0000 2017
Wisconsin's Dumb Governor May Have Psychic Abilities — @HeadlineSmasher
Fri May 05 03:15:55 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 EXPERT: Regulations mandate that non-profit death squads maintain standards-compliant neural targeting implants. — @icambron
Thu May 04 23:22:10 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 (Because You're One of Them) — @LuxuryTweeting
Thu May 04 23:19:06 +0000 2017
@icambron @ApprovedNews6 I approve of this. We should eschew these enhancements. Natural Death or No Death! — @ladyjax
Thu May 04 22:55:37 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Other Charities Pledge To Only Use Pure, Naturally Evolved Death Squads With No Cybernetic Enhancements — @icambron
Thu May 04 22:53:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 A SECRET MESSAGE IS HIDDEN WITHIN THIS HEADLINE https://t.co/rHEiCsopDK — @NorWesternCrow
Thu May 04 22:48:57 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The Bloodthorn International Charities are a scam on working people. WE CAN DO BETTER! — @ladyjax
Thu May 04 22:47:43 +0000 2017
"Mutants Have The Same Right to Participate in Paramilitary Brutality As You And I:" CJBI Spokeswoman Dismisses Criticism as "Prejudiced"
Thu May 04 22:47:30 +0000 2017
Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities Criticized for Use of Mutant Death Squads
Thu May 04 22:45:23 +0000 2017
Grinning Hungrily, Eyes Obscured by Impossibly Large Hat, Nancy Pelosi Characterizes Republican Healthcare Bill as "Good for Bitcoin"
Thu May 04 22:44:51 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: All Survivors of the Third Impact Gathering at Lost City Deep in Appalachian Woods
Thu May 04 22:32:35 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Bitcoin is already perfect and cannot be improved upon. Those who say otherwise are la… https://t.co/eC8eFlDplf — @SpikyCaterpillr
Thu May 04 22:31:07 +0000 2017
OPINION: Operation Euripides is Good for Bitcoin
Thu May 04 20:42:38 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment on CNN Coup, Illuminati Secretary-General Ulikh Yoor Nowhere to be Found
Thu May 04 20:32:40 +0000 2017
Masked Gunman: CNN Ruling Junta "Controlled by Otherworldly Forces;" "Had to be Eliminated" to Ensure Fair, Balanced Reporting
Thu May 04 20:32:04 +0000 2017
Speaking to Cowed Subordinates, Comandante Guttiérrez Vows to Uncover True Meaning, Purpose of "Operation Euripides"
Thu May 04 20:31:01 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Special Correspondent Juanita Gutiérrez of CNN Launches Coup With Masked Gunman, Executes Network's Ruling Junta by Firing Squad
Thu May 04 20:28:44 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I don't care what anyone says, Masked Gunman has always been on the side of truth. He does what must be done for the people — @LucyRomana
Thu May 04 20:24:08 +0000 2017
Reached for Comment on Potential Successors, Obama's Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Kingsley Hellthrash Hides Under Reporter's Shirt
Thu May 04 19:11:28 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/m4tzWlI4Cb — @mcclure111
Thu May 04 19:04:47 +0000 2017
Analysts: "It Is As Was Foretold" in "Prophecy of the Great Cockroach" by "Oracle of Whispering Sands"
Thu May 04 19:04:23 +0000 2017
Analysts: Senate Dems "Playing Right Into Acting Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Mervin Moongristle's Hands"
Thu May 04 19:02:54 +0000 2017
Democrats Invoke Dread Parliamentary Rites to Block Trump's Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Nominee
Thu May 04 19:01:45 +0000 2017
Illuminati Calls Press Conference on Operation Euripides; Journalists Arrive to Find Entire Secret Illuminati Fortress Deserted
Thu May 04 16:53:38 +0000 2017
In Act of Profound Moral Cowardice, CNN Junta Refuses to Fire Masked Gunman
Thu May 04 07:17:08 +0000 2017
Great Council of Newslords Slams Masked Gunman's "Utter Lack of Journalistic Integrity"
Thu May 04 07:13:59 +0000 2017
BREAKING: The Mandrake Dossier Stolen from News Vaults by Masked Gunman
Thu May 04 07:12:39 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: There's No Such Thing As Operation Euripides, And You're Probably Working For The Russians
Thu May 04 05:26:48 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Release of Unknown Compound Alpha Was Engineered by the Illuminati as Part of Operation Euripides
Thu May 04 05:26:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 what a lie. that shit is vaporware. it'll never happen — @joe_no_privacy
Thu May 04 05:19:08 +0000 2017
Approached by Press, Commander REDACTED of Substation 77 Suddenly Obscured by Redaction Bars, Visual Haze
Thu May 04 05:18:57 +0000 2017
Substation 77 Warns "Unknown Compound Alpha" Has Been "Released Into Civilian Population" by "As-Yet Unidentified Actors"
Thu May 04 05:17:36 +0000 2017
OPINION: For Many Women, Patriarchy Is Empowering
Thu May 04 00:44:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 ngl, this secret underground government facility is an incredibly realistic reproduction of the aboveground — @joe_no_privacy
Wed May 03 23:08:59 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 number 6 shocked me. it was me! — @joe_no_privacy
Wed May 03 23:06:14 +0000 2017
Scientists Discover Your Car Keys on Mars — @sciencesuggests
Wed May 03 22:00:55 +0000 2017
7 People You'll Never Believe Have Been Imprisoned in a Secret Underground Government Facility for Centuries
Wed May 03 22:00:23 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 What about the Bane Unto The Dead Act? — @insomniacity
Wed May 03 16:57:33 +0000 2017
Six sparks each with six spheres? Attn @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/pZSkCAYpB1 — @melshubs
Wed May 03 16:55:34 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OK yeah I see how that could be annoying but I'm brimming with self-assurance and I'm knee-deep in wombats — @EugeneIpavec
Wed May 03 09:35:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Look, it needed to be done, OK? Let's not be babies about it. And how many of us are going to actually miss Nebraska? — @EugeneIpavec
Wed May 03 09:35:03 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 And you should worry about that. — @algo_anthill
Wed May 03 03:46:28 +0000 2017
New Study Shows Anxiety May Attract Swarms of Insects, Feral Dogs
Wed May 03 03:44:27 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Have You Suffered Persistent Soul Failure Due to Improperly Consecrated Drywall? You May Be Owed Cursed Fairy Gold!
Wed May 03 03:18:51 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Libertarian Scapulomancers Say Gov't Has No Authority. — @DarrylDaugherty
Wed May 03 02:31:20 +0000 2017
Arkansas Stiffens Penalties for Impersonating an Oracle, Unlicensed Bone Sorcery
Wed May 03 02:27:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 TANGENT: Waffles — @TopherGrey
Tue May 02 23:22:22 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTER-COUNTERPOINT: Maybe? — @CurmudgeonBeast
Tue May 02 23:13:09 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: No
Tue May 02 23:12:12 +0000 2017
OPNION: Yes
Tue May 02 23:12:05 +0000 2017
Everything You Need to Know About the Exalted Architect of the Beneficent Manifold's Feud with the Blind Monks of the Wandering Tower
Tue May 02 23:09:16 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: The Hive-Queen of the Invisible Orchestra is Out for Blood ― Here's Why You Should Be Too
Tue May 02 22:41:43 +0000 2017
OPINION: Gender is For Losers
Tue May 02 21:44:03 +0000 2017
Secretary of Bullshit Dr. Jessiffer Milligan Calls Press Conference, Angrily Lectures Reporters Through Mouthfuls of Raw Beef
Tue May 02 21:36:35 +0000 2017
What the Milgram Experiment Can Teach Us About Parenting
Tue May 02 20:04:20 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Forbidden Lands Shadow Councilors Washed Away by Sudden Tide, As Thunder Rolls in the Distance
Tue May 02 19:14:55 +0000 2017
Forbidden Lands Shadow Council Cancels Festival of Whispers Due to "Dire Augury"
Tue May 02 19:14:10 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Dammit! We have a Zero China Policy for a reason! — @usr_local_share
Tue May 02 16:46:09 +0000 2017
Trump Admission "Unprecedented Among American Presidents," Say Sources: "Yea, Even Unto the Ancient Times"
Tue May 02 16:45:54 +0000 2017
In Shocking Gaffe, Trump Admits that China Exists
Tue May 02 16:44:20 +0000 2017
Historically more of a Democratic constituency. Bold move. https://t.co/mTgXA4uOC0 — @derwolfanwalt
Tue May 02 16:31:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 You won't believe (or survive) #4! — @TopherGrey
Tue May 02 06:48:31 +0000 2017
"We've Got to Find Them First:" Democrats Dismiss Republican Bill as "Impractical"
Tue May 02 05:15:14 +0000 2017
Republicans Propose Constitutional Amendment to Extend Voting Rights to the Dead
Tue May 02 05:14:14 +0000 2017
7 Amazing Ways You Can Use Industrial Coolant for Evil
Tue May 02 03:25:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 finally something that can stand up to Trump in the next Republican primaries. — @VECTORCITIES
Tue May 02 00:33:56 +0000 2017
Experts: "Substance 7" Over 10 Times Stronger than Industry-Standard Subway Grime, Induces Vomiting through Visual Contact at 50 Paces
Tue May 02 00:22:47 +0000 2017
Filth Scientists Synthesize World's Most Disgusting Substance
Tue May 02 00:15:15 +0000 2017
Great Council of Newslords Orders Intern Pool Decimated After Misuse of Official Twitter Feed
Mon May 01 22:40:07 +0000 2017
President-Erect of the Erotican Repubic Vows to Get "Hard-On Crime"
Mon May 01 22:17:58 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: This Is the Wrong Time for Get-Soft-On-Crime Policies. Leave Dismemberment In Place — @icambron
Mon May 01 22:16:09 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Counterpoint: Keelhauling is a more fitting punishment for such crimes and many more, up to and including regicide — @ZatchDeutsch
Mon May 01 22:04:28 +0000 2017
OPINION: It's Time to Reintroduce Flaying as Punishment for Zoning Violations
Mon May 01 21:59:51 +0000 2017
Pressed for Details, NSA Spokesman Staples Redaction Bars to Reporters' Foreheads
Mon May 01 19:07:05 +0000 2017
NSA Warns "A Particular Individual" Has Done "An Impossible Thing," Recommends All Americans Take "Appropriate Actions"
Mon May 01 19:06:10 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 the Straights are much more dire than the Straits tbh, can't someone bump them off instead? — @BlueSpaceCanary
Mon May 01 11:54:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 PSA: The Blind Council is Always Watching — @insomniacity
Mon May 01 11:51:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The Shadow People don't have faces. They go where they please. — @IncookieCook
Mon May 01 11:49:46 +0000 2017
Catastopharch of the Dire Straits Narrowly Survives Alleged CIA Assassination Attempt
Mon May 01 05:02:16 +0000 2017
Study: Millennials Facing "Epidemic" of Early-Onset Immortality
Mon May 01 04:59:44 +0000 2017
"Upon That Day the Heavens Shall Buckle Beneath the Lamentations of the Damned:" Democrats Unveil 2018 Strategy
Mon May 01 04:55:17 +0000 2017
"Let Their Corpses Fester & Swell 'til They Blot Out the Very Sun:" Congressional Republicans Introduce New Healthcare Bill
Mon May 01 04:48:45 +0000 2017
"Use Your Hands, Use Your Sinews, Use Your Teeth:" Sen. Disastra bel-Malphegor (🐍-MA) Calls on Supporters to Destroy Key Infrastructure
Mon May 01 04:46:33 +0000 2017
Strange Glass Ziggurats Rising from Minneapolis Intersections Beginning to Fill With "Luminous Fog"
Mon May 01 04:43:44 +0000 2017
Trump Denies Rumors of Secret Meeting with Council of Whispers, Faceless Adjutant
Mon May 01 04:41:54 +0000 2017
I miss Secretary of Blood, Sex & Death Kingsley Hellthrash. At least we knew that whatever we were subjected to, it… https://t.co/20ioxghzYF — @chas_lovett
Mon May 01 04:38:10 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Acting Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Mervin Moongristle Orders Reporters "Probed Mercilessly"
Mon May 01 04:38:04 +0000 2017
Department of Blood, Sex, & Death Criticized for "Punitive" Use of Brain Probe Authority Under Trump
Mon May 01 04:35:05 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Your Face, If You Keep Nosing Around Here, Asking Funny Questions
Mon May 01 04:29:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: [MANIACAL LAUGHTER] — @joe_no_privacy
Mon May 01 04:27:11 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Oh, Quiet, You Baby, We Haven't Even Gotten to the Good Part Yet
Mon May 01 04:25:45 +0000 2017
OPINION: AGONIZED SCREAMS
Mon May 01 04:04:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 New? This is basically just a replication of the study done by Ripley et al (1979). — @qsnoof
Mon May 01 04:04:20 +0000 2017
New Study: "OH GOD," "JESUS, NO," "TOO MANY LEGS," "OH GOD, GET IT OFF ME"
Mon May 01 03:44:01 +0000 2017
7 Reasons All is Lost - #4 Was Exactly As You Feared It Would Be
Sun Apr 30 20:24:35 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 @tdfischer_ https://t.co/IOSyAtEuBw — @chlorelium
Sun Apr 30 20:23:40 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: I'd Like to See You Try, Old Man
Sun Apr 30 19:35:04 +0000 2017
OPINION: I Won't Let You Get Away This Time!
