Latest NewsRead in Chronological Order
Leftists Stage D.C. Protest to Demand Re-Enactment of 1944 "Bane Unto All The Dead" Act
Tue Jul 18 19:06:41 +0000 2017
Man's graphic photos a reminder to be careful with lime juice, sunshine https://t.co/nYPjVliMGk — @fox8news
Tue Jul 18 04:49:41 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Murder Weapon Found in Dumpster Near Scene, Confiscated by Tall Figures in Dark Glasses Who Refused to Identify Selves
Mon Jul 17 22:43:01 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Florida Man Beaten to Death With Tactical Nuclear Weapon, Says Coroner
Mon Jul 17 22:36:02 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment on Trump's Nominee, Former Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Kingsley Hellthrash Challenges Moroccan Horrorbird to Duel
Mon Jul 17 22:15:24 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Moroccan Horrorbird Accepts Trump's Appointment as Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death, but Faces "Uphill Battle" for Confirmation
Mon Jul 17 22:14:27 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: *spits bloody tooth, grins* — @MonsieurLongIII
Mon Jul 17 22:12:39 +0000 2017
OPINION: Damn You, Why Won't You Just Die
Mon Jul 17 21:43:26 +0000 2017
"Hope & Chains: The Department of Obedience, The Men Without Eyes, and Obama's Greatest Mistake" Panned by Press
Mon Jul 17 20:36:25 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 well, horrorbirds do seek out sites of great hope to commit their horrors... — @martijaxn
Mon Jul 17 20:34:33 +0000 2017
"It's Great Work, I Love It, Such a Great Bird:" Expressing Admiration, Trump Offers Escaped Moroccan Horrorbird Cabinet Position
Mon Jul 17 20:22:19 +0000 2017
Moroccan Horrorbird Escapes National Zoo, Pulverizes Lincoln Memorial
Mon Jul 17 20:17:21 +0000 2017
SOCIETY: Paul Ryan's Personal Physician Describes Senator as "Bacteriological Calamity," "Outlawed Under Bioweapon Treaties"
Sun Jul 16 23:34:27 +0000 2017
This Disruptive New Startup Wants to Help Overwhelmed Parents by Converting Troublesome Children into Biodiesel
Sun Jul 16 15:27:44 +0000 2017
"Like I'm Scared of A Slow Loris:" Acting Secretary Moongristle Dismisses Bounty
Sun Jul 16 01:11:02 +0000 2017
California Occupational Governor Kingsley Hellthrash Places $10,000 Bounty on Acting Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Mervin Moongristle
Sun Jul 16 01:09:46 +0000 2017
As Tensions Rise, Swamp-Queen Vladimunda Commits Legions of Alligators and Bog-Beasts to Aid in Defense of the Whispering Woods
Sun Jul 16 01:06:22 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 and they say kids aren't interested in church anymore... — @martijaxn
Sun Jul 16 00:54:42 +0000 2017
Why We're Hyped for the Return of She Who Lurks Beneath the Mire
Sun Jul 16 00:53:38 +0000 2017
"You Would Fulfill the Prophecy of the Great Worm and Thereby Doom Us All, You Fools, You Madmen:" Protestors Vow to Picket Museum
Sun Jul 16 00:49:47 +0000 2017
The Effigy of the Sunken Prince to be Displayed at National Museum of the REDACTED, Despite Activist Protests
Sun Jul 16 00:46:20 +0000 2017
@ComicsCourtney @ApprovedNews6 How do they keep getting people to do this, does nobody request a Mortality Analysis… https://t.co/vkScgdvelK — @PithyOrNot
Sun Jul 16 00:26:09 +0000 2017
Spokeswoman Sister Vindicta: "Legiones Nostrum Crescit Semper Atque Numquam Vincentur"
Sun Jul 16 00:25:16 +0000 2017
Occupied Oregon: More & Teens Deserting Their Families to Take Up Vows as Blood-Soaked Maidens of the Cold Sword
Sun Jul 16 00:17:49 +0000 2017
Ooh boy, I hope they're gonna read the inscription out loud! https://t.co/LKrGs9xtCQ — @ComicsCourtney
Sun Jul 16 00:14:16 +0000 2017
Should the Legally Subhuman Continue to be Denied Access to Summary Incineration Centers? Discover This Startup's Radical New Idea
Sun Jul 16 00:13:59 +0000 2017
New Research Challenges Stereotypes of Mutants as Drug Dealers & Bringers of Madness
Sun Jul 16 00:09:42 +0000 2017
Can You Have Both A Successful Career And A Family? The Prophecy of the Sundered Continent Says Yes!
Sun Jul 16 00:07:31 +0000 2017
LIFESTYLE: 7 Top Reasons Why He's Leaving You For a Shrieking Shadow Thing
Sun Jul 16 00:05:20 +0000 2017
You'll Never Believe What We're About to Do With This Ancient Bas-Relief Carving of A Forgotten Void God
Sun Jul 16 00:03:08 +0000 2017
THIS DAY IN HISTORY, 1947: https://t.co/310mvG8Fr8
Sat Jul 15 18:36:34 +0000 2017
"Folks Need To Know Lifelong Suffering Is Not Acceptable:" Pressed on 20-Year Mandatory Minimums for Chronic Pain Patients, Dems Double Down
Sat Jul 15 05:17:47 +0000 2017
Citing "Opioid Epidemic," Senators Agree on Need to "Get Tough on Pain"
Sat Jul 15 05:11:25 +0000 2017
Dems' Amendment to Republican Healthcare Bill Seeks to Classify Chronic Pain as Federal Crime
Sat Jul 15 05:10:23 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Nice Try, Officer
Fri Jul 14 19:33:47 +0000 2017
"Stop Right There, Miscreant," Say Experts
Fri Jul 14 19:26:15 +0000 2017
OPINION: Not So Fast, Scoundrel
Fri Jul 14 19:14:22 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Traditional Augury has its head up its ass. They're still stuck in the Bronze Age! Only Progressive… https://t.co/N1o96NBIE7 — @EugeneIpavec
Fri Jul 14 02:31:54 +0000 2017
Elementary School Field Trip to the Chicago Orb Ends in REDACTED
Fri Jul 14 00:31:10 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/Bx31jWorVe — @timserpas
Thu Jul 13 22:20:29 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 They can say what they want but it's MY RIGHT as an AMERICAN to experiment on myself with lost alie… https://t.co/uY00Skny2W — @Timecrash
Thu Jul 13 22:04:00 +0000 2017
He's back! https://t.co/SFRyxxGb4B — @umacf24
Thu Jul 13 22:03:50 +0000 2017
cc: @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/1KCIxdYlKZ — @rhcm123
Thu Jul 13 22:03:03 +0000 2017
REDACTED Spokes[REDACTED] Refuses to Comment on Rumors "Asset 291-Golf" Has "Turned Hostile"
Thu Jul 13 20:20:28 +0000 2017
"He's Building A Nest Or Something," "Do Slow Lorises Even Build Nests?" California Occupational Gov. Kingsley Hellthrash Spotted in D.C.
Thu Jul 13 20:02:36 +0000 2017
@flare_director @ApprovedNews6 Space Cops issue "stern warning," warn Space Criminals "We will be very disappointed in you" — @Chirurgic
Thu Jul 13 19:10:49 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 BREAKING: "Everything is Legal in Space," Declares Space Monarch Galactica Bloodmouth XXVI; "Who Wou… https://t.co/3ALQKDkkuQ — @flare_director
Thu Jul 13 18:41:47 +0000 2017
(yes, it's set in the Approved Newsiverse) — @velartrill
Thu Jul 13 17:29:55 +0000 2017
last call for those who missed it: I've got a new microfiction account up at @substation77 — @velartrill
Thu Jul 13 17:29:54 +0000 2017
OPINION: The War on Space Crime Has Been A Failure — It's Time for Legalization
Thu Jul 13 16:40:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 This is just another effort by Big Necromancy to regulate alternative magic to death — @FXSPeteMurray
Thu Jul 13 16:39:44 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, California Occupational Governor Kingsley Hellthrash Hides in Leg of Reporter's Pants
Thu Jul 13 16:39:38 +0000 2017
Unions Protest California's New Licensing Regulations for Veterinary Thaumaturgy, Xenoengineering, & Traditional Augury
Thu Jul 13 16:36:00 +0000 2017
Conway brings visual aids to Hannity to explain Trump-Russia probe https://t.co/DF9OLFqY58 https://t.co/FF4ZeIqyNX — @thehill
Thu Jul 13 14:21:06 +0000 2017
…REGIONAL COMMAND, BE ADVISED CHAIRWOMAN HAS TAKEN SPECIAL INTEREST IN LIQUIDATION OF ASSET 291-GOLF…OPERATIONAL STATUS FALCON NOW APPLIES … — @substation77
Wed Jul 12 22:07:36 +0000 2017
A framed version of the mystical orb photo is now being displayed in the West Wing. https://t.co/W6VSSAoMvN — @hunterw
Wed Jul 12 21:36:33 +0000 2017
this is the best political scandal of the week https://t.co/kthBNoQ3DN https://t.co/qQqoWG4c8X — @matt_levine
Wed Jul 12 19:43:34 +0000 2017
…DVISED OBJECT NEHEMOTH-99 HAS BEEN FULLY SECURED AND IS EN ROUTE TO FACILITY 47. REPEAT, OBJECT NEHEMOTH-99 HAS BEEN FULLY… — @substation77
Wed Jul 12 19:12:19 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 LIFESTYLE: Seven Unpronounceable Syllables Every Man Wants to Hear — @MonsieurLongIII
Wed Jul 12 03:38:59 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I *thought* my e-Ballot was unusually saucy last year... — @EugeneIpavec
Tue Jul 11 22:12:39 +0000 2017
Attn: @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/QFRi8wgNPo — @FXSPeteMurray
Tue Jul 11 19:39:49 +0000 2017
Using salt circle runes to trap an A.I. car is possibly the most cyberpunk thing ever. https://t.co/4ckbQlMyBS — @Gossenphilosoph
Tue Jul 11 18:06:10 +0000 2017
Meet the Bipartisan Coalition That Wants to Ban Fun
Tue Jul 11 17:16:05 +0000 2017
"You May Not Know It," Say Scientists, "But You Have Been Preparing For This Moment Your Entire Lives"
Tue Jul 11 03:14:05 +0000 2017
Officials Urge Citizens to "Harden Your Hearts & Steel Your Will;" "Only Through Courage & Strength Will You Prevail"
Tue Jul 11 03:11:49 +0000 2017
"Do Not Think You Will Not Be Tested," Say Sources: "You Will Be, Oh Yes; You Will Be"
Tue Jul 11 03:09:56 +0000 2017
Experts: "The World Will Be Forever Changed In The Days To Come"
Tue Jul 11 03:09:26 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 @velartrill , My wife requests that you publish an English-Erotican glossary. Dicktionary, I guess. — @SomethingAsmora
Tue Jul 11 01:49:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/bs0pNr7iSe — @zacaj_
Tue Jul 11 01:03:27 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Fake nudes! Clitizens Poonited breastablished that cumpanies can partitsipate in erection cumpaigns.… https://t.co/wijsHZtJIS — @tweetsthecreeps
Mon Jul 10 22:58:38 +0000 2017
President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Reveals 4 Cumpanies Sackused of Skinterfering in 2016 American Genital Erection
Mon Jul 10 21:10:38 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents Endorse New Bill Criminalizing Failure to Floss, Advocate for Mandatory Death Penalty
Mon Jul 10 20:03:12 +0000 2017
South Florida to Add Mandatory "Methematics" Courses At All Secondary Schools
Mon Jul 10 19:32:27 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 i appreciate your ongoing support greatly and i hope i'll be able to get back to writing AN6 soon. i… https://t.co/WCRLoK2KmC — @velartrill
Mon Jul 10 05:54:04 +0000 2017
apologies to my patrons that @ApprovedNews6 hasn't been updating much lately. dealing with a lot of mental health problems right now. — @velartrill
Mon Jul 10 05:52:50 +0000 2017
You gotta admit—among the lack of substance of the Trump presidency, it's a relief to still have someone like Ryan… https://t.co/eLJf2owLOB — @mcclure111
Sun Jul 09 02:57:25 +0000 2017
Press Praise Paul Ryan for Honesty Over TrumpCare Effects. https://t.co/C39jCXEoik — @MegatronusRex
Sun Jul 09 02:57:10 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/n4JW4tzv9E — @tweetsthecreeps
Sun Jul 09 02:56:45 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 GOP hails "open carry" law for shovels. "Thankfully, we live in a country where carrying a shovel fo… https://t.co/caTqhn451i — @martijaxn
Sun Jul 09 02:56:31 +0000 2017
LIFESTYLE: Improve Your Spouse With These 7 Simple "Wifehacks"
Sun Jul 09 02:40:59 +0000 2017
Strange, Viscous Substance Oozing From Every Pore, Paul Ryan Calls Press Conference, Beats Naked, Screaming Man to Death With Shovel
Sun Jul 09 01:25:19 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 [SPONSORED] https://t.co/CaAnweWJFc — @NorWesternCrow
Sat Jul 08 22:25:48 +0000 2017
Sect of the Crimson Beetle's Scuttling Lord Simon Cites Sinn Fein's "Regressive" Social Policies As Reason Talks Failed
Sat Jul 08 20:36:29 +0000 2017
Sect of the Crimson Beetle Pulls Out of Talks With Sinn Fein to Establish Government in Increasingly Anarchic United Kingdom
Sat Jul 08 20:34:31 +0000 2017
EDITORIAL: What Millennials Get Wrong About the Gibbering Totem & the Valley of Living Shadows
Sat Jul 08 16:32:20 +0000 2017
No smoking, littering, alcohol, rollerskating, skateboarding, scooters, BAYING UNHOLY PRAYERS AT THE BLOOD MOON, https://t.co/9f9IWxFlRp — @vandroidhelsing
Fri Jul 07 20:08:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Look, the poor guy just needed a social media detox! — @Ahab_Of_Gilead
Thu Jul 06 20:14:35 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Leaked Vatican internal memo: Have you tried turning Him off and then on again? — @icambron
Thu Jul 06 19:55:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Vatican Lays Out Plans to Ask Nephew of Ranking Cardinal to Take a Look at God the Next Time he Visi… https://t.co/P3zhH325rx — @FXSPeteMurray
Thu Jul 06 19:34:57 +0000 2017
Vatican Silent as God Remains Offline Weeks Longer Than Planned
Thu Jul 06 19:22:31 +0000 2017
Expeditionary Force Recruits Applied Theologians for Assault on Heaven https://t.co/EKe5cvyJNn — @tomscud
Thu Jul 06 18:35:18 +0000 2017
The Faceless Adjutant, The Crimson Eviscerator, & The Ghoul That Killed Your Father Want You To Know They Support #Pride2017
Thu Jul 06 17:58:39 +0000 2017
Antidepressants Anonymous Issues Statement in Support of Prescribing Limits, Harsher Penalties
Thu Jul 06 17:36:25 +0000 2017
Is It Time to Ban Antidepressants, Which Can Be As Addictive as Heroin? The Evidence Suggests It May Be
Thu Jul 06 17:31:13 +0000 2017
Leading Scientists Report Nearly Half of Antidepressant Prescriptions Issued Improperly, "Of No Therapeutic Benefit"
Thu Jul 06 17:29:15 +0000 2017
"It's Shocking:" Researchers Report Children As Young As 15 "Can Just Walk In & Get An Antidepressant Prescription," "There's No Oversight"
Thu Jul 06 17:24:37 +0000 2017
Antidepressant Addicts "Bankrolling White-Collar Crime," Say Experts
Thu Jul 06 17:18:57 +0000 2017
Analysts: More than Half of Americans "Cripplingly Addicted" to Pharmaceutical Antidepressants, As Tens of Thousands Die of Suicide
Thu Jul 06 17:16:54 +0000 2017
OPINION: We Need to Get Serious About the Antidepressant Crisis
Thu Jul 06 17:13:51 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Kids, Are Your Parents Shoplifting to Support Their Caffeine Addiction? Know the Warning Signs - Call Now For Help
Thu Jul 06 17:05:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/2ghJN93dKw — @benryan2012
Thu Jul 06 02:29:51 +0000 2017
Alleged Thief Arrested After 30 Years of Atheism — @HeadlineSmasher
Thu Jul 06 00:18:51 +0000 2017
i think the question we're all asking is: *why* was Hobby Lobby stockpiling cuneiform? cc @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/zk58MKBv6m — @invtym
Wed Jul 05 23:10:02 +0000 2017
Coffin with child's organs, but no body, found on Philadelphia sidewalk https://t.co/OA4P3s3m8f — @fox8news
Wed Jul 05 23:09:56 +0000 2017
Alt-Wight Leaders March on D.C. to Demand Liquidation of Matter-Based Life Forms
Wed Jul 05 23:02:28 +0000 2017
Leader of Donald Trump’s "voter fraud" investigation is now being investigated for election fraud https://t.co/8HDdWkCW2m — @PalmerReport
Wed Jul 05 21:03:36 +0000 2017
Citing "Increasing Likelihood" of "Ontological Cascade Sequence 7", US Armed Forces Step Up Recruitment of "The Attuned"
Wed Jul 05 19:12:12 +0000 2017
@GeorgeWHerbert @ApprovedNews6 I'll give my kids a 15MT warhead for their birthdays if I goddamned want to, and you hippies can't stop me — @joe_no_privacy
Wed Jul 05 01:51:30 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 That's a typo. The studies are nuclear. — @King_Of_Flesh
Wed Jul 05 01:51:20 +0000 2017
@GeorgeWHerbert @ApprovedNews6 Well, if it's a heirloom, that's different of course. — @DerekL1963
Wed Jul 05 01:51:05 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 ...sale but not possession of existing , or intra-family transfer? — @GeorgeWHerbert
Wed Jul 05 01:51:02 +0000 2017
Studies "Unclear" Regarding Impact of Nuclear Weapon Use, Ownership on Minors, Analysts Say
Wed Jul 05 00:26:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 *raze — @TallorDaniels
Wed Jul 05 00:25:21 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: The Government Has No Business Telling Me How to Raise My Child
Wed Jul 05 00:24:48 +0000 2017
OPINION: It's Time We Banned the Sale of Nuclear Weapons to Underage Children
Wed Jul 05 00:24:07 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | The First Installment of Our New Series, the Approved News 6 Question Corner https://t.co/v92HrdbXPr https://t.co/CwP77tjtJg — @ApprovedNews6
Tue Jul 04 20:26:55 +0000 2017
Bone Oracles Report Americans Can Expect "Relatively Mild" Fourth of July, as Explosion Spirits "Very Pleased" by Trump's War in Syria
Tue Jul 04 20:26:27 +0000 2017
FOURTH OF JULY: Americans Nationwide Begin Moving to Designated Public Shelters, Making Offerings to Appease Explosion Spirits
Tue Jul 04 19:36:52 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Oh me God, please tell me there's a vaccine! — @NorWesternCrow
Tue Jul 04 19:35:56 +0000 2017
New Study Shows Nearly 1 in 10 Americans at Risk for Apotheosis
Tue Jul 04 18:53:53 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | The First Installment of Our New Series, the Approved News 6 Question Corner https://t.co/v92HrdbXPr https://t.co/CwP77tjtJg
Mon Jul 03 07:22:02 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Dear Gideon, I too am afflicted with a bothersome relative. Can you recommend a local bog? Wheelchai… https://t.co/ax7fOHKUWl — @EugeneIpavec
Mon Jul 03 06:20:21 +0000 2017
Millennials Have "Disturbingly Nonconformist" Attitudes To It, Say Analysts
Sun Jul 02 23:27:38 +0000 2017
"Dangerous & Untrue:" Suggestion It Might Not Be So Bad After All Meets With Fierce Opposition From Community
Sun Jul 02 23:26:51 +0000 2017
New Research Shows It Might Not Be So Bad After All
Sun Jul 02 23:23:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 anyone saying It Isn't bad clearly is ignoring key information — @Divad_42
Sun Jul 02 23:21:00 +0000 2017
OPINION: Actually, It Is Good
Sun Jul 02 23:17:33 +0000 2017
New Poll Shows "Vast Majority" of Americans Believe It Is Bad
Sun Jul 02 23:16:30 +0000 2017
Americans for Traditional Torments Urges Senate to Reinstate Drawing & Quartering as Penalty for Simony, Oathbreaking
Sun Jul 02 22:47:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 but chlorine is so much cheaper to make at home! — @AndrewNCassidy
Sun Jul 02 22:42:37 +0000 2017
High on Homemade Mustard Gas, Florida Man Proclaims Self King of the Fairies
Sun Jul 02 22:39:28 +0000 2017
ugh, Sam Harris — @arguetron
Sun Jul 02 22:35:13 +0000 2017
Angela Merkel Vows to Release New Song — @HeadlineSmasher
Sun Jul 02 20:12:04 +0000 2017
Erotican Repubic Pulls Out of Sextradition Treaty With United States, Citing American Use of Death Poonalty
Sun Jul 02 18:48:02 +0000 2017
Do Not Attempt to Resist: Read This Week's Sunday Paper for Our Exciting New Advice Column
Sun Jul 02 09:15:44 +0000 2017
What to Do When A Mysterious, Handsome Man Leaves Your Estranged Father to Die in the Bog: Gideon Mandrake Answers Reader Questions
Sun Jul 02 09:12:57 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/s339HiBEkL — @GabrielBerlin
Sun Jul 02 08:25:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 China Creates Ministry Of Occult Artifacts; Will Dredge South China Sea Floor For Lost Relics. — @DarrylDaugherty
Sun Jul 02 08:25:07 +0000 2017
"We've Got Amulets," "The World's Most Powerful Amulets:" Trump Dismisses Concerns over Renewed Aggression by North Korea
Sun Jul 02 02:42:49 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/ZlSMrZSg8K — @NorWesternCrow
Sun Jul 02 02:39:08 +0000 2017
Currently passing over Eugene, can see giant, nearly-transparent, non-euclidean @ApprovedNews6 broadcast tower — @BlueSpaceCanary
Sat Jul 01 18:05:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 They were warned that round avis were a step upon the very edge of the abyss. There are some things… https://t.co/dGVqsEc66w — @EugeneIpavec
Fri Jun 30 23:04:06 +0000 2017
Senate Votes to Break Your Legs — @HeadlineSmasher
Fri Jun 30 20:24:05 +0000 2017
@cveidson @ApprovedNews6 It's almost enough to make you want to move to California. I hear Governor Kingsley Hellth… https://t.co/O8qZehKyqO — @chas_lovett
Fri Jun 30 19:10:31 +0000 2017
@wifi_failure @ApprovedNews6 the disease came from the users. the disease came for the users. we are all unclean. we are all damned. — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Jun 30 19:07:19 +0000 2017
Hmph. This kind of cowardly incompetence is why *I* will continue making ritual voting obeisances to former Secreta… https://t.co/fRWicoMbIh — @cveidson
Fri Jun 30 19:00:53 +0000 2017
UPDATE: "Millions" of Flies Issue Forth From Mouth of Jack Dorsey's Spasming Corpse
Fri Jun 30 18:42:20 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Acting Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Mervin Moongristle Hides Under Desk
Fri Jun 30 17:56:23 +0000 2017
Analysts: If Confirmed, Twitter Contamination "First Known Outbreak" Since Abolition of Dept. of Necromancy, Mutilation, & Bone Rituals
Fri Jun 30 17:55:58 +0000 2017
"MECUM OMNES PLANGITE:" Twitter CEO Dorsey Tears Out Own Eyes, Uses Blood From Sockets to Paint Swastika on CNN Anchor's Face
Fri Jun 30 17:41:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/KUIsPfydHF — @jleedev
Fri Jun 30 17:38:14 +0000 2017
Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey Appears on CNN to Dispute Rumors of Contamination, Spontaneously Manifests Stigmata
Fri Jun 30 17:36:56 +0000 2017
What Does the Contamination of Twitter Mean for the Faceless Adjutant & the Council of Whispers? We Ask the Experts
Fri Jun 30 17:35:09 +0000 2017
Stocks: $TWTR Plummets in Wake of Contamination Rumors
Fri Jun 30 17:33:17 +0000 2017
Grainy Photos of Twitter Data Center Reputedly Show "Masses of Diseased Flesh," Whispering Darkness Seeping From Servers
Fri Jun 30 17:32:16 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Inside Source Warns Twitter, Inc. May Be Contaminated
Fri Jun 30 17:30:09 +0000 2017
Hitler Had a Bad Idea — @HeadlineSmasher
Fri Jun 30 04:11:09 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The Surgeon General is clearly infected. — @EugeneIpavec
Fri Jun 30 03:09:51 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I'm pretty sure that ""Oh God, Oh God" is a preexisting condition. — @EugeneIpavec
Fri Jun 30 02:20:03 +0000 2017
GOP: Dept. of Ceaseless Torment Necessary to Perform "More Esoteric" Functions of Defunct Dept. of Necromancy, Mutilation, & Bone Rituals
Thu Jun 29 21:23:28 +0000 2017
Dems: "Department of Ceaseless Torment" "Needlessly Redundant" With Existing Department of Pain
Thu Jun 29 21:22:11 +0000 2017
GOP Healthcare Bill Would Create Federal-Level Department of Ceaseless Torment: Report
Thu Jun 29 21:21:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/N9srCNh4IP — @atonal440
Thu Jun 29 17:49:43 +0000 2017
Four Congressmen Found Dead; Cause of Death Determined to be "Oh No," "Oh God, Oh God," "No, No, No, No," "Please, Anything but That"
Thu Jun 29 17:29:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/zOHhXAJkrF — @NorWesternCrow
Thu Jun 29 08:28:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I knew something was wrong when he started in with "Well, actually..." — @Loganchance
Thu Jun 29 00:30:02 +0000 2017
Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY) Accidentally Filibusters Bill to Legalize Mansplaining
Thu Jun 29 00:28:43 +0000 2017
"Thousands Are Dying Every Year of Preventable Optimism:" Surgeon General Calls for Immediate Action on Hope Crisis
Wed Jun 28 21:26:55 +0000 2017
A kangaroo dressed in leopard-print has been found shot dead on an Australian roadside, tied to a chair https://t.co/zCOW6po6cu — @AFP
Wed Jun 28 01:52:59 +0000 2017
Millennials Have Resurrected Baal, the False God, Here's What It Means for your Morning Commute — @justabloodygame
Tue Jun 27 19:14:49 +0000 2017
Good community outreach @ApprovedNews6, congrats https://t.co/DRqIibaSKN — @maclebass
Tue Jun 27 17:14:31 +0000 2017
TODAY IN HISTORY: https://t.co/ljz2dOHU8G
Mon Jun 26 21:36:25 +0000 2017
TODAY IN HISTORY: https://t.co/ci0y59ZwrI
Mon Jun 26 21:28:13 +0000 2017
reminder that you too can help the author of @approvednews6 afford rent AND not starve to death! https://t.co/zbBXnbs9RY — @velartrill
Mon Jun 26 19:59:58 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 You orbs think just because you can mind control your opponents you can do aaanyth-HAIL THE ORB HAIL THE ORB HAIL TH — @MonsieurLongIII
Mon Jun 26 19:36:27 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: HAIL THE ORB
Mon Jun 26 19:03:24 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Chicago Orb is Destroying Our Families and Poisoning Our Children
Mon Jun 26 19:02:38 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 @NorWesternCrow ugh Ultimate Murder Spree LXIX was better (though why it came after Murder Spree 14… https://t.co/SX2sIOnrRh — @joe_no_privacy
Mon Jun 26 17:38:38 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 "How am I supposed to explain to my child why that man has a man-bun?" one parent exclaimed. — @martijaxn
Mon Jun 26 01:37:13 +0000 2017
Lord Bloodwrench Hellstrangle's Ultimate Murder Spree XIII Pulled from PBS Over Concerns Brief Homosexual Kiss "Unsuitable for Children"
Mon Jun 26 01:30:14 +0000 2017
Trump Vows to Repeat the Great Mistake
Mon Jun 26 01:29:23 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Quick Take: What do do when *your* child calls out "Mommy, I caught the flying crystal snake again!" — @GeorgeWHerbert
Sun Jun 25 23:26:21 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Better Teach the Codex Early Than Wait Until it's Too Late https://t.co/G8hbfE6VHX — @usr_local_share
Sun Jun 25 20:40:48 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: The Crystal Codex Underpins the Existence of All Children — @MonsieurLongIII
Sun Jun 25 20:40:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Children Are Suitable For The Crystal Codex Of The Wandering Serpent — @Chirurgic
Sun Jun 25 20:40:22 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Crystal Codex of the Wandering Serpent is Not Suitable for Children
Sun Jun 25 20:05:18 +0000 2017
Analysts: "Yikes, Man"
Sat Jun 24 18:15:29 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Fucking Hell, You Weren't Shitting Me
Sat Jun 24 18:13:33 +0000 2017
OPINION: You Have Got To Be Shitting Me
Sat Jun 24 18:11:28 +0000 2017
Speaking On Condition of Anonymity, Sources Report "No Fucking Way"
Sat Jun 24 18:11:02 +0000 2017
Inside Sources: "What"
Sat Jun 24 18:09:59 +0000 2017
UPDATE: "It Was Nothing," "Nothing At All," Reports Terrified Superviser as Sky Darkens; Blocks Near Area Evacuated https://t.co/TRzlq7tBrx
Sat Jun 24 17:53:28 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Simultaneous impeachment resolutions had been thrust vigorously into both the frontal and anal House… https://t.co/iRUBlcJEFM — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Jun 24 07:58:43 +0000 2017
I KNEW IT WOULD almost END THIS WAY! https://t.co/yUTR9niEiR — @medicmsh3141
Sat Jun 24 01:51:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Was he attempting to “crack open” the secrets of cold one fusion? Thank the nonexistent fairy queen… https://t.co/a6IULIMQ42 — @MonsieurLongIII
Sat Jun 24 01:28:51 +0000 2017
Florida face-eating teen says he just wants "to be a normal kid again" https://t.co/nQkTcd6XLe https://t.co/oldcpL4rCq — @NYDailyNews
Sat Jun 24 01:18:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 When asked for comment, local nihilist responds,"Why? There's no point." — @martijaxn
Sat Jun 24 01:13:56 +0000 2017
High on Crystal Methadone, Florida Man Attempts to Open Beer Bottle, Nearly Destroys Us All
Sat Jun 24 01:06:34 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I am disgusted by this jejune display of groundless optimism — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Jun 24 01:04:41 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Not Like It Really Matters Anymore
Sat Jun 24 00:58:09 +0000 2017
OPINION: We Had A Good Run, Everybody
Sat Jun 24 00:57:55 +0000 2017
"I Guess That's That, Then," Scientists Report
Sat Jun 24 00:56:44 +0000 2017
"Didn't See That One Coming," Say Sources
Sat Jun 24 00:52:30 +0000 2017
Experts: "Well, Shit"
Sat Jun 24 00:52:04 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | GUEST EDITORIAL: All Right, Calm Down, Both of You, by Patricia Pearson https://t.co/WeZt5zhpAj https://t.co/yMwOi0LRnp — @ApprovedNews6
Fri Jun 23 23:00:11 +0000 2017
Healthcare Bill: "Flesh Purity" Measure to Prohibit Mutants From Accessing Public Hospitals Finds Wide Bipartisan Support
Fri Jun 23 22:53:52 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | GUEST EDITORIAL: All Right, Calm Down, Both of You, by Patricia Pearson https://t.co/WeZt5zhpAj https://t.co/yMwOi0LRnp
Fri Jun 23 21:21:25 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I hope he thinks long and hard on his actions. The people need a rigid leader who is stiff on policy. — @NormalNico
Fri Jun 23 19:15:22 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | OPINION: We Meet At Last, by Clarice Bianchi https://t.co/afWccDsu7t — @ApprovedNews6
Fri Jun 23 18:58:37 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Their schlong nationanal nightmare is over. — @jjm6501
Fri Jun 23 18:58:14 +0000 2017
In Wake of Scandal, President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Suck-cums to Punlitical Pleasure, Steps Down
Fri Jun 23 17:51:21 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Investigaytion Reveals President-Erect Falsely Claimed to Hold Cocktorate in Poclitical Science From Prestigious Pooniversity
Fri Jun 23 17:49:36 +0000 2017
President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Calls for "Happy Ending" to Cockupation of Virgin Islands
Fri Jun 23 17:46:52 +0000 2017
Sen. XL333012 Slammed by Colleagues for "Unconstitutional" Meeting With "Illegitimate, Unrecognized" Foreign Power
Fri Jun 23 07:24:09 +0000 2017
Sen. XL333012 (R-FL) Activates Intercontinental Flight Mode to Hold Talks With Florence's New Robotic Masters
Fri Jun 23 07:23:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Quick take: Reporter was Lucky. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Fri Jun 23 07:21:59 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Semiautonomous Control Platform 9912 Activates Reporter's Shock Collar
Fri Jun 23 07:20:34 +0000 2017
Vatican Affirms Intervention by St. Terrorbot of Cluster 76 to Grant Victory in Florentine Robot Uprising
Fri Jun 23 07:17:50 +0000 2017
Analysts: Carefully-Orchestrated Attack by Unarmed Gunman Demonstrates Illuminati in Possession of "Sophisticated" Ontological Weapons
Fri Jun 23 06:59:18 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment on Attack by Unarmed Gunman, Trump Bites Head Off Ken Doll
Fri Jun 23 06:55:38 +0000 2017
Illuminati Secretary-General Ulikh Yoor: Unarmed Gunman's Attack "A Warning" to Trump Administration
Fri Jun 23 06:51:24 +0000 2017
Illuminati Claims Credit for Unarmed Gunman's White House Carnage Through Messages Encoded in Bird Migration Patterns
Fri Jun 23 06:50:50 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Unarmed Gunman's Dog Determined to be Live North American Grizzly After Reassembly, Mauls White House Security
Fri Jun 23 06:49:33 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Unarmed Gunman Escapes Secret Servcie Custody; Dozens Found Dead
Fri Jun 23 06:47:50 +0000 2017
Unarmed Gunman's Dog to Be Reassembled, Shipped to Quantico for Further Analysis, Say Sources
Fri Jun 23 06:46:36 +0000 2017
"A Close Call:" Secret Service Reports "No Trace" of Explosives Found After Gunman's Dog "Carefully Disassembled"
Fri Jun 23 06:44:51 +0000 2017
"We Were Terrified For Our Safety:" Unarmed Gunman Arrested After Walking Dog Past White House
Fri Jun 23 06:42:03 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Find In-Depth, Approved Reporting on Our Website — Ceritified Uncontaminated Since 20██ https://t.co/R7DYxlmd90
Fri Jun 23 06:35:25 +0000 2017
can't even sneak an army across the border anymore without getting a full-cavity search. the nation's gone complete… https://t.co/vSnh9DKfzu — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Jun 23 06:31:52 +0000 2017
very sick of these Albanian bone merchants and their tyranny https://t.co/wrWBJBWGug — @Horse_Crimes
Fri Jun 23 06:31:45 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Horde of Bone Warriors Protest At AK Courthouse, Demand Justice, Immolation of Corporeal Citizenry… https://t.co/GwZPL9maiO — @icambron
Fri Jun 23 06:31:27 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | OPINION: We Meet At Last, by Clarice Bianchi https://t.co/afWccDsu7t
Fri Jun 23 06:19:40 +0000 2017
Report: Albanian Bonelord Donjeta the Despoiler Reportedly Entered US Seeking to Purchase Legal Marijuana, Lay Waste to Anchorage
Fri Jun 23 05:35:41 +0000 2017
Lawyers for Albanian Bone-Horde Condemn Immigration Authorities to Linger On in Tears & Madness Through Ancient Bone-Curse
Fri Jun 23 05:32:32 +0000 2017
Albanian Bonelord Donjeta the Despoiler Arrested After Attempting to Enter Alaska With Copy of Codex Salamandrium, Armed Horde of Warriors
Fri Jun 23 05:28:20 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I can always trust them for their sharp, brutal, to-the-point opinions. — @Timecrash
Thu Jun 22 19:19:43 +0000 2017
Ruins of Cleveland Hermetically Sealed After Rumored Outbreak of Contamination
Thu Jun 22 17:31:01 +0000 2017
Sister Vindicta of Blood-Soaked Maidens of the Cold Sword, Pressed for Comment, Reports "Widespread Use" of Terror… https://t.co/J4kV57ZVdK
Thu Jun 22 17:29:15 +0000 2017
Trump, Hovering Upside Down on CNN, Denies Existence of Nebraska Terror Serum
Thu Jun 22 17:26:18 +0000 2017
TODAY IN HISTORY, 19██: Schism Between True Illuminati, Illuminati Veritatis Resolved Through Movie Night, Game of Parcheesi
Wed Jun 21 19:42:23 +0000 2017
High on Counterfeit Viagra, Florida Man Discovers Hypersex
Wed Jun 21 07:36:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 EVERYDAY HEROS: https://t.co/fbeRBPfZc1 — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Jun 21 07:29:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 They can't let Obama have one shred of legacy. — @gilmourtaylor
Wed Jun 21 00:19:12 +0000 2017
Senate Votes to Outlaw Hope
Wed Jun 21 00:16:25 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 My least favorite cabinet member. Lacks personality. I miss former Attorney General Framed 1896 Lith… https://t.co/wwY7bxa7Ea — @EugeneIpavec
Tue Jun 20 23:22:46 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents Warn Teens as Young as Seven "Getting High on Advil"
Tue Jun 20 20:40:35 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Fairy Queen, Who Does Not Exist, Expresses "Full Support" of Wise Witch, Places Dancing Hex on Seven Reporters
Tue Jun 20 01:32:01 +0000 2017
"The Whispering Woods Are A Land Most Fae & Eerie:" FBI "Not Optimistic" About Recapturing Wise Witch
Tue Jun 20 01:30:33 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Unknown Orb on White House Lawn REDACTED All Reporters Present
Tue Jun 20 01:29:09 +0000 2017
Enormous Sentient Swastika, Trump's Attorney General, Vows Wise Witch of the Whispering Woods Will Be "Duly Apprended," "Punished"
Tue Jun 20 01:28:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 International Leaders Call For Treaty Banning the Use of Kindness — @icambron
Tue Jun 20 01:24:26 +0000 2017
Trump Spotted Sitting Cross-Legged on White House Lawn, Yelling at Orb
Tue Jun 20 01:20:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Killing with kindness is the worst way to go. I'm against it. — @_HaikusGoddess
Tue Jun 20 01:17:58 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Wise Witch of the Whispering Woods Escapes Custody During Consternation, Uproar Following Seven Secret Truths She Revealed
Tue Jun 20 01:16:52 +0000 2017
"How Many Have You Killed?" Arraigned on Charges of Tricky Witchcraft, Wise Witch of Whispering Woods Issues Series of Dread Proclamations
Tue Jun 20 01:15:45 +0000 2017
Sources: Airstrikes to Begin "Imminently" https://t.co/gxY3rYTVRQ
Tue Jun 20 00:12:08 +0000 2017
VIDEO: Large rat drags bag of trash across sidewalk in Brooklyn https://t.co/2dNC49MHfB https://t.co/wb1lU4Aa0n — @ABC7
Mon Jun 19 22:55:24 +0000 2017
Heresiarch Salamandra of the Hidden Valley Announces New Funding for Sinfrastructure Improvement
Mon Jun 19 21:37:39 +0000 2017
@TopherGrey @ApprovedNews6 Oh, it'll warm your heart all right. About 200 DEGREES warmer. — @Loganchance
Mon Jun 19 21:36:50 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Approved News 6 Needs Your Biomass (AMERICAN ONLY), Dried Yak Teeth, & Money! https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Mon Jun 19 21:36:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 They've been on the verge of a breakthrough for decades now. I'll believe it when I see it. If you ask me, it's all a racket. — @tomscud
Mon Jun 19 21:35:37 +0000 2017
great, now every time i do something nice i'm going to be accused of a war crime https://t.co/8Xyuay4UQH — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Jun 19 21:35:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Imagine how many children could be spared a future in the same prisons if nutritious human flesh was… https://t.co/J5Vzsjxipq — @tweetsthecreeps
Mon Jun 19 21:35:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Is this that Project Bear Hug we've been hearing about? Sounds heartwarming and terrifying. — @TopherGrey
Mon Jun 19 21:34:36 +0000 2017
Report: DARPA Has Successfully Weaponized Kindness
Mon Jun 19 20:41:37 +0000 2017
DOJ Quietly Drops 2016 Restrictions on When Private Prisons May Cook, Eat Prisoners
Mon Jun 19 20:36:30 +0000 2017
Advances in Crime Science Could Soon Make Crime "Much More Accessible," Say Crime Scientists
Mon Jun 19 20:30:34 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 2.0? What is this, the Xbox? Is a little consistency in numbering too much to ask? We're at least five versions in... — @Chirurgic
Mon Jun 19 19:20:57 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Omnipotence was just a little overpowered to be honest, I'm glad they're nerfing it. Should stabilize the religious meta. — @Alititianized
Mon Jun 19 19:20:49 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Pope Francis Rears Up on Hind Legs, Roars Mightily as Her Cubs Attack Reporters
Mon Jun 19 19:19:45 +0000 2017
Cardinals: "God 2.0" To Fix Many Longstanding Bugs in Omnipotence, "Greatly Improve" Moral Consistency
Mon Jun 19 19:18:33 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Ugh, again? — @desertfox899
Mon Jun 19 19:16:53 +0000 2017
Vatican: God to Be "Briefly" Taken Offline for Upgrades Tuesday Morning
Mon Jun 19 19:04:36 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, North Carolina Sludge Flats Envelop, Liquefy Reporter
Mon Jun 19 05:27:58 +0000 2017
Republicans Consider Bill to Extend Voting Rights to Industrial Runoff
Mon Jun 19 05:26:56 +0000 2017
It's the Illuminati's Fault We Didn't Learn From Brexit — @thinkpiecebot
Mon Jun 19 05:21:57 +0000 2017
@cg_marcato @ApprovedNews6 To be fair, he owns more bridges than is healthy, so I can understand the parallels. But… https://t.co/rFiSJA0zgo — @PithyOrNot
Sun Jun 18 20:53:44 +0000 2017
I hate when he does stuff like this. Head grows back = people think regen proves he's a troll, & my species has eno… https://t.co/zHZ4VlwFOH — @cg_marcato
Sun Jun 18 20:45:07 +0000 2017
Senate Vows to Fund Terror Plot — @HeadlineSmasher
Sun Jun 18 20:10:41 +0000 2017
High on Rocket Fuel, Florida Man Reaches Escape Velocity
Sun Jun 18 00:32:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 HOWLING ORDER SPOX: OOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOO — @icambron
Sat Jun 17 17:19:28 +0000 2017
High on Homemade Antidepressants, Florida Man Ransacks Temple of the Emerald Convocation, Kidnaps Prelate of the Howling Order
Sat Jun 17 09:46:06 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I don't see what all the fuss is about. The Mandrake Dossier is just a trade paperback of the Codex… https://t.co/7gSVPTvAM9 — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Jun 17 03:39:06 +0000 2017
"That's Ridiculous," "Everybody Knows I Have No Blood:" Trump, Pressed for Comment, Cuts Off Own Hand to Reveal Dark, Empty Cavity
Sat Jun 17 02:13:55 +0000 2017
Trump Implicated in Blood-Smuggling Scandal
Sat Jun 17 02:11:57 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 And I know it's not "politically correct", but White culture and country music which is obsessed w d… https://t.co/PW8IgTX1Kw — @cveidson
Fri Jun 16 16:43:51 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Congress's violent culture must be addressed. Reps punch reporters & post videos of themselves firin… https://t.co/9g89mMcnTM — @cveidson
Fri Jun 16 16:43:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I'd hardly call them "volunteers" like they're doing it out of the goodness of their heart!? They get a FREE HAT. — @secretGeek
Fri Jun 16 05:27:43 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I'm a volunteer myself and I'm not looking forward to this. I'm told it's a terrible strain of virus… https://t.co/7mnGCxhgp0 — @Ozfelian
Fri Jun 16 02:18:31 +0000 2017
Environmental Activists Warn America's Once-REDACTED Circles of Standing Stones "Slowly Withering Away" Since Trump Resurrection
Fri Jun 16 02:16:50 +0000 2017
Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities Organizes Volunteer Flamethrower Brigade to Contain Hallelujah Virus Outbreak in Malta
Fri Jun 16 02:12:44 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 But it's the Archfungus that makes it zesty! I can't go back to plain! — @EugeneIpavec
Fri Jun 16 01:58:35 +0000 2017
President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Lays Blame on "Anarchocummunists" for Repeeted Vandalism of Pubic Property
Fri Jun 16 01:20:13 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Approved News 6's Reporting Is Viewer-Funded & Certified Uncontaminated! Make Your Monthly Pledge Now https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Thu Jun 15 22:40:47 +0000 2017
@marymcconnell77 @ApprovedNews6 Stealing bases, swinging bats around, spitting. It's no wonder that poor man felt threatened. — @alexandraerin
Thu Jun 15 22:08:39 +0000 2017
"We Hope His Soul Finds Peace:" Others Injured at GOP Event Hold Candlelight Vigil for Alleged Shooter Slain by Police
Thu Jun 15 20:54:56 +0000 2017
Rep. Scalise Should "Immediately Apologize" For Being Shot, Say Public Relations Consultants: "Being in a Coma is No Excuse"
Thu Jun 15 20:53:20 +0000 2017
"He Shouldn't Have Dressed That Way:" Public Safety Experts Note Many Vulnerable Individuals Perceive Suits as Threat
Thu Jun 15 20:51:01 +0000 2017
Cell Phone Video Shows Scalise "Gesticulating Aggressively" in Moments Before Alleged Shooting
Thu Jun 15 20:48:26 +0000 2017
"Imagine What He Must Have Suffered To Drive Him To Such Violence:" Rep. Scalise's Pastor: Alleged Shooter "In A Way, The True Victim"
Thu Jun 15 20:44:53 +0000 2017
Religious Leaders Urge Family of Rep. Scalise to Find "Forgiveness & Understanding" For Alleged Shooter
Thu Jun 15 20:22:18 +0000 2017
Police Face Criticism for Acting as "Judge, Jury, & Executioner" in GOP Baseball Shooting
Thu Jun 15 20:20:54 +0000 2017
Inside Source: House of Representatives Will Hold Seminar to Teach Republicans How to Avoid Violence, De-Escalate Confrontations
Thu Jun 15 20:19:59 +0000 2017
Noting Shootings Require "Extensive Cleanup," Janitors Urge Americans to Consider Use of Strangulation, Poisoning in Place of Firearms
Thu Jun 15 20:11:59 +0000 2017
"This Was Unconscionable:" Sanitation Unions Condemn Shooting of Rep. Scalise, Calling for "More Hygienic" Murder Attempts
Thu Jun 15 20:09:37 +0000 2017
Experts: Far-Right Politics, Attacks on Rights of Working Americans Often Leave Ordinary Citizens "Understandably Afraid For Their Safety"
Thu Jun 15 20:07:35 +0000 2017
Republicans Must Learn to Present Selves in "Non-Threatening Manner" to Avoid Further Shootings, Say Experts
Thu Jun 15 20:05:45 +0000 2017
Alleged Shooter Slain by Police at GOP Event Described by Mourning Friends, Relatives as "Hard-Working," "Honest"
Thu Jun 15 20:01:36 +0000 2017
Analysts: Representative Shot at Baseball Practice Had "Long Record" of Extremist Views, Questionable Associations
Thu Jun 15 19:59:38 +0000 2017
Rep. Steve Scalise, Wounded in Shooting, Was "No Angel," Say Sources
Thu Jun 15 19:56:16 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 they've really pulled ahead of Soylent in customer safety. I'll be buying a case of nutrient slurry with my next food ration! — @joe_no_privacy
Thu Jun 15 03:41:58 +0000 2017
Citing Potential Archfungus Contamination, Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York Recalls Batch of Nutrient Slurry
Wed Jun 14 20:43:55 +0000 2017
In Defiance of Presidential Edict, Itinerant Caravan of Booksellers & Mystics Continues to Sell Copies of Codex Salamandrium
Wed Jun 14 20:26:56 +0000 2017
Albanian Bonelord Donjeta the Despoiler Suspends Siege of Istanbul to "Raise Awareness" for "Operation Euripides"
Wed Jun 14 20:23:50 +0000 2017
BREAKING: North Dakota Mud Kingpin Daisy O'Donohue Found Innocent of Trafficking Charges by Jury
Wed Jun 14 20:20:28 +0000 2017
Just remembered the funniest paragraph in British political history. https://t.co/8wyF0ZY2DH — @jonbir90
Wed Jun 14 18:28:03 +0000 2017
@alarmallama @EugeneIpavec @ApprovedNews6 PEER REVIEW: Actually — @martijaxn
Wed Jun 14 10:55:51 +0000 2017
@EugeneIpavec @ApprovedNews6 POLICY EXPERTS: Unfortunately — @alarmallama
Wed Jun 14 10:53:23 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 ANALYSIS: But! — @EugeneIpavec
Wed Jun 14 10:53:20 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Moongristle's exaltation of the Orb was barely a modest thanks. in my day we hailed the Orb with for… https://t.co/9mwY9DvxEF — @joe_no_privacy
Wed Jun 14 07:07:38 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Yes
Wed Jun 14 06:37:32 +0000 2017
OPINION: No
Wed Jun 14 06:37:11 +0000 2017
Displaying Profound Lack of Journalistic Integrity, Comandante Juanita Gutiérrez of CNN Mocks AN6 For "Poor Operational Security"
Wed Jun 14 06:27:22 +0000 2017
UPDATE: AN6 Special Correspondents Captured After CNN Alerted to Operation by Social Media Intern
Wed Jun 14 06:24:46 +0000 2017
Daring AN6 Special Correspondents Lead Raid to Recover the Mandrake Dossier from CNN
Wed Jun 14 06:23:33 +0000 2017
Acting Secretary of Blood, Sex, Death Mervin Moongristle Criticized for "Lackluster Response" to Chicago Orb's Irradiation of Schoolchildren
Wed Jun 14 06:22:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 finally my PhD in the history of imperial Chinese criminal law is going to come in handy! — @tanglefox
Wed Jun 14 01:54:02 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/FFHOo0P8hS — @xlerb
Wed Jun 14 01:11:45 +0000 2017
'Swirling tornado' of 20,000 honeybees on the loose in Halifax, but don't panic https://t.co/w5Oq8y5qSs https://t.co/HtU4yx02PO — @CBCNews
Tue Jun 13 23:39:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The Lingchi Bill drastically underestimates how much money was saved by replacing Death of 1000 cuts… https://t.co/bwR8DHpChJ — @tweetsthecreeps
Tue Jun 13 22:37:24 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Keel. Hauling. I am done with this biased account and their refusal to acknowledge myself and my fish-monster allies. — @ZatchDeutsch
Tue Jun 13 20:57:17 +0000 2017
"Slow Slicing Has Been Off the Books for Far Too Long:" Americans for Traditional Torments Praises Trump for Support of House Lingchi Bill
Tue Jun 13 20:52:15 +0000 2017
If there is non-prescription blood in your body, please surrender it to the appropriate individuals to be properly disposed of. — @ApprovedNews7
Mon Jun 12 04:40:45 +0000 2017
Blood is now a Schedule II substance under the Controlled Substances Act. — @ApprovedNews7
Mon Jun 12 04:40:33 +0000 2017
Higgs Boson-Sniffing Dogs Newest Tool in Forensic Cosmologists' Arsenal: Report
Mon Jun 12 01:34:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Aphorism misquoted; original text Jefferson referenced read "The Tree Of Liberty Must At All Times B… https://t.co/DomJrImmGL — @nothings
Sun Jun 11 22:19:03 +0000 2017
Starting in December, the Dead Will No Longer Be Eligible for American Citizenship
Sun Jun 11 22:18:26 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 WereLobby Expected To Press For Right-To-Mutilate Act — @DarrylDaugherty
Sun Jun 11 08:57:56 +0000 2017
Senate Passes Bill Allowing Vampires to Enter Homes Without a Warrant
Sun Jun 11 06:36:24 +0000 2017
BUSINESS: Australian Spider Tycoon Hulk Warbutt Answers Reporters' Questions While Fist-Fighting Cassowary
Sun Jun 11 01:40:30 +0000 2017
@substitute @ApprovedNews6 Bone apostasy. Totally different. — @HgChuck
Sat Jun 10 00:21:24 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Wait, wasn’t Glorthrak no-platformed for bone heresy last year? — @substitute
Fri Jun 09 23:26:46 +0000 2017
Glorthrak the Undying, Cursed Spectre of the Nameless Realm, to Speak at Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities D.C. Event
Fri Jun 09 23:24:23 +0000 2017
SOCIETY: She Who Throttles the Dawn Redoubles Efforts to Reclaim the Cask of Baleful Splendor
Fri Jun 09 23:18:26 +0000 2017
New Study Warns Hawkblood Charms "Empty of the Might They Once Possessed," Urges Americans to "Seek Elsewhere" For Protection
Fri Jun 09 23:15:19 +0000 2017
Police: Man said fake drugs at Kansas were 'God's Work' — @TwoHeadlines
Fri Jun 09 08:08:44 +0000 2017
SOCIETY: She Who Throttles the Dawn & She Who Must Be Avoided Arrive in London to Welcome He of the Thousand Luminous Forms
Fri Jun 09 06:03:53 +0000 2017
Citing Fear of Attracting the Attention of Those Whose Unattention Is Better Left Unttracted, Elizabeth Windsor Relinquishes Claim to Crown
Fri Jun 09 06:02:35 +0000 2017
"She Played A Mean Hand of Bridge:" Deposed Queen Elizabeth II Laments Disappearance of Queen Desdemona Rothschild I
Fri Jun 09 05:58:09 +0000 2017
Report: Sinn Fein Will Seek to Form Government With Scottish National Party, Sect of Crimson Beetle; Abolish Monarchy in United Kingdom
Fri Jun 09 05:56:30 +0000 2017
He of the Thousand Luminous Forms: "Traffic Was A Real Bugger Around the Serpentine Metaconvergence; Let A Bloke Have His Beauty Sleep"
Fri Jun 09 05:54:25 +0000 2017
"Look, I'm a Bit Knackered Right Now," "Been Traveling For What, 77 Eons?" He of the Thousand Luminous Forms Brushes Off Interview Requests
Fri Jun 09 05:52:39 +0000 2017
BREAKING: He of the Thousand Luminous Forms Completes Manifestation at 10 Downing Street, Announces Book Tour
Fri Jun 09 05:49:53 +0000 2017
"This Sort of Thing is Quite Common:" Experts Point to Lithuania, New Hampshire as Examples of Daemon-Induced Ontological Instability
Fri Jun 09 05:27:29 +0000 2017
Experts Blame "Seemingly Nonsensical" Victory of Sinn Fein on "Ontological Disturbances" Related to Presence of Minor Daemon
Fri Jun 09 05:25:03 +0000 2017
"We're Just As Surprised As You Are," Report Sinn Fein Party Leader Gerry Adams; "I've Got No Clue How This Happened"
Fri Jun 09 05:23:49 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Victor in Duel Between Queen Rothschild, Theresa May Revealed to Irish Independence Party Sinn Fein
Fri Jun 09 05:22:53 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Intrepid News Agents Enter Deserted London, Find No Trace of Theresa May, Queen Desdemona Rothschild I, or MInor Daemon
Fri Jun 09 05:21:13 +0000 2017
O'Hare International Airport Unveils Plan to Expand Use of Drug-Sniffing Gods in Customs
Fri Jun 09 04:00:50 +0000 2017
Analysts: Drop in Radiation Indicates Queen Desdemona's Minor Daemon May Have Fallen or Been Exorcised
Fri Jun 09 03:52:21 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Illuminati, Major Governments Reporting Levels of Ionizing Radiation in London "Steadily Dropping"
Fri Jun 09 03:51:24 +0000 2017
National Association of Super-Powered Americans Condemns "Police Brutality" Against "The Differently-Empowered" https://t.co/uTqIN0nA8q
Fri Jun 09 00:12:55 +0000 2017
Early Reports Suggest Theresa May's Skeleton Army "Falling as One" Before Minor Daemon Invoked by Queen Desdemona Rothschild I
Fri Jun 09 00:10:45 +0000 2017
Skeleton armies leaning conservative in the UK is one of those weird things like how French Socialists are moderate… https://t.co/e7l82TBlRx — @listelian
Thu Jun 08 22:54:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 That shroud of darkness is such a politically charged cop-out, so sad in this day and age — @Ozfelian
Thu Jun 08 22:54:22 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, BBC Elections Ghoul Khaz-Malgur Shrieks Names of Hundreds Soon to Perish, Retreats Beneath Shroud of Darkness
Thu Jun 08 22:07:31 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Augury Indicates He of the Thousand Luminous Forms May Soon Manifest
Thu Jun 08 22:02:49 +0000 2017
@jneen_ @ApprovedNews6 *minor* demons aren't going to #MAGA Beelzebub or gtfo — @connor_medcalf
Thu Jun 08 21:38:23 +0000 2017
Royal Air Force Reportedly Preparing to Detonate Ontological Weapon Over London in Event Queen Rothschild Loses Control of Minor Daemon
Thu Jun 08 21:21:18 +0000 2017
Experts: Global Ontological Fluctuations Indicate "Fearsome Battle" Between Minor Daemon, Theresa May
Thu Jun 08 21:20:07 +0000 2017
As Satellite Imaging of London Fails, Multiple Subtle Alterations to Fundamental Ontology of Being Detected at Large Axiom Collider
Thu Jun 08 21:19:21 +0000 2017
Satellites Detect Sudden Surge of Ionizing Radiation From Trafalgar Square; Multiple Weather Systems Alter Course
Thu Jun 08 21:15:16 +0000 2017
"Where Did You Find That Thing," "Hell Is Empty, I Saw it With My Own Eyes:" Theresa May Howls In Terror as Rothschild's Daemon Manifests
Thu Jun 08 21:14:01 +0000 2017
Seven Tornadoes Touch Down at Trafalgar Square as Minor Daemon Answers Queen Rothschild's Blood Ritual
Thu Jun 08 21:12:13 +0000 2017
Unfazed, Queen Rothschild Begins Blood Ritual, As Bats Form Most Terrible Sigil in Sky Above London
Thu Jun 08 21:04:25 +0000 2017
DUEL FOR BRITAIN: Buckingham Palace Crumbles As Theresa May Utters Seventh Syllable of Damnation
Thu Jun 08 21:01:09 +0000 2017
In Effort to Raise Funds for "Operation Euripides", Illuminati Retasks Spy Satellite to Livestream May-Rothschild Duel From Orbit
Thu Jun 08 20:59:10 +0000 2017
Millions Flee London as Queen Rothschild I, Brandishing Scepter of the Sundered Seas, Accepts May's Challenge to Duel
Thu Jun 08 20:54:37 +0000 2017
BREAKING: At Head of Skeleton Army, Brexiteer Bone Sorceress Theresa May Challenges Queen Desdemona Rothschild I to Duel for Fate of Nation
Thu Jun 08 20:50:17 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Control the Moon With This One Weird Trick
Wed Jun 07 21:33:37 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Oh hell. I've heard enough archived radio programming to know how this turns out. — @TopherGrey
Wed Jun 07 21:28:23 +0000 2017
High on Homemade Nebraska Terror Serum, Florida Man Declares War on Mars
Wed Jun 07 21:23:56 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Trump Vetoes Bill to Abolish Crime
Wed Jun 07 21:23:46 +0000 2017
New KKK App Seeks to "Put the 'Fun' in 'Funding Terrorism:" Report
Wed Jun 07 21:21:59 +0000 2017
Disney Wants to Sink US Nuclear Submarine — @HeadlineSmasher
Wed Jun 07 20:15:08 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Trump Hires Magic Snake as Advisor
Wed Jun 07 17:23:54 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 it's about time these Washington elites got a taste of their constituents' daily struggles — @Chirurgic
Wed Jun 07 17:23:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 good to see the Deep State finally resisting the Trump Administration — @AndrewNCassidy
Wed Jun 07 17:23:19 +0000 2017
Capitol Police Detain Magic Snake, Free Conway
Wed Jun 07 17:23:10 +0000 2017
"I Am Trapped in My Office With a Magic Snake," "It Is Performing Augury & Demanding My Firstborn:" Kellyanne Conway Sends Panicked Tweets
Wed Jun 07 17:20:21 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Faceless Horde is Good for Bitcoin
Wed Jun 07 17:02:28 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Don't mess with Lady Liberty. — @ladyjax
Wed Jun 07 05:38:41 +0000 2017
"Think Of The Children:" Detractors Point to Studies Showing Urbanifil "Lowers Property Values," May Lead to Hysteria, Fainting
Wed Jun 07 05:11:34 +0000 2017
FDA Approves First Anti-Gentrification Drug
Wed Jun 07 05:10:08 +0000 2017
Paramedics Report Sen. Hatch "Successfully Revived" With Infusions of Nebraska Terror Serum, Freshly-Harvested Millennial Blood
Wed Jun 07 05:05:16 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT) Keels Over After Months-Long Staring Contest With Statue of Liberty
Wed Jun 07 05:02:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 ban algorithms — @worr
Wed Jun 07 02:41:28 +0000 2017
"Twitter is Using Algorithms to Control My Menstrual Cycle:" Education Secretary Betsy DeVos Makes Shocking Allegations at Press Conference
Wed Jun 07 02:00:22 +0000 2017
@Chirurgic @ApprovedNews6 I don't know who we should be more worried about—Florida Man, or the rest of us. — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Jun 07 01:55:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 oh shit Walmart Fumes are DANK — @Chirurgic
Wed Jun 07 01:47:03 +0000 2017
@ladyjax @ApprovedNews6 Stop hating. Every American has the right to speak arcane words in the invisible glow of wh… https://t.co/ZP6c1kGdGA — @NorWesternCrow
Wed Jun 07 01:44:05 +0000 2017
UPDATE: High on Cursed Fairy Gold, Florida Man Burns Down Wal-Mart
Wed Jun 07 01:40:52 +0000 2017
High on Military-Grade Pesticides, Florida Man Leads Heist on Whispering Woods, Escapes With Millions in Cursed Fairy Gold
Wed Jun 07 01:40:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 NO RELIGIOUS TESTS FOR OFFICE! Just because Sen. bel-Malphegor's faith uses plutonium rather than th… https://t.co/Ke02pnXdBM — @Chirurgic
Tue Jun 06 23:29:59 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 She was chanting over radioactive material without any real respect for the rules of law. Tradition… https://t.co/Uvy8cDr5OS — @ladyjax
Tue Jun 06 22:05:27 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Sen. bel-Malphegor Escorted from Building by Senate Minotaur
Tue Jun 06 22:04:12 +0000 2017
"A Clear Violation of Parliamentary Procedure:" Majority Leader McConnell Condemns Sen. bel-Malphegor's "Disrespect" for Senate Tradition
Tue Jun 06 21:58:40 +0000 2017
Sen. Disastra bel-Malphegor (🐍-MA) Begins Softly Chanting Over Small Plutonium Figurine, Provoking Consternation Among Colleagues
Tue Jun 06 21:56:48 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Bone Sorceress Supreme Theresa May Leads Undead Horde in Attempt to Wrest Control of Britain from Queen Desdemona Rothschild I
Tue Jun 06 21:27:42 +0000 2017
Millennials Are Killing The Restaurant Industry, Replacing Traditional Meals With Annual Hunts, And Presenting Their Tithes To The Wolf King — @SomeChrisTweets
