February Book Reviews
Samothrace Exodus Watkinson, 1 March 2015

THE HAND OF THE SHADOWS, by Sam Skidmore - Harper-Collins - Amazon Bestseller

Described by pundits as a “tour-de-force,” Skidmore’s latest book offers insightful commentary on the little-known relationships between the ruling class of the United States and the secretive people who live in caves beneath the earth and eat strange and worrying legumes. Skidmore presents evidence that, contrary to public claims that economic policy is dictated by the Flesh Lords in the nightmares of the White House’s resident madman, that it has been manipulated for over a century by the Shadow People through a complex, tangled web of favors, debts, and family ties. While Skidmore stops short of revealing the end goal of the Shadow People, as, to quote Skidmore himself, “They know I’m watching them, they are sharpening their long knives and they look so very hungry,” it is clear to any astute reader that the Shadow People are angling to resurrect their ancient god and establish an eternal kingdom of fire and dusk in the ashen remains of the earth.

Rating: ✦✦✦✧ - While Skidmore’s prose is sometimes messy and every copy of the book is stained with blood on even-numbered pages, he is still an effective writer and The Hand of the Shadows is required reading for anyone interested in economics.

FORSAKEN EMPIRE, by Lord Jethromort Doomflower - Harper-Collins

In an obvious attempt to cement his status as a serious political thinker, Oregon’s latest candidate for governor has published his own manifesto detailing his analysis of the issues the country currently faces and how he would address them as governor of Oregon. He explains his decision to run as an independent with a biting condemnation of Democratic party politics, and while his position on [FRANTIC WRIGGLING] and [PIERCING CLATTER] is sure to offend any party loyalist, it is a refreshing outsider’s perspective on a point many feel has become unquestioned orthodoxy in left-wing circles.

Lord Jethromort is notably silent on one of the most substantial criticism leveled against him, that he is literally the elder scion of the Ashen Order and foretold to herald the End of Days, and this book is unlikely to convert any serious critics, but it’s clear that the worm of all ages will rise and swallow the sky and the sparrows of dusk have already begun their final dance, while the frantic mewling of forsaken gods will come to naught before the iron hawks of the day to end all days. Kneel and worship before the Altar of the Ashtide, prostrate yourself before the Coming Dust and know you will serve in the glory and shadow that awaits all the earth.

Rating: 不能忍受的 - The ashen tide of elder years in the harrowed vaults of the shadow of the great mountain rises and swallows the hand of the threefold serpent the hour is nigh they are coming they are coming they are here. While Forsaken Empire is an openly and unashamedly self-promoting work, it is still worth a read if you ignore the overt politics and focus on Lord Jethromort’s commentary on the political system. They are here.

THE GREED CREED, by Marsha Seawright - Penguin

Seawright boasts an unusual background. Born in an itinerant conclave of witchfolk, Seawright spent her childhood traveling the secret roads of the eastern United States as the stars dictated, serving the whims of an ancient plan no living creature fully remembers. In the course of a decade, she went from peddling mystic wares on rundown street corners to sitting on the board of a major corporation. Seawright tells the story of her meteoric rise, and the prejudice she faced as a bearer of secret arts whispered in the night to her ancestors by voices on the wind, of how the phrase “tricky witch” was never far from the lips of her coworkers, of the rumors of bone heresy that followed her everywhere she went. But The Greed Creed is not just another rags-to-riches inspirational tale. As she tells it, Seawright’s journey was one not of success, but rather one of growing disillusionment with the capitalist system she once revered, and eventual return to her people.

Rating: ✦✦✦✦ - Seawright paints a brilliant and heart-wrenching tale of victory and loss, and seems to speak with inhuman wisdom and ten thousand years of experience, as of course all witchfolk do. Her writing is enchanting, both metaphorically and literally, and The Greed Creed is a powerful exploration of prejudice and economic exploitation, as well as a fascinating personal tale from a truly unique perspective.

Samothrace Exodus Watkinson, Esq. is Approved News 6's entertainment correspondent, boasting an unvarying 374 years of industry experience due to an childhood chronomancy accident. Xe lives in New York City with hir massive personal harem, seventeen gerbils, and extensive collection of blackmail material.