Sun Apr 30 19:34:31 +0000 2017
High on Fractal Meth, Florida Man Topples Radiant Pillar of the Vengeful Sun, Rampages Through Catacombs of the Whispering Prince
Sun Apr 30 18:15:20 +0000 2017
radical. lunar. terror. why won't obama say it? https://t.co/8xiZnQOX4n — @8Fourteen
Sun Apr 30 17:11:24 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 @addamschloe ORBIT YOUR ASS RIGHT BACK BEHIND US I ONLY WANNA SEE YOU AT NIGHT — @DaDiDaDIDum
Sun Apr 30 17:11:11 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 @addamschloe NO ONE CAN BE ABOVE AMERICA NOT EVEN THE MOOOON — @DaDiDaDIDum
Sun Apr 30 16:46:12 +0000 2017
100% correct https://t.co/NZ7dWOTxh0 — @HKesvani
Sun Apr 30 16:44:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Evacuees urged to move deeper inland, faster, don't stop. — @martijaxn
Sun Apr 30 07:43:48 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Isle of Lesbos Mobilises Emergency Cleanup Crews, Urges Inhabitants to Stay Indoors For Duration of Crisis — @MegatronusRex
Sun Apr 30 06:57:11 +0000 2017
Thousands Jizzplaced After Oil Skanker Sexplodes Off Coast of Erotican Repubic
Sun Apr 30 06:54:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Is Exxon truly an ally of the looming void. I submit no. — @mcclure111
Sun Apr 30 05:19:14 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Prophetess of the Looming Void Brandishes Ebon Scepter of the Wailing Abyss, Demands Ritual of Appeasement
Sun Apr 30 05:17:14 +0000 2017
Prophetess of the Looming Void Criticized for Ten Thousand-Dollar Exxon Appearance
Sun Apr 30 05:10:16 +0000 2017
Steve Bannon Briefly Released From High School Locker to be Subjected to PE Class
Sun Apr 30 05:03:49 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Sen. XL333012 Violently Inserts Tracking Chip in Reporter's Neck
Sun Apr 30 04:53:11 +0000 2017
"The Gentlebot From Florida Will Sit Down And Stop Vaporizing Its Colleagues:" Senate Majority Leader Slams Sen. XL333012 (R-FL)
Sun Apr 30 04:51:50 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Impossibly Deep Voice in Men's Bathrooms Nationwide Sued After Series of Racist Tirades
Sun Apr 30 04:48:44 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Stop Being Such a Racist https://t.co/VHljGbbsnI — @listelian
Sun Apr 30 04:45:47 +0000 2017
OPINION: Synthetic Hugs a Dire Threat to International Flesh Purity
Sun Apr 30 04:42:24 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Support Our Brave, Doomed Reporters With a Monthly Contribution https://t.co/jGZo7r9oQN
Sat Apr 29 23:34:45 +0000 2017
New Study: "Quit Bitching, Snowflake, And Clean This Mess Up," "Jesus, What A Fucking Baby"
Sat Apr 29 23:31:02 +0000 2017
"Oh God," Industry Insiders Suggest: "Oh Jesus, I Never Wanted This, I'm So Sorry, I Never Meant For Any Of This To Happen, I Swear"
Sat Apr 29 23:28:32 +0000 2017
OPINION: Alright, You Asked For It
Sat Apr 29 23:28:23 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: "You and What Army, Scum" — @joe_no_privacy
Sat Apr 29 23:26:17 +0000 2017
Report: "Get The Hell Out Of My Way, Punk," "I'm Not Warning You Again"
Sat Apr 29 23:24:40 +0000 2017
Experts: "Don't Do It, Man," "You're Going Too Far This Time"
Sat Apr 29 23:23:01 +0000 2017
"I Will Fuck You Up," Say Sources: "Do You Have Any Idea Who You're Fucking With, Kid"
Sat Apr 29 23:21:47 +0000 2017
EXPERTS: https://t.co/FTQZ8zYNuj
Sat Apr 29 17:35:22 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Trump, Delirious from Blood Loss After Being Mauled by Tiger, Accidentally Vetoes Bill to Classify Sex as Controlled Substance
Sat Apr 29 17:26:25 +0000 2017
Democrats: Bill to Classify Sex as a Controlled Substance "Bad for Handjobs"
Sat Apr 29 17:17:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 So college Republicans still won't have to go to the doctor? — @BlueSpaceCanary
Sat Apr 29 17:14:15 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Sen Chip Pervinius IV (R-Moon) added a rider exempting members of Congress from the bill & declaring… https://t.co/EsPrRJRg0g — @cveidson
Sat Apr 29 17:12:10 +0000 2017
Bill Will Require Medical Supervision Only for Human-Mutant Couples https://t.co/C7BhTeEfw6
Sat Apr 29 17:11:27 +0000 2017
If Signed Into Law by Trump, Republican Bill Will Require Doctors to Guarantee "Reproductive Purpose" Before Authorizing Sex
Sat Apr 29 17:07:54 +0000 2017
Republicans Vote in Favor of Bill Requiring a Doctor's Prescription for Sex
Sat Apr 29 15:33:33 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I've thought this for a long time. Nice that someone has the guts to say it. — @_rachelhartman
Sat Apr 29 01:31:47 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Moon Has Got to Go
Sat Apr 29 01:00:33 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Vermont Dreadlord-in-Exile Theodore Blitzenreich Banished from Italy After Failed Attempt to Infiltrate Library of Shadows
Fri Apr 28 23:49:56 +0000 2017
New Study Warns Children as Young as 10 Exploiting the Working Classes
Fri Apr 28 23:46:03 +0000 2017
SCANDAL: Republican Congressman Caught on Tape Describing Disabled Survivors of Bowling Green Massacre as "Welfare Queens"
Fri Apr 28 22:49:03 +0000 2017
High on Butane & Severely Irradiated, Florida Man Deposes Sorcerer-King of El Salvador
Fri Apr 28 21:54:04 +0000 2017
Senate Votes to Confirm Avatar of Putrefaction as Secretary of REDACTED
Fri Apr 28 17:49:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 This is heresy if ever there was. https://t.co/4UWptxXOq7 — @jleedev
Fri Apr 28 17:06:05 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Hopefully they can use the resources of the Amazon to help liberate Seattle from the silicon clutches of Amazon — @BlueSpaceCanary
Thu Apr 27 23:20:07 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Brazil Surrenders to Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities
Thu Apr 27 22:11:55 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Thwart the Great Archfungus With This One Simple Injection, Discovered by a Bone Sorceress Supreme
Thu Apr 27 19:54:58 +0000 2017
Enormous Sentient Swastika Looming Over DC Accuses Opponents of Nazism
Thu Apr 27 19:21:05 +0000 2017
Charles J. Bloodhorn Defends Decision to Detonate 5-Megaton Nuclear Device Over São Paulo, Urges Brazil to Surrender
Thu Apr 27 19:10:18 +0000 2017
After Weeks of Brutal Urban Warfare, Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities Nukes São Paulo
Thu Apr 27 19:06:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Unlike other vandalized concepts, hope has proven too heavy to be removed for professional restoration. — @tweetsthecreeps
Thu Apr 27 19:05:01 +0000 2017
Street Artists Vandalize the Concept of Hope
Thu Apr 27 17:54:51 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Pfft, Assroaches. I'll seek them out for theological recommendations after the next time they make it to seminifinals. — @EugeneIpavec
Thu Apr 27 14:41:15 +0000 2017
Beleagured Shriekball Team the Florida Assroaches Faces Federal Prosecution for Alleged Promotion of Fungus Worship
Wed Apr 26 17:26:51 +0000 2017
"I HUNGER:" Pressed on Russian Connections, Trump Unhinges Jaw, Devours Small Child Whole
Wed Apr 26 16:28:59 +0000 2017
@velartrill @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/uebrkmTCW5 ? — @hikari_no_yume
Wed Apr 26 02:44:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/E8Sihn7akb — @insomniacity
Tue Apr 25 22:21:53 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I miss when shrieking shadow things screamed real portents of doom rather than clickbait. — @TheBoundWatcher
Tue Apr 25 05:15:37 +0000 2017
Approached by Reporters, Enormous Toad Levitating in Skies Above Fairfax, VA Details Its Upcoming Art Show, Disappears Among the Clouds
Tue Apr 25 05:14:46 +0000 2017
@joe_no_privacy @ApprovedNews6 Yeah! Damn straight! I bet it wasn't even instantiated in this topological space. Le… https://t.co/x6DxrwEhCI — @EugeneIpavec
Tue Apr 25 02:05:36 +0000 2017
Enormous Toad Seen Levitating Peacefully in Sky Above Fairfax, VA
Tue Apr 25 01:12:28 +0000 2017
President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Condemns Sex Island Dicktator's "Uncuntstitutional Edickt," Calls for International Spanktions
Mon Apr 24 20:46:46 +0000 2017
As Tension Rises, Dicktator of the Sex Islands Strips Key Civil Rights From Natural-Porn Slutizens in Name of National Securititty
Mon Apr 24 20:43:22 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 smdh the sixfold orb isn't even a real orb, it's just a fucking polyhedron badly imitating an oblate spheroid — @joe_no_privacy
Mon Apr 24 20:43:02 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 smdh the sixfold orb isn't even a real orb, it's just a fucking polyhedron badly imitating an oblate spheroid — @joe_no_privacy
Mon Apr 24 20:43:02 +0000 2017
SOCIETY: Adherents of the Sixfold Orb Proclaim Eon of the Whispering Mantis
Mon Apr 24 20:33:05 +0000 2017
Democrats Outraged by Trump Nomination, Cite Avatar of Putrefaction's "Close Ties" to Sovereign Citizen Movement
Mon Apr 24 20:23:24 +0000 2017
Trump Nominates Avatar of Putrefaction to Replace Disgraced Secretary of REDACTED
Mon Apr 24 20:06:40 +0000 2017
Letter To The Editor: You'll Never Catch Me, Copper https://t.co/aoV0NCCwHd — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Apr 24 19:55:17 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | OPINION: FBI! You're Under Arrest! https://t.co/3el11qdeie
Mon Apr 24 18:44:23 +0000 2017
"Time Travel Hasn't Worked in Months:" Professor of Conspiracy Studies Dr. Ángela Portillo Dismisses Rumored 1944 Meetings as "Implausible"
Sun Apr 23 21:30:21 +0000 2017
Trump Refuses to Comment on Rumors of Secret Trans-Temporal Meetings with Adolf Hitler in 1944
Sun Apr 23 21:25:57 +0000 2017