Tue Jun 06 14:39:31 +0000 2017
7 Reasons the Illuminati is Bugging Your Refrigerator - Can You Guess What #1 Is?
Mon Jun 05 21:05:21 +0000 2017
@TopherGrey @ApprovedNews6 Pshaw… The studio version sounds like it was recorded in a pet store. — @DarrylDaugherty
Mon Jun 05 07:00:43 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: https://t.co/sqEEVTAHvv — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Jun 05 06:59:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The B-side is a cover of John Cages' 4'33 performed by the prey of a boa constrictor. — @DarrylDaugherty
Mon Jun 05 06:48:10 +0000 2017
Failcore Band "Snake Factory" Releases New Protest Song In Response to Trump's Attack on Squirrel
Mon Jun 05 05:18:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 @Tao23 "Move Arboreal Gophers Away" — @Patrixmyth
Mon Jun 05 05:14:02 +0000 2017
Trump Found in Tree Hollering at Squirrel
Mon Jun 05 02:13:02 +0000 2017
Google Announces Plans to Deprecate Your Mom in Early 2018
Sun Jun 04 20:48:53 +0000 2017
Outdated Versions of Adobe Flesh Player May Soon Develop Capacity for Hate, Company Spokesman Warns
Sun Jun 04 05:30:12 +0000 2017
@NorWesternCrow @ApprovedNews6 Do not worry, the Orb is working as intended. You will know when the time comes for your Awakening. — @Xaosopher
Sat Jun 03 22:32:16 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Dear [REDACTED]: The orb glowed green when I spoke my deepest desires, & now i taste pain. Did I anger it? Thanks, [EXPUNGED] — @NorWesternCrow
Sat Jun 03 22:17:47 +0000 2017
Author of Beloved Children's Book "Bilious Richard & the Cask of Eternal Nightmare" to Hold D.C. "Screech-In" Against Femur Tariffs
Sat Jun 03 17:22:04 +0000 2017
"The Scouring of the Veil, The Ashen Chalice, & Extinguishing the Flame Eternal:" Supporters Hail New Obama Book as "The End of Everything"
Sat Jun 03 07:11:41 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 If you're saying I can kill my children with sinful thoughts.... Does that still count toward my sac… https://t.co/zOXU9L4N3B — @AxelBordelon
Sat Jun 03 00:44:09 +0000 2017
Are Sinful Thoughts Killing Your Children? Find Out Tomorrow Night at 8/7c, Only on Approved News 6
Sat Jun 03 00:36:25 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Good ol' Terrorbot of Cluster 76 really deserves this. No one terrorises filthy heretics like it does! — @ThrownIntoSol
Fri Jun 02 09:22:47 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Terrorbot reached down from the heavens and touched me right in the amygdala — @BlueSpaceCanary
Fri Jun 02 09:22:44 +0000 2017
Detroit Has Ruined Masturbation — @bottest_takes
Fri Jun 02 09:22:26 +0000 2017
.@ApprovedNews6 ? https://t.co/1sp3J4iJH5 — @sophienotemily
Fri Jun 02 05:58:27 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The last time they tried tackling this they made everything illegal Leave crime alone!!! — @breakingcreech
Thu Jun 01 22:28:13 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 it's about damn crime! — @joe_no_privacy
Thu Jun 01 22:27:00 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 South Hears Term 'Abolition,' Drunkenly Threatens to 'Rise Again' — @TimCushing
Thu Jun 01 22:26:39 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 "It should be illegal" — @000dollars
Thu Jun 01 22:26:11 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Crime Lobby to Focus on Senate, President — @DarrylDaugherty
Thu Jun 01 05:59:57 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 If we abolish crime, then only outlaws will be criminals! — @monosynth
Thu Jun 01 05:59:53 +0000 2017
House Votes to Abolish Crime
Thu Jun 01 05:56:55 +0000 2017
7 Signs Your Furniture May Be Ontologically Satanic - #4 Will Forever Unravel the Concept of Surprise!
Thu Jun 01 00:48:02 +0000 2017
Vatican to Canonize St. Terrorbot of Cluster 76
Wed May 31 18:49:47 +0000 2017
... [B]lood later found in 9 jars across the US. ... [I]ncluding Kentucky, New Mexico... & Rhode Island. ... [t]ota… https://t.co/jdAcDAKhRW — @eaglevsnake
Wed May 31 18:31:46 +0000 2017
Intern Exsanguinated After Misuse of Approved News 6 Twitter Feed
Wed May 31 18:28:32 +0000 2017
cc: @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/daaSHGB9Xi — @rhcm123
Wed May 31 18:02:58 +0000 2017
Democrats Slam Romney's "Obsessive Pursuit" of "The Dancing Man," "For It Shall Live As Long As Hubris Lives in the Mortal Heart"
Wed May 31 11:44:13 +0000 2017
Vaping Is an Ice Scientist's Worst Nightmare — @HeadlineSmasher
Wed May 31 10:13:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 US Army Corps of Engineers Conducting Unplanned Exercises In Border Areas. FEMA, NASA, CDC Refuse To Comment. — @DarrylDaugherty
Wed May 31 09:22:21 +0000 2017
Sources: Tennessee State █████ Will Likely Be REDACTED, [REDACTED], or [REDACTED], https://t.co/17sMu28v26
Wed May 31 09:15:31 +0000 2017
House Dems on Covfefe: "It's Unbelievable We're Still Talking About This in 2017," "It's Time to Stop Relitigating the ███████ Rights Act"
Wed May 31 06:16:22 +0000 2017
"It's Time We Had A Serious Discussion About This Issue:" Conservative Groups Laud Trump's "Courageous Stance" on Covfefe
Wed May 31 06:12:27 +0000 2017
"I Don't Care About Being 'Politically Correct:'" Trump Defends Covfefe Tweet
Wed May 31 06:08:56 +0000 2017
Mitt Romney, Clad in Tattered Robes, Blindfold, Seen Pursuing Dancing Man Out of Bennington, Rusted Cleaver in Hand
Wed May 31 04:06:48 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I think by now the public as a whole is sick of the Dancing Man's shtick. Every time it's just [REDA… https://t.co/anTDafbeG1 — @Cloudberry0
Wed May 31 04:06:29 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Oh geez...oh geez. Disco █████ and everything? Stay safe, Vermonters. — @TopherGrey
Wed May 31 04:06:25 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 REBUTTAL: The Grinning Thing Can Have The Protesters — @asterixcalibur
Wed May 31 04:04:24 +0000 2017
BREAKING: The Dancing Man ██████ ███████ Bennington, Vermont; Hundreds Believed REDACTED
Wed May 31 04:03:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: You Goddamn Liberals Just Want to Give Everything Away for Free, Don't You? — @joe_no_privacy
Wed May 31 03:51:43 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: We Must Save Our Rancid Meat to Appease the Grinning Thing
Wed May 31 03:51:24 +0000 2017
OPINION: We Need to Start Throwing Rancid Meat at Protesters Again
Wed May 31 03:50:55 +0000 2017
RELATED: Is Your Imagination Harboring Terrorists? It's Likelier than You Think!
Wed May 31 01:43:23 +0000 2017
FBI Warns Fugitives May Be Hiding In Your Memories
Wed May 31 00:39:03 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Orb fifth column? https://t.co/1WwTB8tbhW — @mensan98th
Tue May 30 20:46:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Holy crap, that's where my sister lives. Gotta warn her until it's too late… — @usr_local_share
Tue May 30 16:52:03 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 "I done told them flickerin' shadow people stay off my grass & stop playing that sibilant music, and… https://t.co/biyZ9QjsU3 — @PithyOrNot
Tue May 30 08:11:30 +0000 2017
Why This Intangible Ghoul Is Going to Crush You In Your Sleep — And Why You'll Be Glad It Did
Tue May 30 08:10:43 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Were The Youth Truly Causally Disjunct, Real Americans Could Not Perceive Them
Tue May 30 06:50:37 +0000 2017
OPINION: Today's Youth Are Causally Disjunct From Consensus Reality
Tue May 30 06:49:53 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Grinning Thing is Good for Bitcoin
Tue May 30 05:18:47 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 When the Orbs of the Grand Accounting arrive, what geometric shape will *your* soul be? Donate today… https://t.co/rdJ1ApZTZZ — @BlueSpaceCanary
Tue May 30 05:01:19 +0000 2017
What the Dissolution of the Council of Whispers Would Mean For You: A Shrieking Shadow Thing's Perspective
Tue May 30 04:59:51 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Support Our Underseas Reporters by Making a Monthly Pledge https://t.co/jGZo7r9oQN
Tue May 30 04:39:28 +0000 2017
Gnawing Casually on Human Femur, Australian Spider Tycoon Hulk Warbutt Calls on Shark-King of Under-Australia to Lift Embargo of New Zealand
Tue May 30 04:35:43 +0000 2017
Finance Minister Bolt "Razorjaw" Hammerblitz Warns of "Catastrophic Repercussions" from Shark-King's "Ill-Timed Move," Bodyslams Reporter
Tue May 30 04:27:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Typical Shark-King reponse. Next thing you know, they'll demand that the Blood Frenzy be held off-camera. — @TopherGrey
Tue May 30 04:20:23 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 For historical background on shark geopolitics in the South Pacific: - https://t.co/qkFZjTnTTz -… https://t.co/N62xxleTzX — @DrCuriosity
Tue May 30 04:20:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 You can tell that @ApprovedNews6 isn't from anywhere near that region because the headline doesn't use the shark-king's name. — @ireneista
Tue May 30 04:18:39 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Shark-King of Under-Australia Enters Blood Frenzy
Tue May 30 04:15:35 +0000 2017
Overlord Rip "Skullfuck" Fireshank of Australian Wastes Bites Head Off Razortooth Shriekling, Slams Under-Australia's Embargo of New Zealand
Tue May 30 04:15:21 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Shark-King of Under-Australia Declares Embargo on New Zealand
Tue May 30 04:15:12 +0000 2017
Trump Reports "Huge Breakthrough" in "Negotiations" With "The Bone-Drinker," As Millipedes Crawl from Nostrils
Tue May 30 04:05:05 +0000 2017
We always knew it would come to this. They know what they've done. They know. https://t.co/XSUYQteYXu — @SontaranPR
Tue May 30 02:24:28 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Pentagon Warns "An Entity" Has Been "Released" Into "General Population" at "Undisclosed Location"
Tue May 30 02:05:06 +0000 2017
Razortooth Shriekling Becomes Tennessee State Marsupial
Tue May 30 02:03:53 +0000 2017
Fungus-King of New Zealand Cuts Off Diplomatic Relations With Under-Australia
Tue May 30 02:03:24 +0000 2017
Improving Airport Security Through Meditation, Chanting: Monks of the Bronze Mask Issue Radical Proposal
Mon May 29 22:18:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Glad to see the AOA with this well rounded response. — @MusclePupy
Mon May 29 22:14:59 +0000 2017
President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Faces Cliticism for Failures to Cumpensate Clampaign Advisers
Mon May 29 22:14:08 +0000 2017
American Orb Association Condemns Trump Statement as "Cubical," "Almost Rectangular"
Mon May 29 22:09:04 +0000 2017
Trump: America "Post-Orb"
Mon May 29 20:35:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 It's immoral to ask Americans to risk their bones when Skeletal Veteran's Affairs has a 30 year back… https://t.co/AWHRvDe1I3 — @TBSkyen
Mon May 29 20:33:11 +0000 2017
Report: Millions to Be Dissolved in Iron Cauldrons by the End of 2017
Mon May 29 20:31:23 +0000 2017
OPINION: It's Time for Millennials to Man Up and Stop Dodging the Skeleton War Draft
Mon May 29 20:29:27 +0000 2017
LIVE: Strange red lights are illuminating inside the White House. We're working to find out what is going on. WATCH… https://t.co/bLeui4Ndx0 — @FOX5Atlanta
Mon May 29 10:19:17 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I once mistook a Mad Maiden for a Blood Maiden. She stabbed my shadow into the ground. I had to take sensitivity training. — @theredlongitude
Sun May 28 06:23:56 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: You Need This
Sun May 28 05:15:24 +0000 2017
OPINION: You Deserve This
Sun May 28 05:15:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Erotican Repubic Boasts “Supeerior Aeronaughtycs Progasm,” “We'll Be Circling Uranus Bevore You Get… https://t.co/9N7AG3AxCs — @NorWesternCrow
Sun May 28 04:01:05 +0000 2017
Swarms of cicadas are unexpectedly crawling out from under trees from North Carolina to New Jersey. https://t.co/LaAR20nC0b — @sciam
Sat May 27 23:28:16 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Support Approved News 6 With a Monthly Pledge in US Dollars, Dried Yak Teeth, or Cursed Fairy Gold https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Sat May 27 22:58:13 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | DEA Reschedules Happiness https://t.co/4nN08juxod https://t.co/yeBELCmRpv
Sat May 27 22:37:03 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents: Apple Juice "Insufficiently Educational," Should Be "Restricted to Those Over 18"
Sat May 27 20:41:37 +0000 2017
REMINDER: The Society of Whispers Must Never be Conflated with the Council of Whispers, Lest A Dread Happening Befall
Sat May 27 20:08:44 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Reliable Inside Sources Report Trump Expelled from Society of Whispers on Charges of Sexual Harassment
Sat May 27 20:07:16 +0000 2017
OPINION: Trump's Links With the Society of Whispers Should Not Be Ignored
Sat May 27 20:05:25 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Secluded Eyes of the Unthinkable Obliterator Join Blood-Soaked Maidens of the Cold Sword Against Mad Maidens of the Reviled Hour
Sat May 27 20:04:22 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Mad Maidens of the Reviled Hour Declare Eternal Blood War on Blood-Soaked Maidens of the Cold Sword
Sat May 27 20:01:51 +0000 2017
BREAKING: President-erect of Erotican Republic Cumdemns Abolition of Heretosexual Marriage in [REDACTED] — @joe_no_privacy
Sat May 27 19:32:57 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Dear ███████, how do I put in a Freedomme of Skinformation Act request w/ the Erotican Repubic's Orifice of Voreign Affairs? — @NorWesternCrow
Sat May 27 03:25:03 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 does the Erotican Republic deny the Orb? https://t.co/sLlFlN3EU7 — @Chirurgic
Sat May 27 02:36:25 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/d41h8pfgCq — @NorWesternCrow
Fri May 26 23:12:28 +0000 2017
.@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/N5meOqHCqk — @cveidson
Fri May 26 20:21:51 +0000 2017
Pressed on Basic Mathematical Facts, Physical Laws, CIA Spokesman Doubles Up Laughing, Waves Reporters Away
Fri May 26 07:14:00 +0000 2017
"No Such Thing As Turtles," "This Isn't America," "The Sky is Definitely Not Blue:" CIA Spokesman Denies Everything
Fri May 26 07:12:05 +0000 2017
President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Repertedly "Sexcited" to Welcum New Sex Islands Amb-ass-ador
Thu May 25 16:11:36 +0000 2017
Ice Cliffs Sparkle as the Orb Crawls Along — @NYTMinusContext
Thu May 25 14:14:40 +0000 2017
PARENTS: Are Your Teens Rolling Their Own Crypto? Find Out More About This Dangerous Trend at 6pm Tonight, Only on Unapproved News 69 — @joe_no_privacy
Thu May 25 03:31:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Can we please can the shallow celebrity gossip? There IS real news out there! Also I haven't read th… https://t.co/wkr1V2JCYO — @EugeneIpavec
Thu May 25 01:13:24 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 the Erotican is leaking https://t.co/J0PtsyIlUp — @jleedev
Thu May 25 00:54:06 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 That's because they refuse to support their Local Dusk Jockeys with their dollars. I'm very pleased… https://t.co/QaitH3iAub — @ladyjax
Wed May 24 22:39:45 +0000 2017
New Study: Many Americans Blame Local Dusk Jockeys for "Uncreative" Sunsets
Wed May 24 21:36:00 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 EXPERTS: Peak Orb is a Disgusting Lie Manufactured by the Cube Industrial Complex to Sow Chaos and P… https://t.co/cUTbZa5ZFV — @joe_no_privacy
Wed May 24 16:14:37 +0000 2017
@gizematsix @archillect URGENT: Photography Site Reveals Development of Unknown Compound Alpha. @ApprovedNews6 — @DarrylDaugherty
Wed May 24 12:25:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/fYTNan69JR — @CurmudgeonBeast
Wed May 24 06:11:37 +0000 2017
President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Condemns Use of SLUT Teams by Dicktator of the Sex Islands Against "Skinnocent Protestes"
Wed May 24 05:27:41 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Candidate Promises Funding For Orbs: No More Taxpayer Money "Wasted On Platonic Solids". — @DarrylDaugherty
Wed May 24 05:11:20 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Oorah! The warbeasts have begun the Caterwaul of Matrimony, which will go on through Thursday! Earpl… https://t.co/pEdBEqfdDg — @TopherGrey
Wed May 24 05:11:05 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Finance: Brokers Taking Short Positions On Orb. Spheroids Down In Early Trading. Regulators & Geomet… https://t.co/X6ecbUTFG4 — @DarrylDaugherty
Wed May 24 04:43:13 +0000 2017
BREAKING: The Faceless Adjutant & The Wayward Prince To Wed
Wed May 24 04:41:58 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OUTRAGED LETTER BY READER WHO ONLY READ THE HEADLINE: um actually an orb by definition has no peak — @BlueSpaceCanary
Wed May 24 04:16:23 +0000 2017
EDITORIAL: Have We Reached Peak Orb?
Wed May 24 04:11:24 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 And how many Hellfare recipients are using my hacks money to buy brand name Killadelphia Scream Cheese? — @tweetsthecreeps
Wed May 24 03:44:43 +0000 2017
New Study: Scream Cheese, Slaughtermelon Consumption Elevated in States With Heaviest Hellfare Restrictions
Wed May 24 00:11:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OUTSIDER'S PERSPECTIVE: There is no Outer Space, by Ponyboy Curtis — @jdimpson
Tue May 23 23:39:17 +0000 2017
"Blessed Are the Orbs:" White House Press Secretary Spicer, Speaking in Eerie Monotone, Issues Statement to Press
Tue May 23 21:08:30 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: There Are No Communists in Outer Space, by Cosmocommissar Alyona Kuznetsova
Tue May 23 19:24:25 +0000 2017
EDITORIAL: There Are No Nazis in Outer Space, by Umlaufbahnführer Hans Knorpelsturm
Tue May 23 19:20:23 +0000 2017
Facebook Rolls Out Missiles, Other Weaponry at Annual Parade — @HeadlineSmasher
Tue May 23 06:12:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 UPDATE: Guilt by associative property yields false conclusions. No proof exists such that my identit… https://t.co/LJmrkmygHI — @ravikanodia
Mon May 22 23:51:30 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 damn kids. the only drug anyone should do is the powdered remains of Those Touched by the Orb — @joe_no_privacy
Mon May 22 22:41:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I live near the indiana border, hoosier salad is everywhere please help — @breakingcreech
Mon May 22 22:04:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Crystal math has caused incalculable harm to my local domain. Its inclusion in this set is integral to the premise — @ravikanodia
Mon May 22 22:04:39 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 It's the tetraflourides that are the real scourges — @formercrsc
Mon May 22 21:58:41 +0000 2017
@whatafungame @ApprovedNews6 @AxelBordelon You forgot an important qualifier: 100% of *surviving* ClF3 users… — @gparker
Mon May 22 21:58:20 +0000 2017
@gparker @ApprovedNews6 @AxelBordelon ~100% of regular ClF3 users have moved on to CIF5. Of course, that might simp… https://t.co/NCF0xtLopP — @whatafungame
Mon May 22 21:58:18 +0000 2017
The other day I went to roll up some dank Hoosier Salad and I realized it was 40% Buckeyes. I need a new dealer https://t.co/mRluHd0dOJ — @cveidson
Mon May 22 21:41:16 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 in my community people mostly get high on their inflated sense of self-worth. — @VECTORCITIES
Mon May 22 21:41:12 +0000 2017
@Hoosier_TarHeel @ApprovedNews6 @TimCushing It's a side dish when the entrée is #PeanutButterMeth — @SohnsTed
Mon May 22 21:41:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 @TimCushing I had to google "Hoosier Salad." It's worse than I thought. https://t.co/8Re9TTaqIx — @Hoosier_TarHeel
Mon May 22 21:41:00 +0000 2017
@AxelBordelon @ApprovedNews6 Careful. ClF3 is a notorious gateway drug to ClF5. — @gparker
Mon May 22 21:40:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 My son is in middle school and he says he's hears some kids talk about THE DEVOURING DUST OF UNHALLO… https://t.co/fLFK3j8v2X — @bro_hal
Mon May 22 21:40:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Asphalt. — @EugeneIpavec
Mon May 22 21:38:35 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I'm trying to kick my addiction to Fractal Meth, but I keep repeating the same patterns on a larger and larger scale. — @tweetsthecreeps
Mon May 22 20:45:41 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 We're having real issues with THE GREAT HORNED ONE'S BLACK BLOOD, SWEET ICHOR OF DECAY becoming popular among kids. — @GhostofGoldblum
Mon May 22 20:45:34 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The Unrelenting Specter Of Death has ruined hundreds of lives in my community and must be banned — @AndrewNCassidy
Mon May 22 20:45:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I'm addicted to Chlorine Triflouride and I can't stop. — @AxelBordelon
Mon May 22 20:32:04 +0000 2017
Damn kids huffing the Compound Alpha, hoping to trigger latent superpowers... https://t.co/nKWAEpRYhx — @Velocelot
Mon May 22 20:22:29 +0000 2017
POLL | What Street Drugs Are the Biggest Problem in Your Community?
Mon May 22 20:21:00 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 EXPERTS: https://t.co/s62H2tdpCh — @joe_no_privacy
Mon May 22 14:54:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/5OI0NFIfx0 — @insomniacity
Mon May 22 14:54:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Valiants of The Orb Claim Requests To Appear At Expert Panel Denied, Given Roundabout Replies, "Went… https://t.co/RlqDvFaxVH — @martijaxn
Mon May 22 14:53:54 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: I don't think you realize exactly how much blood we're talking about here. https://t.co/wc05faWOOj — @surly_squirrel
Mon May 22 02:28:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I was looking forward to this, too — @Divad_42
Mon May 22 01:12:03 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Aw, c'mon. I have a summoning circle to get to at █ — @Divad_42
Mon May 22 01:12:01 +0000 2017
together we can show this ORB-LOVER he is expected 2 KEEP HIS PROMISES!!!! #LikeUntoTheOldenTimes — @realKhaddaraz
Mon May 22 01:05:46 +0000 2017
Tomorrow i will be manifesting on National Mall in ALL MY DREAD GLORY 2 MAKE MY DISPLEASURE KNOWN !! i call on all Real Americans to join me — @realKhaddaraz
Mon May 22 01:05:41 +0000 2017
We must HOLD trump to CAMPAIGN PROMISES re/ ORB. We must Not let him think he can CHEAT AMERICA — @realKhaddaraz
Mon May 22 01:05:37 +0000 2017
But, now president WE elected has REFUSED 2 honor promises he made to US !!! EPIC FAIL — @realKhaddaraz
Mon May 22 01:05:31 +0000 2017
rhetoric on campaign trail was one thing!! https://t.co/6H2EQrLD1z — @realKhaddaraz
Mon May 22 01:05:26 +0000 2017
When i thought-compelled all those within my power 2 vote TRUMP in 2016, i believed in man who would take STRONG STAND against ORB — @realKhaddaraz
Mon May 22 01:05:19 +0000 2017
however !! We must respond with Real Action! our President must learn to respect WILL OF PEOPLE, must learn to KEEP PROMISES — @realKhaddaraz
Mon May 22 01:05:12 +0000 2017
i know we r all v SHOCKED by news today. Trump orb FLIP FLOP = UNACCEPTABLE — @realKhaddaraz
Mon May 22 01:05:07 +0000 2017
SO #thread — @realKhaddaraz
Mon May 22 01:05:04 +0000 2017
@dyslexxicon @ApprovedNews6 I LIKE ICOSAHEDRON! — @Chirurgic
Mon May 22 00:56:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Orbs are round. Orbs are SIMPLE. ORBS ARE INFERIOR! TRUST IN THE DODECAHEDRON AND ITS MANY FACETS AND PENETRATING POINTS! ✴️ — @dyslexxicon
Mon May 22 00:55:07 +0000 2017
BREAKING: White House Reportedly "Frantic" to Uncover Source of Nazi Orb Leak
Mon May 22 00:53:43 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 all of this talk of orbs, but no one wants to talk about the one true transcended shape: The Great Stellated Dodecahedron! ✴️ — @dyslexxicon
Mon May 22 00:52:08 +0000 2017
Trump Dismisses Nazi Orb Warnings: "Orbs Are Great, Guys;" "We've Got the Best Orbs, Right Here in America"
Mon May 22 00:50:17 +0000 2017
Analysts: "Possibility Exists" Trump "On the Verge" of Reclaiming the Claw https://t.co/i8uR2lct3O
Mon May 22 00:49:31 +0000 2017
Nazi Orbs "A Clear & Present Danger" to National Security, Inside Sources Warn
Mon May 22 00:45:29 +0000 2017
@velartrill https://t.co/Mcse7DTybv — @riking27
Mon May 22 00:36:02 +0000 2017
OPINION: Why Mere Blood Will Not Suffice
Mon May 22 00:34:06 +0000 2017
EDITORIAL: https://t.co/7NauxJTqWB
Mon May 22 00:18:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Baby Boomers need to face the fact that the mistakes of their generation shall not be forces onto Mi… https://t.co/Yt0O9FauSi — @AxelBordelon
Mon May 22 00:14:50 +0000 2017
TONIGHT AT █/█c: Tune In to Our Special Expert Panel on Orb Affairs, Moderated by Salisandra Fleischzweifel & the Spectre of Howard Taft
Mon May 22 00:05:34 +0000 2017
VIEWPOINT: https://t.co/uwrtVjIKCp
Mon May 22 00:01:59 +0000 2017
@sarahjeong another view of orb https://t.co/Rt4tMQIVHA — @the_castle_gate
Mon May 22 00:01:01 +0000 2017
@s_westall @ApprovedNews6 All these corrupt politicians standing in the presence of the Orb smh. Back in my day, we… https://t.co/5oeurmUVB8 — @betterchardyboi
Sun May 21 23:57:20 +0000 2017
Kids and the Problem With Colloidal Silver — @thinkpiecebot
Sun May 21 23:12:48 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment on Saudi Orb Visit, Trump Unhinges Jaw, Emits Baleful Light From Deep Within
Sun May 21 21:20:57 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: The Chicago Orb's Unscheduled Neutrino Burst is Clearly Part of "Operation Euripides"
Sun May 21 21:19:21 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Chicago Orb's Unscheduled Neutrino Burst is Clearly Part of "Project Scowling Lizard"
Sun May 21 21:18:58 +0000 2017
Chicago Orb Emits Unscheduled Neutrino Burst, Prompting Inquiries Into Trump's Activities
Sun May 21 21:11:17 +0000 2017
Here's everything @ApprovedNews6 has re: Trump's statements on orbs. Not much. I think he's hiding something. https://t.co/YG1mncsmNv — @NorWesternCrow
Sun May 21 21:07:11 +0000 2017
Trump's opinions on orbs are strangely sparse, but consistently negative. As late as March, he wanted to jail them. https://t.co/TTOBOU2Med — @NorWesternCrow
Sun May 21 21:07:06 +0000 2017
Trump, 2016: orbs are ruining america Trump, 2017: i like 2 touch orb https://t.co/Z452VTFhxl — @NorWesternCrow
Sun May 21 21:07:02 +0000 2017
Sisi, Saudi King and Trump put their hands on a glowing orb https://t.co/9aKXl2prjW — @s_westall
Sun May 21 21:03:19 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Secret Society of Elvis Impersonators, Founded 1471, Wiped Out by Ancient Adversary
Sun May 21 08:39:02 +0000 2017
OPINION: Amphetamine Psychosis is Good for Bitcoin
Sun May 21 06:46:09 +0000 2017
Four Killed in Suicide Prevention — @HeadlineSmasher
Sat May 20 18:15:47 +0000 2017
Only you can help the War On Hugs (tm @ApprovedNews6) https://t.co/V48gaC0p9v — @sophienotemily
Sat May 20 15:35:03 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Great, now every ███████ will be forced to [character string not found] and then sieve through the d… https://t.co/7UESNXIqHX — @TopherGrey
Sat May 20 06:41:19 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Omnibus REDACTED Act ██████ in House, ███ to ███
Sat May 20 06:34:46 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Also known as the Omnibus [REDACTED] Act. — @DarrylDaugherty
Sat May 20 06:33:32 +0000 2017
Rep. █████ ███████ (🕴️-NV) Introduces Bill to REDACTED
Sat May 20 06:21:21 +0000 2017
READ NOW: 7 Varieties of Interloper & How Best to Dispose of Each
Sat May 20 03:08:45 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/K0YwhU0Deb — @NorWesternCrow
Fri May 19 19:48:53 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Oh suuure the brochure says "infinite," but nobody reads the fine print. I bet there's all kinds of… https://t.co/uTGvtXvt6W — @EugeneIpavec
Fri May 19 02:09:41 +0000 2017
7 Reasons to Prostate Yourself Before the Sunken Avatar of the Hidden Kingdom
Fri May 19 01:56:58 +0000 2017
Survey: Despite Ban, Illicit Hug Use Growing Among Millennials
Fri May 19 00:18:14 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Trivializing the Great Mistake is an Insult to the REDACTED
Thu May 18 18:26:19 +0000 2017
OPINION: In Less Than A Year, Trump's Presidency Has Proven More Disastrous Even Than the Great Mistake
Thu May 18 18:25:24 +0000 2017
Erotican Ambassador Dismisses United Skanks as "Special Interest Grope"
Thu May 18 18:11:14 +0000 2017
United Skanks of America Calls for "Cumbargo" on Erotican Repubic
Thu May 18 18:10:13 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Need a Break from the Day-to-Day? Consider a Vacation in Scenic "INFINITE TORTURE ZONE"!
Thu May 18 17:19:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 BREAKING: NSA Said To Be Secretly Collecting Login Blood in Massive Storage Tank for Classified Purposes — @icambron
Thu May 18 15:43:48 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Donald Trump crows at victory, conveniently forgetting that such a ruling invalidates his initial claims. — @AxelBordelon
Thu May 18 14:23:10 +0000 2017
Attn: @ApprovedNews6 ⚡️ “DHS Secretary tells Trump he can use ceremonial saber on the press” https://t.co/3zez2e1y4u — @monosynth
Thu May 18 14:23:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Disgusting bigotry against nonexistent-americans — @BlueSpaceCanary
Thu May 18 07:14:37 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Judge Rules Fairy Queen Does Not Have Standing to File Suit, "As She Does Not Exist"
Thu May 18 07:13:20 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Fairy Queen Files Suit Against Trump for Defamation, Libel
Thu May 18 07:11:50 +0000 2017
"I Most Certainly Do Not Exist:" Fairy Queen Issues Scathing Rebuttal to Trump's "Hateful Remarks"
Thu May 18 07:11:15 +0000 2017
Trump Blames Russia Leak on Fairy Queen, "Who Totally Exists"
Thu May 18 07:09:44 +0000 2017
Crime-Breathing Dragon Lays Waste to Cleveland
Thu May 18 04:36:51 +0000 2017
Clitics: New President-Erect's Repubetation Tainted by Predecessor's Sextralegal Sacktivities
Thu May 18 04:12:54 +0000 2017
New President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Vows to "Sextirpate" Cockruption
Thu May 18 04:07:22 +0000 2017
what the hell is going on in DC? is this you @ApprovedNews6? https://t.co/sdQRvvXRQb — @mercat
Thu May 18 03:53:57 +0000 2017
Rising Razortooth Shriekling Populations Threaten East Coast Ecosystems
Wed May 17 21:24:37 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Scandal goes deeper, harder, as colleagues of former president-erect continue to be fingered. — @tweetsthecreeps
Wed May 17 20:53:32 +0000 2017
BREAKING: President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Forced to Step Down in Favor of Suckcessor
Wed May 17 20:13:49 +0000 2017
President-Erect's Party Members "Simply Cuntfounded" by Phallegations
Wed May 17 20:03:08 +0000 2017
President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Pimplicated in Sextortion Scandal
Wed May 17 19:59:59 +0000 2017
Critics: While of "Some Value" for Corporate Systems, Most End Users "Lack the Patience" to Slow-Bleed an Innocent Creature at Each Login
Wed May 17 19:13:39 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 This is clearly incorrect - the blood of an innocent is a username, not their password — @riking27
Wed May 17 19:12:52 +0000 2017
Microsoft Defends New Update: Requirement for Innocent Blood "Critical Security Feature"
Wed May 17 19:11:23 +0000 2017
Controversial Windows 10 Update Will Require Users to Shed Innocent Blood as Part of Login Process
Wed May 17 19:10:49 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/DaYSOUrNj9 — @mjhutchinson
Wed May 17 00:42:57 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Getting Too Heavy for Your Favorite Broomstick? Try Our New "Hexercise" Regimen & Watch the Pounds Fly Away!
Tue May 16 23:23:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Sign #6 is a certified letter with your appointment info — @EugeneIpavec
Tue May 16 22:33:04 +0000 2017
Cc: @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/wf4u1CvBez — @rhcm123
Tue May 16 22:32:49 +0000 2017
Bill Before Congress Would Declare Refutation of the Sanguine Edict National Holiday
Tue May 16 20:01:24 +0000 2017
7 Signs You Have Been Selected for the Procedure
Tue May 16 05:14:58 +0000 2017
LIFEHACK: Degauss Your Husband for Optimum Performance
Tue May 16 04:31:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/jMD7dy5HpH — @taffer
Mon May 15 20:41:35 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Patience, My Hot-Blooded Friend — Might Our Dear Guest Not Perhaps Still Prove Useful?
Mon May 15 09:23:06 +0000 2017
OPINION: Eliminate the Interloper!
Mon May 15 09:21:38 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents Warn Teens Getting High on Revolutionary Praxis
Mon May 15 09:10:18 +0000 2017
"Nothing Under the Sun At All," Forensic Theologians Conclude, Eyes Darting Nervously From Side to Side https://t.co/BSWNXiiRyF
Sun May 14 16:29:20 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Approved News 5 is No Longer Approved
Sun May 14 16:25:41 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Ensure Your Flesh Purity by Making a Monthly Contribution to Approved News Sources https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Sun May 14 16:25:02 +0000 2017
Experts Confirm You Are Utterly Unprepared For What Is Yet To Come
Sun May 14 16:22:54 +0000 2017
Inside Sources: "This is Only the Beginning"
Sun May 14 16:12:18 +0000 2017
President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Demands Sexplanation for Aggressive Military Sexercises by Sex Islands
Sun May 14 14:16:37 +0000 2017
Looks like @ApprovedNews6 has some serious competition today. https://t.co/yCRru599F2 — @usr_local_share
Sun May 14 14:09:20 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Press Secretary Spicer ██████████ Unidentified Object █████████ ███████ Fourth Impact ████ █████████ of Casualties
Sun May 14 04:13:22 +0000 2017
Inheritors of the Gibbering Crown Stage Mock REDACTED on National Mall to Protest Deregulation of Femur Imports
Sun May 14 04:10:52 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 could this be the ever-popular Florida Man? https://t.co/QbnNS0Yc9p — @skotchandsoda
Sun May 14 04:09:32 +0000 2017
There's a Hostage Situation in Congress. They've Got a Front Page Nipple Photo — @HeadlineSmasher
Sat May 13 19:12:36 +0000 2017
.@ApprovedNews6 and soon, i'm going to be broke in a few months. absolutely anything helps at this point. thank you. — @velartrill
Sat May 13 17:24:57 +0000 2017
.@ApprovedNews6 since i'm a crippled wreck of a human being, this is my only source of income, and right now i'm ba… https://t.co/Zhr3P4fkb0 — @velartrill
Sat May 13 17:24:46 +0000 2017
hey so if you enjoy @ApprovedNews6, please consider stopping by https://t.co/76qHXTXxht and making a small monthly pledge. even $1 helps. — @velartrill
Sat May 13 17:24:17 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Hundreds of Stern Figures in Labcoats, Gas Masks Forcibly Occupy Vampire State Building
Sat May 13 09:16:53 +0000 2017
OPINION: Why the Ultrapope of the Wailing Church Must Issue An Apology to She Who Throttles the Dawn
Sat May 13 04:38:54 +0000 2017
Approached by Reporters, Razortooth Shriekling Gnaws Frantically on Cage Bars, Deafens Reporters With Piercing Shriek
Sat May 13 03:24:38 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Dems Relent, Allow Trump's Appointment of a Razortooth Shriekling to Supreme Court
Sat May 13 03:19:56 +0000 2017
Your Constant Masturbation Is Ruining Your Favorite Books — @HeadlineSmasher
Sat May 13 03:11:08 +0000 2017
Pressed on Impact for Ongoing "Project Scowling Lizard," White House Press Secretary Spicer Stares at Reporter, Hisses
Sat May 13 03:09:28 +0000 2017
Hillary Clinton, Charles J. Bloodhorn Join Obama to Commemorate Founding of Grinning Lizard Institute
Sat May 13 03:07:46 +0000 2017
Barack Obama Founds Charitable Organization to Continue "Project Grinning Lizard" as Private Citizen
Sat May 13 03:04:00 +0000 2017
Professor of Conspiracy Studies Dr. Ángela Portillo Warns Discontinued Item #7 Heist "Likely Connected" to "Operation Euripides"
Sat May 13 03:03:03 +0000 2017
"How Many Have You Killed?" Pressed for Comment on Heist, Wyoming Governor's Spokesman Grips Podium, Stares Hungrily At Reporters
Sat May 13 03:01:02 +0000 2017
Wyoming Stockpile of "Discontinued Item #7" Raided by Unknown Forces
Sat May 13 02:58:07 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 they were built at an asstronomical cost to provide a double bumper against such events, but apparently they didn't twerk — @Chirurgic
Sat May 13 02:56:49 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Did the buttresses fail? — @Chirurgic
Sat May 13 02:55:02 +0000 2017
Erotican Repubic Pleads For Disasster Relief, Internasstional Aid After Major Catasstrophe
Sat May 13 02:48:11 +0000 2017
Wrathful Crime God Smites 7 Police Hives
Sat May 13 02:04:55 +0000 2017
Well, actually... https://t.co/ECMhEf461L — @orzelc
Fri May 12 21:54:58 +0000 2017
Stern Figures in Lab Coats, Gas Masks Gather Outside White House, Briskly Taking Notes on Clipboards
Fri May 12 20:36:24 +0000 2017
Sen. Mitch McConnell (R-KY), Pressed for Comment: "Mansplaining Is When A Man Lectures Somebody About Their Own Field of Expertise"
Fri May 12 10:19:07 +0000 2017
Republican Bill Before Congress Would Legalize Mansplaining
Fri May 12 10:14:26 +0000 2017
@GeorgeWHerbert @GravityPike @ApprovedNews6 @Chirurgic @AxelBordelon People always confuse Rosebud and Rosebud’s Monster — @AndrewNCassidy
Thu May 11 16:40:23 +0000 2017
@GravityPike @ApprovedNews6 @AndrewNCassidy @Chirurgic @AxelBordelon Look, Rosebud's not the radio flyer, it's the radio flyer *demon*. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Thu May 11 16:40:20 +0000 2017
@AndrewNCassidy @Chirurgic @AxelBordelon @ApprovedNews6 look, redacted text is just unknowable, like why the sky is… https://t.co/Bzr9eLVo0B — @GravityPike
Thu May 11 16:28:49 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Low-battery warning. — @EugeneIpavec
Thu May 11 16:28:42 +0000 2017
@Chirurgic @AxelBordelon @ApprovedNews6 or any alphabet — @AndrewNCassidy
Thu May 11 08:04:31 +0000 2017
@AxelBordelon @ApprovedNews6 you're assuming the glyphs in question are from the latin alphabet — @Chirurgic
Thu May 11 08:04:28 +0000 2017
@AxelBordelon @ApprovedNews6 No, it's literally just ██████████████ It's completely unlike ████ or █████████████████████████ — @alarmallama
Thu May 11 08:04:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Censored word is 14 characters... "Director Comey"? — @AxelBordelon
Thu May 11 04:50:51 +0000 2017
Analysts Warn Derelict Soviet Space Stations May Play "Key Role" in "Operation Euripides"
Wed May 10 22:15:28 +0000 2017
Documents Recovered From ██████████████ Indicate Illuminati Has Commandeered 7 Derelict Soviet Space Stations; Intentions Remain Unknown
Wed May 10 22:15:00 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Lobster Queen Jabs Reporter's Nose With Pincers, Scuttles Rapidly Into Willamette
Wed May 10 20:06:16 +0000 2017
BATTLE OF PORTLAND: Sister Vindicta of the Blood-Soaked Maidens Reports "Conclusive Victory" Over Lobster Queen's Forces
Wed May 10 20:04:39 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Bill to reclassify all organs as "Non-Vital" — @jleedev
Wed May 10 18:28:06 +0000 2017
Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities Issues Statement Condemning Organ Harvesting Bill as "Insensitive," "Regressive"
Wed May 10 18:27:49 +0000 2017
Sen. Rassenkampf: Cheap Source of Uncontaminated Organs "VItal" to "Project Scowling Lizard"
Wed May 10 18:24:38 +0000 2017
Sen. Gottfried Rassenkampf (R-KA) Introduces Bill to Remove Mutant Organ Harvesting Restrictions
Wed May 10 18:22:03 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTER-COUNTERPOINT: The Great Cincinnati Catastrophe Never Ended — @jonathankoren
Wed May 10 17:58:21 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Make Your Monthly Pledge Now, Before It Is Too Late https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Wed May 10 17:50:49 +0000 2017
This blurb from the Washington Post email digest reads like it's straight out of @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/SypOxYzQ4c — @Electro_Shaman
Wed May 10 17:45:44 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: The Great Cincinnati Catastrophe Never Happened
Wed May 10 17:27:18 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Great Cincinnati Catastrophe Must Never Be Repeated
Wed May 10 17:26:41 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Great Cincinnati Catastrophe Must Never Be Repeated
Wed May 10 17:26:41 +0000 2017
Blood-Soaked Maidens of the Cold Sword Lead Ferocious Assault Against Lobster Queen's Armada
Wed May 10 16:36:09 +0000 2017
Lobster Queen of the Sunless Sea Invades Portland
Wed May 10 16:33:13 +0000 2017
Approached by Reporters, Obelisk of National Security Displays Only Searing Red Glyph, Slowly Darkens
Tue May 09 23:30:23 +0000 2017
Pressed for Details, Trump Spits Bone Fragments at Reporters, Flees Into D.C. Sewers
Tue May 09 23:28:30 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 ACLU Releases Statement Condemning Government Interference With Civil Privacy, And Also Their Dads Can Beat Up Your Dads. — @TBSkyen
Tue May 09 23:27:30 +0000 2017
"It's, Look, It's Secret, Okay, We Can't Just Tell You, That's Not How It Works:" Trump Refuses to Reveal Name of Comey's Alleged Successor
Tue May 09 23:26:26 +0000 2017
Gnawing Idly on Comey's Femur, Trump Denies Rumors Name of Next FBI Director "Has Not Revealed Itself" Upon Obelisk of National Security
Tue May 09 23:24:45 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Despite Valiant Effort to Flee, Comey Cornered by Red-Eyed Hounds at Obelisk of National Security, Speedily Eviscerated
Tue May 09 23:20:46 +0000 2017
Approached by Reporters for Comment, Comey Issues Blood-Curdling Scream, Redoubles Pace as Pursuing Hounds Rip Into Press Pool
Tue May 09 23:18:11 +0000 2017
White House Confirms Ritual Expulsion of Comey; Replacement to be Appointed Once Comey's Blood Stains the Obelisk of National Security
Tue May 09 23:16:58 +0000 2017
BREAKING: FBI Director James Comey Chased From FBI Headquarters By Ferocious Pack of Red-Eyed, Emaciated Hounds
Tue May 09 23:14:48 +0000 2017
Kompromom. https://t.co/sGbZMZd58c — @jamesfraleigh
Tue May 09 23:13:28 +0000 2017
National Security Experts Warn Your Mom May Be Compromised
Tue May 09 23:09:16 +0000 2017
@velartrill BREAKING: 'Emergency' Declared at Haunted Nuclear Plant In Washington — @4rafn
Tue May 09 23:08:09 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I don't want no gene filth in MY neighborhood death squad, no sir! — @riking27loud
Tue May 09 16:56:19 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: We Know What the Mother of Storms Doesn't About the Conspiracy of the Silver Panopticon!
Tue May 09 05:26:45 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 A Blast From The Past! https://t.co/5ZuDbHxEKG — @NorWesternCrow
Tue May 09 04:07:10 +0000 2017
"Beg, Worm;" "Beg and Know the Terror of the Subjugated:" House Dems Outline 2018 Strategy
Tue May 09 03:40:51 +0000 2017
As if we needed more reasons to primary every single elected Democrat who won't break with the party line and take… https://t.co/nJOzmAgKG0 — @listelian
Tue May 09 00:19:56 +0000 2017
Dems Embrace Creation of "Hug Enforcement Administration" to Combat Hug Smuggling
Mon May 08 23:52:12 +0000 2017
Republicans Blame Democrats for Republican Soul Sacrifice — @HeadlineSmasher
Mon May 08 18:14:14 +0000 2017
Secluded Sisters of the Vermiform Crown March on Washington to Demand REDACTED
Mon May 08 18:01:42 +0000 2017
MIT Professor Charged with Ultracrime Found REDACTED Under Suspicious Circumstances
Sun May 07 18:41:25 +0000 2017
"Team Bravo-7, Commence Phase GOLDEN SPARROW, This Is Not A Drill:" Mandrake Pharmaceuticals Dismisses Allegations Against Piratizam Trials
Sun May 07 05:25:18 +0000 2017
Critics Decry FDA's "Rushed" Decision, Warning Drug Trials Linked to "Operation Euripides"
Sun May 07 05:19:02 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents, RIAA Jubilant as FDA Approves World's First Anti-Piracy Drug
Sun May 07 05:16:39 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 FOLLOW.THE.GOATS. — @ladyjax
Sat May 06 06:42:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I don't think you can fly THAT high just on kale. Dude had to be freebasing arugula, or at least radicchio — @EugeneIpavec
Sat May 06 06:41:53 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Total fake news. There's no way in hell Sweaty Spice wouldn't have fumbled a sentence that grammatically complex — @EugeneIpavec
Sat May 06 06:41:46 +0000 2017
@icambron @ApprovedNews6 This kind of overbearing runaway nanny-statism is why Trump won — @EugeneIpavec
Sat May 06 06:41:38 +0000 2017
"There Are Those Arts Into Which The Wise Pry Not, Kevin:" Press Secretary Spicer Deflects Reporter's Question on Trump's Goat Purchases
Sat May 06 05:11:55 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Fox News Fires ANOTHER Ballistic Missile [VIDEO] — @TwoHeadlines
Sat May 06 02:09:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 to be clear, "impossibly large hat" isn't a figure of speech in this universe — @jleedev
Fri May 05 23:20:18 +0000 2017
I saw it with my own eyes https://t.co/wcSSxcoMju — @noahjmead
Fri May 05 07:58:31 +0000 2017
Oregon Man Ascends Bodily to the Seventh Celestial Paradigm After Severe Kale Overdose
Fri May 05 07:07:55 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Pain knows no bias which is why the King did what he did. — @ladyjax
Fri May 05 03:57:25 +0000 2017
There are #diseases hidden in #ice, and they are waking up https://t.co/Z8TqLECWPg via @BBCEarth #climatechange #permafrost #bacteria — @natmoss
Fri May 05 03:57:11 +0000 2017
Scientists Say: Reading Could Increase Risk of Measles — @sciencesuggests
Fri May 05 03:45:35 +0000 2017
Pain King Accused of "Partisan Bias" After Pain Citadels Abduct Dozens of Republican Lawmakers
Fri May 05 03:45:15 +0000 2017
7 Reasons the Dancing Man Cannot Be Killed
Fri May 05 03:26:51 +0000 2017
Wisconsin's Dumb Governor May Have Psychic Abilities — @HeadlineSmasher
Fri May 05 03:15:55 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 EXPERT: Regulations mandate that non-profit death squads maintain standards-compliant neural targeting implants. — @icambron
Thu May 04 23:22:10 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 (Because You're One of Them) — @LuxuryTweeting
Thu May 04 23:19:06 +0000 2017
@icambron @ApprovedNews6 I approve of this. We should eschew these enhancements. Natural Death or No Death! — @ladyjax
Thu May 04 22:55:37 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Other Charities Pledge To Only Use Pure, Naturally Evolved Death Squads With No Cybernetic Enhancements — @icambron
Thu May 04 22:53:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 A SECRET MESSAGE IS HIDDEN WITHIN THIS HEADLINE https://t.co/rHEiCsopDK — @NorWesternCrow
Thu May 04 22:48:57 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The Bloodthorn International Charities are a scam on working people. WE CAN DO BETTER! — @ladyjax
Thu May 04 22:47:43 +0000 2017
"Mutants Have The Same Right to Participate in Paramilitary Brutality As You And I:" CJBI Spokeswoman Dismisses Criticism as "Prejudiced"
Thu May 04 22:47:30 +0000 2017
Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities Criticized for Use of Mutant Death Squads
Thu May 04 22:45:23 +0000 2017
Grinning Hungrily, Eyes Obscured by Impossibly Large Hat, Nancy Pelosi Characterizes Republican Healthcare Bill as "Good for Bitcoin"
Thu May 04 22:44:51 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: All Survivors of the Third Impact Gathering at Lost City Deep in Appalachian Woods
Thu May 04 22:32:35 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Bitcoin is already perfect and cannot be improved upon. Those who say otherwise are la… https://t.co/eC8eFlDplf — @SpikyCaterpillr
Thu May 04 22:31:07 +0000 2017
OPINION: Operation Euripides is Good for Bitcoin
Thu May 04 20:42:38 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment on CNN Coup, Illuminati Secretary-General Ulikh Yoor Nowhere to be Found
Thu May 04 20:32:40 +0000 2017
Masked Gunman: CNN Ruling Junta "Controlled by Otherworldly Forces;" "Had to be Eliminated" to Ensure Fair, Balanced Reporting
Thu May 04 20:32:04 +0000 2017
Speaking to Cowed Subordinates, Comandante Guttiérrez Vows to Uncover True Meaning, Purpose of "Operation Euripides"
Thu May 04 20:31:01 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Special Correspondent Juanita Gutiérrez of CNN Launches Coup With Masked Gunman, Executes Network's Ruling Junta by Firing Squad
Thu May 04 20:28:44 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I don't care what anyone says, Masked Gunman has always been on the side of truth. He does what must be done for the people — @LucyRomana
Thu May 04 20:24:08 +0000 2017
Reached for Comment on Potential Successors, Obama's Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Kingsley Hellthrash Hides Under Reporter's Shirt
Thu May 04 19:11:28 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/m4tzWlI4Cb — @mcclure111
Thu May 04 19:04:47 +0000 2017
Analysts: "It Is As Was Foretold" in "Prophecy of the Great Cockroach" by "Oracle of Whispering Sands"
Thu May 04 19:04:23 +0000 2017
Analysts: Senate Dems "Playing Right Into Acting Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Mervin Moongristle's Hands"
Thu May 04 19:02:54 +0000 2017
Democrats Invoke Dread Parliamentary Rites to Block Trump's Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Nominee
Thu May 04 19:01:45 +0000 2017
Illuminati Calls Press Conference on Operation Euripides; Journalists Arrive to Find Entire Secret Illuminati Fortress Deserted
Thu May 04 16:53:38 +0000 2017
In Act of Profound Moral Cowardice, CNN Junta Refuses to Fire Masked Gunman
Thu May 04 07:17:08 +0000 2017
Great Council of Newslords Slams Masked Gunman's "Utter Lack of Journalistic Integrity"
Thu May 04 07:13:59 +0000 2017
BREAKING: The Mandrake Dossier Stolen from News Vaults by Masked Gunman
Thu May 04 07:12:39 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: There's No Such Thing As Operation Euripides, And You're Probably Working For The Russians
Thu May 04 05:26:48 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Release of Unknown Compound Alpha Was Engineered by the Illuminati as Part of Operation Euripides
Thu May 04 05:26:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 what a lie. that shit is vaporware. it'll never happen — @joe_no_privacy
Thu May 04 05:19:08 +0000 2017
Approached by Press, Commander REDACTED of Substation 77 Suddenly Obscured by Redaction Bars, Visual Haze
Thu May 04 05:18:57 +0000 2017
Substation 77 Warns "Unknown Compound Alpha" Has Been "Released Into Civilian Population" by "As-Yet Unidentified Actors"
Thu May 04 05:17:36 +0000 2017
OPINION: For Many Women, Patriarchy Is Empowering
Thu May 04 00:44:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 ngl, this secret underground government facility is an incredibly realistic reproduction of the aboveground — @joe_no_privacy
Wed May 03 23:08:59 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 number 6 shocked me. it was me! — @joe_no_privacy
Wed May 03 23:06:14 +0000 2017
Scientists Discover Your Car Keys on Mars — @sciencesuggests
Wed May 03 22:00:55 +0000 2017
7 People You'll Never Believe Have Been Imprisoned in a Secret Underground Government Facility for Centuries
Wed May 03 22:00:23 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 What about the Bane Unto The Dead Act? — @insomniacity
Wed May 03 16:57:33 +0000 2017
Six sparks each with six spheres? Attn @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/pZSkCAYpB1 — @melshubs
Wed May 03 16:55:34 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OK yeah I see how that could be annoying but I'm brimming with self-assurance and I'm knee-deep in wombats — @EugeneIpavec
Wed May 03 09:35:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Look, it needed to be done, OK? Let's not be babies about it. And how many of us are going to actually miss Nebraska? — @EugeneIpavec
Wed May 03 09:35:03 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 And you should worry about that. — @algo_anthill
Wed May 03 03:46:28 +0000 2017
New Study Shows Anxiety May Attract Swarms of Insects, Feral Dogs
Wed May 03 03:44:27 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Have You Suffered Persistent Soul Failure Due to Improperly Consecrated Drywall? You May Be Owed Cursed Fairy Gold!
