The Houston-based advocacy group Americans for Traditional Torments has issued a statement condemning the rising use of smashing machines.
Inside sources have confirmed this week that we all die alone.
All references to Canada in known textbooks have disappeared and been replaced by lengthy segments in "Proto-Indo-European"
Approved News 6 was forced to evacuate its dread fortress headquarters after an outbreak of Contamination.
Contaminated, forsaken news source breaches containment without warning, spreads Contamination, heresy
Approved News 6’s assembled April Fools’ coverage for 2015.
That is quite enough of that, young ladies!
Notorious, recently-resurrected philanthropist Charles J. Bloodhorn has posted a video detailing his plans for CJBI.
Christmas Day is only a day away and all across America, people are getting ready for the big event.
The Drug Enforcement agency has chosen to place happiness on the most restrictive schedule of the Controlled Substances Act.
The Department of Education has released its long-awaited "Future of Education" proposal.
A complete shutdown of the DOP was narrowly avoided by a last-minute emergency funding measure passed late last night.
EDITORIAL: Newslord 7 addresses journalistic responsibility in the modern millieu.
The following document is reprinted as-is from the official press release sent to our offices by the Obama administration.
The long-awaited Project Omicron will begin "imminently," say sources.
Reviews of some of the hottest titles published this February.
Dissatisfied with the existing political parties, a man from Miami has decided to found a radically different sort of party.
A Miami resident has won one of the most coveted awards of 2015.
As a truly historic election approaches on 8 November, we look back at the long and complex history of the institution that we so cherish today.
Hundreds of salesmen, all of them laughing as though at some unseen joke, have swarmed the Florida city of Ft. Lauderdale.
The significance of these transmissions remain unknown.
Experts have concurred after extensive analysis that it is definitely blood.
All experts agree that it is most likely right behind you this very moment.
Approved News 6’s own wine correspondent reviews the most significant wines of year so far.
This rush transcript was taken by Approved News 6 reporters at Microsoft spokesman Harold P. Mandrake’s conference earlier this evening.
The shadowy council that controls Approved News 6 has announced its intent to launch a “fundraising tour”
The first major political endorsement has come in for the candidate representing the Blood-Soaked Maidens of the Cold Sword in the special election for Governor of Oregon.
Fewer college students are participating in pain cults, evisceration rituals, report Ivy League universities
Seven cases of post-traumatic stress disorder have been linked to the recently-released film BodyCount: The Butcher of Kiev"
Approved News 6's contributors answer reader questions in the first installment of our new series, Question Corner.
Approved News 6's contributors answer reader questions in the second installment of our ongoing series, Question Corner.
Field research entomologists from MIT report they have discovered "the worst insect"
The Scream Council has announced the winners of the 2014 Terror Awards, with the Dread Cubes and the Pain Citadels again tying for first place.
The Department of Necromancy, Mutilation, & Bone Rituals has confirmed that the worst contamination outbreak in months has occurred in your very own hometown.
The Supreme Court has overturned a controversial 1986 case on astral property law.
Now that lethal injection is no longer an option, many states are turning to more creative ways of executing death-row inmates.
Multiple sources have provided evidence that we have been betrayed.
The third and final presidential debate of 2016 takes place in an unexpected venue.
God-Empress Vasilyeva of Russia marries her long-term girlfriend in a ceremony described as "beautiful"
It's about time, don't you think?
The Wise Witch of the Whispering Woods and the Great Council of Bone Soreceresses gathered to hold a joint press conference.
You're not getting away this time.