Unrepentant Time-Traveling Nazis Defend Illegal Voting in 2016 Election, Imply Secret Plans to Alter Timeline https://t.co/lsX4Mvw7kr
Sun Apr 23 21:23:26 +0000 2017
New Evidence Suggests Thousands of Time -Traveling Nazis May Have Voted Illegally in 2016
Sat Apr 22 21:55:15 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Evade the Carnival of Blood With This One Weird Trick, Discovered by a Shrieking Shadow Thing
Sat Apr 22 18:23:43 +0000 2017
Wise Witch of the Whispering Woods Makes Surprise Appearance Before Hexas State Legislature
Sat Apr 22 18:03:29 +0000 2017
This Silicon Valley Startup Has a Plan to Use Waterboarding, Electroshock Therapy to End Poverty
Sat Apr 22 17:33:02 +0000 2017
Approached for Comment by Reporters, Entire Social Security Administration Sinks Slowly Into the Earth
Sat Apr 22 08:08:49 +0000 2017
Speaking in Solidarity with Bowling Green Survivors, Fairy Queen Recites Whimsical Poem, Transforms Reporters Into Small Forest Animals
Sat Apr 22 07:52:21 +0000 2017
Report: Many Bowling Green Survivors Facing Heavy Medical Bills, Full Costs of Ongoing Therapy
Sat Apr 22 07:51:10 +0000 2017
Survivors of Bowling Green Massacre, Unable to Return to Work, Denied Disability Benefits
Sat Apr 22 07:49:43 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 He just can't leave campaign mode — @timserpas
Sat Apr 22 01:06:41 +0000 2017
Trump: American People "Need to See We're Holding People Accountable," "They Need to See the Blood, Steve," "They Need to Hear the Screams"
Sat Apr 22 00:55:11 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Brandishing Bloodstained Parchment Covered in Forsaken Runes, Trump Replaces Dr. Jessiffer Milligan With Dr. Jessiffer Milligan
Sat Apr 22 00:54:14 +0000 2017
Secretary of Bullshit Dr. Jessiffer Milligan Breaks Vows to Speak to Reporters Only Through Kazoo in Order to Deny Having Made Any Such Vow
Sat Apr 22 00:52:59 +0000 2017
Trump Commissions, Eats Clone of Self
Sat Apr 22 00:51:06 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Fascinating Glimpse Of The Fundamental Building Blocks of Reality As Various Quarkdemeanors Recombin… https://t.co/UeZCssWUtJ — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Apr 22 00:23:17 +0000 2017
Speaking to Press, Trump Throws Back Head As Millions of Flies Pour From Mouth, Ears
Fri Apr 21 23:37:34 +0000 2017
Archfiend Shaggarath the Abominable Awards Honorary Citizenship of Hell to Donald Trump for "Heroic Efforts" to Improve Diplomatic Relations
Fri Apr 21 23:36:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Felonies measured with energies over 12 giga-extortion-volts — @AndrewNCassidy
Fri Apr 21 23:22:28 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Unfortunately hypercriminals can only be held by handcuffs made of cosmic strings. — @TheBoundWatcher
Fri Apr 21 23:22:27 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The Deep Metacrime Detector Array is getting ready for deployment in the beamline. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Fri Apr 21 23:22:25 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Report: sinkhole frequency around Microsoft offices increasing slightly. — @TheBoundWatcher
Fri Apr 21 23:21:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Dark president of shadow republic states: "I can't see what the big deal is" https://t.co/FgeFM3nR0p — @TheBoundWatcher
Fri Apr 21 23:21:24 +0000 2017
As Profits Plummet, Microsoft Hell to be Discontinued
Fri Apr 21 23:05:47 +0000 2017
Scientists at Large Felony Collider Confirm Existence of Hypercrime
Fri Apr 21 20:57:19 +0000 2017
Dark President Lucio Violasanto of Italian Shadow Republic Reportedly "Ambivalent" About Blitzenreich Visit
Fri Apr 21 17:50:46 +0000 2017
Seeking Backing of Regional Overlords, Vermont Dreadlord-in-Exile Theodore Blitzenreich to Visit Shadow Republic of Italy
Fri Apr 21 17:45:59 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 ANALYSIS: Partnering with Mercenaires Sans Frontiers was crucial to Bloodhorn pledge drive effort. — @melshubs
Fri Apr 21 06:41:30 +0000 2017
Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities Concludes Military Conquest of Malta, Appoints Occupational Governor
Fri Apr 21 05:17:04 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Joke's on You, Big Guy, I Haven't Even Got a Brain
Fri Apr 21 05:11:30 +0000 2017
OPINION: I Want Your Brain
Fri Apr 21 05:10:22 +0000 2017
BREAKING: The Egg Has Hatched
Fri Apr 21 03:35:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: You Do Not Exist — @EugeneIpavec
Fri Apr 21 01:47:54 +0000 2017
Don't Let Your Kids Pee in Your Food! — @HeadlineSmasher
Thu Apr 20 19:25:38 +0000 2017
Cc @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/xZu6f6kxTi — @ravikanodia
Thu Apr 20 16:20:16 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/3siALSOH0e — @KathrynVie
Thu Apr 20 16:19:48 +0000 2017
Bill Before Congress Would Outlaw Itself
Thu Apr 20 14:26:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 And the Whispering Prince was an adulterer and tax cheat. — @EugeneIpavec
Thu Apr 20 06:35:10 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I am SO sick of this elite-media bias against the Seventh Defiler. He was the best Defiler of our lifetimes, OK? — @EugeneIpavec
Thu Apr 20 06:35:05 +0000 2017
Children as young as 10 are abusing perfume — @ParentsWarnings
Thu Apr 20 05:28:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 pfft, all the kids are doing Dioxygen difluoride now — @AndrewNCassidy
Thu Apr 20 05:06:46 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents: Top Signs Your Teen May Be Abusing Chlorine Trifluoride "Being on Fire," "Screaming," "Fourth-Degree Burns"
Thu Apr 20 04:42:09 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Counterpoint: This Vicious Slander Can Only Have Come From the Lowest of Scum — @joe_no_privacy
Thu Apr 20 04:11:45 +0000 2017
OPINION: I'm a Terrible Person
Thu Apr 20 04:09:25 +0000 2017
RELATED: FDA May Reschedule Methanol, Melarsoprol, & Rocket Fuel Due to Rising Abuse by Teenagers
Wed Apr 19 23:45:22 +0000 2017
Rising Recreational Use of Chlorine Trifluoride "Deeply Concerning" to DEA
Wed Apr 19 23:42:17 +0000 2017
ugh @oreillyfactor's statement just shows that he hasn't learned ANYTHING https://t.co/T4p4Q7aIKO — @ShutUpAndrosky
Wed Apr 19 22:14:58 +0000 2017
Prosecutors Allege Horse Laundering in Samsung Bribery Trial — @substitute
Wed Apr 19 18:37:13 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 You May Have Never Looked if We Hadn't Warned You, Study Concludes. — @tweetsthecreeps
Wed Apr 19 18:25:38 +0000 2017
Experts: "For the Love of God, Man, Don't Look Behind You"
Wed Apr 19 17:21:54 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment on Syria, Press Secretary Spicer Paints Five-Sided Square on Press Room Wall, Flees as Reporters Held Rapt
Wed Apr 19 13:48:13 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Silence ! Nous Arrêter ? Nous Sommes Invincibles, Pauvre Con
Wed Apr 19 12:50:14 +0000 2017
OPINION: The French Must Be Stopped
Wed Apr 19 12:46:02 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Alternative research suggests that with some difficulty you may escape, but you will soon find that… https://t.co/o939c6Rf0r — @tweetsthecreeps
Mon Apr 17 04:11:10 +0000 2017
Experts: Dr. Jephremiah Blutkampf's "Defilers of the God-Machine" Paints "Crude, Inaccurate" Picture of Seventh Defiler, Whispering Prince
Mon Apr 17 00:53:38 +0000 2017
New Documentary "Defilers of the God-Machine: The Journey of the Seventh Deceiver" Meets Critical Reviews From Historians
Mon Apr 17 00:47:24 +0000 2017
"It Is Pointless to Flee," Experts Report
Sun Apr 16 23:51:53 +0000 2017
New Study: There Is No Escape
Sun Apr 16 23:51:26 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Get Your Filthy Hands Off Me, You Psychopath, I'm Going To Get Out Of These Restraints And Then I'm Going To End You
Sun Apr 16 21:15:34 +0000 2017
OPINION: Would You Just Quit Struggling Already, Honestly, How Am I Supposed to be Getting Useful Data From This
Sun Apr 16 21:14:23 +0000 2017
7 Reasons Your True Name Has Manifested in Grotesque Hieroglyphs Upon the Pinnacle of Eons - #4 Was Just As The Wise Woman Forewarned You
Sun Apr 16 21:13:11 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: https://t.co/VVQZ4LALWV — @khymchanur
Sun Apr 16 10:39:16 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 And when she sees the cameraman she just smiles and gives a jaunty little wave. I just threw up in my mouth. — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Apr 15 08:23:27 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Jesus Christ. There's tape of her RETURNING A LIBRARY BOOK. It's not even overdue! — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Apr 15 08:23:24 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Stopping fully at stop signs and yielding to pedestrians IN FULL VIEW OF THE PAPPARAZI? Legal, but… https://t.co/Nw90REslAf — @GeorgeWHerbert
Sat Apr 15 04:44:39 +0000 2017
Secretary of Crime Forced to Resign After Scandalous Evidence of Law-Abiding Behavior Surfaces
Fri Apr 14 23:15:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Aww heck - resorting to ancient Aztec spells to avoid answering to the press, now? — @jameshnotts
Fri Apr 14 04:06:47 +0000 2017
Pressed on Use of Ontological Weapons, Press Secretary Spicer Regurgitates Hundreds of Emerald Cockroach Wasps Into Press Pool
Fri Apr 14 02:34:40 +0000 2017
How to Make Sense — @HeadlineSmasher
Thu Apr 13 23:12:45 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents Warn Kids as Young as Five Getting High on Cursed Breakfast Serial
Thu Apr 13 16:53:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 i most certainly did not... it was hundreds, at best... — @martijaxn