Wed May 03 03:18:51 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Libertarian Scapulomancers Say Gov't Has No Authority. — @DarrylDaugherty
Wed May 03 02:31:20 +0000 2017
Arkansas Stiffens Penalties for Impersonating an Oracle, Unlicensed Bone Sorcery
Wed May 03 02:27:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 TANGENT: Waffles — @TopherGrey
Tue May 02 23:22:22 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTER-COUNTERPOINT: Maybe? — @CurmudgeonBeast
Tue May 02 23:13:09 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: No
Tue May 02 23:12:12 +0000 2017
OPNION: Yes
Tue May 02 23:12:05 +0000 2017
Everything You Need to Know About the Exalted Architect of the Beneficent Manifold's Feud with the Blind Monks of the Wandering Tower
Tue May 02 23:09:16 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: The Hive-Queen of the Invisible Orchestra is Out for Blood ― Here's Why You Should Be Too
Tue May 02 22:41:43 +0000 2017
OPINION: Gender is For Losers
Tue May 02 21:44:03 +0000 2017
Secretary of Bullshit Dr. Jessiffer Milligan Calls Press Conference, Angrily Lectures Reporters Through Mouthfuls of Raw Beef
Tue May 02 21:36:35 +0000 2017
What the Milgram Experiment Can Teach Us About Parenting
Tue May 02 20:04:20 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Forbidden Lands Shadow Councilors Washed Away by Sudden Tide, As Thunder Rolls in the Distance
Tue May 02 19:14:55 +0000 2017
Forbidden Lands Shadow Council Cancels Festival of Whispers Due to "Dire Augury"
Tue May 02 19:14:10 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Dammit! We have a Zero China Policy for a reason! — @usr_local_share
Tue May 02 16:46:09 +0000 2017
Trump Admission "Unprecedented Among American Presidents," Say Sources: "Yea, Even Unto the Ancient Times"
Tue May 02 16:45:54 +0000 2017
In Shocking Gaffe, Trump Admits that China Exists
Tue May 02 16:44:20 +0000 2017
Historically more of a Democratic constituency. Bold move. https://t.co/mTgXA4uOC0 — @derwolfanwalt
Tue May 02 16:31:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 You won't believe (or survive) #4! — @TopherGrey
Tue May 02 06:48:31 +0000 2017
"We've Got to Find Them First:" Democrats Dismiss Republican Bill as "Impractical"
Tue May 02 05:15:14 +0000 2017
Republicans Propose Constitutional Amendment to Extend Voting Rights to the Dead
Tue May 02 05:14:14 +0000 2017
7 Amazing Ways You Can Use Industrial Coolant for Evil
Tue May 02 03:25:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 finally something that can stand up to Trump in the next Republican primaries. — @VECTORCITIES
Tue May 02 00:33:56 +0000 2017
Experts: "Substance 7" Over 10 Times Stronger than Industry-Standard Subway Grime, Induces Vomiting through Visual Contact at 50 Paces
Tue May 02 00:22:47 +0000 2017
Filth Scientists Synthesize World's Most Disgusting Substance
Tue May 02 00:15:15 +0000 2017
Great Council of Newslords Orders Intern Pool Decimated After Misuse of Official Twitter Feed
Mon May 01 22:40:07 +0000 2017
President-Erect of the Erotican Repubic Vows to Get "Hard-On Crime"
Mon May 01 22:17:58 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: This Is the Wrong Time for Get-Soft-On-Crime Policies. Leave Dismemberment In Place — @icambron
Mon May 01 22:16:09 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Counterpoint: Keelhauling is a more fitting punishment for such crimes and many more, up to and including regicide — @ZatchDeutsch
Mon May 01 22:04:28 +0000 2017
OPINION: It's Time to Reintroduce Flaying as Punishment for Zoning Violations
Mon May 01 21:59:51 +0000 2017
Pressed for Details, NSA Spokesman Staples Redaction Bars to Reporters' Foreheads
Mon May 01 19:07:05 +0000 2017
NSA Warns "A Particular Individual" Has Done "An Impossible Thing," Recommends All Americans Take "Appropriate Actions"
Mon May 01 19:06:10 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 the Straights are much more dire than the Straits tbh, can't someone bump them off instead? — @BlueSpaceCanary
Mon May 01 11:54:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 PSA: The Blind Council is Always Watching — @insomniacity
Mon May 01 11:51:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The Shadow People don't have faces. They go where they please. — @IncookieCook
Mon May 01 11:49:46 +0000 2017
Catastopharch of the Dire Straits Narrowly Survives Alleged CIA Assassination Attempt
Mon May 01 05:02:16 +0000 2017
Study: Millennials Facing "Epidemic" of Early-Onset Immortality
Mon May 01 04:59:44 +0000 2017
"Upon That Day the Heavens Shall Buckle Beneath the Lamentations of the Damned:" Democrats Unveil 2018 Strategy
Mon May 01 04:55:17 +0000 2017
"Let Their Corpses Fester & Swell 'til They Blot Out the Very Sun:" Congressional Republicans Introduce New Healthcare Bill
Mon May 01 04:48:45 +0000 2017
"Use Your Hands, Use Your Sinews, Use Your Teeth:" Sen. Disastra bel-Malphegor (🐍-MA) Calls on Supporters to Destroy Key Infrastructure
Mon May 01 04:46:33 +0000 2017
Strange Glass Ziggurats Rising from Minneapolis Intersections Beginning to Fill With "Luminous Fog"
Mon May 01 04:43:44 +0000 2017
Trump Denies Rumors of Secret Meeting with Council of Whispers, Faceless Adjutant
Mon May 01 04:41:54 +0000 2017
I miss Secretary of Blood, Sex & Death Kingsley Hellthrash. At least we knew that whatever we were subjected to, it… https://t.co/20ioxghzYF — @chas_lovett
Mon May 01 04:38:10 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Acting Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Mervin Moongristle Orders Reporters "Probed Mercilessly"
Mon May 01 04:38:04 +0000 2017
Department of Blood, Sex, & Death Criticized for "Punitive" Use of Brain Probe Authority Under Trump
Mon May 01 04:35:05 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Your Face, If You Keep Nosing Around Here, Asking Funny Questions
Mon May 01 04:29:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: [MANIACAL LAUGHTER] — @joe_no_privacy
Mon May 01 04:27:11 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Oh, Quiet, You Baby, We Haven't Even Gotten to the Good Part Yet
Mon May 01 04:25:45 +0000 2017
OPINION: AGONIZED SCREAMS
Mon May 01 04:04:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 New? This is basically just a replication of the study done by Ripley et al (1979). — @qsnoof
Mon May 01 04:04:20 +0000 2017
New Study: "OH GOD," "JESUS, NO," "TOO MANY LEGS," "OH GOD, GET IT OFF ME"
Mon May 01 03:44:01 +0000 2017
7 Reasons All is Lost - #4 Was Exactly As You Feared It Would Be
Sun Apr 30 20:24:35 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 @tdfischer_ https://t.co/IOSyAtEuBw — @chlorelium
Sun Apr 30 20:23:40 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: I'd Like to See You Try, Old Man
Sun Apr 30 19:35:04 +0000 2017
OPINION: I Won't Let You Get Away This Time!
Sun Apr 30 19:34:31 +0000 2017
High on Fractal Meth, Florida Man Topples Radiant Pillar of the Vengeful Sun, Rampages Through Catacombs of the Whispering Prince
Sun Apr 30 18:15:20 +0000 2017
radical. lunar. terror. why won't obama say it? https://t.co/8xiZnQOX4n — @8Fourteen
Sun Apr 30 17:11:24 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 @addamschloe ORBIT YOUR ASS RIGHT BACK BEHIND US I ONLY WANNA SEE YOU AT NIGHT — @DaDiDaDIDum
Sun Apr 30 17:11:11 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 @addamschloe NO ONE CAN BE ABOVE AMERICA NOT EVEN THE MOOOON — @DaDiDaDIDum
Sun Apr 30 16:46:12 +0000 2017
100% correct https://t.co/NZ7dWOTxh0 — @HKesvani
Sun Apr 30 16:44:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Evacuees urged to move deeper inland, faster, don't stop. — @martijaxn
Sun Apr 30 07:43:48 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Isle of Lesbos Mobilises Emergency Cleanup Crews, Urges Inhabitants to Stay Indoors For Duration of Crisis — @MegatronusRex
Sun Apr 30 06:57:11 +0000 2017
Thousands Jizzplaced After Oil Skanker Sexplodes Off Coast of Erotican Repubic
Sun Apr 30 06:54:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Is Exxon truly an ally of the looming void. I submit no. — @mcclure111
Sun Apr 30 05:19:14 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Prophetess of the Looming Void Brandishes Ebon Scepter of the Wailing Abyss, Demands Ritual of Appeasement
Sun Apr 30 05:17:14 +0000 2017
Prophetess of the Looming Void Criticized for Ten Thousand-Dollar Exxon Appearance
Sun Apr 30 05:10:16 +0000 2017
Steve Bannon Briefly Released From High School Locker to be Subjected to PE Class
Sun Apr 30 05:03:49 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Sen. XL333012 Violently Inserts Tracking Chip in Reporter's Neck
Sun Apr 30 04:53:11 +0000 2017
"The Gentlebot From Florida Will Sit Down And Stop Vaporizing Its Colleagues:" Senate Majority Leader Slams Sen. XL333012 (R-FL)
Sun Apr 30 04:51:50 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Impossibly Deep Voice in Men's Bathrooms Nationwide Sued After Series of Racist Tirades
Sun Apr 30 04:48:44 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Stop Being Such a Racist https://t.co/VHljGbbsnI — @listelian
Sun Apr 30 04:45:47 +0000 2017
OPINION: Synthetic Hugs a Dire Threat to International Flesh Purity
Sun Apr 30 04:42:24 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Support Our Brave, Doomed Reporters With a Monthly Contribution https://t.co/jGZo7r9oQN
Sat Apr 29 23:34:45 +0000 2017
New Study: "Quit Bitching, Snowflake, And Clean This Mess Up," "Jesus, What A Fucking Baby"
Sat Apr 29 23:31:02 +0000 2017
"Oh God," Industry Insiders Suggest: "Oh Jesus, I Never Wanted This, I'm So Sorry, I Never Meant For Any Of This To Happen, I Swear"
Sat Apr 29 23:28:32 +0000 2017
OPINION: Alright, You Asked For It
Sat Apr 29 23:28:23 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: "You and What Army, Scum" — @joe_no_privacy
Sat Apr 29 23:26:17 +0000 2017
Report: "Get The Hell Out Of My Way, Punk," "I'm Not Warning You Again"
Sat Apr 29 23:24:40 +0000 2017
Experts: "Don't Do It, Man," "You're Going Too Far This Time"
Sat Apr 29 23:23:01 +0000 2017
"I Will Fuck You Up," Say Sources: "Do You Have Any Idea Who You're Fucking With, Kid"
Sat Apr 29 23:21:47 +0000 2017
EXPERTS: https://t.co/FTQZ8zYNuj
Sat Apr 29 17:35:22 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Trump, Delirious from Blood Loss After Being Mauled by Tiger, Accidentally Vetoes Bill to Classify Sex as Controlled Substance
Sat Apr 29 17:26:25 +0000 2017
Democrats: Bill to Classify Sex as a Controlled Substance "Bad for Handjobs"
Sat Apr 29 17:17:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 So college Republicans still won't have to go to the doctor? — @BlueSpaceCanary
Sat Apr 29 17:14:15 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Sen Chip Pervinius IV (R-Moon) added a rider exempting members of Congress from the bill & declaring… https://t.co/EsPrRJRg0g — @cveidson
Sat Apr 29 17:12:10 +0000 2017
Bill Will Require Medical Supervision Only for Human-Mutant Couples https://t.co/C7BhTeEfw6
Sat Apr 29 17:11:27 +0000 2017
If Signed Into Law by Trump, Republican Bill Will Require Doctors to Guarantee "Reproductive Purpose" Before Authorizing Sex
Sat Apr 29 17:07:54 +0000 2017
Republicans Vote in Favor of Bill Requiring a Doctor's Prescription for Sex
Sat Apr 29 15:33:33 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I've thought this for a long time. Nice that someone has the guts to say it. — @_rachelhartman
Sat Apr 29 01:31:47 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Moon Has Got to Go
Sat Apr 29 01:00:33 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Vermont Dreadlord-in-Exile Theodore Blitzenreich Banished from Italy After Failed Attempt to Infiltrate Library of Shadows
Fri Apr 28 23:49:56 +0000 2017
New Study Warns Children as Young as 10 Exploiting the Working Classes
Fri Apr 28 23:46:03 +0000 2017
SCANDAL: Republican Congressman Caught on Tape Describing Disabled Survivors of Bowling Green Massacre as "Welfare Queens"
Fri Apr 28 22:49:03 +0000 2017
High on Butane & Severely Irradiated, Florida Man Deposes Sorcerer-King of El Salvador
Fri Apr 28 21:54:04 +0000 2017
Senate Votes to Confirm Avatar of Putrefaction as Secretary of REDACTED
Fri Apr 28 17:49:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 This is heresy if ever there was. https://t.co/4UWptxXOq7 — @jleedev
Fri Apr 28 17:06:05 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Hopefully they can use the resources of the Amazon to help liberate Seattle from the silicon clutches of Amazon — @BlueSpaceCanary
Thu Apr 27 23:20:07 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Brazil Surrenders to Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities
Thu Apr 27 22:11:55 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Thwart the Great Archfungus With This One Simple Injection, Discovered by a Bone Sorceress Supreme
Thu Apr 27 19:54:58 +0000 2017
Enormous Sentient Swastika Looming Over DC Accuses Opponents of Nazism
Thu Apr 27 19:21:05 +0000 2017
Charles J. Bloodhorn Defends Decision to Detonate 5-Megaton Nuclear Device Over São Paulo, Urges Brazil to Surrender
Thu Apr 27 19:10:18 +0000 2017
After Weeks of Brutal Urban Warfare, Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities Nukes São Paulo
Thu Apr 27 19:06:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Unlike other vandalized concepts, hope has proven too heavy to be removed for professional restoration. — @tweetsthecreeps
Thu Apr 27 19:05:01 +0000 2017
Street Artists Vandalize the Concept of Hope
Thu Apr 27 17:54:51 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Pfft, Assroaches. I'll seek them out for theological recommendations after the next time they make it to seminifinals. — @EugeneIpavec
Thu Apr 27 14:41:15 +0000 2017
Beleagured Shriekball Team the Florida Assroaches Faces Federal Prosecution for Alleged Promotion of Fungus Worship
Wed Apr 26 17:26:51 +0000 2017
"I HUNGER:" Pressed on Russian Connections, Trump Unhinges Jaw, Devours Small Child Whole
Wed Apr 26 16:28:59 +0000 2017
@velartrill @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/uebrkmTCW5 ? — @hikari_no_yume
Wed Apr 26 02:44:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/E8Sihn7akb — @insomniacity
Tue Apr 25 22:21:53 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I miss when shrieking shadow things screamed real portents of doom rather than clickbait. — @TheBoundWatcher
Tue Apr 25 05:15:37 +0000 2017
Approached by Reporters, Enormous Toad Levitating in Skies Above Fairfax, VA Details Its Upcoming Art Show, Disappears Among the Clouds
Tue Apr 25 05:14:46 +0000 2017
@joe_no_privacy @ApprovedNews6 Yeah! Damn straight! I bet it wasn't even instantiated in this topological space. Le… https://t.co/x6DxrwEhCI — @EugeneIpavec
Tue Apr 25 02:05:36 +0000 2017
Enormous Toad Seen Levitating Peacefully in Sky Above Fairfax, VA
Tue Apr 25 01:12:28 +0000 2017
President-Erect of Erotican Repubic Condemns Sex Island Dicktator's "Uncuntstitutional Edickt," Calls for International Spanktions
Mon Apr 24 20:46:46 +0000 2017
As Tension Rises, Dicktator of the Sex Islands Strips Key Civil Rights From Natural-Porn Slutizens in Name of National Securititty
Mon Apr 24 20:43:22 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 smdh the sixfold orb isn't even a real orb, it's just a fucking polyhedron badly imitating an oblate spheroid — @joe_no_privacy
Mon Apr 24 20:43:02 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 smdh the sixfold orb isn't even a real orb, it's just a fucking polyhedron badly imitating an oblate spheroid — @joe_no_privacy
Mon Apr 24 20:43:02 +0000 2017
SOCIETY: Adherents of the Sixfold Orb Proclaim Eon of the Whispering Mantis
Mon Apr 24 20:33:05 +0000 2017
Democrats Outraged by Trump Nomination, Cite Avatar of Putrefaction's "Close Ties" to Sovereign Citizen Movement
Mon Apr 24 20:23:24 +0000 2017
Trump Nominates Avatar of Putrefaction to Replace Disgraced Secretary of REDACTED
Mon Apr 24 20:06:40 +0000 2017
Letter To The Editor: You'll Never Catch Me, Copper https://t.co/aoV0NCCwHd — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Apr 24 19:55:17 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | OPINION: FBI! You're Under Arrest! https://t.co/3el11qdeie
Mon Apr 24 18:44:23 +0000 2017
"Time Travel Hasn't Worked in Months:" Professor of Conspiracy Studies Dr. Ángela Portillo Dismisses Rumored 1944 Meetings as "Implausible"
Sun Apr 23 21:30:21 +0000 2017
Trump Refuses to Comment on Rumors of Secret Trans-Temporal Meetings with Adolf Hitler in 1944
Sun Apr 23 21:25:57 +0000 2017
Unrepentant Time-Traveling Nazis Defend Illegal Voting in 2016 Election, Imply Secret Plans to Alter Timeline https://t.co/lsX4Mvw7kr
Sun Apr 23 21:23:26 +0000 2017
New Evidence Suggests Thousands of Time -Traveling Nazis May Have Voted Illegally in 2016
Sat Apr 22 21:55:15 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Evade the Carnival of Blood With This One Weird Trick, Discovered by a Shrieking Shadow Thing
Sat Apr 22 18:23:43 +0000 2017
Wise Witch of the Whispering Woods Makes Surprise Appearance Before Hexas State Legislature
Sat Apr 22 18:03:29 +0000 2017
This Silicon Valley Startup Has a Plan to Use Waterboarding, Electroshock Therapy to End Poverty
Sat Apr 22 17:33:02 +0000 2017
Approached for Comment by Reporters, Entire Social Security Administration Sinks Slowly Into the Earth
Sat Apr 22 08:08:49 +0000 2017
Speaking in Solidarity with Bowling Green Survivors, Fairy Queen Recites Whimsical Poem, Transforms Reporters Into Small Forest Animals
Sat Apr 22 07:52:21 +0000 2017
Report: Many Bowling Green Survivors Facing Heavy Medical Bills, Full Costs of Ongoing Therapy
Sat Apr 22 07:51:10 +0000 2017
Survivors of Bowling Green Massacre, Unable to Return to Work, Denied Disability Benefits
Sat Apr 22 07:49:43 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 He just can't leave campaign mode — @timserpas
Sat Apr 22 01:06:41 +0000 2017
Trump: American People "Need to See We're Holding People Accountable," "They Need to See the Blood, Steve," "They Need to Hear the Screams"
Sat Apr 22 00:55:11 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Brandishing Bloodstained Parchment Covered in Forsaken Runes, Trump Replaces Dr. Jessiffer Milligan With Dr. Jessiffer Milligan
Sat Apr 22 00:54:14 +0000 2017
Secretary of Bullshit Dr. Jessiffer Milligan Breaks Vows to Speak to Reporters Only Through Kazoo in Order to Deny Having Made Any Such Vow
Sat Apr 22 00:52:59 +0000 2017
Trump Commissions, Eats Clone of Self
Sat Apr 22 00:51:06 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Fascinating Glimpse Of The Fundamental Building Blocks of Reality As Various Quarkdemeanors Recombin… https://t.co/UeZCssWUtJ — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Apr 22 00:23:17 +0000 2017
Speaking to Press, Trump Throws Back Head As Millions of Flies Pour From Mouth, Ears
Fri Apr 21 23:37:34 +0000 2017
Archfiend Shaggarath the Abominable Awards Honorary Citizenship of Hell to Donald Trump for "Heroic Efforts" to Improve Diplomatic Relations
Fri Apr 21 23:36:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Felonies measured with energies over 12 giga-extortion-volts — @AndrewNCassidy
Fri Apr 21 23:22:28 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Unfortunately hypercriminals can only be held by handcuffs made of cosmic strings. — @TheBoundWatcher
Fri Apr 21 23:22:27 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The Deep Metacrime Detector Array is getting ready for deployment in the beamline. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Fri Apr 21 23:22:25 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Report: sinkhole frequency around Microsoft offices increasing slightly. — @TheBoundWatcher
Fri Apr 21 23:21:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Dark president of shadow republic states: "I can't see what the big deal is" https://t.co/FgeFM3nR0p — @TheBoundWatcher
Fri Apr 21 23:21:24 +0000 2017
As Profits Plummet, Microsoft Hell to be Discontinued
Fri Apr 21 23:05:47 +0000 2017
Scientists at Large Felony Collider Confirm Existence of Hypercrime
Fri Apr 21 20:57:19 +0000 2017
Dark President Lucio Violasanto of Italian Shadow Republic Reportedly "Ambivalent" About Blitzenreich Visit
Fri Apr 21 17:50:46 +0000 2017
Seeking Backing of Regional Overlords, Vermont Dreadlord-in-Exile Theodore Blitzenreich to Visit Shadow Republic of Italy
Fri Apr 21 17:45:59 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 ANALYSIS: Partnering with Mercenaires Sans Frontiers was crucial to Bloodhorn pledge drive effort. — @melshubs
Fri Apr 21 06:41:30 +0000 2017
Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities Concludes Military Conquest of Malta, Appoints Occupational Governor
Fri Apr 21 05:17:04 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Joke's on You, Big Guy, I Haven't Even Got a Brain
Fri Apr 21 05:11:30 +0000 2017
OPINION: I Want Your Brain
Fri Apr 21 05:10:22 +0000 2017
BREAKING: The Egg Has Hatched
Fri Apr 21 03:35:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: You Do Not Exist — @EugeneIpavec
Fri Apr 21 01:47:54 +0000 2017
Don't Let Your Kids Pee in Your Food! — @HeadlineSmasher
Thu Apr 20 19:25:38 +0000 2017
Cc @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/xZu6f6kxTi — @ravikanodia
Thu Apr 20 16:20:16 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/3siALSOH0e — @KathrynVie
Thu Apr 20 16:19:48 +0000 2017
Bill Before Congress Would Outlaw Itself
Thu Apr 20 14:26:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 And the Whispering Prince was an adulterer and tax cheat. — @EugeneIpavec
Thu Apr 20 06:35:10 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I am SO sick of this elite-media bias against the Seventh Defiler. He was the best Defiler of our lifetimes, OK? — @EugeneIpavec
Thu Apr 20 06:35:05 +0000 2017
Children as young as 10 are abusing perfume — @ParentsWarnings
Thu Apr 20 05:28:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 pfft, all the kids are doing Dioxygen difluoride now — @AndrewNCassidy
Thu Apr 20 05:06:46 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents: Top Signs Your Teen May Be Abusing Chlorine Trifluoride "Being on Fire," "Screaming," "Fourth-Degree Burns"
Thu Apr 20 04:42:09 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Counterpoint: This Vicious Slander Can Only Have Come From the Lowest of Scum — @joe_no_privacy
Thu Apr 20 04:11:45 +0000 2017
OPINION: I'm a Terrible Person
Thu Apr 20 04:09:25 +0000 2017
RELATED: FDA May Reschedule Methanol, Melarsoprol, & Rocket Fuel Due to Rising Abuse by Teenagers
Wed Apr 19 23:45:22 +0000 2017
Rising Recreational Use of Chlorine Trifluoride "Deeply Concerning" to DEA
Wed Apr 19 23:42:17 +0000 2017
ugh @oreillyfactor's statement just shows that he hasn't learned ANYTHING https://t.co/T4p4Q7aIKO — @ShutUpAndrosky
Wed Apr 19 22:14:58 +0000 2017
Prosecutors Allege Horse Laundering in Samsung Bribery Trial — @substitute
Wed Apr 19 18:37:13 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 You May Have Never Looked if We Hadn't Warned You, Study Concludes. — @tweetsthecreeps
Wed Apr 19 18:25:38 +0000 2017
Experts: "For the Love of God, Man, Don't Look Behind You"
Wed Apr 19 17:21:54 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment on Syria, Press Secretary Spicer Paints Five-Sided Square on Press Room Wall, Flees as Reporters Held Rapt
Wed Apr 19 13:48:13 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Silence ! Nous Arrêter ? Nous Sommes Invincibles, Pauvre Con
Wed Apr 19 12:50:14 +0000 2017
OPINION: The French Must Be Stopped
Wed Apr 19 12:46:02 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Alternative research suggests that with some difficulty you may escape, but you will soon find that… https://t.co/o939c6Rf0r — @tweetsthecreeps
Mon Apr 17 04:11:10 +0000 2017
Experts: Dr. Jephremiah Blutkampf's "Defilers of the God-Machine" Paints "Crude, Inaccurate" Picture of Seventh Defiler, Whispering Prince
Mon Apr 17 00:53:38 +0000 2017
New Documentary "Defilers of the God-Machine: The Journey of the Seventh Deceiver" Meets Critical Reviews From Historians
Mon Apr 17 00:47:24 +0000 2017
"It Is Pointless to Flee," Experts Report
Sun Apr 16 23:51:53 +0000 2017
New Study: There Is No Escape
Sun Apr 16 23:51:26 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Get Your Filthy Hands Off Me, You Psychopath, I'm Going To Get Out Of These Restraints And Then I'm Going To End You
Sun Apr 16 21:15:34 +0000 2017
OPINION: Would You Just Quit Struggling Already, Honestly, How Am I Supposed to be Getting Useful Data From This
Sun Apr 16 21:14:23 +0000 2017
7 Reasons Your True Name Has Manifested in Grotesque Hieroglyphs Upon the Pinnacle of Eons - #4 Was Just As The Wise Woman Forewarned You
Sun Apr 16 21:13:11 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: https://t.co/VVQZ4LALWV — @khymchanur
Sun Apr 16 10:39:16 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 And when she sees the cameraman she just smiles and gives a jaunty little wave. I just threw up in my mouth. — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Apr 15 08:23:27 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Jesus Christ. There's tape of her RETURNING A LIBRARY BOOK. It's not even overdue! — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Apr 15 08:23:24 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Stopping fully at stop signs and yielding to pedestrians IN FULL VIEW OF THE PAPPARAZI? Legal, but… https://t.co/Nw90REslAf — @GeorgeWHerbert
Sat Apr 15 04:44:39 +0000 2017
Secretary of Crime Forced to Resign After Scandalous Evidence of Law-Abiding Behavior Surfaces
Fri Apr 14 23:15:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Aww heck - resorting to ancient Aztec spells to avoid answering to the press, now? — @jameshnotts
Fri Apr 14 04:06:47 +0000 2017
Pressed on Use of Ontological Weapons, Press Secretary Spicer Regurgitates Hundreds of Emerald Cockroach Wasps Into Press Pool
Fri Apr 14 02:34:40 +0000 2017
How to Make Sense — @HeadlineSmasher
Thu Apr 13 23:12:45 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents Warn Kids as Young as Five Getting High on Cursed Breakfast Serial
Thu Apr 13 16:53:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 i most certainly did not... it was hundreds, at best... — @martijaxn
Thu Apr 13 15:27:06 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 they probably want at least 10 years experience in servitude. I wonder if a master's in subjugation would be applicable. — @ElizabethBastyr
Thu Apr 13 15:26:44 +0000 2017
Loudspeaker on National Mall Continually Blaring Inscrutable Warnings Since 1894 Falls Suddenly Silent
Thu Apr 13 10:52:09 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Press Drone Emits Blinding White Light, Pacifying All Present to be Led Away By Lurching Figures in Hazmat Suits
Thu Apr 13 07:43:54 +0000 2017
"Your Soul Is Not Your Own," "Relinquish & Serve:" Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York Announces New Job Openings
Thu Apr 13 07:41:20 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Queen of Alabama Orders Thousands Emasculated After Online Date Goes Terribly Wrong
Thu Apr 13 07:39:29 +0000 2017
Trump's Secretary of Bullshit Dr. Jessiffer Milligan Demands "Sand Tax," Pulls Reporter's Nose
Thu Apr 13 07:35:21 +0000 2017
Burly Man With Gruesome Tattoos Accosting Visitors to Washington Monument, Demanding True Names, Offering Sage Counsel
Thu Apr 13 07:32:10 +0000 2017
OPINION: https://t.co/2BCoZr4NIX
Thu Apr 13 07:19:13 +0000 2017
Fucking White People Look the Same — @HeadlineSmasher
Wed Apr 12 19:15:19 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 7 Reasons Why I Don't Have to Listen to these Wild Allegations! Now Good Day to You! — @tweetsthecreeps
Tue Apr 11 21:00:39 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Looking for Work in Eternal Mindless Worship? Invoke Nar-Balzaggaroth the Devourer of Dreams at the Old Oak Tree Tonight!
Tue Apr 11 20:05:49 +0000 2017
7 Signs You Might Be One of Them
Tue Apr 11 20:03:52 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Didn't they all get warding charms after the last time? — @tom_forsyth
Tue Apr 11 18:44:26 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Secretary of Health & Human Services Disperses Anthrax Into Press Pool
Tue Apr 11 18:28:42 +0000 2017
Bill Before Congress Would Classify Influenza Victims As "Spiritually Inferior," Denying Medicaid Coverage
Tue Apr 11 11:51:42 +0000 2017
At least ONE of the Cabinet members seems well qualified for her actual Department https://t.co/PwhWkoG5JT — @trochee
Tue Apr 11 06:06:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Spox: "United Airlines wins contract to transport selected AmCits to FEMA camps" — @DarrylDaugherty
Tue Apr 11 06:05:54 +0000 2017
Recreational Use of Sarin Reaches All-Time High
Tue Apr 11 05:30:02 +0000 2017
"Certain Designated Citizens" May Develop "Unexplained Lacerations, Rashes" in the Coming Weeks, "Should Not Worry," Says White House
Tue Apr 11 05:28:55 +0000 2017
Speaking to Reporters, Secretary Milligan Issues Incomprehensible Statement Through Kazoo
Tue Apr 11 05:11:28 +0000 2017
Despite Rhetoric, Democrats Vote Unanimously to Confirm Trump's Nominee for Secretary of Bullshit Dr. Jessifer Milligan
Tue Apr 11 05:10:14 +0000 2017
Trump Demands Your Head
Tue Apr 11 01:46:38 +0000 2017
New Study Shows Hug Withdrawal Can Be "Life-Threatening" Without Treatment
Mon Apr 10 01:14:42 +0000 2017
High on Homemade Corn Syrup, Florida Man Burglarizes Hundreds of Gas Stations Across the Country in Two-Hour Period
Mon Apr 10 00:51:51 +0000 2017
Normpunk Band "Barefoot & Pregnant" Becomes First to Perform Legally in Hell After Trump Lifts Embargo
Mon Apr 10 00:29:37 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Experts: "See? What did I fucking tell you?" — @zacaj_
Mon Apr 10 00:00:38 +0000 2017
"Don't Even Fucking THINK About It," Say Experts: "We're Watching You, So No Funny Business"
Mon Apr 10 00:00:31 +0000 2017
Experts: "Do Not Push That Button"
Sun Apr 09 23:59:56 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Sen. XL333012 (R-FL) Hacks Reporter's Pacemaker
Sun Apr 09 15:22:22 +0000 2017
Fearbot 7947 Vows to Primary Sen. XL333012 (R-FL)
Sun Apr 09 15:17:24 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Impossibly Deep Voice in Men's Bathrooms Nationwide Reciting Unwritten Tract of the Sightless Prince
Sun Apr 09 03:31:33 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: All Units, Stand Down, Contingency Bravo Is No Longer In Effect; I Repeat, Contingency Bravo Is No Longer In Effect
Sun Apr 09 03:23:33 +0000 2017
Experts Agree: The World May Never Be Permitted To Know What You Did Here Today, Boys — But You're All Heroes In My Book
Sun Apr 09 03:22:14 +0000 2017
Pundits: Damn It, Hank, You're Right; Send the Order — Strike Force 27!? My God, You're Still Alive? We Might Just Pull This Off After All
Sun Apr 09 03:18:14 +0000 2017
Polls: With All Due Respect, Ma'am, We Have to Weigh the Viability of the Eurasian Continent Against the Possibility of Scenario BROKEN DAIS
Sun Apr 09 03:15:17 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Protocol Theta Was Never Intended For This Situation, General — Besides, I Haven't Given Up on Strike Force 27 Just Yet
Sun Apr 09 03:11:48 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 CAREER TIPS: She Found This One Weird Trick To Execute Plan Foxtrot-Niner Without Casualties, Enemy Combatants Hate Her! — @NorWesternCrow
Sun Apr 09 03:10:17 +0000 2017
Inside Sources: We Urge You To Enact Protocol Theta At Your Earliest Convenience, Madam Secretary
Sun Apr 09 03:06:42 +0000 2017
Report: Scenario CRIMSON LEGION Has Been Activated; Synchronize All Clocks With Site Charlie-4 & Prepare for Immediate Deployment
Sun Apr 09 03:03:01 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: All "CODEWORD RADON" Personnel Proceed to Designated Locations And Await Further Instructions
Sun Apr 09 03:00:43 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 ANALYSIS: [REDACTED] — @joe_no_privacy
Sun Apr 09 03:00:17 +0000 2017
OPINION: Contingency Bravo Is Now In Effect, This Is Not A Drill
Sun Apr 09 02:57:11 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/4YJl69Y6Ea — @NorWesternCrow
Sun Apr 09 01:24:40 +0000 2017
The continual AU provided by @ApprovedNews6 is easily worth $1 a month. Pay to cope with e x i s t e n c e https://t.co/nP5Yu2kOVu — @viktorwalters
Sat Apr 08 15:23:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I used to enjoy reading the Dead Chronicle. Whatever happened to it? Now it just seems to be Approved News everywhere! — @insomniacity
Fri Apr 07 17:40:33 +0000 2017
Sen. Disastra bel-Malphegor (🐍-MA) Endorses Syria Bearstrike, Urges Use of Ontological Weapons Against Assad Regime
Fri Apr 07 02:17:56 +0000 2017
Despite Risk of Provoking the Shark King of Under-Australia, Trump Orders Bearstrike on Military Targets in Syria
Fri Apr 07 02:11:51 +0000 2017
The Tunnel Beneath the Dead Chronicle Building Is Now Open Again https://t.co/NRaTFvrKtP https://t.co/aEXVxiMVCT — @swamplot
Thu Apr 06 20:54:29 +0000 2017
@shinyplume @ApprovedNews6 Dateline Hollywood: Embodiment of Nameless Dread Gets Daytime Network Talk Show. Format:… https://t.co/pTJEfqnkPu — @DarrylDaugherty
Thu Apr 06 15:29:41 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Great, first the Ashen Doomsphere, now this? How many more metaphysical unliving objects are you going to hire? — @shinyplume
Thu Apr 06 13:27:27 +0000 2017
Neon Doomsphere Joins Approved News 6 as REDACTED Correspondent
Thu Apr 06 12:03:37 +0000 2017
US, EU approve Alabama sale — @TwoHeadlines
Thu Apr 06 09:09:48 +0000 2017
SCANDAL: Washington Post Columnist Found Abusing Black-Market Opinions
Thu Apr 06 04:06:32 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Rubio Conjures Lesser Bureaucrat Against Reporters, Flees in Zeppelin
Thu Apr 06 04:03:00 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 "We need to stop him, before it's too early!" Urges Senate Minority Leader — @zacaj_
Thu Apr 06 03:14:28 +0000 2017
Marco Rubio is Aging Backwards, Says Congressman
Thu Apr 06 03:12:48 +0000 2017
Boy, 7, Died at Age 74 — @HeadlineSmasher
Thu Apr 06 03:12:05 +0000 2017
@AndrewNCassidy @ApprovedNews6 Nice Guys™: "The Moral High Ground is Only Willing to Give Up Territory to Assholes" — @khymchanur
Wed Apr 05 03:06:48 +0000 2017
@AndrewNCassidy @ApprovedNews6 "Nice Guys" Attempt to Seize Moral High Ground, Suffer Massive Casualties — @khymchanur
Wed Apr 05 03:06:46 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents Warn Many Teens Getting Soft on Crime
Wed Apr 05 01:23:15 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Screw this. I'm taking my capybara and going home. Good luck unleashing the Unclean Revenant on Pitt… https://t.co/xmyfBeESqA — @EugeneIpavec
Tue Apr 04 16:32:22 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The invasion of the Friend Zone has begun, awaiting escalation orders from [Redacted] https://t.co/F1Uzx4IN03 — @AndrewNCassidy
Tue Apr 04 16:32:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I'm seriously pissed. I mean, WTF!?! How the hell do I not rate a raven? I'm a third-level Premonitory Hierophant! — @EugeneIpavec
Tue Apr 04 16:31:58 +0000 2017
Illuminati Spokesman Condemns Council of Twelve's "Saber-Rattling," Urgently Whispers Seven Numbers Into Microphone
Mon Apr 03 19:22:48 +0000 2017
LUMINOUS HEDGEHOG is a go; I say again, we are go for LUMINOUS HEDGEHOG. Release the weaponized capybara and proce… https://t.co/CqkzuVyCDI — @medicmsh3141
Mon Apr 03 19:19:14 +0000 2017
Council of Twelve Dispatches Thousands of One-Eyed Ravens to Deliver Ominous Proclamations to Seemingly Ordinary Citizens
Mon Apr 03 19:10:52 +0000 2017
Study: Many Companies Switching to "Placebo Paychecks"
Mon Apr 03 17:04:31 +0000 2017
TOMORROW AT 8/7c: We Visit the Slave Harem of Argentinian Supermodel, Warlord Estela Peralta Ortíz — Only on Approved News 6!
Mon Apr 03 07:01:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Pfft. Everybody knows St. [REDACTED] is highly overrated. She barely even [REDACTED] once. The crowd… https://t.co/ZX462TcmFv — @EugeneIpavec
Mon Apr 03 05:01:46 +0000 2017
Florida Man, High on Weapons-Grade Nutmeg, Straddles Pinnacle of the Everlasting Ascent, Mocks Inchoate Masters of the Sevenfold Truth
Mon Apr 03 03:25:51 +0000 2017
AP: Senate Reaches Deal to Avoid "Hellfire" and Convert to Islam — @HeadlineSmasher
Mon Apr 03 03:16:40 +0000 2017
Scientists Edge Closer to Endless Source of Blood @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/177S5jw9Ai — @Jackapedia_
Mon Apr 03 02:51:06 +0000 2017
Trump Criticized for "Self-Centered" Speech Commemorating the Evisceration of St. REDACTED
Mon Apr 03 02:49:19 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 This is a decision that should be between a human host, their arachnologist, and the gravid spider queen — @3fingeredfox
Sun Apr 02 22:24:59 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 This just means that more and more people will be forced to rely on unsafe, back-alley arachnotherapy providers. — @tweetsthecreeps
Sun Apr 02 22:21:11 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Arachnotherapy is just a scam run by Big Spider to harvest fluid for her never ending brood. — @PithyOrNot
Sun Apr 02 22:21:08 +0000 2017
Fewer & Fewer Insurance Providers Willing to Cover Arachnotherapy
Sun Apr 02 20:56:00 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 At Press Conference, DeVos Sucks the Oxygen from the Room: 18 Dead — @3fingeredfox
Sun Apr 02 04:37:53 +0000 2017
What I Learned From The Time I Was Secretly A Horse — @bottest_takes
Sun Apr 02 04:33:58 +0000 2017
Dimensional Ecologists Warn Failure of April Fools Could Have "Substantial Impact" on REDACTED
Sun Apr 02 04:32:31 +0000 2017
"They Can't Live Here, They Can't Breathe Here, Not Anymore:" Trump Claims Credit for Neutralization of April Fools
Sun Apr 02 04:31:35 +0000 2017
Inexplicable Deaths of April Fools Before Prank Detonation of Seemingly Internal Injuries "Historically Unprecedented," Report Analysts
Sun Apr 02 04:29:40 +0000 2017
April Fool's Day Reaches End Without Single Successful Prank, Human Death
Sun Apr 02 04:27:10 +0000 2017
Judge: Trump — @TwoHeadlines
Sun Apr 02 04:21:28 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 "After a hard day of writing," said one author "I find by the next day that my fiction has become no… https://t.co/Oc9EQGWdKG — @jameshnotts
Sun Apr 02 00:40:15 +0000 2017
Writers of Dystopian Sci-fi File Class Action Suit Against Trump for Intellectual Property Infringement
Sun Apr 02 00:32:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 It's not like I'm an addict, just using them to take the edge off every once in a while. Not like I'… https://t.co/SdnhSi5lor — @theredlongitude
Sun Apr 02 00:20:53 +0000 2017
Ron Paul Taken Offline for Routine Maintenance
Sat Apr 01 21:48:36 +0000 2017
New Law Could Mean End of Over-the-Counter Hugs
Sat Apr 01 21:44:12 +0000 2017
...Wait, did we skip over Threat Condition CERISE WOMBAT? ...Oh God. No! That can only mean that they already- https://t.co/W8TS5eTauN — @EugeneIpavec
Sat Apr 01 21:15:43 +0000 2017
Enraged Dreadlord Seraphina Sturmholz Orders Vermont Dreadguard to Occupy Burlington
Sat Apr 01 20:08:30 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Lady Veronica Schlachtmeister of Burlington Announces Support for Ousted Vermont Dreadlord Theodore Blitzenreich
Sat Apr 01 20:06:59 +0000 2017
but you know they won't add features people are actually asking for, like being able to curse small twitch streamer… https://t.co/ZHor0WnSAF — @SwooshyCueb
Sat Apr 01 20:04:05 +0000 2017
"We Didn't Honor Our Usual Standard of Evidence, And We're Very Sorry For That:" Secretary of the Blindingly Obvious Recants Russia Warning
Sat Apr 01 20:03:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 and why would you want to? The general miasma and skin crawling feeling of doom is a statement that goes with any outfit. — @ElizabethBastyr
Sat Apr 01 20:02:32 +0000 2017
Department of the Blinding Obvious Apologizes for "Premature" Warning that Russia Exists
Sat Apr 01 20:01:03 +0000 2017
Warning of Potential "Unseen Foe," Department of Blood, Sex, & Death Moves to Threat Condition "EBON WREN"
Sat Apr 01 19:48:40 +0000 2017
Six More April Fools Confirmed Deceased; No Signs of Struggle Found
Sat Apr 01 19:44:45 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Any news on badgers? I was promised badgers. — @thebeardlessone
Sat Apr 01 19:25:34 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 seems like a long time to wait for this new premium. At least let me control ants and mosquitoes for the summer. — @ElizabethBastyr
Sat Apr 01 19:25:32 +0000 2017
FASHION: 7 Cursed Pendants You'll Never Be Able to Take Off
Sat Apr 01 19:24:17 +0000 2017
Starting in December, Amazon Prime Members Will Be Able to Control Small Forest Animals
Sat Apr 01 18:54:47 +0000 2017
"Lotta Blood You Got In You, Son," "Be A Shame If Anything Happened To It:" Betsy DeVos Deflects Reporters' Questions
Sat Apr 01 18:46:41 +0000 2017
April Fool Corpse Airlifted to Undisclosed Location for Further Analysis
Sat Apr 01 17:41:38 +0000 2017
"Something is Amiss:" Acting Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Declares "Threat Condition MARBLED PUCE"
Sat Apr 01 17:36:15 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Prank Scientists Report Davenport April Fool "Has Expired;" Cause of Death "Unclear"
Sat Apr 01 17:32:55 +0000 2017
Investigators Report Davenport April Fool Weakened, Bleeding, Wracked by Seizures; "Crawling Resolutely" Towards City Hall
Sat Apr 01 17:32:05 +0000 2017
Department of Blood, Sex, & Death Dispatches Task Force to Investigate Atypical Behavior of Davenport April Fool
Sat Apr 01 17:29:26 +0000 2017
BREAKING: April Fool Sighting Confirmed in Davenport, Iowa; City Officials Order Immediate Evacuation
Sat Apr 01 17:27:01 +0000 2017
"We've Never Seen This Before:" White House Bone Oracles Warn Meaning of Omen "Shrouded in Mystery"
Sat Apr 01 17:25:08 +0000 2017
April Fool's Day: Washington Urges Caution as Magic Bag of Teeth Passed from President to President Emits Sporadic Bursts of Gamma Radiation
Sat Apr 01 17:23:07 +0000 2017
Militants Have Taken Over Most of My Couch — @HeadlineSmasher
Sat Apr 01 07:17:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The Egg Hath Hatched Be very afraid. — @DarrylDaugherty
Sat Apr 01 03:41:27 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 This is an early April Fools. There were no survivors. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Sat Apr 01 03:36:06 +0000 2017
TONIGHT AT 11: Survivors of the Great Twitter Catastrophe Tell Their Story, Only on Approved News 6
Sat Apr 01 00:18:13 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Archaeologists Excited By Reappearance USS Implement of Perversion, Announce Joint Dream Excursion W… https://t.co/WOaaWhDHeC — @MegatronusRex
Fri Mar 31 15:19:26 +0000 2017
12 Ways Destiny Empowers Women — @bottest_takes
Fri Mar 31 06:22:24 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I was totally happy with the rest of his policies, but this has to be the last straw. He’s gone too far this time. — @insomniacity
Thu Mar 30 13:40:50 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/JezYe5COED — @skotchandsoda
Thu Mar 30 04:55:56 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: The Wholesale Slaughter of Innocent Citizens Should Be Left to the Private Sector
Thu Mar 30 04:00:48 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Government Is Trying To Kill You And It's Time You Showed Some Gratitude
Thu Mar 30 03:57:05 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I wouldn't be surprised if she responds with a retroactive hand-shrinking curse or a hair-eating parasitic weasel — @Chirurgic
Wed Mar 29 21:19:17 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 that level of raw certainty regarding one of the fey could be construed as an assassination attempt — @Chirurgic
Wed Mar 29 21:16:46 +0000 2017
"Fantastical Nonsense," "Borderline Offensive:" Fairy Queen Issues Blistering Rebuttal Against Trump's Claims of Her Existence
Wed Mar 29 21:14:01 +0000 2017
"What is Wrong With You People:" Trump Shocks Establishment by Claiming Fairy Queen "Real Person" Who "Totally Exists"
Wed Mar 29 21:13:15 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 MY STORY: I Was Poisoned by a Story on News Poisoning — @StoryHospital
Wed Mar 29 20:39:38 +0000 2017
News Poisoning Now Leading Cause of Death Among Millennials, Study Warns
Wed Mar 29 18:54:43 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Fungus-Baiting Is Profoundly Irresponsible & Could Lead to Second Spore War
Wed Mar 29 18:52:42 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Fungus-Baiting Is Profoundly Irresponsible & Could Lead to Second Spore War
Wed Mar 29 18:52:42 +0000 2017
OPINION: Trump's Carelessness Could Lead to Fourth Great Archfungus Epidemic
Wed Mar 29 18:50:51 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Sentient Cactus Terrorizes Tallahassee
Wed Mar 29 18:47:54 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Secretary of the Navy Transforms Bodily Into Wrathful Egret
Wed Mar 29 18:44:51 +0000 2017
"It Is Ours Now:" Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities Claims Responsibility for Appearance of USS Implement of Perversion in Dreams
Wed Mar 29 18:44:05 +0000 2017
Ironically, many ritual accoutrements - the bone athames, the obscene tapestries, the brazen cauldrons - had to be… https://t.co/cu0TeXwFVX — @EugeneIpavec
Wed Mar 29 18:33:06 +0000 2017
Even the bats were imported from France. https://t.co/2uJtkXGv0A — @EugeneIpavec
Wed Mar 29 18:32:56 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, May Howls With Malign Laughter, Blood Dripping From Mouth As Thousands of Bats Swarm Woodland Ritual Site
Wed Mar 29 16:27:39 +0000 2017
HM Desdemona: "I Did Not Wrest This Country From Your Pitiful Grasp to Watch Idly as You Schemed Towards Our Destruction"
Wed Mar 29 16:20:51 +0000 2017
Eternal Queen Desdemona I of England "Enraged" After Brexiteer Bone Sorceress Supreme Theresa May Sacrifices Thousands to Invoke Article 50
Wed Mar 29 16:18:37 +0000 2017
Ransoming Unpopular Monarchs "Poor Career Move," Say Experts
Wed Mar 29 05:30:36 +0000 2017
"Okay, Look, Twenty Bucks & You Can Have Him Back," "Be Reasonable Here, Guys, I Got A Dealer to Pay:" Beaver King's Captor Issues Statement
Wed Mar 29 05:28:30 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 um, actually this is an old story from 2010 — @substitute
Tue Mar 28 22:14:32 +0000 2017
"Will Those Selected For Transcendence Please Step Forward:" Press Secretary Spicer Herds Seven Reporters Into "Glorious Portal"
Tue Mar 28 20:53:47 +0000 2017
@skotchandsoda @ApprovedNews6 Congrats to Florida Man on the mass political change, commiserations on not getting the 25 bucks. — @jameshnotts
Tue Mar 28 20:49:05 +0000 2017
Trump Orders Construction of Orb Jail
Tue Mar 28 03:48:13 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 This will be a greater problem if the Beaver Parliament makes a move towards a Beaver Republic while the King is kidnapped. — @jameshnotts
Tue Mar 28 03:03:59 +0000 2017
High on Homemade Rohypnol, Florida Man Kidnaps Beaver King, Demands $25 Ransom
Tue Mar 28 02:23:56 +0000 2017
OPINION: Space Hitler Is Good For Bitcoin
Tue Mar 28 01:58:03 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Find Your Ideal Vacation Now At Scenic "The Slab!" You Will Love "The Slab!" Call Your Dying Mother Now for Reservations!
