Supreme Court Overturns Doe v. O'Hara
Dr. Mantissa Vestibule, 23 Jan 2015

WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Supreme Court overturned Wednesday a cornerstone piece of case law that has formed the basis for much of modern American property law. The case, Doe v. O'Hara, was tried in 1974, and the Court ruled in the favor of plaintiff Kylie Doe, holding that defendant Randall O'Hara was violating her property rights by building a shed that occupied the same position in the X, Y, and Z axes as her sunroom, but was several feet away along the W axis. The Court surprised the nation by ruling that a landholder owns all higher-dimensional space with the same X, Y, and Z coordinates described in the property claim.

The case has been a sore point for both the Democratic Party, which supported the decision, and the Republican Party, which claimed the decision "grossly impinged" on the freedom of homeowners, and has tried to pass many variations on the failed 1986 Astral Liberty Act to override the case, although without success.

Republican Party Chairman Reince Priebus hailed Wednesday's decision as an "important step in the right direction." "Higher-dimensional space has been neglected and squandered by communities for too long," explained Priebus. "This decision will finally remove a frustrating roadblock to development of topologies that have been closed to entrepreneurs for too long." Priebus then loosed an unearthly howl and scaled a nearby building, where he perched next to a gargoyle and stared down at the streets with intense suspicion.

Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid, longtime critic of astral property law, expressed "ambivalence" over the ruling. "On one hand, this is a very positive step for municipalities struggling to provide people with public green space. On the other, climbing too far from our fragile home nestled in its higher-dimensional moorings may well attract the attention of things that lurk in spaces darker that we could ever imagine."

Asked if fourth-dimensional development might attract the attention of Those Whose Attention Is Better Left Unattracted, Reid refused to comment, and politely excused himself, melting away into the shadows as quickly and unexpectedly as he had come.

Kylie Doe, who took advantage of the 1974 ruling to extend her own home into the fourth dimension, was agitated by Wednesday's decision. "Does this mean I don't own most of my own property anymore?" she said. "Does this mean that jerk Randall can build his outhouse onkata my pool now?"

O'Hara could not be reached for comment, as he was found on his porch swing tenderly cradling a decrepit but fully-loaded shotgun, and periodically shouting obscenities at passers-by.

Dr. Mantissa Vestibule is Approved News 6's law correspondent. She is a graduate of Harvard Unversity and holds degrees in property law, seismology, and thermokinesis. She lives in a mysterious wandering caravan with her partner Jessica and psychic parakeet Fiona.