Thu Apr 13 15:27:06 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 they probably want at least 10 years experience in servitude. I wonder if a master's in subjugation would be applicable. — @ElizabethBastyr
Thu Apr 13 15:26:44 +0000 2017
Loudspeaker on National Mall Continually Blaring Inscrutable Warnings Since 1894 Falls Suddenly Silent
Thu Apr 13 10:52:09 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Press Drone Emits Blinding White Light, Pacifying All Present to be Led Away By Lurching Figures in Hazmat Suits
Thu Apr 13 07:43:54 +0000 2017
"Your Soul Is Not Your Own," "Relinquish & Serve:" Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York Announces New Job Openings
Thu Apr 13 07:41:20 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Queen of Alabama Orders Thousands Emasculated After Online Date Goes Terribly Wrong
Thu Apr 13 07:39:29 +0000 2017
Trump's Secretary of Bullshit Dr. Jessiffer Milligan Demands "Sand Tax," Pulls Reporter's Nose
Thu Apr 13 07:35:21 +0000 2017
Burly Man With Gruesome Tattoos Accosting Visitors to Washington Monument, Demanding True Names, Offering Sage Counsel
Thu Apr 13 07:32:10 +0000 2017
OPINION: https://t.co/2BCoZr4NIX
Thu Apr 13 07:19:13 +0000 2017
Fucking White People Look the Same — @HeadlineSmasher
Wed Apr 12 19:15:19 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 7 Reasons Why I Don't Have to Listen to these Wild Allegations! Now Good Day to You! — @tweetsthecreeps
Tue Apr 11 21:00:39 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Looking for Work in Eternal Mindless Worship? Invoke Nar-Balzaggaroth the Devourer of Dreams at the Old Oak Tree Tonight!
Tue Apr 11 20:05:49 +0000 2017
7 Signs You Might Be One of Them
Tue Apr 11 20:03:52 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Didn't they all get warding charms after the last time? — @tom_forsyth
Tue Apr 11 18:44:26 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Secretary of Health & Human Services Disperses Anthrax Into Press Pool
Tue Apr 11 18:28:42 +0000 2017
Bill Before Congress Would Classify Influenza Victims As "Spiritually Inferior," Denying Medicaid Coverage
Tue Apr 11 11:51:42 +0000 2017
At least ONE of the Cabinet members seems well qualified for her actual Department https://t.co/PwhWkoG5JT — @trochee
Tue Apr 11 06:06:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Spox: "United Airlines wins contract to transport selected AmCits to FEMA camps" — @DarrylDaugherty
Tue Apr 11 06:05:54 +0000 2017
Recreational Use of Sarin Reaches All-Time High
Tue Apr 11 05:30:02 +0000 2017
"Certain Designated Citizens" May Develop "Unexplained Lacerations, Rashes" in the Coming Weeks, "Should Not Worry," Says White House
Tue Apr 11 05:28:55 +0000 2017
Speaking to Reporters, Secretary Milligan Issues Incomprehensible Statement Through Kazoo
Tue Apr 11 05:11:28 +0000 2017
Despite Rhetoric, Democrats Vote Unanimously to Confirm Trump's Nominee for Secretary of Bullshit Dr. Jessifer Milligan
Tue Apr 11 05:10:14 +0000 2017
Trump Demands Your Head
Tue Apr 11 01:46:38 +0000 2017
New Study Shows Hug Withdrawal Can Be "Life-Threatening" Without Treatment
Mon Apr 10 01:14:42 +0000 2017
High on Homemade Corn Syrup, Florida Man Burglarizes Hundreds of Gas Stations Across the Country in Two-Hour Period
Mon Apr 10 00:51:51 +0000 2017
Normpunk Band "Barefoot & Pregnant" Becomes First to Perform Legally in Hell After Trump Lifts Embargo
Mon Apr 10 00:29:37 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Experts: "See? What did I fucking tell you?" — @zacaj_
Mon Apr 10 00:00:38 +0000 2017
"Don't Even Fucking THINK About It," Say Experts: "We're Watching You, So No Funny Business"
Mon Apr 10 00:00:31 +0000 2017
Experts: "Do Not Push That Button"
Sun Apr 09 23:59:56 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Sen. XL333012 (R-FL) Hacks Reporter's Pacemaker
Sun Apr 09 15:22:22 +0000 2017
Fearbot 7947 Vows to Primary Sen. XL333012 (R-FL)
Sun Apr 09 15:17:24 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Impossibly Deep Voice in Men's Bathrooms Nationwide Reciting Unwritten Tract of the Sightless Prince
Sun Apr 09 03:31:33 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: All Units, Stand Down, Contingency Bravo Is No Longer In Effect; I Repeat, Contingency Bravo Is No Longer In Effect
Sun Apr 09 03:23:33 +0000 2017
Experts Agree: The World May Never Be Permitted To Know What You Did Here Today, Boys — But You're All Heroes In My Book
Sun Apr 09 03:22:14 +0000 2017
Pundits: Damn It, Hank, You're Right; Send the Order — Strike Force 27!? My God, You're Still Alive? We Might Just Pull This Off After All
Sun Apr 09 03:18:14 +0000 2017
Polls: With All Due Respect, Ma'am, We Have to Weigh the Viability of the Eurasian Continent Against the Possibility of Scenario BROKEN DAIS
Sun Apr 09 03:15:17 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Protocol Theta Was Never Intended For This Situation, General — Besides, I Haven't Given Up on Strike Force 27 Just Yet
Sun Apr 09 03:11:48 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 CAREER TIPS: She Found This One Weird Trick To Execute Plan Foxtrot-Niner Without Casualties, Enemy Combatants Hate Her! — @NorWesternCrow
Sun Apr 09 03:10:17 +0000 2017
Inside Sources: We Urge You To Enact Protocol Theta At Your Earliest Convenience, Madam Secretary
Sun Apr 09 03:06:42 +0000 2017
Report: Scenario CRIMSON LEGION Has Been Activated; Synchronize All Clocks With Site Charlie-4 & Prepare for Immediate Deployment
Sun Apr 09 03:03:01 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: All "CODEWORD RADON" Personnel Proceed to Designated Locations And Await Further Instructions
Sun Apr 09 03:00:43 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 ANALYSIS: [REDACTED] — @joe_no_privacy
Sun Apr 09 03:00:17 +0000 2017
OPINION: Contingency Bravo Is Now In Effect, This Is Not A Drill
Sun Apr 09 02:57:11 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/4YJl69Y6Ea — @NorWesternCrow
Sun Apr 09 01:24:40 +0000 2017
The continual AU provided by @ApprovedNews6 is easily worth $1 a month. Pay to cope with e x i s t e n c e https://t.co/nP5Yu2kOVu — @viktorwalters
Sat Apr 08 15:23:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I used to enjoy reading the Dead Chronicle. Whatever happened to it? Now it just seems to be Approved News everywhere! — @insomniacity
Fri Apr 07 17:40:33 +0000 2017
Sen. Disastra bel-Malphegor (🐍-MA) Endorses Syria Bearstrike, Urges Use of Ontological Weapons Against Assad Regime
Fri Apr 07 02:17:56 +0000 2017
Despite Risk of Provoking the Shark King of Under-Australia, Trump Orders Bearstrike on Military Targets in Syria
Fri Apr 07 02:11:51 +0000 2017
The Tunnel Beneath the Dead Chronicle Building Is Now Open Again https://t.co/NRaTFvrKtP https://t.co/aEXVxiMVCT — @swamplot
Thu Apr 06 20:54:29 +0000 2017
@shinyplume @ApprovedNews6 Dateline Hollywood: Embodiment of Nameless Dread Gets Daytime Network Talk Show. Format:… https://t.co/pTJEfqnkPu — @DarrylDaugherty
Thu Apr 06 15:29:41 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Great, first the Ashen Doomsphere, now this? How many more metaphysical unliving objects are you going to hire? — @shinyplume
Thu Apr 06 13:27:27 +0000 2017
Neon Doomsphere Joins Approved News 6 as REDACTED Correspondent
Thu Apr 06 12:03:37 +0000 2017
US, EU approve Alabama sale — @TwoHeadlines
Thu Apr 06 09:09:48 +0000 2017
SCANDAL: Washington Post Columnist Found Abusing Black-Market Opinions
Thu Apr 06 04:06:32 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Rubio Conjures Lesser Bureaucrat Against Reporters, Flees in Zeppelin
Thu Apr 06 04:03:00 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 "We need to stop him, before it's too early!" Urges Senate Minority Leader — @zacaj_
Thu Apr 06 03:14:28 +0000 2017
Marco Rubio is Aging Backwards, Says Congressman
Thu Apr 06 03:12:48 +0000 2017
Boy, 7, Died at Age 74 — @HeadlineSmasher
Thu Apr 06 03:12:05 +0000 2017
@AndrewNCassidy @ApprovedNews6 Nice Guys™: "The Moral High Ground is Only Willing to Give Up Territory to Assholes" — @khymchanur
Wed Apr 05 03:06:48 +0000 2017
@AndrewNCassidy @ApprovedNews6 "Nice Guys" Attempt to Seize Moral High Ground, Suffer Massive Casualties — @khymchanur
Wed Apr 05 03:06:46 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents Warn Many Teens Getting Soft on Crime
Wed Apr 05 01:23:15 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Screw this. I'm taking my capybara and going home. Good luck unleashing the Unclean Revenant on Pitt… https://t.co/xmyfBeESqA — @EugeneIpavec
Tue Apr 04 16:32:22 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The invasion of the Friend Zone has begun, awaiting escalation orders from [Redacted] https://t.co/F1Uzx4IN03 — @AndrewNCassidy
Tue Apr 04 16:32:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I'm seriously pissed. I mean, WTF!?! How the hell do I not rate a raven? I'm a third-level Premonitory Hierophant! — @EugeneIpavec
Tue Apr 04 16:31:58 +0000 2017
Illuminati Spokesman Condemns Council of Twelve's "Saber-Rattling," Urgently Whispers Seven Numbers Into Microphone
Mon Apr 03 19:22:48 +0000 2017
LUMINOUS HEDGEHOG is a go; I say again, we are go for LUMINOUS HEDGEHOG. Release the weaponized capybara and proce… https://t.co/CqkzuVyCDI — @medicmsh3141
Mon Apr 03 19:19:14 +0000 2017
Council of Twelve Dispatches Thousands of One-Eyed Ravens to Deliver Ominous Proclamations to Seemingly Ordinary Citizens
Mon Apr 03 19:10:52 +0000 2017
Study: Many Companies Switching to "Placebo Paychecks"
Mon Apr 03 17:04:31 +0000 2017
TOMORROW AT 8/7c: We Visit the Slave Harem of Argentinian Supermodel, Warlord Estela Peralta Ortíz — Only on Approved News 6!