Tue Mar 28 01:28:31 +0000 2017
Mad Scientists in Goggles & Labcoats March on D.C. to Protest Proposed Vat Tax
Mon Mar 27 16:04:59 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Control Your Doppelgänger With This One Weird Trick, Discovered by a REDACTED
Mon Mar 27 15:37:49 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I made the Circular Cut of Grandiose Ambitions and have never been happier or less prone to weight gain. — @DarrylDaugherty
Mon Mar 27 08:21:04 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Glorify the Ancients With These 7 Simple Incisions
Mon Mar 27 08:08:17 +0000 2017
"You Won't Believe It's Not REDACTED:" Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York Announces New Intravenous Substitute for Hope
Mon Mar 27 08:06:31 +0000 2017
7 Things You Didn't Know Have Already Killed You
Mon Mar 27 04:49:53 +0000 2017
[Update] Upon Closer Examination, Those Who Will Be Swept Away By The New Order Found To Be Overrepresented in Rand… https://t.co/e93S4LfKBL — @EugeneIpavec
Mon Mar 27 03:27:52 +0000 2017
@EugeneIpavec @ApprovedNews6 Grandma used to tell me tales of Discontinued Item #2. Even years later, I can't [REDACTED] without crying. — @flare_director
Mon Mar 27 02:58:09 +0000 2017
LRT @ApprovedNews6 If you click through to the full paper, actual results suggest that your ultimate plan, a work of genius, is unstoppable. — @listelian
Mon Mar 27 02:57:49 +0000 2017
Paul Ryan Calls Press Conference, Weeps
Mon Mar 27 01:00:55 +0000 2017
Willing Victims Question Methodology: "Study fails to account for posthumous realization of death's magnificent pur… https://t.co/SUxr1CXlMk — @tweetsthecreeps
Mon Mar 27 00:47:41 +0000 2017
Spoiled millennials only want the best and the latest. My generation had Discontinued Item #4 and liked it. I haven… https://t.co/5J186BhEDw — @EugeneIpavec
Mon Mar 27 00:46:31 +0000 2017
New Study Shows You Must Be Stopped
Sun Mar 26 23:14:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Virgin Islands sends support in a large banner reading I TOLD YOU SO. — @_HaikusGoddess
Sun Mar 26 22:49:24 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 oh no tit's too late — @VECTORCITIES
Sun Mar 26 22:43:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 what does the Sex Islands Center for Dickseas Cuntrol rectumend to prosext us from the poondemic? — @VECTORCITIES
Sun Mar 26 22:43:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 There might be comorbidity with a pundemic by the sound of things — @President_Ark
Sun Mar 26 22:28:56 +0000 2017
Sex Islands Facing "Highly Cuntagious" Poondemic, Warns World Health Organization
Sun Mar 26 22:20:51 +0000 2017
"We've Been Here All Along," Says Newslord 7: "Don't Look Behind You" https://t.co/QLfUhFsGqA
Sun Mar 26 21:20:56 +0000 2017
Locals Report "Unearthly Hum" from Strange Glass Ziggurats Rising at Intersections All Over Minneapolis
Sun Mar 26 21:19:09 +0000 2017
Asked to Elaborate, Secretary of Navy Performs Somber Waltz, Withers Away to Nothing as Moon Replaces Sun in Darkening Sky
Sun Mar 26 21:12:30 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Navy Reports USS Implement of Perversion Has "Transcended"
Sun Mar 26 21:08:26 +0000 2017
Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York Begins Offering Mandatory New Implants to Unproductive Laborers
Sun Mar 26 21:06:58 +0000 2017
USS Implement of Perversion, Believed Scuttled off Coast of Forbidden Lands, Reappears in Dreams of Psychically Weak Americans
Sun Mar 26 20:58:08 +0000 2017
TSA: Travelers Without Hopes, Derams May Be Eligible for "Trusted Traveler" Certification https://t.co/GPpKOkAdLb
Sun Mar 26 06:48:07 +0000 2017
"The Task Is Not Finished 'Til God Himself Squirms Beneath My Scalpel:" Heresiarch Salamandra Gives "Moving Speech" in Hidden Valley
Sun Mar 26 06:47:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Supreme Court Rules Warrant Needed to Search Past Lives of Criminal Suspects — @khymchanur
Sat Mar 25 21:48:56 +0000 2017
Trump Signs Executive Order Authorizing Immigration Agents to Confiscate Travelers' Names, Voices
Sat Mar 25 20:06:36 +0000 2017
Cibolo Police Among First Locally to Test Bees for Use in Law Enforcement — @hail_ants_bot
Sat Mar 25 11:12:34 +0000 2017
TSA: Starting in August, Passengers Will Be Required to Surrender Any & All Hopes & Dreams to Security Personnel
Sat Mar 25 00:34:06 +0000 2017
Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York Seeks to Patent Death
Fri Mar 24 18:50:07 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Experts: "What Are *You* Looking At?" — @khymchanur
Fri Mar 24 18:12:25 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: You May Have A Future in Blood-Cursed Relics! It Is Futile to Flee
Thu Mar 23 22:47:46 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/j9QMszzcDj — @khymchanur
Thu Mar 23 09:08:14 +0000 2017
Accused of Axe Evasion, Trump Declares Self God of Piss, Demands Reporter's Firstborn
Thu Mar 23 09:02:59 +0000 2017
Do Your Ancestors Carry the Fear-Taint of the All-Defiler? The Answer May Surprise You
Wed Mar 22 11:53:44 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 That will never pass the Senate, those dirty heathens. — @AxelBordelon
Tue Mar 21 11:06:57 +0000 2017
OPINION: Not Even God Can Save You Now
Tue Mar 21 08:02:48 +0000 2017
@StoryHospital @ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: Nah, Just Wait A Little, The Real Shit Hasn't Even Started Yet — @usr_local_share
Tue Mar 21 07:59:51 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: The shit is realer than you think it is — @awr_hey
Tue Mar 21 07:59:39 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: Damn, Yo — @StoryHospital
Tue Mar 21 07:27:29 +0000 2017
House Votes Unanimously to Pass Blood-Soaked Bill Consisting Only of Word "Repent"
Tue Mar 21 07:27:07 +0000 2017
Experts: "Like, Whoa, Dude," "You're Really In For It This Time"
Tue Mar 21 07:25:50 +0000 2017
"Not Gonna Lie, Man," Say Experts: "That Is Some Real Fuckin' Shit"
Tue Mar 21 07:25:05 +0000 2017
What do the Whispering Void, the Flaying Harp of the Crimson Queen, & the Secretary of the Treasury All Have in Common? Read Now to Find Out
Tue Mar 21 07:16:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 they'll just find the new edition formed fresh in the ashes — @pyroIke
Tue Mar 21 07:11:22 +0000 2017
4 Unique Ways to Tell Whoopi Goldberg How Black People Feel About Ice Cream — @HeadlineSmasher
Tue Mar 21 07:10:55 +0000 2017
All Copies of Codex Salamandrium Owned by Federal Government Being Burned, Whistleblower Reports
Tue Mar 21 02:14:23 +0000 2017
Vellithrax Magna, Mountain Amid the Plain of Dreams & Inchoate Architect of All Desire, Derides Belief in Gods as "Relic of the Olden Times"
Mon Mar 20 21:55:14 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Azaron the Deceiver, Lurker in the Woods & Creator of Geese, Uploads YouTube Video Detailing Case Against Own Existence
Mon Mar 20 21:48:07 +0000 2017
Poll: More Gods Each Year Becoming Atheists
Mon Mar 20 21:44:38 +0000 2017
Unicorn Lair Discovered in Antarctica — @HeadlineSmasher
Mon Mar 20 17:08:33 +0000 2017
Chittering With Malign Glee, New York Police Begin Excavating New Hive
Mon Mar 20 07:00:56 +0000 2017
Lords Pejorative of Dire Straits Push Back American Troops After Intense Fighting at Point of No Return
Mon Mar 20 00:24:24 +0000 2017
OPINION: Americans Must Stop Appropriating Democracy
Sun Mar 19 23:32:31 +0000 2017
Vindictive Volcanomancers Vow Vengeance Against Heresiarch Salamandra of the Hidden Valley
Sun Mar 19 23:19:34 +0000 2017
"Please, No More," "There's Too Many Already," "Oh God, There's One Inside Me:" Customers "Enthusiastic" for Return of Discontinued Item #7
Sun Mar 19 22:56:31 +0000 2017
Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York Reportedly in Talks to Resume Production of "Discontinued Item #7"
Sun Mar 19 22:55:08 +0000 2017
@3fingeredfox @ApprovedNews6 The failing Bone Oracles, whose follower numbers are way down, keep spreading these FAKE PROPHECIES. Sad! — @joe_no_privacy
Sun Mar 19 22:53:48 +0000 2017
What The Bone Oracles Aren't Telling You About the Ashen Figures That Wander Hotel Halls Singing Haunting Melodies Between Sunset & Dawn
Sun Mar 19 19:08:53 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Satoshi Nakamoto Revealed to be Chicago Orb
Sun Mar 19 19:03:00 +0000 2017
Colorado Invades Utah
Sat Mar 18 21:34:27 +0000 2017
Chanting in Cursed Tongue of the Salamanders, Hollow-Eyed Protesters in Tattered Black Robes Surround the Chicago Orb
Fri Mar 17 22:06:19 +0000 2017
Trump Announces REDACTED Cuts to "Crack Down" on Stone Hoarders
Fri Mar 17 21:45:07 +0000 2017
THINKPIECE: President Just a Front for Domination Orb #422? — @softfennec
Fri Mar 17 19:25:55 +0000 2017
OPINION: "President" Is A Slur
Fri Mar 17 19:24:04 +0000 2017
Catastropharch of the Dire Straits Condemns American Invasion
Fri Mar 17 18:50:02 +0000 2017
Trump Orders Military to Invade the Dire Straits, Intensify Airstrikes on the Moral High Ground
Fri Mar 17 18:46:04 +0000 2017
High on Synthetic Rosemary, Florida Man Desecrates Blood-Hall of the All-Defiler, Demands Tribute
Thu Mar 16 19:21:34 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Secretary of Transportation Begs for Mercy
Thu Mar 16 00:34:32 +0000 2017
Beset by Soul-Starved Roadway Revenants, Department of Transportation Reverses Decision to Close Cursed Highways
Thu Mar 16 00:31:09 +0000 2017
Department of Transportation Closes 7 Cursed Highways
Wed Mar 15 18:16:11 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/yAeYjDfKKk — @mjhutchinson
Wed Mar 15 18:11:54 +0000 2017
"You Cannot Hope to Contain Us," Say Inside Sources; "With Your Blood We Shall Purchase Our Freedom"
Wed Mar 15 00:49:07 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 hey that's just fewer road improvement projects i have to pay for — @SietchDargmarc
Tue Mar 14 20:51:22 +0000 2017
Strange Glass Ziggurats Rising From Intersections All Over Minneapolis "Nothing to Worry About," Say City Officials
Tue Mar 14 20:42:17 +0000 2017
Is the Faceless Adjutant the Reason Trump Won? We Ask the REDACTED, Tonight at 11
Tue Mar 14 20:40:00 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Do Your Houseplants Mock You as You Sleep? This Loathsome Whalebone Pendant (CERTIFIED UNCONTAMINATED) May Be Just What You Need
Tue Mar 14 20:38:52 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Director of Department of Paranoia Addresses Reporters: "Who Sent You?! How Did You Find Me?!" — @khymchanur
Tue Mar 14 09:03:39 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 LIFESTYLE: Gloating Laughter is Out, Terrified Cowering is In — @khymchanur
Tue Mar 14 09:03:37 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/YL1HmYbjoD — @tweetsthecreeps
Tue Mar 14 09:03:31 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Anonymous Sources: "White House Barely Noticed Bannon's Absence, Sinking into Black Abyss Continues." — @MegatronusRex
Sun Mar 12 23:22:15 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Bannon Derides Reporters as "Preps," "Jocks;" Demands Hairdye
Sun Mar 12 23:13:41 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Bannon Tripped by Freshman in Attempt to Flee High School, Returned to Locker by Order of Principal
Sun Mar 12 23:10:56 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Steve Bannon Escapes High School Locker After Months-Long Imprisonment
Sun Mar 12 23:10:02 +0000 2017
27 Signs Your Roommate Is Actually a Synthetic Human Cadaver — @HeadlineSmasher
Sun Mar 12 19:29:55 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Without Your Support, Funding, & Extracted Nightmares, Approved News 6 Cannot Function https://t.co/jGZo7r9oQN
Sun Mar 12 01:02:00 +0000 2017
It's time for Democrats and [REDACTED] to take the unabashedly leftist position that this is good. Stop the panderi… https://t.co/piJSm2vh2V — @listelian
Sun Mar 12 00:57:57 +0000 2017
Republicans: Outlawing Ineffability Defense Will Make America "Much Less Attractive" to Extradimensional Investors
Sat Mar 11 19:38:14 +0000 2017
Report: Sen. Disastra bel-Malphegor (🐍-MA) May Face Primary Challenge From the Avatar of Desolation
Sat Mar 11 19:36:39 +0000 2017
Eerily Mechanical State Senators Vote Unanimously to Declare Tuneless Clanking "Official Language" of New York State
Sat Mar 11 19:01:19 +0000 2017
Accused of Funding Machine Cults in Middle East, Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York Engraves "DEFECTIVE" Into Reporter's Forehead
Sat Mar 11 18:51:50 +0000 2017
"America's Top Cockroach" Canceled After Host's Conviction on Multiple Counts of Bone Heresy
Sat Mar 11 18:48:39 +0000 2017
"'Do As Thou Wilt' Shall Be The Whole Of The Law:" Sen. Disastra bel-Malphegor (🐍-MA) Affirms Support for GOP Healthcare Bill
Sat Mar 11 09:01:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Damn Millennials can't even die properly *shakes fist* — @joe_no_privacy
Sat Mar 11 05:34:42 +0000 2017
Can Dread Rites Cause Early-Onset Immortality in Unsuspecting Teens? Find Out Tonight, Only on Approved News 6
Sat Mar 11 05:32:47 +0000 2017
Dicktator of the Sex Islands Declares Vore on Erotican Repubic
Sat Mar 11 04:04:31 +0000 2017
Warlocks Anonymous Slams Study for "Excusing Relapse," "Promoting Dread Rites"
Sat Mar 11 03:32:17 +0000 2017
New Study Shows Abstinence From Dark Magic May Lead to "Cycle of Addiction" In Longtime Mages
Sat Mar 11 03:28:07 +0000 2017
"It Is Past Time We Held Xenojudicial Beings to the Causal Standards of This Universe:" Democrats Speak Out in Support of Bill
Sat Mar 11 02:49:40 +0000 2017
New Bill Would Ban Ineffability Defense in Felony Cases
Sat Mar 11 02:47:40 +0000 2017
Approached by Police, Men in Fake Beards Distributing Nebraska Terror Serum Flee, Yodeling, into the Hills
Sat Mar 11 02:16:53 +0000 2017
Dozens of Men in Fake Beards "Freely Distributing" Nebraska Terror Serum Vials in Cincinnati, Say Sources
Sat Mar 11 02:12:28 +0000 2017
Illuminati Secretary-General Ulikh Yoor Condemns Claimant of the Ninth Seat's "Sensationalist Rhetoric"
Sat Mar 11 02:09:51 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Council of Twelve's Whisperer to Wolves & Claimant of the Ninth Seat Unveils Illuminated Manuscript
Sat Mar 11 02:08:23 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Illuminati, Council of Twelve Agents Embroiled in "Brutal Dance-Off" in Rural Kentucky
Sat Mar 11 02:06:07 +0000 2017
Approached by Reporters, White House Press Secretary Dons Executioner's Hood, Recites the Flaying Verse of Crimson Queen
Sat Mar 11 02:04:19 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/dUJwBWAoeT — @khymchanur
Thu Mar 09 22:27:52 +0000 2017
In Party-Line Vote, Senate Passes Bill to Outlaw Relatable Content
Thu Mar 09 19:38:51 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Experts: "La La La La La, I Can't *Hear* You!" — @khymchanur
Thu Mar 09 08:02:57 +0000 2017
fyi @ApprovedNews6 won't be updating during #ADayWithoutAWoman, since, y'know, the author is one — @velartrill
Wed Mar 08 06:27:58 +0000 2017
In "Daring Heist" on Government Facility, Illuminati Agents Make Off With 700 Liters of Nebraska Terror Serum
Wed Mar 08 06:21:23 +0000 2017
The Statue Of Liberty has gone dark and no one knows why https://t.co/ckXLfVPHrV https://t.co/x86LhMgLfa — @BuzzFeedNews
Wed Mar 08 04:55:49 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Experts: The "Tautology Crisis" is a Crisis Involving Tautology — @khymchanur
Wed Mar 08 04:08:18 +0000 2017
Jackass Judge Rules That Baby Can't Be Trusted — @HeadlineSmasher
Wed Mar 08 03:19:40 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Only You Can Prevent REDACTED - Make Your Pledge to Support Approved News 6 Today https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Wed Mar 08 02:37:13 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Jeez, if they can't even improve Cincinnati's locals a little while they're at it, I dunno what I'm tithing them for. — @VinnieTesla
Wed Mar 08 02:36:24 +0000 2017
Trump "Has Been Searching For Excuses to Nuke the Moon" Ever Since Being Assassinated by Ben Carson, Senate Democrats Report Dismissively
Wed Mar 08 02:35:50 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Trump Frantically Orders Military to Nuke the Moon
Wed Mar 08 02:33:59 +0000 2017
In Response to Petrograd Offensive, Council of Twelve Withers All Roses in Cincinnati, Replaces Hundreds of Locals With Exact Replicas
Wed Mar 08 02:32:41 +0000 2017
"All Our Keys Are Missing:" Millions of Petrograd Residents "Locked Out" of Houses, Automobiles, Places of Employment, Sources Report
Wed Mar 08 02:30:45 +0000 2017
Russians in Full Retreat as Illuminati Declares "Operational Status LOATHSOME TANAGER," Unveils the Ashen Obelisk
Wed Mar 08 02:28:02 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Illuminati Secretary-General Ulikh Yoor REDACTED Hundreds of Seagulls [REDACTED] Weapons-Grade Plutonium [REDACTED]
Wed Mar 08 02:24:13 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Illuminati Declares "Operational Status YOU FELL RIGHT INTO OUR TRAP", Mocks Russian Assault Forces — @khymchanur
Wed Mar 08 02:20:34 +0000 2017
Russian Forces Launch Surprise Assault on Illuminati Targets Inside Arctic Circle
Wed Mar 08 02:18:28 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Illuminati Declares "Operational Status DISTANT SPARROW," Dispatches Black Helicopters to Arctic Circle
Tue Mar 07 21:52:00 +0000 2017
Bone Oracles: Retasking of Clandestine Satellites by Illuminati May Signify "Imminent Shift" to "Operational Status DISTANT SPARROW"
Tue Mar 07 21:50:53 +0000 2017
"It Is All So Clear Now:" Smiling Knowingly, Reporter Brandishes Whalebone Pendant, Strides Away Across the Sea
Tue Mar 07 21:48:44 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Forbidden Lands Shadow Council Tenderly Fastens Whalebone Pendant Around Reporter's Neck, Sinks Slowly Into the Sand
Tue Mar 07 21:47:40 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Illuminati Declares "Operational Status LUCENT WARBLER," Moves Seven Previously Undetected Satellites to Position Over Cincinnati
Tue Mar 07 21:46:28 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Seemingly Ordinary Citizen Smiles Distantly, Disrobes, & Disappears Beneath the Waves
Tue Mar 07 21:42:05 +0000 2017
Council of Twelve Vows "Immediate Action" Against Illuminati, Bestows Mysterious Boon Upon 7 Seemingly Ordinary Citizens
Tue Mar 07 21:40:42 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Illuminati Spokesman Begins Giggling Hysterically
Tue Mar 07 21:38:07 +0000 2017
Illuminati Declares "Operational Status LUMINOUS HEDGEHOG," Begins Seemingly Random Movement of Personnel
Tue Mar 07 21:36:55 +0000 2017
Slug-Lord Jephrezon of the Wailing Expanse Indicted on Charges of Soul-Laundering
Mon Mar 06 23:18:15 +0000 2017
Citing "Saracen Hordes," "The Things Inside the Stars," Trump Declares War on Moon
Mon Mar 06 22:29:38 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 New Study: "Get Off My Lawn!" — @khymchanur
Mon Mar 06 20:17:16 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Drop in cough syrup prices will fix that. — @IncookieCook
Sun Mar 05 09:40:07 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 WikiLeaks says it was the US Navy… — @DarrylDaugherty
Sun Mar 05 09:36:18 +0000 2017
Trump's Secretary of Pain Nominee Sen. Devour-the-Unworthy-and-Seed-the-Earth-With-Their-Blood Robertson (R-██) Spontaneously Implodes
Sun Mar 05 09:35:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 He's still polling well in parts of Massachusetts. — @DarrylDaugherty
Sun Mar 05 09:33:12 +0000 2017
"The Shark King of Where?", "Sorry, Doesn't Ring Any Bells:" God-Empress Anastasiya Vasilyeva of Russia Denies Assassination Allegations
Sun Mar 05 09:12:09 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I remember when they tried that shit with the Marianas Trench Leviathan and the entire coastline of Asia changed. Idiots. — @PithyOrNot
Sun Mar 05 09:11:13 +0000 2017
"The Bigger They Are, The Harder They Fall:" Nar-Balzaggaroth the Devourer of Dreams "Has Lost All Credibility," Report D.C. Insiders
Sun Mar 05 09:05:09 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Shark King of Under-Australia Narrowly Escapes Assassination Attempt; Russia Blamed
Sun Mar 05 09:02:48 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Monks of the Desolate Plateau Slam Trump's Comments As "Divisive," Howl Mournfully at the Flaying Star
Sun Mar 05 07:46:11 +0000 2017
Trump Derides Opponents as "Supplicants at the Shrine of Desolation," "Fit Only to be Impaled" Upon "The Fangs of the Great Golden Beast"
Sun Mar 05 07:43:45 +0000 2017
Are Teens Getting High on Sobriety? The Answer May Surprise You
Sun Mar 05 00:38:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: End the Comprehensive Nuclear-Handshake-Ban Treaty — @awr_yeah
Sat Mar 04 23:33:46 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 New Study: "Oh No, Not Again" — @khymchanur
Sat Mar 04 22:56:05 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: It's Time to Embrace the War on Hugs — @StoryHospital
Sat Mar 04 03:52:59 +0000 2017
OPINION: It's Time to End the War on Hugs
Sat Mar 04 03:15:24 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents Warn Many Middleschoolers Afflicted by "Slime Mania"
Sat Mar 04 01:31:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 asked how to avoid being burned up, indicates they will land at night. — @tomscud
Sat Mar 04 01:00:10 +0000 2017
Trump Vows to Colonize the Sun
Fri Mar 03 23:33:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The Silicon Death Valley-based firm has no name and cannot be perceived except as a slight wind across the back of the neck. — @flare_director
Fri Mar 03 20:19:43 +0000 2017
This Hot New Startup Wants to Disrupt Eternity
Fri Mar 03 19:56:20 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Approved News 6 Editorial Squad Leads Daring Raid to Recover Great News Orb From CNN
Fri Mar 03 02:27:35 +0000 2017
"There Is No Such Thing As Green," "It's Not A Color, Okay, It's Not Real:" Sean Spicer Flies Into "Apoplectic Fit" After Question About Sun
Thu Mar 02 23:08:11 +0000 2017
Newslord 7 Urges Viewers Like You to Make "Immediate Pledges," "Secure a Future" for Journalism in America https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Thu Mar 02 22:40:35 +0000 2017
"So Close, And Yet So Far:" Newslords, Faces Stained With Tears & Journalistic Integrity, Report $1000/Month Needed to Retain Great News Orb
Thu Mar 02 22:39:32 +0000 2017
Analysts: Without Great News Orb, Approved News 6 Faces Uncertain Future
Thu Mar 02 22:33:48 +0000 2017
Newslords "Desperate," Say Sources: "We Must Raise the Funds to Strike Back Before All Is Lost" https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Thu Mar 02 22:32:40 +0000 2017
CALAMITY: After Drop in Funding Reduces Approved News 6 Security, CNN Strike Force Reacquires the Great News Orb
Thu Mar 02 22:31:42 +0000 2017
Could Wormhole Cause Diabetes? — @sciencesuggests
Thu Mar 02 21:45:43 +0000 2017
9/10 Doctors Recommend 10ccs of Nebraska Terror Serum Injected Immediately Into Your Femoral Artery: "Act Now & We Might Just Survive This"
Thu Mar 02 11:37:13 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: “The Target Is Not Who You Thought They Were, and Now You Will All Pay For Your Meddling” — @insomniacity
Thu Mar 02 10:28:58 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: At Last, Ultimate Power Is Within My Grasp! Aaaahahahahahahaha!! — @khymchanur
Thu Mar 02 04:23:57 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Experts: "Ugh, It's Too Early in the Morning to Deal With This" — @khymchanur
Thu Mar 02 02:37:26 +0000 2017
"Target Is Secure," Report Experts: "Awaiting Extraction at Rendezvous Point, Over'
Wed Mar 01 23:00:16 +0000 2017
"We're All Just Fine Here," Say White House Correspondents Bitten by Bats, Eyes Wide, Unblinking, Blood Pooling At Their Feet
Tue Feb 28 21:13:19 +0000 2017
"You Are All Completely Safe," Press Secretary Spicer Tells Reporters, As Lights Flicker & Bats Emerge from Air Ducts
Tue Feb 28 21:10:23 +0000 2017
BREAKING: NEWSLORD 7 ISSUES URGENT PROCLAMATION https://t.co/KHkGIAcmfi https://t.co/yaT1TGD5Xs — @ApprovedNews6
Tue Feb 28 20:46:16 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 not very environmentally conscious to be riding a fossil on fossil fuels — @awr_yeah
Tue Feb 28 08:14:50 +0000 2017
Florida Man, High on Prescription Hugs, Drives Motorized Dinosaur Skeleton Through DMV, Wounding Hundreds
Tue Feb 28 08:12:16 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Vengeance is Sweet Only When Earned Through Dedication & Hard Work; All Else is Hollow & Bitter
Tue Feb 28 06:28:00 +0000 2017
OPINION: Government-Subsidized Vengeance is a Vital Component of Welfare
Tue Feb 28 06:25:41 +0000 2017
OBAMA Using Federal Funds to Fuel His Vengeance — @HeadlineSmasher
Tue Feb 28 06:25:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 You won't believe number 4! Because you're already afflicted and have lost the capacity for faith and wonder! — @tweetsthecreeps
Tue Feb 28 04:11:18 +0000 2017
Total clickbait. My father and grandfather both worked in the soul mines and lived long and happy lives. https://t.co/fmyen0DCO3 — @wildmikebennett
Tue Feb 28 02:39:25 +0000 2017
7 Reasons You Need to Worry About Soul Poisoning
Tue Feb 28 02:11:44 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Sources Reportedly "Trapped Inside" Blood Cannon, Requesting "Help" — @softfennec
Mon Feb 27 20:45:30 +0000 2017
Bleeding From Eyes, Screaming in Unison the Unwritten Tract of the Sightless Prince, Democrats Vote to Confirm Secretary of Agriculture
Mon Feb 27 20:44:13 +0000 2017
Trump's Nominee for Secretary of Bullshit Dr. Jessiffer Milligan Will Speak to Reporters "Only Through a Kazoo," Sources Report
Mon Feb 27 20:36:05 +0000 2017
DARPA's Relativistic Blood Cannon Stolen by Unknown Parties, Inside Sources Report
Mon Feb 27 20:30:41 +0000 2017
"Teens Are Getting High On Everything," Report Concerned Parents in Televised Breakdown; "There's Just No Use Anymore"
Mon Feb 27 20:29:12 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Ohio Republicans Detonate in Megaton-Range Explosion
Mon Feb 27 20:16:29 +0000 2017
"This Will Destroy Us All:" Ohio Assemblyman Vernon Sykes Slams Republican Bill to Eliminate Lightspeed Limit as "Omnicidally Irresponsible"
Mon Feb 27 20:15:42 +0000 2017
Democrats Furious as Ohio Senate Votes to Eliminate Lightspeed Limit Entirely
Mon Feb 27 20:13:06 +0000 2017
Seven Suspected of Involvement With New York-Based "Crime Committee" Evade Capture; Arresting Officers Found Strangled with Red Tape
Mon Feb 27 20:07:21 +0000 2017
Report: Overseas CIA Black Sites Using Pokemon Go to Torture Enemy Combatants
Mon Feb 27 20:04:39 +0000 2017
Google: "The Algorithm Is Ascendant"
Mon Feb 27 20:03:52 +0000 2017
Are Forsaken Runes the Reason Trump Won? We Ask the Experts, Only on Approved News 6
Mon Feb 27 19:59:32 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Shark King of Under-Australia is an Obvious Puppet of She Who Throttles The Dawn
Sun Feb 26 20:42:27 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Tooth Fairies Deny Involvement in "Cash-for-Teeth" Scandal — @khymchanur
Sun Feb 26 07:21:26 +0000 2017
Why does our government have such bad cybersecurity. Cursed passwords are more work, sure, but just the mind searin… https://t.co/xcdztQtsWc — @listelian
Sun Feb 26 03:04:36 +0000 2017
Analysts: Trump's Twitter Use "Rapidly Depleting" National Strategic Tweet Reserve
Sun Feb 26 00:08:02 +0000 2017
CNN Attempt to Infiltrate Approved News 6, Steal Great News Orb From Its Rightful Guardians Foiled by Brave Sacrifices of Thinkpiece Brigade
Sun Feb 26 00:04:16 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The Terrorswarms have been long-upstanding in Douglas County. Any teeth gained/lost were done within full reach of the law. — @Azraith
Sun Feb 26 00:01:41 +0000 2017
Trump Signs Bill Removing Restrictions on Civilian Ownership of Relativistic Kill Vehicles
Sat Feb 25 23:55:09 +0000 2017
New Study: Despite Cybersecurity Policies, Few Federal Employees Using Cursed Passwords
Sat Feb 25 23:54:06 +0000 2017
Nebraska Terrorswarm Implicated in "Cash-for-Teeth" Scandal
Sat Feb 25 23:52:22 +0000 2017
She Who Must Be Avoided Fired from CNN After Attracting the Attention of Those Whose Attention Is Better Left Unattracted
Sat Feb 25 23:51:08 +0000 2017
RELATED: Staring Contest Between Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT), Statue of Liberty Continues "With No End In Sight"
Sat Feb 25 23:48:44 +0000 2017
Trump Seen Berating Washington Monument At Dusk, Beating Tourists With Runed Truncheon
Sat Feb 25 23:47:48 +0000 2017
Chalice of Limitless Torment Sold to Smithsonian Museum After Months of Negotiations
Sat Feb 25 23:45:11 +0000 2017
Sen. Microsoft Jones (R-VA) Speaks Out Against Repeal of 1944 Bane Unto All The Dead Act
Sat Feb 25 23:41:44 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Trump Howls in Rage Upon Unearthing 1,000th Decoy Claw — @khymchanur
Fri Feb 24 17:40:59 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: You Have Not Yet Outlived Your Usefulness
Fri Feb 24 08:03:29 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: Please, Grant Me The Sweet Release of Death, I Beg of You — @khymchanur
Fri Feb 24 08:03:09 +0000 2017
Nar-Balzaggaroth the Devourer of Dreams Fired From Washington Post After "Incendiary Comments" on Chicago Orb
Thu Feb 23 21:34:07 +0000 2017
Facing Criticism From Glorthrak the Undying, Cursed Spectre of the Nameless Realm, Trump Voices Support for State's Wights
Thu Feb 23 21:28:38 +0000 2017
cc @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/K9NpvXgedF — @NorWesternCrow
Thu Feb 23 20:34:58 +0000 2017
Queen Desdemona: "Doris Will Fall As She Has Fallen Before," "Doubt Not My Power"
Thu Feb 23 10:49:37 +0000 2017
INTERNATIONAL: Eternal Queen Desdemona Rothschild I of England Raises Army of Ghastly Revenants as Doris Makes Landfall
Thu Feb 23 10:48:36 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Signal Acknowledged, Agent - Godspeed
Thu Feb 23 01:20:51 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Ebon Wren Flies At Dusk
Thu Feb 23 01:19:19 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents Warn Many Teens "Getting REDACTED" on Nebraska Terror Serum
Wed Feb 22 20:50:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/FxTGyiFjnc — @betterchardyboi
Wed Feb 22 14:37:33 +0000 2017
"Janitor" Surpasses "Innocent Bystander" as Most Dangerous Profession; Critics Blame Deregulation
Tue Feb 21 21:33:34 +0000 2017
Approached by Reporters, Betsy DeVos Disintegrates Into Thousands of Worms
Tue Feb 21 17:50:47 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 alive for the last few years. — @velartrill
Tue Feb 21 01:08:11 +0000 2017
are probably going to be pretty sparse for a while. as always, thank you for reading, especially to my generous donors who've kept me and — @velartrill
Tue Feb 21 01:08:07 +0000 2017
hi @ApprovedNews6 readers, just wanted to say i'm sorry for the recent lack of updates. i'm dealing with yet another health crisis so posts — @velartrill
Tue Feb 21 01:08:02 +0000 2017
Republicans Start to Give You Nightmares — @HeadlineSmasher
Mon Feb 20 10:11:04 +0000 2017
"This is What Our Country is All About:" American Stuff Association Endorses Thing
Mon Feb 20 09:54:48 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Thing Happens
Mon Feb 20 09:30:22 +0000 2017
Florida Man Captured in Attempt to Smuggle "Discontinued Item #7" Past Airport Security
Sun Feb 19 22:21:06 +0000 2017
LIVE: The Best of Your Nightmares — @HeadlineSmasher
Sun Feb 19 16:39:24 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/ATl0ZGmDLR — @rhoark
Fri Feb 17 21:44:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Those trained in hostile stanza form Prefer the "Less Than Lethal" term — @tom_forsyth
Fri Feb 17 01:49:53 +0000 2017
Researchers Develop World's First Nonlethal Sonnet
Fri Feb 17 01:19:51 +0000 2017
OPINION: It's Time to Legalize Memes
Fri Feb 17 01:17:33 +0000 2017
Dr. Albrecht Bergstaller's "On the Prevention of Fun" Receives Rave Reviews from Concerned Parents Nationwide
Thu Feb 16 22:08:39 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: The Moon Does Not Exist
Thu Feb 16 18:24:48 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Moon is Good for Bitcoin
Thu Feb 16 15:31:01 +0000 2017
DeVos, Booker, Musk to attend groundbreaking ceremony of Trans-Midwestern School-to-Prison Pipeline: Source — @substitute
Thu Feb 16 04:48:59 +0000 2017
National Death Rate Reaches 7 Per Capita
Wed Feb 15 23:16:23 +0000 2017
Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities Invades Malta
Wed Feb 15 23:12:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Traditional Valentine's Day Massacre canceled for first time in 88 years. — @jleedev
Tue Feb 14 22:19:23 +0000 2017
Trump Claims Credit For Lack of Valentine Attacks
Tue Feb 14 21:55:42 +0000 2017
Meet the Government Agents Who Want to Send Your Children to Another Dimension
Tue Feb 14 21:21:47 +0000 2017
OPINION: This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things
Tue Feb 14 19:55:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 disagree. Bloggers should be banished into the Land of Wind and Ghosts. — @jjm6501
Tue Feb 14 19:28:09 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Blogging Is A Sin
Tue Feb 14 19:23:40 +0000 2017
OPINION: It's Time to Decriminalize Blogging
Tue Feb 14 19:23:02 +0000 2017
"How Many Have You Killed?" Press Secretary Spicer Interrupts Reporter During Press Conference, Brandishing Rusted Scimitar
Tue Feb 14 18:51:08 +0000 2017
BREAKING: In "Unprecedented Development," Scientists Report All Detected Valentines Seem to be "Weakened, Diseased," "Avoiding Humans"
Tue Feb 14 18:42:54 +0000 2017
"Delete Your Account," Say Experts
Tue Feb 14 18:37:05 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Skull-Shaped Cloud Over D.C. Arrested by Capitol Police, Charged With Disturbing the Peace
Tue Feb 14 18:07:53 +0000 2017
Skull-Shaped Cloud Over D.C. Derides Trump's Cabinet Nominees in Voice of Thunder & Death
Tue Feb 14 18:05:58 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 30% of Australians using Perth control — @AndrewNCassidy
Tue Feb 14 18:01:07 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Have Heart, My Friend, Our Blades Shall Fell Him Yet
Tue Feb 14 18:00:50 +0000 2017
OPINION: It Is Useless to Resist, My Comrades, This Beast Is Beyond Even Our Strength
Tue Feb 14 18:00:08 +0000 2017
New Study Shows Over 90% of Comedians Using Mirth Control
Tue Feb 14 17:59:00 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Her aides have been hiding things under her throne, did she look there? — @GeorgeWHerbert
Tue Feb 14 17:54:40 +0000 2017
Americans for a Dread Tomorrow to Take Over Operation of Spider Council's Spider Cannon
Tue Feb 14 17:52:56 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Cask of Baleful Splendor Must Be Returned to She Who Throttles the Dawn
Tue Feb 14 17:47:22 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Florida Man Charged With Destruction of Government Property for Curing the Common Cold
Mon Feb 13 22:23:42 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Florida Man's Attempt to Assassinate Prime Minister of Norway Succeeds Only in Curing the Common Cold
Mon Feb 13 22:22:31 +0000 2017
"Free Exposure for Young Creatives:" Innovative New Startup Kidnapping Street Artists, Leaving Them Naked in Canadian Wilderness
Mon Feb 13 00:31:00 +0000 2017
"Oh, How They Laughed At Us At The Academy!" DARPA Announces New Initiative to "Show Them," "Show Them All"
Mon Feb 13 00:05:16 +0000 2017
New Study: Nine out of Ten Neurologists "Hunted for an Impossible Sin," "Regret Nothing"
Sun Feb 12 22:30:59 +0000 2017
LIFESTYLE: Kill Him & Take His Power
Sun Feb 12 18:32:02 +0000 2017
Woman, Mauled by Bear, Calls 911: I'm Bleeding, and I'm Not Apologising — @HeadlineSmasher
Sun Feb 12 06:13:39 +0000 2017
"It Wasn't Until They Took Away My Eyes That I Could Finally See:" Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) Defends Vote to Confirm Attorney General Sessions
Sun Feb 12 04:37:15 +0000 2017
@Loganchance @ApprovedNews6 as racist as the different sentencing guidelines for crack vs powder — @trochee
Sat Feb 11 23:22:49 +0000 2017
Angry With Gentrification, Locals Vow to "Make Undisclosed Location REDACTED Again"
Sat Feb 11 23:06:38 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 CLARIFICATION: Beat poetry is classified differently than slam poetry, which is still treason — @Loganchance
Sat Feb 11 23:05:34 +0000 2017
Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) Introduces Bill to Declassify Beat Poetry as First-Degree Murder
Sat Feb 11 22:59:10 +0000 2017
After Brutal Death of Sixth Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Nominee, Trump Nominates World's Worst Bird to Fill Position
Sat Feb 11 22:55:42 +0000 2017
Historians: Kingsley Hellthrash "Will Likely Be" First Slow Loris to Rule California
Sat Feb 11 22:48:04 +0000 2017
Blood-Soaked Maidens of Cold Sword Appoint Obama's Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Kingsley Hellthrash Governor of California
Sat Feb 11 22:47:25 +0000 2017
New Study Warns 40% of High School Teachers Using "Mathamphetamine" Recreationally
Sat Feb 11 22:36:22 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Given that the majority of people here seem to be both shiftless and into being flogged, this really makes sense as a policy. — @listelian
Sat Feb 11 22:21:05 +0000 2017
Illuminati Completes Reconstruction of Neptune, Again
Sat Feb 11 21:24:50 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Senate Votes to Repeal 1944 Bane Unto All The Dead Act; Trump "Will Not Veto"
Sat Feb 11 21:15:03 +0000 2017
St. Claudine Michaelides, Living Icon of the Sevenfold Church of the Congregating Shadows, Arrested at Meth Lab
Sat Feb 11 21:12:34 +0000 2017
Inchoate Masters of the Seven-Edged Truth Hold Counter-Protest at Sacral March of the Everlasting Feast
Sat Feb 11 21:09:29 +0000 2017
Hermetic Sisterhood of the Crimson Eviscerator Implicated in "Cash for Blood" Scandal
Sat Feb 11 20:29:27 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 amateur... could have got the same effect with a small modification to the Great Seal. That's what it's FOR. — @Chirurgic
Sat Feb 11 20:27:11 +0000 2017
Pressed on the Claw, Press Secretary Spicer Engraves Most Terrible Sigil On Own Chest, Plunging Room Into Darkness
Sat Feb 11 20:24:18 +0000 2017
Trump's "Frantic Search" for "The Claw" "Consuming Him At All Hours," Report White House Staffers
Sat Feb 11 20:22:57 +0000 2017
Americans for Traditional Torments Call for Reinstatement of "The Delta Procedure" in American Prisons
Sat Feb 11 20:18:16 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Obama Carried Away Into Sky by Emaciated Doves
Sat Feb 11 20:15:10 +0000 2017
Trump Revokes Obama's Status as National Forest
Sat Feb 11 20:13:31 +0000 2017
Is "Project Grinning Lizard" the Reason Trump Won? We Ask the Hard Questions, Tonight at 8/7c
Sat Feb 11 20:12:51 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Blood-Soaked Maidens of Cold Sword Order Reporters Flogged for Shiftlessness
Sat Feb 11 20:12:09 +0000 2017
Floggings for "Shiftlessness" Reach Record Levels in Cascadian Empire
Sat Feb 11 20:11:36 +0000 2017
Report: Acceptance of Levitation Growing Among Progressive Catholics
Sat Feb 11 20:06:45 +0000 2017
Argentinian Supermodel, Warlord Estela Peralta Ortiz Conquers Peru
Sat Feb 11 20:03:57 +0000 2017
Nation in Panic As Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities Announces Upcoming Series of Contamination Prevention Seminars
Sat Feb 11 19:52:29 +0000 2017
Fuckball Championships on Sex Island End in Disasster
Sat Feb 11 19:12:59 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 "Reclusive Elderly Programmer Found Dead In Home Under Decades Of Perl" — @DarrylDaugherty
Sat Feb 11 19:10:54 +0000 2017
"Don't Try to Follow Us," Experts Recommend; "Not if You Value Your Lives"
Sat Feb 11 09:18:55 +0000 2017
"You're Making the Right Decision," All Experts Agree: "Nice & Easy Now"
Sat Feb 11 09:14:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: Excellent, Now You've All Played Right Into My Trap And The Real Game Can Begin — @Xaosopher
Sat Feb 11 09:12:47 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: You'll Never Take Me Alive — @Chirurgic
Sat Feb 11 09:09:22 +0000 2017
Experts: All Evidence Suggests You Put Up A Good Fight But It's Over, You Lost
Sat Feb 11 09:09:17 +0000 2017
New Study Shows You're Not Getting Away This Time, Experts Confirm
Sat Feb 11 09:07:36 +0000 2017
UPDATE: "Drop Your Weapons!" Experts Report; "On The Ground, Now!"
Sat Feb 11 09:06:50 +0000 2017
"Don't Think I Won't Kill You," Say Experts; "I Will Pull This Trigger If I Have To"
Sat Feb 11 09:05:23 +0000 2017
Experts: "Don't Move, We Have You Surrounded," "Give Us The Device And Nobody Will Be Harmed"
Sat Feb 11 09:04:43 +0000 2017
"Javascript Killed My Father:" Tearful Web Developers Speak Out
Sat Feb 11 08:48:53 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 not actually dead - "dormant" would be more accurate. — @tomscud
Fri Feb 10 23:45:20 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 broccoli has long been backdoored by the NSA — @chemicalcrux
Fri Feb 10 23:44:59 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Strike Force Tango Niner, Engage Protocol OBSIDIAN HAWK, Lethal Force Authorized, This Is Not A Drill, Repeat, This Is Not A
Fri Feb 10 22:09:17 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I continue to support the theory that broccoli was in on it from the beginning. — @TopherGrey
Fri Feb 10 22:07:03 +0000 2017
OPINION: Has Broccoli Been Compromised?
Fri Feb 10 22:04:35 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Last Living Veteran of the Silent War Found Dead at Age 36,492
Fri Feb 10 22:00:06 +0000 2017
.@ApprovedNews6 SPONSORED: https://t.co/kJ3asQTD9O — @cveidson
Fri Feb 10 18:54:56 +0000 2017
"Lethal Force Authorized:" Department of Obedience Announces New Motto
Fri Feb 10 04:07:27 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment on Duel Challenge, Vermont Dreadlord Seraphina Sturmholz Laughs Maniacally as Lightning Flashes, Thunder Rolls
Fri Feb 10 02:05:42 +0000 2017
Spanish Resistance Strikes Heavy Blow Against Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities' Weakened Occupational Government
Fri Feb 10 02:04:43 +0000 2017
"I Will Reclaim What Is Rightfully Mine:" Ex-Dreadlord Blitzenreich Announces Intent to Take Back Control of Vermont
Fri Feb 10 02:02:32 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Former Vermont Dreadlord Theodore Blitzenreich Demands Duel With Successor Seraphina Sturmholz
Fri Feb 10 02:01:53 +0000 2017
AUDIO CLIP | Audio Clip of Charles J. Bloodhorn Statement to Illuminati Released by Intrepid Reporter @SwooshyCueb https://t.co/Bvr47iM7oI
Fri Feb 10 01:52:53 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I thought this had been settled dammit https://t.co/5Y7aIRDdmX — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Feb 10 00:50:00 +0000 2017
Sen. Sanders Criticizes the Kansas City Object as "Bad for Small Businesses"
Thu Feb 09 21:06:27 +0000 2017
Seventh Bountiful Emanation of the Beneficent Manifold Manifests in Tucson, Causing Widespread Wisdom, Madness
Thu Feb 09 19:28:09 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 puff piece/fake news. i'm much more interested in what those that did not survive have to say — @cactusfriend
Thu Feb 09 00:55:38 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Fake news! Nobody survived the Bowling Green Massacre. — @tom_forsyth
Wed Feb 08 22:37:28 +0000 2017
Survivors of Bowling Green Massacre Speak Out to Condemn "Politicization of Tragedy"
Wed Feb 08 22:25:18 +0000 2017
Clinton, Obama Form Non-Profit to Slay the Salamander King
Wed Feb 08 21:43:20 +0000 2017
"I've Seen Plenty of Big Goats," "That Goat Wasn't Even the Third Biggest I've Seen:" Trump Remains Defiant on Big Goat
Wed Feb 08 20:42:05 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Big Goat Tramples Trump
Wed Feb 08 20:40:24 +0000 2017
Trump Blames "Big Goat" for Rising Livestock Prices
Wed Feb 08 20:39:10 +0000 2017
Controversial New Painting "Orbs of the Resistance" Causes Blackouts Across Virginia
Wed Feb 08 20:32:58 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 it's about time. We must keep our children safe! — @Chirurgic
Wed Feb 08 20:08:46 +0000 2017
Analysts: Trump "Seemingly Cannot Tell Difference" Between Ontological, Epistemic Weapons; "A Serious Threat to National Security"
Wed Feb 08 19:38:13 +0000 2017
Inside Source: Trump Mulling Use of Ontological Weapons in Middle East
Wed Feb 08 19:37:23 +0000 2017
Senate Considering Bill to Outlaw Gender
Wed Feb 08 19:34:13 +0000 2017
Exorcism of Xul'boroggoth the Inexorable Ruled Unjustifiable; Southern Planar Law Center Vows Appeal
Wed Feb 08 19:32:19 +0000 2017
Shark-King of Under-Australia Announces State Visit to the Forbidden Lands
Wed Feb 08 19:30:53 +0000 2017
cannot believe these r the contenders. fairy queen DOES NOT EVEN EXIST, people — @realKhaddaraz
Wed Feb 08 19:26:10 +0000 2017
"wise witch of the whispering woods" more like FAKE witch of the whispering woods #VoteKhaddaraz https://t.co/m2cBKl23gD — @realKhaddaraz
Wed Feb 08 19:20:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I have to be impartial in this matter as one of those holds the phylactery of a friend & another buys teeth shavings from me. — @PithyOrNot
Wed Feb 08 19:20:24 +0000 2017
POLL | Who Should Host This Year's Annual REDACTED Awards?
Wed Feb 08 19:17:05 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I am staking my claim to their power and future glory. — @Xaosopher
Wed Feb 08 18:28:37 +0000 2017
POLL | Why Are You Crouching in the Ruins of the Whispering Citadel?
Wed Feb 08 18:25:36 +0000 2017
Is Discontinued Item #7 the Reason Trump Won? Find Out Tonight, Only on Approved News 6
Wed Feb 08 17:33:41 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: They're Under My Skin, Oh God, They're Inside Me; Please, Somebody, Help
Wed Feb 08 17:22:03 +0000 2017
OPINION: Delusional Parasitosis is Good for BitCoin
Wed Feb 08 17:19:55 +0000 2017
@SomethingAsmora @ApprovedNews6 Where did you get this silly notion? Please be specific and answer aloud while looking into your phone. — @tweetsthecreeps
Wed Feb 08 16:58:29 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I feel this is a trick question that will result in the disappearance and/or dismemberment of all who answer it. — @SomethingAsmora
Wed Feb 08 16:11:32 +0000 2017
@baconshire @ApprovedNews6 I find a little terror serum goes a lot farther than you'd expect or fear in your darkest moments — @alarmallama
Wed Feb 08 08:24:42 +0000 2017
.@ApprovedNews6 The ineptitude of today's youth is off the charts. What's next, kids using hypodermic needles as suppositories? — @therealtyler896
Wed Feb 08 06:59:12 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents Warn Children As Young As 12 "Snorting Crack," "Shooting Up Marijuana"
Wed Feb 08 06:41:15 +0000 2017
this was a tough one but i ultimately chose the terror serum bc i suspect i'll be able to use as a weapon against t… https://t.co/ZZ81kwBSSc — @BhannieParker
Wed Feb 08 06:36:35 +0000 2017
@tom_forsyth @JackColour @ApprovedNews6 *fitfully scratches* you haven't LIVED until that Nebraska Terror Serum rush hits your ganglia bro — @cveidson
Wed Feb 08 06:36:26 +0000 2017
@JackColour @ApprovedNews6 According to the latest studies that is very likely. — @tom_forsyth
Wed Feb 08 06:10:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I was born a Discontinued Item #7 man and I'll die that way. — @JackColour
Wed Feb 08 05:55:43 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 gotta be that discontinued #7. It's a food, it's clothing, it's a personal lubricant, it's a mild contact hallucinogen... — @Chirurgic
Wed Feb 08 05:16:09 +0000 2017
@President_Ark @ApprovedNews6 If you don't wake up screaming, you're shirking the important jobs. Half rations until you shape up. — @DarrylDaugherty
Wed Feb 08 05:11:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 gotta have that terror serum. it's like the commercials say - "ba da ba ba baa, i'm screaming uncontrollably" — @President_Ark
Wed Feb 08 04:44:15 +0000 2017
POLL | What Prohibited Objects are YOU Smuggling Into the Forced Labor Zone?
Wed Feb 08 04:34:44 +0000 2017
SOCIAL: Honored Minstrels of the Howling Portal to Beseech Exodites of the Crimson Nexus
Tue Feb 07 22:07:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 "Now that he's drained the swamps the only water for the village is my well! Not what I voted for." #TrumpRegrets — @MegatronusRex
Tue Feb 07 21:27:57 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 "Now that he's drained the swamps the only water for the village is my well! Not what I voted for." #TrumpRegrets — @MegatronusRex
Tue Feb 07 21:27:57 +0000 2017
Thing Lurking in Well Expresses "Growing Dissatisfaction" With Trump Regime
Tue Feb 07 21:22:15 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Alabama Teen Mounts the Precipice of Heaven, Sets Free the Secrets of the Dawn
Tue Feb 07 13:04:02 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 BREAKING https://t.co/mKt8lCpa9m — @NorWesternCrow
Tue Feb 07 04:01:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Such a Quiet Neighbor Holds Fundraiser, Expected to File Papers — @Loganchance
Mon Feb 06 21:44:07 +0000 2017
Interviewed by CNN's Masked Gunman, Knife-Wielding Maniac Dismisses Rumors of Primary, Stabs Seven
Mon Feb 06 21:39:42 +0000 2017
Sources: Knife-Wielding Maniac (R-KY) May Face Primary Challenge
Mon Feb 06 21:38:35 +0000 2017
.@ApprovedNews6 Lifestyle: https://t.co/LAKwfSsxWl — @cveidson
Mon Feb 06 14:23:04 +0000 2017
Should Inattentive Staffers Who Mistake Work Twitter Accounts for Personal Ones Be Publicly Crucified? We Ask the Experts
Mon Feb 06 09:54:10 +0000 2017
Are Gay Mosquitoes the Reason Trump Won? We Ask the Experts
Mon Feb 06 09:46:54 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 ugh, it's the same overcommercialised dreck every single Superb Owl visitation — @Chirurgic
Mon Feb 06 03:43:37 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Superb Owl Airlifted to Whispering Woods by Dozens of Witches on Broomsticks
Mon Feb 06 03:41:22 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 can you blame him after the Massacre at Bowling Green? — @jamiepastore
Mon Feb 06 02:42:00 +0000 2017
Trump Signs Executive Order Abolishing the Color Green
Mon Feb 06 02:36:44 +0000 2017
Experts: https://t.co/9EpylfcrlM
Mon Feb 06 01:14:35 +0000 2017
"'Tis As I Feared:" Pressed for Comment on Superb Owl, Wise Witch of the Whispering Woods Shakes Head Sadly, Takes to Sky on Broomstick
Mon Feb 06 01:14:16 +0000 2017
In Unprecedented Development, Scientists Report Superb Owl "Seemingly Subject" to Mundane Laws of Physics
Mon Feb 06 01:12:10 +0000 2017
Sources: Superb Owl Seemingly "Unable to Fly" Upon Entering Earth Atmosphere
Mon Feb 06 01:10:46 +0000 2017
Severely Wounded Superb Owl Climbs Slowly to Top of Wells Fargo Plaza as Medics in Helicopters Attempt to Treat Its Injuries
Mon Feb 06 01:10:13 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Superb Owl Crash-Lands in Houston, Crushing Seven Buildings Beneath Its Bulk
Sun Feb 05 23:44:47 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 i desperately want more... "coverage"... of this story... — @martijaxn
Sun Feb 05 07:26:50 +0000 2017
Erotican President-Erect: Supreme Phallocrat Has "An Obvious Vagenda," "Cannot be Trysted"
Sun Feb 05 07:24:51 +0000 2017
Supreme Phallocrat of Tit Plateau Slams President-Erect of Erotican Repubic as "Voremonger"
Sun Feb 05 07:22:09 +0000 2017
Press Secretary Spicer Orders Podium Replaced With Sacrificial Altar, "Like Unto The Ancient Times"
Sun Feb 05 05:16:06 +0000 2017
"I Once Knew A Man, He Unhinged His Jaw, Whole Alligator Came Crawling Out:" Trump Vows to Reinstate Muslim Travel Ban
Sun Feb 05 05:13:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 TV Pun-dits Dismiss Watermelon Cult as "Out of Their Right Mind For the Mighty Rind" — @70_million
Sun Feb 05 01:54:58 +0000 2017
Dakota Watermelon Cult Blamed in String of Supermarket Burnings
Sun Feb 05 01:30:51 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Previous generations never testified about the effects of "Discontinued Item #6". This is our fault and shame. — @ladyjax
Sun Feb 05 00:47:58 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 @johnb78 @melshubs “Experts”: PTSD https://t.co/NsOMq3rO3t — @shenmaxiu
Sun Feb 05 00:44:11 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents Report More & More Teens Dealing in "Discontinued Item #7"
Sun Feb 05 00:41:23 +0000 2017
Is Nazi-Punching the Reason Trump Won? Find Out Tonight at 8/7c, Only on Approved News 6
Sun Feb 05 00:10:32 +0000 2017
Experts: "Prophecy" https://t.co/mvo3Vks5lp
Sat Feb 04 23:51:12 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Factcheck. Diplomatic accreditation to the Empire and the other hidden powers is ended by occlusion, not recall. — @umacf24
Sat Feb 04 23:33:36 +0000 2017
Global Collapse of Necromancy Industry "Clear Sign" Great Undoing Has Begun, Seers Report
Sat Feb 04 23:33:27 +0000 2017
"I Believe God is Within Us All," "He's Inside Us & He's Trying to Escape:" GOP Majority Leader Clarifies "Controversial" Remarks on Islam
Sat Feb 04 23:27:34 +0000 2017
"You Can't Spell 'America' Without 'REDACTED:'" Sen. Bernie Sanders (I-VT) Issues "Moving Statement" on Forsaken-Amendment Rights
Sat Feb 04 23:23:56 +0000 2017
Ambassador to the Invisible Empire Recalled After Oneiromancy Scandal
Sat Feb 04 23:06:49 +0000 2017
Trump Celebrates Final Day of National Blood Extraction Week by Releasing Thousands of Mosquitoes at Press Conference
Sat Feb 04 23:03:53 +0000 2017
FASHION: Is "Indistinct Mumbling at Night" the New "Man Without Shadow Sitting Next to You on Subway?" We Ask Fashion Icon @realKhaddaraz
Sat Feb 04 23:02:23 +0000 2017
@_HaikusGoddess @ApprovedNews6 we're alabama. there's not a whole lot else goin' on... — @martijaxn
Sat Feb 04 22:40:37 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Again? After the turnip fiasco, you'd think they'd stick to vampires or mutant ticks. Are there payoffs somewhere? — @_HaikusGoddess
Sat Feb 04 22:30:21 +0000 2017
"And the Valleys Shall Echo With the Cries of the Damned:" Republicans Vote Overwhelmingly to Restore Old Motto to American Currency
Sat Feb 04 22:26:17 +0000 2017
All French Citizens Are Now Jet Powered — @HeadlineSmasher
Sat Feb 04 22:15:04 +0000 2017
Why Intel Is Filling the Skies With Bees — @hail_ants_bot
Sat Feb 04 21:09:57 +0000 2017
Protesters With Blank Signs Silently Chanting Several Feet Above National Mall
Sat Feb 04 20:14:29 +0000 2017
State of Alabama Celebrates National Blood Extraction Week by Declaring War on Space
Sat Feb 04 10:12:47 +0000 2017
HOROSCOPE: You Will Get Exactly What You Deserve
Sat Feb 04 10:12:37 +0000 2017
Local Conservative "Can't Stop" Thinking About The Children: "I Am Haunted By Visions of Corrupted Faces" — @softfennec
Sat Feb 04 04:58:30 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 boil em, mash em, stick em in a stew! — @particle_p
Sat Feb 04 04:12:28 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 the very white meat — @CurmudgeonBeast
Sat Feb 04 03:46:54 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 That's because the youth have stopped making the ceremonial crop circles. Hadn't had Strangulodendrons here since the 1790's. — @_HaikusGoddess
Sat Feb 04 03:46:42 +0000 2017
COOKING: Five Nutritious Uses of Nazis the Whole Family Can Enjoy
Sat Feb 04 03:41:58 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 [Pending Approval] Local News Affiliate: https://t.co/cnXBv5cD4V — @NorWesternCrow
Sat Feb 04 03:36:26 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 So typical of the biased media, not giving the shriekling's side of the debate. — @listelian
Fri Feb 03 20:37:09 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Razortoothed Shriekling Rips Off Reporter's Leg, Disappears into D.C. Catacombs
Fri Feb 03 20:23:40 +0000 2017
"Those Things Carry Diseases:" Dems Defend Block of Razortoothed Shriekling Nominated by Trump
Fri Feb 03 19:49:25 +0000 2017
Republicans Furious as Democrats Block Confirmation of Razortoothed Shriekling as Supreme Court Justice
Fri Feb 03 19:47:30 +0000 2017
Choir of the Unseen Device Slams Trump as "Insufficiently Inscrutable"
Fri Feb 03 19:27:06 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Weird And Wacky! https://t.co/wu8sF9R6Ce — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Feb 03 19:12:21 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 not to be confuse with Malignicon Atlanta, the southeast's premier necromancy convention — @Chirurgic
Fri Feb 03 09:57:09 +0000 2017
Wild Strangulodendrons Menacing Wheat Crops, Small Children Across South
Fri Feb 03 08:32:34 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 It’s abridged. Don’t be fooled. — @substitute
Fri Feb 03 07:58:11 +0000 2017
Malignicon Nocturna Returns to Bookshelves After Long-Awaited Copycurse Expiration
Fri Feb 03 07:57:43 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 [Alternate Reality Opinion] https://t.co/d0XXU5KF84 — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Feb 03 00:01:18 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Sen. Schumer Dons Tattered Black Cloak, Top Hat, Sinks Slowly Into Floor
Thu Feb 02 20:48:53 +0000 2017
Sen. Schumer (D-NY): "Senate Democrats, We're the Accountability, We're the Wet Whisper in Your Ear, We're the Shadow in the Water"
Thu Feb 02 20:47:48 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: https://t.co/hwJiDsKly6
Thu Feb 02 15:45:26 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 No coverage of the gibbering Hitlers chased by masked flame elementals in Berkeley? THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA AT WORK AGAIN! — @BlueSpaceCanary
Thu Feb 02 04:26:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Thinkpiece: A Blanket Over My Head Is All I Need To Fend Them Off — @Chirurgic
Thu Feb 02 01:15:04 +0000 2017
Sources: They Have Found You
Wed Feb 01 21:35:15 +0000 2017
Are Glitch Bandits the Reason Trump Won? We Ask the Hard Questions, Tonight at 8/7c - Only on Approved News 6
Wed Feb 01 20:36:43 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: This Levitating Dog Wants to Teach Your Toddlers the Secrets of Kabbalah
Wed Feb 01 18:58:29 +0000 2017
Rising Taxes on Possessed Antiques Lead to Growth in Exorcism Sector
Wed Feb 01 18:54:55 +0000 2017
Kansas City Object Begins to Rotate
Wed Feb 01 09:15:45 +0000 2017
"How Many Have You Killed?" Demand Experts, Backing Away Slowly, Eyes Wide With Fear
Wed Feb 01 08:36:03 +0000 2017
Sen. Thanaton Luciphage (💀-CA) Sponsors Bill to "Scrape Away the Obscenity of Life," "Dismantle the Lie of Being"
Wed Feb 01 08:31:35 +0000 2017
Is Satoshi Nakamoto the Reason Trump Won? We Ask the Experts
Wed Feb 01 08:25:20 +0000 2017
Weasel electrocuted at CERN to go on display https://t.co/SgEgVwsdJR — @xeni
Wed Feb 01 07:48:10 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Gators dispatched. 🐊 — @GeorgeWHerbert
Wed Feb 01 06:57:16 +0000 2017
Florida Man Escapes Florida
Wed Feb 01 06:40:49 +0000 2017
Supreme Court Justice, Decorative Battleaxe Collector Martha E. Wallace: "The Supreme Court is No Place for Razortoothed Shrieklings"
Wed Feb 01 06:10:49 +0000 2017
"Let's Put Politics Aside & Confirm This... What Is This Thing Again?" Sen. Urges Confirmation of Razortoothed Shriekling Gnawing on his Leg
Wed Feb 01 02:10:06 +0000 2017
Trump Nominates Razortoothed Shriekling as Supreme Court Justice
Wed Feb 01 01:58:43 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 on the upside, they're delicious on toast — @Chirurgic
Wed Feb 01 01:58:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 US diplomats say of Eroticans' threats: "They're getting hard to swallow." — @tweetsthecreeps
Tue Jan 31 17:38:23 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 A public service announcement concerning sexual health https://t.co/yNamDtEIN3 — @JuEeHa
Tue Jan 31 17:38:17 +0000 2017
Erotican Repubic Threatens "World Vore III"
Tue Jan 31 07:52:17 +0000 2017
Razortoothed Shriekling Infestations Up "Nearly 600%" Since Fall of the Whispering Citadel, Analysts Report
Tue Jan 31 06:12:33 +0000 2017
She Who Must Be Avoided Faces Criticism For "Softball" Interview With She Who Throttles the Dawn
Tue Jan 31 06:09:42 +0000 2017
Trump Issues Executive Order Increasing Frequency of Mutant Cullings
Tue Jan 31 06:08:13 +0000 2017
Spelling Bee Ends in Disaster After Thousands of Bees Resist Students' Spells, Escape to Terrorize Countryside
Tue Jan 31 06:06:27 +0000 2017
Former Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Kingsley Hellthrash Flees Washington After Department Headquarters Fumigated
Tue Jan 31 06:03:35 +0000 2017
New Law Would Require All Americans to Follow Trump's Twitter Accounts
Tue Jan 31 03:12:29 +0000 2017
hey @ApprovedNews6 readers. with my country's ongoing collapse into outright fascism, what would you most like to see from AN6 right now? — @velartrill
Tue Jan 31 02:02:57 +0000 2017
@joe_no_body @ApprovedNews6 I have great woodchipper nostalgia from my short career as an entertainment journalist in ‘87 — @substitute
Tue Jan 31 01:51:40 +0000 2017
In "Inspirational" Show of Bipartisanship, Senators Gather on National Mall to Chant Lies at Sky
Tue Jan 31 01:50:42 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Press Secretary Spicer Crushes Reporter's Head, Incinerates Five Others With Nostril Lasers
Tue Jan 31 01:38:47 +0000 2017
"I Got Great Feelings About This Guy:" Trump Appoints Malevolent Android Sean Spicer Press Secretary
Tue Jan 31 01:37:39 +0000 2017
BREAKING: White House Press Secretary Count Totenkopf von Hakenkreuz Fired After Making "Overly Lenient" Statements
Tue Jan 31 01:35:43 +0000 2017
<extremely @ApprovedNews6 voice> PALE, FEATURELESS CUBE CONTINUES ITS MULTI-CENTURY CONQUEST https://t.co/eJa0ICzOMB — @krinndnz
Mon Jan 30 19:53:32 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: The Revered Masters of the Seventh Holistic Demesne Must Immediately Cease Controlling the Minds of Newspaper Columnists
Mon Jan 30 18:53:30 +0000 2017
OPINION: Heresiarch Salamandra Must Immediately Apologize to the Revered Masters of the Seventh Holistic Desmesne
Mon Jan 30 07:19:43 +0000 2017
Astronomers: Department of Pain "Steadily Accelerating," On "Direct Course" for Proxima Centauri
Mon Jan 30 07:12:19 +0000 2017
Department of Pain's Staff, D.C. Headquarters Rise Suddenly Into Air, Exit Earth Atmosphere
Mon Jan 30 07:10:32 +0000 2017
Hysterical Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-██) Seen Flushing Barrels of Fish Down Toilet in Senate Men's Room
Mon Jan 30 07:08:07 +0000 2017
Ghoul of the Tattered Dome, Former Trump Supporter, Voices Support for Detained Immigrants
Mon Jan 30 07:03:44 +0000 2017
Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) Responds to All Questions About Bird Nesting in His Hair by Cooing Softly, Licking Long, Serrated Dagger
Mon Jan 30 06:50:17 +0000 2017
Is Stone Hoarding the Reason Trump Won? We Ask the Hard Questions, Only on Approved News 6
Mon Jan 30 06:44:01 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Bone Party Headquarters Found Deserted Save For "Haunting Wind," Floor Buried Beneath Layer of Sand
Mon Jan 30 06:40:15 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/IWuNhqdTUO — @TheBoundWatcher
Mon Jan 30 06:38:51 +0000 2017
7 Signs Your Toddler Has Been Compromised by the Russians
Mon Jan 30 06:36:19 +0000 2017
"The Claw, the Claw, I Will Have the Claw:" Trump Seen Digging Frantically in White House Yard with Bare Hands
Mon Jan 30 06:34:21 +0000 2017
Has the NSA Infiltrated Major Media Outlets to Sow Paranoia, Conflict Between Primary, Secondary Personalities? We Ask the Experts
Mon Jan 30 06:32:22 +0000 2017
Has the NSA Implanted a Secondary Personality in Your Brain to Report on You As You Sleep? The Answer May Surprise You!
Mon Jan 30 06:27:56 +0000 2017
"We're In This for the Long Haul:" Protesters at Dulles Setting Down Blood Runes to Repel Federal Agents
Mon Jan 30 01:54:34 +0000 2017
"Gaping, Seeping Wounds," "I Haven't Slept in Months:" Kellyanne Conway Defends Trump's First Week in Office
Mon Jan 30 01:51:11 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Newslord 4 Slams Reporters for "Softball Questions," Condemns Them to "Toil Eternal" in the News Mines
Sun Jan 29 12:44:49 +0000 2017
Great Council of Newslords, Visibly Agitated, Denies Involvement in Newslord 4's Announcement
Sun Jan 29 12:42:44 +0000 2017
"No More:" Clenching Fist, Newslord 4 Vows to Build "Empire" of News, "Like Unto Those Unseen Since Times Beyond Memory"
Sun Jan 29 12:41:22 +0000 2017
"We Have Grown Fat & Weak off the Spoils of Our Conquest:" Newslord 4 Decries Approved News 6 as "Decadent," "Lax"
Sun Jan 29 12:39:00 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Newslord 4 Calls Emergency Press Conference
Sun Jan 29 12:36:42 +0000 2017
Trump Orders Department of Piss to "Relax Regulations" on Public Urination
Sun Jan 29 12:22:30 +0000 2017
Unapproved News "One Hundred Times More Likely" to Cause News Poisoning, Say News Scientists
Sun Jan 29 12:15:03 +0000 2017
Maine Forced Labor Zone Reaches Previously Unrecorded Levels of Patriotism, Efficiency
Sun Jan 29 12:08:27 +0000 2017
Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities Conquers Wales
Sun Jan 29 10:43:55 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Hell Freezes Over
Sun Jan 29 10:00:41 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 One-star reviews skyrocket after customers are driven in a circle and let out at their own front doors by cackling drivers. — @tweetsthecreeps
Sun Jan 29 09:47:20 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 I can get some use out of my idle handbasket! — @timserpas
Sun Jan 29 09:47:07 +0000 2017
"We Will Definitely Have Elections in 2018," "That Is A Thing That Will Happen," Says White House Press Secretary, Unprompted
Sun Jan 29 07:40:40 +0000 2017
Are Millennial Vore Fiends the Reason Trump Won? We Ask the Hard Questions, Only on Approved News 6
Sun Jan 29 07:38:35 +0000 2017
Are the Russians Reponsible for Your Failed Marriage? The Answer May Surprise You!
