Analysts: It Is Right Behind You
Damocles P. Roberts, MD, 6 Feb 2015

YOUR PRESENT LOCATION - Multiple sources reported this morning that it is mostly likely right behind you this very moment.

"Don't turn around," said Dr. Ferdinand Laroche, 54, a top researcher working for Google. "Stand very, very still."

Industry insiders report similar incidents have risen in frequency dramatically since the mysterious statewide "construction" began in Oklahoma, obscuring the entire state in a dread fog. Dr. Laroche warns, however, that this isn't proof of a causal relationship.

"Many things have begun to happen or ceased happening since the Oklahoma construction began," Dr. Laroche explained. "So many things. I don't think I should speak of them," he added, as a shadow began to grow towards him from the corners of his office. "I think we should talk somewhere else."

It remains unclear where it came from. Researchers at MIT returned from their investigations pale and shaking, refusing to utter a single word and fleeing for destinations unknown. Its intent is also unclear, although experts warn it is almost certainly too late.

"I am so, so sorry," said Dr. Laroche. "You didn't deserve this."

"If you didn't already have a will prepared, I feel for you," he added.

In similar cases, the body has very rarely been found. Conspiracy theorist Dr. √Āngela Portillo, associate professor of conspiracy studies and Approved News 6's conspiracy correspondent, warns death may be the least of your worries, citing the strange shapes seen exiting the sun's atmosphere Tuesday afternoon and a spike in Elvis citings in three New Mexico cities.

Dr. Portillo then fastened a thick tin-foil helmet beneath her chin and sped off on a dilapidated motorcycle, just before a squad of soldiers in black armor and blood-red masks stormed the abandoned parking structure.

At press time, you could feel cold, wet breath on the back of your neck.

Dr. Damocles P. Roberts is Approved News 6's terror correspondent. Famed for the international reintroduction of waterboarding and the modern terror probe, Dr. Roberts holds a number of patents in fear-based technologies and improvised explosive devices, and her name strikes terror and revulsion in the hearts of thousands in Eastern Europe. She lives in an ominous fortress built from the rubble of New York City with her girlfriend Sam, a small mercenary army, and her Yorkshire terrier Scruffles.