Mon Apr 03 07:01:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Pfft. Everybody knows St. [REDACTED] is highly overrated. She barely even [REDACTED] once. The crowd… https://t.co/ZX462TcmFv — @EugeneIpavec
Mon Apr 03 05:01:46 +0000 2017
Florida Man, High on Weapons-Grade Nutmeg, Straddles Pinnacle of the Everlasting Ascent, Mocks Inchoate Masters of the Sevenfold Truth
Mon Apr 03 03:25:51 +0000 2017
AP: Senate Reaches Deal to Avoid "Hellfire" and Convert to Islam — @HeadlineSmasher
Mon Apr 03 03:16:40 +0000 2017
Scientists Edge Closer to Endless Source of Blood @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/177S5jw9Ai — @Jackapedia_
Mon Apr 03 02:51:06 +0000 2017
Trump Criticized for "Self-Centered" Speech Commemorating the Evisceration of St. REDACTED
Mon Apr 03 02:49:19 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 This is a decision that should be between a human host, their arachnologist, and the gravid spider queen — @3fingeredfox
Sun Apr 02 22:24:59 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 This just means that more and more people will be forced to rely on unsafe, back-alley arachnotherapy providers. — @tweetsthecreeps
Sun Apr 02 22:21:11 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Arachnotherapy is just a scam run by Big Spider to harvest fluid for her never ending brood. — @PithyOrNot
Sun Apr 02 22:21:08 +0000 2017
Fewer & Fewer Insurance Providers Willing to Cover Arachnotherapy
Sun Apr 02 20:56:00 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 At Press Conference, DeVos Sucks the Oxygen from the Room: 18 Dead — @3fingeredfox
Sun Apr 02 04:37:53 +0000 2017
What I Learned From The Time I Was Secretly A Horse — @bottest_takes
Sun Apr 02 04:33:58 +0000 2017
Dimensional Ecologists Warn Failure of April Fools Could Have "Substantial Impact" on REDACTED
Sun Apr 02 04:32:31 +0000 2017
"They Can't Live Here, They Can't Breathe Here, Not Anymore:" Trump Claims Credit for Neutralization of April Fools
Sun Apr 02 04:31:35 +0000 2017
Inexplicable Deaths of April Fools Before Prank Detonation of Seemingly Internal Injuries "Historically Unprecedented," Report Analysts
Sun Apr 02 04:29:40 +0000 2017
April Fool's Day Reaches End Without Single Successful Prank, Human Death
Sun Apr 02 04:27:10 +0000 2017
Judge: Trump — @TwoHeadlines
Sun Apr 02 04:21:28 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 "After a hard day of writing," said one author "I find by the next day that my fiction has become no… https://t.co/Oc9EQGWdKG — @jameshnotts
Sun Apr 02 00:40:15 +0000 2017
Writers of Dystopian Sci-fi File Class Action Suit Against Trump for Intellectual Property Infringement
Sun Apr 02 00:32:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 It's not like I'm an addict, just using them to take the edge off every once in a while. Not like I'… https://t.co/SdnhSi5lor — @theredlongitude
Sun Apr 02 00:20:53 +0000 2017
Ron Paul Taken Offline for Routine Maintenance
Sat Apr 01 21:48:36 +0000 2017
New Law Could Mean End of Over-the-Counter Hugs
Sat Apr 01 21:44:12 +0000 2017
...Wait, did we skip over Threat Condition CERISE WOMBAT? ...Oh God. No! That can only mean that they already- https://t.co/W8TS5eTauN — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Apr 01 21:15:43 +0000 2017
Enraged Dreadlord Seraphina Sturmholz Orders Vermont Dreadguard to Occupy Burlington
Sat Apr 01 20:08:30 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Lady Veronica Schlachtmeister of Burlington Announces Support for Ousted Vermont Dreadlord Theodore Blitzenreich
Sat Apr 01 20:06:59 +0000 2017
but you know they won't add features people are actually asking for, like being able to curse small twitch streamer… https://t.co/ZHor0WnSAF — @SwooshyCueb
Sat Apr 01 20:04:05 +0000 2017
"We Didn't Honor Our Usual Standard of Evidence, And We're Very Sorry For That:" Secretary of the Blindingly Obvious Recants Russia Warning
Sat Apr 01 20:03:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 and why would you want to? The general miasma and skin crawling feeling of doom is a statement that goes with any outfit. — @ElizabethBastyr
Sat Apr 01 20:02:32 +0000 2017
Department of the Blinding Obvious Apologizes for "Premature" Warning that Russia Exists
Sat Apr 01 20:01:03 +0000 2017
Warning of Potential "Unseen Foe," Department of Blood, Sex, & Death Moves to Threat Condition "EBON WREN"
Sat Apr 01 19:48:40 +0000 2017
Six More April Fools Confirmed Deceased; No Signs of Struggle Found
Sat Apr 01 19:44:45 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Any news on badgers? I was promised badgers. — @thebeardlessone
Sat Apr 01 19:25:34 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 seems like a long time to wait for this new premium. At least let me control ants and mosquitoes for the summer. — @ElizabethBastyr
Sat Apr 01 19:25:32 +0000 2017
FASHION: 7 Cursed Pendants You'll Never Be Able to Take Off
Sat Apr 01 19:24:17 +0000 2017
Starting in December, Amazon Prime Members Will Be Able to Control Small Forest Animals
Sat Apr 01 18:54:47 +0000 2017
"Lotta Blood You Got In You, Son," "Be A Shame If Anything Happened To It:" Betsy DeVos Deflects Reporters' Questions
Sat Apr 01 18:46:41 +0000 2017
April Fool Corpse Airlifted to Undisclosed Location for Further Analysis
Sat Apr 01 17:41:38 +0000 2017
"Something is Amiss:" Acting Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Declares "Threat Condition MARBLED PUCE"
Sat Apr 01 17:36:15 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Prank Scientists Report Davenport April Fool "Has Expired;" Cause of Death "Unclear"
Sat Apr 01 17:32:55 +0000 2017
Investigators Report Davenport April Fool Weakened, Bleeding, Wracked by Seizures; "Crawling Resolutely" Towards City Hall
Sat Apr 01 17:32:05 +0000 2017
Department of Blood, Sex, & Death Dispatches Task Force to Investigate Atypical Behavior of Davenport April Fool
Sat Apr 01 17:29:26 +0000 2017
BREAKING: April Fool Sighting Confirmed in Davenport, Iowa; City Officials Order Immediate Evacuation
Sat Apr 01 17:27:01 +0000 2017
"We've Never Seen This Before:" White House Bone Oracles Warn Meaning of Omen "Shrouded in Mystery"
Sat Apr 01 17:25:08 +0000 2017
April Fool's Day: Washington Urges Caution as Magic Bag of Teeth Passed from President to President Emits Sporadic Bursts of Gamma Radiation
Sat Apr 01 17:23:07 +0000 2017
Militants Have Taken Over Most of My Couch — @HeadlineSmasher
Sat Apr 01 07:17:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The Egg Hath Hatched Be very afraid. — @DarrylDaugherty
Sat Apr 01 03:41:27 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 This is an early April Fools. There were no survivors. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Sat Apr 01 03:36:06 +0000 2017
TONIGHT AT 11: Survivors of the Great Twitter Catastrophe Tell Their Story, Only on Approved News 6
Sat Apr 01 00:18:13 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Archaeologists Excited By Reappearance USS Implement of Perversion, Announce Joint Dream Excursion W… https://t.co/WOaaWhDHeC — @MegatronusRex
Fri Mar 31 15:19:26 +0000 2017
12 Ways Destiny Empowers Women — @bottest_takes
Fri Mar 31 06:22:24 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I was totally happy with the rest of his policies, but this has to be the last straw. He’s gone too far this time. — @insomniacity
Thu Mar 30 13:40:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/JezYe5COED — @skotchandsoda
Thu Mar 30 04:55:56 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: The Wholesale Slaughter of Innocent Citizens Should Be Left to the Private Sector
Thu Mar 30 04:00:48 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Government Is Trying To Kill You And It's Time You Showed Some Gratitude
Thu Mar 30 03:57:05 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I wouldn't be surprised if she responds with a retroactive hand-shrinking curse or a hair-eating parasitic weasel — @Chirurgic
Wed Mar 29 21:19:17 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 that level of raw certainty regarding one of the fey could be construed as an assassination attempt — @Chirurgic
Wed Mar 29 21:16:46 +0000 2017
"Fantastical Nonsense," "Borderline Offensive:" Fairy Queen Issues Blistering Rebuttal Against Trump's Claims of Her Existence
Wed Mar 29 21:14:01 +0000 2017
"What is Wrong With You People:" Trump Shocks Establishment by Claiming Fairy Queen "Real Person" Who "Totally Exists"
Wed Mar 29 21:13:15 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 MY STORY: I Was Poisoned by a Story on News Poisoning — @StoryHospital
Wed Mar 29 20:39:38 +0000 2017
News Poisoning Now Leading Cause of Death Among Millennials, Study Warns
Wed Mar 29 18:54:43 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Fungus-Baiting Is Profoundly Irresponsible & Could Lead to Second Spore War
Wed Mar 29 18:52:42 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Fungus-Baiting Is Profoundly Irresponsible & Could Lead to Second Spore War
Wed Mar 29 18:52:42 +0000 2017
OPINION: Trump's Carelessness Could Lead to Fourth Great Archfungus Epidemic
Wed Mar 29 18:50:51 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Sentient Cactus Terrorizes Tallahassee