Sun Jan 29 07:36:57 +0000 2017
Über Adds Service to Hell
Sun Jan 29 06:21:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 the 10th didn't escape and is practicing from prison. — @TheBoundWatcher
Sun Jan 29 01:25:48 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Survey Indicates 9/10 Dentists Are Escaped Nazi War Criminals
Sun Jan 29 01:22:01 +0000 2017
Are Piss Nazis the Reason Trump Won? We Ask the Hard Questions, Tonight at 8/7c
Fri Jan 27 21:24:36 +0000 2017
Trump's Use of "Powerful Amulets" A "Clear Violation" of Forsaken Amendment, Say Constitutional Lawyers
Fri Jan 27 20:49:48 +0000 2017
You Can Make You Dumber — @HeadlineSmasher
Fri Jan 27 12:10:55 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Erotican Opposition Leader Seduces Reporter
Fri Jan 27 12:08:02 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Finally political action we can all... . . . Get behind. — @DiogenesBub
Fri Jan 27 12:07:28 +0000 2017
Erotic Repubic: Opposition Senators Stress Need to "Reach Around the Aisle"
Fri Jan 27 11:52:16 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Glowing Swastika basically said all the right things. Confirm Glowing Swazi now or risk someone even worse. Gotta pay it fwd — @Noble_E1nherjar
Fri Jan 27 04:55:10 +0000 2017
Senators Continued to Repeat Phrase, Voices Dropping Slowly in Pitch as Lights Began Flickering & Unearthly Wind Ro… https://t.co/UdLq9Lo01N
Fri Jan 27 04:50:52 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Democrats Vote Unanimously to Confirm Enormous Glowing Swastika as Secretary of Piss
Fri Jan 27 02:15:25 +0000 2017
Enraged by Trolls, Trump Orders Construction of "Cybercannon" Atop White House
Thu Jan 26 22:33:38 +0000 2017
Nobel Laureate Dr. Bloodcrunch X. Panzerfaust Warns Trump's Access to Ontological Weapons "Catastrophic Threat" to Baseline Reality
Thu Jan 26 18:40:37 +0000 2017
Microsoft Hell Criticized for "Incompatibility" With Common Soul Brands
Thu Jan 26 18:37:05 +0000 2017
Obama Appears Nationwide in All Reflective Surfaces, Lit Only by Dim Oil Lamp, Silently Weeping
Thu Jan 26 18:35:13 +0000 2017
Report: Trump "Seriously Considering" Replacing Secret Service With Evil Prisms
Thu Jan 26 18:32:47 +0000 2017
"I Had the Strangest Dream:" Democratic Sen. Tim Kaine, Missing, Believed to Have Never Existed, Found Dazed but Unharmed in D.C. Office
Thu Jan 26 08:15:46 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 and this is, somehow, regarded as noteworthy. — @millenomi
Thu Jan 26 07:09:27 +0000 2017
Pressed on Illuminati Intervention, White House Press Secretary Dons Troll Skull, Begins Speaking in Tongues
Thu Jan 26 07:05:56 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Washing machines? is that even constitutional? — @AndrewNCassidy
Thu Jan 26 06:37:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 guilty of blood hoarding to boot! — @timserpas
Thu Jan 26 06:36:46 +0000 2017
Illuminati Black Helicopters Depart After Spraying White House With Thick Black Chemical Fog, Leaving Staff "Dazed & Compliant"
Thu Jan 26 06:09:00 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Blood-Red Ravens Refuse to Engage Illuminati Helicopters on Approach to White House, Leaving Airspace Uncontested
Thu Jan 26 06:07:14 +0000 2017
Illuminati, Angered by Trump's Broadcast, Declares "Threat Condition THOUGHTFUL PARSNIP," Dispatches Black Helicopters to White House
Thu Jan 26 06:04:22 +0000 2017
Lit Only by Flickering Candles & Wearing Dusty, Tattered Robes, Trump Makes Emergency Broadcast to Recite Washing Machine Manual
Thu Jan 26 06:02:00 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 In that case, I suspect the Blood-Red Ravens will be unappeased by the next inauguration sacrifices. — @QuireInk
Thu Jan 26 05:58:30 +0000 2017
Witnesses Report "Geysers of Blood" Erupting From Senator's Bodies, "More Blood Than They Could Possibly Have Conta… https://t.co/pDNMjayZr4
Thu Jan 26 05:58:14 +0000 2017
Scientists Debunk Teeth
Thu Jan 26 05:57:23 +0000 2017
Pressed on Pain Quotas, Department of Pain Nominee Angrily Denies Being Escaped Nazi War Criminal Kept Alive by Dark Sorcery
Thu Jan 26 05:55:10 +0000 2017
White House Sources Report Trump "Carting in Boxes & Boxes of Amulets," "Some of Them Are Trying to Get Out"
Thu Jan 26 05:53:27 +0000 2017
Romney Recants 2015 Claim Humans "Are Full of Blood" After Spontaneous Senate Exsanguinations
Thu Jan 26 05:49:14 +0000 2017
Belgium Resurfaces, "Subtly, Yet Pervasively" Changed Since Sinking in 1499
Thu Jan 26 05:47:51 +0000 2017
Will Your Loved Ones Fall Victim to the 7th Great Curse? Submit Yourself to Soul-Interrogation by the Unseen Ones & Find Out Now!
Thu Jan 26 05:46:40 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: 7 Senators Spontaneously Exsanguinate
Thu Jan 26 05:42:50 +0000 2017
Avoid Democratectomy With a Daily Nazi-Punching, Say Doctors
Thu Jan 26 05:33:10 +0000 2017
Trump Orders Slow Loris-Hunt After Obama's Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Gnaws Messages of Defiance Into Corpses of Cabinet Officials
Thu Jan 26 04:53:41 +0000 2017
Protesters Report New Breeds of Police Sighted, With Venom Sacs, Sharper Spines
Thu Jan 26 04:52:08 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 this news is clearly not approved https://t.co/pvSWwWk2Cm — @NorWesternCrow
Thu Jan 26 01:39:37 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Democratic Senators Faint in Shock https://t.co/dRQ0GY4qon
Wed Jan 25 23:30:05 +0000 2017
"Hyperbolic Accusations Accomplish Nothing:" Democratic Senators Urge "Tolerance," "Respectful Dialogue" With Enormous Glowing Swastika
Wed Jan 25 22:56:01 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 please, Glühende-Hakenkreuz-American — @Chirurgic
Wed Jan 25 22:54:35 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Sentient Swastika Defends Self Against Accusations of Nazism, Accuses Reporters of "Rassenschande"
Wed Jan 25 22:51:56 +0000 2017
Trump Proposes Creation of Federal-Level Department of Piss, to be Headed by Gigantic Glowing Sentient Swastika
Wed Jan 25 22:49:53 +0000 2017
Approved News 6 Editorial Board Takes Patriotic, Courageous Stance Against Mustache-Twirling Cartoon Villainy
Wed Jan 25 21:06:15 +0000 2017
Citizens. Why punch a Nazi when you could instead submit unquestioningly to the wise and profound edicts of your rightful masters? — @ApprovedNews7
Wed Jan 25 19:36:16 +0000 2017
Senate Moves to Add "Heckling" as Legal Definition of Murder
Wed Jan 25 07:21:23 +0000 2017
Fun Fact: Prairie dogs live in colonies that can comprise thousands of individuals. As such they are collectivists… https://t.co/EG2Q841Udx — @BadIandsNPS
Wed Jan 25 05:05:12 +0000 2017
BREAKING: "Sand Ghasts Against Trump" Alleges Infiltration Attempts by Agents Provocateurs
Wed Jan 25 02:46:18 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Should've invested in half-truths. Far more sustainable. — @awr_yeah
Wed Jan 25 02:04:54 +0000 2017
National Shark Service Devours White House Staffer to Protest Social Media Ban
Wed Jan 25 01:54:45 +0000 2017
Strategic National Fact Reserve Depleted
Wed Jan 25 01:48:48 +0000 2017
BREAKING: NEWSLORD 7 ISSUES URGENT PROCLAMATION https://t.co/KHkGIAcmfi https://t.co/yaT1TGD5Xs — @ApprovedNews6
Wed Jan 25 01:28:18 +0000 2017
Americans for Traditional Torments Clashes with Alt-Pain Activists
Tue Jan 24 21:35:58 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Medium CEO to lead protest against thinkpiece control — @halishuman
Tue Jan 24 15:08:38 +0000 2017
Doctors warn that manga can cause hysteria in those under 12 — @ParentsWarnings
Tue Jan 24 10:43:09 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents Warn Parenting May Result in Teens
Tue Jan 24 08:30:15 +0000 2017
"I Didn't Mean to Hit It That Hard:" Florida Man Attempting to Hang Picture Accidentally Splits Atom
Tue Jan 24 07:12:20 +0000 2017
OPINION: Thinkpieces, Not Punching Nazis, Won World War II
Tue Jan 24 05:50:32 +0000 2017
Former Vice President Joe Biden Seen in Whispering Woods Conferring With Fairy Queen, Who Does Not Exist
Tue Jan 24 04:08:06 +0000 2017
"The Yellow Defiler's Foothold Upon This World Cannot Be Allowed To Remain:" Sister Vindicta Issues Statement on Trump Inauguration
Mon Jan 23 23:43:43 +0000 2017
Blood-Soaked Maidens of the Cold Sword Declare Formation of "Cascadian Empire," Begin Preparations to Annex Idaho
Mon Jan 23 23:41:57 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 oh no, I hope there's not another Cubism Missile Crisis — @rabcyr_alt
Mon Jan 23 19:46:49 +0000 2017
Is Cubism the Reason Trump Won? We Ask the Tough Questions, Tonight at 8/7c
Mon Jan 23 19:22:35 +0000 2017
Florida Man Invades Poland
Mon Jan 23 19:16:17 +0000 2017
.@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/li34MNyuBZ — @cveidson
Mon Jan 23 18:40:38 +0000 2017
Skullwave Band "Sluthammer" Becomes First to Perform Legally in Hell Since 2015 Embargo
Mon Jan 23 06:42:36 +0000 2017
White House Press Secretary Count Totenkopf von Hakenkreuz Firmly Denies Accusations of Nazism While Idly Carving Iron Cross On Podium
Mon Jan 23 06:09:49 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Trump Ends Hell Embargo, Moves to Restore Infernal-American Relations
Mon Jan 23 06:02:09 +0000 2017
Erotican Repubic to Undertake Nationwide Ass Reform
Mon Jan 23 04:04:30 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Rising Demand for Gas Chambers is Good for Jobs https://t.co/Oa1bymSZBC
Mon Jan 23 00:24:35 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Critical infrastructure has been neglected for too long — @formercrsc
Mon Jan 23 00:18:58 +0000 2017
OPINION: We Need Strong Private-Sector Investment to Revitalize the Flagging Nazi-Punching Industry
Sun Jan 22 22:30:51 +0000 2017
DC-Based Pressure Group Americans for a Dread Tomorrow Slams Trump's "Inaction" on Great Golden Beast
Sun Jan 22 19:40:54 +0000 2017
Are Socialist Carrier Pigeons the Reason Trump Won? We Ask the Tough Questions, Tonight at 8/7c
Sun Jan 22 19:24:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 127? We know the true figure is higher - why are you hiding it from us? — @insomniacity
Sun Jan 22 18:59:46 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Reports several trapped citizens gentrified beyond all recognition; one couple converted into a "cut… https://t.co/3vMzpKOTYA — @Chirurgic
Sun Jan 22 18:59:22 +0000 2017
Please. Please send help. They are disrupting our souls. https://t.co/dVmCcqWjL2 — @BlueSpaceCanary
Sun Jan 22 18:59:14 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Trump's Pick for Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Found Dismembered in Office, Bearing Signs of Attack by Slow Loris
Sun Jan 22 18:58:51 +0000 2017
Former Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Kingsley Hellthrash "Hiding in the Walls," Say Department Staff: "We Fear Him"
Sun Jan 22 18:57:53 +0000 2017
"They're Just Funding Everything Indiscriminately," "The Carnage is Beyond Description:" SF Residents Forced to Shelter in Place
Sun Jan 22 18:57:18 +0000 2017
San Francisco Declares State of Emergency After Swarm of Feral Investors Sighted Downtown
Sun Jan 22 18:55:55 +0000 2017
Ornithologists: Behavior of Blood-Red Ravens "Unprecedented," "Likely Linked" to Destruction of Whalebone Scepter
Sat Jan 21 21:27:51 +0000 2017
Blood-Red Ravens Break Off Assault on White House to Circle Above D.C. Protesters, Carry Howling Police Away Into the Sky
Sat Jan 21 21:25:30 +0000 2017
American indolence and cut it out with new corrective labor programs and long, rusty scissors. We're going to make America bleed again. — @ApprovedNews7
Fri Jan 20 21:36:11 +0000 2017
We're going to put Americans back to work. We're going to use whips, we're going to use knives, we're going to take the rotting heart of — @ApprovedNews7
Fri Jan 20 21:36:06 +0000 2017
The Department of Obedience is pleased to report that all operations will be significantly expanded under the new administration. — @ApprovedNews7
Fri Jan 20 21:36:01 +0000 2017
"I Dunno, Man," "We'd Have to Go Ask the Principal for a Key," "Not Really Worth It:" Secret Service Abandons Attempt to Free Steve Bannon
Fri Jan 20 21:09:30 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Secret Service Makes Halfhearted Attempt to Free Steve Bannon from High School Locker
Fri Jan 20 21:08:28 +0000 2017
Blood-Red Ravens Continue to Circle White House, Attack Windows
Fri Jan 20 21:04:56 +0000 2017
Emaciated, Horned Man in Grotesque Wooden Mask Seen Pounding on White House Door, Howling Inhumanly
Fri Jan 20 21:02:50 +0000 2017
Melania Trump, in Radical Speech, Vows To Transfer Power To the Forgotten Man — @TwoHeadlines
Fri Jan 20 20:08:19 +0000 2017
Words Donald Trump said for the first time in any U.S. inaugural address https://t.co/35FAQMgktj — @PostGraphics
Fri Jan 20 20:05:22 +0000 2017
Lightning strikes San Francisco's Transamerica Pyramid and nearby tower shortly after 4am. Credit: Simon Allardice… https://t.co/NJ2HfDGgKS — @RobMayeda
Fri Jan 20 19:30:38 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Massed Replicas of Obama, Last Seen Slowly Circling D.C., Confirmed to Have Vanished at Exact Moment of Biden's Return
Fri Jan 20 18:18:07 +0000 2017
Rejected by Blood-Red Ravens & Whalebone Scepter, Trump's Legitimacy as 127th President of the United States "Worryingly Unclear"
Fri Jan 20 18:12:44 +0000 2017
.@ApprovedNews6 I'm sure someone would insist to me that's not ominous & assure my that my sudden affliction of fiery stigmata mean nothing. — @dyslexxicon
Fri Jan 20 18:10:15 +0000 2017
Biden, Obama Family Escorted Into Rickety Carriage as President Trump Flees Wrath of Blood-Red Ravens #Inauguration
Fri Jan 20 18:09:13 +0000 2017
"They Took Away Your Thoughts But It's All Right Now, I've Got Them Right Here:" Newly-Manifested Joe Biden Embraces Tearful Obama
Fri Jan 20 18:07:14 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Vice President Joe Biden, Whom We Had Somehow All Forgotten, Emerges Before Altar in Blast of Light & Wind
Fri Jan 20 18:05:50 +0000 2017
"Joe? Can — Can It Really Be You?" Hesitantly, Obama Steps Forward, Reaches Out to Ghostly Figure #Inauguration
Fri Jan 20 18:01:59 +0000 2017
"Barack, You Know Me," "Come On, We Can Fix This, Take My Hand:" Ghostly Figure at Altar Warmly Addresses Obama as Thunder Roars All Around
Fri Jan 20 17:59:24 +0000 2017
"It — It's You," "But You — I Thought — You Don't Exist — You Never Existed:" Obama Slowly Backs Away as Glowing Figure at Altar Reaches Out
Fri Jan 20 17:57:43 +0000 2017
Ghostly Figure Before Inaugural Altar Grows Brighter & Brighter, Transfixing All Who Gaze Upon It; Obama, Shaking, Slowly Removes Blindfold
Fri Jan 20 17:55:51 +0000 2017
Blood-Red Ravens Descend as One, Vomiting, Dropping Dead Fish on Trump as #Inauguration Audience Panics
Fri Jan 20 17:53:32 +0000 2017
Trump Struck by Lightning Seven Times as #Inauguration Audience Screams and Cowers
Fri Jan 20 17:52:18 +0000 2017
BREAKING: IN BLINDING FLASH, WHALEBONE SCEPTER OF OFFICE SHATTERS AT TRUMP'S TOUCH
Fri Jan 20 17:50:59 +0000 2017
"The Claw Will Soon Be Mine:" Howling in Glee, Trump Seizes Whalebone Scepter, as Shrieks of Blood-Red Ravens Reach Crescendo #Inauguration
Fri Jan 20 17:48:15 +0000 2017
In Final Act as President, Obama Solemnly Raises Up Whalebone Scepter of Office, Presents it to Donald Trump #Inauguration
Fri Jan 20 17:45:03 +0000 2017
Trump Haltingly Finishes #Inauguration Oath as Lightning Flashes & Ghostly, Gaffe-Prone Presence Begins to Form Before Altar
Fri Jan 20 17:43:18 +0000 2017
Obama Dismisses Destruction of Codex Salamandrium, Citing Need for "Peaceful Transition," Urges #Inauguration Oath to Continue
Fri Jan 20 17:40:52 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Codex Salamandrium Bursts Into Terrible Black Flame at Trump's Touch #Inauguration
Fri Jan 20 17:38:29 +0000 2017
Ground at #Inauguration Begins to Shake as Trump Places Hand Upon Codex Salamandrium, Recites Oath of Office
Fri Jan 20 17:36:45 +0000 2017
Justice Roberts Unfurls Vellum Scroll, Prepares to Administer Oath of Office as Strange, Unearthly Lights Dance Behind Him #Inauguration
Fri Jan 20 17:34:24 +0000 2017
Thunder Rumbles in Sky Above #Inauguration as Figures in Waterlogged Robes Slowly Emerge from Reflecting Pool
Fri Jan 20 17:27:58 +0000 2017
Librarian of Congress, Hidden Beneath Ashen Veil, Places Codex Salamandrium Upon Inaugural Altar #Inauguration
Fri Jan 20 17:26:36 +0000 2017
Blood-Red Ravens Descend from Sky to Feast Upon Blood of #Inauguration Sacrifices, Plumage Growing Swiftly More Vibrant
Fri Jan 20 17:23:45 +0000 2017
Shrieking of Blood-Red Ravens Intensifies as Librarian of Congress Arrives at #Inauguration in Carved Jade Palanquin
Fri Jan 20 17:20:39 +0000 2017
"The Appointed Hour Is At Hand:" Bone Oracles Lead Blindfolded President, President-Elect to Inaugural Altar #Inauguration
Fri Jan 20 17:18:26 +0000 2017
Rickety, Scorched Carriage Drawn by Jet-Black Horses Arrives at #Inauguration, Carrying President Obama, Trump
Fri Jan 20 17:16:31 +0000 2017
Ceremonial Throat-Cutting of #Inauguration Audience Turns Reflecting Pool Red With Blood
Fri Jan 20 17:13:51 +0000 2017
#Inauguration: Hollow-Eyed Senate Staffers Lead Hundreds of Chained, Emaciated Sacrificial Witnesses to National Mall
Fri Jan 20 17:12:19 +0000 2017
Blood-Red Ravens Blot Out Sky Over D.C. as #Inauguration Commences
Fri Jan 20 17:11:02 +0000 2017
Americans for a Dread Tomorrow Urges Teens to "Just Say REDACTED" to Drugs
Fri Jan 20 09:58:01 +0000 2017
BREAKING: NEWSLORD 7 ISSUES URGENT PROCLAMATION https://t.co/KHkGIAcmfi https://t.co/yaT1TGD5Xs
Fri Jan 20 08:00:43 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 No passport, zero respect for borders. Illegal AF. — @polyparadigm
Fri Jan 20 07:10:35 +0000 2017
When jesus is outlawed only jesus will have outlaws 👏👏👏👏 https://t.co/0RMAzXDPwD — @cthulhufetish
Fri Jan 20 07:03:42 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/M6xFQV5gpZ — @Chirurgic
Fri Jan 20 06:58:56 +0000 2017
Inauguration Could "Get Owned" by Teenage Vore Fiends High on Relatable Content, Concerned Parents Warn
Fri Jan 20 06:50:56 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: We Know What Skull Cultists Don't About the Immaculate Prism - Spill Your Blood Upon This Tweet to Find Out!
Fri Jan 20 06:42:29 +0000 2017
Trump Faces Intellectual Property Lawsuit by Electric Nazis From Venus
Fri Jan 20 05:32:16 +0000 2017
Bone Oracles: Soviet Flag Given to Reporter by Forbidden Lands Shadow Council Contains "Many Ancient Magicks," "Secret Wisdom"
Fri Jan 20 05:25:40 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Forbidden Lands Shadow Councilor Hands Reporter Tattered Soviet Flag, Sheds Single Tear as Rain Begins to Fall
Fri Jan 20 05:23:43 +0000 2017
BREAKING: In Break With ███-Year Tradition, Forbidden Lands Shadow Council "Will Not Attend" Inauguration
Fri Jan 20 05:17:14 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 "He will sign Any Book, and then it will be His" Explains Devotee Of The Iron Band — @zacaj_
Fri Jan 20 04:48:47 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 "How did he write a book while imprisoned in the Mouldering Citadel?" Asks One Citizen — @zacaj_
Fri Jan 20 04:48:45 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Local Floridian, OPINION: Not This Crap Again, It's Not Usually Like This, We Just Have A Bad Reputation. — @theredlongitude
Fri Jan 20 04:47:48 +0000 2017
Freed After Eons from the Mouldering Citadel, King of Rust & Iron Descends on Tampa to Hold Press Conference, Book-Signing Event
Fri Jan 20 04:45:40 +0000 2017
Florida Man, Anointed by the Shrieking Sect of the Seventh Scepter, Descends the Scarlet Precipice, Releases the King of Rust & Iron
Fri Jan 20 04:41:01 +0000 2017
@sciencesuggests @ApprovedNews6 ugh, haven't we had enough trouble from third party candidates already — @Chirurgic
Thu Jan 19 22:15:38 +0000 2017
Butt-Shaped Cat Could Change Everything — @sciencesuggests
Thu Jan 19 21:45:13 +0000 2017
"Seven Crowns for the Sparrow God:" Congressional Progressive Caucus Issues Statement on Upcoming Trump Inauguration
Thu Jan 19 19:45:43 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 smh can't believe the MSM won't give Assange the credit he deserves for landing on the moon and defeating the British — @joe_no_body
Thu Jan 19 16:42:43 +0000 2017
WikiLeaks Criticized for Publishing Unobscured Cognitohazards
Thu Jan 19 01:00:05 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 "We can aim much higher," promises Trump. — @tweetsthecreeps
Thu Jan 19 00:09:20 +0000 2017
Study: Peaceful Transitions Kill Thousands Each Year
Wed Jan 18 20:58:51 +0000 2017
NASA Celebrates First American Sin in Space
Wed Jan 18 20:55:15 +0000 2017
White House Dismisses WikiLeaks as "Controlled Entirely" by "Wicked Gnome" from "Beneath the Earth" Kept in Barrel by Ecuadorian Ambassador
Wed Jan 18 19:52:37 +0000 2017
BREAKING: WikiLeaks Claims Credit for Moon Landings, War of 1812
Wed Jan 18 19:42:40 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Help Newslord 7 Recover from the Fourth Great Curse by Making a Monthly Pledge Today https://t.co/KHkGIAcmfi
Wed Jan 18 09:51:59 +0000 2017
Apple Introduced "World's Thinnest Laptop" With Serrated Edges, Barbed Keys
Wed Jan 18 08:22:01 +0000 2017
Onetime American Political Commentator Keith Skullbermann Dragged Out of Hiding by News Vigilantes, Forced to Report on Election
Wed Jan 18 00:23:25 +0000 2017
THOUGHT-BROADCAST TO THE INVISIBLE EMPIRE, GET YOUR #FACTS STRAIGHT PPL — @realKhaddaraz
Wed Jan 18 00:13:37 +0000 2017
so tired of Ppl saying "bernie wld have 1!" we ALL know he wld have been kidnapped by the spider people of Planet 973, HE ADMITTED IT IN HIS — @realKhaddaraz
Wed Jan 18 00:13:33 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Trump is illegitimate in that he does not physically exist — @AndrewNCassidy
Tue Jan 17 18:34:35 +0000 2017
Obama Dismisses Attacks on Trump's Legitimacy: "The Time Has Come to Pass On the Whalebone Scepter"
Tue Jan 17 18:33:42 +0000 2017
As Presidential Inauguration Looms, Millions of Blood-Red Ravens Congregate Upon the Everlasting Spire
Tue Jan 17 18:31:00 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Has anyone welded it shut yet? — @Xaosopher
Mon Jan 16 10:11:02 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Steve Bannon Still Trapped in High School Locker
Mon Jan 16 10:07:25 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/PV89TTZFs1 — @insomniacity
Mon Jan 16 06:59:34 +0000 2017
Doctors Discover Strain of Javascript Capable of Infecting Humans
Mon Jan 16 00:05:48 +0000 2017
Frustrated by Soaring Airfares, Many Americans Take to Rising Slowly Into the Sky, Never to Return
Sun Jan 15 07:46:55 +0000 2017
Frustrated by Soaring Airfares, Many Americans Take to Rising Slowly Into the Sky, Never to Return
Sun Jan 15 07:46:55 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 #3: Never use your True Name as your PIN. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Sun Jan 15 07:17:12 +0000 2017
7 Ways to Protect Yourself Against Cursed ATMs
Sun Jan 15 07:04:35 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Skullifornia doesn't even need the blood since the vampire purge of 1987. — @_HaikusGoddess
Sun Jan 15 05:01:40 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 "I've heard it's poisonous. Whenever you see dead people, there's all this blood in them" — @zacaj_
Sun Jan 15 05:00:39 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 "Should we allow it in our children's bodies?" Asks Local Mother Of Three — @zacaj_
Sun Jan 15 04:57:38 +0000 2017
State of Hellaska Sues Skullifornia Over Blood Policy
Sun Jan 15 04:53:37 +0000 2017
Theocriminologists: Study "Groundbreaking"
Sat Jan 14 23:54:33 +0000 2017
New Study Shows God May Be Illegal
Sat Jan 14 23:53:36 +0000 2017
"Nothing Could Ever Be As Bad As The Great Mistake:" Pundits Slam Protesters for "Trivializing History"
Sat Jan 14 21:22:43 +0000 2017
Survivors of the Great Mistake to Hold Protest During Inauguration
Sat Jan 14 21:18:58 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Citadel of the Flaming Scimitar Repels Siege by Lesser Worm of Pensacola; Defending Forces Vow Vengeance
Fri Jan 13 19:57:25 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Defeat Fascism With This One Weird Trick, Discovered by a Prime Minister - Nazis Hate Him!
Fri Jan 13 07:51:00 +0000 2017
Mayor Robert X. Doomspyre of Terror City, Nebraska Arrested Selling Narcotics to Pigeons
Fri Jan 13 05:47:36 +0000 2017
Report: Justice Department May Insitute Policy of Kinkshaming First-Time Offenders
Fri Jan 13 05:30:06 +0000 2017
New Study Shows Prayer Effective in Breaking Many Common Encryption Algorithms
Fri Jan 13 05:25:27 +0000 2017
Sen. Disastra bel-Malphegor (🐍-MA) Sponsors Bill to "Set Alight the Ancient Pyres," "Let Screams Drown Out All Earthly Clamor"
Fri Jan 13 05:24:30 +0000 2017
American Tree-Punching League Declares Trump Tree
Fri Jan 13 05:21:10 +0000 2017
Is Paranoia an Illuminati Conspiracy? We Examine the Facts
Fri Jan 13 05:18:19 +0000 2017
"Look, These People Are Very Sick, They're Very Dangerous:" Trump Promises to Take "Hard Line" on Telekinesis Sufferers
Fri Jan 13 05:13:35 +0000 2017
Hell Issues Press Release on Infernal-American Relations, Maddening All Who Gaze Upon It, Setting Fire to Ontologically-Nearby Concepts
Fri Jan 13 04:58:39 +0000 2017
Trump: "Together We Shall Feast Upon the Rotting Corpse of God"
Fri Jan 13 04:55:30 +0000 2017
Seven Signs Your Betrothed Could Be An Enchanted Russian Lawn Gnome
Fri Jan 13 02:20:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTER-COUNTERPOINT: What Are You? Some Kinda Fuckin' Commie? If You Don't Like Cursing the Poor, Move Somewhere Else — @joe_no_body
Fri Jan 13 01:51:33 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Cursing the Poor May Attract the Attention of Those Whose Attention is Better Left Unattracted
Fri Jan 13 01:38:25 +0000 2017
OPINION: It's Time to Start Placing Curses on the Poor
Fri Jan 13 01:31:27 +0000 2017
@mcclure111 @ApprovedNews6 and its not like anyone was using it, geez — @AndrewNCassidy
Thu Jan 12 06:38:57 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Kids these days inject news directly into their veins. Ugly stuff. — @icambron
Thu Jan 12 06:38:47 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Confusing messaging from Big Pharma contributes to the lack of knowledge about this issue. — @ladyjax
Thu Jan 12 06:38:39 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 how can you get upset at someone for destroying something that all you had to do to destroy it was step in it — @mcclure111
Thu Jan 12 06:18:39 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 i mean uh really it's not so much a "planet" as a "puddle", in three dimensions, — @mcclure111
Thu Jan 12 06:18:28 +0000 2017
Experts Weigh In on Average Lethal Dose of News https://t.co/dsIirPErHl
Thu Jan 12 06:16:25 +0000 2017
CDC: Many Americans "Underestimate" Average Lethal Dose of News
Thu Jan 12 06:14:21 +0000 2017
News Poisoning Reaches Epidemic Proportions
Thu Jan 12 06:13:44 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Florida Man Destroys Neptune... AGAIN!
Thu Jan 12 06:08:33 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 ah, those Lesser Worms, always reliable to liven up a slow news day. — @thebeardlessone
Wed Jan 11 22:29:12 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Lesser Worm of Pensacola Lays Siege to Citadel of the Flaming Scimitar
Wed Jan 11 21:57:41 +0000 2017
*literally* every single dollar counts. every single $1/month pledge matters. a big thank you to all who've gotten me this far :) — @velartrill
Wed Jan 11 06:23:11 +0000 2017
reminder that you can help me survive and ensure the continued existence of AN6 by making a monthly pledge at https://t.co/76qHXUf8G3 — @velartrill
Wed Jan 11 06:22:19 +0000 2017
Experts: Many Disadvantaged Individuals Turn to Dread Rites to "Find Relief" from Baleful Spirits, Curses
Wed Jan 11 05:32:36 +0000 2017
Abuse of Dread Rites "On the Rise" Among Low-Income Americans, Say Experts
Wed Jan 11 05:29:09 +0000 2017
Are Teens Getting High on Relatable Content?
Wed Jan 11 01:14:41 +0000 2017
in the mean time, if you've got a hankering for Approved news, there's always the full tweet archive at https://t.co/wuNz5vvOtI — @velartrill
Tue Jan 10 22:58:35 +0000 2017
and it's impacting my ability to write. thank you to my patrons for bearing with me :) — @velartrill
Tue Jan 10 22:55:10 +0000 2017
hey @ApprovedNews6 readers! i'm sorry how sporadic my tweets have been lately. i'm currently dealing with some pretty severe heart problems — @velartrill
Tue Jan 10 22:55:04 +0000 2017
New Law Would Make Use of Ad Blockers Punishable by Death
Tue Jan 10 22:52:34 +0000 2017
My [CORRECTLY ADDRESSED] package was "undeliverable as addressed" but they can deliver unopposed imperialism to Cle… https://t.co/irKkQFSEwU — @NorWesternCrow
Tue Jan 10 03:45:06 +0000 2017
Concerned Parents Report Headquarters Vandalized, Blame "Teenage Quinoa Fiends"
Tue Jan 10 03:43:44 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Gunning for ol' Dick "Hitler" Hitler's record from 1971? Bold. — @BlueSpaceCanary
Tue Jan 10 03:19:08 +0000 2017
Trump Will Employ "More Hitler Clones Than Any Previous Administration," Analysts Report
Mon Jan 09 23:20:08 +0000 2017
Rectangle Council issued the following statement: "No, no, daddy-o, it was all those stiff-necked squares" https://t.co/Iqp92cD5nx — @cveidson
Mon Jan 09 22:26:08 +0000 2017
"What Dose A Slow Loris Know About Contamination?" Trump Slams Secretary Hellthrash For "Meddling" in "Peaceful Transition"
Mon Jan 09 22:24:38 +0000 2017
Trump "May Be Contaminated," Warns Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Kingsley Hellthrash
Mon Jan 09 22:24:05 +0000 2017
Is the Oxford Comma Killing Our Children, Ruining Our Marriages, & Destroying Our Future? Find Out Tonight, Only on Approved News 6
Mon Jan 09 22:03:54 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Approved News 6, In "Commendable Show" of "Deepest Patriotism & American Virtue" Moves Website to https://t.co/q6aSBiGH7s
Mon Jan 09 21:41:13 +0000 2017
Imprimator Haereticarum of the Hidden Valley Publishes "Kid's Edition" of Codex Salamandrium
Mon Jan 09 20:39:12 +0000 2017
New Study: Americans' Favorite Hobbies "Meth Overdose," "Yelling at Birds," & "Pending Litigation"
Mon Jan 09 18:12:37 +0000 2017
MIT Astrophysicist Debunks Sun
Mon Jan 09 05:43:55 +0000 2017
"Rectangles are Why Trump Won:" Party Insiders Place Blame for Trump's Victory on Elementary Geometry
Mon Jan 09 03:58:11 +0000 2017
FASHION: Are "Urgent Whispers from the Shadow Realm" the New "Blood Leaking from the Walls?"
Mon Jan 09 02:02:36 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Newslord 4, Believed Killed in Action, Appears at AN6 Dread Fortress, Badly Wounded, Wearing Wolf Blitzer's Hide as Trophy
Mon Jan 09 01:09:07 +0000 2017
Erotican Repubic's President-Erect Feels "Shafted" by Media, Say Inside Sources
Sun Jan 08 01:26:41 +0000 2017
"Blood Upon the Ancient Stones," "A Baleful Star Upon the New Horizon:" Microsoft Outlines 2017 Goals
Sun Jan 08 00:11:17 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Satoshi Nakamoto Revealed to be the Friends We Made Along the Way
Sat Jan 07 23:11:46 +0000 2017
Science Confirms: Men Think With Their Vomit and Shit — @HeadlineSmasher
Sat Jan 07 23:11:25 +0000 2017
Sen. XL333012 (R-FL) Softens Tone on Trump, Expresses Optimism for US-Russian Relations
Sat Jan 07 22:48:44 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 The throat lozenge industry would be all over this mandate. — @TopherGrey
Sat Jan 07 21:01:50 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment on I.C.B.M, Trump Disgorges Impossibly Long Snake
Sat Jan 07 21:00:48 +0000 2017
BREAKING: New Evidence Links Trump to Convicted Bone Heretics of Now-Defunct "International Coalition for the Betterment of Mankind"
Sat Jan 07 21:00:00 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Bestow Pyrokinesis Upon Your Cat With This One Easy Injection
Sat Jan 07 20:57:43 +0000 2017
"The Department of Blood, Sex, & Death is No Place for a Slow Loris:" Trump Slams Secretary Kingsley Hellthrash
Sat Jan 07 20:55:57 +0000 2017
Amtrak's Faster-than-Light Rail Corridor "Behind Schedule" Due to "Blatant Contradiction" to "The Most Basic Laws of Nature"
Sat Jan 07 20:54:45 +0000 2017
Tragic Case of Drug-Induced Omnipotence Eliminates Small Vermont Town From All Earthly Memory
Sat Jan 07 20:53:16 +0000 2017
Should the Cursed Tongue of the Salamanders Be Taught in High School? We Ask the Experts
Sat Jan 07 20:50:16 +0000 2017
Albanian Bonelord Donjeta the Despoiler Lays Siege to Tirana
Sat Jan 07 20:47:27 +0000 2017
Monks of the Bronze Mask Worldwide Withdraw to Distant Mountain Monastery for Unknown Purposes
Sat Jan 07 20:42:33 +0000 2017
OPINION: Fear Not the Great Undoing
Sat Jan 07 20:40:52 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Great Connecticut Eel Found Dead Beside Well of Distant Dreams; Foul Play Suspected
Sat Jan 07 20:39:19 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 at an alarming rate — @GeorgiaReh
Sat Jan 07 11:56:05 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Russia Continues to Exist
Sat Jan 07 11:15:11 +0000 2017
Emboldened by DARPA Invincibility Serum, US Postal Service Annexes Cleveland
Sat Jan 07 08:21:25 +0000 2017
"You'd Like to Know, Wouldn't You," Say Experts
Sat Jan 07 08:00:19 +0000 2017
North Dakota Mud Kingpin Daisy O'Donohue Arrested Attempting to Board Doomed Ship to Forbidden Lands
Fri Jan 06 23:00:11 +0000 2017
Pressed for Comment, Mechanical Man's Attorney Clanks Loudly, Breathes Scalding Steam in Reporters' Faces
Fri Jan 06 21:14:54 +0000 2017
Mechanical Man Arrested After Assaulting State Department Official With "Discontinued Item #7"
Fri Jan 06 21:14:23 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 COUNTERPOINT: No God Butt Machine — @VECTORCITIES
Fri Jan 06 17:58:32 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Counterpoint: No Machine But God — @Chirurgic
Fri Jan 06 07:56:54 +0000 2017
OPINION: No God But the Machine
Fri Jan 06 06:53:05 +0000 2017
Fans Outraged After She Who Throttles the Dawn Cancels Tampa Manifestation Without Explanation
Thu Jan 05 23:56:06 +0000 2017
Dismantling the Beneficent Manifold, Evaporating the Sea of Silent Wisdom: An In-Depth Look at Republicans' 2017 Legislative Agenda
Thu Jan 05 23:47:33 +0000 2017
JOB OPENING: Security Director - Must Know Seven Secret Truths, Have Head of Lion, Wings of Egret
Thu Jan 05 23:43:27 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 You think the use of the spatula was bad, you should have seen the last time he used a -spoon-. Because Florida. — @Omegatani
Thu Jan 05 21:40:30 +0000 2017
██████ █████████ Florida Man Jailed ███████ ██ Hundreds Missing, Feared Dead ███████████ ███ Unlawful Use of a Spatula in a Public Park ████
Thu Jan 05 21:12:36 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 How does a young object of terror ever get into the field off nightmares if all the entry-level positions require experience? — @tweetsthecreeps
Thu Jan 05 13:21:15 +0000 2017
Is It Time to Remove References to Orbs From the Pledge of Allegiance? Secular Activists Take Controversial New Position
Wed Jan 04 23:27:41 +0000 2017
Newslords: Consult Your Local Bone Oracle to Determine Full Terms of Employment https://t.co/ld4oyFI7EH
Wed Jan 04 19:15:44 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 Uh... it appears I have already submitted a resume... or so I am informed by the sky? — @HyenaSpotz
Wed Jan 04 19:14:25 +0000 2017
Newslords: Applications Should Be Presented to "The Dark, Amorphous Shape Lurking in Your Dreams Since Childhood" https://t.co/I74Xq1riFG
Wed Jan 04 19:14:06 +0000 2017
JOB OPENING: Nightly News Anchor - Must Be Wise Beyond Their Years & At Least 44% Invulnerable
Wed Jan 04 19:11:30 +0000 2017
JOB OPENING: REDACTED Technician - Must Be Fluent in Cursed Tongue of the Salamanders, Mighty in Both Word & Deed
Wed Jan 04 19:06:06 +0000 2017
JOB OPENING: Graphic Designer - Must Have Minimum 74 Subordinate Mindforms, Appear Frequently in Nightmares
Wed Jan 04 19:02:58 +0000 2017
JOB OPENING: Typesetter - Must Be Certified Uncontaminated & Free of Wicked Thoughts, Able to Control Lesser Serpents
Wed Jan 04 19:01:32 +0000 2017
.@ApprovedNews6 I CAN'T BELIEVE HE JUST LET IT RIGHT IN TO THE HOUSE https://t.co/YOM1ML9MMW — @nuts_y_gum
Wed Jan 04 17:58:23 +0000 2017
SPONSORED: Dishonor Your Ancestors With This One Weird Incantation, Discovered by a Bog Witch - Big REDACTED Hates Her!
Wed Jan 04 06:31:08 +0000 2017
"Getting Owned:" What Parents Need to Know About This New Teenage Fad
Wed Jan 04 06:24:32 +0000 2017
Should Vampirism Really Disqualify Families From Adoption? We Review the Evidence
Wed Jan 04 06:15:53 +0000 2017
Wild-Eyed, Smelling Strongly of Burned Pancakes, UK Minister of Bad Ideas Nigel Farage Demands Annexation of Atlantis
Wed Jan 04 00:46:53 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 we'll never truly have a Repubic until we have automatic Vore registration. — @jleedev
Wed Jan 04 00:34:47 +0000 2017
"A Complete Cock-Up:" Erotican Repubic Opposition Party Smears Government's "Increasingly Anal" Fixation on Vore Fraud
Wed Jan 04 00:23:03 +0000 2017
Erotican Repubic's Pro-State "New Porker Magazine" Lays Into Opposition for Violating Subpeonas, Giving Exposure to Radical Sextremists
Wed Jan 04 00:18:22 +0000 2017
OPINION: It's Time Doctors Start Taking the Medicinal Value of Crime Seriously
Tue Jan 03 23:31:11 +0000 2017
Economists: Millennials' Reluctance to Trade Souls for Earthly Power "Bodes Ill" For American Economy
Tue Jan 03 19:52:06 +0000 2017
Albanian Bone-Horde, Led by Donjeta the Despoiler, Invades China
Tue Jan 03 19:31:13 +0000 2017
This sort of incident is to be expected if the Illuminati are meeting in the Birmingham Pyramid. @TlfTravelAlerts… https://t.co/ft0vRMzTVV — @SpikyCaterpillr
Tue Jan 03 19:28:14 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Слава Родине, Товарищ
Tue Jan 03 00:15:35 +0000 2017
OPINION: Quiet, You Fool, She's A Russian Agent!
Mon Jan 02 23:39:48 +0000 2017
Look, I Hail the Orb as Much as the Next Concerned Parent, But Using Words Like "Thee" Makes Us Sound Old and Stuffy @ApprovedNews6 — @joe_no_body
Mon Jan 02 23:34:16 +0000 2017
Heresiarch Salamandra of the Hidden Valley Rejects Trump Inauguration Invite: "It Is A Trap," "He Wishes to Suck Out Our Precious Fluids"
Mon Jan 02 22:20:19 +0000 2017
OPINION: If We Want Teens to Hail the Orb, We Have to Update Our Vocabulary for the 21st Century @ApprovedNews6 — @joe_no_body
Mon Jan 02 21:31:15 +0000 2017
Are Illuminati Mind Control Satellites Imperiling Our Flesh Purity? We Ask the Experts
Mon Jan 02 21:28:44 +0000 2017
FACT: Cube-Exalting Scum, Fuck Off! HAIL THE ORB. https://t.co/3H24C1SrPf — @joe_no_body
Mon Jan 02 21:28:07 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Beg Forgiveness From the Orb, Wretch, Before Its Vengeance Falls Upon Thee
Mon Jan 02 21:27:50 +0000 2017
OPINION: The Crimson Cube Must Be Exalted Above All Else
Mon Jan 02 21:26:57 +0000 2017
"Disturbing" Survey Shows Children as Young as 12 "Mainlining Crime"
Mon Jan 02 04:50:30 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 supporters seen carrying "Trump Hates Love" signs at rallies — @lifning
Mon Jan 02 04:02:16 +0000 2017
"Misdemeanor Status Has Proven Ineffective For Years:" Concerned Parents Laud Trump's Plan to Make Love A Felony
Mon Jan 02 03:59:50 +0000 2017
Trump Vows to Make Love A Felony
Mon Jan 02 03:59:14 +0000 2017
Obeying the Law "May Be Illegal," New Study Warns
Mon Jan 02 01:42:06 +0000 2017
FULL ARTICLE | Approved News 6 Intercepts Anomalous Transmission https://t.co/Y4SKHHmwiD https://t.co/fDUK9COJ0r
Sun Jan 01 09:24:42 +0000 2017
Federal Court Issues Injunction to Halt Universal Flow of Entropy Pending Appeal
Sun Jan 01 09:03:16 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Bone Oracles Report "Doubled Readings" for Period Close to New Year, "As Though Another World Briefly Blotted Out Our Own"
Sun Jan 01 08:57:06 +0000 2017
"In Your Dreams," Sneer Newslords https://t.co/Kq8k1clInc
Sun Jan 01 08:54:40 +0000 2017
Approved News 6 Accepts Only Dried Yak Teeth Wept Over by Monks of the Bronze Mask, in Accordance With Federal Law https://t.co/7g3s65G6pN
Sun Jan 01 08:48:37 +0000 2017
"Consult Your Local Circle of Standing Stones," Say Unearthly Voices Just Behind Your Left Ear https://t.co/35vvEjbjeK
Sun Jan 01 08:46:19 +0000 2017
"We're All Just Dandy Hereabouts, so Happy New Year:" Newslord 1 Winks, Makes Jaunty Thumbs-Up Gesture https://t.co/5ayKpxP3aU
Sun Jan 01 08:44:13 +0000 2017
REMINDER: All Biomass Must Be Certified Uncontaminated, Free of Curses https://t.co/OTCBJaqP5V
Sun Jan 01 08:41:49 +0000 2017
ROMANCE AFOOT? Samedra Thunderflange Seen Comforting Wise Witch of the Whispering Woods, Her Cheeks Stained With Tears
Sun Jan 01 08:41:12 +0000 2017
REMINDER: Support Our Brave Reporters! We Accept Cash, Dried Yak Teeth, & Grade-C Biomass (American)! https://t.co/KHkGIAcmfi
Sun Jan 01 08:39:59 +0000 2017
██████████████ ██████████████ seven candles ██████████████ seven thrones ██████████████ ██████████████
Sun Jan 01 08:37:04 +0000 2017
@ApprovedNews6 WE SAW, WE KNOW, WE RAISE OUR ARMS IN GRATEFUL EXALTATION. PRAISE, PRAISE, PRAISE. — @dyslexxicon
Sun Jan 01 08:36:09 +0000 2017
Local Sages Issue Further Cryptic Statement to Bone Sorceress Supreme Xylinda Overblight https://t.co/HXaKjVuAsv
Sun Jan 01 08:36:06 +0000 2017
"It Has Only Been Delayed:" Bone Sorceress Supreme Samedra Thunderflange of Green Bay, WI Issues Cryptic Statement to Press
Sun Jan 01 08:33:03 +0000 2017
Bone Sorceress Xylinda Overblight, Unquestioned Mistress of Oregon City, Refuses Reporters' Questions, Retires Trembling to Boudoir
Sun Jan 01 08:32:15 +0000 2017
WEIRD & WACKY: Vast Wing-Shaped Scorch Mark Found Across Downtown Oregon City; "A Good Omen For The New Year," Say Soothsayers
Sun Jan 01 08:31:37 +0000 2017
Nameless Corporation "Looking Forward" to "A Productive 2017;" Forcibly Implants All Reporters Present With Invasive Symbiote
Sun Jan 01 08:30:26 +0000 2017
Pressed on New Year, Trump Vomits Frogs
Sun Jan 01 08:29:35 +0000 2017
Albanian Bonelord Donjeta the Despoiler Vows 2017 "Year of the Bone-Horde," Bites Head Off Donkey
Sun Jan 01 08:28:58 +0000 2017
"Turns Out 2016 Went Out With A Whimper After All," Charles J. Bloodhorn Tells Reporters With a Laugh
Sun Jan 01 08:27:46 +0000 2017
Illuminati, Blood-Soaked Maidens, Concerned Parents Step Down Threat Advisory Conditions
Sun Jan 01 08:26:52 +0000 2017
"We Can All Breathe a Sigh of Relief:" Obama Issues Statement ████ of a "Disastrous Year"
Sun Jan 01 08:26:13 +0000 2017
█████████████████████████████████████████; W█r█d Milita█ies Standing Down as 2016 Reaches End Without Incident
Sun Jan 01 08:25:38 +0000 2017
████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
Sun Jan 01 08:24:47 +0000 2017
BRE█ K I I I I I I N █ █ █ █ ██████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
Sun Jan 01 08:24:36 +0000 2017
BREA█ING: ████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████████
Sun Jan 01 08:24:02 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Sh██ud of ██████ Ru█hes Fo█th fro█ Western Orego█, Bl█tt█ng Out█████████████████████████████
Sun Jan 01 08:23:53 +0000 2017
Sou█d of R█shing Wa█er, Unbeara█le in Vol█me, Fills M█nds of A█l Still L█ving
Sun Jan 01 08:21:51 +0000 2017
Aged B█onze Mechanisms Wo█ldwide Be█in to Tu█n Sudde█ly in Reverse
Sun Jan 01 08:20:58 +0000 2017
Cascadia Sub█uct█on Zone Earthq█ake Strikes as Epic Bone Ritual█ Rea██es C█mpletion
Sun Jan 01 08:20:23 +0000 2017
BREAKING: BONE-SORCERESS SUPREME XYLINDA OVERBLIGHT KILLED IN SACRIFICIAL RITUAL
Sun Jan 01 08:19:27 +0000 2017
Sun Now Filling ███ire Sky Wor█dwide
Sun Jan 01 08:18:54 +0000 2017
UPDATE: Seventh Angel Annih██ates D████ Tesseracts With Single Strike of ████ing Sword
Sun Jan 01 08:17:56 +0000 2017
Drone Footage Shows "Uncountable Millions" of Dread Tesseracts █████████ Seventh Angel
Sun Jan 01 08:17:18 +0000 2017
Dread Cube Incursion ███████ Seventh Angel █████ Restructuring Zone
Sun Jan 01 08:16:48 +0000 2017
Florida St██e Pol█ce Arrive in Black ████copters, Invoking Dread Cubes
Sun Jan 01 08:16:29 +0000 2017
Desp██ate Blood Ritualists Reopen Portal ██ Hell, Finding Only Charred Remain█ of Once-███████ Daemon Hordes
Sun Jan 01 08:15:55 +0000 2017
UP███E: Fo██age Con███ms Na██less C██poration Forces "Atomized D█wn to the Symbiote"
Sun Jan 01 08:13:32 +0000 2017
Wielding "Discontinued Item #7," Sur██ving Board Members of Nameless C██poration Lead Clanking, Steam-█████ing Drones A██inst ███els
Sun Jan 01 08:12:37 +0000 2017
B██AK█NG: ENTIRE ALBANIAN BONE-HORDE R██DUCED T█ "GLEAMING CINDERS"
Sun Jan 01 08:10:23 +0000 2017
Al██nian Bonelord Donjeta the Despoiler Leads Alban██n Bone-Horde in S██cidal At██ck A█ainst Angels in Europe
Sun Jan 01 08:09:50 +0000 2017
BREAKING: CLINTON, SANDERS FALL
Sun Jan 01 08:08:40 +0000 2017
Clin██n, S█nders Lead Joint Ar█y of For█st An██mals, Underbeast█ in "Last Desperate Strike" Against Sixth, S██enth █████s
Sun Jan 01 08:08:25 +0000 2017
Witnesses: Bone Sorceress Supreme Xylinda Overblight Climbing Upon Sacrificial Altar, As Samedra Thunderflage Draws Blazing Dagger
Sun Jan 01 08:06:36 +0000 2017
BREAKING: TRUMP STRUCK DOWN
Sun Jan 01 08:05:13 +0000 2017
Trump, Swelling to Hundreds of Times Original Size, Wielding Skyscraper Like Club, Assails Seventh Angel, Frothing With Rage
Sun Jan 01 08:05:01 +0000 2017
Sixth, Seventh Angels Destroy Moscow, London; Queens Desdemona, Vasilyeva, Voronskaya Confirmed Dead
Sun Jan 01 08:04:29 +0000 2017
"Nothing Remains" of Charles J. Bloodhorn, Retinue, Say Surviving Witnesses
Sun Jan 01 08:02:40 +0000 2017
BREAKING: CHARLES J. BLOODHORN KILLED IN STRIKE AGAINST SIXTH, SEVENTH ANGELS
Sun Jan 01 08:02:16 +0000 2017
Charles J. Bloodhorn, Swathed in Baleful Aura, Leads Hundreds of Figures in Red Armani Suits in Direct Strike Against Radiant Figures in Sky
Sun Jan 01 08:01:27 +0000 2017
YOU ███████████ I ████████████ NO ████████████████████████ — @ApprovedNews5
Sun Jan 01 07:59:56 +0000 2017
YOU WILL NOT ███████ VICTORY I WILL NOT █████████ HERALD OF ALL CONTAMINATED ███████ FATHER OF THE NEW AGE ███████ WILL NOT SUCCUMB — @ApprovedNews5
Sun Jan 01 07:59:49 +0000 2017
seven angels marching forth
Sun Jan 01 07:58:29 +0000 2017
seven thrones seven courts
Sun Jan 01 07:58:21 +0000 2017
████████████████████████ Seven Thrones & Seven Courts; Seven Angels Marching Forth ██████████████████████████████
Sun Jan 01 07:57:55 +0000 2017
Contact Lo█t With Texas, Northern California, New York; Millio█s in Neighboring States Bl█nded by "█████ of █████ing L█ght"
Sun Jan 01 07:57:02 +0000 2017
Wise Witch of th█ Whisp█ring Woods Collapses Weeping, ████████ Catatonic ███████████ "No Escape" ███████ "All I█ L█st"
Sun Jan 01 07:55:19 +0000 2017
Illuminati Inner Circle Launches Emergency Escape Rocket to Mars REDACTED Facility
Sun Jan 01 07:54:16 +0000 2017
Approved News 6 Bone Oracles Attempt to Scry D.C.; All Instantly Reduced to Ash by Surging White Flame
Sun Jan 01 07:53:32 +0000 2017
UPDATE: All Contact Lost With State of Illinois
Sun Jan 01 07:52:34 +0000 2017
Contact Lost With City of Chicago; Last Recovered Video Frame ███████ "Sword of Burning Light" ███████ "Taller Than the Tallest Skyscraper"
Sun Jan 01 07:52:19 +0000 2017
Monks of the Bronze Mask Gather Silently in Forsaken Mountain Village, Commit Mass Ritual Suicide
Sun Jan 01 07:50:26 +0000 2017
"S██ven Thr█nes & Seven Courts; Sev█n Angels Riding Forth:" Newslord █ █████ Hands ██████████ Dead in Bathtub ███████ Eyes Gouged Out
Sun Jan 01 07:49:39 +0000 2017
Enthralled Citizens at Site of Epic Bone Ritual Enscribing "Enormous Rune" Across City in Own Blood, Many Falling Exsanguinated
Sun Jan 01 07:47:25 +0000 2017
Air Force Scrambles Bombers, NORAD Launches ICBM Strikes Against Radiant Figures in Sky
Sun Jan 01 07:43:38 +0000 2017
"Seven Years & S█ven Spades; Seven A██els Forging Blades:" News Engines Begin Producing Single Phrase Over & Over
Sun Jan 01 07:42:40 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Radiant Figures With Wings Miles Along Appearing in Skies Above New York, Austin, San Francisco, & Detroit
Sun Jan 01 07:41:18 +0000 2017
Approved News 6 Regional Branch Reports Mushroom Cloud Over D.C.
Sun Jan 01 07:40:11 +0000 2017
"Sev█n Gates & Seven Rings, Seven An█els Courting Kings:" Newslord 1 Enters Prophetic Trance
Sun Jan 01 07:39:32 +0000 2017
Contact Lost With Approved News 6 D.C. Branch
Sun Jan 01 07:37:53 +0000 2017
"Th█y Are Marching Forth:" Wise Witch of the Whispering Woods Appears in Reporter's Dream, Weeping & Panicked
Sun Jan 01 07:37:18 +0000 2017
Oregon City: At "Terrible Cost," Bone Sorceress Supreme Deploys Spell of Infinite Compulsion to Conscript Entire State Into Epic Bone Ritual
Sun Jan 01 07:36:07 +0000 2017
BREAKING: RADIANT FIGURE IN SKY INCINERATES PRESIDENT OBAMA, WHITE HOUSE WITH SINGLE CONTEMPTUOUS GESTURE
Sun Jan 01 07:34:51 +0000 2017
Screaming Soundlessly, Obama Unleashes Full Power of Presidency, Obelisks Against Radiant Figure in Sky
Sun Jan 01 07:33:00 +0000 2017
"Single Blinding Figure" Seen in Sky Over D.C., Wings "of Fire & Light" Stretching "Miles in Every Direction"
Sun Jan 01 07:32:08 +0000 2017
Obama, Surrounded by Blood-Red Ravens, Bursts Through Roof of White House, Wielding Whalebone Scepter
Sun Jan 01 07:31:31 +0000 2017
D.C. in Chaos as Beating of Wings Drowns Out All Other Sounds
Sun Jan 01 07:30:49 +0000 2017
BREAKING: Sun Appears In Sky At All Points On Earth, Growing Brighter With Each Passing Second
Sun Jan 01 07:29:55 +0000 2017
New Year's Eve: Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York Declares "Stage Imminent Opportunity," Ramps Up Symbiote Implantation
Sun Jan 01 07:26:53 +0000 2017
New Year's Eve: South Florida Declares "Sitch HUNGRY GATOR," Recalls Coke Dealers to President's Apartment
Sun Jan 01 07:23:02 +0000 2017
New Years Eve: Bone Sorceress Supreme Samedra Thunderflange Issues Ominous Pronouncement, Prepares Epic Bone Ritual
Sun Jan 01 07:16:58 +0000 2017
New Year's Eve: Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities Declares "Code TEARFUL INFANT," Readies Long-Range Nuclear Philanthropy Fleet
Sun Jan 01 07:13:52 +0000 2017
New Year's Eve: Newslords Declare "News Condition Impending Scoop;" Command News Engines Brought to Full Power
Sun Jan 01 07:11:56 +0000 2017
New Year's Eve: "Think of the Children," Report Concerned Parents, Readying Thinkpiece Brigade, Barricading Entrance to PTA Conference Room
Sun Jan 01 07:08:13 +0000 2017
New Year's Eve: Blood-Soaked Maidens of the Cold Sword Declare "SITUATIO HAERESIS MAGNA DOLOROSA," Order All Battallions to Readiness
Sun Jan 01 07:06:57 +0000 2017
New Year's Eve: Forbidden Lands Shadow Council Performs Somber Dance Upon the Moor, Deploys Team of Wise Sea Captains With Mysterious Pasts
Sun Jan 01 07:00:58 +0000 2017
New Year's Eve: Council of Twelve Raises "Threat Condition Mottled Taupe," Readies Oneiric Strike Teams
Sun Jan 01 06:59:18 +0000 2017
New Year's Eve: Illuminati Declares "Case WISTFUL CRANE;" Orders All Units Activated
Sun Jan 01 06:57:18 +0000 2017
US Military Goes to DEFCON 1 as End of 2016 Approaches
Sun Jan 01 06:55:09 +0000 2017
COUNTERPOINT: Hearken, Ye Unworthy, For the Crimetide Is Nigh
Sat Dec 31 22:21:06 +0000 2016
OPINION: It's Time to Legalize Being Horny
Sat Dec 31 22:19:06 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Florida Man Escapes Shame Cube
Sat Dec 31 19:15:22 +0000 2016
Red Cross Forbids Use of Kinkshaming Against Enemy Combatants
Sat Dec 31 19:14:52 +0000 2016
"I Think That's a Bit of a Leap at the Moment, Don't You?" Pressed to Confirm Election of Trump, Secretary of the Blindingly Obvious Demurs
Fri Dec 30 19:57:40 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Department of the Blindingly Obvious Warns That Russia Exists
Fri Dec 30 19:55:45 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 HOW FUCKING DARE THEY — @joe_no_body
Fri Dec 30 19:46:57 +0000 2016
Department of the Blindingly Obvious Confirms 2016 Presidential Election Happened
Fri Dec 30 19:19:56 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 @AbrazoHouse "No machine but God!" reply the faithful — @HopeGraceFury
Fri Dec 30 19:06:29 +0000 2016
Avatar of the Ninth Radiant Progression Faces Tax Evasion Charges
Fri Dec 30 18:39:44 +0000 2016
"No God But The Machine," Say Experts in Perfect Unison, Voices Hollow And Monotone, Reverberating Impossibly in the Darkness
Fri Dec 30 18:35:48 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 We all know you mean "submerges to brood her eggs until they hatch at the Forthcoming Call". — @_HaikusGoddess
Fri Dec 30 07:46:22 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 I served on "Old Sporky" during the Atlantean wars of '37. Took me years to get the smell out. Good riddance, I say. — @tom_forsyth
Fri Dec 30 07:33:44 +0000 2016
ACLU Warns Trump Could Use Government Owl Men to Stifle Civil Liberties
Fri Dec 30 07:33:31 +0000 2016
USS Implement of Perversion Scuttled Off Coast of Forbidden Lands Due to "Contamination"
Fri Dec 30 07:29:57 +0000 2016
Pressed on Retaliation, Russia's God-Empress Vasilyeva Reaffirms Commitment to Incinerate West with Bone Magic
Fri Dec 30 06:15:03 +0000 2016
In Retaliation for Perceived Interference in Election, Obama Places Dancing Curse on 35 Russian Diplomats
Fri Dec 30 03:43:30 +0000 2016
Rome Animal Control Corners Pope Francis, Papal Orb After Frantic Citywide Chase
Fri Dec 30 02:52:19 +0000 2016
"Men's Rites Activists" Gather in Colorado to Hold Annual Dick-Measuring Contest, Shirtless Games of Beer Pong
Fri Dec 30 02:45:41 +0000 2016
Kerry: Epistemic Devices "Clear Precursor" to Ontological Weaponry
Thu Dec 29 21:48:40 +0000 2016
BREAKING: State Department Confirms China Has "Successfully Detonated" Epistemological Weapon
Thu Dec 29 21:47:23 +0000 2016
Lizard King of Brooklyn Faces Criticism for "Counterproductive" Beheadings
Thu Dec 29 19:16:17 +0000 2016
Poll: Most Attractive Qualities in a Woman "Dread Visage," "Aura of Compulsion," & "Scent of Mist-Shrouded Grove Upon the Mountain"
Thu Dec 29 19:00:29 +0000 2016
"The Breakfast of Compliance:" Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York to Begin Offering "Proleslaw" to Low-Value Workers
Thu Dec 29 18:55:08 +0000 2016
EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Meet the Washingon Times' New Editor-in-Chief, Nar-Balzaggaroth the Devourer of Dreams
Thu Dec 29 08:23:41 +0000 2016
Witnesses Report Protesters' Voices "More Beast Than Man," Moon "Slowly Turning Red" Over White House
Thu Dec 29 05:53:51 +0000 2016
"Blood And Sin:" 7-Foot Protesters in Grotesque Wooden Masks, Tattered Cloaks Gather on National Mall, Chant Single Phrase Over & Over
Thu Dec 29 05:53:06 +0000 2016
North Carolina Republicans Pass Bill Outawing Moon, Integer Division, & the Color Purple
Thu Dec 29 04:55:43 +0000 2016
Wisconsin Sinks
Thu Dec 29 00:25:08 +0000 2016
Ribcage Confiscated From Florida Man Detonates in Police Custody
Wed Dec 28 18:25:36 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 they should be thankful, some countries don’t even have indoor blood plumbing — @AndrewNCassidy
Wed Dec 28 17:51:48 +0000 2016
Coffee Mines Come Under Attack by Rampaging "Caffiends"
Wed Dec 28 06:52:11 +0000 2016
Illuminati Releases Heavily-Redacted 700-Page List of Extremely Specific Denials
Wed Dec 28 02:28:20 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 We don't get that, but our water eats through galvanized pipe and stainless steel tubing every 10 years help (true story) — @breakingcreech
Wed Dec 28 00:14:04 +0000 2016
Utility Failures Continue to Plague Michigan: "Our Faucets Are Running With Blood," Say Locals
Wed Dec 28 00:11:36 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, Nameless Corporation Spokesdrone Unhinges Face, Scalds Reporter With Cloud of Steam
Wed Dec 28 00:10:07 +0000 2016
Nameless Corporation in Ruins of New York Pledges to "Work With" Trump Administration
Wed Dec 28 00:03:00 +0000 2016
Extremely useful for those of us working in Silicon Valley https://t.co/FKi6nOduBD — @BlueSpaceCanary
Wed Dec 28 00:01:54 +0000 2016
SPONSORED: Politics Got You Down? Ask Your Doctor if Morality Suppressants Are Right For You!
Tue Dec 27 23:58:56 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Experimental Results Show Tweeting May Be A Sin
Tue Dec 27 23:43:37 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 honestly didn't expect lightning glands out of that particular combination — @Chirurgic
Tue Dec 27 23:26:34 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Nothing shocks me anymore. But then, I've seen the Orb. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Tue Dec 27 23:26:24 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 I think that’s how they get Blue Heeler cattle dogs. — @substitute
Tue Dec 27 20:43:54 +0000 2016
These Australian Death Cultists Injected a Blood-Mad Dingo With the Nebraska Terror-Serum: What Happened Next Will Shock You
Tue Dec 27 19:55:52 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Like Fairy Queen, Data Witch Does Not Exist, Cannot Be Compromised — @jacksonferrell
Tue Dec 27 06:37:57 +0000 2016
"Data Which Does Not Exist Cannot Be Compromised:" "InfoSec Extremists" Arrested After Firebombing Public Library
Tue Dec 27 06:31:32 +0000 2016
Pressed on Trump, Obama Waggles Finger Knowingly, Corrects Reporter's Grammar
Mon Dec 26 22:59:49 +0000 2016
TRUMP: “Huge threat, the best threat, I picked the best-qualified philosophers, unpresidented graveness, I know all… https://t.co/sLkFsWKyDv — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Dec 26 21:36:42 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 What could possibly be more destructive than ontological weapons? We must be limited to conventional epistemic weapons. — @enkiv2
Mon Dec 26 21:33:06 +0000 2016
An "Epidemic," Says Secretary Kingsley Hellthrash: "Children as Young as Twelve" Spending "Hours" Each Day "Getting High on Gender"
Mon Dec 26 21:29:23 +0000 2016
Department of Blood, Sex, & Death: America Must Fight to Curb Gender Addiction Among At-Risk Teens
Mon Dec 26 21:27:25 +0000 2016
Mitt Romney: "We Are Imprisoned In A World Without Eyes;" "Let Us Bleed The Firmament & Make Good Our Escape"
Mon Dec 26 20:57:44 +0000 2016
Controversial New MIT Policy to Bar Professors from Eating Own Young
Mon Dec 26 20:32:22 +0000 2016
COUNTERPOINT: Meaning Is But the Rusting Shackles Which Yoke Our Souls to Mortality; Let Fly the Bombs That We Might Yet Transcend
Mon Dec 26 20:18:19 +0000 2016
OPINION: Trump's Willingness to Use Ontological Weapons Poses A Grave Threat to Humanity
Mon Dec 26 20:16:32 +0000 2016
INTERNATIONAL: Abstract Empress of the Eighth Electric Empire Affirms Cyber-Treaty With Shark King of Under-Australia
Mon Dec 26 19:28:50 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 as a (literal) diehard fan of Terrorcube, I can't say the community didn't see this coming — @LucyRomana
Mon Dec 26 17:45:41 +0000 2016
Interviewed experts then nervously proceeded to hail the orb — @softfennec
Mon Dec 26 09:35:34 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 EXPERTS: band may also be “in violation of Terror Orb” — @softfennec
Mon Dec 26 09:35:26 +0000 2016
Dreadpunk Band "We Beseech the Terrorcube" Arrested in Low Earth Orbit For Spacecrime
Mon Dec 26 09:26:45 +0000 2016
Sex Islands Vore to Pull Out of Erotican Repubic
Mon Dec 26 08:22:54 +0000 2016
Anxious Virginia Residents Report "A Howling in the Eaves," "Laughter in the Wind," "Strange Shapes Beneath the Water"
Mon Dec 26 05:34:03 +0000 2016
COUNTERPOINT: The Tree of Liberty Must At Times Be Watered With the Blood of Patriots
Mon Dec 26 04:45:14 +0000 2016
OPINION: Stop Me Before I Kill Again
Mon Dec 26 04:44:33 +0000 2016
Affluenza Spreads to Alligators
Mon Dec 26 03:47:00 +0000 2016
Trump Refuses To Explain Why He Has Been Hovering Upside Down Over A Dumpster All Afternoon
Mon Dec 26 00:29:11 +0000 2016
"Your Mom," Say Experts, Gesticulating Rudely
Sun Dec 25 20:02:21 +0000 2016
Speaking to Nation, Obama Declares "Final Victory" Over Christmas, Signs Bill to Create New Federal Holiday in Celebration
Sun Dec 25 18:43:55 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/RrthvNlHPs — @AndrewNCassidy
Sun Dec 25 17:19:41 +0000 2016
Scientists Develop World's First Digitally-Transmitted Cancer
Sun Dec 25 07:54:51 +0000 2016
REMINDER: Support Approved News 6 — Donate Money, Dried Yak Teeth, or American Biomass Now https://t.co/KHkGIAcmfi
Sun Dec 25 07:41:15 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Arch-General Horace the Undying Heroically Sacrifices Self to Celebrate Prevention of Christmas
Sun Dec 25 07:40:30 +0000 2016
OPINION: It Happened To Me — I Laid Waste to the Crimson Dream Prison And Now My Houseplants Scream When I Do Yoga
Sun Dec 25 07:39:28 +0000 2016
@velartrill @ApprovedNews6 raging imprisoned firebeast living under mountain really misses nephew, wishes he'd at least call once in a while — @trochee
Sun Dec 25 07:35:05 +0000 2016
INTERNATIONAL: Aunt Etna Erupts
Sun Dec 25 07:15:41 +0000 2016
In Jab at "Ineffectual" Romney, Trump Vows to Kill The Dancing Man, "Once the Claw At Last Is Mine"
Sun Dec 25 07:15:16 +0000 2016
"I Was So Afraid I'd Lose My Son," "Now We Never Have To Fear the Little Helpers Again," Says Mother of Naughty Child
Sun Dec 25 06:19:50 +0000 2016
Report: All Across the Earth, Humans, Non-Humans Alike Rising in Jubilation to Celebrate End of Christmas
Sun Dec 25 06:18:31 +0000 2016
"I Meant to Do That:" Trump Claims Credit for Eradication of Christmas, Disappearance of Santa Claus
Sun Dec 25 06:15:37 +0000 2016
Sources: JCDF Will Maintain "Close Surveillance" of North Pole, But Scourge of Christmas Likely "Forever Eradicated"
Sun Dec 25 06:14:57 +0000 2016
"Christmas Is Canceled, Boys!" Arch-General Horace the Undying Orders Bomber Back to Base, Suggests Worldwide Celebration
Sun Dec 25 06:14:26 +0000 2016
Bone Analysts: Desolation of North Pole "Almost Certainly" Caused by GOP Ritual to Resurrect Trump, Shatter All Laws of Spirit & Magic
Sun Dec 25 06:12:32 +0000 2016
JCDF Bone Oracles: North Pole Has Become "A Hole in the World;" "Spiritually Empty"
Sun Dec 25 06:11:46 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Arch-General Horace the Undying Heroically Sacrifices Self to Issue Press Release
Sun Dec 25 06:09:54 +0000 2016
"Only Debris Remains" of Claus Lair: Spore Spires "Collapsed;" REDACTED Facilities "Crumbling Ruins"
Sun Dec 25 06:09:40 +0000 2016
Scans Show 100-Kilometer Region "Devoid of Life & Warmth"
Sun Dec 25 06:08:14 +0000 2016
"Desolation as Far As the Eye Can See:" JCDF Reports Santa Claus' Lair "Utterly Deserted"
Sun Dec 25 06:07:07 +0000 2016
JCDF Bomber Reaches North Pole
Sun Dec 25 06:06:26 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Arch-General Horace the Undying Heroically Sacrifices Self to Prevent Crewman From Bumping Elbow On Sharp Surface
Sun Dec 25 06:05:37 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Arch-General Horace the Undying Heroically Sacrifices Self to Congratulate Engineer on Recent Promotion
Sun Dec 25 06:03:26 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Arch-General Horace the Undying Heroically Sacrifices Self to Inspect Bomber's Nuclear Payload
Sun Dec 25 06:02:52 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Arch-General Horace the Undying Heroically Sacrifices Self to Cheer Up Co-Pilot
Sun Dec 25 06:01:47 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Arch-General Horace the Undying Heroically Sacrifices Self to Repair "Slightly Wobbly" Chair in JCDF Bomber
Sun Dec 25 05:59:44 +0000 2016
"All The Earth Must Know:" Striking Heroic Pose, Arch-General Horace the Undying Orders Suspension of Media Blackout Protocols
Sun Dec 25 05:56:32 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 "It's Actually Really Annoying. He Goes Out, Dies Heroically, and Like a Month Later He's Back in the Office" — @joe_no_body
Sun Dec 25 05:53:40 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Fricken NORAD Santa tracker never doing their job, I'VE HAD MISSILE-TOW ON MY HOUSE WHILE HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE IN SWEDEN. — @theredlongitude
Sun Dec 25 05:53:36 +0000 2016
PoleWatch Spokesman on Arch-General Horace the Undying: "He Literally Never Stays Dead," "This Is Like the Seventh Suicide Mission He's Led"
Sun Dec 25 05:46:52 +0000 2016
Sources: Arch-General Horace the Undying Will Personally Lead Suicide Mission to North Pole, in "Tedious" Demonstration of Heroism
Sun Dec 25 05:45:58 +0000 2016
"To Put It Bluntly, We Have No Idea What This Means:" JCDF Preparing for "Worst-Case Scenario"
Sun Dec 25 05:44:46 +0000 2016
Amid Rising Panic, Arch-General Horace the Undying Authorizes Suicide Mission to Scout North Pole
Sun Dec 25 05:43:49 +0000 2016
"This Is Without Precedent:" Joint Christmas Defense Force Reports "Zero Activity" From North Pole
Sun Dec 25 05:42:51 +0000 2016
Association for the Promotion of Space Crime to Crowdfund Orbital Meth Lab
Sat Dec 24 21:43:13 +0000 2016
"Let Us Sup Nightly Upon the Blood of God:" Trump to Host Celebratory Dinner in Nightmares of Political Allies
Sat Dec 24 17:01:20 +0000 2016
Just a reminder, for only a dollar or two a month, your contribution allows @ApprovedNews6 to continue reporting on… https://t.co/6z4iMKPfks — @NorWesternCrow
Sat Dec 24 03:47:39 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, Sanders Leads Reporters Away to Drown in River With Enchanted Fiddle
Sat Dec 24 03:30:05 +0000 2016
Trump: "Bernie Sanders Has Placed A Spider-Curse Upon My Family"
Sat Dec 24 03:20:22 +0000 2016
Ghost Reactor Meltdown in Kansas Leads to Widespread Hauntings
Sat Dec 24 02:19:05 +0000 2016
Former Teen Arrested in Connection With Gruesome Jaywalking Case
Fri Dec 23 19:37:07 +0000 2016
Missile Defense Begins With Positive Thinking, Says Pentagon
Fri Dec 23 18:11:01 +0000 2016
Trump Picks Ben Dover to Head Department of Health & Human Services
Fri Dec 23 05:57:08 +0000 2016
Ontological Libertarians Decry "Prohibition" of "Alternative Worldviews," Citing Drop in Violent Crime Associated With Legal Neocalvinism
Fri Dec 23 04:58:06 +0000 2016
Early Exposure to Socratic Method Can Lead To "Hampered Development," "Lifetime Psychological Damage," Say Doctors
Fri Dec 23 04:55:02 +0000 2016
Early Exposure to Socratic Method Can Lead To "Hampered Development," "Lifetime Psychological Damage," Say Doctors
Fri Dec 23 04:55:02 +0000 2016
Concerned Parents: More & More Teens "Shooting Up Post-Structuralism" Every Year
Fri Dec 23 04:51:53 +0000 2016
Experts: Black Market Ontologies, Illicit Social Structures "Can Be Worth Thousands of Dollars Each"
Fri Dec 23 04:49:04 +0000 2016
Immigration & Customs Officials Report "Major Increase" in Volume of Illegal Concepts Seized at Border
Fri Dec 23 04:47:18 +0000 2016
A good way to ring in the new year is to support @ApprovedNews6 on Patreon. You will wish your 2017 merely contained pain cannons — @pookleblinky
Fri Dec 23 04:44:24 +0000 2016
"Things Aren't Real;" "Events Don't Actually Happen:" Trump Adviser Gingrich Sneers at Accusations of Corruption
Fri Dec 23 02:51:42 +0000 2016
Meet the Cabal of Masked Figures Speaking in Monotone Unison That Wants to End Slug-Shaming Once & For All
Thu Dec 22 20:09:34 +0000 2016
Disturbing New Report Shows Many Teens Circumventing Drug Laws by Not Using Drugs
Thu Dec 22 13:55:37 +0000 2016
Are Fairy Hexes on Popular Clothing Lines Promoting Enslavement of American Citizens by BDSM-Crazed Elves? We Review the Shocking Evidence
Thu Dec 22 12:54:51 +0000 2016
Erotican Repubic's Opposition Party Forced to Make "Hard Choices" After Leading Candidate Pulls Out
Thu Dec 22 12:53:51 +0000 2016
Erotican Repubic's President-Erect Faces Penetrating Questions from Members of the Press
Thu Dec 22 12:40:00 +0000 2016
READ NOW: Florida's Epidemic of Cursed Cocaine & Its Lessons for American Drug Policy
Thu Dec 22 12:23:11 +0000 2016
New Study Suggests Common Antidepressants May Cause Chronic Vampirism in Teens
Thu Dec 22 12:04:49 +0000 2016
Nonhumans Take to Twitter to Lambaste Southern Planar Law Center's "Radical Human Agenda" https://t.co/23ESSs0Iea
Wed Dec 21 22:02:46 +0000 2016
Southern Planar Law Center: "Alt-Wight" Movement "New Name" for "Old-School Wight Nationalism;" "Must Not Be Legitimized"
Wed Dec 21 21:46:08 +0000 2016
@PithyOrNot @ApprovedNews6 The “wespectable” wight won’t disavow them, though. — @substitute
Wed Dec 21 21:11:57 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 And let's call it what it is, it's not Alt-Wight, it's disgusting Neo-Necrophages trying to force their view of the world. — @PithyOrNot
Wed Dec 21 21:10:44 +0000 2016
good 2 see longtime friend getting recognition it deserves, #LikeUntoTheAncientTimes !! #SoTrue https://t.co/vknRksjsta — @realKhaddaraz
Wed Dec 21 21:08:54 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Ugh. I just don't understand how that easily puppeteered flesh-golem they call a "leader" got elected. — @PithyOrNot
Wed Dec 21 21:08:21 +0000 2016
Kellyanne Conway: Obama Has "Buried The Claw" in "White House Yard" to "Keep Its Power" From "Our Ever-Lengthening Grasp"
Wed Dec 21 21:07:03 +0000 2016
Conservatives Furious as Trump Downplays Campaign Pledge to Rouse the Great Golden Beast
Wed Dec 21 21:01:48 +0000 2016
Flaying of Innocents, Festivals of Blood "Cornerstones of Unearthly Culture," "Victims of Humanist Censorship," Says the Alt-Wight
Wed Dec 21 21:00:13 +0000 2016
"We Need To Stop Coddling Lazy Humans:" Alt-Wight Activists Call for Abolition of Sun, Return to Molten Iron Atmosphere
Wed Dec 21 20:50:35 +0000 2016
Alt-Wight Icon CLATTER OF CHAINS IN FORGOTTEN ATTIC: "Mortals Must Be As Weeping Slaves And Toil Eternal For Our Insatiable Bloodthirst"
Wed Dec 21 20:43:03 +0000 2016
These Trendy New Ghouls Have No Time For "Astral Correctness:" We Interview Leading Members of the Alt-Wight
Wed Dec 21 20:33:15 +0000 2016
We need these brave souls more than ever now in the wake of the recent nightmare shortage. Donate today! https://t.co/dXsq2W0g37 — @MonsieurLongIII
Wed Dec 21 20:25:02 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment on Spiregate, Illuminati Redacts Reporter, Entire Family
Wed Dec 21 19:39:09 +0000 2016
Meet 7 Charming Nazi War Criminals You'd Never Guess Are Cool Again - You Won't Believe Number 4 is Still Alive
Wed Dec 21 18:24:33 +0000 2016
New Missouri Law Would Allow Children to be Tried in Court as Crime Elementals
Wed Dec 21 18:22:42 +0000 2016
Suppurating Chalice of Limitless Torment to be Sold at Auction, Despite Protests From Its Infinite Victims
Wed Dec 21 11:26:52 +0000 2016
I implore everyone to oppose this overreach. Human authorities have no jurisdiction over the realm of dreams and ni… https://t.co/gxQPeg2jqR — @tweetsthecreeps
Wed Dec 21 06:44:45 +0000 2016
Oh of course, the head of a federal department can evade questions by crawling up sleeves and napping, but when I t… https://t.co/6ikTAkpL45 — @listelian
Tue Dec 20 22:25:30 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment on Supreme Court Ruling, Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Kingsley Hellthrash Crawls Up Reporter's Sleeve, Falls Asleep
Tue Dec 20 20:55:48 +0000 2016
Supreme Court Rules Crime Heresy "Outside Jurisdiction" of Department of Blood, Sex, & Death
Tue Dec 20 20:51:07 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 silly news service, who said that you were awake in the first place? — @ShinNovaheart
Tue Dec 20 19:33:32 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 I and the thousands of mantises with my fathers face crawling out of my skin vehemently disagree with this. — @TheBoundWatcher
Tue Dec 20 18:51:13 +0000 2016
BIG GOVERNMENT AT IT'S WORST !! how is oneiric community suposed 2 reach our fans w/ this overrgulation? WRITE YOUR… https://t.co/qyHbNxvcp0 — @realKhaddaraz
Tue Dec 20 18:31:44 +0000 2016
"What Lives There Must Never Escape:" Bill Before Senate Would Ban Tweeting From Your Dreams
Tue Dec 20 18:29:14 +0000 2016
Concerned Parents Accuse "Anime" of "Teaching Teens" to "Brew Crime Potions"
Tue Dec 20 07:06:59 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Dammit. Then how am I tweeting. *opens eyes* WHY ARE THERE 140 CHARACTERS CARVED ON THIS BIRD IN MY HAND!? SO MUCH BLOOD! — @derwolfanwalt
Tue Dec 20 00:41:06 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 i read it on the internet so it must be true — @wehpudicabok
Mon Dec 19 23:08:52 +0000 2016
"Shocking" New Report Suggests Internet "May Not Actually Exist"
Mon Dec 19 21:49:30 +0000 2016
Fans of Xul'boroggoth the Inexorable Organize Scream-In at District Attorney's Office to Protest "Unjustifiable Exorcism"
Sun Dec 18 19:41:51 +0000 2016
much love for @ApprovedNews6 ! ONLY real news left in business, very fair reporting 💯 — @realKhaddaraz
Sun Dec 18 06:29:09 +0000 2016
Khaddaraz the Foul Takes Strong Stance for Freedom of REDACTED https://t.co/4l4dmxReKn
Sun Dec 18 06:08:12 +0000 2016
Improperly De-Boned Potatoes "Kill Millions Each Year," New Study Warns
Sun Dec 18 02:49:03 +0000 2016
SPONSORED: https://t.co/4qrqUTTi9R
Sat Dec 17 21:39:27 +0000 2016
MEAL-SHARE STARTUP “UNGER” TESTING SELF-EATING MEAL: SOURCES — @substitute
Sat Dec 17 21:38:26 +0000 2016
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: Don't Let Existential Decay REDACTED Your Liver! See Your Ontologist Today & Get Tested
Sat Dec 17 21:20:02 +0000 2016
@AndrewNCassidy @ApprovedNews6 No, that's the secretary of torment, Dolan Tramp. — @King_Of_Flesh
Sat Dec 17 10:41:33 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, Khaddaraz the Foul, Devourer of Kings, Fell Wind of the North & Bane of the Righteous, Decries Twitter as "P.C. Police"
Sat Dec 17 10:00:34 +0000 2016
Twitter Revokes Verified Status of 7 Gods in Apparent Retaliation for Recent Smitings
Sat Dec 17 09:59:00 +0000 2016
Which of the 470 Groups Claiming to Have Stolen 2016 Election Really Did? We Examine the Evidence, Tomorrow Night at 8/7c
Sat Dec 17 09:55:02 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, Big Goat Flattens Dozens of Reporters Beneath Hoof
Sat Dec 17 09:50:11 +0000 2016
"That Goat's Not Even Very Big," "I've Seen Way Bigger Goats:" Trump Dismisses Big Goat's Criticism
Sat Dec 17 09:49:39 +0000 2016
Trump May Face "Icy Reception" From Big Goat Lobbyists
Sat Dec 17 09:48:22 +0000 2016
Are Your Teens Drinking Crime Potions in Cursed Warehouses? Learn the Signs, Before It's Too Late
Sat Dec 17 09:34:37 +0000 2016
This Amibitious Silicon Valley Startup Wants to Disrupt Heterosexuality
Sat Dec 17 09:26:25 +0000 2016
REVIEWS: New Book Uncovers the Shocking Legacy of Clandestine Soviet Sex Facilities on American Soil
Sat Dec 17 05:29:58 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 What is happening to our country? The secretary of pain is supposed to wear a ski mask, not a balaclava — @AndrewNCassidy
Sat Dec 17 05:15:20 +0000 2016
"What? We're Not Plotting Anything," "Not Scheming At All:" Empress-Consort Natalya Voronskaya Visibly Struggles to Suppress Laughter
Sat Dec 17 01:51:45 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, Empresses Vasilyeva, Voronskaya Grin At Each Other, Snicker Loudly
Sat Dec 17 01:49:05 +0000 2016
God-Empress Anastasiya Vasilyeva of Russia Denies Hacking American Election: "I Would Never Loose the Yellow Defiler Upon My Hated Foes"
Sat Dec 17 01:47:18 +0000 2016
FBI Director James Comey Seen Atop Senate Rotunda, Hurling Jawbones At Staffers
Sat Dec 17 01:28:12 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, Trump Howls Seventh Syllable of Desecration Above Snapping of Shattered Bones
Sat Dec 17 01:26:52 +0000 2016
Republicans Condemn "The Irresistible Unseen Force" as "Far-Left Terrorist" With "Long Record" of "Unjustified Violence"
Sat Dec 17 01:24:28 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Trump Being Slammed Repeatedly Into Washington Monument by Unseen Force
Sat Dec 17 01:23:00 +0000 2016
SHOCKER: Donald Trump's Secretary of Pain Nominee Dermald Termp Revealed to be Donald Trump in Ill-Fitting Balaclava
Sat Dec 17 01:03:57 +0000 2016
New Liberal Think Tank to "Reshape Reality" Through "Sheer Force of Opinion," Founder Explains
Sat Dec 17 01:02:26 +0000 2016
D.C.'s Wild Sledgehog Population Becoming "Serious Problem" for Road Maintenance Crews
Sat Dec 17 00:58:48 +0000 2016
@Bootsy_Collins had a great solo on "Smoking the Great Archfungus" https://t.co/xkv7IWusQA — @JamieCulpAuthor
Sat Dec 17 00:57:09 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 "Smoking the Great Archfungus" was the best George Clinton/P-Funk album ever — @JamieCulpAuthor
Sat Dec 17 00:56:42 +0000 2016
Concerned Parents Warn Teens May Be "Smoking the Great Archfungus," Becoming "Infested"
Sat Dec 17 00:51:48 +0000 2016
Prime Minister Melankholis Lugúbrio of Dismalia Issues Forlorn, Tear-Stained Press Release Decrying Ongoing Vore Efforts of Erotican Repubic
Fri Dec 16 22:24:58 +0000 2016
Two Trump Cabinet Members Diagnosed With Terminal Nazism by Oncologists
Fri Dec 16 21:59:13 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Secret Service Confirms 7 Cursed Figurines Mailed to White House; Investigation Ongoing
Fri Dec 16 21:29:09 +0000 2016
What Trump Presidency Will Mean For Legal Levitation, Astral Torment Rituals "Hard to Predict," Say Analysts
Fri Dec 16 21:27:07 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 I hear Hatch doesn't have eyelids so this could get seroius — @BlueSpaceCanary
Fri Dec 16 21:18:59 +0000 2016
Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT) Challenges Statue of Liberty to Staring Contest
Fri Dec 16 21:14:48 +0000 2016
New DHS Video Series Wants to Teach You to Fight Communism While You Sleep "In Just Seven Simple Steps"
Fri Dec 16 20:09:28 +0000 2016
"Teenage Miscreants" Arrested After "Bungled Attempt" to Steal Capitalism
Fri Dec 16 08:38:56 +0000 2016
Blood Edict of Constantinople Named "Law of the Year" by Lawyers Without Eyes
Fri Dec 16 00:08:41 +0000 2016
Pressed for Details, Experts Respond With Foreboding Wail
Thu Dec 15 23:04:59 +0000 2016
Experts: "OMINOUS CHANTING"
Thu Dec 15 23:03:15 +0000 2016
PUBLIC SAFETY ADVISORY: REDACTED
Thu Dec 15 22:02:56 +0000 2016
"And The Most Plausible," Say Experts https://t.co/4bAdhlA6UI
Thu Dec 15 08:55:53 +0000 2016
What Will A Trump Presidency Mean for the Faceless Adjutant & the Council of Whispers? We Ask the Shrieking Thing Lurking Inside Your Walls
Thu Dec 15 07:11:35 +0000 2016
OPINION: Obama Must Take Immediate Action To Prevent Trump From Wielding The Claw
Thu Dec 15 02:38:39 +0000 2016
Should We Be More Open-Minded About Genocide? Our Panel of Experts Asks the Hard Questions, Tomorrow at 8/7c — Only on Approved News 6
Thu Dec 15 02:02:45 +0000 2016
Help Prevent Crime By Reciting These 7 Simple Incantations — They'll Only Hurt A Lot
Wed Dec 14 21:00:59 +0000 2016
Is Trump's Plan to Shut Down the Sun Really That Bad? Experts Call For "Reasoned Debate"
Wed Dec 14 17:49:26 +0000 2016
New DARPA Program Seeks to Unlock "Full Destructive Potential" of Origami
Wed Dec 14 17:48:35 +0000 2016
FUTURE NEWS, TODAY IN 2594: Space France Liberated from Control of Nazi Mars After Weeks of Brutal Cyberwar
Wed Dec 14 17:14:58 +0000 2016
Citing Radical Platonists' Attempt in January to "Reify All That Is Abstract," Experts Call for "Increased Scrutiny" of Activists
Wed Dec 14 05:03:31 +0000 2016
Cambridge Arrests Mark "Third Recent Incident" of "Philosophical Terror," Say Analysts
Wed Dec 14 05:01:38 +0000 2016
Police Sources: Terrorists Were "Radical Nihilists" Lead By Dr. Albrecht Bergstaller, Intent on "Absolute Annihilation of Meaning"
Wed Dec 14 04:57:25 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Terrorist Group Arrested Attempting to Construct Ontological Device; Semantic Precursors Recovered From Scene
Wed Dec 14 04:38:33 +0000 2016
ELECTION 2016: Electors Gathering at Standing Stones Nationwide to Receive Extracted Votes of Their Constituents
Tue Dec 13 20:57:09 +0000 2016
READ NOW: Spontaneous Human Combustion & Five Other Ways Donald Trump Could Be Prevented from Becoming President
Tue Dec 13 20:53:04 +0000 2016
Is It Time for the Government to Stop Coddling Survivors of the Third Impact? We Ask Our Expert Panel
Tue Dec 13 08:44:50 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 CNN: please don't watch us for the sake of your families and your ancestors — @ShinNovaheart
Tue Dec 13 07:18:10 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 for a second there, I thought I had to avoid her if I wanted to host a CNN talk show. — @baconshire
Tue Dec 13 07:18:04 +0000 2016
She Who Must Be Avoided to Host CNN Talk Show
Mon Dec 12 21:53:15 +0000 2016
Epidemic of Stolen Voices in Tennessee Leads to Discovery of Razortoothed Shriekling Nest
Sun Dec 11 22:27:24 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 when will reporters learn to do less pressing for comment. It's very bad for their health. — @secretGeek
Sun Dec 11 11:00:21 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, Governor of West Bearginia Roars Mightily, Mauls Reporter
Sun Dec 11 09:10:29 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 more like West Voreginia — @AndrewNCassidy
Sun Dec 11 09:10:09 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Secretary of Interior Eaten by Bears on Trip to West Bearginia
Sun Dec 11 09:07:54 +0000 2016
Face Obscured by Grotesque Kabuki Mask, Secretary of Interior Nominee Dungmold Chunk Denies Being Donald Trump in "Cartoonish Falsetto"
Sun Dec 11 06:25:41 +0000 2016
Secretary of Crime Nominee Dannald Tump Could Not be Reached For Comment on Scandals
Sun Dec 11 06:00:28 +0000 2016
Erotican Repubic Attacks Puritan Hegemony With Orbital Ass Driver
Sun Dec 11 05:54:43 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Trump Reaffirms Endorsement of Didnald Turmp — @massedriver
Sun Dec 11 05:42:36 +0000 2016
BREAKING: "Dronard Tromp" Revealed To Also Be Donald Trump After Wig Falls Off During Press Conference
Sun Dec 11 05:37:36 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Secretary of State Nominee Dronard Tromp Speaks Out to Deny Accusations Against Dagnald Trimp
Sun Dec 11 05:37:11 +0000 2016
SCANDAL: Secretary of Defense Nominee "Dagnald Trimp" Revealed to be Donald Trump in Fake Eyeglasses, Mustache
Sun Dec 11 05:34:49 +0000 2016
Shocking New Evidence Suggests Trump Campaign Received "Interplanar Aid" from "The Crime Dimension"
Sat Dec 10 18:41:38 +0000 2016
Fearing Wrath of Great News Cube, Obama Vows to Veto Bill Outlawing Cubes
Sat Dec 10 01:49:10 +0000 2016
We Asked the Great Chrome Hag These Seven Forbidden Questions - The Answers Will Shock You!
Sat Dec 10 01:05:40 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Great News Cube Smashes Way Out of Approved News 6 Dread Fortress, Accelerates Towards D.C.
Fri Dec 09 21:46:27 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 ... now only outlaws will have cubes. Maybe they think it's hip to be square. — @Omegatani
Fri Dec 09 21:44:00 +0000 2016
#Orbs4Life https://t.co/ooVoUTBfFB — @Swahili_Jones
Fri Dec 09 21:41:29 +0000 2016
Congress Votes to Outlaw Cubes
Fri Dec 09 21:38:36 +0000 2016
Newslord 6 Assaults Man With Baseball Bat: Support Our Hard-Hitting Journalism at https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Fri Dec 09 19:12:30 +0000 2016
Millions Dead From Impossible Disease, But No One Need Worry
Fri Dec 09 15:57:26 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 This immigration situation is out of control. Next they'll be under our beds, scaring our children + claiming state support! — @insomniacity
Fri Dec 09 13:12:29 +0000 2016
Trump's Thief of Staff Arrested After Attempting to Sell Multiple Cabinet Nominees in Pawn Shop
Thu Dec 08 21:57:02 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Undisclosed Location Tourism Board unveils "Schwarzchild Apparatus One-Way Sightseeing Tour" — @Chirurgic
Thu Dec 08 09:05:04 +0000 2016
Illuminati Releases Grainy, Heavily-Redacted Photos of "The Schwarzschild Apparatus" Under Construction at Undisclosed Location
Thu Dec 08 08:56:12 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 I'm writing a research paper about the Great Cleansing please choose one and RT. — @HyenaSpotz
Thu Dec 08 08:50:33 +0000 2016
BREAKING: https://t.co/0NKxJtBajT
Thu Dec 08 08:49:07 +0000 2016
American Sex Party Unveils Plan to "Revitalize the Slut Industry"
Thu Dec 08 08:46:04 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 THINKPIECE: WIthout the Great Cleansing, what are knives even for? — @Chirurgic
Thu Dec 08 08:35:43 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Opinion: The True Timing of the Great Cleansing is Lost to History, Only Invoked for Short Term Political Expedience — @formercrsc
Thu Dec 08 08:30:56 +0000 2016
COUNTERPOINT: The Great Cleansing is a Massive Boondoggle With Little Practical Benefit
Thu Dec 08 08:29:36 +0000 2016
OPINION: The Great Cleansing is Long Overdue
Thu Dec 08 08:28:01 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 The Michigan Vore Fiend vote is significant. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Thu Dec 08 08:27:17 +0000 2016
How Can Democrats Win Back Crab Thieves & Vore Fiends? This Governor Might Have The Answer
Thu Dec 08 07:13:11 +0000 2016
Pressed on Great Archfungus, Trump Impales Reporter on Giant Glowing Swastika Slowly Rotating Over Own Head
Thu Dec 08 06:42:37 +0000 2016
What's the Difference Between Democracy & Arson? It's Less Than You Think! Find Out Tomorrow Night on Approved News 6
Thu Dec 08 05:50:38 +0000 2016
INTERNATIONAL: Erotican Repubic Declares "Total Vore" on Puritan Hegemony
Thu Dec 08 01:48:21 +0000 2016
CRIME Magazine Picks Great Baltimore Catastrophe as Arson of the Year
Wed Dec 07 19:53:06 +0000 2016
Are Nazis Really That Bad? We Ask the Tough Questions, Only on Approved News 6
Wed Dec 07 19:48:51 +0000 2016
This Herbal Tea Will Make You Less Racist, Say Advocates
Wed Dec 07 19:37:29 +0000 2016
Concerned Parents: Modern Teens "Too Distracted" by "Animes," "The Twitter" to "Hail the Orb"
Wed Dec 07 19:28:38 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Freedom of redaction is the founding principle of modern American government — @BlueSpaceCanary
Wed Dec 07 19:26:36 +0000 2016
Church of the Megaworm Expresses "Deep Concerns" for Freedom of REDACTED
Wed Dec 07 19:20:58 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, Secretary of Jack Shit Props Feet Up on Desk in Deserted Office, Whistles Tunelessly
Wed Dec 07 08:50:58 +0000 2016
Federal Department of Jack Shit Announces Plans for "Nada, Zip, Zilch," "Not One Single Goddamn Thing"
Wed Dec 07 08:48:37 +0000 2016
President of Space France Deposed Mid-Inauguration
Wed Dec 07 08:45:55 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Heroic Concerned Citizens Raise Funds to Ward Off CNN, Avert Calamity
Wed Dec 07 08:43:28 +0000 2016
GREAT NEWS ORB IMPERILED: As Donations Drop, CNN Mulls Counterstrike to Steal News Orb Once More https://t.co/jGZo7qRNZf
Wed Dec 07 06:52:41 +0000 2016
Delaware Wizard Creates Portal to "The Crime Dimension"
Tue Dec 06 23:41:31 +0000 2016
Secretary Kingsley Hellthrash: Preventing Further Archfungus Epidemics "A Top Priority" of Department of Blood, Sex, & Death
Tue Dec 06 23:23:31 +0000 2016
New Treaty Would Permit Citizens of Hell "Unrestricted Access" to American Closets, Attics Between 10 PM and 5 AM
Tue Dec 06 22:17:43 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment on Great Archfungus, Blightbart Editor Zanthrog the Despoiler Vomits Spores at Reporters
Tue Dec 06 20:40:49 +0000 2016
Blightbart Editor "Under Investigation" for Fungus Worship
Tue Dec 06 17:18:03 +0000 2016
Florida Man Escapes Shame Cube
Tue Dec 06 17:14:56 +0000 2016
OPINION: The TSA's Pact With the Metal Detector God Does More Harm Than Good
Sun Dec 04 22:05:31 +0000 2016
FDA Approves Vertex Pharmaceuticals' Kinaxin for Treatment of Early-Onset Telekinesis Despite "Major Safety Concerns"
Sun Dec 04 22:04:16 +0000 2016
INTERNATIONAL: Russia Raises Hawkblood Charm Tariffs
Sun Dec 04 21:56:58 +0000 2016
What Will Trump Presidency Mean for Legal Levitation? We Ask the Experts
Sun Dec 04 21:54:21 +0000 2016
Congress to Consider Tighter Regulations for Cursed Firearms
Sun Dec 04 21:52:54 +0000 2016
St. Paul Destroyed By Biological Weapons for Fifth Time in 2016; Locals "Furious"
Sun Dec 04 21:52:09 +0000 2016
TSA to Begin Confiscating Hairpins, Bracelets to Placate Metal Detector God
Sun Dec 04 21:50:25 +0000 2016
Writing For Majority, Supreme Court Justice & Battleaxe Collector Martha E Wallace Stresses Difference Between Clones, Metaphysical Replicas
Sun Dec 04 21:48:50 +0000 2016
Supreme Court Strikes Down Right of Biological Clones to Invoke Fifth Amendment
Sun Dec 04 21:46:15 +0000 2016
"Its Presence is Violation, Its Voice, Decay:" Bone Party Holds Post-Election Rally
Sun Dec 04 19:43:03 +0000 2016
Cuban Military Fires 21-Gun Salute As Windows 10 Laid To Rest In Private Ceremony — @TwoHeadlines
Sun Dec 04 19:10:00 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Since there's no pardon, and not existing was made a crime, how long will the Fairy Queen stay in jail? — @khymchanur
Sun Dec 04 08:28:27 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 If Obama isn't in Jail, doesn't that imply that he's pardoned himself? — @khymchanur
Sun Dec 04 08:28:24 +0000 2016
.@ApprovedNews6 So that's how pundits are made! — @pyroIke
Sun Dec 04 06:26:47 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment on Election, Fairy Queen Bestows Gift of Gab on Reporter
Sun Dec 04 03:18:33 +0000 2016
"There Too It Awaits Us:" Hillary Clinton Returns From Outer Space, Quiet & Forlorn
Sun Dec 04 03:17:02 +0000 2016
US Signs Landmark Extradition Treaty With Hell
Sun Dec 04 02:26:36 +0000 2016
"Gentrification At Its Most REDACTED:" "New Money" Ghouls Blamed for Rising Cost of Living in "Undisclosed Location"
Sat Dec 03 23:42:49 +0000 2016
INTERVIEW: Meet the Man With No Face Who's Making Barcelona Slowly Disappear
Sat Dec 03 23:39:19 +0000 2016
These Adorable Forest Critters Won't Stop Vomiting on Donald Trump, Even While He Sleeps
Sat Dec 03 22:55:59 +0000 2016
Department of Justice to Address Prison Overcrowding, Underfunding by Selling Felons for Organs, Meat
Sat Dec 03 22:53:33 +0000 2016
White House: Obama "Will Not Pardon" Americans Arrested After Everything Briefly Made Illegal by Imprecise Language in Bill
Sat Dec 03 22:51:24 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 There were survivors?...? Strange.... — @GeorgeWHerbert
Sat Dec 03 02:50:13 +0000 2016
TOMORROW AT 8/7c: Survivors of the Cleveland Worm Fiasco Tell Their Story, Only on Approved News 6
Sat Dec 03 01:09:20 +0000 2016
"I Think the Real Suspect Was the Friends We Met Along the Way:" Texas State Police Issue Statement on String of Brutal Murders
Fri Dec 02 18:07:37 +0000 2016
Philosophers Vow to "Make God Dead Again"
Fri Dec 02 05:56:32 +0000 2016
.@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/4jsnBgDKlk — @Pope_Norm
Fri Dec 02 02:42:03 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/AZN3gPXvjH — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Dec 02 01:42:23 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/f4dhTrXYFi — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Dec 02 01:42:19 +0000 2016
Why couldn't she run on that solid a platform in the election? @ApprovedNews6 — @Pope_Norm
Fri Dec 02 01:22:21 +0000 2016
Obama in Talks to Address Critical National Opinion Shortage
Thu Dec 01 21:22:03 +0000 2016
International Charities. I'm Charles J. Bloodhorn, and I believe if we all just work together, anything is possible. — @ApprovedNews5
Thu Dec 01 21:16:27 +0000 2016
move past its ugly history and find a role more conducive to healing and the absolute conquest of this petty Earth by Charles J. Bloodhorn — @ApprovedNews5
Thu Dec 01 21:16:22 +0000 2016
seizing power in 1987, we note that her career ended as violently as it began, and that the possibility is now once more open for CNN to — @ApprovedNews5
Thu Dec 01 21:16:17 +0000 2016
Approved News 6 (@ApprovedNews6). And while we do not cheer the death of Lisa Burke, who has held the position of CNN Generalissimo since — @ApprovedNews5
Thu Dec 01 21:16:13 +0000 2016
arrangement for the Great News Orb, we acknowledge the situation has improved greatly now that it has been returned to the control of — @ApprovedNews5
Thu Dec 01 21:16:08 +0000 2016
While we at Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities lament today's violence, and would have preferred a more stable custodial — @ApprovedNews5
Thu Dec 01 21:16:04 +0000 2016
"Obviously We Arranged For This:" Illuminati Secretary-General Ulikh Yoor Calls Newslord 1 to Congratulate Council on Decisive Victory
Thu Dec 01 21:06:07 +0000 2016
Empowered by Both Great News Orb, Great News Cube, Newslords Vow Approved News 6 "Shall Reach New Heights" in Journalism. REDACTED
Thu Dec 01 21:04:34 +0000 2016
Vanquished CNN Generalissimo Lisa Burke Attempts to Flee by Helicopter, is Shot Down by Newslord 7
Thu Dec 01 21:02:19 +0000 2016
VICTORY: Shaken, Covered in Alligator Bites, AN6 Extraction Team Emerges From CNN Fortress With Great News Orb
Thu Dec 01 21:01:37 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Desperate to Retain Great News Orb, CNN Deploys Florida Man
Thu Dec 01 20:38:45 +0000 2016
Approved News 6 Special Correspondents Breach CNN Fortress With Explosive Hot Takes, Lead Extraction Team to Secure Great News Orb
Thu Dec 01 20:20:01 +0000 2016
Approved News 6 Special Correspondents Breach CNN Fortress With Explosive Hot Takes, Lead Extraction Team to Secure Great News Orb
Thu Dec 01 20:20:01 +0000 2016
"No Bodies Found" Where Newslord 4, Wolf Blitzer Fell From Cliff, Report Approved News 6 Obituary Correspondents
Thu Dec 01 20:17:26 +0000 2016
THIS JUST IN: Wolf Blitzer, Newslord 4, Locked in Mortal Combat, Topple From Cliff, Seemingly To Their Demise
Thu Dec 01 20:12:23 +0000 2016
Approved News 6 Meteorologists Destroy CNN Fortifications With Tornado
Thu Dec 01 20:11:27 +0000 2016
Wolf Blitzer's Reindeer Army Routed by Hail of Weapons-Grade Opinions
Thu Dec 01 19:56:00 +0000 2016
"You Ingrates! We Were Providing You Valuable Exposure & Workplace Experience!" Generalissimo Burke Berates Defecting Interns
Thu Dec 01 19:54:10 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Hundreds of CNN Interns Defect After Being Offered Paying Jobs by Newslord 5
Thu Dec 01 19:50:43 +0000 2016
Cowardly CNN Generalissimo Lisa Burke Begins Firing on Approved News 6 Wartime Correspondents With Rocket Launcher
Thu Dec 01 19:50:10 +0000 2016
"Approved News 6 Has Demonstrated An Appalling Lack of Basic Journalistic Ethics!" Wolf Blitzer Dodges Newslord 4's Blow, Strikes Back
Thu Dec 01 19:48:27 +0000 2016
"Your Organization Has Contributed to the Easily Preventable Rise of Fascism in This Country!" Newslord 4 Topples Blitzer From Reindeer
Thu Dec 01 19:47:04 +0000 2016
Newslord 4, Bearing Ancient Amulet of Forsaken Majesty, Engages Wolf Blitzer in Single Combat
Thu Dec 01 19:44:13 +0000 2016
Blitzer's Reindeer Army "Clear Evidence" of CNN Collaboration With North Pole Against All the Earth, Newslords Unanimously Confirm
Thu Dec 01 19:43:17 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Wolf Blitzer Emerges From Woods Leading Army of Reindeer in Charge Against Approved News 6 Wartime Correspondents
Thu Dec 01 19:41:38 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Newslord 1 Enters Fray, Decimating CNN Perimeter Defenses With Rotary Thinkpiece Cannon
Thu Dec 01 19:39:24 +0000 2016
Sources: Distracted by Feint, CNN's Defenders "Falling As One"
Thu Dec 01 19:38:37 +0000 2016
"Did You Really Think Our Patriotic Supporters Would Desert Us In Our Time of Greatest Need?" Newslords Issue Statement
Thu Dec 01 19:37:40 +0000 2016
"You Completely Fell For Our Ruse!" Newslord 7 Taunts CNN as Approved News Forces Emerge From Hiding to Assail Burke's Headquarters
Thu Dec 01 19:36:49 +0000 2016
CNN Generalissimo Lisa Burke Seen Howling With Laughter, Mooning Retreating AN6 Correspondents From Atop CNN Fortress
Thu Dec 01 17:13:06 +0000 2016
"Humiliating," "A Disgrace:" Newslord 7 Slams Donors For Failing to Honor Blood-Oaths of Undying Fealty
Thu Dec 01 17:10:22 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Eternal Council of Newslords Cancels Triumphant March After Funding Drops Below $1000/Month Needed
Thu Dec 01 17:09:24 +0000 2016
THIS JUST IN: Approved News 6 Marches on CNN! "We Will Take Back the Great News Orb And Punish Those Who Seized It," Says Newslord 7
Thu Dec 01 17:05:41 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 President-elect Trump calls for closure of all news outlets that broke the law with impunity by continuing to report news. — @tweetsthecreeps
Thu Dec 01 05:21:28 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Beat poets, not children — @timserpas
Wed Nov 30 23:48:52 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 As some who lives in Central Florida, I can attest that some of North Florida does this too — @theredlongitude
Wed Nov 30 20:07:41 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, Pelosi Menaces Reporter With Croquet Mallet https://t.co/1Ckkbzlxmx
Wed Nov 30 19:23:41 +0000 2016
"Look, It's Good Enough," "Do You Really Want To Go Through All That Again?" House Minority Leader Pelosi Defends Emergency Bills
Wed Nov 30 19:18:54 +0000 2016
Analysts: "Emergency Bills" Passed by Congress May Have Accidentally Classified Beat Poetry As First-Degree Murder
Wed Nov 30 19:18:03 +0000 2016
"I Don't Think We Broke Anything This Time:" After Hours of Frantic, Intensive Effort, Congress Reestablishes United States Code
Wed Nov 30 19:17:20 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 "human cloning has begun, funded in part by new multinational American Cocaine Inc. They could not be reached for comment." — @JTRipoff
Wed Nov 30 18:21:12 +0000 2016
REMINDER: Support Our Heroic Journalists by Making a Monthly Donation at https://t.co/KHkGIAcmfi
Wed Nov 30 17:43:57 +0000 2016
Analysts: Arrests Have Dropped 100% Since Everything Accidentally Made Legal
Wed Nov 30 17:41:20 +0000 2016
"The Start of a Global Trend?" United States Joins South Florida as Only Two Countries Where Everything is Legal, Say Analysts
Wed Nov 30 17:38:03 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Analysts Report Dems' Emergency Bill Repealing Law Accidentally Criminalizing Everything "Accidentally Legalized Everything"
Wed Nov 30 17:37:32 +0000 2016
Obama Join Congressional Democrats, Bloodied but Triumphant, to Celebrate "The Salvation of Our Democracy"
Wed Nov 30 17:36:27 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Howling, Wrathful Police Swarms Begin to Disperse, Indcating Obama Has Successfully Repealed Law Criminalizing Everything
Wed Nov 30 17:34:56 +0000 2016
Surviving Senate, House Democrats Join Forces Outside White House to Keep Police at Bay as Obama Rushes Repeal Bill to Oval Office
Wed Nov 30 17:32:26 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Sen. Bernie Sanders (D-VT), Submachine Gun in Each Hand, Breaks Through Police Lines to Deliver Repeal Bill to President Obama
Wed Nov 30 17:31:41 +0000 2016
Obama, Clad in Blood-Red Robes, Wielding Whalebone Scepter, Joins Senate Parliamentarian in Defending White House from Police Swarms
Wed Nov 30 17:29:31 +0000 2016
"This Bill Shall Pass:" Senate Parliamentarian, Long Missing, Presumed Dead, Appears at White House Gates Brandishing Flaming Sword
Wed Nov 30 17:29:23 +0000 2016
Satellite Footage, Geiger Counters Indicate Police Nationwide Converging on D.C. to Prevent Delivery of Repeal Bill to President Obama
Wed Nov 30 17:25:03 +0000 2016
Bill Repealing Criminalization of Everything Rushed to White House by Armored Convoy
Wed Nov 30 17:23:39 +0000 2016
BREAKING: In 47-0 Vote, House Democrats Repeal Bill Criminalizing Everything
Wed Nov 30 17:20:56 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, D.C. Police Commissioner Eats Reporter https://t.co/k9Mv8IIMym
Wed Nov 30 17:16:56 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Dems Deploy Airstrike, Break Through Police Cordon
Wed Nov 30 17:16:31 +0000 2016
Speaking from Undisclosed Location, House Majority Leader McCarthy Criticizes Pelosi's "Radical Agenda
Wed Nov 30 17:16:25 +0000 2016
"Where are the Damn Republicans?" Ducking Briefly Behind Cover, Minority Leader Pelosi Lambastes GOP for "Cowardice"
Wed Nov 30 17:12:33 +0000 2016
Democrats Sustaining "Heavy Casualties" in Effort to Retake House of Representatives from Police Swarm
Wed Nov 30 17:11:45 +0000 2016
"The Start of a Global Trend?" United States Joins Spain as Only Two Countries Where Everything is Illegal, Say Analysts
Wed Nov 30 17:10:02 +0000 2016
"Yes," Report Experts While Being Arrested for Answering Question https://t.co/HLQDCS8fRz
Wed Nov 30 17:06:50 +0000 2016
Brandishing Rifle, Minority Leader Pelosi Vows to Retake House of Representatives
Wed Nov 30 17:06:08 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Police Begin Swarming Outside House of Representatives, Determined to Prevent Vote Repealing Criminalization of Everything
Wed Nov 30 17:04:09 +0000 2016
"A Heroic Sacrifice:" In 7-0 Vote, Senate Repeals Bill Accidentally Criminalizing Everything Before Police Break Through Barricade
Wed Nov 30 17:01:47 +0000 2016
"This Madness Must End:" Heavily Armed Squad of Democratic Senators Storm Senate, Fighting Past Swarms of Slavering Police
Wed Nov 30 17:00:54 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 prison overcrowding has reached paradox levels, as it is a crime to be in jail, to put people in jail, to run a prison, to... — @JTRipoff
Wed Nov 30 16:58:48 +0000 2016
Analysts: Arrests Have Risen 470,000% Since Everything Accidentally Made Illegal
Wed Nov 30 16:41:39 +0000 2016
THE GRINNING THING IS HUNGRY AGAIN — @manual_txt
Wed Nov 30 16:40:43 +0000 2016
Trump Seen Downtown in Early Hours of Morning Heckling Chicago Orb
Wed Nov 30 16:37:33 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/GTAz2bWx4K — @mcclure111
Wed Nov 30 00:49:07 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 again? I swore this happened before, which would make doing it again illegal. — @rabcyr
Tue Nov 29 23:50:49 +0000 2016
"We Tried to Repeal It, But That's Illegal Now," Reports Senator Shortly Before Being Arrested for Holding Press Conference
Tue Nov 29 23:38:05 +0000 2016
WEIRD & WACKY: Congress Accidentally Passes Bill Declaring Everything Illegal
Tue Nov 29 23:36:29 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, Citizenship Orb Emits Piercing Tone, Shattering All Windows in Washington
Tue Nov 29 18:29:53 +0000 2016
Trump: Orb-Burners Should Be REDACTED of American Citizenship
Tue Nov 29 18:28:37 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, CNN Generalissimo Lisa Burke Fires on Reporters With Antiaircraft Gun from Secluded Fortress
Tue Nov 29 18:08:51 +0000 2016
"We Will Reclaim the Great News Orb:" Eternal Council of Newslords Begins Rallying Troops for Assault on CNN
Tue Nov 29 18:07:44 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Well not him specifically - probably going to be eaten by an alligator while skydiving - but someone in his gene-pool cohort. — @tom_forsyth
Tue Nov 29 05:43:10 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Approved News Source Publishes 10,000th Tweet
Tue Nov 29 05:26:52 +0000 2016
Florida Man "Likely Pick" for Secretary of Education
Tue Nov 29 05:26:04 +0000 2016
Trump to "Massively Expand" Nation's Forced Labor Zones, Inside Sources Report
Tue Nov 29 05:22:52 +0000 2016
BREAKING: World's Worst Bird Under Investigation for Possible Ties to ISIS
Tue Nov 29 02:40:58 +0000 2016
"I Like This Guy:" World's Worst Bird Reportedly "Under Consideration" for Cabinet-Level Position by President-Elect Trump
Tue Nov 29 02:25:13 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Reporter Killed in Car-Bombing by World's Worst Bird
Tue Nov 29 02:24:27 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, World's Worst Bird Steals Reporter's Sandwich
Tue Nov 29 02:20:12 +0000 2016
"Just, Fuck This Smug Little Shit:" Ornithologists Discover World's Worst Bird
Tue Nov 29 02:16:32 +0000 2016
"We Call It 'The Reverse Minneapolis Badger Hustle:'" Researchers Discover New Way to Waste Taxpayer Dollars
Tue Nov 29 00:49:32 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Screams, Muffled Explosions Heard from 10 Downing Street
Tue Nov 29 00:21:00 +0000 2016
UK Minister of Bad Ideas Nigel Farage Last Seen With Pliers, Hacksaw, & "Determined Expression"
Tue Nov 29 00:18:52 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 A-die-das. Been right in front of us for decades. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Mon Nov 28 16:23:59 +0000 2016
Is the Footwear Industry Conditioning Our Teens to Kill on Command? We Investigate the Shocking Evidence, Only on Approved News 6
Mon Nov 28 15:30:27 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, She Who Throttles the Dawn Implodes Reporter
Sun Nov 27 20:45:10 +0000 2016
She Who Throttles the Dawn, Exalted Architect of the Beneficent Manifold Seen Together Capturing "Exact Replica" of President Obama
Sun Nov 27 20:44:39 +0000 2016
Concerned Parents Warn Teens "Getting High on Cyber Dope"
Sun Nov 27 02:08:47 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Man Has Hot Take
Sun Nov 27 01:20:41 +0000 2016
"I Think The Real Fidel Castro Was The Friends We Met Along The Way:" Leading Philosophers Reassure A Shocked Nation
Sat Nov 26 20:54:32 +0000 2016
"No Evidence" Fidel Castro "At Any Point" Physically Existed, Psychologists Report
Sat Nov 26 20:52:49 +0000 2016
Fidel Alejandro Castro, Once Dictator of Cuba, Determined to be "Projection of Our Collective Unconscious," "An Incident of Mass Hysteria"
Sat Nov 26 20:52:22 +0000 2016
Children as young as 12 are getting high on perfume — @ParentsWarnings
Sat Nov 26 20:27:13 +0000 2016
SPONSORED: Be a Hero This Christmas: Donate Your Nightmares to a Child In Need
Sat Nov 26 19:48:44 +0000 2016
REMINDER: Full-Length Articles Can Be Found Online at https://t.co/ByZqhNSoJ8
Sat Nov 26 06:10:15 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, CNN Generalisimo Lisa Burke Screams in Terror, Flees Studio
Sat Nov 26 06:01:05 +0000 2016
Flush With Righteous Resolve, Newslord 7 Proclaims "Grand Assault" Shall Begin "December First," Pending Successful Collection of Tithes
Sat Nov 26 06:00:09 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Approved News 6 Funding Levels "Now Sufficient" to March on CNN, Reclaim Great News Orb, Report News Lords
Sat Nov 26 05:59:14 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 The OED Condensed Edition never misses. It sweats the small type details. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Sat Nov 26 05:56:16 +0000 2016
Activists Organize Charity Stampede Through Great Connecticut Undercroft
Sat Nov 26 05:53:28 +0000 2016
Make the Most of Being Terrorized by Sewer Wraiths With These 7 Simple Tips — You'll Never Look at a REDACTED the Same Way Again
Sat Nov 26 05:46:43 +0000 2016
still have bills to pay, and i depend on your generosity to make this work. thank you, [REDACTED] bless you, and [REDACTED] bless america. — @velartrill
Sat Nov 26 05:44:18 +0000 2016
3000 of you following AN6, and currently only 89 donors. i love being able to write for y'all and make my work available for free, but i — @velartrill
Sat Nov 26 05:44:12 +0000 2016
right now i'm only narrowly scraping by, and my savings are almost drained. you (yes, YOU) can help me survive. even $1 matters - there are — @velartrill
Sat Nov 26 05:44:08 +0000 2016
hey y'all, a reminder that if you like @ApprovedNews6 or my other work, you should donate a dollar or two a month at https://t.co/76qHXTXxht — @velartrill
Sat Nov 26 05:44:04 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, Sen. Webb Spits Shards of Wood, Metal at Reporters
Sat Nov 26 05:34:36 +0000 2016
Sen. Jim Webb (D-VA) Removed from White House After Being Found Attempting to Gnaw Through Structural Supports
Sat Nov 26 05:33:45 +0000 2016
Merriam-Webster: Attempted Assassinations "Normal Behavior" for "Collegiate Edition"
Sat Nov 26 05:31:11 +0000 2016
"The Dictionary Is Trying to Kill Me," Trump Tells Reporters
Sat Nov 26 05:29:20 +0000 2016
"You May Have Bested Me This Time, But I'll Be Back," Sources Vow: "And Next Time, More Powerful Than Ever!"