Wed Mar 29 18:47:54 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Secretary of the Navy Transforms Bodily Into Wrathful Egret
Wed Mar 29 18:44:51 +0000 2017
"It Is Ours Now:" Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities Claims Responsibility for Appearance of USS Implement of Perversion in Dreams
Wed Mar 29 18:44:05 +0000 2017
Ironically, many ritual accoutrements - the bone athames, the obscene tapestries, the brazen cauldrons - had to be… https://t.co/cu0TeXwFVX — @EugeneIpavec
Wed Mar 29 18:33:06 +0000 2017
Even the bats were imported from France. https://t.co/2uJtkXGv0A — @EugeneIpavec
Wed Mar 29 18:32:56 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, May Howls With Malign Laughter, Blood Dripping From Mouth As Thousands of Bats Swarm Woodland Ritual Site
Wed Mar 29 16:27:39 +0000 2017
HM Desdemona: "I Did Not Wrest This Country From Your Pitiful Grasp to Watch Idly as You Schemed Towards Our Destruction"
Wed Mar 29 16:20:51 +0000 2017
Eternal Queen Desdemona I of England "Enraged" After Brexiteer Bone Sorceress Supreme Theresa May Sacrifices Thousands to Invoke Article 50
Wed Mar 29 16:18:37 +0000 2017
Ransoming Unpopular Monarchs "Poor Career Move," Say Experts
Wed Mar 29 05:30:36 +0000 2017
"Okay, Look, Twenty Bucks & You Can Have Him Back," "Be Reasonable Here, Guys, I Got A Dealer to Pay:" Beaver King's Captor Issues Statement
Wed Mar 29 05:28:30 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 um, actually this is an old story from 2010 — @substitute
Tue Mar 28 22:14:32 +0000 2017
"Will Those Selected For Transcendence Please Step Forward:" Press Secretary Spicer Herds Seven Reporters Into "Glorious Portal"
Tue Mar 28 20:53:47 +0000 2017
@skotchandsoda @ApprovedNews6 Congrats to Florida Man on the mass political change, commiserations on not getting the 25 bucks. — @jameshnotts
Tue Mar 28 20:49:05 +0000 2017
Trump Orders Construction of Orb Jail
Tue Mar 28 03:48:13 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 This will be a greater problem if the Beaver Parliament makes a move towards a Beaver Republic while the King is kidnapped. — @jameshnotts
Tue Mar 28 03:03:59 +0000 2017
High on Homemade Rohypnol, Florida Man Kidnaps Beaver King, Demands $25 Ransom
Tue Mar 28 02:23:56 +0000 2017
OPINION: Space Hitler Is Good For Bitcoin
Tue Mar 28 01:58:03 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Find Your Ideal Vacation Now At Scenic "The Slab!" You Will Love "The Slab!" Call Your Dying Mother Now for Reservations!
Tue Mar 28 01:28:31 +0000 2017
Mad Scientists in Goggles & Labcoats March on D.C. to Protest Proposed Vat Tax
Mon Mar 27 16:04:59 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Control Your Doppelgänger With This One Weird Trick, Discovered by a REDACTED
Mon Mar 27 15:37:49 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I made the Circular Cut of Grandiose Ambitions and have never been happier or less prone to weight gain. — @DarrylDaugherty
Mon Mar 27 08:21:04 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Glorify the Ancients With These 7 Simple Incisions
Mon Mar 27 08:08:17 +0000 2017
"You Won't Believe It's Not REDACTED:" Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York Announces New Intravenous Substitute for Hope
Mon Mar 27 08:06:31 +0000 2017
7 Things You Didn't Know Have Already Killed You
Mon Mar 27 04:49:53 +0000 2017
[Update] Upon Closer Examination, Those Who Will Be Swept Away By The New Order Found To Be Overrepresented in Rand… https://t.co/e93S4LfKBL — @EugeneIpavec
Mon Mar 27 03:27:52 +0000 2017
@EugeneIpavec @ApprovedNews6 Grandma used to tell me tales of Discontinued Item #2. Even years later, I can't [REDACTED] without crying. — @flare_director
Mon Mar 27 02:58:09 +0000 2017
LRT @ApprovedNews6 If you click through to the full paper, actual results suggest that your ultimate plan, a work of genius, is unstoppable. — @listelian
Mon Mar 27 02:57:49 +0000 2017
Paul Ryan Calls Press Conference, Weeps
Mon Mar 27 01:00:55 +0000 2017
Willing Victims Question Methodology: "Study fails to account for posthumous realization of death's magnificent pur… https://t.co/SUxr1CXlMk — @tweetsthecreeps
Mon Mar 27 00:47:41 +0000 2017
Spoiled millennials only want the best and the latest. My generation had Discontinued Item #4 and liked it. I haven… https://t.co/5J186BhEDw — @EugeneIpavec
Mon Mar 27 00:46:31 +0000 2017
New Study Shows You Must Be Stopped
Sun Mar 26 23:14:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Virgin Islands sends support in a large banner reading I TOLD YOU SO. — @_HaikusGoddess
Sun Mar 26 22:49:24 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 oh no tit's too late — @VECTORCITIES
Sun Mar 26 22:43:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 what does the Sex Islands Center for Dickseas Cuntrol rectumend to prosext us from the poondemic? — @VECTORCITIES
Sun Mar 26 22:43:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 There might be comorbidity with a pundemic by the sound of things — @President_Ark
Sun Mar 26 22:28:56 +0000 2017
Sex Islands Facing "Highly Cuntagious" Poondemic, Warns World Health Organization
Sun Mar 26 22:20:51 +0000 2017
"We've Been Here All Along," Says Newslord 7: "Don't Look Behind You" https://t.co/QLfUhFsGqA
Sun Mar 26 21:20:56 +0000 2017
Locals Report "Unearthly Hum" from Strange Glass Ziggurats Rising at Intersections All Over Minneapolis
Sun Mar 26 21:19:09 +0000 2017
Asked to Elaborate, Secretary of Navy Performs Somber Waltz, Withers Away to Nothing as Moon Replaces Sun in Darkening Sky
Sun Mar 26 21:12:30 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Navy Reports USS Implement of Perversion Has "Transcended"
Sun Mar 26 21:08:26 +0000 2017
Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York Begins Offering Mandatory New Implants to Unproductive Laborers
Sun Mar 26 21:06:58 +0000 2017
USS Implement of Perversion, Believed Scuttled off Coast of Forbidden Lands, Reappears in Dreams of Psychically Weak Americans
Sun Mar 26 20:58:08 +0000 2017
TSA: Travelers Without Hopes, Derams May Be Eligible for "Trusted Traveler" Certification https://t.co/GPpKOkAdLb
Sun Mar 26 06:48:07 +0000 2017
"The Task Is Not Finished 'Til God Himself Squirms Beneath My Scalpel:" Heresiarch Salamandra Gives "Moving Speech" in Hidden Valley
Sun Mar 26 06:47:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Supreme Court Rules Warrant Needed to Search Past Lives of Criminal Suspects — @khymchanur
Sat Mar 25 21:48:56 +0000 2017
Trump Signs Executive Order Authorizing Immigration Agents to Confiscate Travelers' Names, Voices
Sat Mar 25 20:06:36 +0000 2017
Cibolo Police Among First Locally to Test Bees for Use in Law Enforcement — @hail_ants_bot
Sat Mar 25 11:12:34 +0000 2017
TSA: Starting in August, Passengers Will Be Required to Surrender Any & All Hopes & Dreams to Security Personnel
Sat Mar 25 00:34:06 +0000 2017
Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York Seeks to Patent Death
Fri Mar 24 18:50:07 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Experts: "What Are *You* Looking At?" — @khymchanur
Fri Mar 24 18:12:25 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: You May Have A Future in Blood-Cursed Relics! It Is Futile to Flee
Thu Mar 23 22:47:46 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/j9QMszzcDj — @khymchanur
Thu Mar 23 09:08:14 +0000 2017
Accused of Axe Evasion, Trump Declares Self God of Piss, Demands Reporter's Firstborn
Thu Mar 23 09:02:59 +0000 2017
Do Your Ancestors Carry the Fear-Taint of the All-Defiler? The Answer May Surprise You
Wed Mar 22 11:53:44 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 That will never pass the Senate, those dirty heathens. — @AxelBordelon
Tue Mar 21 11:06:57 +0000 2017
OPINION: Not Even God Can Save You Now
Tue Mar 21 08:02:48 +0000 2017
@StoryHospital @ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Nah, Just Wait A Little, The Real Shit Hasn't Even Started Yet — @usr_local_share
Tue Mar 21 07:59:51 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: The shit is realer than you think it is — @awr_hey
Tue Mar 21 07:59:39 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: Damn, Yo — @StoryHospital
Tue Mar 21 07:27:29 +0000 2017
House Votes Unanimously to Pass Blood-Soaked Bill Consisting Only of Word "Repent"
Tue Mar 21 07:27:07 +0000 2017
Experts: "Like, Whoa, Dude," "You're Really In For It This Time"
Tue Mar 21 07:25:50 +0000 2017
"Not Gonna Lie, Man," Say Experts: "That Is Some Real Fuckin' Shit"
Tue Mar 21 07:25:05 +0000 2017
What do the Whispering Void, the Flaying Harp of the Crimson Queen, & the Secretary of the Treasury All Have in Common? Read Now to Find Out
Tue Mar 21 07:16:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 they'll just find the new edition formed fresh in the ashes — @pyroIke
Tue Mar 21 07:11:22 +0000 2017
4 Unique Ways to Tell Whoopi Goldberg How Black People Feel About Ice Cream — @HeadlineSmasher
Tue Mar 21 07:10:55 +0000 2017
All Copies of Codex Salamandrium Owned by Federal Government Being Burned, Whistleblower Reports
Tue Mar 21 02:14:23 +0000 2017
Vellithrax Magna, Mountain Amid the Plain of Dreams & Inchoate Architect of All Desire, Derides Belief in Gods as "Relic of the Olden Times"
Mon Mar 20 21:55:14 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Azaron the Deceiver, Lurker in the Woods & Creator of Geese, Uploads YouTube Video Detailing Case Against Own Existence
Mon Mar 20 21:48:07 +0000 2017
Poll: More Gods Each Year Becoming Atheists
Mon Mar 20 21:44:38 +0000 2017
Unicorn Lair Discovered in Antarctica — @HeadlineSmasher
Mon Mar 20 17:08:33 +0000 2017
Chittering With Malign Glee, New York Police Begin Excavating New Hive
Mon Mar 20 07:00:56 +0000 2017
Lords Pejorative of Dire Straits Push Back American Troops After Intense Fighting at Point of No Return
Mon Mar 20 00:24:24 +0000 2017
OPINION: Americans Must Stop Appropriating Democracy
Sun Mar 19 23:32:31 +0000 2017
Vindictive Volcanomancers Vow Vengeance Against Heresiarch Salamandra of the Hidden Valley
Sun Mar 19 23:19:34 +0000 2017
"Please, No More," "There's Too Many Already," "Oh God, There's One Inside Me:" Customers "Enthusiastic" for Return of Discontinued Item #7
Sun Mar 19 22:56:31 +0000 2017
Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York Reportedly in Talks to Resume Production of "Discontinued Item #7"
Sun Mar 19 22:55:08 +0000 2017
@3fingeredfox @ApprovedNews6 The failing Bone Oracles, whose follower numbers are way down, keep spreading these FAKE PROPHECIES. Sad! — @joe_no_privacy
Sun Mar 19 22:53:48 +0000 2017
What The Bone Oracles Aren't Telling You About the Ashen Figures That Wander Hotel Halls Singing Haunting Melodies Between Sunset & Dawn
Sun Mar 19 19:08:53 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Satoshi Nakamoto Revealed to be Chicago Orb
Sun Mar 19 19:03:00 +0000 2017
Colorado Invades Utah
Sat Mar 18 21:34:27 +0000 2017
Chanting in Cursed Tongue of the Salamanders, Hollow-Eyed Protesters in Tattered Black Robes Surround the Chicago Orb
Fri Mar 17 22:06:19 +0000 2017
Trump Announces REDACTED Cuts to "Crack Down" on Stone Hoarders
Fri Mar 17 21:45:07 +0000 2017
THINKPIECE: President Just a Front for Domination Orb #422? — @softfennec
Fri Mar 17 19:25:55 +0000 2017
OPINION: "President" Is A Slur
Fri Mar 17 19:24:04 +0000 2017
Catastropharch of the Dire Straits Condemns American Invasion
Fri Mar 17 18:50:02 +0000 2017
Trump Orders Military to Invade the Dire Straits, Intensify Airstrikes on the Moral High Ground
Fri Mar 17 18:46:04 +0000 2017
High on Synthetic Rosemary, Florida Man Desecrates Blood-Hall of the All-Defiler, Demands Tribute
Thu Mar 16 19:21:34 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Secretary of Transportation Begs for Mercy
Thu Mar 16 00:34:32 +0000 2017
Beset by Soul-Starved Roadway Revenants, Department of Transportation Reverses Decision to Close Cursed Highways
Thu Mar 16 00:31:09 +0000 2017
Department of Transportation Closes 7 Cursed Highways
Wed Mar 15 18:16:11 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/yAeYjDfKKk — @mjhutchinson
Wed Mar 15 18:11:54 +0000 2017
"You Cannot Hope to Contain Us," Say Inside Sources; "With Your Blood We Shall Purchase Our Freedom"
Wed Mar 15 00:49:07 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 hey that's just fewer road improvement projects i have to pay for — @SietchDargmarc
Tue Mar 14 20:51:22 +0000 2017
Strange Glass Ziggurats Rising From Intersections All Over Minneapolis "Nothing to Worry About," Say City Officials
Tue Mar 14 20:42:17 +0000 2017
Is the Faceless Adjutant the Reason Trump Won? We Ask the REDACTED, Tonight at 11
Tue Mar 14 20:40:00 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Do Your Houseplants Mock You as You Sleep? This Loathsome Whalebone Pendant (CERTIFIED UNCONTAMINATED) May Be Just What You Need
Tue Mar 14 20:38:52 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Director of Department of Paranoia Addresses Reporters: "Who Sent You?! How Did You Find Me?!" — @khymchanur
Tue Mar 14 09:03:39 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 LIFESTYLE: Gloating Laughter is Out, Terrified Cowering is In — @khymchanur
Tue Mar 14 09:03:37 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/YL1HmYbjoD — @tweetsthecreeps
Tue Mar 14 09:03:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Anonymous Sources: "White House Barely Noticed Bannon's Absence, Sinking into Black Abyss Continues." — @MegatronusRex
Sun Mar 12 23:22:15 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Bannon Derides Reporters as "Preps," "Jocks;" Demands Hairdye
Sun Mar 12 23:13:41 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Bannon Tripped by Freshman in Attempt to Flee High School, Returned to Locker by Order of Principal
Sun Mar 12 23:10:56 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Steve Bannon Escapes High School Locker After Months-Long Imprisonment
Sun Mar 12 23:10:02 +0000 2017
27 Signs Your Roommate Is Actually a Synthetic Human Cadaver — @HeadlineSmasher
Sun Mar 12 19:29:55 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Without Your Support, Funding, & Extracted Nightmares, Approved News 6 Cannot Function https://t.co/jGZo7r9oQN
Sun Mar 12 01:02:00 +0000 2017
It's time for Democrats and [REDACTED] to take the unabashedly leftist position that this is good. Stop the panderi… https://t.co/piJSm2vh2V — @listelian
Sun Mar 12 00:57:57 +0000 2017
Republicans: Outlawing Ineffability Defense Will Make America "Much Less Attractive" to Extradimensional Investors
Sat Mar 11 19:38:14 +0000 2017
Report: Sen. Disastra bel-Malphegor (🐍-MA) May Face Primary Challenge From the Avatar of Desolation
Sat Mar 11 19:36:39 +0000 2017
Eerily Mechanical State Senators Vote Unanimously to Declare Tuneless Clanking "Official Language" of New York State
Sat Mar 11 19:01:19 +0000 2017
Accused of Funding Machine Cults in Middle East, Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York Engraves "DEFECTIVE" Into Reporter's Forehead
Sat Mar 11 18:51:50 +0000 2017
"America's Top Cockroach" Canceled After Host's Conviction on Multiple Counts of Bone Heresy
Sat Mar 11 18:48:39 +0000 2017
"'Do As Thou Wilt' Shall Be The Whole Of The Law:" Sen. Disastra bel-Malphegor (🐍-MA) Affirms Support for GOP Healthcare Bill
Sat Mar 11 09:01:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Damn Millennials can't even die properly *shakes fist* — @joe_no_privacy
Sat Mar 11 05:34:42 +0000 2017
Can Dread Rites Cause Early-Onset Immortality in Unsuspecting Teens? Find Out Tonight, Only on Approved News 6
Sat Mar 11 05:32:47 +0000 2017
Dicktator of the Sex Islands Declares Vore on Erotican Repubic
Sat Mar 11 04:04:31 +0000 2017
Warlocks Anonymous Slams Study for "Excusing Relapse," "Promoting Dread Rites"
Sat Mar 11 03:32:17 +0000 2017
New Study Shows Abstinence From Dark Magic May Lead to "Cycle of Addiction" In Longtime Mages
Sat Mar 11 03:28:07 +0000 2017
"It Is Past Time We Held Xenojudicial Beings to the Causal Standards of This Universe:" Democrats Speak Out in Support of Bill
Sat Mar 11 02:49:40 +0000 2017
New Bill Would Ban Ineffability Defense in Felony Cases
Sat Mar 11 02:47:40 +0000 2017
Approached by Police, Men in Fake Beards Distributing Nebraska Terror Serum Flee, Yodeling, into the Hills
Sat Mar 11 02:16:53 +0000 2017
Dozens of Men in Fake Beards "Freely Distributing" Nebraska Terror Serum Vials in Cincinnati, Say Sources
Sat Mar 11 02:12:28 +0000 2017
Illuminati Secretary-General Ulikh Yoor Condemns Claimant of the Ninth Seat's "Sensationalist Rhetoric"
Sat Mar 11 02:09:51 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Council of Twelve's Whisperer to Wolves & Claimant of the Ninth Seat Unveils Illuminated Manuscript
Sat Mar 11 02:08:23 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Illuminati, Council of Twelve Agents Embroiled in "Brutal Dance-Off" in Rural Kentucky
Sat Mar 11 02:06:07 +0000 2017
Approached by Reporters, White House Press Secretary Dons Executioner's Hood, Recites the Flaying Verse of Crimson Queen
Sat Mar 11 02:04:19 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/dUJwBWAoeT — @khymchanur
Thu Mar 09 22:27:52 +0000 2017
In Party-Line Vote, Senate Passes Bill to Outlaw Relatable Content
Thu Mar 09 19:38:51 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Experts: "La La La La La, I Can't *Hear* You!" — @khymchanur
Thu Mar 09 08:02:57 +0000 2017
fyi @ApprovedNews6 won't be updating during #ADayWithoutAWoman, since, y'know, the author is one — @velartrill
Wed Mar 08 06:27:58 +0000 2017
In "Daring Heist" on Government Facility, Illuminati Agents Make Off With 700 Liters of Nebraska Terror Serum
Wed Mar 08 06:21:23 +0000 2017
The Statue Of Liberty has gone dark and no one knows why https://t.co/ckXLfVPHrV https://t.co/x86LhMgLfa — @BuzzFeedNews
Wed Mar 08 04:55:49 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Experts: The "Tautology Crisis" is a Crisis Involving Tautology — @khymchanur
Wed Mar 08 04:08:18 +0000 2017
Jackass Judge Rules That Baby Can't Be Trusted — @HeadlineSmasher
Wed Mar 08 03:19:40 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Only You Can Prevent REDACTED - Make Your Pledge to Support Approved News 6 Today https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Wed Mar 08 02:37:13 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Jeez, if they can't even improve Cincinnati's locals a little while they're at it, I dunno what I'm tithing them for. — @VinnieTesla
Wed Mar 08 02:36:24 +0000 2017
Trump "Has Been Searching For Excuses to Nuke the Moon" Ever Since Being Assassinated by Ben Carson, Senate Democrats Report Dismissively