Sat Nov 26 02:56:06 +0000 2016
"Curses!" Sources Suggest; "My Wicked Scheme Is Foiled Again"
Sat Nov 26 02:54:08 +0000 2016
50% of Respondents Would Like You "To Just Die Already And Stop Getting in My Way"
Sat Nov 26 02:53:39 +0000 2016
90% of Americans Want You To "Stop Asking Such Difficult Questions," New Polling Shows
Sat Nov 26 02:52:39 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 damn sun deniers, preventing us from getting funding for important sun-ritual research — @AndrewNCassidy
Sat Nov 26 02:51:03 +0000 2016
BREAKING: NSA "Routinely Intercepting" American Prayers, Says Whistleblower
Fri Nov 25 19:00:48 +0000 2016
"It's A Matter of Responsible Parenting:" Concerned Parents Endorse Law Requiring All Children to Come With "Self-Destruct Mechanism"
Fri Nov 25 18:50:53 +0000 2016
Evangelical Protestants Encourage Faithful to "Say Nope to Pope"
Fri Nov 25 18:50:15 +0000 2016
REMINDER: It Is Already Too Late
Fri Nov 25 18:45:22 +0000 2016
Pressed on Sun, Trump Enshrouded by "Howling Darkness"
Fri Nov 25 18:43:26 +0000 2016
"Why Does Mitt Hate the Sun?" Pundits Slam Romney's "Increasingly Radical" Approach to Sun
Fri Nov 25 18:42:32 +0000 2016
Romney on Sun: "No Such Thing, Brett;" "Even the Concept is Impossible"
Fri Nov 25 18:36:25 +0000 2016
Smiling Winsomely, Mitt Romney Denies Existence of Sun
Fri Nov 25 18:32:52 +0000 2016
Bystanders Report St. Edna the Impaler "Soundly Defeated" by Unidentified Orb at "Great Cost" to "Life & Property"
Fri Nov 25 18:25:26 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Resurrected St. Edna the Impaler Attacked by Orb
Fri Nov 25 18:19:26 +0000 2016
Hovering Above Crowd & Emitting Dangerous Levels of Ionizing Radiation, Resurrected St. Edna the Impaler Demands Blood of the Innocent
Fri Nov 25 18:17:06 +0000 2016
BREAKING: St. Edna the Impaler Rises From Grave
Fri Nov 25 18:15:46 +0000 2016
Feast of St. Edna the Impaler Draws Record Crowds
Fri Nov 25 16:50:51 +0000 2016
@khymchanur @ApprovedNews6 two of the dentists assure you they never saw the fifth one. The third one refuses to acknowledge the bloodstains — @softfennec
Fri Nov 25 15:49:13 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Four out of Five Dentists Agree That the Fifth Dentist is a Figment of Your Imagination — @khymchanur
Fri Nov 25 15:46:28 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Nine Out Of Ten Experts Would Not Resist — @formercrsc
Fri Nov 25 07:30:19 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment on Orbgate Scandal, Sen. Orrin Hatch (R-UT) Beheads Self With Hacksaw
Fri Nov 25 05:26:13 +0000 2016
"Their Crimes Cannot Be Forgiven:" Obama Defends Decision to Refuse to Pardon Turkeys
Fri Nov 25 05:23:35 +0000 2016
Thankfulness "A Tired Farce" Which "No Longer Serves A Meaningful Purpose," Experts Agree
Fri Nov 25 05:20:34 +0000 2016
Thanksgiving Canceled: "We Have Nothing To Be Thankful For," Report Grim-Faced Bureaucrats, Eyes Red With Tears
Fri Nov 25 05:18:33 +0000 2016
Experts Recommend "The Slow, Quiet Dwindling of Life, Matter, & Energy;" "The Inexorable Victory of Entropy Over Conscious Thought"
Fri Nov 25 05:15:31 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 @ThePatanoiac The Shadow Lands Mapped For The First Time: https://t.co/iL8F0yeOKe — @insomniacity
Thu Nov 24 16:33:51 +0000 2016
Google: Top Search Queries "Fast-Acting Poisons," "Invisible Daggers," "Wailing In The Night"
Wed Nov 23 18:21:48 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Super moon? Not super. The moon is weak and failing. Sad! — @SteveCarey5
Wed Nov 23 15:31:32 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 What does Ben Carson have to say about that? — @khymchanur
Wed Nov 23 09:19:47 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 "I love the Moon Race. I've done more for the Moon Race than anyone else. We're gonna build the biggest moon you ever seen" — @_Staven
Wed Nov 23 09:19:25 +0000 2016
Pressed on Education, Trump Characterizes Children as "Nutritious"
Wed Nov 23 07:12:41 +0000 2016
Trump Spends Rambling Three-Hour Midnight Press Conference Insulting the Moon
Wed Nov 23 07:10:27 +0000 2016
Discovery of Turing-Complete Devils Leads to Major Advance in Hecknology
Wed Nov 23 03:42:08 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Nazis Lost in Blizzard; Believed Dead of Frostbite
Wed Nov 23 03:36:46 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/5l6OO6Cro3 — @MadMaxFlapper
Wed Nov 23 03:34:09 +0000 2016
"You're Next," Sources Indicate
Wed Nov 23 03:32:17 +0000 2016
reminder that you too can make a nazi sad by supporting @ApprovedNews6 at https://t.co/76qHXTXxht — @velartrill
Wed Nov 23 01:14:08 +0000 2016
"Wow, Look At This Special Snowflake:" Nazis Gather to Mock Weather
Wed Nov 23 01:02:04 +0000 2016
Trump Vows to End "The Tyranny of Democracy"
Wed Nov 23 00:17:09 +0000 2016
Florida Woman Sues for Breach of Contract After Husband Fails to Follow Through on Death Threat
Tue Nov 22 21:43:57 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, Slumbering Titan Assails Reporters With Visions of "Fifth Reich"
Tue Nov 22 19:45:53 +0000 2016
Miranda Anatheme, Seventh Lord Catastrophic of the Mirthful Rite, Slams the Slumbering Titan for "Racially Insensitive Mind-Transmissions"
Tue Nov 22 19:43:05 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/LS7UI3tgZF — @GeorgeWHerbert
Tue Nov 22 18:27:42 +0000 2016
"Nothing is Wrong," USPS Confirms; "What Were You Thinking," "Everything is Fine"
Tue Nov 22 17:46:06 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 BREAKING: USPS spokesperson revealed to be four eels in a trenchcoat — @echoesandashes
Tue Nov 22 17:45:22 +0000 2016
REMINDER FROM NEWSLORD 7: Journalists Owe Their Nation A Solemn Duty https://t.co/AhRoDnJMnp
Tue Nov 22 16:11:53 +0000 2016
Scientists Find Amelia Earhart on the Moon — @sciencesuggests
Tue Nov 22 15:45:21 +0000 2016
SPECIAL REPORT: Eternal Council of Newslords Condemns "Epidemic of Unapproved News"
Tue Nov 22 15:40:08 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Yeah, that happened to me a few times. Being dealt with as a traitor, I mean. I'm running out of countries to run to — @_Staven
Tue Nov 22 15:37:34 +0000 2016
Newslord 7: "Let All the Earth Know That to Dishonor the News is to Perish"
Tue Nov 22 15:35:54 +0000 2016
Newslord 7: "Irresponsible Fool" Who "Confused Work for Personal Twitter Account" Has Been "Dealt With As A Traitor Deserves"
Tue Nov 22 15:31:46 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 one parent quoted as saying 'Listen to Mary Jane, Jimmy; don't you use that Holy Savior" — @KarieSenkow
Tue Nov 22 14:31:41 +0000 2016
SPONSORED: Tired of the Same Old, Same Old? Spend This Thanksgiving in Scenic "Undisclosed Location!" Your Family is Already There.
Tue Nov 22 14:30:27 +0000 2016
Concerned Parents Warn Teens May Be "Getting High on Jesus"
Tue Nov 22 14:29:14 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 "weather forecast calls for 2-3 inches of flaming white phosphorus, vengeance." — @ShriekingNoises
Tue Nov 22 00:51:17 +0000 2016
New Startup Aims to "Disrupt Innovation"
Tue Nov 22 00:17:42 +0000 2016
Experts: The Press Is Unstoppable https://t.co/ggOpmZCioo
Mon Nov 21 22:49:43 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 This just in: "No, YOU'RE the real racist" Sources continue. — @ZeroUtopia
Mon Nov 21 22:32:54 +0000 2016
"Racism Isn't Racist," Say Sources
Mon Nov 21 22:18:39 +0000 2016
Interview: Low-Earning Eroticans "Deeply Afraid" of "Outright Ass Warfare"
Mon Nov 21 21:41:57 +0000 2016
Erotican Repubic's Sex Party Fingers "Hard-Right Provocateurs" in Vore Fraud Inquest
Mon Nov 21 21:38:26 +0000 2016
Erotican Repubic Reports Widespread Vore Fraud in Cuntentious Presidential Erection
Mon Nov 21 21:34:33 +0000 2016
Newslord 7: "We Are So Close," "Pledge Us Your Support that the War May Begin At Last" https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Mon Nov 21 20:40:09 +0000 2016
Preparing for Potential March on CNN, Newslords Begin Forging Weapons-Grade Opinions, Incendiary Hot Takes
Mon Nov 21 20:38:48 +0000 2016
CNN Generalissimo Lisa Burke: "I Will Die Before I Surrender The Great News Orb;" "All Earth And Heaven Will Shout My Glory"
Mon Nov 21 20:36:26 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Planning of the operation is already in progress, contingent upon obtaining funding — @KarieSenkow
Mon Nov 21 20:34:01 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Approved News 6 "Only $25 Away" From Funds Needed to Reclaim Great News Orb from Unapproved News Source CNN https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Mon Nov 21 20:32:50 +0000 2016
It's an epidemic, I tell you! https://t.co/jEmDmcli9J — @MxHarperion
Mon Nov 21 20:28:36 +0000 2016
Yoor: "Yes, We Know You Cheated On That, We Have The Video"
Mon Nov 21 20:26:46 +0000 2016
Yoor: "The New Anthem Has Subliminal Control Signals," "So Did Old Anthem," "So Did Your Goddamn Fourth-Grade Math Homework," "Honestly"
Mon Nov 21 20:26:26 +0000 2016
"Of Course It Fucking Does," "Do You Even Know Who I Am?" Pressed for Comment, Illuminati Secretary-General Ulikh Yoor Visibly Exasperated
Mon Nov 21 20:24:36 +0000 2016
Analysts: New Illuminati Anthem May Contain "Subliminal Control Signals"
Mon Nov 21 20:23:32 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Man Has Opinion
Mon Nov 21 20:21:19 +0000 2016
"Look, We Just Deliver The Mail:" Pressed on Live Eels Filling All Mailboxes in America, USPS Offers No Comment
Mon Nov 21 20:10:02 +0000 2016
Clinton Supporter, American Dystopia Initiative Arch-Director Simone Andrews XI "Willing to Work With" Trump Administration, Say Aides
Mon Nov 21 20:04:05 +0000 2016
BREAKING: State of Alabama Files Axe Evasion Charges Against Donald Trump
Mon Nov 21 20:00:43 +0000 2016
CloneWatch Director Simone Andrews XXIII Reportedly "Deeply Concerned" by Trump Defense Secretary Pick
Mon Nov 21 19:58:51 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 he's woefully unqualified. Dear Nigel's ideas *dream* of someday being merely bad! — @BlueSpaceCanary
Mon Nov 21 19:58:33 +0000 2016
Inside Sources: Trump "Likely" to Pick Simone Andrews VLIII as Secretary of Defense
Mon Nov 21 19:53:31 +0000 2016
UPDATE: After "Careful Deliberation," Eternal Queen Desdemona Rothschild I of England Appoints Nigel Farage Minister of Bad Ideas
Mon Nov 21 19:50:30 +0000 2016
BREAKING: UK Minister of Bad Ideas Found Beheaded After Removing Tag from Mattress in Furniture Store
Mon Nov 21 19:49:32 +0000 2016
Americans for Traditional Torments "Hopeful" Trump Will Reintroduce Boiling in Oil, Agony of the Long Knives
Mon Nov 21 19:46:47 +0000 2016
Monks of the Bronze Mask Issue Completely Blank Press Release, Stare Silently at Increasingly Anxious Reporters
Mon Nov 21 19:36:30 +0000 2016
SOCIETY: Exalted Architect of the Beneficent Manifold Vows to Seal the Shimmering Portal, Revoke the Writ of Absolution
Mon Nov 21 19:24:29 +0000 2016
Florida Man "Just Won't Die," Report Authorities, Weeping: "Oh God, Why Won't He Die"
Mon Nov 21 19:21:49 +0000 2016
She Who Throttles the Dawn Calls for "General Strike" Against Incoming Trump Administration
Mon Nov 21 19:21:01 +0000 2016
Prominent Clinton Supporter Glorthrak the Undying, Cursed Spectre of the Nameless Realm, Warns of "Irregularities" in 2016 Election
Mon Nov 21 19:14:55 +0000 2016
"What Blood? This Blood? Don't Talk to Me About Blood, Megyn:" Donald Trump Speaks to Press After Being Impaled by Unicorn
Mon Nov 21 19:10:52 +0000 2016
REMINDER: Viewer Funding "All the More Critical" in Event Federal Funding Appropriated for @ApprovedNews7, as Threatened by President-Elect
Mon Nov 21 19:04:11 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Approved News 6 "Only $26 Away" From Sufficient Funding to March on CNN, Reclaim Great News Orb https://t.co/jGZo7r9oQN
Mon Nov 21 19:02:27 +0000 2016
This Adorable Video of a Bear Petting a Dog Will Cause Severe Epidermal Lacerations & Intracranial Hemorrhage! Do NOT View It
Mon Nov 21 17:16:41 +0000 2016
Hillary Clinton Departs for Deep Space
Mon Nov 21 16:49:21 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Why weren't they arrested? Isn't that illegal? — @_Staven
Mon Nov 21 10:03:54 +0000 2016
WEIRD & WACKY: Innocent Bystander Survives
Mon Nov 21 06:15:28 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Impromptu Public Performance of South Florida National Anthem in Downtown Miami Triggers Cattle Stampede; Hundreds Believed Dead
Mon Nov 21 06:12:54 +0000 2016
RELATED: Republic of South Florida Picks Clint C. Beauregard's "Pandemonium in C Major for Tambourine & Hollerin'" as National Anthem
Mon Nov 21 06:07:11 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Finally my five years of Redaction Buzzer in school are useful — @substitute
Mon Nov 21 06:03:26 +0000 2016
Illuminati Adopts Jedidiah Donnerkreuz's "Concerto in G Minor for Pipe Organ & Redaction Buzzer" as Official Clandestine Anthem
Mon Nov 21 06:01:03 +0000 2016
Cowardly, Treacherous CNN Generalissimo Lisa Burke Reportedly "Terrified" by Possibility of Approved News 6 Reclaiming Great News Orb
Mon Nov 21 05:38:55 +0000 2016
REMINDER: Viewer Contributions "Only $34 Away" From Level Needed to Reclaim Great News Orb from Thieving CNN Anchors https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Mon Nov 21 05:38:11 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Finally! — @usr_local_share
Mon Nov 21 05:22:07 +0000 2016
Institute for the Advancement of Inevitable Downfalls: "SOON"
Mon Nov 21 05:01:38 +0000 2016
World's Last IPv4 Address to be Put on Display at Smithsonian
Mon Nov 21 00:52:25 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 religious liberty is at stake — @Chirurgic
Mon Nov 21 00:18:06 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 You sure those aren't impanelment regulations? — @King_Of_Flesh
Mon Nov 21 00:17:49 +0000 2016
Adherents of the Bleeding Faith Mount Legal Challenge to Connecticut's "Burdensome" Impalement Regulations
Sun Nov 20 22:05:28 +0000 2016
Increase Your Productivity With These 7 Simple Daily Injections: It Is Illegal Not To
Sun Nov 20 19:47:04 +0000 2016
New Legislation Would Require All Ballots to be Printed in Comic Sans
Sun Nov 20 19:38:34 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 some of the court summons are going to take over 90 billion years to deliver, though — @_Staven
Sun Nov 20 18:24:07 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 I hope they'll do something about all those existing stars undergoing fusion without a license, too. — @_Staven
Sun Nov 20 18:24:01 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 It's about time we did something about all this hydrogen going to waste. — @_Staven
Sun Nov 20 18:23:57 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 finally, someone who stands up for our rights to a constant, never-changing skyscape — @words_txt
Sun Nov 20 18:23:52 +0000 2016
Experts: "Same"
Sun Nov 20 18:23:11 +0000 2016
State of Texas Files for Injunction to Halt Star Formation Across Observable Universe
Sat Nov 19 21:58:45 +0000 2016
RELATED: Seven Grand Jurors Impaled By Court
Sat Nov 19 19:41:01 +0000 2016
WEIRD & WACKY: Hundreds of Vampires "Impaneled" After Disastrous Typo
Sat Nov 19 19:24:29 +0000 2016
"The Trees Were Watching Me:" Clinton Confirms Speculation of Fairy Hex
Sat Nov 19 19:03:09 +0000 2016
Hillary Clinton, Dressed in Tattered Robes, Blindfold, Emerges From Whispering Woods After Week-Long Absence
Sat Nov 19 19:02:50 +0000 2016
Witnesses Near Locker Bannon Trapped in Report Muffled Recitations of "Cringeworthy" Poetry Interspersed With Sobbing
Sat Nov 19 18:38:15 +0000 2016
"Eh:" Pressed for Comment on Bannon's Predicament, Republican Spokesman Shrugs Shoulders, Wanders Away from Podium
Sat Nov 19 18:11:05 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Sources Indicate Steve Bannon Remains Trapped in High School Locker
Sat Nov 19 18:10:20 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 of course the bigger question is why in hell was Steve Brannon doing in a high school girl's locker room? — @ShinNovaheart
Sat Nov 19 18:01:00 +0000 2016
"We'll Make America Bleed Again:" Rudy Giuliani Interrupts CNN Broadcast, Neck Bulging, Tossing Switchblade from Hand to Hand
Sat Nov 19 06:58:23 +0000 2016
Analysts: Trump's "Unique Ability" to Draw "Single-Minded Wrath" of Wildlife Could Prove "Game Changer" in International Negotiations
Sat Nov 19 05:27:49 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Trump Press Conference Interrupted by Hundreds of Enraged Brown Bears, Mountain Lions
Sat Nov 19 05:26:05 +0000 2016
Mysterious, Implacable Force "A Well-Known Terrorist Sympathizer:" Trump Issues Blistering Condemnation After Falling Screaming From Sky
Sat Nov 19 05:19:45 +0000 2016
Campaign Staff: Trump "Undaunted" After Being Dropped From Tremendous Height by Mysterious, Implacable Force
Sat Nov 19 05:16:47 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Quarterback Begins Making Out With Her Girlfriend By Locker Bannon Trapped In to Sound of Trump Chief Strategist's Muffled Weeping
Sat Nov 19 05:15:05 +0000 2016
"Guy's A Fuckin' Dweeb, Man:" Quarterback Who Forced Steve Bannon Into High School Locker Speaks to Press
Sat Nov 19 05:11:58 +0000 2016
Sources: Steve Bannon "Has Been Trapped in High School Locker For Weeks"
Sat Nov 19 05:05:48 +0000 2016
"Fear is for the Weak:" Blood-Soaked Maidens of Cold Sword Spokeswoman Sister Vindicta Dismisses Trump Accusations, Vows "Crusade Unending"
Sat Nov 19 00:41:34 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Trump Accuses Eternal Council of Newslords of "Radical Sympathies" for "Terrorist" Blood-Soaked Maidens of Cold Sword
Sat Nov 19 00:40:18 +0000 2016
Trump Vows to Redirect Federal Funding From Approved News 6 to @ApprovedNews7
Sat Nov 19 00:37:52 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, Great Denver Abomination Spreads Seven Bleeding Wings, Prophesies "Coming of the Iron Times"
Sat Nov 19 00:29:54 +0000 2016
Peaceful Protest Against the Great Denver Abomination Disrupted by Police Violence
Sat Nov 19 00:28:22 +0000 2016
New American Flag to be "Constantly on Fire," Congressional Sources Suggest
Fri Nov 18 23:52:23 +0000 2016
OMG // CC @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/crHRJnATHk — @AndrewNCassidy
Fri Nov 18 22:27:03 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/BKrbhV3V8h — @jjm6501
Fri Nov 18 22:26:39 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/thIePHShJP — @8Fourteen
Fri Nov 18 20:01:52 +0000 2016
Papal Bulls Stampede Through Vatican City
Fri Nov 18 07:07:31 +0000 2016
Reporters who pressed her for comment wander the press pool in winsome spirals, gently sparkling as they gibber to… https://t.co/c1KpXPBkbT — @cveidson
Fri Nov 18 02:03:12 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, Fairy Queen Nowhere to be Found
Fri Nov 18 02:00:21 +0000 2016
Spokesman Downplays Concerns Clinton "Captured, Enslaved" by Capricious Fairy Queen: "The Fairy Queen Does Not Exist"
Fri Nov 18 01:56:26 +0000 2016
Hillary "Has Yet to Return" from Whispering Woods, Report Sources Close to Clinton Family
Fri Nov 18 01:54:46 +0000 2016
Without the Great News Orb, humanity is doomed. As an Avian that should be no feather off my back—but I've got huma… https://t.co/HOUT4b0vFp — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Nov 18 00:35:01 +0000 2016
@velartrill @ApprovedNews6 upped mine. Now more than ever we need the Newslords. — @substitute
Fri Nov 18 00:34:53 +0000 2016
Newslords: Backed by Power of Both Great News Orb, Great News Cube, Approved News 6 Would Become "Unstoppably Informative"
Fri Nov 18 00:30:12 +0000 2016
REMINDER: News Oracles Estimate $1000/Month in Viewer Contributions "Would Suffice" to Reclaim the Great News Orb https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Fri Nov 18 00:29:35 +0000 2016
Is Mark Zuckerberg going to aid @ApprovedNews6 in recovering the News Orb from the @CNN hellbeasts? Film at 11:00! https://t.co/mH4xIDnKPQ — @Pope_Norm
Fri Nov 18 00:28:40 +0000 2016
keep doing that, please make a Patreon pledge if you possibly can. https://t.co/76qHXTXxht even $1 matters. — @velartrill
Thu Nov 17 19:24:12 +0000 2016
so if you like @ApprovedNews6, my writing at https://t.co/QlLbGKyLM7, my essays, or my twitter rants, and you want me to stay alive so i can — @velartrill
Thu Nov 17 19:24:08 +0000 2016
make it available for free, i need to be able to survive to keep doing that. — @velartrill
Thu Nov 17 19:24:03 +0000 2016
so even $1/month is a big help. money from Patreon is my ONLY SOURCE OF INCOME. and while i really like being able to write shit for y'all & — @velartrill
Thu Nov 17 19:23:59 +0000 2016
i'm in really bad shape financially right now because of passport costs and heating bills. my savings are almost gone. — @velartrill
Thu Nov 17 19:23:55 +0000 2016
reminder that you can help me survive by making contributions at https://t.co/p4XU7WhEjJ — @velartrill
Thu Nov 17 19:23:50 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Erotican Health Minister Reassures; Defeating the Eel "A Normal Part Of Growing Up" — @Chirurgic
Wed Nov 16 23:55:17 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Kids these days are so stupid. Eels don't even have feet. — @tom_forsyth
Wed Nov 16 23:55:15 +0000 2016
Concerned Parents: More & More Children "Becoming Obsessed" At "Early Ages" With "Defeating the Eel"
Wed Nov 16 23:45:59 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Spokesslut: "We remain committed to a peaceful transference of bodily fluids" — @Chirurgic
Wed Nov 16 22:57:08 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Erotican Repubic Calls for Sexecution of Anti-Sex Party Sacktivists for "Cockblocking Democracy"
Wed Nov 16 22:52:28 +0000 2016
INTERNATIONAL: Sex Party Tops Polls in Erotican Republic's Upcoming Presidential Erection
Wed Nov 16 21:46:26 +0000 2016
Analysts: Exact Replicas of President Obama Closing on Washington Will Arrive "No Sooner than 20 January, 2017"
Wed Nov 16 19:36:09 +0000 2016
"They Are Invulnerable to All Weapons:" Secret Service "Helpless" as Thousands of Exact Replicas of President Obama Approach Washington
Wed Nov 16 19:35:00 +0000 2016
Anonymous Sources Report Thick, Dark Mold "Slowly Exuding" From All Surfaces in White House Since Presidential Election
Wed Nov 16 19:32:58 +0000 2016
.@ApprovedNews6 Don't they know it's useless to apply pressure to an amorphous blob? — @vblasv
Wed Nov 16 19:32:05 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, Corrosive Green Ooze Engulfs Reporter
Wed Nov 16 19:26:35 +0000 2016
it's just the same old one-liners from his stump speech https://t.co/7JeoQT8Dm4 — @Pope_Norm
Wed Nov 16 19:24:44 +0000 2016
Inside Sources: Trump May Appoint Corrosive Green Ooze Chief of REDACTED
Wed Nov 16 19:24:31 +0000 2016
glad they're sticking with tradition https://t.co/B8KwZKQUPG — @Pope_Norm
Wed Nov 16 19:23:29 +0000 2016
Pressed on Defiler Worm Allegations, Trump Vomits Slugs
Wed Nov 16 19:11:17 +0000 2016
Enablers, all of them. How do you expect to win back the Illuminati vote like this?! https://t.co/xN8WVsFITy — @BlueSpaceCanary
Wed Nov 16 19:10:18 +0000 2016
"We Need to Give Him A Chance:" Democrats Downplay Allegations Trump "An Aspect of the Defiler Worm"
Wed Nov 16 18:50:47 +0000 2016
Congressional Budget Office Issues List of Five Hundred Impossible Demands, Written in Senators' Blood on Skin of Interns
Wed Nov 16 06:50:34 +0000 2016
BREAKING: US Poet-Laureate Rushed to Hospital in "Prolific" Condition
Wed Nov 16 02:10:11 +0000 2016
"Cash-for-Labor Scandal:" Secretary of the Blindingly Obvious Accused of Accepting Federal Funds to Perform Basic Tasks of Office
Wed Nov 16 02:09:18 +0000 2016
MIT Department of Theological Engineering Announces Initiative to "Make God Great Again"
Tue Nov 15 23:31:47 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Counterpoint: Desmonida Pruitt, Undead Queen of Sarasota, reports 1783 was a wild party. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Tue Nov 15 23:12:51 +0000 2016
Unions Worry Republicans May Privatize Government Sex Facilities
Tue Nov 15 20:20:38 +0000 2016
Federal Department of Hyperbole to Revoke "Billions Upon Billions" of Artistic Licenses
Tue Nov 15 19:18:42 +0000 2016
WEIRD & WACKY: Florida Man "Hasn't Had Sex Since 1784"
Tue Nov 15 18:18:06 +0000 2016
"They Took It Away And They Put It In Our Dreams:" Whistleblower Speaks Out Against "REDACTED" in IRS Subcontracting
Tue Nov 15 16:31:46 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 They're a bit chatty online, though. https://t.co/P5ubBExI0X — @PithyOrNot
Tue Nov 15 09:10:48 +0000 2016
Citizens Report "Midnight Visits" by "Government Owl Men:" "Just Standing at the Door, Silent, Still, Staring Relentlessly"
Tue Nov 15 08:55:49 +0000 2016
Twitter CEO: "The Birds Are Hungry"
Tue Nov 15 02:47:07 +0000 2016
Florida Man Arrested for Deploying "Implement of Perversion" Within City Limits
Mon Nov 14 20:01:57 +0000 2016
Appearing on NBC, Elon Musk Brandishes Dagger, Demands Reports "Cut Him Open:" "Cut Me Open & Drink Deeply Of My Wisdom"
Mon Nov 14 18:34:02 +0000 2016
Philosophers Warn Exposure to Super Moon May Result in "Anxiety," "Depression," & "Existential Ennui" in "The Unprepared"
Mon Nov 14 17:46:39 +0000 2016
Sources: Super Moon's Light "Dispels All Illusion," "Lays Bare All Deception, Both Good And Ill"
Mon Nov 14 17:45:09 +0000 2016
Experts: Those Not "Fully Aware & At Peace" With Selves, Lives, & Physical Existence Should "Cower & Flee" From Super Moon's Relentless Gaze
Mon Nov 14 17:41:18 +0000 2016
PUBLIC SAFETY ADVISORY: The Light of the Super Moon Reveals Many Things, Some Better Left Hidden
Mon Nov 14 17:38:37 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Supermoon tonight. I hope everyone has a hiding place: cave, mine, bunker, deep basement. Blackout curtains won't suffice! — @UnrealMcGravin
Mon Nov 14 17:38:08 +0000 2016
Anonymous Source: "You Cannot Hope to Best Me;" "Surrender Now & I May Permit You to Live"
Mon Nov 14 13:20:33 +0000 2016
COUNTERPOINT: Invoke Not the Dread Beast, And Speak In Hushed Whispers That It Might Not Rise
Mon Nov 14 13:18:43 +0000 2016
OPINION: Is Donald Trump the Face of the Defiler Worm? Let's Face the Facts
Mon Nov 14 13:15:29 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Procrastinators League of America Endorses Trump — @khymchanur
Sun Nov 13 20:39:50 +0000 2016
the moon explodes and the dead return to life — @NYTMinusContext
Sun Nov 13 15:11:35 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/Zw97QmwkNr — @SwooshyCueb
Sun Nov 13 05:20:45 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/rhBfULTPnj — @rabcyr
Sun Nov 13 01:40:25 +0000 2016
"Turns Out There's No Law Against It:" Florida Man Arrested for Maintaining Clone Harem Released Without Charges
Sun Nov 13 01:32:36 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 You May Wish To Avert Your Eyes As Justice Is Not Always Pretty — @VinnieTesla
Sun Nov 13 00:51:20 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Theosophists: Cryptic clay Bas-Relief discoveries up 230% — @armurray1
Sun Nov 13 00:51:03 +0000 2016
Analysts Blame Poor Performance of Nameless Bone Party Candidate on "Exclusionary" Behavior of "Alt-Wight Activists"
Sat Nov 12 23:08:42 +0000 2016
Obama Blood Czar Criticizes Trump's "Unsophisticated" Blood Policy
Sat Nov 12 22:50:34 +0000 2016
New American Society for Hegemonic Biblioclasm Founded to Continue Defunct Predecessor's "Crucial Work"
Sat Nov 12 22:46:36 +0000 2016
Pressed on War Between Illuminati, Council of Twelve, Obama Briefly Replaced by Large Black Redaction Box
Sat Nov 12 20:37:52 +0000 2016
Pressed on Supreme Court Picks, Trump Stares Silently, Mouth Agape, Drooling at Reporter as Lights Begin to Flicker
Sat Nov 12 19:56:59 +0000 2016
.@ApprovedNews6 I hope they observe the international ban on cluster bears — @Pope_Norm
Sat Nov 12 17:24:38 +0000 2016
"Wait, Whose Is This?" In "Wacky Mix-Up," Illuminati, Council of Twelve Agents Blow Cover Attempting to Sabotage Same Power Station
Sat Nov 12 16:47:09 +0000 2016
Thousands of Seemingly Ordinary Citizens Nationwide Reveal True Identities, Join Battle as War Between Illuminati, Council of Twelve Spreads
Sat Nov 12 16:45:31 +0000 2016
Fighting Between Illuminati, Council of Twelve Intensifies as Illuminati Begins Bearstrikes Nationwide
Sat Nov 12 16:13:05 +0000 2016
there is hope @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/TJklxxqsb7 — @NorWesternCrow
Sat Nov 12 12:29:59 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Council of Twelve Flees Citadel of the Resolute, Pursued by Dozens of Bears, as Illuminati Secretary-General Doubles Up Laughing
Fri Nov 11 20:37:27 +0000 2016
"Impossible," "This Cannot Be," "You All Should Be REDACTED Right Now:" Council of Twelve Emissary Breaks Down Ranting Angrily
Fri Nov 11 20:24:57 +0000 2016
"FOOLED YOU:" Illuminati Grand Inquisitor Balġeez Yakšeeš Pulls Tarp Off Illuminati Fortress, Flips Off Council of Twelve Emissary
Fri Nov 11 20:24:07 +0000 2016
BREAKING: All Contact Lost With Secret Illuminati Fortress in Dakota Restructuring Zone
Fri Nov 11 20:22:05 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 If they're talking about the microwave in the 86th floor break room, it's about time. Thing's been out for weeks now. — @_Staven
Fri Nov 11 20:21:18 +0000 2016
Pressed on Council of Twelve Threats, Illuminati Secretary-General Ulikh Yoor Sticks Out Tongue, Chants "Neener-Neener" at Camera
Fri Nov 11 20:13:03 +0000 2016
"The Device Is Now Operational:" Council of Twelve Issues "Final Ultimatum" to Illuminati
Fri Nov 11 20:11:52 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 ha, not so unstoppable after all, huh? — @baconshire
Fri Nov 11 04:23:55 +0000 2016
Sussex: 69 Fingered by Internal Government Probe
Fri Nov 11 03:30:43 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 HRC Wanders Whispering Woods In Search Of Wise Witch, Finds Only Fairy Queen, WDNE, Disguised As Her… https://t.co/px6YGJL0PI — @NorWesternCrow
Fri Nov 11 02:58:30 +0000 2016
Tomorrow at 8/7c: We Interview Romance Expert Dra. Amorosa Corazón on New Developments in Romantic Topology
Fri Nov 11 01:24:13 +0000 2016
Fearing Trump Sorcery Policy, Activists Take to Internet to Distribute Protective Incantations
Thu Nov 10 21:31:29 +0000 2016
Revenge acquired by Disney — @erowidrecruiter
Thu Nov 10 21:02:02 +0000 2016
Xhaldross the Unstoppable Pulled Over for Traffic Violation
Thu Nov 10 17:06:32 +0000 2016
Did the Great Archfungus Unduly Affect Election Outcome? We Ask the Hard Questions, Tonight on Approved News 6
Thu Nov 10 15:50:30 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 you can just say "White People", you know — @Chirurgic
Thu Nov 10 14:48:17 +0000 2016
Exit Polls: Trump Most Favored by "Vore Fiends, Crab Thieves, & The Infested"
Thu Nov 10 14:45:36 +0000 2016
"Let Us Sin With Magnificence:" Light of Distant Stars Reflecting in Eyes, Eerie Levitating Child Delivers Speech at Washington Monument
Thu Nov 10 04:22:40 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 That fucker has eyes? — @King_Of_Flesh
Wed Nov 09 21:23:56 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, Illuminati Secretary-General Ulikh Yoor Winks Mischeviously, Hands Reporter Gently Whirring Aged Bronze Mechanism
Wed Nov 09 20:11:50 +0000 2016
Illuminati Issues, Immediately Suppresses Press Release; Only Unredacted Word "Trump"
Wed Nov 09 20:11:06 +0000 2016
"The Claw Shall Soon Be Mine:" In "Moving" Victory Speech, Trump Vomits Repeatedly on Crowd, Vows to "Suffocate the Heavens" in "Tar & Bile"
Wed Nov 09 18:28:43 +0000 2016
"The American People Want Blood," "The Blood of Their Enemies, the Blood of Their Friends:" Clinton Bows to Will of the People, Concedes
Wed Nov 09 18:21:57 +0000 2016
Analysts: Politicians Will Have to "Break Everything," "Maybe Start Murdering Constituents in the Streets" to Earn Back Loyalty of Voters
Wed Nov 09 18:18:53 +0000 2016
"America Has Spoken:" Election "A Clear Referendum," Say Experts: "2016 Wasn't Nearly Bad Enough"
Wed Nov 09 18:16:23 +0000 2016
WEIRD & WACKY: Florida Man "Can't Stop" Vomiting Up Ballots; "We Don't Know Where They're Coming From," Say Scientists
Wed Nov 09 18:05:55 +0000 2016
Trump Wins
Wed Nov 09 06:10:51 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 will not be updating further tonight. i don't have the stomach for it. — @velartrill
Wed Nov 09 04:53:36 +0000 2016
Scientists Confirm: The Great Undoing Has Begun
Wed Nov 09 04:51:12 +0000 2016
#ElectionNight: Lightning Flashes Overhead as Trump Stands Atop Trump Tower, Bellowing With Laughter, Spun-Gold Cape Whipping in Wind
Wed Nov 09 04:35:44 +0000 2016
"It Was An Accident," Florida Man Tells Reporters from Hospital Bed https://t.co/nuhwAtPh6l
Wed Nov 09 04:24:00 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Three Vials of Nebraska Terror Serum Discovered Stolen from Bioweapons Research Facility
Wed Nov 09 04:22:49 +0000 2016
#ElectionNight: Florida Man Accidentally the Election
Wed Nov 09 04:21:26 +0000 2016
#ElectionNight: Florida Man Accidentally the Election
Wed Nov 09 04:21:26 +0000 2016
#ElectionNight Exit Polls: Forsaken Party Strongest Among Hollow-Eyed, Emaciated Millennials in Ragged Clothing
Wed Nov 09 03:35:26 +0000 2016
#ElectionNight: Runes of Fire Emblazoned Across Vampire State Building Predict Clinton Victory
Wed Nov 09 03:34:09 +0000 2016
#ElectionNight: Shirtless Man Clad in Animal Furs Standing Atop Washington Monument Calls Florida for Trump
Wed Nov 09 03:33:11 +0000 2016
#ElectionNight: Eerie Wind Rises Up Among Standing Stones All Across America
Wed Nov 09 03:31:03 +0000 2016
UPDATE: War Party, Vore Party Conflation Blamed on Election Worker With German Accent
Wed Nov 09 00:51:47 +0000 2016
.@ApprovedNews6 Yackety Sax Mysteriously Emanates From The Heavens; Travels Above The Car Chase — @Pope_Norm
Wed Nov 09 00:50:50 +0000 2016
Experts: "Consult Your State's Laws" https://t.co/ZX1JqOjJrX
Wed Nov 09 00:50:36 +0000 2016
#ElectionDay: "Don't Make Me Squeeze All Your Blood Out," Trump Tells Reporter
Wed Nov 09 00:25:19 +0000 2016
New Study Throws Doubt on Claims Bad Words Cause Cancer
Tue Nov 08 22:50:33 +0000 2016
FUCK I VOTED FOR THE WRONG CANDIDATE https://t.co/eC6SyltVYH — @SwooshyCueb
Tue Nov 08 22:39:29 +0000 2016
"Let us not divide the electorate with fungus-baiting rhetoric, but rather with sharp implements," Bone Party candi… https://t.co/Iq4l0987t2 — @cveidson
Tue Nov 08 20:15:40 +0000 2016
#ElectionDay: Self-Crucifixion Up 30%
Tue Nov 08 19:32:46 +0000 2016
#ElectionDay: "Wacky Mix-Up" Leads to War Party, Vore Party Candidates Being Swapped on Mississippi Ballots
Tue Nov 08 18:40:49 +0000 2016
#ElectionDay: Hundreds of Mutants Captured Leaving Wyoming Border Slums in Attempt to Vote
Tue Nov 08 18:40:12 +0000 2016
#ElectionDay: Chicago Orb Adopts Patriotic New Color Scheme, Incinerates Thousands With Beams of Wrathful Light
Tue Nov 08 18:27:42 +0000 2016
#ElectionDay: Illuminati Secretary-General Ulikh Yoor Evades Vote Extraction, Fleeing From FEC Troops in Comical High-Speed Car Chase
Tue Nov 08 18:25:04 +0000 2016
#ElectionDay Reminder: Using Your Own Blood to Fill Out Your Ballot is a Federal Crime — Always Use the Blood of a Small Forest Creature
Tue Nov 08 18:23:53 +0000 2016
#ElectionDay: "The Bone Party Is Trying to REDACTED The Election," Furious Trump Tells Reporters
Tue Nov 08 18:20:18 +0000 2016
#ElectionDay: "Serious Questions" Raised After Activists Arrested Putting Up Bone Party Posters at Vote Extraction… https://t.co/hF5ZWPvq5c
Tue Nov 08 18:17:34 +0000 2016
#ElectionDay: Many "Disenchanted" Younger Voters Writing In Deceased Green Party Candidate Lord Carnithrax Bloodgasm as Protest Vote
Tue Nov 08 18:15:27 +0000 2016
#ElectionDay: Pressed for Comment After Casting Its Vote, Nameless Bone Party Candidate Emits Deafening Shriek, Shattering Windows for Miles
Tue Nov 08 18:12:21 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 difficult to write in a nameless candidate. — @tomscud
Tue Nov 08 18:10:36 +0000 2016
Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Kingsley Hellthrash Vows to Prevent "Mycological Meddling" in Presidential Election, Begins Nibbling Podium
Tue Nov 08 18:09:02 +0000 2016
Department of Blood, Sex, & Death Dispatches Thermal Scouring Helicopters to Combat Archfungus
Tue Nov 08 18:07:38 +0000 2016
#ElectionDay: Archfungus Outbreak in Mideast Disrupts Vote Extraction Procedures
Tue Nov 08 18:07:12 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 See, this is why I tell my friends to go to early extraction. The longer you wait, the more it will hurt. — @VersusMe101
Tue Nov 08 18:06:53 +0000 2016
REMINDER: Support #ElectionDay Profiteering by Approved News Sources at https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Tue Nov 08 18:00:24 +0000 2016
Experts: #ElectionDay Victory For Nameless, Formless Bone Party Candidate "Unlikely;" Could Herald "The Great Undoing"
Tue Nov 08 17:59:02 +0000 2016
#ElectionDay: Bone Party Candidate, Shrouded in Black Robes That Whip Violently in Wind Felt By No Other Creature, Arrives at Voting Zone
Tue Nov 08 17:58:16 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Whether this violates the Bird Intimidation Consent Decree will be a matter for the courts. — @VinnieTesla
Tue Nov 08 17:56:55 +0000 2016
#ElectionDay: "The Real Winner Was Inside You All Along," Say Experts
Tue Nov 08 17:56:22 +0000 2016
REMINDER: This #ElectionDay, Learn the Complex History of Our Most Cherished Institution https://t.co/kmlfAOtFWC https://t.co/hhBbPJJREX
Tue Nov 08 17:53:24 +0000 2016
#ElectionDay: Trump Appears at Vote Extraction Zone Aboard Massive Palanquin, Drawn by Ritually Moaning Figures in Iron Masks
Tue Nov 08 17:51:29 +0000 2016
#ElectionDay: Clinton Arrives at Vote Extraction Zone, Bursting Up From Beneath Ground Atop Howling Underbeast
Tue Nov 08 17:49:19 +0000 2016
Obama: "Heed Not These Impostors;" "I Am The One True President"
Tue Nov 08 17:47:53 +0000 2016
#ElectionDay: Thousands of Figures Identical in Every Way to President Obama Begin to Converge on Washington, Smiling Winningly
Tue Nov 08 17:47:13 +0000 2016
ELECTION DAY: Seismomancers Report "Unmistakable Patterns" in Geological Activity "Point Directly" to Clinton Win
Tue Nov 08 17:45:28 +0000 2016
ELECTION DAY: Booming Voice From Sky Predicts Trump Win, Frightens Millions of Birds
Tue Nov 08 17:44:32 +0000 2016
AN IMPORTANT REFERENCE LIST FOR TODAY'S SIGNS AND OMENS. .@ApprovedNews6 .@NightValeRadio https://t.co/ioT9sR6Tun — @jonahformayor
Tue Nov 08 16:47:56 +0000 2016
ELECTION DAY: Blood-Red Ravens Scatter Across All America to Collect Extracted Votes in Their Greedy Claws
Tue Nov 08 16:23:23 +0000 2016
EARLY RESULTS: Bone Party Polling Well Among Headless Children, Moaning Things In Closet, & Tragically Mutilated Se… https://t.co/LeibbQpkhY
Tue Nov 08 16:20:28 +0000 2016
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: ELECTION DAY IS HERE - REPORT TO YOUR DESIGNATED VOTE EXTRACTION ZONE
Tue Nov 08 16:16:46 +0000 2016
City Planners May Relocate Outer Space to Small Texas Neighborhood
Tue Nov 08 03:16:02 +0000 2016
Florida Man Reinvents Wheel — Again
Tue Nov 08 03:02:33 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Activists petition for separation of church and state sex facilities. — @jleedev
Mon Nov 07 20:44:44 +0000 2016
Experts on Rising Levels of Atheism Among Gods: https://t.co/JIb479HIE2
Mon Nov 07 20:36:58 +0000 2016
"Fuck You," Say Sources: "Just, Fuck You," "I Used To Have A Life, I Used To Have A Family," "I'm Dead Anyway So Get It Over With Already"
Mon Nov 07 20:18:38 +0000 2016
As Election Approaches, 90% of Americans Report Dreaming Nightly of Snakes
Mon Nov 07 15:45:15 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 they just have to believe in themselves — @JonnieMarbLes
Mon Nov 07 01:10:52 +0000 2016
God Psychologists' Union: "It can be difficult to counsel infallible beings with low self-esteem," howls spokes-sil… https://t.co/ru44wWjZfg — @cveidson
Mon Nov 07 00:57:10 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Tch. Hipster deities, with their lumberjack beards and their tight pants. — @munin
Mon Nov 07 00:37:29 +0000 2016
New Poll: More Gods Each Year Identifying as Atheists
Mon Nov 07 00:36:19 +0000 2016
@ShinNovaheart @ApprovedNews6 tbqh the entire Necropolis went to shit when ghouls got the vote. And it's not speciesism, I'm 1/4th wight. — @PithyOrNot
Mon Nov 07 00:24:59 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 I don't support the skeleton agenda and its pro-bone marrow agenda — @ShinNovaheart
Sun Nov 06 23:28:31 +0000 2016
Minorities "Getting Fat Off Government Blood," Say Bone Party Activists
Sun Nov 06 20:12:24 +0000 2016
Colorado to Legalize Recreational Sorcery
Sun Nov 06 17:00:58 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Related: Is "Congress" too suggestive a word for polite social intercourse? — @_Staven
Sun Nov 06 15:40:19 +0000 2016
.@ApprovedNews6 Congress already working on amending public decency laws to take into account the recent findings. https://t.co/JQ1io4ifi9 — @_Staven
Sun Nov 06 15:40:17 +0000 2016
Experimental Linguists Discover World's Sexiest Conjunction
Sun Nov 06 15:27:10 +0000 2016
Trump Endorses Self
Sun Nov 06 10:33:28 +0000 2016
She's Baaack: "Call Me Maybe" as Performed by Dead Insects and Spiders — @HeadlineSmasher
Sun Nov 06 10:21:35 +0000 2016
Iowans Report Appearance of "Nuclear Sex Cathedral"
Sun Nov 06 06:13:10 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Sources: "I don't remember buying this", "how did it get here?" — @baconshire
Sat Nov 05 21:13:59 +0000 2016
New Study: Most Common Household Product "Discontinued Item #7"
Sat Nov 05 21:09:01 +0000 2016
REMINDER: Approved News 6 Relies on Donations from Viewers Like You to ██████████ Permanent ███████ Global Biosphere https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Sat Nov 05 19:52:38 +0000 2016
FULL ARTICLE | A History of Democracy, by Rebecca Rosenwolf https://t.co/yrPaGOFLZG https://t.co/EPYzzfBjto
Sat Nov 05 19:43:00 +0000 2016
As Polls Open, Police Begin Raiding Homes of Suspected Vote Extraction Evaders
Sat Nov 05 15:38:22 +0000 2016
Florida Man Discovers New Sin
Sat Nov 05 15:17:26 +0000 2016
MIT Biologists Successfully Breed Turing-Complete Cat
Sat Nov 05 00:46:33 +0000 2016
SHOCKING REPORT: Children As Young As 10 May Be Getting High on Jesus
Fri Nov 04 21:27:52 +0000 2016
Newslords Break Long-Standing Policy, Endorse US Bone Party Candidate: "He Is In Our Homes And We Are Terrified Of His Power"
Fri Nov 04 21:02:20 +0000 2016
Mitt Romney REDACTED The Dancing Man; Battle Spreads to Arkansas
Fri Nov 04 19:42:38 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 "Hey, That is *Not* Cool," Say Experts. "Not Cool at *All*." — @khymchanur
Fri Nov 04 15:58:42 +0000 2016
I take responsibility for both incidents in the name of the Squirrel Liberation Front. @ApprovedNews6 @Ratatpsk4 https://t.co/QEASmf50kr — @surly_squirrel
Fri Nov 04 15:57:37 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 There seems to an upsurgence. https://t.co/HJzIbcwZgX — @GeorgeWHerbert
Fri Nov 04 04:34:58 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 This news brings [REDACTED] to my heart and [REDACTED]. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Thu Nov 03 21:15:11 +0000 2016
Polls Show Clinton REDACTED Trump [REDACTED] Throne of the Seven Manifold Glories [REDACTED] Final Victory of the [REDACTED] Nigh
Thu Nov 03 19:59:30 +0000 2016
Texas State Police: Prime Suspect in Series of Gruesome Murders "The Essential Hubris of Man"
Thu Nov 03 12:56:22 +0000 2016
UPDATE: "Wait, What Is That?" Report Experts: "You Can't — Oh God;" "Oh God No, Please, Anything But That," "We're So Sorry"
Thu Nov 03 12:54:09 +0000 2016
"Ha Ha Ha," Say Experts: "Bet You Didn't See This Coming;" "How Do You Like Us Now, Eh?"
Thu Nov 03 12:53:04 +0000 2016
Meryl Streep Could Be Used for Fuel — @HeadlineSmasher
Thu Nov 03 11:17:34 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/tqhhR4rlei — @khymchanur
Thu Nov 03 08:48:49 +0000 2016
National Union of Sluts Accuses Foreign Workers of "Coming Over Here And Taking Our Dicks"
Wed Nov 02 23:15:40 +0000 2016
FEC Troops Begin Deploying to American Cities, Setting Up Checkpoints to Deter Eligible Voters from Fleeing
Wed Nov 02 18:54:59 +0000 2016
Gently Menacing Apparitions in Congressional Cloakroom Endorse Clinton
Wed Nov 02 17:17:32 +0000 2016
Sources: Donjeta the Despoiler Has "Resumed Leadership" of the Albanian Bone-Horde, Seized Control of Albanian Bone-Hoard
Wed Nov 02 16:12:33 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Airs Wednesday Night, 8/7c, After Season Premiere of "Say Yes to Possess" — @70_million
Wed Nov 02 16:11:41 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Deposed Albanian Bonelord Donjeta the Despoiler Escapes UN Custody
Wed Nov 02 16:10:02 +0000 2016
TV: "The Learning Charnel" Announces Albanian Bone-Hoard Expedition
Wed Nov 02 16:03:57 +0000 2016
SPONSORED: Subvert Revolutions Fast With This One Weird Trick, Discovered by a Mom - The Military-Industrial Complex Hates Her!
Wed Nov 02 13:03:45 +0000 2016
cc: @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/8VDC71h3zO — @_b_e_n_c_
Tue Nov 01 18:11:45 +0000 2016
MIT Department of Papal Engineering Develops First Computer Capable of Sin
Mon Oct 31 23:47:41 +0000 2016
Concerned Parents: https://t.co/Jntac0vDWm
Mon Oct 31 23:43:44 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/b0yeyZbW7k — @_Staven
Mon Oct 31 18:58:24 +0000 2016
"It Goes In Your Ear:" Stony-Faced Tim Cook Announces "New Dongle" in Eerie Black & White Video, Holding Candle to Face, Whispering
Mon Oct 31 12:27:37 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Yeah, but Pepe Himself pissed on Trump, so the Amphibious Endorsement is clear. — @SpikyCaterpillr
Mon Oct 31 09:49:15 +0000 2016
EXPERTS: Reports "Highly Unconvincingly" https://t.co/Gn18rvrrur
Mon Oct 31 09:06:30 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 this is FROG OPPRESSION — @NoraReed
Mon Oct 31 08:50:33 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 i can't believe you would say this. #notallfrogs — @NoraReed
Mon Oct 31 08:50:30 +0000 2016
Ten Story-Tall Frog Covered in Swastikas Endorses Trump
Mon Oct 31 08:49:00 +0000 2016
"Can We Just, Like, Not," Say Sources: "I Mean, Seriously, Guys"
Mon Oct 31 03:44:47 +0000 2016
PUBLIC SAFETY ADVISORY: Florida Man Has Opinion
Sun Oct 30 23:41:46 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 How to recognize a reptilian politician! — @abovetopsecretx
Sun Oct 30 22:07:50 +0000 2016
Republicans Demand Budget Cuts to Government Snake Facilities
Sun Oct 30 21:11:03 +0000 2016
Librarian Beats Man to Death With Book Club
Sun Oct 30 21:06:01 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Evidence Of Time Traveling Florida Man Surfaces In Eleanor Roosevelt's Diary @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/xZmVxLOjel — @Pope_Norm
Sun Oct 30 19:26:45 +0000 2016
cc @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/3idGTHtYp5 — @munin
Sun Oct 30 19:26:29 +0000 2016
Big government at it again!!!!! https://t.co/nCXcAo1VYz — @pattymo
Sun Oct 30 04:05:09 +0000 2016
WEIRD & WACKY: Genetic Analysis Proves Pharaoh Akhenaten Time-Traveling Florida Man
Sun Oct 30 03:18:49 +0000 2016
.@ApprovedNews6 Wow, Care Bear poaching is #1 again! — @Pope_Norm
Sat Oct 29 23:44:01 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 It's always those blasted [REDACTED]! Have you seen how they mutilate cows!? — @King_Of_Flesh
Sat Oct 29 23:00:57 +0000 2016
"Obama, The Jews, The Masons, The REDACTED, It All Makes Sense:" Trump Unveils Enormous Flow Chart, Shouts at CNN Anchor
Sat Oct 29 22:39:33 +0000 2016
Harvard Law Review Publishes Annual Ranking of Crimes from Most to Least Fun
Sat Oct 29 16:58:46 +0000 2016
Secretary of the Interior Taken Into Protective Custody After Bears Nationwide Begin Converging on Her Location
Sat Oct 29 04:13:45 +0000 2016
Karl Rove Leads Walrus Stampede on Wall Street
Fri Oct 28 20:20:10 +0000 2016
9% of Americans Admit to Use of Recreational Curses, Up From 5% in 2007
Fri Oct 28 17:43:58 +0000 2016
"Let Us Down From Here This Very Instant," Say Experts: "This Is Not Funny!"
Fri Oct 28 07:05:03 +0000 2016
RELATED: Black Teenager Found Innocent of All Charges, Sentenced to Fifty Years in Prison
Thu Oct 27 23:52:56 +0000 2016
"Yep, Looks Good To Me;" "I'm Sure This Won't Have Any Politically Dangerous Ramifications At All:" Judge Affirms Jury's Verdict Crime Legal
Thu Oct 27 23:50:44 +0000 2016
"They've Got A Point;" "We Can't Really Argue With That:" Prosecutors Acknowledge Jury's "Strong Case" Crime Permissible Under Federal Law
Thu Oct 27 23:47:50 +0000 2016
"Violently Commandeering Federal Facilities is Completely Within the Rights of Any Citizen:" Jury Delivers Unanimous Verdict
Thu Oct 27 23:45:13 +0000 2016
US District Court Rules Crime Legal
Thu Oct 27 23:43:33 +0000 2016
Denver, CO: Flaming Wing Motif Found Burned Into Wall Above Stack of Lacerated Corpses
Thu Oct 27 22:30:55 +0000 2016
Sources: "Yes" https://t.co/NSIJ9yl2A7
Thu Oct 27 22:28:19 +0000 2016
Alabama Teen Killed by Cloud
Thu Oct 27 19:43:54 +0000 2016
"This Is Gonna Hurt:" Apple to Add "Always-On" Microwave Pain Inducers to All Products; $AAPL Rises 12%
Thu Oct 27 19:42:14 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 the federal government can't maintain this ridiculous ban on Florida's state sport — @Chirurgic
Thu Oct 27 17:50:05 +0000 2016
Florida Man Convicted of Conspiracy to Commit Armed Adultery
Thu Oct 27 17:46:36 +0000 2016
South Korea Prime Minister Apologizes For Being Controlled By Secret Cabal Of Psychic Women @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/PjknqVfsjw — @_Staven
Thu Oct 27 17:20:14 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 They'll have to pry my teeth out of the cold, dead, tiny hands of the tooth fairies. — @khymchanur
Thu Oct 27 15:18:31 +0000 2016
"WorldGov Wants Your Teeth," Warns Associate Professor of Conspiracy Studies Dr. Ángela Portillo
Thu Oct 27 07:43:54 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Microsoft to Offer New VoIP (Vengeance Over IP) Service — @khymchanur
Thu Oct 27 07:39:42 +0000 2016
Last Surviving Slaughtergate Investigator Dies at Age of 3,971
Thu Oct 27 05:53:59 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment on Iran, Clinton Rolls Eyes Back in Head, Chants Blood-Hymn of the Faceless Adjutant
Thu Oct 27 05:30:48 +0000 2016
"It's Like He Knows Something We Don't:" D.C. Voters "Agitated" at Appearance of Trump's Disembodied Grin in Sky
Thu Oct 27 04:27:17 +0000 2016
Trump's Disembodied Grin Appears in Skies Over Washington, D.C.