Wed Mar 08 02:35:50 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Trump Frantically Orders Military to Nuke the Moon
Wed Mar 08 02:33:59 +0000 2017
In Response to Petrograd Offensive, Council of Twelve Withers All Roses in Cincinnati, Replaces Hundreds of Locals With Exact Replicas
Wed Mar 08 02:32:41 +0000 2017
"All Our Keys Are Missing:" Millions of Petrograd Residents "Locked Out" of Houses, Automobiles, Places of Employment, Sources Report
Wed Mar 08 02:30:45 +0000 2017
Russians in Full Retreat as Illuminati Declares "Operational Status LOATHSOME TANAGER," Unveils the Ashen Obelisk
Wed Mar 08 02:28:02 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Illuminati Secretary-General Ulikh Yoor REDACTED Hundreds of Seagulls [REDACTED] Weapons-Grade Plutonium [REDACTED]
Wed Mar 08 02:24:13 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Illuminati Declares "Operational Status YOU FELL RIGHT INTO OUR TRAP", Mocks Russian Assault Forces — @khymchanur
Wed Mar 08 02:20:34 +0000 2017
Russian Forces Launch Surprise Assault on Illuminati Targets Inside Arctic Circle
Wed Mar 08 02:18:28 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Illuminati Declares "Operational Status DISTANT SPARROW," Dispatches Black Helicopters to Arctic Circle
Tue Mar 07 21:52:00 +0000 2017
Bone Oracles: Retasking of Clandestine Satellites by Illuminati May Signify "Imminent Shift" to "Operational Status DISTANT SPARROW"
Tue Mar 07 21:50:53 +0000 2017
"It Is All So Clear Now:" Smiling Knowingly, Reporter Brandishes Whalebone Pendant, Strides Away Across the Sea
Tue Mar 07 21:48:44 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Forbidden Lands Shadow Council Tenderly Fastens Whalebone Pendant Around Reporter's Neck, Sinks Slowly Into the Sand
Tue Mar 07 21:47:40 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Illuminati Declares "Operational Status LUCENT WARBLER," Moves Seven Previously Undetected Satellites to Position Over Cincinnati
Tue Mar 07 21:46:28 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Seemingly Ordinary Citizen Smiles Distantly, Disrobes, & Disappears Beneath the Waves
Tue Mar 07 21:42:05 +0000 2017
Council of Twelve Vows "Immediate Action" Against Illuminati, Bestows Mysterious Boon Upon 7 Seemingly Ordinary Citizens
Tue Mar 07 21:40:42 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Illuminati Spokesman Begins Giggling Hysterically
Tue Mar 07 21:38:07 +0000 2017
Illuminati Declares "Operational Status LUMINOUS HEDGEHOG," Begins Seemingly Random Movement of Personnel
Tue Mar 07 21:36:55 +0000 2017
Slug-Lord Jephrezon of the Wailing Expanse Indicted on Charges of Soul-Laundering
Mon Mar 06 23:18:15 +0000 2017
Citing "Saracen Hordes," "The Things Inside the Stars," Trump Declares War on Moon
Mon Mar 06 22:29:38 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 New Study: "Get Off My Lawn!" — @khymchanur
Mon Mar 06 20:17:16 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Drop in cough syrup prices will fix that. — @IncookieCook
Sun Mar 05 09:40:07 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 WikiLeaks says it was the US Navy… — @DarrylDaugherty
Sun Mar 05 09:36:18 +0000 2017
Trump's Secretary of Pain Nominee Sen. Devour-the-Unworthy-and-Seed-the-Earth-With-Their-Blood Robertson (R-██) Spontaneously Implodes
Sun Mar 05 09:35:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 He's still polling well in parts of Massachusetts. — @DarrylDaugherty
Sun Mar 05 09:33:12 +0000 2017
"The Shark King of Where?", "Sorry, Doesn't Ring Any Bells:" God-Empress Anastasiya Vasilyeva of Russia Denies Assassination Allegations
Sun Mar 05 09:12:09 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I remember when they tried that shit with the Marianas Trench Leviathan and the entire coastline of Asia changed. Idiots. — @PithyOrNot
Sun Mar 05 09:11:13 +0000 2017
"The Bigger They Are, The Harder They Fall:" Nar-Balzaggaroth the Devourer of Dreams "Has Lost All Credibility," Report D.C. Insiders
Sun Mar 05 09:05:09 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Shark King of Under-Australia Narrowly Escapes Assassination Attempt; Russia Blamed
Sun Mar 05 09:02:48 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Monks of the Desolate Plateau Slam Trump's Comments As "Divisive," Howl Mournfully at the Flaying Star
Sun Mar 05 07:46:11 +0000 2017
Trump Derides Opponents as "Supplicants at the Shrine of Desolation," "Fit Only to be Impaled" Upon "The Fangs of the Great Golden Beast"
Sun Mar 05 07:43:45 +0000 2017
Are Teens Getting High on Sobriety? The Answer May Surprise You
Sun Mar 05 00:38:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: End the Comprehensive Nuclear-Handshake-Ban Treaty — @awr_yeah
Sat Mar 04 23:33:46 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 New Study: "Oh No, Not Again" — @khymchanur
Sat Mar 04 22:56:05 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: It's Time to Embrace the War on Hugs — @StoryHospital
Sat Mar 04 03:52:59 +0000 2017
OPINION: It's Time to End the War on Hugs
Sat Mar 04 03:15:24 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents Warn Many Middleschoolers Afflicted by "Slime Mania"
Sat Mar 04 01:31:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 asked how to avoid being burned up, indicates they will land at night. — @tomscud
Sat Mar 04 01:00:10 +0000 2017
Trump Vows to Colonize the Sun
Fri Mar 03 23:33:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The Silicon Death Valley-based firm has no name and cannot be perceived except as a slight wind across the back of the neck. — @flare_director
Fri Mar 03 20:19:43 +0000 2017
This Hot New Startup Wants to Disrupt Eternity
Fri Mar 03 19:56:20 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Approved News 6 Editorial Squad Leads Daring Raid to Recover Great News Orb From CNN
Fri Mar 03 02:27:35 +0000 2017
"There Is No Such Thing As Green," "It's Not A Color, Okay, It's Not Real:" Sean Spicer Flies Into "Apoplectic Fit" After Question About Sun
Thu Mar 02 23:08:11 +0000 2017
Newslord 7 Urges Viewers Like You to Make "Immediate Pledges," "Secure a Future" for Journalism in America https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Thu Mar 02 22:40:35 +0000 2017
"So Close, And Yet So Far:" Newslords, Faces Stained With Tears & Journalistic Integrity, Report $1000/Month Needed to Retain Great News Orb
Thu Mar 02 22:39:32 +0000 2017
Analysts: Without Great News Orb, Approved News 6 Faces Uncertain Future
Thu Mar 02 22:33:48 +0000 2017
Newslords "Desperate," Say Sources: "We Must Raise the Funds to Strike Back Before All Is Lost" https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Thu Mar 02 22:32:40 +0000 2017
CALAMITY: After Drop in Funding Reduces Approved News 6 Security, CNN Strike Force Reacquires the Great News Orb
Thu Mar 02 22:31:42 +0000 2017
Could Wormhole Cause Diabetes? — @sciencesuggests
Thu Mar 02 21:45:43 +0000 2017
9/10 Doctors Recommend 10ccs of Nebraska Terror Serum Injected Immediately Into Your Femoral Artery: "Act Now & We Might Just Survive This"
Thu Mar 02 11:37:13 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: “The Target Is Not Who You Thought They Were, and Now You Will All Pay For Your Meddling” — @insomniacity
Thu Mar 02 10:28:58 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: At Last, Ultimate Power Is Within My Grasp! Aaaahahahahahahaha!! — @khymchanur
Thu Mar 02 04:23:57 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Experts: "Ugh, It's Too Early in the Morning to Deal With This" — @khymchanur
Thu Mar 02 02:37:26 +0000 2017
"Target Is Secure," Report Experts: "Awaiting Extraction at Rendezvous Point, Over'
Wed Mar 01 23:00:16 +0000 2017
"We're All Just Fine Here," Say White House Correspondents Bitten by Bats, Eyes Wide, Unblinking, Blood Pooling At Their Feet
Tue Feb 28 21:13:19 +0000 2017
"You Are All Completely Safe," Press Secretary Spicer Tells Reporters, As Lights Flicker & Bats Emerge from Air Ducts
Tue Feb 28 21:10:23 +0000 2017
BREAKING: NEWSLORD 7 ISSUES URGENT PROCLAMATION https://t.co/KHkGIAcmfi https://t.co/yaT1TGD5Xs — @ApprovedNews6
Tue Feb 28 20:46:16 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 not very environmentally conscious to be riding a fossil on fossil fuels — @awr_yeah
Tue Feb 28 08:14:50 +0000 2017
Florida Man, High on Prescription Hugs, Drives Motorized Dinosaur Skeleton Through DMV, Wounding Hundreds
Tue Feb 28 08:12:16 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Vengeance is Sweet Only When Earned Through Dedication & Hard Work; All Else is Hollow & Bitter
Tue Feb 28 06:28:00 +0000 2017
OPINION: Government-Subsidized Vengeance is a Vital Component of Welfare
Tue Feb 28 06:25:41 +0000 2017
OBAMA Using Federal Funds to Fuel His Vengeance — @HeadlineSmasher
Tue Feb 28 06:25:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 You won't believe number 4! Because you're already afflicted and have lost the capacity for faith and wonder! — @tweetsthecreeps
Tue Feb 28 04:11:18 +0000 2017
Total clickbait. My father and grandfather both worked in the soul mines and lived long and happy lives. https://t.co/fmyen0DCO3 — @wildmikebennett
Tue Feb 28 02:39:25 +0000 2017
7 Reasons You Need to Worry About Soul Poisonin