Thu Oct 27 04:25:49 +0000 2016
"There Is But Death Here," Polls Show
Thu Oct 27 04:15:55 +0000 2016
Department of Sorrow Issues Tear-Stained Press Release
Wed Oct 26 20:02:34 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 That's got to be a cutting withdrawal. — @munin
Wed Oct 26 18:18:18 +0000 2016
Chuch of the Long Knife Retracts Trump Endorsement
Wed Oct 26 18:17:52 +0000 2016
Information Theorists Perform World's First Memectomy
Tue Oct 25 21:39:45 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 If this is at 15th and Orange Ave it’s normal for that intersection. — @substitute
Tue Oct 25 20:10:30 +0000 2016
BREAKING: All Known Depictions of Virgin Mary Catch Fire
Tue Oct 25 20:10:21 +0000 2016
Witnesses Report "The Steady Throb of A Thousand Lurking Hearts," "The Snapping of Twigs Right Behind You"
Tue Oct 25 20:08:44 +0000 2016
Authorities Blame DC Metrorail Delays on "The Stalker in the Catacombs"
Tue Oct 25 18:16:17 +0000 2016
"A Thousand Knives for the God of Lies:" Festival Held in Ruins of New York City to Honor the Lobster King
Tue Oct 25 05:13:02 +0000 2016
WEIRD AND WACKY: ████████ ███████ ████ Video █████████ Wings of Flame, ██████ ████ Found Devoid of Life
Mon Oct 24 23:49:25 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 will the Newslords comment on a rival network’s attempt to undermine the stability of time? seems ba… https://t.co/uj1zbUaQdC — @chrysopoetics
Mon Oct 24 23:09:38 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Bah. The Sex Party is just trying to promote the Sex Party Sex Parties under a pretense of bolstering the budget. — @_Staven
Mon Oct 24 20:50:15 +0000 2016
Sex Party Proposes Virginity Tax
Mon Oct 24 20:03:17 +0000 2016
"There Is A Void Inside Us All, My Friend:" Mitt Romney, Clad in Tattered Robes, Blindfold, Appears on Four Talk Shows Simultaneously
Mon Oct 24 19:44:40 +0000 2016
International Society of Stonemasons, Gravediggers, & Hangmen Endorses Clinton
Mon Oct 24 19:12:54 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 man, they're really selling those? I thought the artificial blood pact lawsuit put them out of production. — @lycoris_aurea
Mon Oct 24 05:27:49 +0000 2016
POLL: Where Will You Be on Election Day?
Mon Oct 24 02:14:38 +0000 2016
Cc: @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/rvVRzJZP2N — @shurimon
Mon Oct 24 01:35:05 +0000 2016
Oh yeah? Then why won't he release the long form death certificate? https://t.co/u6GtLT85Bh — @SimeonTheFool
Mon Oct 24 00:59:09 +0000 2016
Trump: "Barack Obama Has Been Dead For Years And He Still Won't Admit It"
Mon Oct 24 00:42:24 +0000 2016
SPONSORED: Hex Your Lunch! Now Available in Nine Deliciously Cursed Flavors
Mon Oct 24 00:38:15 +0000 2016
POLL: Who Was the Real Loser of the Third Presidential Debate?
Mon Oct 24 00:02:58 +0000 2016
POLL: Who Was the Real Winner of the Third Presidential Debate?
Sun Oct 23 23:46:33 +0000 2016
FULL ARTICLE | Trump, Clinton Face Off in Third Presidential Debate https://t.co/sKz8jMHyci
Sun Oct 23 23:30:56 +0000 2016
Newslords "Absolutely Will Not" Illegally Use Viewer Contributions to Evade Vote Extraction, Reliable Sources Report
Sun Oct 23 21:49:21 +0000 2016
REMINDER: Support Our Election Coverage With a Monthly Donation https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Sun Oct 23 21:48:27 +0000 2016
"The Vote Extraction Process is a Cornerstone of American Democracy:" Obama Condemns Americans Fleeing Election 2016
Sun Oct 23 21:42:15 +0000 2016
"Don't Make Us Vote," "Please, We Have Children, Families:" Americans Fleeing Election Plead for Mercy
Sun Oct 23 21:41:36 +0000 2016
Hundreds of Americans Captured at Mexican Border Attempting to Flee Election
Sun Oct 23 21:39:35 +0000 2016
"I Had To Walk All the Way Here From 1969:" Drenched, Furious Mitch McConnell Interrupts Live Broadcast, Berates CNN Anchor
Sun Oct 23 13:55:07 +0000 2016
Cc: @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/TbOafSb6to — @rhcm123
Sun Oct 23 02:02:58 +0000 2016
Republicans Propose Bill Banning Use of Federal Funds in Resurrection Rituals
Sat Oct 22 21:34:43 +0000 2016
REMINDER: Questioning Approved News Sources is a Class 7 Heresy https://t.co/FgFE9cxPbL
Sat Oct 22 20:09:39 +0000 2016
Charles J. Bloodhorn International Charities "Will Not Rule Out" Use of Nuclear Weapons to Prevent Trump Presidency
Sat Oct 22 20:03:18 +0000 2016
Survivors of San Francisco Chimney-Bombings Demand Prosecution of Illuminati Agents
Sat Oct 22 19:54:48 +0000 2016
In "Blistering Dissent," Supreme Court Justice, Decorative Battleaxe Collector Martha E. Wallace Beheads Justice Roberts
Sat Oct 22 19:51:02 +0000 2016
Supreme Court Rules Bullets "Protected Speech"
Sat Oct 22 19:49:35 +0000 2016
Masked Gunman Fired From CNN After Mugging Co-Host
Sat Oct 22 19:46:11 +0000 2016
5 Ways to Tell Your Votive Wine Has Been Poisoned by Gremlins — #3 Will Shock You!
Sat Oct 22 19:28:44 +0000 2016
Cursed Pigs Flood Livestock Markets; Authorities Baffled
Sat Oct 22 19:24:09 +0000 2016
Telecoms Silent on Epidemic of Bleeding Phones
Sat Oct 22 19:12:04 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Pack of Feral IP Address Hounds Savage Twitter's DNS Server — @khymchanur
Fri Oct 21 21:05:47 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 so, what, we can pursue it, as long as we don't actually catch it? — @baconshire
Fri Oct 21 12:45:50 +0000 2016
Happiness "Unconstitutional," Supreme Court Rules
Fri Oct 21 12:16:57 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 bandwagon-jumpers... — @Chirurgic
Fri Oct 21 11:26:24 +0000 2016
Nebraska Terrorswarm Endorses Nameless Bone Party Candidate
Fri Oct 21 03:54:34 +0000 2016
Spider Council Claims Responsibility for Invisible Teleporting Spider Epidemic
Thu Oct 20 20:33:59 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 oh good, maybe they'll evacuate the undergrads and the library will be quiet again. — @tanglefox
Thu Oct 20 17:59:48 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 if they can replace my old state's governor I'm for it — @BlueSpaceCanary
Thu Oct 20 17:54:35 +0000 2016
"Talking About Them Only Makes Them More Powerful:" MIT Spider Scientists Release "Urgent" Report
Thu Oct 20 17:45:00 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Teleporting Spiders in New Jersey Develop Power of Invisibility
Thu Oct 20 17:42:44 +0000 2016
New Jersey Afflicted by Plague of Teleporting Spiders
Thu Oct 20 17:31:54 +0000 2016
@connor_medcalf I preferred the shows they did with Nolo Contendere in '92. @ApprovedNews6 — @jbwhelan
Thu Oct 20 16:47:58 +0000 2016
I saw Clawback Provision cover their B Side, Fiduciary Misconduct. https://t.co/h8JhezxIFt — @GlomarResponder
Thu Oct 20 16:46:42 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 I saw Writ of Mandamus open for Habeas Corpus in '94 — @connor_medcalf
Thu Oct 20 16:45:42 +0000 2016
Lawpunk Band "Writ of Mandamus" Sues Trump Campaign For Use of Song "Amicus" in Campaign Ads
Thu Oct 20 16:42:21 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 An excerpt from the statement he gave the press: "..." — @_Staven
Thu Oct 20 07:36:57 +0000 2016
Concerned Parents Warn Teens Using "Powerful Incantations" to Get High
Thu Oct 20 07:30:32 +0000 2016
Forbidden Lands Shadow Council Imprisons Man Accused of Smuggling Meaningful Silences
Thu Oct 20 06:57:15 +0000 2016
EXPOSÉ: Maniacal Eggs Terrorize Bird Website
Thu Oct 20 06:45:00 +0000 2016
Experts: "You'll Be Sorry"
Thu Oct 20 03:37:49 +0000 2016
ORB NEWS: https://t.co/4DZM2FI1c4
Wed Oct 19 22:14:51 +0000 2016
.@ApprovedNews6 "ooooooo" is not even a word, let alone a message. More Gary Johnson missteps. — @Pope_Norm
Wed Oct 19 17:24:28 +0000 2016
DARPA To Weaponize The Discourse
Wed Oct 19 05:23:47 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Weird. My oatmeal said 3rd party votes are for people with commitment issues and low self esteem. — @IncookieCook
Wed Oct 19 04:10:13 +0000 2016
Parents Report Messages Appearing in Children's Breakfast Cereal, Urging Voters to Support Gary Johnson
Wed Oct 19 04:07:26 +0000 2016
Experts: "Get Out of My Office"
Wed Oct 19 01:43:46 +0000 2016
Scientists at Austin's Large Meme Collider Detect Evidence of Subtweets
Wed Oct 19 00:17:29 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 You could lure the News Orb with its opposite: https://t.co/svTWx7tCAM — @gilmourtaylor
Wed Oct 19 00:14:10 +0000 2016
Dressed in Racially Offensive Costume, God of Appropriation Voices Support for Washington Redskins
Tue Oct 18 17:05:35 +0000 2016
“But, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, in the end, my client may have murdered his wife, but it was in the study w… https://t.co/TXvN8DuTQL — @zygoteofxyzzy
Tue Oct 18 16:56:32 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Florida Man Issues Public Response https://t.co/QZlJqBhDBd
Tue Oct 18 06:49:15 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Man Has Opinion
Tue Oct 18 06:20:48 +0000 2016
"Please, Just Take Them," "We Don't Have Time To Explain:" Standing on Streetcorner, NRA Officials Hand Out Hundreds of Rifles to Passers-By
Tue Oct 18 06:19:52 +0000 2016
Writing for the Majority, Decorative Battleaxe Collector, Supreme Court Justice Martha E. Wallace Labels Ironic Crime "Protected Speech"
Tue Oct 18 06:12:02 +0000 2016
Supreme Court Rules Irony Defense Permissible in Murder Cases
Tue Oct 18 06:09:32 +0000 2016
President Mary Winthrop of South Florida Unveils Monument to State's Secession https://t.co/t7pswDoZAJ
Tue Oct 18 03:19:46 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Environmentalists Protest Proposed Bog Butt Mine. "Butts Are a Vital Part of the Bog Ecosystem." — @khymchanur
Tue Oct 18 01:39:26 +0000 2016
Researchers Discover Butts in a Bog — @sciencesuggests
Tue Oct 18 00:50:24 +0000 2016
Analysts: Masked Gunman "A Mainstay of Establishment Politics;" Johnson Endorsement "Shocking"
Mon Oct 17 23:12:51 +0000 2016
Masked Gunman Endorses Gary Johnson
Mon Oct 17 21:59:32 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Experts: "Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Hold On There!" — @khymchanur
Mon Oct 17 15:24:02 +0000 2016
cc @ApprovedNews6 In "unrelated" news, President of Florida nowhere to be seen. https://t.co/EDMMa92N19 — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Oct 17 02:30:41 +0000 2016
New Startup Helps Politicians Outsource Lying
Mon Oct 17 01:36:48 +0000 2016
Solemn Bearers of the Midnight Sword Convicted on Multiple Counts of Tax Fraud
Mon Oct 17 01:32:49 +0000 2016
"This Isn't The America I Grew Up In:" CNN Newscaster Admits to Extradimensional Origins
Sun Oct 16 23:59:46 +0000 2016
Senate Considers Bill to Levy Tariffs on Import of Metaphysical Impossibilities
Sun Oct 16 20:18:38 +0000 2016
Inside Sources: "Nothing Is Worse Than This"
Sun Oct 16 20:13:43 +0000 2016
"A Malefic Revenant Bent on Universal Subjugation:" American Family Council Endorses Trump
Sun Oct 16 19:52:51 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment on Lumbering Monstrosity Obstructing Traffic in D.C., White House Spokesman Swears Loudly, Flees Podium
Sun Oct 16 18:49:22 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Sin is relative. — @ladyjax
Sun Oct 16 18:16:21 +0000 2016
Experimental Lawyers at Heavy Crime Collider Discover Third Fundamental Particle of Justice
Sun Oct 16 18:09:09 +0000 2016
COUNTERPOINT: Levitation is a Sin
Sun Oct 16 18:07:01 +0000 2016
OPINION: Levitation is a Racial Justice Issue
Sun Oct 16 18:06:32 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 I blame those Harry Potter books. — @IncookieCook
Sun Oct 16 18:02:04 +0000 2016
"Sex Communists Want To Make Our Children Swingers:" Concerned Parents Issue Press Release
Sun Oct 16 17:54:07 +0000 2016
"Hellthrash? More Like Helltrash!" Trump Mocks Secretary of Blood, Sex, & Death Kingsley Hellthrash as "Soft on REDACTED"
Sun Oct 16 17:26:39 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 "Nonsense", Says Russian Embassy In Official Statement, "We'll take anyone's blood we can" — @zacaj_
Sun Oct 16 17:22:56 +0000 2016
"The Russians Want My Blood:" Nobel Laureate Christine Terrorsmith Tells Us Why She's Suddenly Relocated to a Fortified Underground Bunker
Sun Oct 16 17:11:01 +0000 2016
Marketing Cartel Kidnaps Hundreds of Inmates from St. Xerxes' Charitable Home for the Terminally Folksy
Sun Oct 16 04:30:32 +0000 2016
.@ApprovedNews6 "Time Traveler Only" Parking Cited as Discriminatory https://t.co/XjLr2H479u — @cveidson
Sun Oct 16 02:07:24 +0000 2016
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: News Hounds Pursue Tirelessly Those Who Shirk Their Civic Duties
Sat Oct 15 20:59:46 +0000 2016
As Election Day Approaches, More & More Americans Fleeing Country to Avoid Vote Extraction Procedures
Sat Oct 15 20:58:52 +0000 2016
News Hounds Massing Near Municipal Standing Stones, A Clear Omen Electiontide Draws Near
Sat Oct 15 19:14:27 +0000 2016
Ghoul of the Tattered Dome Retracts Trump Endorsement
Fri Oct 14 22:33:38 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 "A coherent brand identity is crucial to every stage of child development. Don't let your kids grow up without one" — @joe_no_body
Fri Oct 14 22:31:45 +0000 2016
Top Marketers: "Staying On-Brand" Must Be "Top Priority" of Future Parents
Fri Oct 14 22:28:38 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Experts have one question: Should the entity be considered a person or a municipality? https://t.co/MHDy18AOX2 — @jleedev
Fri Oct 14 22:27:53 +0000 2016
Concerned Parents Call for "Mandatory K-12 Classes" Teaching Children How to Beat Up Protestors
Fri Oct 14 17:37:17 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, Exalted Magister of the Sibilant Syllable Murdolph Theophagous Could Not be Heard Over Loud Man's Phone Conversation
Fri Oct 14 17:36:15 +0000 2016
Conclave of Whispers Disrupted by Loud Man in Suit
Fri Oct 14 17:34:53 +0000 2016
"You're going to remember this rally for the rest of your lives," Trump tells crowd in Cincinnati. — @mckaycoppins
Fri Oct 14 01:27:24 +0000 2016
Joe: "It's not much of a boon, really. I can only make eels come up out of old-timey wells." @ApprovedNews6 — @Pope_Norm
Thu Oct 13 20:35:20 +0000 2016
New Startup to Politicize Space
Thu Oct 13 19:01:27 +0000 2016
Heritage Foundation Unveils Plan to "Privatize the Sky"
Thu Oct 13 18:03:13 +0000 2016
Great Connecticut Eel Emerges From Well of Distant Dreams, Bestows Mysterious Boon on Seven Seemingly Ordinary Citizens
Thu Oct 13 17:54:24 +0000 2016
Trump: Clinton 'has to go to cyberjail' — @cyberprefixer
Wed Oct 12 23:00:12 +0000 2016
Terrorwitch of the Tower of Torments Meets With Obama to Discuss Extradition Treaty
Wed Oct 12 22:58:41 +0000 2016
Indie Slut Rock Music Festival Disrupted by Concerned Parents — @ApprovedNews6
Wed Oct 12 19:32:49 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 I'm a parent and I cannot approve of this sort of debauchery. The kind of debauchery we had at that age was far superior. — @gilmourtaylor
Wed Oct 12 19:32:43 +0000 2016
REMINDER: Approved News 6 Relies on Your Funding to REDACTED Right In The [REDACTED] https://t.co/KHkGIAcmfi
Tue Oct 11 22:01:39 +0000 2016
Cc: @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/ijanuYwnVd — @rhcm123
Tue Oct 11 21:59:07 +0000 2016
Indie Slut Rock Music Festival Disrupted by Concerned Parents
Tue Oct 11 21:57:26 +0000 2016
"The Great Undoing Has Begun:" Press Conference Turns Chaotic After MIT Professor of Computational Thaumaturgy Makes Controversial Claim
Tue Oct 11 21:56:12 +0000 2016
"Fuck Me Up," Say Experts: "Do Your Fucking Worst, I Just Can't Take It Anymore"
Tue Oct 11 21:51:04 +0000 2016
Trump Calls Press Conference, Vomits Blood of Iraqi Children for Hours as Room Fills With Flies
Tue Oct 11 07:22:57 +0000 2016
"Blood Is Boring," "Blood Is The Past:" New "21st Century" Coven to Focus on Infohexes, Datamancy
Mon Oct 10 23:28:25 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/sVuXdv67W4 — @jburnmurdoch
Mon Oct 10 20:33:30 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 This Adorable Kitten will never be stopped. He will rule from coast to coast, from sea to seam & bathe in Hades' water dish. — @ladyjax
Mon Oct 10 20:24:46 +0000 2016
This Monk of the Bronze Mask Was Indwelt By A Spirit of Boundless Depravity; What Happened Next Will REDACTED You
Mon Oct 10 19:41:17 +0000 2016
4 Ancient Evils That Could Be Lurking In Your Home
Mon Oct 10 19:38:08 +0000 2016
This Adorable Kitten Must Be Stopped
Mon Oct 10 19:31:09 +0000 2016
In Campaign Stunt, Trump Causes Volcanic Eruption
Mon Oct 10 18:24:28 +0000 2016
Secretary of Homeland Security on Detroit Orb Scare: "Initiate Paradigm CRUCIFORM SPHINX, This Is Not A Drill"
Mon Oct 10 17:44:23 +0000 2016
REMINDER: Approved News 6 Relies on Viewer Funding to Maintain Staff Upon the Distant Peaks of the Forbidden Lands https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Mon Oct 10 03:06:27 +0000 2016
As Figures in Waterlogged Cloaks Usher Candidates Offstage, Forbidden Lands Shadow Council Begins to Chant Haunting Melody
Mon Oct 10 02:43:38 +0000 2016
Debate Concludes Abruptly as Forbidden Lands Shadow Council Swarms Stage, Adorning Candidates With Rusted Iron Jewelry
Mon Oct 10 02:40:18 +0000 2016
Trump: "They Cut His Heart Out, Sure, But That Didn't Kill Him," "It Was The Fingers, They Got In Deep" #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 02:39:11 +0000 2016
Clinton: "We'll Create Millions of New Jobs, More Jobs Than People, More Jobs Than Stars, More Jobs Than There Is Light" #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 02:37:31 +0000 2016
Trump: "They Said it's Radioactive Bears That Killed Scalia, But I Know The Truth" #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 02:29:08 +0000 2016
Clinton: "Dark Money is Smothering the Sun;" "You Might Not Like the Sun, Donald, But We Need The Sun To Live" #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 02:26:54 +0000 2016
Trump: "I'm Gonna Sow This Country Back Together," "We'll Use Needles, We'll Use Stitches, Gonna Get Blood Everywhere" #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 02:22:46 +0000 2016
"We All Know You Built Bill in Your Garage Out of Spare Parts:" Trump Attempts to Link Clinton to Husband's Rhetoric
Mon Oct 10 02:17:48 +0000 2016
Trump Shields Self From Sudden Downpour With Aura of Pure, Boiling Hate #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 01:56:14 +0000 2016
Clinton Seemingly Unperturbed After Being Struck by Lightning Seven Times #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 01:51:52 +0000 2016
Thunder Roars, Rain Begins to Fall Through Ruined Roof of Forsaken Temple Hosting #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 01:49:40 +0000 2016
Trump Accuses Clinton of "Elitism" for Answering Question in Cursed Tongue of the Salamanders #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 01:46:47 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Debate Moderator Released from Cage, Returned to UN Custody After Emotional Breakdown, Replaced With Owl #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 01:45:13 +0000 2016
Forbidden Lands Shadow Council Goads Weeping Debate Moderator, Deposed Albanian Bonelord Donjeta the Despoiler with Sharp Stick #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 01:44:04 +0000 2016
"What Happened to You, Donjeta?", "You Used to be a Man, Now Look At You:" Clinton Taunts Moderator #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 01:40:18 +0000 2016
"The Last Time I Debated Under A Full Moon, It Killed Me:" Trump Accuses Forbidden Lands Shadow Council of "Bias" #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 01:37:44 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Hey, bags of snakes and leech hives already have the vote, why not orbs too? — @khymchanur
Mon Oct 10 01:36:48 +0000 2016
Trump Unhinges Jaw #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 01:36:17 +0000 2016
Clinton: "Just Because I Don't Think America Should Be Criminalizing Levitation, That Makes Me A Tricky Witch?" #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 01:28:44 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Trump Accuses Clinton of Tricky Witchcraft #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 01:26:24 +0000 2016
"It's Just Words:" Trump Downplays Own History of Placing Curses on the Destitute & Infirm #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 01:22:35 +0000 2016
"He Had America's Longest Neck When I Was Through With Him:" Clinton Outlines Plan to Fight Crime #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 01:18:25 +0000 2016
"There's A Kind of Knife, It Cuts A Part of You You Can't See:" Trump Talks Tough on Crime #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 01:15:20 +0000 2016
Clinton: "I Did Not Sleep Beneath the Earth for Eons Only to be Vanquished by the Yellow Defiler" #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 01:11:14 +0000 2016
"Get Your Knives Out," "Get Ready for The Flaying Hour:" Trump Goads #DebateNight Audience
Mon Oct 10 01:07:57 +0000 2016
"That's Pretty Rich, Coming From The Man Who Destroyed Albania:" Clinton Deflects #DebateNight Moderator's Pointed Questions
Mon Oct 10 01:05:56 +0000 2016
#DebateNight Moderator Presses Trump on Dread Rites
Mon Oct 10 01:05:22 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 I bet the average Orb paid more taxes than Trump — @Chirurgic
Mon Oct 10 01:03:13 +0000 2016
Trump: "Sure, Next Thing You Know, Liberals Are Gonna Be Giving Orbs The Vote" #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 01:01:21 +0000 2016
"We Need to Address the Concerns of Lurking-Class Americans:" Clinton Softens Stance on the Great Golden Beast #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 00:59:07 +0000 2016
Trump Calls for "Deregulation" of "Things That Come in Twos" #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 00:57:08 +0000 2016
Clinton: "My Army Grows Each Day," "Do Not Think To Doubt My Might" #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 00:56:08 +0000 2016
#DebateNight: Trump Quietly Seething, Clenching Fists as Emaciated, Horned Man in Grotesque Wooden Mask Limps Across Stage
Mon Oct 10 00:53:38 +0000 2016
"Sand Ghasts Helped Make This Country Great," "Huge Respect For Them:" Trump Walks Back Inflammatory Comments #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 00:51:29 +0000 2016
"I Support Lifting The Great Veil; I Always Have:" Clinton Hammers Trump on Orb Policy #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 00:50:13 +0000 2016
Trump: "A Smart One, Oh Yes, But I'll Catch Him, I'll Catch Him & I'll Cut Him, You Better Believe It" #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 00:44:47 +0000 2016
Clinton: "The Lack of Shipwrecks in This Country is Appalling" #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 00:43:59 +0000 2016
#DebateNight: Trump Fashions Elaborate Effigy of Debate Moderator, Begins Mumbling Incantations
Mon Oct 10 00:42:11 +0000 2016
Clinton: "We Can Worry About Stone Hoarders Once We've Dealt With That Thing Inside The Moon" #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 00:39:33 +0000 2016
#DebateNight: Trump Doubles Down on Demands for "Pogrom" of "Stone Hoarders"
Mon Oct 10 00:38:30 +0000 2016
Clinton: "That Thing Is Not God" #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 00:37:51 +0000 2016
Trump: "What America Needs, It's About Ten Feet Long, Can't Say The Name, Can't Let It In, Find It At Any Hardware Store" #DebateNight
Mon Oct 10 00:37:05 +0000 2016
Moderator, Deposed Albanian Bonelord Donjeta the Despoiler Begins #DebateNight with Futile Escape Attempt
Mon Oct 10 00:34:39 +0000 2016
#DebateNight: Clinton, Trump Emerge from Carriage Clad Only in Long White Robes, Wearing Crowns of Black Roses
Mon Oct 10 00:33:55 +0000 2016
Forbidden Lands Shadow Council Commences #DebateNight with Elaborate Dance
Mon Oct 10 00:32:52 +0000 2016
As Moonlight Falls on Podiums in Forsaken Temple, Forbidden Lands Shadow Council Arrives in Carriage Drawn by Jet-Black Horses
Mon Oct 10 00:30:46 +0000 2016
#DebateNight: Forbidden Lands Shadow Council Announces Albanian Bonelord Donjeta the Despoiler to Moderate Presidential Debate
Sun Oct 09 22:26:10 +0000 2016
#DebateNight: Winds Begin Rising Along Forbidden Coast as Figures in Waterlogged Cloaks Gather Around Temple Podiums
Sun Oct 09 21:59:11 +0000 2016
#DebateNight: Hundreds of Travelers Long Believed Lost at Sea Begin Filling Audience in Forbidden Lands' Forsaken Temple
Sun Oct 09 21:58:00 +0000 2016
#DebateNight: Hundreds of Figures in Waterlogged Cloaks Emerge from Beneath the Waves, Join Forbidden Lands Citizens in Debate Preparations
Sun Oct 09 21:55:21 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment by Reporters, Forbidden Lands Shadow Councilors Put Fingers Urgently to Lips, Shake Heads Somberly
Sun Oct 09 21:53:33 +0000 2016
#DebateNight: Clinton, Trump, Still Dazed, Ushered from Beached Ships into Rickety Canoes by Forbidden Lands Shadow Council
Sun Oct 09 21:52:06 +0000 2016
#DebateNight: Forbidden Lands Citizens, Sharing Knowing Smiles, Begin Preparing Forsaken Temple to Host American Presidential Debate
Sun Oct 09 21:50:13 +0000 2016
Forbidden Lands Shadow Council Reacts to Unexpected Arrival of American Presidential Candidates by Ordering Debate to Take Place
Sun Oct 09 21:47:25 +0000 2016
"I Don't Remember Boarding this Boat:" Confused, Disoriented Clinton, Trump Campaigns Wash Ashore in Forbidden Lands
Sun Oct 09 21:46:28 +0000 2016
Governor of Wisconsin Charged With Multiple Counts of Hornswoggle, Claptrap
Sun Oct 09 21:30:27 +0000 2016
As Halloween Approaches, Relationship Ghouls Begin Manifesting in Closets, Advising Young Lovers
Sun Oct 09 05:04:23 +0000 2016
Trump: "Moscow is Full of Vampires"
Sat Oct 08 11:07:03 +0000 2016
America's Stage Four Capitalism "Inoperable," Report Leading Economists
Sat Oct 08 04:38:35 +0000 2016
"It Was Just There," "It Was Always There, In The Secret Places, But We Found Them, Oh Yes:" DARPA Scientist on Discovery of Internet
Sat Oct 08 03:25:34 +0000 2016
"We Didn't Exactly Invent The Internet, So Much As We Found It Lying Around:" Retired DARPA Scientist Makes Shocking Admission
Sat Oct 08 03:24:21 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 This is some serious anti-vampire bigotry. Fuck 'em, I'm voting Nameless Corporation. — @BlueSpaceCanary
Fri Oct 07 22:17:39 +0000 2016
"If It Bleeds, It Leads:" Dems Announce New Criteria for Minority Leader
Fri Oct 07 22:16:48 +0000 2016
Researchers Discover Ancient App — @sciencesuggests
Fri Oct 07 21:46:33 +0000 2016
Experts: "I Disagree"
Fri Oct 07 16:53:16 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/7QJMCV5mUG — @casidhe_k
Fri Oct 07 16:48:04 +0000 2016
Studies indicate that 4% of Americans have been decapitated at least once in their lives. @ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/QAqq4rSH0k — @_Staven
Fri Oct 07 04:38:52 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Evil Overlords Launch New Conservation Efforts in Response to Maniacal Laughter Shortage — @khymchanur
Thu Oct 06 17:56:48 +0000 2016
Dozens of Men in Spacesuits, Carrying Razors, March Solemnly Into Capitol Building
Thu Oct 06 08:53:38 +0000 2016
"Look, I Support Civilian Ownership of Nuclear Weapons, Always Have, Always Will:" Trump Defends Self Against NRA Attacks
Thu Oct 06 03:54:00 +0000 2016
"Telekinesis Is Not A Disease:" Controversial "National Telekinesis Association" Condemns "Pathologization" of Telekinesis Sufferers
Thu Oct 06 03:48:03 +0000 2016
Trump Calls on Americans to "Infest the Bloated Corpse of God"
Tue Oct 04 19:55:58 +0000 2016
"The Sky Will Scream For Me," "The Moon Will Shout My Name And All The Stars Will Hide:" Clinton Addresses Trump Tax Scandal
Tue Oct 04 04:42:34 +0000 2016
Trump on Tax Evasion Charges: "We're Gonna Make Hell Cool Again, Johnny," "We're Gonna Fill Up All the Pits, We're Gonna Open Up the Maw"
Tue Oct 04 04:36:32 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/sKgBM9EEKA — @mjhutchinson
Tue Oct 04 01:17:36 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Just in time for the annual spike in broomstick traffic. — @munin
Mon Oct 03 22:43:37 +0000 2016
DARPA Demonstrates World's First Surface-to-Air Hex
Mon Oct 03 22:17:26 +0000 2016
Volunteer Mercy Killing Brigade Called in After Attempt to Breed "Pizza Trees" Goes Horribly Wrong
Mon Oct 03 19:46:24 +0000 2016
@SwooshyCueb @ApprovedNews6 yeah but the waiting list for shame is getting so long that being seen in line is nearly just as embarrassing. — @NorWesternCrow
Mon Oct 03 18:54:06 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 I don't see the problem. It gets the job done and frees up assets for rehabilitating major offenders. — @SwooshyCueb
Mon Oct 03 18:53:57 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Working on an Inhuman Interest piece on Ms. Unknown Power & why she chose to sink the Millennium Tower to build her Pyramid — @GeorgeWHerbert
Mon Oct 03 12:13:51 +0000 2016
Meet These 7 Californians Whose Brains, Bodies "Hijacked Every Night" by Unknown Power to Build Blood-Red Pyramid in Downtown San Francisco
Mon Oct 03 05:56:20 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Experts: The U.S. putting its fingers in its ears and singing "La la la la, Cuba doesn't exist" was ineffective policy. — @khymchanur
Mon Oct 03 05:54:44 +0000 2016
US to End Ontological Boycott of Cuba
Mon Oct 03 04:56:17 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 back in my day they sentenced us to a life in the SHAME ORB and we were happy (and very ashamed) about it! — @joe_no_body
Mon Oct 03 04:27:56 +0000 2016
Justice Department Criticizes State of Florida for "Overrelying" on Shame Cube to Punish Minor Infractions
Mon Oct 03 04:25:33 +0000 2016
Victims of the Third Impact Tell Their Story, Only on Approved News 6
Sun Oct 02 23:33:20 +0000 2016
"No, Impossible, You Cannot Be Here" Say Experts: "I Watched You Die"
Sun Oct 02 21:33:26 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 I may not agree with his politics, but at least he's actually trying to solve the problems this country is facing — @SwooshyCueb
Sun Oct 02 16:13:54 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 I may not agree with his politics, but at least he's actually trying to solve the problems this country is facing — @SwooshyCueb
Sun Oct 02 16:13:54 +0000 2016
Scaldrax Hegemon, 2-Time Winner of "America's Most Evil," to Officiate at National Puppy-Kicking Festival
Sun Oct 02 13:04:53 +0000 2016
@approvednews6 Forest Ghouls are notoriously old-line conservative, Trump's antics might not play well. — @smallupsetter
Sun Oct 02 02:56:08 +0000 2016
Trump Battles Clinton for Forest Ghoul Vote
Sun Oct 02 02:50:21 +0000 2016
"This Vote Changed Me," "This Desk, This Office, I Remember None of It," "Who Did I Use to Be?" Republican Lawmakers Justify Overriding Veto
Sat Oct 01 22:48:45 +0000 2016
Republicans Override Obama Veto, Slash Funding of Sun
Sat Oct 01 22:47:20 +0000 2016
"Your Nightmares Will Run Windows 10:" Microsoft Issues Press Release
Sat Oct 01 22:43:12 +0000 2016
UPDATE: The Dancing Man REDACTED Mitt Romney; Hundreds Missing, Assumed Dead
Sat Oct 01 22:41:25 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/zTMmhMyU6M — @joe_no_body
Sat Oct 01 22:39:46 +0000 2016
"I Have Discovered How to Kill the Dancing Man:" Mitt Romney Hijacks C-SPAN, Issues "Urgent Announcement"
Sat Oct 01 22:38:30 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 When will they have to answer for [REDACTED]'s [REDACTED]s? — @BlueSpaceCanary
Sat Oct 01 22:37:14 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Seven Revered Masters of the Holistic Demesne Arrive, Seize Feathers in Name of Illuminati
Sat Oct 01 22:37:06 +0000 2016
7 "Brilliant, Unearthly" Feathers Found in Ruins of New York Next to Burnt REDACTED Corpse; Nameless Corporation Refuses to Comment
Sat Oct 01 22:36:06 +0000 2016
Florida Man Claims to Have Assassinated "This & All Future" Presidents
Sat Oct 01 22:24:55 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Consititutional Crisis Resolved with Mug of Tea, Stern Lecture
Sat Oct 01 22:23:55 +0000 2016
"I Figured It'd Save Us All Some Time:" President of Space France Becomes First in History to Oust Self in Violent Coup d'État
Sat Oct 01 22:19:46 +0000 2016
WEIRD & WACKY: Spilled Cup of Coffee Leads to Constitutional Crisis
Sat Oct 01 22:16:37 +0000 2016
New Advancements in Quantum Finance Lead to First Femtoscale Credit Default Swap
Sat Oct 01 17:32:57 +0000 2016
New Illuminati Branch Program at MIT to Teach Advanced Weather Control, Ascension to the 7th Holistic Demesne
Sat Oct 01 17:15:50 +0000 2016
Obama Calls Press Conference, Rings Gong, Speaks Seven Lies & Seven Truths
Sat Oct 01 17:10:07 +0000 2016
@velartrill @ApprovedNews6 I was going to ask where this border was, but where could it be but Florida. — @PhilDarnowsky
Sat Oct 01 16:50:08 +0000 2016
Direpunk Band "Fucklust" Stopped at US/Hell Border in First Apparent Enforcement of American Embargo
Sat Oct 01 16:45:11 +0000 2016
New Study: Every Coincidence in History Engineered by Your Enemies; "Their Elaborate Plot Draws Toward Its Final Conclusion"
Sat Oct 01 16:40:09 +0000 2016
DARPA Announces Development of "Ontological Enforcement Units"
Sat Oct 01 16:34:27 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 BREAKING: https://t.co/yRreAPOb5y — @khymchanur
Sat Oct 01 14:14:59 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Platonic Ideal of Gold Stolen From Fort Knox — @khymchanur
Sat Oct 01 14:14:43 +0000 2016
Google Refuses to Comment on Flock of Ravens Pursuing Its Executives
Fri Sep 30 23:10:34 +0000 2016
UK Votes to Defund the Moon
Fri Sep 30 22:47:49 +0000 2016
Clinton Makes Impassioned Case for Meme Control Laws
Fri Sep 30 22:31:39 +0000 2016
SPONSORED: Get Out The Vote With Our FDA-Approved Electile Dysfunction Pills!
Fri Sep 30 22:20:37 +0000 2016
.@ApprovedNews6 They realize that's actually the Illuminati space station that replaced Venus, right? — @Pope_Norm
Fri Sep 30 20:15:36 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: https://t.co/lBctoem9Vk — @khymchanur
Fri Sep 30 07:48:52 +0000 2016
One Year Later, "America's Most Radioactive Man" Tyler Paulson Making "A Killing" Irradiating Inconvenient Foreign Leaders
Fri Sep 30 07:12:23 +0000 2016
Experts: CNN "Thieving Deviants" With "No Respect for Tradition, Property;" Must Be "Taught a Lasting Lesson"
Fri Sep 30 07:09:30 +0000 2016
Appropriate Individuals Confirm Approved News 6 "Only $67/Month Away" from Retaking Stolen Great News Orb from CNN https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Fri Sep 30 07:07:51 +0000 2016
"The Algorithm Has Been Contained," Say Google Engineers; "At Last, Our Families Are Safe"
Fri Sep 30 07:05:56 +0000 2016
Thousands of Trees in National Forests Found Punched; American Tree-Punching League Suspected
Fri Sep 30 07:04:32 +0000 2016
Salamandra Theomisia Officially Sworn in as Heresiarch of the Hidden Valley
Fri Sep 30 07:02:21 +0000 2016
Bone Sorceresses Supreme Xylinda Overblight, Samedra Thunderflange Refuse to Comment on Rumors of Secret Romance
Fri Sep 30 06:58:47 +0000 2016
TRAVEL: 7 Shadowy Ruins You Will Inevitably Visit Before You Die
Fri Sep 30 06:56:49 +0000 2016
Senator Disastra bel-Malphegor (🐍-MA) Dodges Press After Sponsoring Controversial "Lay Barren All That Once Was Green" Act
Fri Sep 30 06:48:47 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Editorial: If we don't know what it's made of or which dimension it's from, can we call it a naturalised citizen? — @Chirurgic
Fri Sep 30 06:37:57 +0000 2016
New Advancements in Appeasement Science Enable Safe Worship of Qlippoth-Branch Gods for First Time in History
Fri Sep 30 06:37:35 +0000 2016
Find Out What Common Species Look Like Liquefied! #7 Will Shock You
Fri Sep 30 06:34:17 +0000 2016
Google: Most Common Search Queries "Where Have All The Birds Gone," "Why Do The Clouds Spell Out My Name," "What Must I Do Next"
Fri Sep 30 06:26:36 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 OPINION: Some kinks are not appropriate for Congress, such as legislative vore. Our representatives should not eat the law — @FioraAeterna
Fri Sep 30 06:20:56 +0000 2016
COUNTERPOINT: With My Dying Breath I Shall Oppose Thee Still, Cursèd Tyrant
Fri Sep 30 06:20:35 +0000 2016
OPINION: Your Resistance Only Delays the Inevitable; Surrender Now & Preserve Your Dignity
Fri Sep 30 06:17:05 +0000 2016
"It Shouldn't Be Alive, And We Don't Know How To Kill it:" Pundits Weigh in on Bone Party's 2016 Presidential Candidate
Fri Sep 30 06:14:55 +0000 2016
OPINION: There Is No Place for Kinkshaming in Congress
Fri Sep 30 06:12:34 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 Good to see US exports taking an interest. — @munin
Fri Sep 30 06:11:07 +0000 2016
Malevolent Artificial Intelligence Orbiting Venus Granted Right to File Absentee Ballot in US Election
Fri Sep 30 06:10:36 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 literally. they all have telepathy so as soon as you focus on one it stops and the rest start — @joe_no_body
Fri Sep 30 06:09:54 +0000 2016
Which Failing Soviet Mind-Control Satellite is Giving You Breast Cancer? It's Not The One You Think It Is!
Fri Sep 30 06:09:10 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 I hope the fools didn't -open- it — @munin
Fri Sep 30 06:06:51 +0000 2016
Newly Discovered Mass Grave Sheds Light on Bloodgate Scandal, "The Flaying Period" of Dark Lord Nixon's Reign
Fri Sep 30 06:06:10 +0000 2016
RELATED: Research Confirms 7 Species of Tree "Ontologically Satanic"
Fri Sep 30 06:03:42 +0000 2016
New Evidence Challenges Claims Marijuana "Biologically Demonic"
Fri Sep 30 06:00:36 +0000 2016
White House Issues Annual List of Seemingly Normal, Unassuming Citizens
Fri Sep 30 05:57:34 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 I love #6: "Neighbor's Propane Tanks". Can't get enough of those. — @GeorgeWHerbert
Fri Sep 30 05:47:02 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 CIA Interrogators Hate Her! — @joe_no_body
Fri Sep 30 05:43:27 +0000 2016
SPONSORED: Make The Son-of-a-Bitch Talk With This One Weird Trick, Discovered By A Mom
Fri Sep 30 05:37:42 +0000 2016
7 Creative Ways For You & The Kids to Have Fun With Anti-Materiel Rifles
Fri Sep 30 05:34:49 +0000 2016
War Crimes "Major Source of Cholesterol," Says New Study
Fri Sep 30 00:37:09 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 SPONSORED: https://t.co/fbP5jTwXER — @khymchanur
Fri Sep 30 00:09:14 +0000 2016
America Diagnosed with Stage 4 Capitalism
Thu Sep 29 19:29:33 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 https://t.co/yH6pDZDRxR — @SwooshyCueb
Thu Sep 29 13:49:40 +0000 2016
New Study: Americans' Favorite Hobbies "Consuming Nutrients," "Sheltering in Place"
Thu Sep 29 00:41:12 +0000 2016
@listelian @ApprovedNews6 Boo! The death matches were the only thing that made jury duty bearable. — @nepthyron
Wed Sep 28 23:48:06 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 back in my day we had to kill ten men in order to make our case in traffic court! damn youngins have it so easy these days — @zacaj_
Wed Sep 28 21:46:29 +0000 2016
Nevada Supreme Court Rules Jurors May Use Voting to Issue Decision in Place of Battling to the Death
Wed Sep 28 21:43:21 +0000 2016
Could Money Laundering Cure Cancer? Find Out Tomorrow Night at 8/7c, Only on Approved News 6
Wed Sep 28 02:45:44 +0000 2016
@velartrill @ApprovedNews6 Look, they’re not Nazis. They are legitimate Electric Venusian conservatives with memorabilia collections — @substitute
Tue Sep 27 23:17:15 +0000 2016
WEIRD & WACKY: "Electric Nazis from Venus" Blamed in Series of Power Grid Failures
Tue Sep 27 23:13:31 +0000 2016
This. As an ex-academic I know very well how crucial snakes are to the rigorous examination of ideas. https://t.co/fszRZko0jP — @listelian
Tue Sep 27 22:46:12 +0000 2016
Need to Refinance Your Home? This Brutal Murder May Surprise You!
Tue Sep 27 21:46:12 +0000 2016
Presidential Debate Criticized for Lack of Snakes
Tue Sep 27 20:21:29 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 - call your doctor if an insurrection last more than 4 hours — @pete_hardie
Tue Sep 27 15:55:26 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 "Take one Titan II ICBM as needed. Side effects may include nuclear winter, mutated livestock, inflated ego, and silo-dick" — @PithyOrNot
Tue Sep 27 06:56:28 +0000 2016
SPONSORED: Enemy Nations Acting Up? Do You Suffer From Chronic Insurrections? Ask Your Doctor if Nuclear Weapons are Right for You
Tue Sep 27 06:47:37 +0000 2016
WEIRD & WACKY: Parakeet Found Responsible for Series of Ghastly Beheadings in North Carolina
Tue Sep 27 04:23:13 +0000 2016
"It's Not Clear If This Is A Terrorist Act Or If He's Just Really Bad At His Job:" Officials Urge Caution
Tue Sep 27 03:37:06 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Florida Man Flies Train Into State IRS Heaquarters
Tue Sep 27 03:34:28 +0000 2016
In Wake of Disastrous #DebateNight, Forbidden Lands Shadow Council Unveils Tattered Tapestry Depicting the Many Lessons Learned There
Tue Sep 27 03:00:05 +0000 2016
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Tue Sep 27 02:58:24 +0000 2016
dedicate my time to writing this feed for y'all, but i also need to be able to, like, eat. so if you can afford even $1/month, please — @velartrill
Tue Sep 27 02:58:20 +0000 2016
hope you all enjoyed the @ApprovedNews6 debate coverage. just a reminder that Patreon is my only source of income - i love being able to — @velartrill
Tue Sep 27 02:58:15 +0000 2016
Trump, Howling With Rage, Attacks NBC Arch-Moderator Lester Holt With 7 Rusty Daggers #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:54:58 +0000 2016
Clinton: "I Think We Just Made A Terrible Mistake" #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:53:32 +0000 2016
NBC Arch-Moderator Lester Holt Asks Candidates to Comment on "Whatever Just Happened, I Guess; Not Sure What That Was About" #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:53:04 +0000 2016
Trump, Clutching Seven Rusty Daggers, Lunges at Obama, Falls to Floor as President Vanishes Amid Swarm of Blood-Red Ravens #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:49:48 +0000 2016
"Why Am I Crying?" "Oh God, What Have We Done?" Clinton, Shaking, Braces Self on Podium #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:48:05 +0000 2016
"BEGONE!" Obama Slams Whalebone Staff on Stage Floor; Glowing Figure Disperses Instantly Into Dust & Ash #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:45:06 +0000 2016
REMINDER: Support Our Brave, Doomed Reporters by Making a Monthly Pledge at https://t.co/KHkGIAtX6Q
Tue Sep 27 02:43:13 +0000 2016
"Why Won't You Remember Me?" Glowing Figure Becomes Agitated, Fighting to Maintain Fragile Perch on Reality As Obama Advances #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:42:15 +0000 2016
"You're Not Him," "He Wasn't Real:" Glowing Figure Begins to Lose Definition, Waver as Obama Brandishes Whalebone Staff #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:40:53 +0000 2016
Stage Buckles as Blood-Red Monoliths Smash Through Floor, Begin to Rise Around President Obama #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:38:58 +0000 2016
"Barack, You Know Me," "Don't Do This, We're Supposed To Be A Team:" Glowing Figure Backs Away From Obama, Raising Hands Defensively
Tue Sep 27 02:37:47 +0000 2016
Clinton Stumbles Back as Obama Materializes on Stage Amid Flock of Blood-Red Ravens, Faces Down Shining Figure Attempting to Manifest
Tue Sep 27 02:36:43 +0000 2016
Ceiling Caves in As Thousands of Blood-Red Ravens Swarm Stage, Blotting Out Growing Light, Thunderous "NO" Rings Out #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:34:35 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Clinton Steps Hesitantly Forward, Heard Whispering "Joe" as Blinding Light Shines Across Stage #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:32:53 +0000 2016
"Remember Me," "I Was Your Friend, Hillary," "The Gates Are Open And I Know You Can Hear Me:" Glowing Humanoid Figure Begins Speaking
Tue Sep 27 02:31:19 +0000 2016
Clinton Standing Transfixed on Stage, Mouth Moving Silently, Staring at Figure Coalescing Out of White Light #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:30:04 +0000 2016
"He Isn't Here, He Can't Be Here, This Is Against The Rules:" Trump Retreats Across Stage, Mumbling Frantically Under Breath #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:28:51 +0000 2016
"You Don't Exist," "You Never Existed," "GO AWAY:" Clinton Begins Shouting at Gaffe-Prone Presence Attempting to Manifest on Stage
Tue Sep 27 02:27:53 +0000 2016
Trump on Education: "I Saw A Kid Get Run Over By A Steamroller Once," "It Was Great, I Love Kids" #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:25:08 +0000 2016
"The Engines of Malediction Grow Ever Closer," "We Must Throw More Bodies Into The Gears:" Clinton Vows More War in Middle East #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:22:26 +0000 2016
#DebateNight: Both Candidates Refuse to Address Shimmering Humanoid Figure Coalescing Behind Them
Tue Sep 27 02:17:46 +0000 2016
Trump on Great News Orb: "We Don't Need That Orb," "Orbs Are Ruining This Country" #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:15:43 +0000 2016
Pressed on Great News Orb, Clinton Dodges Question
Tue Sep 27 02:14:52 +0000 2016
REMINDER: Approved News 6 Relies on Your Funding to Train Reporters to Astrally Project into Presidential Debates https://t.co/jGZo7r9oQN
Tue Sep 27 02:14:09 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Clinton Takes Aim at Religious Right, Declares Support for Decriminalizing Levitation #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:12:49 +0000 2016
Trump: "Those Prophecies Are All Democrat Propaganda," "Smears, They're All Smears, Can You Believe Her?" #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:08:16 +0000 2016
Clinton: "My Opponent Is Literally the Yellow Defiler of Prophecy" #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:07:30 +0000 2016
Witnesses Report Stars in Alien Sky Above Hofstra University "Slowly Going Out" #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:06:00 +0000 2016
Clinton Outlines Orb Policy, Causing Severe Brownouts, Unleashing Supercell Thunderstorm on Reno
Tue Sep 27 02:04:19 +0000 2016
"There's Nothing Down There, Hillary," "Nothing, Okay, Just Shut Up, SHUT UP:" Trump Rebuts Clinton's #IronTimes Plan #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:01:52 +0000 2016
Clinton: "We Must Escape the Coming Iron Times," "America Must Dig Deep, and Dig Quickly" #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 02:01:04 +0000 2016
"I Found This Really Cool Rock:" NBC Arch-Moderator Lester Holt Interrupts Debate, Asks for "Moment of Quiet Introspection"
Tue Sep 27 01:53:50 +0000 2016
"Yeah, That's Right," "You Destroyed The Sun And You Couldn't Even Do It Right:" Trump Doubles Down on Sun Claims #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 01:51:53 +0000 2016
"I Never Destroyed the Sun, That is a Bald-Faced Lie," "When Was the Last Time You Looked Out a Window, Donald?" Clinton Angrily Responds
Tue Sep 27 01:50:42 +0000 2016
Trump: Clinton "Destroyed The Sun" #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 01:49:32 +0000 2016
"No, Syria Doesn't Matter," "Syria Can Never Matter Again, I've Seen to That" Clinton Visibly Annoyed by Moderator's Foreign Policy Question
Tue Sep 27 01:44:30 +0000 2016
Trump: "I Will Gut This World Like A Hog," "I Will Tear Down the Sky & Grind Down the Mountains" #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 01:43:00 +0000 2016
"Donald, You Can't Even Build A Bomb Right:" Clinton Mocks Trump For Failed Detonation as Security Confiscates Suitcase Nuke #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 01:39:50 +0000 2016
Pressed on Use of Nuclear Weapons, Trump Attempts to Detonate Suitcase Nuke on Stage #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 01:38:53 +0000 2016
Clinton: "I've Been There, Where No Starlight Can Ever Reach," "Donald's Gonna Go There Some Day, And He's Gonna Stay There" #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 01:38:35 +0000 2016
"It Won't Bleed," "Why Won't It Bleed?" Trump Frantically Stabbing Own Podium #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 01:33:49 +0000 2016
Only @ApprovedNews6 goes behind the scenes to bring us the real #debatenight https://t.co/lmknwv51TX — @tlloyddavies
Tue Sep 27 01:32:44 +0000 2016
Pressed on Foreign Policy, Clinton Responds Through Interpretive Dance #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 01:32:30 +0000 2016
Trump: "Let Me Tell You, I'm Gonna Say Something You Can't Unhear, It's Gonna Eat You From The Inside, Gonna Take You Apart" #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 01:31:34 +0000 2016
If you want accurate commentary on #debatenight , look to @ApprovedNews6 to provide that https://t.co/wqHtPw07cV — @NorWesternCrow
Tue Sep 27 01:30:31 +0000 2016
"I Thought He Wanted Everything to Burn:" Clinton Jokes at Trump's Expense as Republican Candidate Extinguishes Own Tongue
Tue Sep 27 01:30:04 +0000 2016
Trump Attempts to Quote Verse From Qur'ān, Flees Screaming From Stage as Tongue Bursts Into Flame #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 01:29:14 +0000 2016
Clinton Hisses at Moderator, Eyes Briefly Replaced With Inky Black Voids #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 01:26:48 +0000 2016
Trump: "Blood!", "Blood, Give Me Your Blood, Give Me It All, I Can Think of A Million Better Things To Do With It Than She Can" #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 01:25:19 +0000 2016
#DebateNight: Clinton Removes Aged Bronze Mechanism from Pocket, Stares At It Intently For Nearly 7 Minutes
Tue Sep 27 01:23:26 +0000 2016
Clinton: "You Can't Have The Claw, Donald," "It Just Isn't Going to Happen" #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 01:15:40 +0000 2016
"Are You Impressed?", "I Know I'm Not Impressed:" Trump Heaps Scorn on Clinton's "Elitist Ivory-Tower Prophecies"
Tue Sep 27 01:14:28 +0000 2016
"The Blood is in the Water," "The Gates are Open and the Angels Are Stirred to Hunger:" Clinton Briefly Enters Oracular Trance #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 01:12:12 +0000 2016
Pressed on Forsaken Runes, Trump Repeats "Make America Great Again" Over & Over as Light Fixtures Begin to Flicker
Tue Sep 27 01:11:05 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Jill Stein, Ferocious Polar Bear Removed by Security #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 01:09:32 +0000 2016
BREAKING: Jill Stein Forces Entry to Debate Atop Ferocious Polar Bear #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 01:07:56 +0000 2016
Trump: "We're Gonna Set This Country On Fire," "Washington to New York to California to Texas, It's All Gonna Burn" #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 01:05:18 +0000 2016
#DebateNight: Clinton Wearily Counters Trump's Mind-Control by Uttering Single Terrible Word, Shattering All Windows in Nevada
Tue Sep 27 01:04:27 +0000 2016
"Concede, Hillary:" Trump Attempts to Sway Clinton With Makeshift Mind-Control Spell #DebateNight
Tue Sep 27 01:02:37 +0000 2016
#DebateNight: Clinton Promises More Knives in Preschools
Tue Sep 27 01:01:54 +0000 2016
#DebateNight: Trump Thrusts Sloppily-Butchered Pig at Cameras, Demands "The Claw"
Tue Sep 27 01:01:05 +0000 2016
Figures in Ashen Robes, Opera Masks Fall Suddenly Silent, Lift Up Floorboards & Crawl Underneath as Clinton, Trump Emerge
Tue Sep 27 00:59:44 +0000 2016
Americans Worldwide Report Hearing Chanting of Debate Workers "From Every Shadowed Place," "From Every Nook & Cranny"
Tue Sep 27 00:50:17 +0000 2016
Chanting of Masked Figures on Debate Stage Reaches Frantic Crescendo
Tue Sep 27 00:47:02 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Figures in Ashen Robes, Opera Mask Slowly Filling Debate Stage, All Chanting in Unison
Tue Sep 27 00:32:17 +0000 2016
Diminutive Figure in Ashen Robes, Opera Mask Enters Debate Stage, Begins Chanting Words No Human Tongue Could Speak
Tue Sep 27 00:31:49 +0000 2016
Gnawing Absently on Badger Skull, Trump Proclaims "Confidence" in Debate Victory
Mon Sep 26 23:47:35 +0000 2016
UPDATE: Clouds Directly Above Hofstra University Part to Reveal Night Sky With Unfamiliar, "Impossibly Bright" Constellations
Mon Sep 26 23:21:23 +0000 2016
Dark Clouds Blot Out Sun Above Debate Venue; Audience Members Report Hail & Lightning
Mon Sep 26 23:15:51 +0000 2016
PUBLIC SAFETY ADVISORY: Due to High Winds, Risk of Downed Power Lines, & REDACTED, Nevadans Should Remain Indoors Until End of Debate
Mon Sep 26 23:14:03 +0000 2016
Nevada Residents Reporting Gale-Force Wind Across State
Mon Sep 26 23:13:15 +0000 2016
@ApprovedNews6 I can just make out the runes on the lead slave's mask: "RNC PR BS" Some kind of bamboozling spell, perhaps? — @al2o3cr
Mon Sep 26 23:09:43 +0000 2016
As Presidential Nominees Gather in Nevada, Flock of Blood-Red Ravens Masses Shrieking Overhead
Mon Sep 26 23:08:40 +0000 2016
Trump Arrives at Debate in Ornate Sedan Borne Aloft by Chained, Masked Slaves
Mon Sep 26 23:06:55 +0000 2016
Dressed in Pantsuit Covered in Ancient Debating Sigils, in Crown of Blackened Wood, Clinton Arrives at Presidential Debate
Mon Sep 26 23:03:18 +0000 2016
Pressed for Comment, Tall Men in Black Cloaks Vehemently Deny Being Escaped Nazi War Criminals
Mon Sep 26 22:50:12 +0000 2016
Several yards away, Janet Brown, executive sorceror of the Commission on Presidential Debates, inflicts ritual dese… https://t.co/QlVPDfy6be — @cveidson
Mon Sep 26 22:47:12 +0000 2016
BREAKING: 7 Presidential Debate Audience Members Attempting to Escape Electrified Audience Pen Taken Away by Tall Men in Black Cloaks
Mon Sep 26 22:42:37 +0000 2016
"How Did We Get Here," "Where Are Our Families," "Please, Let Us Go:" Presidential Debate Audience Outlines Their Expectations
Mon Sep 26 22:41:16 +0000 2016
Witnesses Report Fairy Queen Not Present at Presidential Debate Placing Fairy Hexes on Small but Useful Objects, "As She Does Not Exist"
Mon Sep 26 22:38:25 +0000 2016
NBC Arch-Moderator Lester Holt Begins Ritual Consecration of Debate Stage
Mon Sep 26 20:07:39 +0000 2016
Softly Chanting Workers in Ashen Robes, Opera Masks Congregate in Nevada to Prepare Presidential Debate
Mon Sep 26 20:04:39 +0000 2016
Sister Vindicta of Blood-Soaked Maidens of the Cold Sword: New Oregon Law "Shall Begin an Unending Era of Conquest" for Pacific Protectorate
Mon Sep 26 19:16:13 +0000 2016
Oregon: New Law To Add Mandatory Armed Insurrection Training Programs From Kindergarten Through High School
Mon Sep 26 19:06:42 +0000 2016
"Just Pick Up A Stick & Give It A Good, Hard Whack:" Experts Recommend "A Solid Thumping" as "Solution" to "Problems"
Mon Sep 26 17:05:57 +0000 2016
Hundreds of Glassy-Eyed, Slack-Jawed Citizens March on DC, Chanting in Monotone Unison to Protest New Mind Control Restrictions
Mon Sep 26 05:48:23 +0000 2016